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View Full Version : For LOLs - Jack Bauer vs Sauron!



Hung Lo
2008-03-06, 02:19 PM
We have just about every other character you can name pitted against the might of Sauron... how about a single man who epitomizes ruthless determination to accomplish his mission?

One man, a stranger to Middle Earth, stands in front of Elrond's council.

"I will take The Ring to Mount Doom," declares Jack Bauer.

Armed with a single handgun, his CTU shoulder bag (packed with lots and lots of ammo and other field ops equipment), his superior combat and espionage skills, and sheer determination, Jack Bauer accepts the Ring and sets forth from the gates of Rivendell...

Of course, all his "mundane" information and communication equipment doesn't work in Middle Earth - there doesn't seem to be any signal.

For purposes of this scenario, Jack has a palantir and a "handler" who can provide information and direct him where he needs to go. Also, Jack is the quasi-superhuman Jack of the "24", NOT the epic "Chuck Norris" level Jack who would make this mission into a 24-hour walk in the park...

Is this too silly?

Probably. :smallsmile:

Piedmon_Sama
2008-03-06, 02:22 PM
Man, now I wish I had some knowledge of 24 so I could write a scenario and participate in the lulz.

Somewhere in this storyline, Gollum gets waterboarded.

warty goblin
2008-03-06, 02:24 PM
I think this thread has already been done. Kudos on coming up with a decent background for it though.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-03-06, 02:25 PM
Question: Does Jack get a hacksaw?

DraPrime
2008-03-06, 02:28 PM
If Jack can conserve his ammo then he wins. He's proven that even when fighting enemies in body armor who are armed with far superior weapons, he can still win. He'll be able to make his way to Mt. Doom, and will then toss the ring in.

Executor
2008-03-06, 05:50 PM
I've created a monster...

EvilElitest
2008-03-06, 06:01 PM
I've created a monster...

it happens to hte best of us
from
EE

SurlySeraph
2008-03-06, 06:09 PM
"Damn it, Gandalf! We don't have time for this!"

Jack is awfully handy with his switchblade, but the superior reach of swords is a major problem. Sure, he can just shoot the orcs, but there's no way to get more ammo in Middle-Earth. Well, unless Dwarves can forge .45 cartridges and synthesize gunpowder, but we should go by demonstrated canon abilities.

Another problem is motivation and time management. Jack works best in quick bursts. He can go all-out with incredible endurance for a day at a time (examples: the black ops missions in his backstory, all 6 seasons of 24), but to trek across Middle Earth he'll need to keep that endurance up for months. Sure, Jack's incredibly badass, but a man gets tired eventually. Worse, Jack isn't in America. His fanatical patriotism has gotten him through a lot, but Jack might not work at his absolute best on behalf of Middle Earth.

I'd say that Jack's best chance is probably by using pure stealth. He's alone, he has no loyalty or reason to visit pretty much anyone in Middle Earth, so he probably wouldn't detour through Moria, break off from his quest to go through Rohan or Gondor, etc. That means he'd be spared from a lot of the fighting, and therefore wouldn't waste too much ammo, get in a lot of risky situations, or get Saruman or the Nazgul looking for him specifically. If Jack just hikes unnoticed, he can make it. Jack is more experienced in urban environments than in the wilderness, which could be a problem. He needs to avoid cities and just keep going.

Once Jack is actually in Mordor, he's pretty much guaranteed to succeed. There are plenty of industrial areas that he can hide in, he's sufficiently brutal and cunning that he could easily disguise himself as an orc, and nothing makes Jack succeed quite like the risk of losing at the last minute.

The one thing that we don't have to worry about at all is the Ring itself. Jack Bauer cannot be corrupted. He has volunteered for death over and over when he thought it would benefit his country. He has repeatedly given up everything he had to protect his colleagues at CTU. If Jack is going to do something morally reprehensible, it's because it's what he thinks is right. The promise of tremendous personal power holds no temptation for him.

SurlySeraph
2008-03-06, 06:15 PM
"Damn it, Gandalf! We don't have time for this!"

Jack is awfully handy with his switchblade, but the superior reach of swords is a major problem. Sure, he can just shoot the orcs, but there's no way to get more ammo in Middle-Earth. Well, unless Dwarves can forge .45 cartridges and synthesize gunpowder, but we should go by demonstrated canon abilities.

Another problem is motivation and time management. Jack works best in quick bursts. He can go all-out with incredible endurance for a day at a time (examples: the black ops missions in his backstory, all 6 seasons of 24), but to trek across Middle Earth he'll need to keep that endurance up for months. Sure, Jack's incredibly badass, but a man gets tired eventually. Worse, Jack isn't in America. His fanatical patriotism has gotten him through a lot, but Jack might not work at his absolute best on behalf of Middle Earth.

