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Agamid
2008-06-06, 05:33 PM
I seem to remember there once being a thread about strange tales from the game... but i'm not quite sure where it ended up (or whether i was just imagining it to begin with), so here's a new one.

Please share the funny, stupid and strange moments in the games you've been in.

---------------------------------------

In the group i usually play in there's a guy who always manages to keep up entertained, whether he be shooting his characters out of catapults, making outrages bets with the DM, or attacking PCs or NPCs alike just for looking at his character funny.

Last session his human barbarian was taking quite a pounding, and we were all yelling at the cleric to quit trying to turn the bloody undead and to please heal Grit (the barbarian) and Vincent (my sorcerer).
When he finally submitted he rolled really badly on his healing of Grit, only healed him 7, so rather than take the minimal amount of healing the barbarian proceeded to stab himself in the leg (dealing 7 damage to himself) and shout "This to your seven healing!"

Thrud
2008-06-06, 06:06 PM
I can remember a game all the way back in AD&D days, where the DM was a stickler for the old fasioned roll 3d6 and keep them in the stats you rolled. One player managed to roll 2 18s. (Personally I still think he had loaded dice, lucky bum, I was stuck with averageman, no stat below 9 or above 12. . .)

Anyway, he had an 18 intelligence and an 18 charisma. No sorcerers in those days, so charisma was kinda a throwaway stat. So he became this tremendous braggart, and made up a history for his character, on the grounds that he was incredibly intelligent, and very persuasive, and could perform magic to wow ignorant villagers.

Thus was born Air-Marshall Mycroft of the Svirfneblin arial assault force. (yes, svirfneblin, deep gnomes who live underground. Of course, who but a wizard is even going to know what they heck they are. And he sounded so very persuasive.)

Later on in play, he found the very first magic item for the party. A wand of magic missiles. So then he would wander around in villages saying things like "Hey there, my name's Air-Marshall Mycroft, of the Svirfneblin arial assault forces, and I am a great and powerful wizard. Would you like to touch my wand. . ."

Later on after his wnad got broken (and boy did THAT lead to much hilarity in the game), he found a magical staff, and that led to some further mofifications to his propositions having to do with the size and shape of his staff.

Man that guy was funny. Some of the best gaming I have ever taken part in. Even if my character sucked in every concievable way.

:smallcool:

Kabump
2008-06-06, 07:33 PM
This happened in our session on wednsday. We were sneaking into a cult tower to rescue this gnomes brother. We had the gnome tied up to be our "prisoner" and we used cloaks we took off some cultists we found on the road to walk in and bring the gnome to the other prisoners. We get through most of the tower ok, untill we get to where we needed to be. These guards were a lot smarter than the ones we had been fooling, and started fighting us. After I quickly took the first one out (swordsages rock!) the other one called for help. Our duskblade ran down the stairs to meet the oncoming help, managed to bluff them into thinking he was on their side, and the tower was under attack by "invisible gnomes". They came up the stairs, and while he was behind them, managed to get a hellacious crit on one of the guards and kill him. When the other guard looked at him to see what happened, ahe just shrugged and said "invisible gnomes" and managed to win the bluff check AGAIN while the rogue snuck up behind him and dropped him. We were laughing for the rest of the nite.

Silence
2008-06-06, 07:54 PM
I played a game where a character (8th level rouge/fighter) was tied up and lead to the evil kind by three guards. When talking to the king, he decides he wants to escape. He rolls the DC 20 str check, and breaks free from the bonds. The guard tries to grapple him, and he rolls and natural 20 in defense, so I let him roll for a counterattack. He rolls a fifteen, and rolls enough damage to knock the guard out, so I rule that the guard tried to grab him, he caught the guard, kneed, and kneed him in the face.

So, by then, it was his first turn in the inititive. He rolls a natural 20 on disarm, and in one graceful movement, disarms the guard, kills him, and runs up to the king, rolls a natural 19, hits for crit, killing the kind instantly with maximum damage.

He then ran out of the room, killing two guards on the way out, rolling an 18 on a str check to take down the door, runs, out of total luck, straight into the courtyard, takes a bow from another guard, and snipes out four more guards. He then SCALES THE WALL (50 ft high, DC 17 climb) perfectly, kills the three knights on horseback waiting for him from on top of the wall, throws three more guards off the wall, climbs down, and gets away on their own horse.

He killed ten guards, knocked another out, killed the king, three knights on horseback, and scaled a wall and down from being tied up in the middle of a castle with no weapons.

He was level eight, and was using my dice.

Lycan 01
2008-06-06, 07:55 PM
Yesterday was my first game of DnD. Me, my GF, and her best friend were all just trying to survive against the friend's brother, who was essentially a DM from Hell.

We managed to:

-Kick a door down and crush two Kobolds flat.

-Pour kerosean on a rat and light him on fire. (DM made him charge me and bring me down to 2 HP. :smallfurious:)

-Scare a Kobold into joining our team and name him Ted, only to later kill him in cold blood. ("What are you guys looking at me like that for?")

-Discover that Kobold piss is acidic, and when placed in an empty potion bottle makes a handy grenade capable of 1d6 damage.

-Wrap the afore-mentioned dead Kobold in a black cloak and throw him at a dragon, which thought it was a teddy bear, and teleported away with its new toy. This simple action saved three level 1 adventurers from fighting a Black Dragon with 80 HP and a 10 HP recovery per round ability... (I learned from an NPC that the dragon liked teddy bears... Amazingly, my idea worked!)



Sorry to skimp on the details, but I didn't feel like writing several walls of text... :smallamused:

Innis Cabal
2008-06-06, 08:00 PM
Fighting the (Black i seem to remember) Dragon from the Age of Works game Moduale, who opted to swoop down on the party, myself, and the other party mage suceeded on hear its approch gaining a surprise round. 4 maximised damaging spells, and one stun spell from the party favored soul, and in two rounds we had slayn a dragon without a ounce of damage

Xyk
2008-06-06, 08:10 PM
So, one of my players tends to play rogues so he played a gnome one this time. He decided it would be a good idea to carry around like 2 gallons of oil. This was a level 1 game, and there was a dungeon at the bottom of a gorge and he was the rogue and thus can take a fall the best, so he lowered a rope and about 20 feet from the bottom he notices about 5 dire rats circling the rope. He sits and thinks, and pulls out some oil. he then dumps it on them and drops the torch he was carrying. They ran around in flames (ohmygawdimonfire!) and he laughed, then that was his favorite thing to do and his solution to most situations.

WarlockBeast
2008-06-07, 10:06 AM
does crushing up exotic foods and snorting them count?:smalltongue:

Silence
2008-06-07, 10:42 AM
If you get bonuses for it...

