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Threeshades
2007-10-15, 10:37 AM
I thought i'd post the sketch of my new character in a separate thread because you never really get any useful feedback in the showcase.

So I present to you:

Cor'Ien, Earth Genasi fighter
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y196/Tobi-Sean/Drawings/Corien2.jpg


Cor'Ien was born in a small remote village in the North. His mother came from an ancestry of proud warriors but her generation didnt bring any men, to whom the family's most important heirloom, the greatsword Blazing Tempest could have been passed on to, so his mother kept the sword. He never got to know his father, who was an adventurer coming across the village never to be seen there again. After he was born his mother tried to hide him away from public because despite the fact that Earth Genasi aren't unusual in the North, the people of the village rarely got to see any plane-touched and were very distrustful of them.
When Cor'Ien was 6 years old his mother could barely hold him back anymore and eventually he broke out of the house and was seen by the villagers. Disgusted by the "tainted" child the village turned against Cor'Ien's mother. He could only barely flee into the mountains after he had to watch the leader of the village guard beat his mother to death.
For weeks Cor'Ien hid the mountains searching shelter in a little cave and living of only melted snow, small animals that were too slow to run away, any rare kinds of fruit he could find and the burning hatred against the people of his home village. These weeks drove him closer and closer to insanity, before he could lose himself in insanity entirely, he was found by Khernol Keenaxe, a dwarven scout. Khernol immediately recognized Cor'Ien's elemental heritage and adopted him. For the next years Cor'Ien lived with the dwarves of the Keenaxe clan, they trained him in the use of weapons and even taught him in the ways of spellcraft.
Cor'Ien especially preferred to train with the greatsword because he dreamed that one day he would go back to his village and claim Blazing Tempest as his rightful legacy.
When Cor'Ien turned 20 years old he decided to leave the Keenaxe clan and thankfully went on his way. None of the Keenaxes though suspected what they just released into the world. Armed with the best armor the dwarves could forge for him and a masterfully crafted sword Cor'Ien went on his way back to the village. He was still marked by his burning hatred against the villagers and the insanity from his time in the open mountains and now he thought the time for his vengeance has come.
When he entered the village, his sword in his hands already the first villagers to spot him didn't even have enough time to scream before his sword fell and the first heads rolled.
Without a word, without a sigh or a groan, but with his face warped to a mask of pain and burning hatred Cor'Ien slaughtered man, woman and even child. The only sign of mercy he showed was to spare his victims the pain and to grant them a quick death. He kept up his merciless rampage until he found himself in front of an old crumbled ruin of a house. Though it looked completely different from what he remembered, he immediately recognized his home of his childhood.
Cor'Ien dropped his sword and fell on his knees. He sank down and curled up crying in agony until he heard a single battle cry. He turned around and into his view came an older man with a greatsword in his hands.
Cor'Ien didnt take a second to realize that he was staring at the man responsible for his mother's death. And the sword the old man was holding should be in HIS hands. Faster than anyone could have expected it from somebody in such a heavy armor, Cor'Ien came back onto his feet and charged the old man with only a long disturbing mix of a cry of rage, pain and depression and a ferocious battle cry on his lips.
Cor'Ien knew exactly what a powerful weapon Blazing Tempest actually was, but before the old guardsman could take a stroke against him, Cor'Ien's armored fist already hit his face and sent him to the ground. Cor'Ien threw himself over the wounded man and started to beat the rest of his life out of him with only his fists, screaming curses at him in every language he learned throughout his life in the village and in the lands of the Keenaxe clan.
When he came back to consciousness, Cor'Ien found that everyone in the village was either dead or gone, all the survivors fled, he realized that on his rampage he burned down half of the village.
Cor'Ien found himself over the dead body of an old man whose face was no more than a bloody stump anymore. He found Blazing Tempest next to himself lying on the ground. He closed his fingers around the hilt of the old weapon of his ancestors and a refreshing feeling went through his body. In that moment he remembered who's body he was kneeling over. With a sinister smile he lifted himself up on his feet and stared to the horizon.
Cor'Ien went to the village hall an took the town registry book with himself.
He knew nobody could hear him but also he knew that they all knew what he was going to tell them: "I'm going to find you. I will find you all and bring you to justice. I will hunt you down and bring to you what you brought to me." - His next words came out of nowhere, a name he never heard but he immediately understood - "And Malar shall bring me to you."


So much for his background story. He's an NE Earth-Genasi Fighter specializing with the Greatsword. He's almost completely insane (WIS 6) and is searching for the people of his home village with the goal to put every one of them to death including all their offspring.
On his cloak and his loin cloth he writes down the names of every one of his victims as far as he can find them out, those of the villagers as well as anyone who stood in his way.

Larger picture (http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y196/Tobi-Sean/Drawings/Corien.jpg)

Lyinginbedmon
2007-10-15, 10:53 AM
Dear mother of heck, that's quality :smalleek:

Illiterate Scribe
2007-10-15, 10:54 AM
Nice - I particularly like the way in which you made the eyes look 'dead' and dull - it works well with the whole pose, which suggests a stiffness and lack of fluid motion befitting the insane creature that's half-earth-spirit!

Brickwall
2007-10-15, 10:54 AM
Normally, I'd just say "very nice" and leave it at that, but you were expecting useful feedback...*knucklycrack*

The lines distinguishing the arms from the torso should be heavier, based on the rest of your style.
The right leg (our left) is bent at a 90 degree angle. While that is often true of wider stances, it would make balancing very difficult that close to his front leg. Try a smaller angle next time.

