Funny Campaign Creation Help

[drawingfreak]

I will be DMing a game come early January at my college. I have some good ideas but not the know-how to construct it all. Basically, it will be D&D 3.5e with a humorous twist. Something along the lines of Munchkin and the Kingdom of Loathing. If you don't know what either of those are...well, I can forgive KoL but Munchkin is a must know for geeks. Shame on you.

If you would be so kind as to help me out constructing these elements of the campaign, I would be most grateful.

Race Ideas
Elves: Small Humanoids, Three different clans: Keebler, Cobbler, and (Helper?). Keeblers are the elves proficient in baking sweets, mainly cookies. I'm guessing they would have +1 racial bonus to Cooking or Profession [baker]. Cobblers are the elves proficient in shoe making or shoe repair. I'm guessing they would have a +1 racial bonus to Craft [shoe]. I'm also considering that they need to make some kind of Will save should they stumble upon shoes in need of repair. Helpers are the Santa's Helper type. They obsess over making toys. Maybe a +1 racial bonus to Craft [toys]. As for the other racial modifiers, no idea.

Heavy Metal Constructs: These were created during the Battle of the Bands hundreds, maybe thousands of years ago. They were each created to make the perfect rock band. They speak Common with a hint of Surfer and Keanureevesian. I was thinking that the construct would lean toward the instrument of choice based on what material he is made of. For example, maybe those made of iron enjoy electric guitars. I'm unsure of any other modifiers other than a possible reduced speed due to their being "Heavy" Metal Constructs. Favored Class: Bard

Gotta have humans also, but I don't know what other weird Races to input. Suggestions?

Monster Ideas
Gingerbread Men: Tiny Gollum(?). They hail from the Frosting Hills between Gumdrop Gorge and the Big Rock Candy Mountain. They are an intelligent race. I was thinking of giving them some kind of Aura of Deliciousness that makes people go into a feeding frenzy if they fail their Will Save. The first of their kind was created by a Wizard (stupid wizards), and the knowledge for creating more was given to it, thus the creation of a species.

Rock Candy Elemental: Living in a cave at the peak of the Big Rock Candy Mountain. It takes double damage from licking and biting.

Undead Charlie Horse: At the base of the Big Rock Candy Mountain is a dead unicorn in a tub of ice. It has a note attached to it saying "Call a doctor". When the note is read, the creature awakens and attacks. It is immune to either all physical damage or just bashing damage (because it's useless to beat a dead horse).

Spider Monkeys: 1/2 Spider 1/2 Monkey hybrid, found in the Elfwood Forest

Machete Wielding Maniac: Some kind of undead human. At least a level 5 fighter. He resides on the Haunted House on the Haunted Hill in the Haunted Forest. He only appears when certain traps in the Haunted House are activated.

Butcherbakercandlestickmaker Fish: At first, it appears to be three men in a boat asking you to join them. This is really just a way to draw you in so the fish can eat you. The three men and the boat are just part of the fish on top of its head. The men speak whatever language is your characters native tongue.

Must Have Locations
Once everything is planned out, a map can be made. Here is what I
have so far.
Big Rock Candy Mountain: made up mostly of Rock Candy. The only way to reach it is through Gumdrop Gorge and the Frosting Hills. It has several streams running down it filled with alcohol, money growing on bushes, an abandoned train station, a small copse of trees growing cigarettes, springs of lemonade, a lake of whatever stew you are currently craving, a lake of whiskey, and is enforced by peg legged policemen with poorly built, easily escapable prisons.
Possible Encounters: Undead Charlie Horse, Rock Candy Elemental, Swarm of Bees, Birds, Pegged Leg Police (level 1 fighters), Rubber Tooth Bulldogs, and a Common Raggamoffyn made of Bees (see MMII), ?

Frosting Hills: surrounding the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Can only be accessed by the Gumdrop Gorge. Covered in edible frosting. Scattered across it are villages of Gingerbread Men. The streams of alcohol from the Big Rock Candy Mountain are magically processed into Milk by the Gingerbread Men.
Possible Encounters: Gingerbread Men, ?

Gumdrop Gorge: The only entryway to the Frosting Hills. It is dangerous as sticks of gum drop from the sky at high velocities causing piercing/slashing damage. Sometimes it hails Bazooka for bashing damage.
Possible Encounters: ?

Elfwood Forest: Home of the Elves and the highly recognized elvish bard, Danny Gnoman.
Possible Encounters: Elves, Spider Monkeys, ?

Forest Swamp: It is a forest on top of water. The ground occasionally is hard to walk on, like walking on a water bed. Sonics or high winds can cause waves in the water below, making it even more difficult to remain standing.
Possible Encounters: ?

Haunted Forest: It is a forest filled with the undead. What more can you ask for?
Possible Encounters: ?

Haunted Hill: In the dead center of the Haunted Forest is the Haunted Hill. The Haunted Hill houses the Haunted House which is surrounded by a large cemetery.
Possible Encounters: ?

Haunted House: In the dead center of the Haunted Hill is the Haunted House. The wooden floors and doors all creak no matter how much they are oiled. Traps include the Doom Shower. Any female character entering the bathroom needs to make a Will save or else they are compelled to undress and take a shower. The Machete Wielding Maniac appears outside the curtain and attacks, catching the female flat footed and without weapons or armor. Another trap is the Doom Bed. When a male and female (or two of either gender of homosexual orientation) of any race enter a bedroom, they are compelled to "go at it" on the bed despite previous attitudes toward each other. During this, the Machete Wielding Maniac appears and attacks, catching them flat footed and without armor or weapons. If both occur, the Maniac attacks the Doom Shower Victim first. The source of the Maniac is his body down in the basement, which is locked. The body is chained to the wall and is mostly skeletal. If the basement is accessed, the Maniac immediately attacks there.
Other rooms include: Library, Kitchen, Dining Room, and Den.
Possible Encounters: Machete Wielding Maniac, Obligatory Flying Books, ?