Abardam
2008-06-07, 11:11 AM
Once I (kobold paladin) wiped out a whole contingent of bandits with, er, explosive rune pamphlets.

...see, I had Leadership, and two level 5 wizard followers, and quite a lot of time to prepare...

insecure
2008-06-07, 11:16 AM
I played a game where a character (8th level rouge/fighter) was tied up and lead to the evil kind by three guards. When talking to the king, he decides he wants to escape. He rolls the DC 20 str check, and breaks free from the bonds. The guard tries to grapple him, and he rolls and natural 20 in defense, so I let him roll for a counterattack. He rolls a fifteen, and rolls enough damage to knock the guard out, so I rule that the guard tried to grab him, he caught the guard, kneed, and kneed him in the face.

So, by then, it was his first turn in the inititive. He rolls a natural 20 on disarm, and in one graceful movement, disarms the guard, kills him, and runs up to the king, rolls a natural 19, hits for crit, killing the kind instantly with maximum damage.

He then ran out of the room, killing two guards on the way out, rolling an 18 on a str check to take down the door, runs, out of total luck, straight into the courtyard, takes a bow from another guard, and snipes out four more guards. He then SCALES THE WALL (50 ft high, DC 17 climb) perfectly, kills the three knights on horseback waiting for him from on top of the wall, throws three more guards off the wall, climbs down, and gets away on their own horse.

He killed ten guards, knocked another out, killed the king, three knights on horseback, and scaled a wall and down from being tied up in the middle of a castle with no weapons.

He was level eight, and was using my dice.

Why does this remind me of a movie?:smallwink:

Pyroconstruct
2008-06-07, 12:10 PM
The players are sneaking into Castle Darkmantle through a hidden tunnel. The tunnel goes underground, starts curving up, and then comes to rubble (looks like it used to be a stairway) ending at a small ledge 40 feet up on the wall. The ledge is 1 foot out from the wall and 5 feet wide.

Now, I'm running this. I set this up with the idea that the Barbarian (who hasn't gotten a chance to use his Climb skill) can climb up, throw a rope down to the factotum, who can check for secret doors and traps. There is, of course, a secret door, and it is trapped.

The party does exactly what I expected...except for checking for traps. Instead, they expect monsters on the other side (despite hearing nothing with Listen checks) and so they fit two people (a heavily-armored crusader and a barbarian) up on the ledge, and then put the rest of the party hanging on the rope, in a line right below the crusader.

At this point I'm trying not to laugh my ass off as they've managed to set themselves up in the worst possible situation. They open the door, trap springs, injuring and poisoning the barbarian, and knocking the crusader off the wall, onto the first guy hanging on the rope (he blew his balance check, not surprising with full plate and a shield). They then proceed to fall all the way down in a tangled heap. And the Barbarian fails both poison saves, requiring 2 charges off a wand of restoration.

They now look for traps more frequently.

Pie Guy
2008-06-07, 02:05 PM
Yesterday, my group decided to start a new campaign. We were in a hallway, and decided to split up. The Spell theif went south, The ranger and assassin went north, and I, the warlock went east. There was no west. Anyway I walk down the corridor and look in a room. There were four pillars and an alter with a sword on it. I walk back to say "Hey, guys, there's this wierd sword in one of these rooms!" I come back to hear the spell theif getting his brain almost sucked out by a mindflayer, and the ranger getting attacked by four night hags which turn into mindflayers. I would have fought all the damn mindflayers, but I got such low init that by the time I could fight it was over. Then, in another room, there was a mindflayer that just stood still. We asked it to speak, threatened it, ect. I tried too see if it was real. It was, It tried to eat my brain, but the dm ruled we killed with our awesome-ness.

Dr Bwaa
2008-06-07, 03:07 PM
well, there was the time my players were exploring an ancient, sunken (very ancient) mage academy, when they came upon the Laboratory. Immediately the spellcasters feel exceptionally uncomfortable, as this Laboratory is a dead magic zone. There are tables and counters and so on, and lots of alchemical equipment, some still intact, much on the floor, leaking out of long-shattered bottles and so on. The place is a mess, though they do see several lab journals on desks--and three gelatinous cubes about thirty feet away.
Now, this is a party of about seven people at this time, a cleric, a druid, a warlock, a rogue, a wizard, a monk, a barb... you get the picture. Everyone's here, and about ECL 8. They can take the Cubes, even without any magic (they have a druid, don't they? Oh, forgot to mention the druid's animal companion, who is a badger wearing mithral barding and has like 27 AC, because the druid won't spend any money on himself, but had 10K gold to spare).

So, what does the druid do? After I've described the whole scene to them (it's dark, but they have torches and half of them have darkvision anyway), he asks,
"So there are lots of chemicals and stuff all over the floor?"
"Yup."
"Look magicky, dangerous?"
"Probably, you can roll for it if you want."
"Nah. I throw my torch to the ground on the biggest pool of volatile chemicals I can see."
"...Oh."

He nearly killed himself and the wizard with the resulting fireball; the rogue with the negative con mod has fire res luckily and doesn't quite die. All the cubes melt, as do the important documents that they (well, the wizard, anyway) are still (months later in real life and in-game) wishing they'd kept.

drengnikrafe
2008-06-07, 10:12 PM
8th level party.

DM (Me): The purple worm falls to the ground. A nearby owl swoops down, and begins picking at the tail.
Elon (Monk with 10 ft reach): How high is the owl flying?
DM: It's landed.
Elon: When it was flying, how high was it flying?
DM: I dunno... 6, maybe 7 feet?
Elon: I punch it.
DM: You WHAT?
Elon: I punch the owl as it flies by!
DM:..... make an attack roll.
Elon: I got a 26.
DM:... make a damage roll.
Elon: -rolls- 21.
DM: The owl falls to the ground, a bloody pulp. It stabilizes at -9.
Elon: I pick it's feathers.
DM: That'll kill it!
Elon: I know.
DM: ... the owl dies.
(I attacked him with a group of owl supporters right before he fell asleep in the inn. They were in a bandit town, and the sign DID say "Walk Righte Inn: We probably won't steal your stuff... probably.")

It was just cruel.

Lycan 01
2008-06-07, 10:46 PM
Played Arkham Horror earlier... (D6-based Cthulhu boardgame) Had some odd experiences.

Tweaking the rules, I replaced Cthulhu's usual effects (Max San and Stam - 1) with something new... Essentially, through random dice rolls, I selected one player to be the "Possessed" player. Whenever they had the "First Player" marker, they had to go insane as Cthulhu possessed their mind and forced them to attack their friends.

I cackled insanely as my GF's best friend suddenly went on a massacre, intent on killing everyone she could before her turn was up.

