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AllHailthed4
2019-09-03, 05:45 PM
A couple weeks ago, our table started up a 1950's-style dirty martini supernatural spy game based in part on the Delta Green rpg. In lieu of keeping a formal journal, we've decided to compile a list of the valuable life lessons learned by our characters--with as little context as possible.

Without further ado, here is the list of things Detective Jenna Schwartz (no relation) and her co-workers are no longer allowed to do in Delta Green.



Not allowed to use a squad car to perform PIT maneuvers while a foreign national hangs out of the passenger window firing a sniper rifle.
Especially if the other vehicle belongs to a state trooper.
Even if said trooper is probably possessed by a "space fiend."
A silver wyrmling is not a K9 unit.
Not allowed to "smash the alien spaceship with a shovel."
Not allowed to feed security guards' blatant racism in order to gain access to a secure location.
Vampires do exist. So do werewolves. Atlantis does not.
The Camarilla are not "delusional blood-cultist weirdos." (See #7.)
Anemia does not grant me superpowers.
Not allowed to engage trained attack hawks in aerial combat during a stealth mission.
Telenovela marathons are not "free, in-house therapy."

russianwizard
2019-09-05, 10:10 PM
Another table member here, with more items to add to the list. Some of these life lessons are more valuable than others.
Will edit this list later as our super spies valiant heroes gang of bumbling fools(?) learn more lessons

12. Vending machines are easier gotten into than gotten out of.
13. Real Texans put their thumbs in their belts.
14. Real nurses don't leave the hospital while on duty.
15. Silver wyrmlings, no matter their intelligence score, are not considered service animals and therefore are not allowed in the library.
16. Not allowed to assume enemy bases are free of traps.
17. If it's not in the library, we're out of luck.
18. Not allowed to spoil telenovela endings before they've happened.
19. Marsupial Man is only a comic book character.
20. Not allowed Highly encouraged to tackle crime penguins on the street.

AllHailthed4
2019-09-23, 12:15 AM
The good news is the campaign is still going. The bad news is, as it turns out, large groups do not lend themselves to spy games. Thus, a couple of the spies were kidnapped by space pirates, picked up a crew in Tortuga the Rock of Brawl, and set out to plunder Wildspace. Fear not, however. Life lessons are still being learned, particularly by the crew of the Knight Errant.

weckar
2019-09-30, 10:26 PM
I love a good genreblend :smallsmile:

russianwizard
2019-10-14, 02:50 AM
As stated before, a couple of our beloved bumbling spies were picked up and whisked away into a wild wacky wonderland of space piracy privateering. After acquiring a crew and stealing legally purchasing a ship, our protagonists have learned, or refused to learn, many more lessons.
Without further ado...
1. Not allowed to breed dire rats in cargo hold for free xp.
2. If you value your skeleton in its current position (within your body) do not anger the mushrooms.
3. Sometimes your life is worth more than a space laser.
4. Disagreeing with your political views does not automatically change a creature's type to "monstrosity."
5. 2" diameter rocks, regardless of whether they are orbiting anything, are not planets.
6. Neither are they dwarf planets.
7. Or planetesimals.
8. Not allowed to attach said rocks to the bottom of hull with space glue and claim to be a sovereign nation establishing territory on a previously unclaimed asteroid.
9. Even if we were a sovereign nation, the evil space elf police are not obligated to work for us.
10. Also not allowed to tax other nations for approaching/entering our "borders."
11. Placing several rocks in orbit around our ship does not make our air bubble a solar system, nor does it make our ship a planet with moons.
12. Jedi is copyrighted. She's a Space Knight.
13. Spelljammers are just holes in space that you pour money into.