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Illiterate Scribe
2008-05-27, 12:38 PM
So, this make take a little explaining, but bear with me.

Picture the scene - the Battlestar Galactica, with the Fleet, has finally reached Earth (Starbuck's directions were right, evidently), but not all is well. They are being pursued by a fleet of forty Cylon Basestars, which are seeking to wipe them out once and for all. They are also sporting a new model of Cylon; a group of salt-shaker shaped flying drones with a lightning based weapon and a penchant for EXTERMINATing their enemies.

As they jump, however, they are tracked - Grand Admiral Thrawn was waiting for them in Hyperspace, commanding a fully-crewed Sun Crusher, flanked by three World Devastators - he slowly slips out just behind the two groups pursuing each other, but is surprised to see not two, but four radar contacts - it's the Starship Enterprise, which, on advice from the Q, who is aboard, has tailed the last remaining Blackstone fortress, piloted by and bent to the will of the God-Emperor of All Mankind, who has assembled his First Legion of Space Marines, the Dark Angels, and is returning to Earth to defend it from the heresies that he has seen committed by the various aforementioned groups. Just as planned, says Tzeentch, as he drifts towards the lonely planet; but its plan is not all knowing, as it itself is pursued by Azathoth, the Nuclear Chaos, who has also taken an interest in the planet.

Meanwhile, on the surface of the planet, an odd, smartly suited, briefcase-toting man who talks ... in a strange and ... disturbing way, and his bodyguard, an orange armoured, bespectacled physicist toting a crowbar, known only as the 'one free man', have been seen attempting to drum up support for a defence of earth; this awareness of the peril, however, has only heightened the confusion and tension, as the various factions boil out of the woodwork - the Phoenix reasserts itself over Jean Grey, while Thanos seizes control of the Infinity Gauntlet; the Doom Marine rips and tears at Deadpool's side while, in a sleepy town in the UK, one Tom Riddle, a wizard supremacist, launches an attack on his enemies.

This situation is not helped when a Japanese schoolgirl, together with a somewhat sheepish band of misfits, declares that while she is pleased by the appearance of so 'many aliens, time-travelers, and espers', the current situation is too boring - and as such, a great rent in reality is opened, giving a certain withered Wizard of High Sorcery from Krynn the chance to break through and begin rampaging about - closely followed by an elderly half-kobold, half-sarrukh paladin/mage and his viper familiar, who is intent on stopping him. The many planes, however, are not the only source of strange sojourners; a rogue Maia, wielding a ring of power, also slips through the rift, closely followed by a steely eyed being of crone-like stature but tremendous strength, who will only refer to herself as 'Mistress Weatherwax'.

The vast amount of otherworldly energy released by this event is enough to bring in three more interested parties; the first, a post-scarcity galactic civilisation referring to itself only as 'the Culture', the second, a robot on whose mighty, galactic cluster level armour is inscribed the four words 'Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann', and a small boy from another planet, with a power level of 3,800,000,000,000.

As the battle commences on land and in the cold reaches of SPESS, I ask you, Media Discussions,

WHO WILL WIN

TL;DR:
Battle Royale between
The Battlestar Galactica
The Cylons
The Daleks
Thrawn in the Sun Crusher
The USS Enterprise, with the Q.
The God-Emperor of all Mankind, the entire Dark Angels Chapter, in a Blackstone Fortress
Tzeentch
Azathoth
The G-Man, with Gordon Freeman.
Jean Grey/the Phoenix
Thanos, with the Infinity Gauntlet
The Doom Marine (John Stalvern, before he was the demons)
Deadpool
Voldemort
Haruhi Suzumiya and the SOS-brigade
Raistlin
Pun Pun
Sauron
Granny Weatherwax
The Culture
Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Goku (Super Saiyan whatever)

LBO
2008-05-27, 12:40 PM
If we can get some competent artist on this one? Everyone.

(needs moar total annihilation)

Illiterate Scribe
2008-05-27, 12:43 PM
I am seriously tempted.

Bryn
2008-05-27, 12:48 PM
This message is written by a governmental group who came across the body of a young man, apparently calling himself 'Z-Axis' here, who was completely lacking a head. Autopsies suggest that it exploded due to concentrated awesomeness levels (although one of them hastens to suggest it may instead be win), and a hazard team proceeding with extreme caution as they examine his computer to determine what caused this tragic event.

In other words...
YES.

I'd be happy to draw it if I didn't have impending GCSEs. If it's still going in a couple of weeks, then I volunteer, although I'm not very used to drawing in anime/manga style. Would an OOTS-version do?

Drascin
2008-05-27, 01:04 PM
*blinks for a second trying to absorb all the awesome*

Okay, now THIS is a Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. Scribe, you're totally messed up in the head, but you're my kind of crazy alright :smallbiggrin:.

Still... Sorry to be a bit of a nitpicker, but this is all to smooth things so we can get to the pure, absolute, undiluted WIN that is this thread with as little problem as possible.


As they jump, however, they are tracked - Grand Admiral Thrawn was waiting for them in Hyperspace, commanding a fully-crewed Sun Crusher -

That would be Thrawn alone, with an assistant at most :smalltongue: - the Sun Crusher is basically a single-seat uber-stealthbomber. And given Thrawn's strength is his ability to direct troops with frightening tactical ability, I'm not sure that'd be fair to him - let's give him a couple Destroyers at least to avoid too many complaints.


The vast amount of otherworldly energy released by this event is enough to bring in three more interested parties; the first, a post-scarcity galactic civilisation referring to itself only as 'the Culture', the second, a robot on whose mighty, galactic cluster level armour is inscribed the four words 'Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann', and a small boy from another planet, with a power level of 3,800,000,000,000.


I assume you don't mean the actual Tengen Toppa, because that one is going to step on the Solar System and the dozen nearer star systems without even noticing them and it's game over, nobody wins. Let's restrict it to at most Chouginga Gurren-Lagann.

Apart from that, this is going to be really, really fun. Let me give it some thought, because there are a lot of people here, and it's going to take a bit of time to size all of them up in my head (especially since we have about three or four omnipotent beings in the melee, though of course you probably know which one I'll favor as more omnipotent than the others :smallwink:)...

And I second the motion for someone to try and draw it - if too many people for a single drawing, as a series of scenarios. This has to stay for posterity one way or another.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-05-27, 01:25 PM
That would be Thrawn alone, with an assistant at most :smalltongue: - the Sun Crusher is basically a single-seat uber-stealthbomber. And given Thrawn's strength is his ability to direct troops with frightening tactical ability, I'm not sure that'd be fair to him - let's give him a couple Destroyers at least to avoid too many complaints.

I'll give him a couple of World Devastators, leave it at that. I'm also bumping up the number of basestars as well - despite having Dalek

Galactica can stay as they are because, in all likelihood, they'd side with their GRIMDARK allies from the 41st millennium, and also, they've got some of the best pilots (Starbuck with her 'use starfighter to push other crippled starfighter to base' maneuver, and Karl Agathon with his 'infallible aura of being right about everything'.


I assume you don't mean the actual Tengen Toppa, because that one is going to step on the Solar System and the dozen nearer star systems without even noticing them and it's game over, nobody wins. Let's restrict it to at most Chouginga Gurren-Lagann.

I know well what I mean :smallamused: - I was going by the idea that Simon & co. would, as good guys, want to minimise civilian casualties, and so would have to either split it up, or deploy pinpointed attacks from a distance - I've never seen the anime, however, so I don't know how maneuverable it is.

Also, re:Omnipotent beings -


Pun-Pun is omnipotent, and indestructible, within his own rules set - this means that he may not be prepared against attacks that don't appear in DnD.
Haruhi - ridiculous time/space warping, but doesn't really know how to use it. Also, despite her evident mastery of strategy from the 'contest', is not the best tactical thinker, and is less likely to use her power in a Batman Wizard style than the others.
The Q is powerful on a literally boundless level, but can't overrule other omnipotent beings.
The Emperor and Tzeentch are both (or have become) avatars of feelings or emotion - hate and protectiveness, and hope and scheming, respectively. As such, they're both fairly hard to destroy, but have both taken major damage throughout the chronology
As a Lovecraftian entity, Azathoth is powerful, but he is only a more powerful version of the entity whose body was destroyed by ramming it with a steamboat.

LBO
2008-05-27, 01:42 PM
Needs more love.

Verruckt
2008-05-27, 01:45 PM
The ruckus in orbit disrupt an epic battle on a flying inverted mountain surrounded by vampiric bald eagles over the Wyoming plains. Lightening flashes, illuminating for a moment two apex combatants, who had just moments before been in the throes of mortal combat. "What in My Name was that?" says Chuck Norris, his five mighty fists glistening with sweat and blood. "I'm not entirely sure" replies Batman "But whatever it is we'd better get Bruce Lee into the Lazarus pit right away!"

"You mean this Lazarus pit?" says Master Chief, pointing to the doughboy pool slung beneath the pelican hovering over head. "No the other one you armor plated dolt..." comes the slow Irish drawl of a pale young teen flanked by a massive bald Eurasian man with a meaty handgun in on massive paw.

"Quite bickering, there is work to be done, vengeance to be wrought!" cries a green robbed figure, floating over the mountains edge, paper white skin gleaming in the rain. "Indeed" replies a heavily muscled figure in red and blue tights "I'll see if I can communicate with them using my SPACE VENTRILOQUISM!"

"Ventriloquism Does Not Work That Way!" cries Morbo, who promptly leaves only to be replaced by and extremely drunk two headed alien man from a planet in the vicinity of the supernova star Beatlegeuse who advises everyone to "Just Don't Panic" in precisely the way a mauve toaster wouldn't.


New Challengers:
Chuck Norris
Batman
Bruce Lee
Master Chief
Artemis Fowl and Butler
The Specter
Silver Age Supes

And special guest Zaphod Beeblebrox

(I'd include CAIPHUS CAIN, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, but he was to busy boinking a pair of Sororitas while an Inquisitor watched in the middle of the shrine of The Living Saint Kimberla the Chaste)

Ikol_777
2008-05-27, 02:00 PM
Battle Royale between
The Battlestar Galactica- No chance
The Cylons- No chance
The Daleks- No chance
Thrawn in the Sun Crusher- blow up sun and runs
The USS Enterprise, with the Q.- its up to Q and his omnipotence is less then some of these others
The God-Emperor of all Mankind, the entire Dark Angels Chapter, in a Blackstone Fortress- Maybe
Tzeentch- Maybe
Azathoth- Isn't he mindless and soulless otherwise a strong contender
The G-Man, with Gordon Freeman.- No chance
Jean Grey/the Phoenix- Underdog low end of the actual contenders
Thanos, with the Infinity Gauntlet- He would almost certainly win, when he had the infinity gauntlet before he turned off his omniscience to impress death and still beat every hero galacatus chaos order everything else up to and including the personification of reality (Eternity).
The Doom Marine (John Stalvern, before he was the demons)
Deadpool- loses in a funny way (unless he goes and gets squirell girl)
Voldemort- loses
Haruhi Suzumiya and the SOS-brigade-loses
Raistlin-- severe underdog
Pun Pun-- Severe underdog
Sauron-- No chance
Granny Weatherwax-- No chance
The Culture--- No chance
Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann-- No chance
Goku (Super Saiyan whatever)-- almost no chance.

Adumbration
2008-05-27, 02:04 PM
A man wearing the hat of the Wizzard is seen running and screaming expletives, with a piece luggage jogging after him... A small boy going by the name of Coin pops his head in through a hole in the fabric of the universe. "What's going on?"

Drascin
2008-05-27, 02:09 PM
I'll give him a couple of World Devastators, leave it at that. I'm also bumping up the number of basestars as well - despite having Dalek

Galactica can stay as they are because, in all likelihood, they'd side with their GRIMDARK allies from the 41st millennium, and also, they've got some of the best pilots (Starbuck with her 'use starfighter to push other crippled starfighter to base' maneuver, and Karl Agathon with his 'infallible aura of being right about everything'.

Well, I guess Thrawn will be having to make some quick alliances, then. Or Xanatos'ing his way into a few other factions killing themselves between them. I wonder what an invitation for Goku to dinner with him and a few data on the Emperor's impressive personal strength would cause :smallamused:.


I know well what I mean :smallamused: - I was going by the idea that Simon & co. would, as good guys, want to minimise civilian casualties, and so would have to either split it up, or deploy pinpointed attacks from a distance - I've never seen the anime, however, so I don't know how maneuverable it is.

It is not a problem of maneuverability , it's a problem of being too freaking huge! Seriously, we're talking about a mech who could use the whole Milky Way as a shuriken! They wouldn't even notice we're here until they have obliterated us by stepping on the galaxy!

If they do notice, yeah, they will de-form the Tengen Toppa either way (most likely into the Chouginga DaiGurren, which is a moon-sized battleship full of mook mecha and a couple dozens of hero mecha, and the actual Gurren-Lagann, because this way they'll reduce colateral damage that attempting a Chouginga Giga Drill Breaker in the close proximity of Earth would incur), so why not start with them de-formed already? By starting with it, you run a huge risk that the battle doesn't even start, as the battlegrounds dissapears as soon as it's transported into realspace.


Also, re:Omnipotent beings -


Pun-Pun is omnipotent, and indestructible, within his own rules set - this means that he may not be prepared against attacks that don't appear in DnD.
Haruhi - ridiculous time/space warping, but doesn't really know how to use it. Also, despite her evident mastery of strategy from the 'contest', is not the best tactical thinker, and is less likely to use her power in a Batman Wizard style than the others.
The Q is powerful on a literally boundless level, but can't overrule other omnipotent beings.
The Emperor and Tzeentch are both (or have become) avatars of feelings or emotion - hate and protectiveness, and hope and scheming, respectively. As such, they're both fairly hard to destroy, but have both taken major damage throughout the chronology
As a Lovecraftian entity, Azathoth is powerful, but he is only a more powerful version of the entity whose body was destroyed by ramming it with a steamboat.


I kinda only counted Pun-Pun, the Goddess, and the Q as omipotent. The others seem... a bit less omnipotent, if you get what I mean despite it being semantically impossible :smalltongue:. But yeah, we're probably going to get a lot of interference between Her and the Q - mostly because She'll think they're way too stuffy. Expect a lot of back-and-forth without her even noticing she's the cause of all the trouble they're having - but delighting in it nonetheless :smalltongue:. Still, I'd say She'll be a great moderating influence, despite most likely not getting directly involved on a conscious level, under two factors - one, if she dies, there's a good chance the world goes poof, and two, since She's actually a pretty good girl underneath and doesn't like people getting hurt, whoever kills someone She knows is going to have himself and his whole faction overwritten from reality. And since not even the Q can push the "undo" button against another omnipotent... So, basically, Haruhi can't win, per se, not without realizing her own powers first, but she cannot lose, either. So she'll be background here, mostly reacting and subconsciously changing things to make the Rule of Cool more prevalent, and messing with the other omnipotents.