That's...really about it.

Baboon Army
2007-10-15, 11:02 AM
That is totally amazing and awesome! One thing though is that he is making his huge sword seem very light(not as heavy as a sword this size should be).
Unless you planned it this way, and than its just perfect!

Threeshades
2007-10-16, 08:47 AM
That is totally amazing and awesome! One thing though is that he is making his huge sword seem very light(not as heavy as a sword this size should be).
Unless you planned it this way, and than its just perfect!

Yes it looks a bit light in his hands. But he has an overall strength of 22 (including magic items and the bonuses for him being lvl 9) and hes already so specialized with greatswords (focus, specialization, greater focus and mastery) that I think he should already kow how to make it look light


Nice - I particularly like the way in which you made the eyes look 'dead' and dull - it works well with the whole pose, which suggests a stiffness and lack of fluid motion befitting the insane creature that's half-earth-spirit!

Thanks. I was first aiming to make him look angry i mean like :smallfurious: angry, but for that matter i should have probably showed some teeth. so I went with this. His eyes being completely black and empty to start with (as it isnt unusual to earth genasi) helped it a lot.


Normally, I'd just say "very nice" and leave it at that, but you were expecting useful feedback...*knucklycrack*

The lines distinguishing the arms from the torso should be heavier, based on the rest of your style.
The right leg (our left) is bent at a 90 degree angle. While that is often true of wider stances, it would make balancing very difficult that close to his front leg. Try a smaller angle next time.

That's...really about it.
I wanted him to look abit like he has just turned to the viewer and is now starting to walk, so his right foot has to come around the left one from behind first.

About the outlines of the arms I think you might be very right there.

Brickwall
2007-10-16, 09:17 AM
That is totally amazing and awesome! One thing though is that he is making his huge sword seem very light(not as heavy as a sword this size should be).

5 lbs you mean? Swords aren't terribly heavy, not ones of that length. The biggest ones were usually 7-8 lbs.

Looks right to me.

Threeshades
2007-10-16, 10:15 AM
5 lbs you mean? Swords aren't terribly heavy, not ones of that length. The biggest ones were usually 7-8 lbs.

Looks right to me.

DnD greatswords are 15 lbs.

Vulion
2007-10-16, 11:48 AM
DnD greatswords are 15 lbs.

Dnd Greatswords need to stop sneaking cupcakes.:smallbiggrin:

Brickwall
2007-10-16, 11:53 AM
DnD greatswords are 15 lbs.

In D&D, the majority of people in the world can be horribly murdered by a housecat.

In D&D, it takes only training to swing around a chain loaded with horrible barbs, be effective with it, and never come to harm.

In D&D, a 10-foot ladder costs less than a 10-foot pole, despite the fact that it contains 2 of them, plus smaller bars.

D&D is a good system, but it has fallacies. They got the weight of longswords correct (4 lbs), but a 15 lb sword would be unuseable. Bastard swords are the closest thing to effective 2-handers. Besides, that thing doesn't look oversized enough to be a greatsword. I thought it was a longsword.

Threeshades
2007-10-16, 12:07 PM
In D&D, the majority of people in the world can be horribly murdered by a housecat.

In D&D, it takes only training to swing around a chain loaded with horrible barbs, be effective with it, and never come to harm.

In D&D, a 10-foot ladder costs less than a 10-foot pole, despite the fact that it contains 2 of them, plus smaller bars.

D&D is a good system, but it has fallacies. They got the weight of longswords correct (4 lbs), but a 15 lb sword would be unuseable. Bastard swords are the closest thing to effective 2-handers. Besides, that thing doesn't look oversized enough to be a greatsword. I thought it was a longsword.
Yeah, but its still a DnD character :smallwink: So he will have to live in this faulty world. With greatswords of two times the weight of a normal one. But well look at the depiction in the PHB. The greatword there is quite massive.

Brickwall
2007-10-16, 12:15 PM
Yeah, but its still a DnD character :smallwink: So he will have to live in this faulty world. With greatswords of two times the weight of a normal one. But well look at the depiction in the PHB. The greatword there is quite massive.

Idiot game designers...:smallsigh:

Anyway, on the subject of swordity and swordiousness, his lower hand should be closer to the pommel. Better leverage for slicing.

Threeshades
2007-10-16, 12:21 PM
Idiot game designers...:smallsigh:

Anyway, on the subject of swordity and swordiousness, his lower hand should be closer to the pommel. Better leverage for slicing.

That's nothing, have you played Neverwinter Nights 2? Those greatswords are ridiculously heavy-bladed

However about the hand, that makes sense!

BRC
2007-10-16, 12:23 PM
All Fantasy swords are made of foam with a thin peice of metal on the outside, they just hurt because people don't know that unless they are part of the conspiracy.

Threeshades
2007-10-16, 01:15 PM
And those that are part of the conspiracy are the so called protagonists who slash dozens of enemy elite soldiers without suffering a small scab.


Oh and I made an oots-ified version of above drawing:
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y196/Tobi-Sean/CorIenDefault.png

Illiterate Scribe
2007-10-16, 01:23 PM
If he's such a slaughterer, then won't he run out of room on his loincloth to write names down?

Threeshades
2007-10-16, 01:33 PM
If he's such a slaughterer, then won't he run out of room on his loincloth to write names down?

That's what he got his cloak for.