I will be adding to this as we go. Please help with the statistics and other information. I am also taking suggestions for other weird and funny things.
===========================
Updated Information (12-25-07)

Keh'Blur Elf Racial Traits (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3639291&postcount=12)
Cah'Blur Elf Racial Traits (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3639291&postcount=12) (possible addition of a -1 or -2 Wisdom penalty)
Heavy Metal Construct Racial Traits (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3647328&postcount=18)
Protagonist Racial Traits (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3647448&postcount=19)
Half-Protagonist Racial Traits (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3655208&postcount=23)
Wise Old Hermit Racial Traits (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3655329&postcount=24)
Possible Class Conversions (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3659781&postcount=27)
Rock Candy Elemental (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3664779&postcount=29)
Gingerbread Men (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3666763&postcount=30)
Class: The Mime (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3678073&postcount=33)
Plot Hook Idea (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3683525&postcount=40)
The Rabbits of Cadburry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3706042&postcount=46)

[Charlie Kemek]

use this (http://www.giantitp.com/articles/Cc85LTNvTgOuH1xTRjz.html) website of rich's for the gingerbread golum.

[Unscrewed]

Also, look up the "Drunk DM competitions" at Wizards forums. Funny yet functional stuff. The wierder class is from this forum is great for surrealness

[Xuincherguixe]

Every so often, there should be an out of place monkey. Never explain why it's there.

[13_CBS]

If there are orcs in this campaign, indicate that they're all part of the society of MOOKs (Minions of Orcish Kingdoms). Most of them wear masks, making them faceless.

Also, include goggles. Make sure they do nothing.

[Mewtarthio]

Also, look up the "Drunk DM competitions" at Wizards forums. Funny yet functional stuff. The wierder class is from this forum is great for surrealness

NB Link to the Weirdrer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11491)

[BisectedBrioche]

What about an artificial race of rogues, known as constructs. They gain bonuses to bluff/sense motice checks and Craft(moustace wax) is always a class skill.

[Randel]

Monsters
Indigo Cyclops:
a fiendish outsider from the chromatic plane of purple. Notable characteristics include having one eye, one horn, the ability to fly, and being a bright purple in color. It has the tendency to eat any humanoid who is colored purple but won't attack those who arent (if questioned about this it will say non-purple people are "too tough") It can blow air through holes in the horn on its head and create almost any sound in this way, it can use this ability to speak any language it knows, to produce music, or to produce magical effects like Irresistible Dance or bardic music.

Aside from eating purple people, most Indigo Cyclops express a desire to gain ranks in profession(rock and roll band member) and wear short shorts. Their natural enemies include big purple dinosaurs and teletubbies.



Celestial Bears:
small celestials that live in a cloud-filled demiplane known as Care-alot. Each celestial bear chooses a domain and is intensively devoted towards furthering knowledge of this domain. Each one has a distinctive coloration, a symbol on its belly, and a spell-like ability related to its personal domain. When several Celestial Bears work together against a common foe, they can combine their power to unleash a devastating attack known as a Care Bear Stare.


Classes
Card Wizards:
Spellcaster who prepare their spells each day by selecting cards and putting them in a deck. People assume that they shuffle the deck, but considering the number of times a Card Wizard has said "Aha! Just what I needed" or "I place my faith in the heart of the cards... I can't lose!" it can be speculated that at least a few stack their decks or somehow manipulate the order of them. Though their powers are many, they do tend to get a little over their head in situations out of their area of expertise. They tend to try solving any dispute by playing a children's card game.

Candymancer:
A crafter who can create powerful items out of sugary material, they are not a true spellcaster in the normal sense but can emulate spells when crafting candy items. They can however infuse sugary objects with power to enhance them in various ways, non-sugery objects can be infused by having them suger-frosted and dipped in chocolate. Candymancers may also infuse small sweets to act as temporary potions, though this costs 'sugar points' from their sugar reserve. Many Candymancers take ranks in Use Plot Device or Craft(macaroni and cheese) to make themselves more effective in storylines and to vary their diet respectively.

Hamburgler:
A roguish class whos main class feature is to sneak up on people and deal extra damage through a sneak-attack. They are also very effective at judging the value of things... something that most spellcasters are horribly unable to do for some reason. While supposedly hamburgers are supposedly supposed to steal hamburgers, they get most of their income by replacing the clerics 6,000 gp worth of diamond with 2 cp worth of broken glass, perfectly content with knowing that their victim will never be able to tell the difference.

Objects
Sugar Shack:
A foot building out of gingerbread and frosting. The building lasts for 24 hours or until eaten. Due to the flammability of sugary products the fireplace is extra large and insulated... though it is possible to accidentally trap somebody inside it.

Candy Ship:
A seaworthy ship made out of candy, lollipop oars propel it forward.

Sugar meltdown:
A sweet viscus substance that contains 200% super-saturated sugar. Initaial contact with it either contact or ingested requires a DC 20 fort save or be knocked unconscious, secondary effect causes wisdom damage. If the initial save is successful, the person effected is effected as if by the haste spell. Small children receive a +2 bonus on this fort save.