And look at this, I said I didn't want to start making theories until I documented myself on everyone, and you've made me start blabbering :smallbiggrin:

Jerthanis
2008-05-27, 02:10 PM
This is a colorful match, but it comes down between Thanos W/Infinity Gauntlet and Haruhi, with Granny Weatherwax as a wild card. Thanos W/Infinity Gauntlet has the capacity to control every molecule in existence simultaneously, and convert any amount of it into any other shape or energy. Any threat too dangerous for him, that he can't undo with physicality, he can simply remove from time itself. The only domain he doesn't have access over is free will. The only reason Haruhi could possibly stand up to him is that she also controls everything everywhere. If Haruhi feels threatened, she would probably automatically destroy the entire universe and restart it without even realizing it.

The only way one or the other of those two doesn't win in my mind is if Granny Weatherwax takes one or both of them out. Since she's from Discworld, that means she gets "underdog" power, where for a good story she's able to take down any level of people more powerful than she herself is.

If Weatherwax does this, it's probably between Phoenix/Jean Grey and Q, but I must admit I'm not terribly familiar with everything on the list, like the Culture or Azathoth. Without being meaninglessly obtuse, like if you said that "In Star Trek, Tachyon does anything the plot needs, thus the Enterprise wins" or "Doom Marine Guy has access to the power to save his game, so if he loses he can just keep loading his save until he wins.", this is definitely a fight between the universe-scale reality warpers, and except for the ones who fight on a "Meta-level", involving manipulation of the story itself, like Gurren Lagen or Granny Weatherwax, nothing else even has the potential for success.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-05-27, 02:37 PM
NEEDS MOAR MUSIC!

How is this thread lacking on David Bowie singing "Ziggy Stardust", and Queen playing Princes of the Universe? It's be the coup de grace of awesome.

Now, on the subject: I'd say Pun-Pun triumphs, especially if he uses O. Mostly because he can use his supreme INT and WIS to realize that he can create the I Win ability and proceed to kick everyone else in the groin.

Really, there's only a few counters to Pun-Pun, and the only one I can currently remember is Iron Man while Painkiller and Iron Man are bursting out of a gigantic stereo system.

Seraph
2008-05-27, 02:47 PM
the Turn A activates moonlight butterfly and disintegrates all technology within the orbit of jupiter.

Verruckt
2008-05-27, 02:47 PM
everuyone who's debating who would win is missing the point by a few miles, less arguing, more seeing how much awesome it takes to fry Rich's servers :P

Nerd-o-rama
2008-05-27, 03:02 PM
I think, by definition, Azathoth would have to win, being the source of all energy in the material universe. Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann might beat him, but only at full hot-blooded power, at which point it just steps on everything else without noticing. Even O-Haruhi-sama and the White Phoenix of the Crown are of a lesser order of magnitude than Azathoth.

Then again, Granny Weatherwax can manipulate anything. She'll find some way to come out with a favorable outcome, if not a win.

WalkingTarget
2008-05-27, 03:03 PM
Hate to bring it up and possibly spoil the mood.


As a Lovecraftian entity, Azathoth is powerful, but he is only a more powerful version of the entity whose body was destroyed by ramming it with a steamboat.
[/LIST]

Azathoth and Cthulhu are not similar entities. Cthulhu is basically a big alien (who gets slowed down briefly by a steamboat-through-the-head), Azathoth is the blind, mindless chaos at the center of the universe. Note that the "mindless" bit probably comes into play in any sort of comparison to other godlike entities. [/nitpickery]

Now back to your normally scheduled awesome, already in progress.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-05-27, 03:48 PM
Now that I think of it, this thread is missing some Yahtzee. Why, oh why?

Illiterate Scribe
2008-05-27, 03:53 PM
Gah, I can't finish the drawn illustration because I have quite literally run out of pens (you think ballpoiints have a long life, but covering a page with them? :smallmad:). Anyway, next port of call - OotS-style.

Emperor Tippy
2008-05-27, 04:13 PM
Pun-Pun, Phoenix, or Haruhi Suzumiya

Any of the can erase the other participants from time and existence. Hell, one of them has complete control over all life in all time frames and is supposed to cause the next Big Bang, another has any ability it wants - including things like "I win"- and the third is god (but she doesn't know it).

LBO
2008-05-27, 04:17 PM
...:smallsigh:

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/motivator6976503.jpg

Bryn
2008-05-27, 05:03 PM
Volunteering for OotS style, as mentioned already. I'll be a while, though.

Today, I have been gathering references.
Does anyone have a good picture of the Blackstone Fortresses? All I have are these, which are good but small:
http://uk.games-workshop.com/necrons/eldar-mythology/images/blackstone-fortresses.jpg
http://www.tabletopwargames.com/bfg/99110802002.gif

Does anyone have a good picture of the Battlestar Galactica? No idea on this one. Got this one

Same goes for Azathoth. Wikipedia, thou hast failed me. I am aware that indescribable Lovecraftian horrors are pretty hard to portray, but any suggestions are cool :smallbiggrin:

Finally, I have no idea what to draw for the Culture. Suggestions please :smalltongue:

Everything else, I have or can easily find references for. This will be huge.

Poison_Fish
2008-05-27, 05:04 PM
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y286/Flib/DBZHaruhi.jpg

Illiterate Scribe
2008-05-27, 05:08 PM
The Battlestar Galactica (http://www.shipschematics.net/bsg/images/colonial/battlestar_galactica.jpg), Z-Axis.

And so say we all!

Bryn
2008-05-27, 05:13 PM
Ah, thanks! I should really watch that show :smallamused:

I intend to start once I finish revising tomorrow. I've already drawn Gordon (and Chell from Portal for that matter), and I'll be sure to post progress as it continues. Anything I should draw first? If not, I'll probably have a go at the SOS Brigade.

GoC
2008-05-27, 05:17 PM
Such awesomeness in one post...:smallcool:

Illiterate Scribe
2008-05-27, 05:23 PM
Ah, thanks! I should really watch that show :smallamused:

I intend to start once I finish revising tomorrow. I've already drawn Gordon (and Chell from Portal for that matter), and I'll be sure to post progress as it continues. Anything I should draw first? If not, I'll probably have a go at the SOS Brigade.

You should watch the show. It certainly has a touch of the WH40K grimdark, claustrophobic feeling, which is good.

Well, I've currently got a stand-off between Haruhi and the legendary Doom Marine (http://www.doomworld.com/10years/doomcomic/pics/sm02.png), over the dead body of Kyon - so, anything you like, really.

I'm also considering a 'proper', penned (and not biro this time :smallannoyed:) view from the bridge of the Astral Fortress.

WalkingTarget
2008-05-27, 06:02 PM
Same goes for Azathoth. Wikipedia, thou hast failed me. I am aware that indescribable Lovecraftian horrors are pretty hard to portray, but any suggestions are cool :smallbiggrin:


The problem here is that, while it is mentioned frequently, Azathoth isn't really described well within Lovecraft's body of work. About the best you get is this from The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath:

"...outside the ordered universe that amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles at the center of all infinity—the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes."

Another story refers to it with the phrase "nuclear chaos" which many later writers took to mean something to do with nuclear energy or somesuch, but I think it's more likely in reference to its central position in the universe. Nevertheless, it has influenced a lot of artists' depictions. You could always Google for images to give you some starting points, but since it's an amorphous chaos it's pretty much an open field.

puppyavenger
2008-05-27, 06:47 PM
WWe need to think up a new award for whoever draws this
also, Tzeetch merges with pun-pun and absorbs Rastlin, they would win, exept that wouldn't make a very fun ending, and so they disapear from reality.

Gaelbert
2008-05-27, 06:54 PM
Really, there's only a few counters to Pun-Pun, and the only one I can currently remember is Iron Man while Painkiller and Iron Man are bursting out of a gigantic stereo system.

Got a link to that?

And I'm noting a disturbing lack of Fizban.

Kane
2008-05-27, 07:07 PM
The Battlestar Galactica (http://www.shipschematics.net/bsg/images/colonial/battlestar_galactica.jpg), Z-Axis.

And so say we all!

IT'S AN UR-QUAN DREADNOUGHT!

Wait... Original BSG came out first. Damn. And everybody probably thinks I'm crazy now.

That said, I think the Katamari Damaci ball will win.... :smallamused:

chiasaur11
2008-05-27, 08:28 PM
Hmm...
Well, although double P should, at minimum, be invincible, Haruhi is pretty much omnipotent, and frankly, if Granny can't channel all the power away from bystanders and to her advantage I'd be surprised, the Doom Marine is being a little undervalued here.
If we aren't talking Doom 3, the guy blew up HELL on his lonesome, with only conventional Sci-Fi and modern firearms. Not Pun-Pun, Thanos with Gauntlet, Haruhi, or Q, but still...
Also, Thanos is an easy target. Just mention Squirrel Girl and he'll be whimpering and crying like a baby. She joins the fight, it stops being a fight.

It becomes a flurry of Squirrels and pain.

Xuincherguixe
2008-05-27, 09:34 PM
The two most common depictions I see of Azathoth are mass of tentacles, and an explosion.

I think either works.

Alternatively, explosion of tentacles.

Dervag
2008-05-27, 09:52 PM
How about a tentacle of explosions?

Bryn
2008-05-28, 01:05 PM
Right, picturing the scene in preparation to draw it...

The frame is tall, with Earth taking up the bottom half.

At the top, TTGL is fighting Azathoth, as represented by some big tentacles ensnaring his/her/its arms as he/she/it (do galaxy-size mecha have genders?) prepares to attack with a drill or a small galaxy or something.
Lower down, the Blackstone Fortress is firing upon Thrawn's fleet, which is firing back. This being a Blackstone Fortress, there is a really really big explosion. (The Emperor and the Dark Angels themselves come in later).
Caught in the crossfire, the Battlestar Galactica and the Enterprise are also firing upon each other. Q would help, but he's been grabbed by Pun-Pun, who is calmly sipping a soft drink, surrounded by squirrels with halos. These will be magnified so that they can be seen in the vastness of space.
Tzeentch is emerging from the Warp, approaching the Blackstone Fortress from the other side while it's distracted by the battle with Thrawn

Now we move on to Earth itself. There are a number of magnification circles coming from various different continents...

In Japan, Haruhi Suzumiya and the SOS Brigade are standing in the SOS clubroom. Most of them are looking in awe and horror through the windows, outside of which Goku and Raistlin are chucking magicks at each other, with the exception of Haruhi, who happens to be occupied with something else, once more oblivious to the existence of aliens, espers and time travellers. (This one could change since it's not that exciting).
As mentioned, Goku and Raistlin are fighting in Japan. Who knows why Raistlin wants to go there? I don't :smallbiggrin:
In Britain, the Daleks are returning to their usual haunt, but old Voldemort is also there, cornered and about to be Exterminated as his Avada Kedavras fail to penetrate the armoured shells of his opponents. (Voldemort would be better matched against someone else, but since both characters come from here in Britain - the Daleks seem to like attacking London in particular - I thought it would be appropriate)
In Eastern Europe, Gordon Freeman is using the Gravity Gun to fire combine energy pellets at the Doom Marine, who is returning fire with the BFG 9000. The G-Man, as always, is standing in the background simply watching. Gordon had better hope that John is a zombie soon!
In... heck, lets put them in Paris, plenty of famous landmarks to be blasted to ashes. The Emperor, surrounded by the Dark Angels, is fighting his way up a city street, surrounded by a halo of golden light etc. etc. His opponent is the Cylons, and although they're doing reasonably well against the Dark Angels, they have no chance to beat the Big E himself. He's chopping up whatever sort of leader they have. Chopping it to bits.
The Culture... looks like they should've been back in the space section, if Wikipedia is right. Right, they're fighting the Cylon ships, AI vs AI. Two ships enter, one ship leaves! ...or rather, a whole load of ships enter.

Superheroes... a genre I know pretty much nothing about. Oh well! So, we have...

Jean Grey and Thanos are busily chucking stuff at each other... WITH THEIR MINDS. Possibly set up the frame to look like Pong. (Seriously, if somebody else has got ideas, I'm all ears). They'll do that IN AMERICA, since that's conspicuously absent from my ideas so far.
Deadpool is sprawled on the floor near Granny Weatherwax, who is calmly ignoring him and looking out the window at the Dalek/Voldemort war. Might swap him with Thanos, who seems like a big bulky guy who would be best in that sort of situation; Deadpool seems like he'd work better somewhere else. Suggestions please :smalltongue:

HangonaminuteIforgotSauron! That won't do! Sauron is... I need an opening for Sauron to join the fight. Maybe he could be fighting Jean Grey, but that leaves Deadpool without an enemy. Not to mention that Jean Grey is not going to win there... but I also have Daleks vs Voldemort.

Anyway, there you have it. Since nothing (except Gordon Freeman with the Gravity Gun) is yet drawn, I can make any changes. I can also add the extra characters suggested in later posts, but this is enough to work with right now. Please say if I'm going against character for anyone, or if I'm failing to use someone's abilities as well as they should.

I've deliberately left most of the fights in an unfinished state, so as not to annoy anyone overmuch, and I haven't used any of the people with godlike powers' ability to rewrite the universe or something. Also, I'm ignoring the speed of light for this - strictly speaking, it should be impossible to see TTGL and Azathoth fight, since they'd have to be so far away to get them in frame. Artistic licence! One of the godlike beings did it, somehow.

Verruckt
2008-05-28, 06:27 PM
I may as well craft my scene at chuck norris' house over Wyoming, you seem to have everything els fairly much covered, they'll be immediately dragged in by the two godlings playing pong with monuments across the continent.

p.s. Am I the only one here who's read the alphabet of manliness?

Illiterate Scribe
2008-05-28, 06:30 PM
p.s. Am I the only one here who's read the alphabet of manliness?

I've read the GAR contests, but no, what's that?

Verruckt
2008-05-28, 10:04 PM
it is a book, nay, a tome, a manifesto if you will, written by maddox.
it is this book:
http://www.alphabetofmanliness.com/

It is full of useful information, for example, did you know that Odin invented the Flying Elbow, and that Socrates is the patron saint of kicking your ass?

Jorkens
2008-05-28, 10:39 PM
The problem here is that, while it is mentioned frequently, Azathoth isn't really described well within Lovecraft's body of work.
A less charitable person would suggest that not many things are...