I stopped laughing when her first target was me. She cornered me in a store, and lit me up with a Tommy Gun. She rolled so many successes that I died instantly, and we decided that since I died so badly, I had to make a new character rather than go to the Hospital. It was then decided that she sawed my head off with machine gun fire, and kept my skull as a trophy...



I should be more careful with my ideas from now on... :smalleek:

Flickerdart
2008-06-07, 10:56 PM
Well, I haven't actually played that much D&D, but here's a tale of mild interest.

We were a level 10, extremely unoptimized party. I was the incredibly unoptimized Elf wizard, and we also had a Rogue, a Ranger and a Cleric of some evil god that didn't have any healing spells. A recipe for disaster? Yes indeedy.

So. Here we were, randomly on the plane of Mechanus, me Flying around and generally being awesome. We find this tower. I open the door, cast Light on a pebble and we all saunter inside. Of course, when we get up to the second floor, some sort of creature starts coming up the stairs. Then it sets itself on fire and keeps coming for us. So I Wall of Ice it...only to cut off our only way out.

We go up a floor and look for an exit...no balcony, nothing. The Rogue finds a chest, picks it open with a loose arrow and there's a Dire Spider inside...we kill it, and I get the idea to look UP. Lo and behold, a trapdoor. The rogue pulls it down...and it crushes him. We get him up and orderly, get up on the roof...the party starts climbing down, I botch my Climb check and tumble downward...the only bit of damage I took in the game.

Really, though, Wall of Ice was my best spell that game. It does everything.

Ulrichomega
2008-06-07, 10:56 PM
A group that I used to hang out with captured a goblin when they were at lvl. 1. They offered him huge fortunes for working for them, and named him Stabby. So they went on adventures, and gave this guy a dagger and some armor. He was used to set off traps, and always managed to survive. They leveled up and got to level, I think, 16. The goblin had also been gaining levels (unbeknownst to them). He had gotten levels in rouge and had prestiged to assasin. He left.

When the party reaches level 18, they are tracked by an assasin, when he goes to death attack the fighter, two other assasins jump out and knock him unconcious. They say to the party "Stabby doesn't like rouge assasins working on his turf, and he says hi." and they left the party there.

Pretty funny.

Lycan 01
2008-06-07, 11:00 PM
That kinda makes me wish we'd left Ted alive... :smalltongue:

Kish
2008-06-07, 11:24 PM
That kinda makes me wish we'd left Ted alive... :smalltongue:
Was your character's name Barius, by chance?

Lycan 01
2008-06-07, 11:29 PM
Nope. Regdar, the pre-made human fighter who I felt much contempt for until he turned out to be the walking death machine for our party... I just prefer being a sneaky little bugger instead of a front-line sword-swinger...


OOPS!!!

drengnikrafe
2008-06-07, 11:32 PM
Nope. Regdar, the pre-made human fighter who I felt much contempt for until he turned out to be the walking death machine for our party... I just prefer being a sneaky little bugger instead of a front-line sword-swinger...


OOPS!

Thank you for fixing that.

Lycan 01
2008-06-07, 11:34 PM
OOPS!!! >.< I got side-tracked, and when I came back to this window, I thought I was in another thread... Oops... My bad. :smallfrown:

Grommen
2008-06-07, 11:44 PM
Ok so were back to Shadowrun'ing again. Last weekend we took a job babysitting Grandpa Gambino's Niece. (Yes he is the main Mob Don in Seattle in my world). The players really didn't want to do the job but some times "Grandpa makes and offer you just can't refuse".

The party finds themselves at the "Fleetwood" dinner with kid in tact. The "Wood" is A greece spoon on the edge of the barons. As a great Jedi once said of such places "A more wretched hive of scum and villoney you'll not find". Sure enough the party realizes that they were being watched by a group of thugs. Two of them were sitting in a booth opposite the party and keeping a close eye on the girl. Our rigger is....Well he is good behind the wheel and with drones. Not so good with people or tactics or nearly anything else. Much to the chagrin of just about any sane person the rigger carries grenades on his person at all times. Not just little cute pineapple grenades, but good old fashion German made potato mashers. So he gets up to go take a wizz. Walks by the thugs in the booth and casually drops the grenade in their laps, pin pulled (let us not debate the intelligence of this move and just accept it as so).

The dice begin hitting the table, and plans are being made at light speed (Literally do to the over abundance of Wired Reflexes in this joint). I (the GM) give the Thugs and all the innocent bystanders in the place, a chance to survive by allowing the Thug/Street Sam a reaction roll to see if he can grab the grenade and hurl it out the window.

Unbenonced to me the Rigger planed to hurl himself out the same said window to avoid the blast.

Damm if both sides didn't succeed. :smallbiggrin:

metalshop
2008-06-07, 11:50 PM
Our party of 10th level characters is exploring a ruined temple and we find a locked chest. After getting it open we find that it is full of green vials. Our paladin (hereafter referred to as The Incompetent Paladin) takes one look at the potions and declares: "I drink one."

Bear in mind that we are in a Yuan-ti temple, dedicated to a poisonous snake god, in the middle of a swamp full of poisonous monsters, in a game being run by a DM who is (out of game) obsessed with snakes and poisonous reptiles.

The entire party (and the DM) stare at the Incompetent Paladin in utter shock for a count of ten. Then the DM asks: "Are you sure?" The Incompetent Paladin indicates that he is, in fact, sure. The DM tells him to roll a Fort save which he then goes on to fail (or rather succeed. the DM was using some funky poison where a success resulted in death and a failure resulted in several days of coma).

We (the rest of the party) must then spend our hard earned loot to bring him back to life, once we get back to town (no cleric in our group, for some reason).

tyckspoon
2008-06-08, 12:26 AM
The entire party (and the DM) stare at the Incompetent Paladin in utter shock for a count of ten. Then the DM asks: "Are you sure?" The Incompetent Paladin indicates that he is, in fact, sure. The DM tells him to roll a Fort save which he then goes on to fail (or rather succeed. the DM was using some funky poison where a success resulted in death and a failure resulted in several days of coma).


Oh, hey. Yuan-ti transformation juice. If you're lucky, it kills you (successful Fort save). If you're not lucky, it knocks you out and starts turning you into a part-snake yuan-ti servitor. I think you can save against that effect too, but the yuan-ti just keep you locked up and force-feed you more doses until it either kills you or transforms you.

JanusKain
2008-06-08, 02:43 AM
I was DM'ing and the 3 players were fighting a Shadow Dragon (3.0)

The fight was going terrible, so players 1 and 2 decide to jump into the treasure file and try to find something useful. They had already seen beads of force, so when they spot something that looks particularly similar to one they cast Identify. (I had pre-rolled the treasure, so I was just reading off the basic description of everything. I honestly didn't think anything of use was going to be in there). So they take the bead of force, and tie it up with some smoke powder (This was in Forgotten Realms, forgot to mention that.).