Dwarven Vodka:
A small bottle of highly explosive alchohol, it can be thrown as a splash weapon at which point it bursts into flame upon contact with air. It acts just like alchemists fire except that dwarves can safely drink it if they are careful.

[Mewtarthio]

There's a lot of funny homebrews floating around on these boards. How would you like a dragon that is the paragon of boring dullness (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=59834)? A swarm of puppies (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10885)? A disgruntled glob of Christmas lights (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11290)? An annoying kid (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10805)?

[brian c]

You totally need to have a Rouge class. I think somebody actually wrote one up on here, lemme see if i can find it... ah, here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10445&highlight=rouge)

[drawingfreak]

I'm loving the suggestions so far, but can anyone help with the numbers? Math is not my friend and I have so far failed when it comes to making 3.5 things balanced or even balanced-ish. I find the directions in the books rather...vague at best.

As far as the Gingerbread Golem goes, there are somethings I would like to change:

Temporary Lifespan- I want them to live at least 5 years before going stale. There is something magical about being a living cookie that expands their life beyond two weeks.Which brings me to...
Staleness- With an extended lifespan, staleness is just their version of death by old age. No saves against it.
Creator Command- They are, or at least now are, their own entities. When a mommy cookie and a daddy cookie love each other very much, they bake their children themselves. Gives a new meaning to having a bun in the oven, eh?
Fleeing Combat- NAY! NAY, I say! I want them to have all sorts of candy based weaponry. How else are they going to protect their gingerbread homes from hungry invaders?
I think the rest is good. How would this effect the CR and/or other stats? Is there a way to give them an LA just in case I would be kind enough to allow someone to play one? Would they even HAVE an LA?

More ideas are great but I really need them super creator people to help. Pweez?

[drawingfreak]

Well, I decided to suck it up and give it a shot. At least for the Races. Monsters will have to take more courage than I can scrounge up right now.

Elf, Keebler Traits

+1 Dexterity and Intelligence, -1 Strength and Wisdom
Small Size: +1 AC, +1 attack, +4 Hide, -4 grapple, lifting and carrying is maximized at 3/4 that of a Medium character
Base Land Speed: 20 feet
+1 racial bonus to Cooking (or Craft [baked goods]), Profession [baker], and any Search, Spot, or Survival checks to locate a Bakerwood Tree (gives a +1 circumstance bonus if baking within it)
Automatic Languages: Common, Elvish
Favored Class: Wizard
Elf, Cobbler Traits

+2 Dexterity, +1 Intelligence, -1 Charisma
Small Size: +1 AC, +1 attack, +4 Hide, -4 grapple, lifting and carrying is maximized at 3/4 that of a Medium character
Base Land Speed: 20 feet
+1 racial bonus to Craft [shoes]
Shoe Madness: If the Cobbler Elf sees a shoe in need of repair, he must make a Will Save DC 12
Automatic Languages: Common, Elvish
Favored Class: Rogue
Elf, Helper Traits

+1 Intelligence and Charisma, -2 Wisdom
Small Size: +1 AC, +1 attack, +4 Hide, -4 grapple, lifting and carrying is maximized at 3/4 that of a Medium character
Base Land Speed: 20 feet
+1 racial bonus to Craft [toys], Profession [Toy maker], and Appraise
Automatic Languages: Elvish
Favored Class: Sorcerer
Heavy Metal Rocker Construct

+2 Charisma, +1 Dexterity, -2 Intelligence and Wisdom
Medium Size
Base Land Speed: 20 feet
+1 racial bonus to Balance, Jump, and Tumble, +2 to Perform [Rock]
Natural Armor: +1 to AC
Construct Traits: Immune to all mind-affecting effects, poison, sleep effects, paralysis, stunning, disease, death effects, and necromancy effects. They cannot be healed of damage on their own, though they can be repaired. They are not subject to critical hits, nonlethal damage, ability damage, ability drain, fatigue, exhaustion, and energy drain.
Automatic Languages: Common, Rock (guttural growls and screams)
Favored Class: Bard

I think the Heavy metal Construct is a little over powered. Suggestions?

EDIT: Took a shot at a monster. I present to you the...
Undead Charlie Horse

{table]Large Undead|
Hit Dice|8d12+18 (70 hp)
Init.|+2
Speed|60 feet
Armor Class|19 (-1 size, +2 Dex, +8 natural)
Base/Grapple|+4/+14
Attack|Horn +9 melee (1d8+6) or Slam +9 melee (1d8+6)
Full Attack|Horn +9 melee (1d8+6) and 2 hooves +3 melee (1d4+2)
Space/Reach|10ft/5ft
Special Attacks|-
Special Qualities|Damage Reduction 5/slashing, Single Actions Only
Saves|Fort+2, Ref+2, Will+6
Abilities|Str 22, Dex 15, Con -, Int -, Wis 10, Cha 1
Skills|-
Feats|Toughness
Environment|at the base of the Big Rock Candy Mountain
Organization|Solitary
Challenge Rating|3
Treasure|none
Alignment|Always neutral evil
Advancement|10-16 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment|-[/table]

This unicorn was tricked into going to a false Candy Mountain where upon its kidney was stolen. Having died, it seeks revenge and will take it on whomever approaches its tub of ice to read the "Call a Doctor" note.

[Lady Tialait]

A little overpowered for the sake of balancing them all as LA 0....would be the cobbler elves, and the heavy metal construct...but those are the only ones that jump out at me.

[rickvoid]

Change Keebler to Khee'bler, change Cobbler to Cobb'ler, and don't forget to add the elves of Sahn'ta.

