View Full Version : Jokes, Riddles, and Pranks for a Jester/Joker/Fool

2007-12-05, 06:08 PM
I want to play a Jester (http://forums.gleemax.com/wotc_archive/index.php/t-228543) my next campaign in which I plan on joking on everything, being silly, and being difficult. However I would like some Jokes, Riddles or Pranks that could be used in just about any situation.

Does anyone have a link to a good site for this? Does anyone know any good ones?

Note: Any pranks cannot involve spells, as the jester variant I am using doesn't have spells or UMD. I am however willing to spend time, money, skills, involving mundane pranks or small magic items. In addition he has an ability called Comedic Effects, in which he can create small silly illusions at will, like a boing sound when he jumps or hearts when he is charmed.

Note Also: Please no jokes in which simply fantasy creatures are substituted for the participants of the joke. I.e. A "human", an "elf", and a "half-orc" walk into a "tavern" and the first one says to the "barkeep"... A "cleric" goes to "Valhalla" and...

2007-12-05, 06:22 PM
Party Paladin: I will defeat you!
Jester: I will de-leg you!

Whenever any Cleric or Paladin tries to pray -

*Impersonate the god's voice with Comedic Effects. Demand sacrifices.
*Pray loudly to Banjthulu
* Ask about joining the Cleric's religion. Pretend to do so. Insist you have a level of Cleric. Throw "Healing Knives" at your own party members.
*CE (Comedic Effect) a bolt of lightning (or some other, more appropriate smiting) at the cleric. Have a huge voice ring out, "PSYCHE!"

Insist that the Fighter's sword is sentient. Have long conversations with it. Then, use CE to have it start talking to the fighter.

By The Way, always play the Jester while tired, caffeinated, or both.

2007-12-05, 06:40 PM
I thought of a tell-a-story joke.
So a gnome goes to an enchantress for relationship advice.
Gnome: "I don't even know where to start with women they are so complicated. How am I to know what they want?"
Enchantress:"What women want? That's simple Quaal's Feather Tokens! You have to be careful though, you have to use the right ones. Use this one for Dwarves, Use this one for Humans, use this one for Elves, and this last one...well I don't think I should give you this last one..."
Gnome: "Please! I am ready to put myself on the line with women, I really want it."
Enchantress: "Well this last one is for if you ever find a Tiefling, but I still don't think you are ready for it..."

So then the gnome finds a dwarf female and gives her the second feather token. It's a Fan and she says "I love the cold! Can I snuggle up closer to you?"
Then the gnome finds a human female and gives her the second feather token. It's a Swan Boat and she says "How romantic! Won't you sail off with me?"
Then the gnome finds a elven female and gives her the third feather token. It's a Tree and she says "How beautiful! Want to climb and see where that takes us?
Then the gnome finds a Tiefling. He's a little hesitant about it but after the first three he feels emboldened. He gives her the last feather token and she smiles and says "I know what this is, but first I'd like to cast darkness." Grinning the gnome steps in with her...until he hears the crack of the Whip.

2007-12-06, 03:51 AM
Ok, jesters cap is important, but don't make the bells jingle. Instead use comedic effects for the jingle sound when the party is trying to sneak places, and when they whip around to stare at you, whip around and stare behind you like you are trying to see who is making the sound. After repeated offenses the party will probably get mad and want to take your cap, or chop off the bells. When they do, then repeat the gag and instead of turning around point at your missing cap and bells insisting that it's not you.

Wield a sap disguised as a puppet called (Insert crazy name here). If threatened, as a feint you can talk to it and ask it what you should do. If the enemy responds in any way, I.E. "Why do you want to do that?", or "Why is it named (Crazy Name)?". Then you can respond "Oh, thats a long story..." then smack him with it hard.

Short sheeting a bedroll is always hilarious and all you need is someones bedroll, needle, thread, and time. Of you could try using Comedic Effects, sew up your bedroll, and make yours look like his.

2007-12-06, 04:01 AM
Wield a sap disguised as a puppet called (Insert crazy name here). If threatened, as a feint you can talk to it and ask it what you should do. If the enemy responds in any way, I.E. "Why do you want to do that?", or "Why is it named (Crazy Name)?". Then you can respond "Oh, thats a long story..." then smack him with it hard.Banjo, anyone? Also, make the guy who took your hat jingle, until he gives it back to you. And then for a while longer. All of your attacks need to be jokes. Get the DM to just accept it as fluff that you use a pink sword. Spend some money on stuff like a bag of tricks and a rod of wonder. Take ranks in tumble, but describe it as cartwheels and such in-game.