WalkingTarget
2008-05-29, 08:32 AM
A less charitable person would suggest that not many things are...

Heh. Yeah, his prose style gets too purple for even me sometimes. It's a shame that later Mythos contributers tried to copy his descriptive style instead of addressing the themes in their own ways (not to say that there haven't been good additions, they're just much more rare).

Mr. Friendly
2008-05-29, 09:03 AM
This is ridiculous...

Where is the SDF-1 and company? :smallbiggrin:

Verruckt
2008-05-30, 09:32 AM
Macross SDF-1 or Robotech SDF-1? Because one is waaaay cooler.

Destro_Yersul
2008-05-30, 10:06 AM
It is full of useful information, for example, did you know that Odin invented the Flying Elbow, and that Socrates is the patron saint of kicking your ass?

Yes. Also, Pirates hate all forms of dancing, except for breakdancing.

Speaking of Pirates and/or Ninjas, know what else this thread needs? Captain Jack Sparrow in the Black Pearl, and Dr. McNinja. And maybe Ryu Hayabusa of Ninja Gaiden, just for kicks.

Zenos
2008-05-30, 11:42 AM
We need SG-1 and Jack Bauer. Unfortunately I don't have any idea of how to fit 'em in.

Lepre_Khan
2008-05-30, 03:44 PM
SG-1 is easy, have them finally convince the Ancients to take part and help out.

Or have Jack/Daniel ascend.

hylian chozo
2008-05-30, 04:31 PM
SG-1 is easy, have them finally convince the Ancients to take part and help out.

Or have Jack/Daniel ascend.

Will that involve Daniel dying again?

chiasaur11
2008-05-30, 04:33 PM
Yes. Also, Pirates hate all forms of dancing, except for breakdancing.

Speaking of Pirates and/or Ninjas, know what else this thread needs? Captain Jack Sparrow in the Black Pearl, and Dr. McNinja. And maybe Ryu Hayabusa of Ninja Gaiden, just for kicks.

Well, everyone knows Ninjas beat pirates.
Mcninja would be there because, well, Rule of Cool. Also, he'd be hard to finish off. He Punched Death so hard the guy's skull flew into purgatory. Killing a guy who can beat up death isn't easy.

Destro_Yersul
2008-06-01, 07:56 AM
Yeah. Oh, and I had another thought. Know what this thread needs?

It needs the terror that flaps in the night.
It needs the lurker that posts in your thread.

It needs... Darkwing Duck!

Lord of Rapture
2008-06-01, 08:16 AM
There's something missing from this pile of concentrated awesomeness...

It's SOLID SNAKE!:smalltongue: SOLID ******* SNAKE!

Eita
2008-06-01, 06:56 PM
Wait... Which God-Emperor is this? Pre-Heresy, Post-Heresy, or theoretical Ascended God-Emperor that shall come into being when the Lord of Terra leaves his Golden Throne and sheds His Mortal Coil?

Echowinds
2008-06-01, 07:24 PM
The nerdgasm in this thread is both overwhelming and amusing.

It all comes to which entity has the most plot armor.

Verruckt
2008-06-02, 06:06 AM
Wait... Which God-Emperor is this? Pre-Heresy, Post-Heresy, or theoretical Ascended God-Emperor that shall come into being when the Lord of Terra leaves his Golden Throne and sheds His Mortal Coil?

Simple Answer: Yes.

OverWilliam
2008-06-02, 07:44 PM
I believe you forgot Mr. Rogers in his (for the moment) mostly unstained sweater. :smallyuk:

Eldan
2008-06-03, 05:16 AM
Doctor McNinja!
Well, he would just team up with batman. If Batman let's him.

Oslecamo
2008-06-03, 05:30 AM
I summon squirrel girl!

Her plot armor is over 9000000000000000!

chiasaur11
2008-06-03, 10:30 AM
I summon squirrel girl!

Her plot armor is over 9000000000000000!

Which is why she's not invited.
I mean, it's why we don't ask who'd win in a fight, The Hulk, or a child with hemophilia.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-03, 01:18 PM
To demonstrate my utter lack of worth as a person, I'm writing some FANFICTIONZ.

***

John 117 edged forwards, leading his team slowly but silently through the ruins of Petersburg's streets. The horrors that had been unleashed on Earth this day ... well, many of them had met a merciful end at the other end of a well-aimed gravity hammer, but, between the apocalyptic battle that was tearing open the sky above, and the wizened men down here who could only be said to be wielding magic, he didn't know how long he could last. Still, he'd caught up with another survivor group, led by some man calling himself the leader of a group known as 'S.H.I.E.L.D.' - not that he'd ever heard of them, but they were packing weapons, friendly, and that's what mattered - and was slowly progressing through some bombed-out Soviet era buildings.

NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE

kzrrt - this is John 117 to Colonel Fury. Do you copy? I think I'm getting something from your end. A repetitive sound, getting closer.

Colonel Fury to John 117. You think it's something? I'll do a perimeter sweep, check to see if I find anything.

NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE

John 117 to Colonel Fury. There! That was it! Stay careful, Nick. After all that I've seen today, it could be anyone, anywhere.

The Master Chief crouched, readying his dual submachine guns in a brace that could in an instant turn to violence, and, skulking forward, gestured for Sergeant Johnson to follow him. There was something strange to the air - a charged air, an air of foreboding. And what - what was that strange noise?

NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE NEED A DISPENSER HERE

John to Fury:that sounded as if it was right on top of you! Are you alright, do you need some help?

Colonel Fury to John 117. No, I don't see anything, but -

BONK BONK BONK

...

As a trained Spartan of the United Nations Space Command, what to do in these occasions was almost an intrinsic element of John's psyche, but this still unnerved him. What could possibly have instantly and effortlessly have overpowered his comrade? It was ... something about it was terrifying. The entire world had stopped making sense; it had been flipped, turn upside down, and now nothing was as it was. Nonetheless, he comforted himself behind the shell of military discipline, behind his mirrored visor. He turned round, and gestured for Johnson to cover him.

But he was not there.

As he wheeled, looking for his sergeant, a soft voice, full of Franco-Spanish intonations, spoke into his ear.

Gentleman, I make my apologies for having to 'pop in' unannounced, but it is unavoidable. Please try not to bleed on my suit while you are about your business.

A sharp stabbing pain behind the Spartan's back. Sudden nausea. All becoming dark.

The Master Chief looked up to see Johnson's face literally burning away as if it were paper, to reveal a grinning, balaclavaed man standing over him, cigarette lodged jauntily in his mouth, toying with the butterfly knife in his hand. Far off, in some unimaginable distance, he heard the cries of his dying men, mingled with a mighty booming cry of 'MAGGOTS', and the blossoming of high explosive - and then, ever so agonisingly slowly, John 117, the Master Chief, hero of Earth, faded from this world.

***

The hulking, shaven man slapped his compatriot on the back, causing the lab coated man to visibly buckle, and grinned.

we make good team!


A CHALLENGER APPEARS!

http://www.uberbrothers.com/Graphics/Team_Fortress_2.jpg



C'mon, people, we need more stories! Write, one and all!

chiasaur11
2008-06-03, 01:25 PM
Hmm...
We've had Spartans, sure, but why not the less skilled wearers of the armor?
What about... The soldiers of Blood Gulch.

Church, at least, is immortal, after all.

Destro_Yersul
2008-06-03, 01:39 PM
Hey, I'll write some Darkwing Duck based FANFICSHUNZ when I'm feeling less tired and more silly. Expect Slapstick Shenanigans of Serious Magnitude.

Oslecamo
2008-06-03, 05:33 PM
Which is why she's not invited.
I mean, it's why we don't ask who'd win in a fight, The Hulk, or a child with hemophilia.

Well, if all the other factions/heros/sides would join efforts, they may get to actually scratch squirrel girl.

Wich is like saying, how many trillion hemophiliac childs would you need to defeat the Hulk?

puppyavenger
2008-06-03, 05:38 PM
Well, if all the other factions/heros/sides would join efforts, they may get to actually scratch squirrel girl.

Wich is like saying, how many trillion hemophiliac childs would you need to defeat the Hulk?

I think he means that, no matter what, the hulk will never have the slightest chance of killing a hemophillic child in the comics.

chiasaur11
2008-06-03, 05:52 PM
Well, if all the other factions/heros/sides would join efforts, they may get to actually scratch squirrel girl.

Wich is like saying, how many trillion hemophiliac childs would you need to defeat the Hulk?

Ah, but the Greatest of the Great Lakes Avengers gets MORE powerful the more she's outclassed.

It's like the hulk fighting a trillion hemophilliac kids, if he really hates getting blood on his pants.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-03, 06:02 PM
I'd say that Squirrel Girl is up against too many reality warping powers AND too many low power types to be certain of victory.

Also, new challenger: Optimus Prime with a Green Lantern ring.

Waddya say?

http://img182.imageshack.us/img182/6186/greenlanternprimecf7.jpg

Oslecamo
2008-06-03, 06:23 PM
I'd say that Squirrel Girl is up against too many reality warping powers AND too many low power types to be certain of victory.

Also, new challenger: Optimus Prime with a Green Lantern ring.

Waddya say?

http://img182.imageshack.us/img182/6186/greenlanternprimecf7.jpg


He can't hurt the DBZ crew or the emperor. They're too yellow.

chiasaur11
2008-06-03, 06:29 PM
He can't hurt the DBZ crew or the emperor. They're too yellow.

And they can't kill him.

Well, they can... Often.

He'll just come back from the dead like, 47 seconds later.

Oslecamo
2008-06-03, 06:31 PM
BEHOLD AND AWE MORTALS, BECAUSE I BRING FORTH THE ULTIMATE CONTESTANT, TO WICH SQUIRREL GIRL IS NOTHING MORE BUT A MESSENGER:


THE VERY MANLY BUNNY!

http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg138/oslecamo/2007-09-30.jpg

Verruckt
2008-06-03, 07:03 PM
Butler was worried about his charge, the young polymath had been at a bank of super computers for hours, wearing a helmet that Foaly had put together and spasming slightly every few minutes. Artemis had told him not to worry, that he was only doing research to find the nature of their threats, but ever since some archive called "4chan" had popped up the young boy had been flopping around like a fish. Holly was similarly concerned, but this Tony Stark guy just seemed impressed. Butler didn't like Stark.

Bruce Wayne on the other hand, was the kind of guy that he could learn a few things from. Especially seeing as how he had defenestrated him and an entire L.E.P. Recon team in the space of half a minute when they had first met. Frank Castle was present as well, much to Wayne's dismay. Butler liked Frank, having heard of the Punisher from a few Blue Diamond buddies, but he and Agent 47 agreed that they'd probably need to put him down after this was all over, if only for business's sake.

The Fowl Manor had been set up as the center for Human and Fae resistance forces. The building was now full of, and surrounded by, the most advanced technology Butler had ever seen. Ever since Stark, Foaly and Artemis had gotten together, Butler hadn't been able to understand a word between them.

The Manor was surrounded by three concentric time-stop fields, and Stark had a huge communications antenna set up in the middle of the rose garden. There was a gaggle of Japanese schoolchildren in the basement jabbering about how interesting Espers were, and two unrelated British and American Paramilitary organisations had set up on the front lawn. The "Hellsing Organization" and "B.P.R.D" respectively. Some huge red thing that reminded Butler of a troll with a monkey tail and goggles had brought in bear earlier, so he supposed they were alright enough.

Designating Fowl Manor as the headquarters of all high powered non super humans and Human / supernatural military organizations. The time fields should keep them safe from the stuff in orbit until they can think of something.

Moff Chumley
2008-06-03, 07:07 PM
What about Neil Peart? I feel scandalized.

Verruckt
2008-06-04, 12:19 AM
Feedback? Where should we go from here? Come on people, don't let the potential for epic win die.

Finn Solomon
2008-06-04, 06:44 AM
I humbly suggest the Saint of Killers, the patron saint of murderers, butchers, slaughterers, exterminators and is the evolved form of Clint Eastwood. He shot God, you know.

Pie Guy
2008-06-04, 07:52 AM
Torchwood! We need more Torchwood! Jack Harkanass is immortal too!

And where do the cybermen fit in? Or the Master? Or The combined forces of Azeroth? Or Starcraft? For the love of god where's Starcraft?:smallbiggrin:
Honestly though, my money's on the dalecks. It took a character basically turning into a god to destroy them once.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-04, 07:55 AM
Honestly though, my money's on the dalecks. It took a character basically turning into a god to destroy them once.

Ahem. We have at least five.

GoC
2008-06-04, 10:23 AM
Feedback? Where should we go from here? Come on people, don't let the potential for epic win die.
You are epic win!:smallcool:

Pie Guy: My vote goes to the USS Enterprise and Pun-Pun if he brings in a few epic wizards (who don't suffer the disadvantage of being omnipotent).:smallbiggrin:

Adumbration
2008-06-04, 10:27 AM
I would still like to have Coin the Sourceror in there somewhere. I think he'd actually have a fair chance at victory. :smallwink:

puppyavenger
2008-06-04, 10:39 AM
I would still like to have Coin the Sourceror in there somewhere. I think he'd actually have a fair chance at victory. :smallwink:

pun-pun gives himself the ïmmune to Coin"ability.
Isn't D&D fun!

I'd say that the DBZ and the culture jin up, if for no other reason that to avoid the numerous degrees of omnipotence and invunreability.

Verruckt
2008-06-04, 12:28 PM
Hmmm, lots of "Gods" you say, time for a trio of men with twin Colt Single Action Armies.

New Challengers: The God Killers!
Roland of Eld
The Patron Saint of Killers
Revolver Ocelot

With Special Guests Alucard & Neo!

(okay, well only a few of them have actually killed gods, and only one of them actually put a bullet in one, but they all look sublimely bad ass with a big billowing trench coat and a pair of handguns.)

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-04, 01:20 PM
Hmmm, lots of "Gods" you say, time for a trio of men with twin Colt Single Action Armies.

New Challengers: The God Killers!
Roland of Eld
The Patron Saint of Killers
Revolver Ocelot

With Special Guests Alucard & Neo!

(okay, well only a few of them have actually killed gods, and only one of them actually put a bullet in one, but they all look sublimely bad ass with a big billowing trench coat and a pair of handguns.)

Badass Outfit (Ex): Pun-Pun can produce a badass tailormade WW style trenchcoat, coloured Black. Additionally, whenever he dons it, Gimme the Prize by Queen starts playing in the background. He can also produce a gigantic Gauss Minigun. Whenever he is shooting that minigun, the cry of "Who's a minion now, MOTHER****ER!?" earns him 20 Badass points.