I'd say that Jack's best chance is probably by using pure stealth. He's alone, he has no loyalty or reason to visit pretty much anyone in Middle Earth, so he probably wouldn't detour through Moria, break off from his quest to go through Rohan or Gondor, etc. That means he'd be spared from a lot of the fighting, and therefore wouldn't waste too much ammo, get in a lot of risky situations, or get Saruman or the Nazgul looking for him specifically. If Jack just hikes unnoticed, he can make it. Jack is more experienced in urban environments than in the wilderness, which could be a problem. He needs to avoid cities and just keep going.

Once Jack is actually in Mordor, he's pretty much guaranteed to succeed. There are plenty of industrial areas that he can hide in, he's sufficiently brutal and cunning that he could easily disguise himself as an orc, and nothing makes Jack succeed quite like the risk of losing at the last minute.

The one thing that we don't have to worry about at all is the Ring itself. Jack Bauer cannot be corrupted. He has volunteered for death over and over when he thought it would benefit his country. He has repeatedly given up everything he had to protect his colleagues at CTU. If Jack is going to do something morally reprehensible, it's because it's what he thinks is right. The promise of tremendous personal power holds no temptation for him.

warty goblin
2008-03-06, 09:22 PM
The one thing that we don't have to worry about at all is the Ring itself. Jack Bauer cannot be corrupted. He has volunteered for death over and over when he thought it would benefit his country. He has repeatedly given up everything he had to protect his colleagues at CTU. If Jack is going to do something morally reprehensible, it's because it's what he thinks is right. The promise of tremendous personal power holds no temptation for him.

Sounds like a somewhat more badass and less modest Frodo, who, last I checked, was corrupted. The key here being Frodo never actually, apart from failing to destroy the Ring, does anything morally reprehensible (IIRC he never actually even kills anything). Jack is already, from what you said, at least willing to consider it, meaning the Ring will break him like it did Boromir.

AslanCross
2008-03-06, 09:29 PM
I see Jack Bauer as killing one of the Haradrim while he relieves himself, and putting on the face-concealing outfit and walking unmolested through most of Mordor.

Mr. Scaly
2008-03-06, 09:58 PM
Who gets shot in the leg?

Xuincherguixe
2008-03-06, 11:44 PM
From what little I know, he doesn't have a chance. Only the goodest of the good have any chance of failing to be corrupted by the Ring.

Let's say he doesn't come into contact with The Ring. Sauron might show up, and explain how his enemies are dangerous terrorists who are determined to bring disorder.

If that doesn't work? Send Orcs until he runs out of ammo. They're useless anyways. When he's out of ammo, some Ring Wraiths.


Or he could just be left alone to be found by some good guys, where if he's not killed off right away for being an ass, is a general ass and is detrimental to them. His only real use would be if you could somehow trick him into being near a bunch of Orcs. Who may or may not be able to kill him when he runs out of ammo. To be on the safe side, run when you get the chance, hope you never see him again.

Hung Lo
2008-03-07, 12:00 PM
"Damn it, Gandalf! We don't have time for this!"

Jack is awfully handy with his switchblade, but the superior reach of swords is a major problem. Sure, he can just shoot the orcs, but there's no way to get more ammo in Middle-Earth. Well, unless Dwarves can forge .45 cartridges and synthesize gunpowder, but we should go by demonstrated canon abilities.

Another problem is motivation and time management. Jack works best in quick bursts. He can go all-out with incredible endurance for a day at a time (examples: the black ops missions in his backstory, all 6 seasons of 24), but to trek across Middle Earth he'll need to keep that endurance up for months. Sure, Jack's incredibly badass, but a man gets tired eventually. Worse, Jack isn't in America. His fanatical patriotism has gotten him through a lot, but Jack might not work at his absolute best on behalf of Middle Earth..

Canonically, Jack was in the US Army Delta Force, so he isn't completely unfamiliar with wilderness... we usually see him in an urban setting, though.

Jack can probably survive a hand-to-hand encounter with a few orcs... after all, he killed a guy with his teeth while tied to a chair and he has numerous unarmed and knife kills. :smallsmile: He could use his gun to kill a bunch of orcs, but his ammo is a limited resource.

I agree, Jack does better than the average guy in terms of endurance, but Middle Earth is a long hard trek if you're by yourself. He probably finds a way to surge through the last 24 hours in his attempt on Mt Doom, if he gets that far.