This is where it gets REALLY interesting.

The wizard casts Greater Mage hand on the bundle, and makes a called shot to do a ranged touch attack against the dragons anus. After much thought from me I decided that (just like a person would do), the dragon would "clench up". With the strength score of an Ancient Wyrm shadow dragon, it was pretty obvious that the bead would detonate.

So I ruled that the dragon is now howling in pain, ignoring the players for now. I thought that this would give them enough time to just run away, but no; they had more in store.

This is the time when player #3 decides to jump in on the action. He makes a called shot to the dragons mouth with a bag of jumping caltrops, and hits. Not sure what to do, but fairly certain that the damage reduction of a dragon probably didn't help against internal injuries and a shredded butt; I decided to just have the dragon bleed to death.

That was the last day splat books were ever allowed into my campaigns. And the last time I ran one in a world with gun powder.



This is one of the most impressive use of random equipment my players have used to make an encounter easier than it should be. But they have a long history of making my 6 hour sessions 2 hours long.

Agamid
2008-06-08, 09:19 AM
Back in my old game (the DM has it on hold until he can figure out a way for us to progress without destroying the world) we used to have this half-orc Fighter named Rik-tig and played by my little brother, my sociopath of a moon Elven ranger, and our friend's human cleric (7 years on and mine's the only original character!).
At one point we had several days to kill in this town, i forget why, probably getting weapons made or something, but anyway, we decided to go off and do a bit of hunting, maybe sell the meat and make a bit of money.
So the DM had us all roll appropriate checks for tracking and bringing down our prey.
I end up with an impressive stag, the cleric gets a doe and poor Rik-tig rolls so badly that all he manages to find is a badger hole.

Being the savvy creature that he was he sets up a trap above the badger hole using a noose and trail-rations and, amazingly, manages to catch one, but he knows there's another and gets frustrated and sticks his hand down the hole to try and grab it.
The DM rolls an attack for the badger, gets a 20, then another, then a third 20 (instant kill). He rules, that he manages to run screaming and bleeding back to town and get to the town guards before he passes out from blood loss.
Rik-tig never lived it down, and developed a rabid fear of badgers after that, thus i was banned from ever summoning one.

Eldariel
2008-06-08, 09:30 AM
We had a party that replaced Orcus's messenger to a meeting arranged by Lolth. When we were asked for our stance on the whole plan of 'combining all the underworlds and conquering the world', our party said "Yes" without a second thought. The DM's reaction was gold.

"You say WHAT?!" Of course, we still slew the envoy and so on, but that was comedy gold!

Zim
2008-06-08, 12:06 PM
My group (3rd level, mostly PHB2 classes, mostly human, some Pathfinder Alpha playtests mixed in) was investigating a notorious alley in town. See, a plague had broken out and we were asked to check out this alley (usually full of the poorest of the poor) to make sure nobody was using it as a dumping ground for bodies. The alley was narrow and dark and it was approaching dusk.

So, about 6 blocks down (long alley), we're jumped by a bunch of Nosferatu, who we manage to drive off for a minute using turn undead. We find a secret entrance to their lair and investigate. The place is a run-down toyshop filled with the most horrid selection of children's toys I've ever pretended to see. Tim Burton couldn't have made it creepier. Deformed dolls with mismatched glass eyes, toy soldiers with deformed limbs, rickety ships, misshapen stuffed animals...you name it.

So, as we're checking out the joint for clues (and the cashbox -we're no charity organization), the vampires recover from their turning. They come pouring in through the shop back and start whomping us. We normally don't have weapons built to harm them (wood + piercing), so we start hucking wooden toys at them. A toy soldier's pointy helmet pieces one's shoulder, another is brought down by the knight's broken mop handle and a rack used to hold dolls (pointy as heck!).

In the midst of this exchange of flying mayhem, my character remarks "Boy, these toys are REALLY unsafe!" After that, we had a hard trying to stop laughing long enough to roll to hit.

Darkantra
2008-06-08, 01:25 PM
Some friends of mine were playing a modern D&D game that took place in a small suburb in North Dakota. The party was a basic set, wizard, bard, fighter and cleric, but with guns of course. The wizard chose to have a shotgun, even though he had horrible stats for it.

They were hired by a government to find out why there were so many gas leaks in the area. The whole thing was actually a test by the government to see how skilled the group was, there were cameras all over the neighborhood and operatives in place to see them act in a real setting. For that reason, the DM was wearing a huge smile for the entire session.

DM: So you're in the suburb, but you don't really have any intel, what do you do?
Cleric: Let's split up and go door to door, pick up some stories, then cross-reference them to try and find a lead. Sound good guys?
All: Sure
DM: All right (begins describing that they all meet fairly bland people). Wizard though, you knock on the door of a blue painted house and after almost a minute of waiting a woman opens the door. "Hello? I hope this won't take long I'm cooking dinner." She looks pretty flustered.
Wizard: "Hello ma'am, I'm from the uh... the gas company, there have been leaks all over the place and I'm here to check your appliances for problems." rolls a partially successful bluff check
DM: She looks at you in confusion, "But I don't have any gas appliances, they're all electric."
Wizard: "Uh... well there's a gas main running through your back yard anyways so I'll have to come in to see if it's leaked into your house at all." rolls another bluff check, but fails.
DM: "Hmm... fine, just show me your badge."
Wizard: "Badge? What badge?"
DM: "You're kidding, right? The gas company's employees all carry those identification cards. Just show me yours and I'll let you in."
Wizard:"..."
DM: Well? What are you going to do?
Wizard: I draw my shotgun, point it at her and yell, "BACK AWAY FROM THE DOOR RIGHT NOW B*&%^!!!"
Everyone: WHAT?!

The wizard ended up tying her to a chair and threatening her for a good part of the session while the rest of the party did their jobs, and found out that it was the neighbor of the woman who had been selling propane tanks to suspicious people from his backyard, and that one person had seen him digging in his back yard to hit the main. The wizard's player had missed most of this while he went to the bathroom, but he came back just in time to screw everything up again.

The wizard chose this moment to walk into the woman's backyard to see her neighbor run into his shed, shooting across his backyard at the rest of the party.

Wizard: Damn, is there another way into this shed?
DM: Yes, you can see that the woman's yard has an entrance to the shed, but it's locked by a padlock.
Wizard: All right, I run up and shoot the lock off of the door.
Cleric: Oh dammit no...

The DM rolled, and told the party the entire shed exploded in a huge fireball. The wizard's shot had gone wild from the recoil and had blown through the wall of the shed and into a pile of very full propane tanks. The wizard went to -9 and immediately stabilized. The bad guy was blown to bits, the gas main was damaged and the company was forced to shut down the lines for the entire area. Needless to say, the government was pissed off at their performance and basically put them into indentured servitude rather than face all the charges for trespass, destruction of property and unlawful imprisonment to name a few.