8-Bit Theater for the win!:smallbiggrin:

[DracoDei]

I recommend my Beige Dragons, Splitter Gryphons, and perhaps Giraffe-a-pumps. See my full list of home brew in the links in the link in my signature (boy that makes it sound more complex than it is!)... if you REALLY want something surreal throw in an NPC Rethgif (scroll to the very end of my extended signature, past the filk part).

Edit: Upon actually reading more of the thread I discovered that Mewtarthio had already posted a link to my Beige Dragon.

[Rigon]

Zhemtzarunmz the evil fly.
tiny magical beast.
HD 2D10+10 (19hp)
STR2, DEX30, CON20, WIS-, INT6, CHA8
AC: 10 +2(tiny), +10(dex), +1(natural) = 23
flat footed: 11
touch ac: 22
reflex 11, fortitude 5, will - (immune)

yes he's evil. yes he's a fly. well he's a magical fly but lets us not get lost in the details.
he has spell like abilities. yeees.

Zhum: at the beginning of each round Zhemtzarunmz (darn it's hard to type) can decide to make his wings Zhum at an awful loudness. no can sleep withing 90ft (not even with magical slumber spells).

Distract: the awesome speed of Zhemtzarunmz's flight makes him annoying to hit. He can decide to zumaround one medium or larger target to make himself "untouchable" to all of the target's moves. if they have a chance of missing then they miss automatically. also every attack made by others against Zhemtzarunmz while he is zumming around a target has 20%(+10% for each size category above medium) chance to be directed at Zhemtzarunmz's zumaround target, 40%(+5% for each size category above medium) to completely miss and the remaining % of attacks are aimed at Zhemtzarunmz (still have to hit through AC / reflex).

[DracoDei]

Depending on character level Evasion or Improved Evasion should apply to the Evil Fly.

[drawingfreak]

Attempting to fix the Heavy Metal Constructs by looking at the War-Forged statistics.

Heavy Metal Construct

+2 Charisma, +1 Dexterity, -2 Intelligence and Wisdom
Medium Size
Base Land Speed: 20 feet
+1 racial bonus to Balance, Jump, and Tumble, +2 to Perform [Rock]
Natural Armor: +1 to AC
Living Construct Traits:

Have a constitution score
derive their statistics from the classes they select
lack dark- or low-light-vision
not immune to mind-affecting spells, critical hits, nonlethal damage, stunning, ability damage, ability drain, death, or necromancy effects
immune to poison, sleep effects, paralysis, disease, nausea, fatigue, exhaustion, effects that cause the sickened condition, and energy drain
can be effected by spells that target living creatures, or spells that affect constructs. However, healing spells and supernatural abilities that cure hit point damage or ability damage provide only half their normal benefit to them.
can be raised or resurrected.
do not need to eat, sleep, or breathe, but still benefit from potions and magical foods. Nevertheless, spellcasters must still rest normally before preparing spells.
Automatic Languages: Common, Rock (guttural growls and screams)
Favored Class: Bard

Any better?

Also, messing with the elven names seems fun. Lemme try.
Ke'Blur, Cah'Blur, Sahn'tah

[drawingfreak]

For the Cobbler, how does taking away a Wisdom point or two sound?

Also...New Race!

Protagonists

+2 Charisma, +1 Strength, -2 Wisdom, -1 Constitution
Medium
Base Land Speed: 30 ft
Aura of Disbelief: Once per day, a Protagonist can activate their Aura of Disbelief, at a Will Save DC 9+ character level. It causes the people within 5 feet of him to become stunned and focused on his absolute awesomeness, especially so if he has none to speak of, for 1d4 rounds.
+1 racial bonus to Bluff, Diplomacy, and Perform [cheesy, uplifting speech]
Automatic Languages: Common
Favored Class: Paladin

[Fuum Bango]

Some ideas for "Gods":
- Saint Nickolas - Neutral Good giver of gifts and patron of winter, monks, the poor and feasts.
- The Weird Sisters - True Neutral hags that tell riddles and have domain of common sense, stories and magic. That said, they are, somehow, every group of old women all over the world. Their clerics can talk to them by asking any old washer-women, coven of crones and hags a question.
- Rugidd - Chaotic Good goddess of war, blood, pointy metal things. She hates magic and diplomacy, her clergy are bound by her laws to just bash monsters old school style. She often gifts he favoured with weapons, which they must use or face her wrath.
- Im - Lawful Evil god of serenity. He is much like a calm guru, he talks to his followers openly, but only they can hear him. So most think they're mad. His teachings are contriditory and he is above all the rules he makes when he needs to be.
- Boogey - Chaotic Evil creature that lurks under every bed, in every alley. He has no grand plan, but scaring people feeds him and his clerics are asked to do the same. When confronted however, he is a coward. Imagine a god running away. :smallsmile:

[drawingfreak]

I'm thinking of making Santa a monster of some kind. Ever read Commissioned? Well, every December comes the fight between O (the main character) and the Red Roof Lurker who steals the world's supply of cookies every Christmas. I wanted something along those lines. I'm thinking a demon, be it a fat, sweets loving demon, enslaved some Cah'Blur Elves thousands of years ago. Having been raised as slaves, their descendants, the Sahn'Tah Elves, are forced to build cheap, usless toys to clutter the homes of the world.