2007-12-06, 04:37 PM
I like the idea of a pink sword, or alternatively giant pink boxing gloves. The jingle bells is exceptionally funny especially if the party goes way overboard with Move Silently Checks, and works just as good with Pink Panther or "sneaky music" or stereotypically creaking floorboards and tip-toe sounds.

-Everytime I sneeze I do so with a rod of wonder up my sleeve. Hilarity ensues.
-Sticking several Bag of Tricks balls in a Dust of disappearance bag. The result, invisible rodents as a byproduct.
-Just before twilight. slip everyone in the party a potion of Darkvision in their drink. Insist that we can't stop because it isn't dark out yet and that they are all just being lazy.
-Always trip the Alarm spell when getting up to get a midnight snack.
-Potion of Jump and bounce everywhere we go
-Elixer of Love/Truth, hilarity ensues.
-Replace morning coffee/Bake bread with with Dust of Dryness
-Dust of Illusion to make someone appear cross-dressed

2007-12-06, 04:42 PM
If you game with a laptop, be sure to download some comedic sound effects. Actually hearing the boing is twice as annoying!

2007-12-06, 05:04 PM
I played a rogue with a sense of humour before who was fond of running rings around his enemies and taunting them with little poems. The DM while a solid statician, wasn't very good at coping with the improvised humour.
"What's got 2 legs, covered in spikes and is very bad news?"
And he would stop in his attempts to disembowel me and say "Huh?"
"Not a clue, but there's one coming up behind you!" And as I would tumble away, the party warrior would hit him full force in the back. Lines from King Lear as also a good addition for the classic Fool but not hugely suited to a truly slapstick Jester.
The truly best lines will come to you as pure improvisation. Devise little ditties and modify them on the fly for the situation.

2007-12-07, 03:17 AM
Pick one character, either the dwarf or the paladin, or whoever's player is the most uptight, and hassle the character the entire game. play tricks on them, use paranoia notes so even the other players are surprised, and on one occasion write a note that says "give this note to everyone except john" and pass it around the table. If both player and character aren't loopy by the second session, you're not doing your job right.

2007-12-07, 03:34 AM
One thing I've done: offer to take over the watch. About halfway through the watch shout "Everyone up! We're being attacked! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!"

Heh, our barbarian leapt up and eventually charged screaming into the wilderness concussed. He had been under the caravan when he was asleep. The paladin carefully looks around and eventually goes back. Our rogue didn't bother getting up. Our dread necromancer tells me if I wake him one more time he'd murder me in my sleep.

Of course, the next morning when we were attacked, the paladin orders me to wake up our spellcaster. Our spellcaster was proficient in greatsword. And he killed me. And the party killed him.

2007-12-07, 10:09 AM
Do things that are asked of you to the letter. If they ask you to be the night guard, run screaming toward the sun when it rises (it's attacking the night youa re guarding). Or night watch, jsut stare at the sky. Refill the water flask... can you say urine flasks?
Try attaching the melee character's swords to the back of their knee with some sort of thread, then yell "We are under attack!" and watch them pull their own feet out from under them.

BTW, you have inspired me to play a jester in my next camp.

2007-12-07, 10:35 AM
Two words: Sovereign Glue.

Truly with this the possibilities are endless. Such as if you KNOW a non-lethal combat is coming up (Not that you WON'T die, just it's high unlikely)...glue the melee character's sword in it's sheath.

Or the wizard's familiar (if they have one) to their shoulder.

Put on beer mug handles.

Privvy holes.

On an unchecked door knob in a dungeon just to freak the rogue out. ("Crap, CRAP! It won't let me go, it won't let me go! HELP!"))


Two fire elementals are talking when one suddenly loses it's immunity to fire

"So Dan, how are the wife and kids?"

"Not too bad, hows the job market?"


(Somehow I know I butchered that joke.)

2007-12-07, 12:16 PM
A series of lame jokes (they serve better to annoy than to make laugh):

Did you hear about the Salt mephit?
He was insulted.

Did you hear about the Water mephit?
You oughta'.

Did you hear about the Dust mephit?
He and Salt raced, and he dusted him.

Did you hear about the Fire mephit?
He was burning up the dance floor.

Did you hear about the Ice mephit?
She and the Fire mephit are treading on a thin ice.

Did you hear about the Magma mephit?
His temper exploded.

Did you hear about the Earth mephit?
He got grounded for punching Magma, he thought Magma was dancing with Ice.

Did you hear about the Steam mephit?
I didn't either, no wonder he has no self-esteem

Did you hear about the Air mephit?
That last joke blew her away.