Oh, but when the party freed the woman with the unconscious (they healed him enough but the fighter immediately punched him into unconsciousness afterwards) wizard in tow the bard managed a natural twenty on the bluff check to convince her that they were part of homeland security and that it was all a test :smallbiggrin:.

Lycan 01
2008-06-08, 01:58 PM
ROFL!!! Poor wizard...


I love the stories where people just do the most random and bizarre things. Stuff you just wouldn't expect... Like point a shotgun at an innocent person, or down a random vial of something that is probably poison, or force an weak enemy to join their team... That is what makes all of these games worth playing, IMO.

Darkantra
2008-06-08, 02:26 PM
Yep, every game has a solid gem where the player honestly thought that the action would work out for them.

I was DMing another game where a 2nd level party of three, Psychic Warrior Fighter/Wizard and Druid were contracted to get rid of a goblin tribe. The town already had some trouble with poor harvests from an unusually dry season, and the captain of the guard warned the party point-blank that parts of the forest could go up really quickly.

They were on their way out of town and on a forest path when they ran into an encounter that I had set up.

Me: The path that your on seems like it used to be an old animal track, now overgrown but not enough to make your progress any harder. Just like the captain had said the drought has turned much of what might have been healthy undergrowth into thin stalks and blades of grey and brown dry matter. Alright everyone roll your spot checks.
*all high rolls, my goblin scout rolls a 3 on his hide*
Me: Up in a tree approximately twenty feet up and twenty feet down the trail from you, you notice a small yellowed goblin waving down to something beneath him.
Psychic Warrior: Does he see us? *rolls a sense motive*
Me: Good roll. Yes he does, but it's clear that he doesn't know that you have seen him.
Druid: I turn my back on him and act like I'm starting a conversation with everyone else. *rolls a bluff, which succeeded*
Me: Hmm alright, so what now?
Druid: I cast Produce Flame, then whip around and throw it at the goblin.
Me: *bursting to remind them of the dryness, but I smirk instead* Alright, before the goblin has any time to react you spin on your heel and throw the flaming sphere right at him, he's caught completely by surprise.
Druid: *rolls the attack* w00t! Critical! *makes the confirmation and rolls just shy of max damage.
Me: *sigh* The ball of flame smacks directly into the goblin's mouth, just as he was about to yell out something. Dead and with a burning head he falls to the undergrowth with a loud thump.
Fighter/Wizard: Alright, now I...
Me: Not so fast *grinning*, right when the goblin lands another six jump up, one of them already on fire and screaming as it tries to put it out. The base of the tree is already wreathed with flames as the on-fire-corpse falls into the DRY UNDERBRUSH below.
Psychic Warrior: ... oh crap.


The party escaped by running out of the forest at full tilt, but still had caused the destruction of a good 20 acres of forest, where most of the town's food was coming from since their crops were doing poorly. The druid narrowly avoided loosing his powers by, in a stroke of brilliance, claiming that the fire was necessary to ensure that the next generation of plants be well fertilized and healthy :smallamused:.

evisiron
2008-06-08, 06:01 PM
Oh please, Dankatra, keep posting. These are fantastic! :smallbiggrin:

Lycan 01
2008-06-08, 06:26 PM
Indeed. More, more! :smallbiggrin:

Deth Muncher
2008-06-08, 06:56 PM
Oooh, ooh, okay, first day of our Sandstorm campaign. My party splits up to go wander about town. We've got a Blind Bhuka Bard, an Human Ashworm Dragoon/Paladin, Half-Dragon Fighter, Bhuka Sorceror/Sandshaper, Elf Swashbuckler/somethingsomething, myself, a Human Sorceror/Force Missile Mage. We all get pickpoceted. Excessively. To the point where my Bag of Holding was replaced by a leather rucksack full of socks. In fact, our Bard had been outside of a bar singing for money, and his cup stolen, to which he started yelling and threatening people, injuring a civillian, and pissing off the guards. It was only with a natural twenty from our Sandshaper that he got away, but the Bard swore revenge on the thieves. We eventually find out that the thieves have been bothering lots of people, and, finally, we find that it's a pair of Asherati. We eventually manage to spot one running away, and we all charge off through the town, through crowds of market dwellers and into alleyways. Our Swashbuckler sees an Asherati jump into a patch of sand and dissappear. We all get there shortly after, and our Swashbuckler decides to jump in after him (he's got Sandswimming). He runs headfirst into a door. He opens the door, not checking it for traps, and succeeds on a reflex save, saving him from a fireball and glass shards spewing at him. He tumbles into the room, the door slams behind him, and he gets stabulated by the two Asherati. It end up where everyone but me is in the room, and the Asherati (there ended up being 3 or 4) were dead.

Here's where it gets interesting.

All throughout the battle, the Bard yells "Keep one of them alive!" Once they were dead, and one of them knocked to -9, the Bard says to our AD/Pal "Hey, go check outside so we don't get ambushed, okay?" He complies, and the Bard proceeds to pluck the eyes out of the living Asherati, as well as one of the dead ones. His reasoning? He took the trait Vindictive, and decided that since they stole from him, he should steal from them, and blindness is his schtick.

seregsarn
2008-06-08, 07:23 PM
On my party's first adventure, they discovered that their various talents worked well together, and they developed a number of habits that they repeatedly came back to later on, combining their skills to good effect.

Among other things, they concluded their first adventure by literally kicking in the door of the den of a group of bandits who had been causing trouble. The six-foot-ten half-orc fighter naturally lead the charge, since he was the one who broke down the door. As the rest of the party fanned out to engage the miscellaneous thugs, he opted for the dramatic; he charged straight into the room, and made to leap over the table in the middle of the room and tackle the leader, a midlevel rogue. He made the jump but flubbed the attack, so I ruled that he ended up basically just leaping over the table and landing on the bandit leader's chest.

This was the point at which the wizard busted out his prepared enlarge person spell.

A 430-odd pound half-orc fighter under the effects of enlarge person weighs a little over 3.5 tons. A human rib has a bending strength of somewhere around 150 psi, and if you ignore the skin and soft tissue which provides negligible support, your average human ribcage presents a relatively small surface area across which to spread weight.

What happened next is left as an exercise for the reader.

Deth Muncher
2008-06-08, 07:26 PM
:smalleek:
On my party's first adventure, they discovered that their various talents worked well together, and they developed a number of habits that they repeatedly came back to later on, combining their skills to good effect.