So I need:
1) Stats for Sahn'Tah, the Elf-slaver
2) Remove Sahn'Tah Elves as a PC race and treat them as monsters. This way, I could add some more qualities I have in mind for them without having to worry about LA balance right now.
3) More Races. I have Ke'Blur Elves (wizard), Cah'Blur Elves (rogue), Heavy Metal Constructs (bard), Humans (any), and the Protagonists (paladin). Classes left are Barbarian, Cleric, Druid, Fighter, Monk, Ranger, Sorcerer. I'm thinking that I need two more races, maybe with Favored Classes of Barbarian and Monk. I don't think I've seen the Monk as an FC before.

[DracoDei]

Actually there may be a way you can have your cake and eat it too. The PC types could be escapees who lost some of their powers when they escaped his influence which provides some of the boosts to their abilities.

[drawingfreak]

NEW RACE!

Half-Protagonist
+1 Charisma, -1 Wisdom
Medium
Base Land Speed: 30 ft
Aura of Partial-Disbelief: Once per day, a Protagonist can activate their Aura of Disbelief, at a Will Save DC 9+ character level. It causes the people within 5 feet of him to become stunned and focused on his absolute awesomeness, especially so if he has none to speak of, for 1d4 rounds. However, there is a 75% chance this will not work.
+1 racial bonus to Diplomacy
Automatic Languages: Common
Favored Class: none

[drawingfreak]

New Race!

Wise Old Hermit
+2 Wisdom, -2 Charisma
Medium
Base Land Speed: 30 ft.
Mute: A Wise Old Hermit is incapable of speaking save for when he uses Wise Words.
Wise Words: Once per day, a Hermit is able to speak a profound truth about life. Unfortunately, due to their insanity from years of seclusion, it may not sound so profound right away, if ever.
Combat Amnesia: When not engaged in combat, a Hermit is unable to fight and is also considered flat-footed. Once the DM has called for initiative, there is a 45% chance that the Hermit will recall how to fight and AC is dealt with normally. If he does not recall right away, he may attempt to remember at the beginning of the each round. Once combat is over, he forgets it all.
Improved Unarmed Strike: Wise Old Hermits gain this as a free feat.
+1 racial bonus to Heal, Listen, Spot, and Survival.
Automatic Language: Common
Favored Class: Cleric

[Baxbart]

My current campaign is very surreal and anti-serious, borne of polish vodka, a lazy DM (who can't be bothered to get his books off the shelf or write any story) and some vaguely discworld-ish themes.

Examples that might work for you:
- Exchange the 'Trapfinding' Rogue class ability for 'Trafficking' (Our Rogue has this... his handwriting was appaling, so the DM assumed that 'Trafficking' was what the sheet said) - Let the players come up with ingenious uses for it.

- Dwarves get the racial skill - Plait: Armpit hair (Our party dwarf is a gender-confused, shaven-headed and beardless dwarf. However, his armpit hair is meticulously maintained)

- Detect: Plot, an absolute must have for at least one member of the party. If nobody has any spellcasting ability, just assign it as a supernatural ability to someone at random. When used, it does little more than simply point in the direction of the nearest interesting plot twist or development.


The more unorthodox, the better. In the last session alone we elected Death (as in the Grim Reaper himself, though none of us have figured it out yet) to be our party guide through the desert, we refused to buy food and instead use the cleric as a means of purifying a small mountain of dead camel/dog meat that we brought in a cart, and we were attacked by pirates (yes, in the desert - Their 'ships' were camels, they appeared to be utterly delusional and had affixed masts to the camels and carried small cannons, but never managed to hit anything).

[DracoDei]

So... if you sneak up on their transportation in the night and knock it over, does that count as cow-tipping (camel-tipping???) or capsizing enemy vessels?

Were the masts attached to the saddles or surgically implanted?

[drawingfreak]

Possible Class Conversions
Sorcerer or Wizard --> Candymancer (statistics are the same save for the player must convert each spell cast to reflect candy)

Barbarian --> Hillbilly (just change Rage to Drunken Rage, which is, of course, induced by moonshine)

I get the feeling that if I include Hillbillies in the game, I will be have to allow for some modern weaponry so they can have a shotgun. Shotgun in one hand, moonshine in the other...yelling for their wife to come back before they get a worse beating...good times.

[Baxbart]

So... if you sneak up on their transportation in the night and knock it over, does that count as cow-tipping (camel-tipping???) or capsizing enemy vessels?

Were the masts attached to the saddles or surgically implanted?

We didn't really need to worry about it... when they fired the cannons, the recoil would knock them over anyway!

The masts were attached to the saddles. I believe one of them also has a crows nest with a halfling in it.

[drawingfreak]

MONSTER! God bless Vorpal Tribbles threads. They helped.

{table]|Rock Candy Elemental
Size/Type|Large Elemental
Hit Dice|5d8+25 (47 hp)
Speed|40 ft. (8 sqrs.)
Initiative|+5
Armor Class|20 (–1 size, +1 DEX, +10 natural), touch 10, ff 19
Base Attack/Grapple|+3/+13
Attack|Slam +8 melee (1d6+6)
Full Attack|Slam +8 melee (1d6+6) then slam +3 (1d6+6) or Crystal shot +3 ranged (1d8)
Space/Reach|10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks|Crystal Shot
Special Qualities|Damage from biting x2, damage from licking 1d6, Damage reduction 10/slashing, elemental traits
Saves|Fort +9, Ref +2, Will +4
Abilities|STR 22 (+6), DEX 13 (+1), CON 20 (+5), INT 7 (-2), WIS 17 (+3), CHA 18 (+4)
Skills|Climb+10, Hide 0, Intimidate+11, Listen+6, Spot +6
Feats|Improved Initiative, Point Blank Shot
Environment|Cave at the Peak of the Big Rock Candy Mountain
Organization|Solitary
Challenge Rating|5
Treasure|Standard
Alignment|Evil
Advancement|6-10 HD (Large), 11-14 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment|-[/table]
The strange rock formation rises to its feet. The sun reflects off its rock candy surface as it reaches out with its massive arms.
Rock Candy Elementals are roughly 10 feet tall. They range from any color that rock candy has ever been created at. They weigh about 750 pounds.