I'd say that Jack's best chance is probably by using pure stealth. He's alone, he has no loyalty or reason to visit pretty much anyone in Middle Earth, so he probably wouldn't detour through Moria, break off from his quest to go through Rohan or Gondor, etc. That means he'd be spared from a lot of the fighting, and therefore wouldn't waste too much ammo, get in a lot of risky situations, or get Saruman or the Nazgul looking for him specifically. If Jack just hikes unnoticed, he can make it. Jack is more experienced in urban environments than in the wilderness, which could be a problem. He needs to avoid cities and just keep going.

Once Jack is actually in Mordor, he's pretty much guaranteed to succeed. There are plenty of industrial areas that he can hide in, he's sufficiently brutal and cunning that he could easily disguise himself as an orc, and nothing makes Jack succeed quite like the risk of losing at the last minute.

The one thing that we don't have to worry about at all is the Ring itself. Jack Bauer cannot be corrupted. He has volunteered for death over and over when he thought it would benefit his country. He has repeatedly given up everything he had to protect his colleagues at CTU. If Jack is going to do something morally reprehensible, it's because it's what he thinks is right. The promise of tremendous personal power holds no temptation for him.


I agree here, good points.

Also, if Jack is ever captured by the forces of Sauron and taken to Bara-Dur- that's the worst thing that Sauron could do, because Jack WILL find a way to escape and cause maximum harm to Sauron somehow... :smallwink:

I was hoping in Season 6 that Jack would escape from the Chinese prison camp and go on an epic rampage...

"Mr. President, Jack Bauer is on the line."

"Jack? You escaped from China? How did you do it?"

"Sir, I killed all of them."

"All of the prison guards - incredible!"

"No, the Chinese."

"You mean...?"

"Yes, Mr President. I killed all of them." :smallcool:

pendell
2008-03-07, 01:51 PM
Problem.

Jack Bauer is very familiar with Earth's wilderness, but he doesn't know anything about Middle Earth. Yeah, the Council can give him a map ... but as anyone who's ever done a wilderness hike knows, maps aren't always as helpful as you would like.

Especially in a place like Mordor, which no one has entered in decades, is hostile, and is moreover the main staging ground.

He's going to need a guide. At least two. One to get him across Middle Earth, and one to actually get into Mordor itself. Walking into Mordor -- even desolate, empty mordor -- would be a lot like walking into the Sahara.

For the trek across Middle Earth, I nominate Aragorn or Gandalf. To enter Mordor itself ... well, probably Smeagol if he's available. If not, I guess he'll have to capture a native orc or something.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

Hung Lo
2008-03-07, 03:10 PM
To be more "24"-like, he can get vague instructions from his handler via palantir... if any elf could withstand the psychic feedback coming back at him or her from Jack's towering rage.

A Gollum / Jack teamup probably ends with Gollum being waterboarded... or being shot in the leg, either way...

"Dammit, you little freak, I don't have time for this - talk NOW!" <BANG>

Mr.Silver
2008-03-08, 07:20 PM
The one thing that we don't have to worry about at all is the Ring itself. Jack Bauer cannot be corrupted. He has volunteered for death over and over when he thought it would benefit his country. He has repeatedly given up everything he had to protect his colleagues at CTU. If Jack is going to do something morally reprehensible, it's because it's what he thinks is right. The promise of tremendous personal power holds no temptation for him.

There's also his little habits of torturing and murdering people. Jack's list of morally reprehensible acts would make most villains a little uneasy. Whatever his motivations, he'd be corrupted. Probably in a matter of minutes.

SurlySeraph
2008-03-08, 09:07 PM
@^: The Ring doesn't corrupt people by making them sadistic, it corrupts them by making them greedy and power-hungry. Jack Bauer is a slaughter-oriented murderer and torturer, but he is a murderer and torturer for his country. Jack never seeks more power and authority, just more chances to help out.

warty goblin
2008-03-09, 12:10 AM
@^: The Ring doesn't corrupt people by making them sadistic, it corrupts them by making them greedy and power-hungry. Jack Bauer is a slaughter-oriented murderer and torturer, but he is a murderer and torturer for his country. Jack never seeks more power and authority, just more chances to help out.

Well, there is the bit where the Ring convinced Boromir that he could use it to save Gondor, which sounds rather like looking for a new way to help out and save Boromir's country, no?

In Jack's case, it seems he often wants information, which is why he goes around torturing people right? Well, information and secrets are also things that the Ring can promise to those who hold it, if it serves the Ring's ends. That's how it got Gollum to go into the Misty Mountains, by promising new secrets and new holes to explore.