Among other things, they concluded their first adventure by literally kicking in the door of the den of a group of bandits who had been causing trouble. The six-foot-ten half-orc fighter naturally lead the charge, since he was the one who broke down the door. As the rest of the party fanned out to engage the miscellaneous thugs, he opted for the dramatic; he charged straight into the room, and made to leap over the table in the middle of the room and tackle the leader, a midlevel rogue. He made the jump but flubbed the attack, so I ruled that he ended up basically just leaping over the table and landing on the bandit leader's chest.

This was the point at which the wizard busted out his prepared enlarge person spell.

A 430-odd pound half-orc fighter under the effects of enlarge person weighs a little over 3.5 tons. A human rib has a bending strength of somewhere around 150 psi, and if you ignore the skin and soft tissue which provides negligible support, your average human ribcage presents a relatively small surface area across which to spread weight.

What happened next is left as an exercise for the reader.

...the only thing that comes to mind is SPLAT, over and over again.

DO NOT WANT.

Lycan 01
2008-06-08, 08:43 PM
My thoughts on the massive Orc of doom, in order that they went through my head:

-CRUNCH!!! SPLAT!!! EWWW!!!

-Ergh... *cring* :smalleek:

-Hm... Belkar's Extra Chunky Kobold Salsa...

Agamid
2008-06-08, 10:47 PM
I'll never forget how most of our party in my old fantasy dnd game met.

We were, Rik-tig the half-orc fighter, Linkchvary the Moon Elven Ranger, Sirus the human Cleric of Garagose (spell??) and Tibs the Human sorcerer. And the 'human' psion NPC Marduk.
We were all sitting in an inn in the a tiny little town called Homlet and most us were getting quite sozzled after our very long journeys.

Marduk and Rik-tig are sitting up in the mezzanine level of the inn and for quite a while Marduk has been trying, and failing, to provoke Rik-tig into throwing a punch.
Marduk (in an exasperated tone) Can't you see I'm trying to pick a fight with you, you stupid green-skin?!
Rik-tig Them's fighin' words.
He then punches the NPC out with one hit, sending him falling into someone else's drink, which of course kick-starts a inn-wide brawl.
To try and control or stop the fight Sirus casts create water over the whole fight, causing water damage to the inn (which we have to pay for later).
Tibs and Linkchvary take this opportunity to slip out without paying for our drinks and meals and thus, find the plot hook (that those injured in the bar fight would have found once they'd been taken to the temple for healing and sobering up).

Of course, after paying for the repairs on the inn, it went and burned down a few weeks later and my Elf was blamed.
Funny thing about that village, they all hated and mistrusted my Elf (except for some of the woman, who were always after him) but LOVED the half-orc.
When we returned as heros to it all of the village children had made banners for him that read "Rik-tar".
When he corrected one of their parents that in fact it was "Rik-tig" he replied with "No think I you'll find it's Rik-tar."

Darkantra
2008-06-09, 12:45 AM
Ah, I've been away from my computer most of the day and didn't realize that I had an audience. Stories away!

This one is from another friend's game, in which the party had stopped for the night in a fair sized town, the centre of the duchy in that area. It was late so each party member split off to do a different task before meeting at the inn. The paladin went to secure their rooms, the drow swashbuckler went for a drink, the wizard went off to pray at his deity's temple and the thief decided to go rob people. Big mistake.

He sneaks around town until he finds a larger than average house, and through the windows he can see that it's well furnished. The thief picks the lock and gets one step into the house before a dart hits him, slowing him. The owner, a beefy merchant, comes rushing down the stair and starts swinging at the rogue with a club. The rogue runs back out into the street, trying to defend himself from the merchant, when the paladin turns the corner and sees the scene.

The rogue takes a nasty hit from the club and seeing that the paladin roars and charge leap-attacks the man who hurt his comrade. SCHWING, and the merchant falls into two nice pieces. This, of course severely pissed off the off-duty watchmen further up the opposite side of the street, and so they draw their blades and run at the two adventurers shouting at them to throw down their weapons.

The rogue UMDs a wand of fireball and blasts all but one of the guards to death, setting fire to a couple of houses in the process. The wizard hears the blast and runs out of the church, trying to find the disturbance. While the paladin and thief are fighting off more waves of guards and angry citizens the wizard comes to the outskirts of the crowd and tries to work his way through. Then one of the commoners recognizes him as part of the party and makes a grab for him, which the wizard fights off then starts casting sleep spells all around him until the mob overcomes him.

Just a few blocks away everyone in the bar jumps at the sound of the explosion and most rush outside to see what's going on. The swashbuckler sits still with his boots on a chair until most of the tavern is empty, and then declares that he's going to go out the back door and start a fire. He runs back to the common room and starts yelling at the bar owner that the town is under attack and that the neighborhood is up in flames. After a couple of good bluff checks he has the man freaking out and asking what he should do. The swashbuckler's response?

"Quickly! Get all your valuables from the safe and escape! I'll watch the store to make sure that you aren't attacked."

Another incredible bluff check gets the man to do exactly that, and right after his safe is open the swashbuckler knocks him out. Snickering at his perfect plan he walks right out the front door with a big sack of loot to come face to face with an enforced patrol of guards with war mages from the duke's own forces. His response?

"Hi... I'm just helping the bar guy move his stuff."

Complete bluff failure. The four are eventually rounded up and brought up on every charge that the duchy can come up with. The paladin pledges to serve the duchy until his dying breath, or the end of his debt. The wizard and thief reluctantly agree to the same terms but the swashbuckler protests that the valuables were actually his, and that he was merely trying to move them out of harms way. He kept insisting that, and it got so bad that the thief sub-dual sneak-attacked him then made his limp head move like a puppet to say, "I agree."

Darkantra
2008-06-09, 01:45 AM
I thought that I'd separate them to save on eye strain :smalltongue: so here's another one.

A small tale, of a barbarian who tried to bull rush a housecat. The party was going to a cottage house of a retired law clerk, who had become quite a well-versed historian after he retired. They needed to look at a book that he was supposed to have so they trekked up to his house. Unbeknownst to them the old guy was out on a stroll when they called (thank you random NPC behavior rolls :smallamused:), so they decide to sneak in and grab the book, hoping to get away with it quickly. The thief made her Open Lock roll then the event happened...