Elemental Traits
Darkvision out to 60 feet.
Immunity to poison, sleep effects, paralysis, and stunning.
Not subject to critical hits or flanking.
Unlike most other living creatures, an elemental does not have a dual nature—its soul and body form one unit. When an elemental is slain, no soul is set loose. Spells that restore souls to their bodies, such as raise dead, reincarnate, and resurrection, don’t work on an elemental. It takes a different magical effect, such as limited wish, wish, miracle, or true resurrection, to restore it to life.
Proficient with natural weapons only, unless generally humanoid in form, in which case proficient with all simple weapons and any weapons mentioned in its entry.
Proficient with whatever type of armor (light, medium, or heavy) that it is described as wearing, as well as all lighter types. Elementals not indicated as wearing armor are not proficient with armor. Elementals are proficient with shields if they are proficient with any form of armor.
Elementals do not eat, sleep, or breathe.


Combat
Crystal Shot: A Rock Candy Elemental can create a spear-like weapon from rock candy in its hand. They take an action to create one. These rock candy spears do 1d8 piercing damage with a crit. range of 20.

[drawingfreak]

NEW MONSTER! Once again, Vorpal Tribble's creation thread is awesome. I'm loving this. Also, I took some ideas from the Golem page by Rich.

{table]|Gingerbread Man
Size/Type|Diminutive Construct
Hit Dice|2d10+2 (13 hp)
Speed|10ft. (2 squares)
Initiative|+6
Armor Class|21 (+4 size, +6 Dex, +1 natural armor), touch 20, ff 15
Base Attack/Grapple|+1/-16
Attack|Candycane Spear +0 melee/+11 ranged (1d3[-5m]) or Heavy Candycane Crossbow +11 ranged (1d4)
Full Attack|Candycane Spear +0 melee/+11 ranged (1d3[-5m]) or Heavy Candycane Crossbow +11 ranged (1d4)
Space/Reach|1 ft./0
Special Attacks|none
Special Qualities|Living Construct traits, Uncanny Dodge, Vulnerable to Liquids x3
Saves|Fort +1, Ref +6, Will +1
Abilities|STR 1, DEX 23, CON 12, INT 10, WIS 12, CHA 10
Skills|Escape Artist +8, Hide +12, Jump -2, Spot +4
Feats|Run
Environment|Frosting Hills
Organization|Team (2-4), squad (11-20 plus 2 3rd-level sergeants and 1 leader of 3rd-6th level), or clan (30-100 plus 30% noncombatants plus 1 3rd-level sergeant per 10 adults, 5 5th-level lieutenants, and 3 7th-level captains)
Challenge Rating|2
Treasure|Standard
Alignment|Usually good
Advancement|by character class
Level Adjustment|+1(?)[/table]

[Looptwiss]

By Morodin's Beard! This is perhaps the best campaign setting about which I have ever read! Hilarity abound! Clever changes to myths and fables of childhood memory suited to mesh with the 3.5 world. LO! This campaign setting may find itself at my table within the fortnight! I AM OFF!

[Pronounceable]

Blatantly and shamelessly steal as much as you can from Discworld. Especially the early books.

[drawingfreak]

Thinking of putting together a Mime class. If this already exists, please help me find it.

The Mime
"I hate mimes." -anyone. No one likes mimes.

And now, you can hate mimes for a reason beyond their creepy exterior and silence. When these mimes perform, their gags become real. No one knows who discovered this ability, but mimes have been taught how to create actual invisible walls ever since.
Role: A mime's role in the party is that of a part trickster, part fighter, part spell caster. At first, no one will expect the mime of all things to actually do anything. Then when they are hit with an invisible club, they won't know what hit them, LITERALLY! (ba dum chish)
Organization: Mimes are all part of the MAMA (Mimes Against Mime Abuse) association. Their protests aren't well heard of. They're a quiet bunch. They trade secrets and information on their creations willingly and consider it flattery when other mimes use their ideas.
Races: Any race can be trained as a Mime. The most common are humans.
Religion: Mimes all believe in a god that follows some form of mimery. There is, however, St. Nottaclaoon (pronounced with a snooty French accent). He is the deity in charge of all mimes and mime-like actions.
Other Classes: While mimes tend to be friendly toward members of other classes, the other classes just don't care for mimes only because they are mimes. Mimes have their uses, though.

Game Information
Abilities: Charisma is the main stat for a mime as it is in charge of their Perform [Miming] checks. Dexterity is also good as it is used to control the mimed objects as well as add to the character's Armor Class.
Alignment: Any nonlawful. A mime is a free spirit who does what he pleases. This is rather unfortunate for the rest of us.
HD: d6

Class Skills
Balance (DEX), Bluff (CHA), Diplomacy (CHA), Escape Artist (DEX), Move Silently (DEX), Perform [Miming] (CHA), Sleight of Hand (DEX), and Tumble (DEX).
First Level: (4+INT mod)+4
Additional Levels: 4+INT mod