Yeah, he works like that. Cheap, isn't he?

chiasaur11
2008-06-04, 02:04 PM
Hmmm, lots of "Gods" you say, time for a trio of men with twin Colt Single Action Armies.

New Challengers: The God Killers!
Roland of Eld
The Patron Saint of Killers
Revolver Ocelot

With Special Guests Alucard & Neo!

(okay, well only a few of them have actually killed gods, and only one of them actually put a bullet in one, but they all look sublimely bad ass with a big billowing trench coat and a pair of handguns.)

What about Hellboy? He's killed cosmic horrors, and he wears a badass trench coat.

LBO
2008-06-04, 02:15 PM
Badass Outfit (Ex): Pun-Pun can produce a badass tailormade WW style trenchcoat, coloured Black. Additionally, whenever he dons it, Gimme the Prize by Queen starts playing in the background. He can also produce a gigantic Gauss Minigun. Whenever he is shooting that minigun, the cry of "Who's a minion now, MOTHER****ER!?" earns him 20 Badass points.


Yeah, he works like that. Cheap, isn't he?
What on earth would be the point of a gauss minigun?

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-04, 02:18 PM
What on earth would be the point of a gauss minigun?

Lookin' completely badass. It's much better to use Singular weapons, or heat weapons.

LBO
2008-06-04, 02:21 PM
RuleOfCool and GatlingGood, sure (I wrote that one! huzzah) but... it makes no sense at all. Rotary guns exist to reduce the heat and stress that gauss weapons just don't produce... you'd either be having redundant multiple sets of gauss coils or a completely redundant spinning barrel assembly... argh my head :smalleek:

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-04, 02:23 PM
RuleOfCool and GatlingGood, sure (I wrote that one! huzzah) but... it makes no sense at all. Rotary guns exist to reduce the heat and stress that gauss weapons just don't produce... you'd either be having redundant multiple sets of gauss coils or a completely redundant spinning barrel assembly... argh my head :smalleek:

And that is when you attack the enemy with Tarantela dancing monkeys.

Another One Bites The Dust! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMenB9Ywh2Q)

Killersquid
2008-06-04, 02:38 PM
Everyone, the government called. They said you need a permit for this thread to reach awesome of this magnitude.

Destro_Yersul
2008-06-04, 04:41 PM
Nuts to the government. I have all my RuleOfCool/RefugeInAudacity permits filed and checked in, so they can deal with it.

Mr.Silver
2008-06-04, 04:51 PM
Hmmm, lots of "Gods" you say, time for a trio of men with twin Colt Single Action Armies.

New Challengers: The God Killers!
Roland of Eld
The Patron Saint of Killers
Revolver Ocelot

With Special Guests Alucard & Neo!

(okay, well only a few of them have actually killed gods, and only one of them actually put a bullet in one, but they all look sublimely bad ass with a big billowing trench coat and a pair of handguns.)

If you're getting a team of God Killers together than Yuri Hyuga has to be included. Sure he doesn't use guns but he has a lot of experience in killing gods and cosmic horrors/demon lords.

Moff Chumley
2008-06-04, 05:38 PM
Calvin and Hobbes should be doing Nightwing-style commentary for this...

Eldan
2008-06-05, 09:33 AM
Kablooie!

I can't think of many awesome people not included... but if we're talking trenchcoats, there's Vash the Stampede, who's at least wearing a coat. On the other hand, since he would be crying whenever anyone of the contestants dies, he would be out right from the start.

Quezovercoatl
2008-06-05, 10:29 AM
The Culture... looks like they should've been back in the space section, if Wikipedia is right. Right, they're fighting the Cylon ships, AI vs AI. Two ships enter, one ship leaves! ...or rather, a whole load of ships enter.

Having Culture ships fighting Cylon basestars would be hilariously mismatched, better to have AI equipped UNSC warships handling the Cylons. The Culture ship can be of to one side using its effectors to wrestle one to one with a C’tan. This could then be continued on the ground, perhaps with a group of power armoured Contact “soldiers” and a few drones defending a building against a wave of Necrons.

GoC
2008-06-05, 10:47 AM
Having Culture ships fighting Cylon basestars would be hilariously mismatched, better to have AI equipped UNSC warships handling the Cylons. The Culture ship can be of to one side using its effectors to wrestle one to one with a C’tan. This could then be continued on the ground, perhaps with a group of power armoured Contact “soldiers” and a few drones defending a building against a wave of Necrons.

I think a better match-up for The Culture would be the Daleks but even than it's still very one-sided.

LBO
2008-06-05, 11:26 AM
I don't think anything can really take the Culture on. Godlike AI, hypertech head and shoulders above magic. They could fry the minds of everyone with effectors, displace warheads too small to see that break planets in half, play silly games with everything on earth more advanced than a frying pan, from a couple of star systems away, and that's when they're being ethical about it. Have a tooled-up Cheradenine Zakalwe, or some fethed up, broken, crippled Mind like the one on Schar's World in Consider Phlebas, if you want them weak enough to be interesting. A GCU can take on any other fictional vessel short of TTGL, because Iain Banks has a sense of scale but no sense of restraint.

chiasaur11
2008-06-05, 11:35 AM
I don't think anything can really take the Culture on. Godlike AI, hypertech head and shoulders above magic. They could fry the minds of everyone with effectors, displace warheads too small to see that break planets in half, play silly games with everything on earth more advanced than a frying pan, from a couple of star systems away, and that's when they're being ethical about it. Have a tooled-up Cheradenine Zakalwe, or some fethed up, broken, crippled Mind like the one on Schar's World in Consider Phlebas, if you want them weak enough to be interesting. A GCU can take on any other fictional vessel short of TTGL, because Iain Banks has a sense of scale but no sense of restraint.

Hmm...
Well, Big P is immune by virtue of his methods, the TTGL could take them on via hot blooded manlyness, and other than that...

Hey, we don't have the one men call ROM, GREATEST OF THE SPACEKNIGHTS!

This mistake should be remedied immediatly. I mean, he's a super-strong, near invincible alien cyborg on a mission of genocide who packs a gun that can send people to hell. Just try to argue he doesn't deserve a spot.

Bryn
2008-06-05, 12:12 PM
Alright, I admit it, I know nothing at all about the Culture apart from what I gleaned from Wikipedia. From the sounds of things, they'd be best going up against Pun-Pun or something, but really, since I have no idea what they look like or what they do in combat, I'd probably be best to leave a purple blob that someone else can chromakey some spaceships into.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 12:28 PM
Basically, The Culture means: "You lose, unless you have godlike powers".

This means they either kill everyone but godlikes, or one of the godlikes kicks their ass before they cause any trouble.

puppyavenger
2008-06-05, 12:58 PM
is it just me, or do the Tau sound like waterd down, eviler, more imperilistic Culture.
Hey, 40k had to water something Down!
also, yah, the culture would ether
a. be mind-controled by Tzeetch
b. not be there because of Q or Hariu(sp)
c. Be 'sploded by TTLG or (lovecraft god who's name I forget)
d. any of the above by pun-pum(who has enough divine ranks to literaly be god)
e. etc

Bryn
2008-06-05, 01:07 PM
is it just me, or do the Tau sound like waterd down, eviler, more imperilistic Culture.
Though I don't know much about the Culture, from what I see on TVTropes and this thread, that isn't true at all. The Tau do not work subtly or behind the scenes, they do not fight their wars mainly in space (or at long distances either - remember, this is 40k, in which the ships still use broadsides against one another; something that is awesome), and Tau society such that it is doesn't seem to have much in common with what I've read about the Culture.

Since 'what I've read about the Culture' is next to nothing, though, I'm dead certain that I'm going to be told that I'm wrong by all the sci-fi gurus.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 01:09 PM
Though I don't know much about the Culture, from what I see on TVTropes and this thread, that isn't true at all. The Tau do not work subtly or behind the scenes, they do not fight their wars mainly in space (or at long distances either - remember, this is 40k, in which the ships still use broadsides against one another; something that is awesome), and Tau society such that it is doesn't seem to have much in common with what I've read about the Culture.

Since 'what I've read about the Culture' is next to nothing, though, I'm dead certain that I'm going to be told that I'm wrong by all the sci-fi gurus.

Nah, the Tau are more or less the best guys 40k has, the culture is closer to mechanical Zerg, consuming everything.

chiasaur11
2008-06-05, 01:10 PM
Hmm...
Ruled by AIs dedicated to a perfect society, eh?

Well, Gravemind has shown some skill at subverting those, and some rogue AIs from other settings can brainjack anyone with any radio signal ect.

Might be worth a go for their opponents if Haruhi, Pun-Pun, Thanos, and their Ilk don't wipe the culture on turn one.

LBO
2008-06-05, 01:12 PM
Nah, you're dead right. About the only things the Tau and Culture have in common is that they're fundamentally idealistic and that they both have smart missiles. Culture are post-scarcity anarcho-socialists with Sufficiently Advanced Technology (and how!) who do basically nothing other than have a good time... rather hard to describe, really, so I'll let Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Culture) do it for me. Tau are fanatical GRIMDARK space commies.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 01:13 PM
Hmm...
Ruled by AIs dedicated to a perfect society, eh?

Well, Gravemind has shown some skill at subverting those, and some rogue AIs from other settings can brainjack anyone with any radio signal ect.

Might be worth a go for their opponents if Haruhi, Pun-Pun, Thanos, and their Ilk don't wipe the culture on turn one.

Won't work. The culture is almost "Yes" and "It misses" for anything that hits and is not a godlike. I believe they're immune to subversion.

Hmm...I wonder, how would the Culture deal with The Commonwealth from TA?

LBO
2008-06-05, 01:16 PM
Which TA? If you mean Total Annihilation, they were the CORE.

chiasaur11
2008-06-05, 01:19 PM
Won't work. The culture is almost "Yes" and "It misses" for anything that hits and is not a godlike. I believe they're immune to subversion.

Hmm...I wonder, how would the Culture deal with The Commonwealth from TA?

So, immune to high diplomacy rolls, eh? And mind whammys?

What about guns that send people to hell? I can think of a certain Cyborg who might have the right ammo...

Hmm...

Would the godlike beings try for worshipers?

I mean, could be useful.

puppyavenger
2008-06-05, 01:25 PM
So, immune to high diplomacy rolls, eh? And mind whammys?

What about guns that send people to hell? I can think of a certain Cyborg who might have the right ammo...

Hmm...

Would the godlike beings try for worshipers?

I mean, could be useful.

how do A.I's react to hell anyway/ if bady, then the eldar might be able to do a few causilties

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 01:28 PM
You can send one person to hell. What use will it be? Another hundred are gonna kick the crap out of you. As for worshippers, the godlikes do not NEED them. Haruhi simply HAS the power, Two P can grant himself more godlikeness as he sees fit, and Q is just like the other two, though toned down a few notches.

LBO: Ack, curse my malfunctioning brain. The Core, that's what I meant.

LBO
2008-06-05, 01:30 PM
I don't want to get into a Culture-vs-everything thread, but nothing, nothing in 40k or almost anything else can take them. Not the Emperor, not the Chaos Gods, not even the Core. A vast, scattered pan-galactic post-scarcity civilisation of responsible gods and happy people, with technology that makes everyone else's hypertech look like toys. Crudely carved toys made out of bits of ugly wood.

And unless you're the Idirans, they'll beat you by being nice. It's what they do.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 01:37 PM
I don't want to get into a Culture-vs-everything thread, but nothing, nothing in 40k or almost anything else can take them. Not the Emperor, not the Chaos Gods, not even the Core. A vast, scattered pan-galactic post-scarcity civilisation of responsible gods and happy people, with technology that makes everyone else's hypertech look like toys. Crudely carved toys made out of bits of ugly wood.

The Core's not warhammer, though. And it's frightening in what it can do.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 01:41 PM
http://rationalwikiwiki.scribblewiki.com/images/rationalwikiwiki/5/5d/500px-1202880346550.jpg

Hello, Culture.


Seriously, there are just too many individuals wielding their own brand of ultimate power. For example, I'm not exactly sure that the Culture can stand up to a couple of well-mitigated epic spells.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 01:43 PM
http://rationalwikiwiki.scribblewiki.com/images/rationalwikiwiki/5/5d/500px-1202880346550.jpg

Hello, Culture.


Seriously, there are just too many individuals wielding their own brand of ultimate power. For example, I'm not exactly sure that the Culture can stand up to a couple of well-mitigated epic spells.

Hell, If I remember, Two P could be stunned by a special epic spell. That's a testament to how B0rked they are.

chiasaur11
2008-06-05, 01:46 PM
You can send one person to hell. What use will it be? Another hundred are gonna kick the crap out of you. As for worshippers, the godlikes do not NEED them. Haruhi simply HAS the power, Two P can grant himself more godlikeness as he sees fit, and Q is just like the other two, though toned down a few notches.

LBO: Ack, curse my malfunctioning brain. The Core, that's what I meant.

Or a bunch at once. Bodily, not just soul.Nearly Hulk strength should give Rom a chance, if he doesn't just retire and hang out with space babes as a human again. As he is likely to do. For a guy on a one man genocide crusade against Brain eating shapeshifter, he is quick to want to retire.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 01:48 PM
Or a bunch at once. Bodily, not just soul.Nearly Hulk strength should give Rom a chance, if he doesn't just retire and hang out with space babes as a human again. As he is likely to do. For a guy on a one man genocide crusade against Brain eating shapeshifter, he is quick to want to retire.

Still, the Culture has GALAXIES worth of people. D'you think a bunch of guys are gonna make a difference?

Hoggy
2008-06-05, 02:00 PM
Personally, I vote G-Dude and the Freeman.

a) As both Half-life and System-Shock show, improvised melee weapons can bring down all kinds of crazy space-age empire/A.I./pretty much anything.
b) G-Dude can stop time. Therefore, everything could be crowbar'd before the fight even gets going.
c) G-Dude could quite possibly be an interdimensional lawyer. Take a second to think how nasty that would be.
d) I'm pretty sure that briefcase contains all manner of galaxy-destroying win. That or a fat stash.
e) Yes, I'm being rediculously ignorant of the powers of the other races, but meh, it's G-Dude and the Freeman!

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 02:12 PM
Personally, I vote G-Dude and the Freeman.

a) As both Half-life and System-Shock show, improvised melee weapons can bring down all kinds of crazy space-age empire/A.I./pretty much anything.
b) G-Dude can stop time. Therefore, everything could be crowbar'd before the fight even gets going.
c) G-Dude could quite possibly be an interdimensional lawyer. Take a second to think how nasty that would be.
d) I'm pretty sure that briefcase contains all manner of galaxy-destroying win. That or a fat stash.
e) Yes, I'm being rediculously ignorant of the powers of the other races, but meh, it's G-Dude and the Freeman!