DM: "When you open the door you hear a plaintive meow at your feet. When you look down you see a large tabby cat purring at you.
Ranger: Aww cute, I'll try a Wild Emp-
Barbarian: "Yargh! There's no time for this, I'm going to go right in!" Gorf yells. I'm going to bull rush that cat. *rolls high
DM: Oooohkay... *rolls for the heck of it* The cat lets out a hiss just as you push it heavily with your legs and starts to go crazy, you can go at least 10 ft here, what's your plan?
Barbarian: Haha, Gorf's going to push that cat as far as he can!
DM:Thought you'd say that... as Gorf pushes the cat into the house it's hissing and screeching suddenly seems multiplied as more than a dozen cats rush at him to help their sibling.
Barbarian: Pfft, cats, they're the reason why I have great cleave.
DM: *smirks and rolls many die* Alright, seven of the cats manage to claw your legs and feet as you tromp through the front of the house, so you take 7 damage. Roll initiative please.
Barbarian: Like it matters *rolls a 2*, the first attack I get they're all going down.
Ranger: I'm not even going to do anything I'm so dumb-struck.
Everyone Else: Yeah, us too.
DM: *rolls cat Initiative and smiles* All of the cats beat your roll and in a fury of small claws and teeth they attack *begins rolling*
*keeps rolling*
*goes on rolling*
Barbarian: Uh, what are you doing?
DM: *still rolling* well there are thirteen cats in this house, old guy likes his cats. Since they were all within 5 or 10 feet of you anyways they can take a 5 foot step, and two can occupy the same space, *rolls some more and begins tallying* so they all get full attacks against you for a total of 39 separate attacks. *Ahem*, in a great flurry of spitting and hissing the cats leap and bound around you to bring their teeth and claws to bear on your unprotected areas. You take 28 damage from the assault.
Barbarian:...
Everyone Else:...
Ranger: *starts laughing* No way in hell I'm making a wild empathy check now!

The barbarian ended up fleeing the house after missing his attack, taking another six damage from the cats from AoO, before the others could slam the door and bar the ball of cat fury from killing their comrade. They did get to look at the book in the end, but the barbarian had developed a crippling fear of cats and couldn't even set foot in the house.

Lycan 01
2008-06-09, 02:19 PM
Wow. Just... wow. I only hope that my group does as much crazy stuff as yours when we start playing.

More stories, please? :smallsmile:

Bonecrusher Doc
2008-06-09, 02:58 PM
This story shows how taking one's time to craft a well-written post in a PbP game can be problematic if you have reckless co-adventurers.
************************************************** ***
The young son of the master of the Adventurers' Guild walks into the Common Room of the guildhall.

Boy: "Hey, look at this wooden box an old lady gave me for you - she says it's a welcome to the neighborhood present."

Cleric (takes the box): "Hm, heavy! Who would care to do the honors?

Fighter: "You can do it."

Bard: "A gift for us? Well go on, open it, so we can see what we've been given!"

DM: You will need to pry apart the pieces of wood that are loosely nailed together. There is no lid or buckle or anything like that.

(time passes between posts)

Bard: "On second thought, I will open it for it seems that I may be the only one of us so excited to know the contents." He sits in front of the box at the table and begins to pry it open, trying to figure out what it is even before he gets it fully opened.

DM: Bard pries at the box in front of him as he sits at the table, Cleric and Boy standing next to him, and Fighter sipping his beer nearby. After a good tug, you hear the squeak of the nails sliding...and the subtle sound of something ripping? An instant later, an explosion rocks the Common Room. A flaming substance blows out of the box, directly at Bard's head, but also spraying Cleric, Boy, and Fighter.

Cleric (posted too late): The priest places a firm hand on the bard's shoulder. "Hold, friend. Give me but a moment before you reveal the contents."
Placing his calloused hand about the silver warhammer holy symbol hanging from the chain at his neck, the cleric gazes heavenward, raising his other hand, palm upwards. "Morrow, Lord of Righteous Defense, bless your servant with the vision to see beyond the veneer of the mundane!"
Faint energy hums through the cleric's palm, traveling through his arm. His eyes gleam cerulean momentarily, and he turns his gaze upon the box, narrowing his eyes as he attempts to look through the wood and beyond.

DM: The flames on Cleric and Boy quickly die out, but Fighter's sleeve catches on fire, and Bard screams as his hair bursts into flame. Bard slumps out of his chair and onto the floor, unconscious and still burning.
************************************************** ***
At least there's a happy ending to this story, and it involves beer.
************************************************** ***
Cleric: Placing his calloused hand about the silver warhammer holy symbol hanging from the chain at his neck, Cleric gazes heavenward, raising his other hand, palm upwards. "Morrow, bless this servant with the grace to relieve this man's ills!"
Faint energy hums through Cleric's palm, a cerulean mist swirling about his fingers. As he kneels by Bard and places his palm against the youth's chest, with his other hand, he pours Bard's tankard over his head to quench the flames.

DM: There is a hiss of steam as Cleric "baptizes" Bard with ale, extinguishing the flames. The badly injured man is bathed in the light of divine magic until his facial wounds close and heal, leaving only a badly burned scalp and charred hair. Bard does not become conscious, but his breaths are now peaceful.

evisiron
2008-06-09, 04:06 PM
Hahaha, that cat one was classic. It appears that the Commoners are not the only ones who need fear the tiny balls of fuzzy death! :smallbiggrin:

*Crosses legs and sits on floor, waiting for more stories with an expectant smile* :smallsmile:

Carrion_Humanoid
2008-06-09, 04:12 PM
Its me and a bunch of my players playing Zombies(D20 Modern). The Group is sneaking into a fortified church, which is filled with cultists ready to kill and die for the 'Advancing of the New Race.'

First, they drive down the street going at break-neck speeds and lob some grenades into the building and the driver, Dexter, Fails his drive check to stop and the car rolls. Four cultists begin to go into their places and fire at the car as the rest of the group charge in, spending almost two rounds breaking down the door. They get in, they kill.

Dexter then descends down the staircase, hearing the chants like 'Hail Ivan! Hail the Lord!' he however, decides to only listen to the Lord, puts on a robe and being an Uber-Christian sneaks into the crowd, he then proceeds to chant 'Praise God, Thank the lord! 4:21!' and such in a room of 17 cultists wielding bats, crowbars, mossbergs, axes, uzis, AK's, RPD's, RPK's, M16's, M203's, Sauer's, Tec-9's and so on and so forth.

Kaboom.

McClintock
2008-06-09, 04:20 PM
This is a poem my halfling bard wrote after our first 3.0 adventure


The Tale of the
Guardians Three
by: Shane Underbough,Halfling Bard Extrodinaire
While travelling on a road, not so long ago,
When the name of Shane Underbough,
was still quite unknown,
I happened upon a fellow, at rest under a tree
sitting in a wagon, in need of a bit-o-glee.
After his acquaintance I had made,
and upon my song his attention was paid.
to me a meal and a deal he had laid.
And that was quite intresstin indeed.