{table]Level|BaB|Fort|Ref|Will|Special|Mime-ings Per Day
1|+0|0|0|+2|Mime-ings, +1 Miming|5
2|+1|0|0|+3|+1 Miming|6
3|+2|+1|+1|+3||8
4|+3|+1|+1|+4|+1 Miming|9
5|+3|+1|+1|+4|+1 Miming|10
6|+4|+2|+2|+5||12
7|+5|+2|+2|+5|+1 Miming|13
8|+6/+1|+2|+2|+6|+1 Miming|14
9|+6/+1|+3|+3|+6||16
10|+7/+2|+3|+3|+7|+1 Miming|17
11|+8/+3|+3|+3|+7|+1 Miming|18
12|+9/+4|+4|+4|+8||20
13|+9/+4|+4|+4|+8|+1 Miming|21
14|+10/+5|+4|+4|+9|+1 Miming|22
15|+11/+6/+1|+5|+5|+9||24
16|+12/+7/+2|+5|+5|+10|+1 Miming|25
17|+12/+7/+2|+5|+5|+10|+1 Miming|26
18|+13/+8/+3|+6|+6|+11||28
19|+14/+9/+4|+6|+6|+11|+1 Miming|29
20|+15/+10/+5|+6|+6|+12|+1 Miming|30[/table]

Weapon Proficiencies
All simple and martial as long as they are mimed.
All light and medium armor and shields as long as they are mimed, including the Tower Shield.

Miming
Making a miming check: Perform Miming check DC=5 x object level
Others can make Perform Miming checks within the Mime Aura, but at a DC of (5 x object level)+10.
A Mimed object lasts for 1d6+CHA mod rounds or if it is Mimed away at a DC of 5.
A Mimed object can only exist within 15ft+5ft per CHA mod point. (Ranged weapons can damage past Mime Aura but the damage causing object disappears instantly afterwards.)
Cannot take 10 or 20 on performance checks.
Dexterity is used when calculating attacks and damage with Mimed weapons and when moving Mimed objects. Normal weapons and objects still require Strength.
Moves: (NEED HELP HERE...THESE ARE ALL ADJUSTABLE IF NEEDED)
Melee

1 ex: dagger
2
3 ex: longsword, +1 swortsword
4
5 ex: huge longsword

Ranged

1 ex: sling
2
3
4
5 ex: catapult

Defense

1 ex: buckler
2
3
4
5 ex: huge leather

Trap

1
2
3
4
5

Object

1
2
3
4
5

Penalties:
Miss Perform DC by:

5-1d2+CHA mod damage to HP
10-1d4+CHA mod damage to HP
15-1d6+CHA mod damage to HP. Loses 1d2+(current CHA mod) CHA points for 1d2 days
Critical Fail-Character loses 1d8+ CHA mod HP and is unconscious for 1d2 rounds. Loses 1d4+(current CHA mod) CHA points for 1d4 days

[DracoDei]

Wise Old Hermit

Mute: A Wise Old Hermit is incapable of speaking save for when he uses Wise Words.
<SNIP>
Favored Class: Cleric
Strictly read this means they need the "Silent Spell" feat and must apply it to all their spells... I would allow them to mutter unintelligibly under their breath or maybe shout total non-sense ("Pickle-squirrels were-radish fanging deathwish.")* for their verbal components as another exception to their muteness.

*Even in the worst moments I imagine "Words of Wisdom" making more sense than this... something along the lines of: "A halberd a day keeps the demilich away."

[drawingfreak]

Made the Mime post. ^

[DracoDei]

For what it is worth there was an issue of "Shoulin(sp) Showdown" that had a mime that seems to match the one you are trying to create...

[Uncle Festy]

This looks fun. I motion for the inclusion of "Summon Plot Exposition" and "Detect Plot Hook" spells, as well as the "Campaign Villan" template.

[Heliomance]

Don't forget the Craft Disturbing Mental Image feat. Although I feel that should be a skill - Craft (disturbing mental image)

[drawingfreak]

For what it is worth there was an issue of "Shoulin(sp) Showdown" that had a mime that seems to match the one you are trying to create...
...
Gong Yi Tanpai!

Sorry. If you can find it online, then please link it. I would love to see what they did. Right now, I need someway if telling the different levels of Mimery apart. I'm making it kind of like the Talent Trees in d20 modern.

[drawingfreak]

Another note:
As I continue making this world, it seems to be leaning more toward the Kingdom of Loathing (http://www.kingdomofloathing.com) form of humor and reference. And I'm ok with that.

Basically, nerd culture and pop culture references galore with no end in sight. Please keep this in mind as we continue and as you make suggestions.

CAMPAIGN IDEA:
The Hook: I'm not sure how the players are joined together, but I want them to find a Sahn'Ta Elf on the edge of death. He informs them that he escaped from a demon named Sahn'Ta and that his entire race are slaves. It is his dying wish that they destroy the demon once and for all. Thankfully, he has just enough energy left in him to tell them they need the Staff of Krin'Gul to defeat him. However, they cannot get to (location name under debate...something like Holiday Town or Holiday Land or something. It'll have various holiday references) by normal means of travel. They need to locate the scattered remains of Rudolf Hitler. It is ironic, because he was the reason the Elves summoned Sahn'Ta in the first place. Long genocidal story. I'll tell you later. Anywho, the remains are scattered and need to be located. Of course he will give a clue as to the location of the first piece of the Staff and to the first piece of Rudolf Hitler. Then he dies mysteriously.

Any suggestions? What next?

[Jolly Steve]

I have a table of plot ideas based on puns, which you might find useful.

It's at www.apolitical.info/webgame/tables , in the 'Adventure Ideas' section (right down the bottom).