2007-12-07, 12:36 PM

That site has a wonderful list of practical jokes - granted, some of the good ones need spellcasting ability, but you can pull a lot of them off. Also, some of them reference 2nd Edition spells or magical items that may have a different name now, or not exist at all, but if you're lucky your DM might let you have some of them custom made.
For those too lazy to click the link:
Sovereign Glue a metal tankard to victim's breastplate. This has become a favorite, along with the saying "Here's your tankard."

Rub a piece of poison ivy or oak inside the codpiece of the victim. It's incredibly tough to act like billy bad-ass when it appears you have some sort of irritating disease or fungus.

A box located somewhere with a sign attached that says "To have your palm read, insert hand". Upon insertion, victim feels something sloppy run across their hand. Upon removal, their palm is indeed red and only time (about 1 week) will remove it.

Cast magic mouth on the male victim's sword. Upon the drawing of the weapon, the mouth speaks only in insults such as "You hit like a girl", "Why not just wear a dress?", and "Are you still gay?".

Cast "Grease" at the top of the stairs as the victim begins his descent.

Cast hold person on a robe-wearing victim, walk up, lift their robe over their head, and walk away.

Get a party member roaring drunk, sovereign glue an aerial anchor's string to them, throw them off the third story balcony, and anchor them in midair.

Cantrip "pinch" the barmaid's rear as she walks by the fighter.

Sovereign glue someone's inn room door shut during the night.

Write "Property of the Nine Hells" in indelible ink on their armor or weaponry.

Mix Air Spores in with their food. Gas for days...

Cast Darkness in someone's inn room just before daybreak.

Forge an official letter from some government-type (earl, duke, ...etc...) to the victim demanding their presence at their high court at some time some day soon. They will attend only to be turned away. Later, forge another letter from the same person demanding their presence at the next meeting of the court since they didn't attend the last one. They will be turned away again. Finally, forge another letter telling them there is an official warrant out for their arrest due to their refusal to appear at the court. Sit back and watch 'em sweat.

Paint your local elf black. (Can have bad results)

Write "Property of Raistlin Majere. If found, I will find you." on the inside cover of someone's Spellbook.

Take a almost empty bag of flour and place the open end under the door of the victim. Then, jump on the full part. Flour will cover their room and everything will be white.

Cast "Dancing Lights", use the vaguely-human shape, and let the victim encounter an obviously evil servant of the underworld.

Wait for the victim to pass out from grog consumption, take them and their bed to town square and let them sleep it off there.

During the night, lead a local cow up into the victim's second-or-better floor inn room using some sugar or salt. The fun starts when they start trying to get the cow back down, because cows go up stairs, they don't go down.

The night before an meeting with an official or other high "we need something from them" NPC, put powdered milk right under the sheet on the victim's bed. This being medieval times, there is no such thing as air conditioning and the victim will sweat during the night, soaking the powdered milk up into their pores. The milk will sour quite quickly and is very hard to get out (if this joke was played today, it would at least take 1 week of showering about twice a day with _Lava_. How long will it take with oil soap?...)

Slip a "Amulet of Protection from Good" inside someone's back pack and invite them to accompany you to the High Temple of Healing and Justice.

Give the victim a marshmallow. Cast "Enlarge" on it while they are chewing.

Pull the desperado bar trick in a rich bar. For those of you Banderas-challenged, here's how it goes: When in a _large city_, go to the wealthiest bar you can find in the early evening (so everyone has most of their money left). It's usually in the merchant district. Once inside, find the largest table of wealthy-looking nobles and merchants you can find. Approach them with this offer:
"Gentlemen, are any of you wagering men? Oh, good! I would like to make you a wager. I will bet you (amount varies. usually the most they will agree to.) gold/steel/silver/etc... that I can go up to the bartender, stand on the bar, and piss on him, his bar, the floor, the walls, and his tankards and mugs _and_ not only will he not be mad, he'll be happy."
If they bite it, say OK and approach the bartender. Approach him with this offer:
"Barkeep! I have a wager to make. I bet you (1/2 of what the other guys wagered) that I can set this tankard ten feet away on your bar, piss in it and not spill a drop."
If the original amount from the table gentlemen is high enough, the barkeep will gladly accept. Climb up on the bar, put the mug ten feet away, and proceed to pee on everything (except other patrons). When finished, tell the barkeep that you're not as good as you thought, and that you'll go get his money. He'll be happy for he just made free money and he doesn't have to clean it up (the barwench does that). Approach the gentlemen again and collect your money. Then give half of it to the barkeep and walk away. Free money.