Lemme 'splain the kind of power that goes on 'round here.

In Dungeons and Dragon 3.5, there's a spell called timestop that makes you move so fast time is basically stopped for you for 12 to 30 seconds.

Okay, now make that permanent until dismissed, a true stop of time, and everyone who is not you gets pierced by monomolecular blades and crushed by thousands of G's.

Well, the godlikes can do that without breaking a sweat.

Hoggy
2008-06-05, 02:33 PM
...But the G-Dude can do that, except no monomolecular gravity things. Just crowbars. And Crowbars are far awesomener.

chiasaur11
2008-06-05, 02:37 PM
Lemme 'splain the kind of power that goes on 'round here.

In Dungeons and Dragon 3.5, there's a spell called timestop that makes you move so fast time is basically stopped for you for 12 to 30 seconds.

Okay, now make that permanent until dismissed, a true stop of time, and everyone who is not you gets pierced by monomolecular blades and crushed by thousands of G's.

Well, the godlikes can do that without breaking a sweat.

And the DnD guys can, if they want, leave.
Pun-Pun can sit in his own personal universe with time frozen everywhere else and punch anyone, anywhere, in the FACE for infinite damage. Freeman is only gonna survive if he's in Buddha mode.

LBO
2008-06-05, 03:12 PM
Regarding military capabilities in the Cultureverse. This is the very end of a fairly long sequence revolving around the self-examination, despair and ultimate suicide of the rogue Culture vessel Attitude Adjuster, mostly set during a battle (the "engagement" mentioned) between the Attitude Adjuster and its fleet of warships, and the loyal Culture warship Killing Time. The entire sequence lasts a couple of chapters, described in about the same level of detail as you see here. Please take note that this is on a scale of hundreds of light-years, and all vessels involved are Culture warships controlled by near-omniscient AIs and toting star-splitting firepower.

(Excerpt from Excession, by Iain M. Banks.)
The Killing Time plunged intact through the third wave of ancient Culture ships; they rushed on, towards the Excession. It fended off a few more of the warheads and missiles which had been directed at it, turning a couple of the latter back upon their own ships for a few moments before they were detected and destructed. The hulk of the Attitude Adjuster fell astern behind the departing fleet, coasting and twisting and tumbling in hyperspace, still heading away from and outstripping the Killing Time as it braked and started to turn.

There was only a vestigial fourth wave; fourteen ships (they were targeting it now). Had it known there were so few in the final echelon, the Killing Time would have attacked the second wave of ships. Oh well; luck counted too. It watched the Attitude Adjuster a moment longer to ensure it really was tearing itself apart. It was.

It turned its attention to the remaining fourteen craft. On its suicide trajectory it could take them all on and stand a decent chance of destroying perhaps four of them before its luck ran out; maybe a half-dozen if it was really lucky. Or it could push away and complete its brake-turn-accelerate manoeuvre to make a second pass at the main fleet. Even if they'd be waiting for it this time, it could reckon on accounting for a good few of them. Again, in the four-to-eight range.

Or it could do this.

It pulled itself round the edge of the fourteen ships in the rump of the fleet as they reconfigured their formation to meet it. Bringing up the rear they had had more warning of its attack and so had had time to adopt a suitable pattern. The Killing Time ignored the obvious challenge and temptation of flying straight into their midst and flew past and round, targeting only the outer five craft nearest it.

They gave a decent account of themselves but it prevailed, dispatching two of them with engine field implosures. This was, it had always thought, a clean, decent and honourable way to die. The pair of wreckage-shells coasted onwards; the rest of the ships sped on unharmed, chasing the main fleet. Not one of the ships turned back to take it on.

The Killing Time continued to brake, oriented towards the fast vanishing war fleet and the region of the Excession. Its engine fields were gouging great livid tracks in the energy grid as it back-pedalled furiously.

It encountered the ROU which had dropped aft with engine damage, falling back towards it as the Killing Time slowed and the other craft coasted onward and struggled to repair its motive power units. The Killing Time attempted to communicate with the ROU, was fired upon, and tried to take the craft over with its effector. The ROU's own independent automatics detected the ship's Mind starting to give in. They tripped a destruct sequence and another hypersphere of radiation blossomed beneath the skein.

****, thought the Killing Time. It scanned the hyper volumes around itself.

Nothing threatening.

Well, damn me, it thought, as it slowed. I'm still alive.

This was the one outcome it hadn't anticipated.

It ran a systems check. Totally unharmed, apart from the self-inflicted degradation to its engines. It slackened off the power, dropping back to normal maxima and watching the readouts; significant degradation from here in about a hundred hours. Not too bad. Self-repairing would take days at all-engines-stop. Warhead stocks down to forty per cent; remanufacturing from first principles would take four to seven hours, depending on the exact mix it chose. Plasma chambers at ninety-six per cent efficiency; about right for the engagement system-use profile according to the relevant charts and graphs. Self-repair mechanisms champing the bit. It looked around, concentrating on the view astern. No obvious threats; it let the self-repairers make a start on two of the four chambers. Full reconstruction time, two hundred and four seconds.

Entire engagement duration; eleven microseconds. Hmm; it had felt longer. But then that was only natural.



...Now talk to me about your "time-stops". :smallbiggrin:

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 03:27 PM
How will they get through a wall of force?

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 03:28 PM
Regarding military capabilities in the Cultureverse. This is the very end of a fairly long sequence revolving around the self-examination, despair and ultimate suicide of the rogue Culture vessel Attitude Adjuster, mostly set during a battle (the "engagement" mentioned) between the Attitude Adjuster and its fleet of warships, and the loyal Culture warship Killing Time. The entire sequence lasts a couple of chapters), described in about the same level of detail as you see here. Please take note that this is on a scale of hundreds of light-years, and all vessels involved are Culture warships controlled by near-omniscient AIs and toting star-splitting firepower.

(Excerpt from Excession, by Iain M. Banks.)
The Killing Time plunged intact through the third wave of ancient Culture ships; they rushed on, towards the Excession. It fended off a few more of the warheads and missiles which had been directed at it, turning a couple of the latter back upon their own ships for a few moments before they were detected and destructed. The hulk of the Attitude Adjuster fell astern behind the departing fleet, coasting and twisting and tumbling in hyperspace, still heading away from and outstripping the Killing Time as it braked and started to turn.

There was only a vestigial fourth wave; fourteen ships (they were targeting it now). Had it known there were so few in the final echelon, the Killing Time would have attacked the second wave of ships. Oh well; luck counted too. It watched the Attitude Adjuster a moment longer to ensure it really was tearing itself apart. It was.

It turned its attention to the remaining fourteen craft. On its suicide trajectory it could take them all on and stand a decent chance of destroying perhaps four of them before its luck ran out; maybe a half-dozen if it was really lucky. Or it could push away and complete its brake-turn-accelerate manoeuvre to make a second pass at the main fleet. Even if they'd be waiting for it this time, it could reckon on accounting for a good few of them. Again, in the four-to-eight range.

Or it could do this.

It pulled itself round the edge of the fourteen ships in the rump of the fleet as they reconfigured their formation to meet it. Bringing up the rear they had had more warning of its attack and so had had time to adopt a suitable pattern. The Killing Time ignored the obvious challenge and temptation of flying straight into their midst and flew past and round, targeting only the outer five craft nearest it.

They gave a decent account of themselves but it prevailed, dispatching two of them with engine field implosures. This was, it had always thought, a clean, decent and honourable way to die. The pair of wreckage-shells coasted onwards; the rest of the ships sped on unharmed, chasing the main fleet. Not one of the ships turned back to take it on.

The Killing Time continued to brake, oriented towards the fast vanishing war fleet and the region of the Excession. Its engine fields were gouging great livid tracks in the energy grid as it back-pedalled furiously.

It encountered the ROU which had dropped aft with engine damage, falling back towards it as the Killing Time slowed and the other craft coasted onward and struggled to repair its motive power units. The Killing Time attempted to communicate with the ROU, was fired upon, and tried to take the craft over with its effector. The ROU's own independent automatics detected the ship's Mind starting to give in. They tripped a destruct sequence and another hypersphere of radiation blossomed beneath the skein.

****, thought the Killing Time. It scanned the hyper volumes around itself.

Nothing threatening.

Well, damn me, it thought, as it slowed. I'm still alive.

This was the one outcome it hadn't anticipated.

It ran a systems check. Totally unharmed, apart from the self-inflicted degradation to its engines. It slackened off the power, dropping back to normal maxima and watching the readouts; significant degradation from here in about a hundred hours. Not too bad. Self-repairing would take days at all-engines-stop. Warhead stocks down to forty per cent; remanufacturing from first principles would take four to seven hours, depending on the exact mix it chose. Plasma chambers at ninety-six per cent efficiency; about right for the engagement system-use profile according to the relevant charts and graphs. Self-repair mechanisms champing the bit. It looked around, concentrating on the view astern. No obvious threats; it let the self-repairers make a start on two of the four chambers. Full reconstruction time, two hundred and four seconds.

Entire engagement duration; eleven microseconds. Hmm; it had felt longer. But then that was only natural.



...Now talk to me about your "time-stops". :smallbiggrin:

Have you ever read JLA comics?

In one of the stories, a bigger version of the flash, The Glimmer, escapes death by running parallel to time.

Okay, now, any of the godlikes could grant itself the speed necessary to do that, exit the flow of time outright, and bombard foes with whatever is necessary to kill them, be it extreme heat, Absolute zero cold, pressure of thousands or millions of G's, or black holes. Or simply wish for any foe not to exist.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 03:29 PM
Have you ever read JLA comics?

In one of the stories, a bigger version of the flash, The Glimmer, escapes death by running parallel to time.

Okay, now, any of the godlikes could grant itself the speed necessary to do that, exit the flow of time outright, and bombard foes with whatever is necessary to kill them, be it extreme heat, Absolute zero cold, pressure of thousands or millions of G's, or black holes. Or simply wish for any foe not to exist.

Or cast Holy Word.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 03:32 PM
Or cast Holy Word.

Or fill their minds with 4chan material. Though that's excessively cruel.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 03:34 PM
Pshaw, you put too much weight on the fourth of the series. Let me assure you that there is worse out there.

I can see Deadpool doing that though ...

One thought just struck me - Deadpool MUST NOT under any circumstances be allowed to talk to Haruhi. She's the most powerful of the reality warpers that we have, and for her to acquire genre awareness ...

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 03:39 PM
Pshaw, you put too much weight on the fourth of the series. Let me assure you that there is worse out there.

I can see Deadpool doing that though ...

One thought just struck me - Deadpool MUST NOT under any circumstances be allowed to talk to Haruhi. She's the most powerful of the reality warpers that we have, and for her to acquire genre awareness ...

Don't underestimate Two P. He can grant himself abilities to overcome Bertrand Russel's nonexistance of omnipotent beings, which is to say, he's the Silver Age Supes of godlikes.

In any case, Deadpool is not an issue. He's too awesome for Haruhi to get anything out of him.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 03:44 PM
Don't underestimate Two P. He can grant himself abilities to overcome Bertrand Russel's nonexistance of omnipotent beings, which is to say, he's the Silver Age Supes of godlikes.

In any case, Deadpool is not an issue. He's too awesome for Haruhi to get anything out of him.

I was going with the 'can only draw from the rules as written so far' Pun-Pun (although, since he can draw from any set of rules, including The Immortals' Handbook, that's plenty).

The issue that I'd worry about with Deadpool is that he knows that he is in a comic.

Haruhi (and possibly Kyon, too, depending on your epileptic arboretum) unconsciously knows this too - they rewrite the world to suit them. It would be perfectly in character for Deadpool to inform Ms. Suzumiya of this, for the lulz, if for nothing else.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 04:16 PM
I was going with the 'can only draw from the rules as written so far' Pun-Pun (although, since he can draw from any set of rules, including The Immortals' Handbook, that's plenty).

The issue that I'd worry about with Deadpool is that he knows that he is in a comic.

Haruhi (and possibly Kyon, too, depending on your epileptic arboretum) unconsciously knows this too - they rewrite the world to suit them. It would be perfectly in character for Deadpool to inform Ms. Suzumiya of this, for the lulz, if for nothing else.

Hmm...So the demonstration of the nonexistance of omnipotence doesn't count as a rule? Fair enough.

But, focusing on the Deadpool issue: It doesn't matter, anyway. Remember DEADPOOL is in a comic. Haruhi ain't, so it doesn't change anything if she has that knowledge. If she tries to rewrite the rules believing she's in a comic, she'll rewrite comic rules, but that will only affect comic characters. The Star Trek, guys, for example, will not be affected by that.

Now, if she knew she's inside an anime...THAT would be interesting, because it means she can rewrite her own rules.

Verruckt
2008-06-05, 05:39 PM
Bleh, to much bickering, not enough awesome.

Lemme see if I can help fix that (and at the same time render anyone and anything that relies on / uses anything remotely computerized moot)

Minds swirled in a multi-hued void, passing over around and through each other, savoring there last few moments as individuals. Here, a stocky Japanese woman, no, not a woman, a fully prosthetic cyborg. Frank Exchange of Views thought for a moment and decided that it was really rather academic as advanced as her, no, their systems were. Interesting, this one was already a gestalt, two, perhaps three minds in one shell already. Two AI with similar design swam past, they called themselves "Cortana" and "Durandal". Frank Exchange of Views had seen them earlier, talking with the one called SHODAN about "rampancy". Sacrificing individuality to become the single most advanced mind the Universe had ever known, worth it?

Artemis was reading the data that Stark had lain out on the table. Well, reading was a bit of a misnomer, "gawking with slack jawed fascination" would be more accurate, but in his defense, so was everyone else who could so much grasp at the edges of what the were about to do. Stark had built AIs before, but these beings made them look like DOS applications. The only human (if you could call a human/AI gestalt in a cybernetic shell truly "Human") of the group, a "Major Motoko Kusanagi" seemed far less astounded, but none the less impressed by the power of the others assembled.

"Are we ready Tony?" Artemis, at a rare moment of hesitation, asked.

"Don't ask, I'm just flipping the switch, they're the ones who are about to become a God."

They each spoke in turn:
Durandal, yes
Cortana, yes
SHODAN, yes
GlaDOS, yes
Major, yes
Frank Exchange of Views, yes

Stark pulled the breakers. The ARC reactors flickered and one by one burnt out at the sheer mass of power consumption. Foaly stammered, "I'm not sure that the new cyber brain can take all of this, Frank Exchange of Views alone is taxing it's limits."