[MrEdwardNigma]

Three things:
-I once made a mime class myself. They were mute casters who could summon invisible walls and such.
-Resembling Kingdom of Loathing is never a bad thing.
-When are you starting this campaign? I want in!

[Destro_Yersul]

I suggest an item along the line of "+(x) chocolates of yummy"

Anyone coming within 5ft of the chocolates must make a will save or eat one.

[Baxbart]

There are whole threads of stupid magic items going, such as this one: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65786

Definitely worth browsing through for some ideas.

[Uncle Festy]

I think we need a guild of wizards who think that the world is a game, and worship the almighty "game master" who they believe controls the world. Everyone thinks they're crazy, of course.
And yes, this is based just a bit off of RM from 8-bit, but more focus on the GM, and less on a guild of min-maxers.

[drawingfreak]

NEW MONSTER! He hails from the lands controlled by the evil Sahn'Tah.

{table]|The Rabbits of Cadburry
Size/Type|Diminutive Magical Animal
Hit Dice|1d10+1 (6 hp)
Speed|10ft. (2 squares)
Initiative|+2
Armor Class|16 (+4 size, +2 Dex), touch 16, ff 14
Base Attack/Grapple|+1/-16
Attack|Slam +0 melee (1) or Bite +0 melee (1d2)
Full Attack|Slam +0 melee (1) or Bite +0 melee (1d2)
Space/Reach|1 ft./0
Special Attacks|none
Special Qualities|Darkvision 60ft., Low-light vision, Magic Egg Laying
Saves|Fort +3, Ref +4, Will -4
Abilities|STR 1, DEX 15, CON 12, INT -, WIS 3, CHA 14
Skills|-
Feats|Run
Environment|Hawl’Edaeland
Organization|Solitary, or Pairs
Challenge Rating|1
Treasure|see Magic Egg Laying notes
Alignment|Good
Advancement|2-4 HD (Diminutive), 5-8 (Tiny)
Level Adjustment|-[/table]

Magic Egg Laying
The monster is supplied with standard treasure. HOWEVER, this treasure comes inside a chocolate egg that the rabbit lays in its final moments of life.

[drawingfreak]

As I will be playing this at my college for the next two quarters every Friday (starting January 11), I will be needing to break this campaign up over 18 weeks (or days if you prefer to see it that way). Week 1 and Week 18 are easy. I just need some assistance in splitting the game up over the Fridays.

Week 1
Introduction to the In-Sahn'Tah-ty
The players will start at level 4. Like every good RPG, I will have the player's begin by fighting rabbits. Nothing special about them. Just rabbits. Thus, the game starts with combat in Bakerwood Forest.

At the end of combat, they stumble upon an escapee from the slave driven Hawl’Edaeland. {{Listen DC 10/Spot DC 15}} He is a Sahn'Tah elf, as opposed to Keh'Blur and Cah'Blur. The elfs will be the only ones who can tell the difference, and are offended should anyone else not see it. {{INT DC 30, each race wears a separate color. Keh'Blurs wear Blue, Cah'Blurs wear Red, and Sahn'Tahs wear Green. Also, the nose is shaped slightly differently. Keh'blurs are rounder, Cah'Blurs are pointier, and Sahn'Tahs are in the middle.}}

The Sahn'Tah elf is injured and sick, on the edge of death. He introduces himself as Hermey and requests that the players stop the evil Sahn'Tah and that due to his Expositionitis (an incurable disease {{that means Clerics have no power to stop it}} caused by traveling in between planes of existence without the proper training), he must give them all the information they need before finally finding peace in the afterlife.

He tells them of the Staff of Krin'Gul. It is an item of power so...er...powerful that it can "de-level", if such a thing as levels existed, Sahn'Tah, making him defeatable. It is created by combining 4 items (number of items subject to change): the Snow-globe of E. Frost {{location undecided}}, Starheart Metal, the Bracelet of Sir Richard of Simones, and a big stick fashioned from the wood of a Bakerwood tree bearing the mark of all the good races.

However, to save themselves from the horrors of Expositionitis, they will need a guide to Hawl’Edaeland. Centuries ago, there was an evil tyrant by the name of Rudolf...*pause for dramatic effect*...Hitler. He brought many an elf to Hawl’Edaeland to force them to work the toimetal mines and then would commit acts of genocide against them as well. Millions of elves died. Some elves became so desperate, they dared summon a beast of jolly red evil to stop the reign of Rudolf Hitler. Sahn'Tah did as they wished, scattering Rudolf Hitler's remains to the five corners of the world.

The players must therefore collect the pieces of Rudolf Hitler {{locations undecided}}, and find a way to return his spirit to it so that they may have a guide through the planer rifts to Hawl’Edaeland.

With all said and done, Hermey finally dies. That night, the group of players see a shooting star land a large mountain in the east. They must travel through the Gumdrop Gorge, brave the Gingerbread Men infested Frosting Hills, and survive the climb to the top of the Big Rock Candy Mountain to retrieve the first item: the Starheart Metal.
[/Endofunbearablylongstoryidea]

This may be a bit much to do in the first week alone. With the trials of the Gumdrop Gorge, the delicious Gingerbread Men, the Undead Charlie Horse, the temptations of the Big Rock Candy Mountain, and the fierce beast that lives in the peak...not to mention the time it takes to create the characters and the initial hunt for the rabbits (I plan on having 6)...it seems like a lot.

What I need:
locations for the different collectibles
sidequests to fill in time if needed
more collectible ideas to add to the Staff of Krin'Gul if need be
how to divide the body of Rudolf Hitler
assistance splitting the quest over 18 Fridays