Mix some Air Spores in the victim's mount's food. Ugh. Mount gas for a week.

Whitewash the victim's mount.

Fill the victim's quiver 1/4 the way up with black concrete. They won't notice, and just wait until they try to draw an arrow.

Purchase a sword hilt that looks _very_ similar to the hilt on the victim's sword. Take the sword from the scabbard, and attach the new hilt to the scabbard so it looks like the sword is still there. When they next draw their sword, they will be posturing with a hilt minus blade. (don't forget to give the sword back)

Randomly start saying "What? I didn't say anything!" to a party member. If the DM goes along enough to play up the fact they think the prankster said something, you have the makings of a neurotic character.

During the evening, purchase the most broken-down nag available and lead it to the inn's stables. Carefully move all equipment (saddle, stirrups, saddle bags,...etc...) to the new (broken-down) horse. Lead the real horse away and put it up in another stable for the night. Make sure you're present in the morning when the munchkin sees that his high-spirited charger has instantly decayed into a candidate for the glue factory.

Forge a letter from the queen or princess saying something to this effect:
"Dear brave warrior, I have heard great tales of your exploits. And when you entered town the other day, I disguised myself and went down to observe you. I find your reputation and appearance extremely 'exciting'. The (King/Prince) is away on business and I would like to invite you to secretly spend the night with me at the keep. If you are interested, come to the keep tomorrow night. To ensure that we are not detected, I have informed my personal guard of what is going on. They are bound to me and will not say anything. When you approach the keep, tell the guards "I am (adventurer's name) I have come from across the lands to show the queen my charmed long staff. Where is her bedroom?" They will resist you. It is part of the plan. You must resist forcefully, it is the only way they will know it is you, for no one can match your might. Be obscene and verbally degrading when you speak about me, it will tell them it is you, for no one has the courage to speak against me. No matter what they say or do, resist. They will then lead you to my room, where you may spend the night with me. I look forward to seeing you again. The (queen/princess)."
Every player (males, anyway) I know of will not pass up the chance to boff the nobility. When they approach the keep, the player will probably get jailed and might get to see the queen later (at his trial).

Spread rumors in town that the victim carries all of his platinum on his butt. Then sit back and watch as everyone takes a pinch.

Spread a rumor in the local mages' guild that the victim's plain old quarterstaff is actually a long-lost artifact of great power. It is so great, it has the power to mask it's natural abilities and hide the evil intent of it's wielder. But be careful!, it holds many powers and to get it away from it's wielder, they must be sneaky. Sit back and watch what lengths mages will go to to take the staff.

Cast "Alarm" on someone's chamber pot.

Keld Denar
2007-12-07, 12:40 PM
My Occult Slayer regularly adventures with a Church Inquisiter. Between the 2 of them, they can detect magic and evil at will. So they do so....all the time. They regularly sweep the cone around in a circle, coving all angles for presence or absence of magic/evil. Everytime they stop to do that, one of the other players at the table pulls out his cell phone and plays a sound on it that sounds like a sonar ping. The table then completely cracks up for a good couple minutes.

As for silly jokes:

How many gnomes does it take to light a candle?
Just 1, but it only appears to be lit.

How many halflings does it take to light a candle?
What, you'd trust a halfling around your candle?

How many elves does it take to light a candle?
Three. One to sing, one to dance, and one to summon the spirit of joyous flame into the material realm.

How many dwarves does it take to light a candle?
Three. One to count the money, one to check for sliding stone doors, and one to point out that dwarves don't need candles because they have darkvision.

How many trolls does it take to light a candle?
Just one, but he does it VERY VERY carefully.

And finally, how many half-elves does it take to light a candle?
Just one....apparently half-elves are good at something!

2007-12-07, 01:13 PM
Variation on this:

How many trolls does it take to light a candle?
Just one, but he does it VERY VERY carefully.

How many trolls does it take to light a candle?
Just one, but you need a new troll after.

2007-12-07, 02:01 PM
Paint the barbarian's whole gear neon bright pink.
White some funny sayings on some papers and put them on top of the wizard's pile of scrolls. "I pee in bed... hey, that's not my scroll of invisibility".
Tie bells to the rogue's boots (tricky one).
Replace the cleric's holy symbol with a cheap copy of the holy symbol of an enemy's order.
Cook some chicken or cow meat, attract the druid's animal companion away with some of it, and while it is eating, offer the rest to the druid. "Your animal companion? I didn't see it. Btw, I made this BBQ with some dead wolf I found on the road."