Stark shouted back over the scream of data banks burning out and fizzing wiring snaking across the basement floor. "We had better hope it can, how else are we supposed to deal with the Necrons? The Night Bringer made it through the first Temporal Barrier an hour ago!"

Artemis was at the main console, one hand fending of sparks while the other typed at the keys frantically, "67% of sublimation complete, I'm bringing the reserve reactors online!" across the room a foot wide power coupling came loose "Surge!" Butler tackled the boy to the floor seconds before the console itself detonated.

After what seemed an eternity the noise stopped and the occupants of the basement struggled to their feet. The AI cores of Cortana and Durandal where smoking bits of plastic. In the back gardens Frank Exchange of Views' casing had split, revealing an empty shell where a hole in hyperspace should be. SHODAN'S data banks sizzled. In the corner of the test chamber stood the Major.

Artemis did a double take, because the Major was standing a good foot off of the ground, and she seemed to be permeated with blinding white light that shot out of her eyes and mouth as she spoke with several voices at once.
"My name is Macrovac 2501 Joyuese An End to Dissonance. You can call me God"

Can someone who's actually read the Culture books tell me if I picked a good Mind for this, I only went with Frank Exchange of Views because I like the name.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 06:15 PM
Win.


That's ... awesome.


Evidently Durandal did finally get his wish of becoming omnipotent.

LBO
2008-06-05, 06:27 PM
WIIIIIIIIIN. Except the Major is not "stocky", dammit. She's healthy. :smallyuk: (Yes, I know, cyborg.)

(Regarding the question, just about any Mind will do, they all have their own creepy little quirks. Masaq' Orbital/Lasting Damage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GSV_Lasting_Damage), for example, is an ex-military Mind with PTSD and a particularly weird twin complex, Sleeper Service (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleeper_Service) has a really, really odd fascination with sleeping bodies, while Grey Area (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GCU_Grey_Area) is the only ship to ever break the taboo on using effectors to interfere with a sentient creature's mind, and is as a result called "Meat****er" by its peers.)

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 06:27 PM
There's something missing in that gathering of AI's. I can't quite pin it down, but...


Ah. Of course.

Neuromancer. How can we have a meeting of AI's without the big daddy?

Verruckt
2008-06-05, 06:40 PM
There's something missing in that gathering of AI's. I can't quite pin it down, but...


Ah. Of course.

Neuromancer. How can we have a meeting of AI's without the big daddy?

Tell me more? Some one else if going to have to write the bit where she/it/them pull a Carl (kudos to whoever gets the reference) and makes all the Necrons outside pop with its/theirs/her mind.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 06:45 PM
Tell me more? Some one else if going to have to write the bit where she/it/them pull a Carl (kudos to whoever gets the reference) and makes all the Necrons outside pop with its/theirs/her mind.

Neuromancer: Whatever you though of, this one did it first (Eerily, it's the first instance of a combination of AI's too. How ironically appropriate). (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuromancer) Without that one, Cyberpunk wouldn't exist.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 06:47 PM
Also, their neural net is augmented by the Drummers. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diamond_Age)

I think we have our computer network together.

chiasaur11
2008-06-05, 06:57 PM
So, is it film Stark (good) or current comic Stark (evil)?

Also, is Cortana doing this due to the Cheif's... unfortunate fate at the hands of Team Fortress 2?

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 07:01 PM
Perhaps Cortana was the Intel (http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Intelligence) that RED Spy and others were sent to retrieve, at the behest of GLaDOS/the Overwatch?

LBO
2008-06-05, 07:07 PM
Oh! Throw in Central Consciousness and the Infinity Circuit of an average craftworld, for the lulz. They're collective minds, rather than AIs, but a million dead Eldar and a trillion patterns all yelling for attention at once would make for Hilarity Ensuing.

Verruckt
2008-06-05, 07:09 PM
I'm going to say that chief was sans Cortana at the time. As for Stark, he's hanging out with a centuar, a child genius, Frank Castle, Agent 47 and FREAKING BATMAN. I'll say it's civil war stark, so, will call him Gray as far as morality goes.

Also, from what I'm reading here, wouldn't Neuromancer find such a union abhorrent?

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 07:12 PM
I'm going to say that chief was sans Cortana at the time. As for Stark, he's hanging out with a centuar, a child genius, Frank Castle, Agent 47 and FREAKING BATMAN. I'll say it's civil war stark, so, will call him Gray as far as morality goes.

Also, from what I'm reading here, wouldn't Neuromancer find such a union abhorrent?

Neuromancer doesn't get to pick. Let's say Wintermute won already.

Having the Neuromancer Supernet at their side gives the humans a pretty mean advantage. All of the humans can store their consciousness and thus, if they go down, they have an extra life, so to speak.

GoC
2008-06-05, 07:13 PM
Hell, If I remember, Two P could be stunned by a special epic spell. That's a testament to how B0rked they are.

Only if he hasn't made himself immune to stunning. Which he will given his infinite intelligence and logic-breaking powers (or even his non-logic breaking ones).

Verruckt
2008-06-05, 07:14 PM
Watson, warm up the cloning tanks!

Also, Pun Pun is about to meet a being who knows the answer to the question of "How do I stop universal entropy"

Epic Spell THAT

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 07:14 PM
I'm going to say that chief was sans Cortana at the time. As for Stark, he's hanging out with a centuar, a child genius, Frank Castle, Agent 47 and FREAKING GODDAMN BATMAN. I'll say it's civil war stark, so, will call him Gray as far as morality goes.

Fix'd.


Also, from what I'm reading here, wouldn't Neuromancer find such a union abhorrent?

It's entirely possible that he had no choice. At the height of their power, SHODAN could write herself into the genetic code of humans, and Durandal was controlling everything, everywhere, all the time (y'know the Centurai signal? Just as planned.) - the Neuromancer, as evidenced in the book, was just a very powerful computer with a humongous firewall. GLaDOS would probably turn it into a Bakewell.


Having the Neuromancer Supernet at their side gives the humans a pretty mean advantage. All of the humans can store their consciousness and thus, if they go down, they have an extra life, so to speak.

If GLaDOS doesn't just go and delete them for the lulz, that is.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-05, 07:25 PM
Watson, warm up the cloning tanks!

Also, Pun Pun is about to meet a being who knows the answer to the question of "How do I stop universal entropy"

Epic Spell THAT

Stasis. Not that hard if I could do it.


Scribe: It'll be kinda hard to hack in if the combination of AI's also was a combination of ICEs.

Verruckt
2008-06-05, 07:40 PM
My thought is they only reason Motoko is still floating around is because Macrovac wants an avatar if only for ease of interaction with the meat puppets, er, "Hyoomanz". The rest of the computer is in hyperspace. (or better yet, the warp, playing chess with Tzeench, and winning, not as planned.)

If you haven't read "The Last Question" by Isaac Asimov, go read it now
http://www.multivax.com/last_question.html
When you are finished finding new pants, tell me that can beat Pun Pun on Rule of Cool alone...

GoC
2008-06-05, 07:41 PM
Watson, warm up the cloning tanks!

Also, Pun Pun is about to meet a being who knows the answer to the question of "How do I stop universal entropy"

Epic Spell THAT

Cantrips violate entropy so an epic spell that does the same is ridiculously easy!
Just create a permanent epic spell that heats and cool different parts of the universe at various intervals.

EDIT: I also forgot to mention that Pun-Pun is completely omniscient (in time, space and other things) and infinitely intelligent.

Verruckt
2008-06-05, 07:43 PM
Cantrips violate entropy so an epic spell that does the same is ridiculously easy!
Just create a permanent epic spell that heats and cool different parts of the universe at various intervals.

shut up. My version is cooler.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 07:44 PM
There is an insufficient number of zombies in this thread.

Meth will change that.

http://www.hairyfishnuts.com/images/dead-rising-large.jpg

This goes some way towards rectifying it.

LBO
2008-06-05, 07:57 PM
A small knot of ultra-intelligent AIs in small blue spiderlike machines sang happy songs of necessity overcoming friendship, oblivious to their surroundings until arcs of blue lightning suddenly came from everywhere at once. Searching around, squealing indignantly, their camera units settled on a pair of moustachioed men with wild eyes and wilder hair. The writer and the inventor hurriedly calibrated their whirring device of brass and glass, glancing fearfully at the distant three-legged silhouettes on the horizon, and the black smoke that curled around their feet.

The city of London, after so long hungry, found itself on an Earth thought lost forever; a lush, green world, teeming with prey. On every deck of the great Traction City, Londoners chant the names of their city and of Magnus Crome, as the great dome of Saint Paul's opens and MEDUSA unfolds, like some freat snake-charmer's final trick. Engines roaring, jaws open, London goes on the hunt.

The Commander suit, emerging from the implosion device expecting to find a virgin galaxy free forever of the taint of ARM, instead found an infestation of life and machines greater than ever seen before. Four thousand years of total war had been for nothing. The victory, earned at such a cost, must be regained, and never again allowed to slip away.

The nanolathe arm came up, and the green spark of creation flowed forth.

But the greatest foe of mechanical life watched, with eyes that had seen ten thousand years of hate and war. The horrid blossom of Chaos would wither, would die, if the machines were allowed to flourish. He... he would take away their METAL BOXES (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO3MttgvHUY).

The creature knew no fear, no surrender, nothing but the attack. Armoured against all attack, armed with beak and claw. Monsters many times its size had assailed it, and it had sent them running in terror. No foe alive could stand before it; they could only run and hide. The creature's eyes gleamed with a faraway light, and every cat alive felt a shiver of distant fear.

The Tachikomas, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghost_in_the_Shell:_Stand_Alone_Complex).
Mark Twain and Nikola Tesla, Five Fists of Science (http://www.amazon.com/Five-Fists-Science-Matt-Fraction/dp/1582406057) Real Life
The Martian War-Machines, The War of the Worlds.
The city of London, Mortal Engines (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MortalEngines)
Core Commander, Total Annihilation: The Core Contingency (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_annihilation)
Firaevus Carron, Dawn of War: Soulstorm (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO3MttgvHUY)
The Killer Tortoise. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul0gfCyeiyM)

chiasaur11
2008-06-05, 08:09 PM
Hmm...
Might the Spartan respawn, as some theorized, as the Marathon guy?

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-05, 08:18 PM
Firaveus Carron escaped?

We have failed ...










... the Emprah.

Pie Guy
2008-06-05, 08:41 PM
Docter Who universe wins. It just does.

Now if we include Jack Harkanass of Torchwood, Then we have a person with a teleporter, who cannot die, no matter how hard you try.
At least not for several billion years after the fact

chiasaur11
2008-06-05, 08:51 PM
Docter Who universe wins. It just does.

Now if we include Jack Harkanass of Torchwood, Then we have a person with a teleporter, who cannot die, no matter how hard you try.
At least not for several billion years after the fact

That's no big deal.
I mean, Mr. Immortal will outlive his universe (marvel) and Church from Red vs. Blue is an immortal ghost who can possess anybody. Lots of guys won't die.

And a good deal of guys have ways to make not dying irrelevant. Like guns that send you to hell while you're alive, and epic imprisonment.

Verruckt
2008-06-06, 01:31 AM
Taking Stock, Locations and characters in the fight so far:

At the TF2 Map:

TF2 Team
Spartan 117
some Mook USMC Marines
Nick Fury
presumably some SHIELD Mooks.


In Spehss METAL BOXES Space:

The Battlestar Galactica
The Cylons
The Daleks
Thrawn in the Sun Crusher With attendant fleet of star destroyers.
The USS Enterprise, with the Q.
The God-Emperor of all Mankind, the entire Dark Angels Chapter, in a Blackstone Fortress
Tzeentch
Azathoth
The Culture
Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann


In Tokyo, making a general mess of the place:

The Doom Marine (John Stalvern, before he was the demons)
Deadpool
Voldemort
The G-Man, with Gordon Freeman.
Granny Weatherwax


In America, throwing mountains at each other:

Raistlin
Pun Pun
Sauron
Jean Grey/the Phoenix
Thanos, with the Infinity Gauntlet
Chuck Norris
The Specter
Silver Age Supes


In America, Ducking:

Zaphod Beeblebrox


In Fowl Manor:

Batman
Bruce Lee
Artemis Fowl and Butler
Holly and Foaly with a L.E.P. Recon squad, as well as a few warlocks.
Haruhi Suzumiya and the SOS-brigade
Tony Stark
Agent 47
Frank Castle
A contingent from the Hellsing Organization
(Integra, Seras Victoria, Walter, Alucard, and a detachment of Wild Geese)
A contingent from the B.P.R.D.
(The classic BPRD line up, plus Hellboy, along with a detachment of BPRD troopers)
Macrovac 2501 Joyuese An End to Dissonance / God


Parts Unkown:

The Tachikomas
(probably just floating around in 2501's head squealing with glee)
Mark Twain and Nikola Tesla
The Martian War-Machines
The City of London
Core Commander
Firaevus Carron


Some one else is going to have to take over the write******ry for now, i need sleep.

LBO
2008-06-06, 04:46 AM
You left ot the tortoise :smallannoyed: Honestly, he's the one I'd back above all others.

Adumbration
2008-06-06, 06:15 AM
I really want to see Granny Weatherwax and Voldemort duel. :smallwink:

Dhavaer
2008-06-06, 06:50 AM
Needs moar Xeelee.

Destro_Yersul
2008-06-06, 08:32 AM
Meanwhile, somewhere in America:

The city of St. Canard, recently beset by unknown forces led by ... Hey DW, whatcha doing? Darkwing Duck turned, sighing. I'm narrating, Launchpad. It's a hero thing. Oh. I was thinking you would be out fighting the bad guys by now. I'm getting to that. Let me set the scene first, ok? He turned back, looking out over the city once again. Led by the one known as 'Sauron'. None have stopped him, nothing can stand before him. Nothing, of course, but Darkwing Duck! Quickly Launchpad, to the Thunderquack!

Sauron marched on the city, swinging his flail. Buildings toppled, struck down by the power of the ring. The sloppily organized defense put up by the army was as nothing compared to his might. Soon this city would be his, and with its citizens at his command he would wage war on the world. Suddenly, a voice came from nowhere and everywhere. I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the rust that crumbles your armour. I am... Darkwing Duck! A flash of smoke appeared on the top of a wrecked tank, dispersing to reveal an anthropomorphic duck in a flamboyant hat and cape. Sauron brought the flail crashing down on the vehicle, but Darkwing lept to the side. That's a new one. Normally my adversaries use modern weapons. Except for Bushroot, but he doesn't really count.

The Rogue Maia and the Duck faced off, Sauron swinging the flail, Darkwing armed only with his wits and gas gun. After the third time jumping out of the way, Darkwing raised the gun. This is getting tedious. Suck gas, evildoer! Before he could pull the trigger the flail smashed him aside, sending him careening into a nearby building. Launchpad hurried to pull him out of the rubble. You know DW, I think this guy may be a bit out of your league. Nonsense! replied Darkwing, poking his head out of a duck-shaped hole in the wall. No one is out of my league!

((I'll leave it there for now. Have to decide how Darkwing beats Sauron))

puppyavenger
2008-06-06, 08:32 AM
you forgot the necrons
ooh, ooh! Void dreagon versus God versu Emperor (pure A.I's are actualy tied for the place of the Imperiums "most Hated List")

GoC
2008-06-06, 08:41 AM
In America, throwing mountains at each other:

Raistlin
Pun Pun
Sauron
Jean Grey/the Phoenix
Thanos, with the Infinity Gauntlet
Chuck Norris
The Specter
Silver Age Supes


LOL!
Yeah, Sauron fanboys really are that ridiculous...

puppyavenger: I'd say Tippy Wizard (created by Pun-Pun) vs. the God Emperor.

WalkingTarget
2008-06-06, 09:31 AM
Hmm...

A thought, could we toss in some Dave Bowman/Star Child, another perfectly-functional but homicidal computer, and/or some creepy black monoliths for some extra mind-screwy goodness.

http://www.sinj.com/the-sun-tarot/images/star-child-2001.jpg

http://russomcbo78.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/hal-9000-eye.jpg

http://www.zillaspeak.com/monolith2001br.jpg

At the very least, HAL (http://www.xkcd.org/375/) could keep GLaDOS and the other AIs occupied (until some jerk comes in and starts taking him apart).

chiasaur11
2008-06-06, 12:51 PM
LOL!
Yeah, Sauron fanboys really are that ridiculous...

puppyavenger: I'd say Tippy Wizard (created by Pun-Pun) vs. the God Emperor.

You know, America might be the lowest casualty battleground. I mean, Pun-Pun is either True Nuetral or Nuetral good depending on which one we're talking about, Phoenix is sometimes good, and Thanos will be too confused by all the extra Deaths to really do much. Add in Silver Age superman, and we've got a fair deal of people who don't want to kill bystanders, and one guy who has any superpower he wants whose two goals in life are: Being a jerk to his friends & keeping people safe. Silver age Superman by himself should massively cut casualties. The real threat here is the living embodiment of the wrath of God, and with Sauron, Thanos, and Raistlin there, cheating on your wife or eating puppies looks rather minor.

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-06, 12:51 PM
you forgot the necrons
ooh, ooh! Void dreagon versus God versu Emperor (pure A.I's are actualy tied for the place of the Imperiums "most Hated List")

Err ... God is taking part in this battle? That one, who goes by the name?


At the very least, HAL could keep GLaDOS and the other AIs occupied (until some jerk comes in and starts taking him apart).

Well, HAL's powerful, but we are dealing with numerous entities that outclass him at his own game.

Next up - Haruhi vs. Doom Marine.

puppyavenger
2008-06-06, 01:26 PM
Err ... God is taking part in this battle? That one, who goes by the name?
no, the supe A.I who's name I can't remember.

Verruckt
2008-06-06, 03:51 PM
no, the supe A.I who's name I can't remember.

2501, hmm, are we going with the "Created all imperial technology Void Dragon" or the vanilla C'Tan Void Dragon. The latter would actually be a wee bit more difficult, as the former suggests some kind of mechanical nature. (although, if we rig 2501 up with some Effectors...)

puppyavenger
2008-06-06, 03:56 PM
2501, hmm, are we going with the "Created all imperial technology Void Dragon" or the vanilla C'Tan Void Dragon. The latter would actually be a wee bit more difficult, as the former suggests some kind of mechanical nature. (although, if we rig 2501 up with some Effectors...)

normal living metal/necrodermis outsdie with creamy star-god/" spirit with almost complete control of the material plane" inside.
also, before you say he's dead, remember that the race of presucers with complte control of a limitless amount of his one weakness could only force a stalemate.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-06, 06:59 PM
http://www.zillaspeak.com/monolith2001br.jpg


Of course. How could I forget that?

*MSHvsSF voice:*
Here comes a new challenger!
http://www.cncden.com/cnc3_nodunits/nod_obolisk02.jpg
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b363/jazzking2001/mammoth-tank-papercraft.jpg
http://www.cncden.com/cnc3_scrin/tripod.jpg

Pun Pun claims the Mammoth tank and the obelisk.

puppyavenger
2008-06-06, 07:01 PM
Of course. How could I forget that?

*MSHvsSF voice:*
Here comes a new challenger!
http://www.cncden.com/cnc3_nodunits/nod_obolisk02.jpg
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b363/jazzking2001/mammoth-tank-papercraft.jpg
http://www.cncden.com/cnc3_scrin/tripod.jpg

Pun Pun claims the Mammoth tank and the obelisk.

where are those from?

Verruckt
2008-06-06, 07:39 PM
Those are all from the Tiberium Vein (rim-shot) of the Command and Conquer series. And Pun Pun can have the damned things, we get the Mammoth Mk 2 and a whole lot of zone troopers.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-06, 07:40 PM
where are those from?

:smalleek:

You don't know? Command and Conquer. The obelisk practically screams "KAAAAAAAAAAAANEEEEEE!".

LBO
2008-06-06, 08:46 PM
So I herd u liek rule of cool?

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/ME_010_London.jpg
Vroom.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-06, 10:02 PM
So I herd u liek rule of cool?

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/ME_010_London.jpg
Vroom.

http://www.trekp.com/posters/gw059-one_upmanship.jpg

'Nuff said.

Verruckt
2008-06-06, 11:25 PM
So I herd u liek rule of cool?

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/ME_010_London.jpg
Vroom.

Does it come in red? :smallbiggrin:

LBO
2008-06-07, 04:12 AM
Regrettably, no, but... it can be shooty and choppy at the same time, it's like a metropolitan version of a face-eater squig, and... you can add more dakka?

Bryn
2008-06-07, 04:50 AM
Who painted that, have they done any other art for Mortal Engines, and what must I do to join their religion?

Seriously, that is beautiful.

(Also, in a similar vein... (http://radojavor.deviantart.com/art/Titan-41909667))

LBO
2008-06-07, 05:07 AM
Some highly talented chap I found on a Google search a long time ago... whose name I have now forgotten, and who I can't seem to find now. :< He's also done Anna Fang (his version is a little too psycho-dominatrix for my taste; stern expression is one thing, spiky corset is another) and Hester (which is absolutely spot on. Except the belt annoys me a bit.)


http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/ME_02_AnnaFang.jpg
http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/ME_03_HesterShaw.jpg


Also, I <3 Radojavor. That guy makes perfection look like crap.

Azerian Kelimon
2008-06-07, 11:49 AM
For some reason, the first one reminds me of Max Payne 2's version of Mona Sax. Seriously, it's very very similar.

Verruckt
2008-06-07, 03:58 PM
For some reason, the first one reminds me of Max Payne 2's version of Mona Sax. Seriously, it's very very similar.

agreed, and the lower one looks a bit like Hel if she'd spent to long out at thunderdome...

Finn Solomon
2008-06-09, 08:05 AM
Tell you chaps what, why not we have a massive tournament where voting decides who wins each round, until we arrive at an eventual winner? Some talented people might be interested in doing a narrative description of each battle and so on.

LBO
2008-06-09, 09:38 AM
...Can you imagine that not turning into a crapstorm? :smallconfused:

Verruckt
2008-06-09, 11:12 AM
Tell you what mate, you set up such a thread, wherein the winner is decided by popular vote (would need to be in silly message board games) and not by incessant bickering, then i'll write some of the stories happily. Just need a couple more write***s and someone who's enough of a virgo to organize it.

Destro_Yersul
2008-06-09, 11:18 AM
I'll write. *points at DW post a little ways back*

Assuming anyone wants me too, of course.

Finn Solomon
2008-06-09, 11:51 AM
All right then, I'll put something up tomorrow. Should be great fun!

LBO
2008-06-09, 01:57 PM
Can we have the Emperor and co in something other than a Blackstone? Okay, they're awesome and all, but they're Eldar-made, and the Emperor haet xeno.

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/divineright.jpg
This instead? Pwease? :smallredface:

puppyavenger
2008-06-09, 02:12 PM
Can we have the Emperor and co in something other than a Blackstone? Okay, they're awesome and all, but they're Eldar-made, and the Emperor haet xeno.

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/divineright.jpg
This instead? Pwease? :smallredface:

If we want to make him a heavy hitter, how about a Ramulis Star fort with an Emperor class Battle-ship?

Illiterate Scribe
2008-06-09, 02:13 PM
Yeah, but we want to give 'em a fighting chance. Also, The EMPRAH was more than willing to colonise/expand the webway, so he's pragmatic. But all right, say that the Custodians are following in the Divine Right. Possibly as a later extra choice.

Also, - sorry Finn Solomon, but I already took care of my baby. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82759)

Hunter Noventa
2008-06-09, 03:01 PM
This is made of win. The true Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. However...there is one thing you all have neglected, which leaves me severely disappointed.


http://uk.geocities.com/laharldisgaea/dis-laharl1.jpg
SPAWN MOAR OVERLORDS!!!!!


That's right, let's toss Laharl, Etna, Fallen Angel Flonne, Adell, Rozalin, Zetta, Gig, heck, the entire NIS universe, even Captain Gordon, Defender of Earth!

Because it will only add to the awesome. Zetta's eye lasers...Larharl's wrath...somehow I can easily imagine Flonne and Etna coming up with a cannon that shoots Prinnies. Exploding Peguins everywhere!

Verruckt
2008-06-09, 04:26 PM
hmm, yeah, we do need Zerg in here... :smalltongue:

puppyavenger
2008-06-09, 04:34 PM
hmm, yeah, we do need Zerg in here... :smalltongue:

Taking that to the eleventh degree.
The tyranid main fleet, after mind controlling the zerg, with alien DNa integrated, and flood reanimation ability, and the many.

Verruckt
2008-06-09, 04:46 PM
Taking that to the eleventh degree.
The tyranid main fleet, after mind controlling the zerg, with alien DNa integrated, and flood reanimation ability, and the many.

+ Sliver proximal evolution ability :smallamused:

puppyavenger
2008-06-09, 07:00 PM
+ Sliver proximal evolution ability :smallamused:

sure, why not.

GoC
2008-06-09, 08:14 PM
Can we have the Emperor and co in something other than a Blackstone? Okay, they're awesome and all, but they're Eldar-made, and the Emperor haet xeno.

http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u320/LBO_photos/divineright.jpg
This instead? Pwease? :smallredface:

I tried to analyze the scale but found that to be hopeless.
How large is that ship and what's it's complement?

Deadmeat.GW
2008-06-10, 01:08 AM
Hum, that battleship has a compliment of about half a million souls according to some fluff, if i can get hold of it I will post it.

Verruckt
2008-06-10, 02:02 AM
Seeing as how it's the flagship of the entire BFG i think we can just write it off as "will absolutely ruin your ****" and then call it a day, just from the pic I see, 5-6 heavy lance tubes... Painful...

LBO
2008-06-10, 02:29 AM
I tried to analyze the scale but found that to be hopeless.
How large is that ship and what's it's complement?
"Fricking huge" and "loads". I think a lot of estimates put Imperial battleships such as the Emperor-class in the 7-8 km range, but it being an Imperial ship, the human resources aspect is not efficient. You have hundreds of thousands of slaves/press-ganged ratings who exist to do nothing but load skyscraper-sized shells and torpedoes with the strength of their backs, menials who spend their entire lives polishing the skull-shaped brass studs on the back of chairs in pilot ready-rooms. There are likely entire areas full of feral ex-crewmen who have lost contact with the rest of the ship, regressed and formed their own societies. (This being 40k, they're also likely cannibal mutants.) It could be well into the millions.

EDIT: Archived /tg/ discussion (http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1697978/), which is pretty good at getting the feel across (the thing about the multiple bridges is BS, though - that's Ork ships). The Retribution-class pictured in one of the thread images is about the same basic size as the Emperor class.

GoC
2008-06-10, 10:20 PM
It could be well into the millions.
Thanks to cubic scaling it could even be in the tens of millions.
How many battleships are there in the Imperium?
Or more specifically what is the approximate total volume of the Imperial Navy?
For example the volume of a ship the shape of a Retribution Class Battleship is approximately one 50th of the cube of it's length excluding the frontal gun.

AngelForm
2008-06-14, 06:41 PM
A battleships of Imperium is about 10km long with “tens of thousands of crew”. Some of the fluff indicates that there are also command ships, about 14km of slow moving massively shielded indiscriminate destruction, and there is of course the Rock (known officially as The Tower of Angels) and the Phalanx both of which are warp capable mobile star forts that make a Ramilies class (the 40k equivalent of the death star, no super gun but loads of conventional weapons) look puny. So there is no shortage of BIG ships for the 40k brigade.

As to the size of the Imperial Navy, that is hard to calculate. Each of the 4 major sectors has its own battle fleet containing (I think) about 1000 active capital ships most of which are cursers all with full escort support. I do know that the Terra defence fleet, without the Mars or Titan fleets, contains 200 battleships with full support ships.


Ok now for some fun, people I propose to add and why.

X(A/N)th along with E(A/R)th, D(E/A)th, D(E/P)th, T(E/N)th and any others of that pantheon. X(A/N)th at least should care as he is currently sat on earth having a good think with a “do not disturb” sine up. As to the others, they are omnipotent immortals who play games to pass the time, I think that a confrontation of this awesomeness would be good entertainment/sport. Given that each of them possess limitless magic there combined might should be able to mach anything, even Azathoth or The Culture.

Mr T and O-chul. How could you not have included these being of pure awesome?

The entire might of the Time-Space Administration Bureau (Nanoha StrikerS timeline) including the fleet. They are dedicated to preserving Time-Space and if this battle dose not threaten that then nothing dose.

Arthas the Lich King. Mostly so Sauron can have someone of similar power and abilities to fight.

Would like to have Kain with the completed Reaver (that thing is unstoppable at the end of Defiance, 4 of the same soul loads of elemental powers and all fully purified) but cant see his wanting to get involver in this war of the gods.

Also I demand that the 4+1 Horsemen of the Apocralypse, the Auditors of Reality and Rincewind with the Luggage be included in this if only for comedic value.

On a final note it is my belief that only Haruhi could possibly “win” this battle as she is maintaining the universe subconsciously, therefore if she gets killed ether all existence will cease or she will just rewrite herself back into existence.

Moff Chumley
2008-06-14, 07:51 PM
Blackadder and Baldric. Legions upon Legions of Blackadders and Baldricks, from every continuity and setting in existence. Imagine...

chiasaur11
2008-06-14, 07:56 PM
Blackadder and Baldric. Legions upon Legions of Blackadders and Baldricks, from every continuity and setting in existence. Imagine...

And, since we got the imperium already, CIAPHAS CAIN, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM.

Maybe Flashman too. The more dirty cowards, the better.

Flame of Anor
2008-12-09, 12:27 AM
The Daleks totally win. One Dalek, without bad-guy bad-luck, could wipe out any normal human force. They are virtually indestructible by normal weaponry, and, when flying, are manoeuverable enough to evade heavier weaponry. And with their whole army, they presumably have Heavy Weapons Daleks, Awesomeness Daleks, W.I.N. Daleks, and the dreaded P.W.N. Daleks. So I say that the Daleks would win. Unless of course the Doctor were thrown into the mix.

turkishproverb
2008-12-09, 01:06 AM
Or Thaleks. You don't want to know about the Thaleks.

chiasaur11
2008-12-09, 10:14 AM
The Daleks totally win. One Dalek, without bad-guy bad-luck, could wipe out any normal human force. They are virtually indestructible by normal weaponry, and, when flying, are manoeuverable enough to evade heavier weaponry. And with their whole army, they presumably have Heavy Weapons Daleks, Awesomeness Daleks, W.I.N. Daleks, and the dreaded P.W.N. Daleks. So I say that the Daleks would win. Unless of course the Doctor were thrown into the mix.

...
You do know there are beings that functionally qualify as gods being thrown about here, right? UNIT is able to, occasionally, drop one or two Daleks, and they're "merely" an elite anti alien task force. There are guys here who punch galaxies to death and kill universes when bored.

And there's Granny Weatherwax. I truly pity any Dalek that tries to deal with her. I mean, if they can be infected with human style thinking, it's her game to lose.

BRC
2008-12-09, 10:19 AM
Has anybody mentioned Petey from Schlock Mercenary yet?

Verruckt
2008-12-10, 04:23 PM
mmm... thread resurrection.

Bloody just mentioned the schlockoverse, and I heartily agree. I also figure as long as we're slinging around gods here: Dr. Manhattan.
And while we're at it (and since I was binging on the glory of Neal Stephenson during the 6 months this wall of concentrated EPIC languished in the back pages) a new and revised compilation of beings that comprise our new AI god: Enki

Durandal
Cortana
SHODAN
GlaDOS
Major (The Major, 2501, possibly The Laughing Man, and The Major again)
Frank Exchange of Views
Neuromancer (and wintermute)
Hal
The Drummer Net
Red Queen

Technically the drummer net is just a neon orgy and not really a computer system, but hey.

Bryn
2008-12-10, 04:56 PM
What's this, Holmes? Merely a 6-month old thread, Watson.

Not that I'm complaining. I'd far rather have this thread than any other vs. thread, at all :smallamused:

Always remember that the point of this thread is not to say 'xyz would win!' (where xyz is the faction or character from your favourite media) but to mass-produce WIN, AWESOME, and possibly LULZ. It is the living incarnation of the Rule of Cool. Never take this seriously, because if you do, your very mind will burst forth from your brain and cover your local area with EPIC.

Not today, but sometime soon, I have every intention of writing a bit of this huge and awesome conflict - from the 40k POV, because that's what I know, and because Guardsmen exist to be horribly slaughtered in fiction!

Until then, keep the win flowing! :smallbiggrin:

Zaphrasz
2008-12-10, 09:01 PM
It seems to me that there are too many omnipotent beings on the list. You really can't have more than one omnipotent guy at a time. From what I know of The God Emperor, as soon as he is not sitting there doing nothing, he wins, game over, Pun Pun has his I Win ability, Raistlin manages to overtake the creating deities along with the primal forces of the universe, and Qs can do anything not involving other Qs. Don't they all just create a divide by zero error when they enter the same universe?

UltraDude
2008-12-15, 02:11 PM
It seems to me that there are too many omnipotent beings on the list. You really can't have more than one omnipotent guy at a time. From what I know of The God Emperor, as soon as he is not sitting there doing nothing, he wins, game over, Pun Pun has his I Win ability, Raistlin manages to overtake the creating deities along with the primal forces of the universe, and Qs can do anything not involving other Qs. Don't they all just create a divide by zero error when they enter the same universe?

The working idea here is that it won't just be instant game over, and that the divide by zero will require effort on the part of these beings. Which would lead to vast amounts of win.

Wondering how long Kira Yamato's Plot Armor would keep him alive in a conflict of this scale?

chiasaur11
2008-12-15, 02:29 PM
Probably.

I figure that the godlikes, depending on personality etc. mainly focus on protecting non-coms and dealing with the other godlikes. If you're just a grunt level guy, the TTGL, double P, single P, and the rest of that bunch are merely a huge light show going on while a bulky guy with a heavy Russian accent and a minigun massacres your entire squad.

Hmm... I might write a bit for this.

kopout
2008-12-15, 03:14 PM
With a wirrr and a puff of steam a house lurches into existents between the earth and the moon dragged behind is a gallon covered in spider webs and a swarm of black shapes. From the outer edge of the solar system comes a space ship shaped like a giant spider that immediately brakes into many many miniatures of itself that go zooming off to the orbital fleets and the planet's surface alike.

new contestants
replicators ( stargate)
the moob (larklight)
larklight (and its residents) (larklight)
The Spiders (larklight)

chiasaur11
2008-12-15, 04:28 PM
Tim Granger looked around, barely suppressing outright panic. The Suicide Squad had been sent into fairly dangerous territory before. Ratzi patrols, rogue robots... heck, he was pretty sure that he wasn't even the only guy fighting dinosaurs, if Morgan hadn't snapped like Talbot, but this...

First thing to happen after landing was his partner on the mission being blown to bits by some kinda killer saltshaker, which, in short order, was killed by a guy in decidedly non regulation togs with a chainsaw. Before he could even thank the guy, something that, if he didn't know better, he'd swear was a demon began chewing at him, and somewhere in the sky some kinda lizard was shooting lightning at something he very much didn't want to look at with one hand, while reading some kinda book held up in the other. About that time, running became the sensible option. He'd barely evaded a swarm of zombies, and was hoping to catch his breath when something moved behind him.

"Get up Soldier! We've got us a war to win, and Easy Company doesn't have room for grunts who think they can get away with sleeping on the job!"

Easy Company? That was Frank Rock's unit. Way he heard it, they'd taken half of Europe back by themselves. If they were here...

"Did you hear me soldier?"

"Uh, yes Sarge. Heard you loud and clear."

"Good. I've managed to find a couple of other batches of grunts, including a K-9 unit. We've been trying to get to an OSS spook who apparently is a tiny bit less in the dark about this mess than everyone else. Guy by the name of Richards. "



Sorry it's so long. Went through a couple modifications as it went.

So, New Challengers

Sgt. Frank Rock
Misc. Suicide Squad, Howling commando, and Easy Company grunts.
REX, THE WONDERDOG!
Reed Richards, circa 1943

Verruckt
2008-12-15, 07:03 PM
Magenta Level Key Accepted

Decoding...
...
...
...
Decoded

++++Begin Pict Caster Record++++

Pict source linked to motion tracker. Area appears to be lunar surface. View rotates to show a large, armored hand reaching back inside a drop pod to retrieve a storm bolter. Several Dark Angel Terminators come into view. Voices heard in brief exchange of vox chatter, recognized as First Company battle cant. Terminators and pict source begin to stride across the moon, cresting the lip of a crater. Inside the miles wide crater the bleak environment changes dramatically. White dust is replaced by a sea of organic life. Unidentified Xenoforms bearing some resemblance to known Tyranid forms swarm over large hive structures. A horde of small dog-like creatures charges towards the Terminators. Bolt shells tear them apart and an assault cannon whirs to life and throws furrows of ichor into the vacuum. Pict Source drops storm bolter and begins to lay in with a powerfist. One Terminator is impaled and lifted of the ground by a massive chitinous spike that erupts from the living surface out of nowhere. Another falls to his knees gripping a long spine that juts from a seal in his armor, his thick Astartes blood venting up and floating away. Large snake-like creatures begin hurling spines at great velocities towards the terminators.

Motion Tracker is confused and shorts out when a movement source to fast to track dismembers a terminator commander.

Pict Source turns to confront motion source and is lifted a foot off the creeping organic surface by a long blade through its torso. Motion source speaks "Hello little thing. I am the Queen of Blades."

Source goes black, then returns, stationary and staring straight up. Earth and a massive space battle are briefly visible until the image is lost beneath a trampling swarm of bladed appendages.

A New Challenger Appears: The Zerg are on The Moon!

Oslecamo
2008-12-16, 05:39 AM
Who called necromancers to the confusion again?

Moff Chumley
2008-12-16, 05:25 PM
Yay, we can has thread back.
Also, I think there should be some epic clash between The Playground Misfits and all of 4-chan.

Cleverdan22
2008-12-16, 06:08 PM
Playgrounders would win. 4-chan goin down!

Verruckt
2008-12-16, 07:47 PM
Well as mighty and mischievous as we Misfits are, if we are competing with 4chan we'd probably end up facing their contributions to 40k canon. The Angry Marines and The Eclipsion Terror Guard. I don't know about you, but the idea of fighting spacemarines with Tourette's and Power Bats as well as an army of guardsmen who take their inspiration from Silent Hill of all things does not sound real appetizing to me.

That said, I think the Gobi Desert has enough room to deploy all three of those forces, so in they go!

Moff Chumley
2008-12-16, 08:07 PM
Can't we pit the angry marines against the reasonable marines?

chiasaur11
2008-12-16, 08:47 PM
Can't we pit the angry marines against the reasonable marines?

That would end...
badly.

Moff Chumley
2008-12-17, 06:35 PM
That would end...
badly.

But for who?

chiasaur11
2008-12-17, 07:08 PM
But for who?

Everyone.

I mean, we are talking 40k here.

Oslecamo
2008-12-17, 07:13 PM
Everyone.

I mean, we are talking 40k here.

Nah, the orks/orcs are happy if they can die fighting against impossible odds.

chiasaur11
2008-12-17, 07:30 PM
Nah, the orks/orcs are happy if they can die fighting against impossible odds.

Fair enough, but they aren't in this one.

And really, I figure they wouldn't like fighting the reasonable marines. I mean, can you see Orks enjoying safety lectures and public service videos?

Moff Chumley
2008-12-17, 07:37 PM
THAT's what this thread lacked, orks. I knew it was something. :smallamused:

chiasaur11
2008-12-17, 07:49 PM
THAT's what this thread lacked, orks. I knew it was something. :smallamused:

WAAAGHHHH!

Well, we have one of our winners. They're a given for accomplishing their main goal.

Oslecamo
2008-12-17, 07:54 PM
Fair enough, but they aren't in this one.

Orcs/orks aren't here?????

pulls out choppa

Who's responsible for such blasphemy! Wherever there's fighting, there shall be orcs/orks!



And really, I figure they wouldn't like fighting the reasonable marines. I mean, can you see Orks enjoying safety lectures and public service videos?

Then they shall summon Thrall, the WC3 warchief, and probably the most reasonable orc of all time, who managed to make a coalition out of orcs, goblins, undeads, minotaurs, elves and trolls. The reasonable marines will rather kill themselves than listen to the talks of Thral about a peacefull self sustaining and developing society!

And then the orks move in and bash everyone.:smallbiggrin:

Moff Chumley
2008-12-17, 08:01 PM
Agreed. WAAAAAAGGGGH!!!!

chiasaur11
2008-12-17, 08:47 PM
Orcs/orks aren't here?????

pulls out choppa

Who's responsible for such blasphemy! Wherever there's fighting, there shall be orcs/orks!



Then they shall summon Thrall, the WC3 warchief, and probably the most reasonable orc of all time, who managed to make a coalition out of orcs, goblins, undeads, minotaurs, elves and trolls. The reasonable marines will rather kill themselves than listen to the talks of Thral about a peacefull self sustaining and developing society!

And then the orks move in and bash everyone.:smallbiggrin:

Um...
Reasonable Marines love talks about peaceful, self sustaining society. It's their hat, their reason for being, the reason every other group in 40k hates their guts. The more likely outcome would be them sitting, enraptured, engaging in give and take discussion until Orks hit Thrall for not being Orky enuff. And he'd hit them back. And a good time would be had by most.

Verruckt
2008-12-17, 09:00 PM
Now I'm imagining just about every hilarious 40k faction deploying some token forces into the Gobi desert. Reasonable marines trying to engage in dialogue with shouting Angry marines whilst the orks fight off orcs who are desperately trying to fight off the manifestations of their own insecurities given form of crucified commissars. Sisters of Battle burning heretics and abducting Mongolian children while the Pretty marines give them hair care tips. Doomrider riding down sand dunes shouting about his drug addictions followed by Abbadon searching for his arms and wondering where it all went wrong...

We might need a bigger space.

chiasaur11
2008-12-17, 10:49 PM
Now I'm imagining just about every hilarious 40k faction deploying some token forces into the Gobi desert. Reasonable marines trying to engage in dialogue with shouting Angry marines whilst the orks fight off orcs who are desperately trying to fight off the manifestations of their own insecurities given form of crucified commissars. Sisters of Battle burning heretics and abducting Mongolian children while the Pretty marines give them hair care tips. Doomrider riding down sand dunes shouting about his drug addictions followed by Abbadon searching for his arms and wondering where it all went wrong...

We might need a bigger space.

And a map.

I mean we have America "Playground of the gods" and the Gobi "We don't go to the Gobi Desert for a very good reason" Desert, the Moon based Nazis, Space Marines, and Zerglings, and that's just off the top of my head.

Oslecamo
2008-12-18, 05:26 AM
Um...
Reasonable Marines love talks about peaceful, self sustaining society. It's their hat, their reason for being, the reason every other group in 40k hates their guts. The more likely outcome would be them sitting, enraptured, engaging in give and take discussion until Orks hit Thrall for not being Orky enuff. And he'd hit them back. And a good time would be had by most.

Ah, but unlike the reasonable Marines, Thrall actually managed to do something besides talking, so the RM will try to bite off his head out of pure envy.

Moff Chumley
2008-12-18, 05:00 PM
I thought the reasonable marines were rather effective?

chiasaur11
2008-12-18, 07:49 PM
I thought the reasonable marines were rather effective?

I hear that too.

They have non-grimdark planets, and the Tau leave planets under their control alone due to paperwork issues.

They're the second or third most successful group in 40k.