He told a tale of a small quest,
and of gold earned from his master’s request.
I asked of him, if with danger it was fraught?
He answered “Why yes Shane, is that what you’ve sought?”
I responded, ”Surely good sir, for I do fear not.”
To him an amulet he seeks we should bring.
And we’ll be paid in gold for our trouble over the thing.
While I questioned, prodded and dug for more clues,
upon us there came two tough looking dudes.
A ladd and a lassie all covered in blood,
the ladd, a barbarian, a strapping young stud.
The lass was a warrior, a diamond in the rough.
Both of who’s look told story enough.
Battle had been seen
and friends had been lost.
But the chateau, it was found,
as would the amulet too, at any cost.
To me with a strange smirk
had both of them looked,
And for this adventure,
I knew I was hooked.
I am a gleeman with happiness as my trade,
so with them I would go,
and my songs would be played.
As we discussed and argued and talked,
upon us a newcomer had carefully stalked.
About him he wore robes that marked him a wizard.
And upon his shoulder sat a bat....not a cat or a lizard.
With us could he come that was all that he asked,
and a chance to prove great magic was what he could cast.
So into the ruins of the town did we travel
and the names of my companions I soon did unravel.
The barbarian ladd , Artemis by name,
was as quick with his axe
or his bow just the same.
Our dangerous lass went by the name Diamond Lust,
but her friends called her Emerald,
this was a must.
With hair as red as any dwarf’’s hearth,
neither of her names could betray he true worth.
At last we come to the unknown hero,
The wizard who goes by name of Cyro.
He travels right now as a mage that is young,
but soon we’ll tell of all he has done.
We passed the day by in quiet repost,
moving quickly through a city as dead as a ghost.
Shortly before ---the set of the sun,
we reached our campsite, our journey was done
And so the final two men of our troupe I did meet,
so different from each other, our group was complete.
Zealous was a cleric who’s faith rested in a god,
and he acknowledged me with a simple nod.
The final man to round out this motley party
can only be described as very fool-hardy.
His name, that is Koma and by trade he’s a thief.
How he’s lived this long is simply beyond my belief.
That night we slept safely, hidden in our room,
with no fire to warm us, or drive back the gloom.

On the morrow we left to search the chateau.
But none of us knew that danger lurked below.
Once a grand home filled with happiness and love.
Now its just a rotting building that few still think of.
We entered the foyer , searching all around,
we found nothing except rubble lying on the ground.
Heading to the left, and then to the right,
we found nothing of interest, not even a fight.
Until we came to a room with dust near and far,
complete with a desk and even bar.
The bar provided us with some aged brandy, ‘tis true,
but the desk produced something far more useful.
I searched it through and fiddled with the locks,
but alas those were ones which I could not pop.
So over I called my large wild friend,
and this desk with his axe, I had him rend.
Out from its drawers its contents did spread,
and amongst all of it was a key made from lead.
The rest of our searching came up fruitless and cold,
until all of us ventured into the wine cellar’s hold.

Casks of wine, a thousand years aged,
and the taste was fine, for that I had gauged.
Although the wine’s taste had been so very superb,
it was the door on the wall by which I’s disturbed.
A door thrice my size and with iron it was bound
a place for my key I believed I had found.
But when place in the lock I heard not a click,
I had turned it around and it snapped like a stick.
Cyro the mage had thrown out some magic,
repaired it quite easily, it was not so tragic.
Koma the thief then stepped up nice and quick,
and replaced it in the lock with a smile and a wink.
He turned it to the left and the to the right,
and then the door was unlocked without even a fight.
Art’mis the barbarian pulled with all of his might
and the door gave up its secrets before the fall of the night.

So there we all stood, our mouths agape, eyes transfixed
for before us was a large treasure
and the three guardians it was betwixt.
To inspire my friends with courage, I had started to sing,
but it seemed to life the guardians was all it did bring.
Of frost and fire and thunder they were wrought,
and to my muscles coldness was soon to be brought.
Frozen I was, stuck in one place,
to the aid of my friends, I could not race.
Valiantly they fought one and all,
and one by one they all did fall.
Emerald went down first from the rage of fire,
Koma was next to raise its ire.
Our mage flew the coupe when he felt a jolt,
chased away he was by a poorly aimed bolt.
Art’mis held on through the aid of our priest,
healing his life as it was rended by beast.
With his arrows he slew thunder and frost,
freeing me from the prison in which I was lost.
I ran to the aid of Koma the thief,
hoping with us Art’mis could slay the last beast.
Koma drew its attention and went down in its path,
and I threw my dagger deep into its back.
Tossing and singing with all of my heart,
knowing if I died, a new adventure I would start.
It turned its rage and bore down on me,
I knew my only chance was to make haste and flee.
So into the coins I buried myself,
hoping beyond hope I could be as quiet as an elf.
Into the chamber it came with a crash,
intent on my body that it would soon smash.
Using the magic of bards lost long,
into the hall I through a ghost song.
Out it did race intent on my demise,
only with it gone did I then arise.
I searched high and low, I tore through that horde,
but all I could find was a great two-handed sword.

In the hall the barbarian had spent his last arrow,
he saw the fire coming,
and it chilled him to the marrow.
It saw him there, with his axe held high,
with the rage of fire it bore down with a cry,
and he saw his death coming by the look in its eye.
Into the hall I did charge,
with only one chance.
The sword tucked under my arm,
to be used as a lance.
I crashed in and I bashed,slicing deep into its flesh.
A mighty wound had I given it with my final breath.

The fire charged in with its dying force
intent on bringing down its final foe, of course.
But it knew not the fury it would soon face,
and Art’mis slew it in frenzied haste.
It bashed and gnashed with all of its might,
but it knew not its foe on this dark night.
“For Artemis the barbarian,” said Zealous the priest,
“Swung his axe mightily and defeated the beast.”



I awoke a bit later, much to my surprise
refreshed from my aches, being quite alive.
Of my companions none had met their demise,
thanks to the healing priest we did all survive.
We’ve lain claim to their treasure,
and found the amulet in the horde.
We now travel at our leisure,
and I’ve kept the sword.
We’re out to seek our fortune
and enjoy this truly beautiful world.


So if you hear my story, and listen to a word
Remember from me is the place where it was heard.....


When worst comes to worst,
and you have only one chance
You should trust in a halfling....
with a sword as a lance.

holywhippet
2008-06-09, 06:27 PM
I was DM'ing and the 3 players were fighting a Shadow Dragon (3.0)

The fight was going terrible, so players 1 and 2 decide to jump into the treasure file and try to find something useful. They had already seen beads of force, so when they spot something that looks particularly similar to one they cast Identify. (I had pre-rolled the treasure, so I was just reading off the basic description of everything. I honestly didn't think anything of use was going to be in there). So they take the bead of force, and tie it up with some smoke powder (This was in Forgotten Realms, forgot to mention that.).


?? Identify has something like an 8 hour casting time in 3.0. Were you using house rules or something?

A story given to me by my DM about another game he'd been running. The party had just finished a long dungeon crawl and exited a cave at the bottom of a cliff. They were suddenly surrounded by enemies. The DM expected them to surrender as they were low on resources. One player however took a look at the opposition and noted that they didn't have any ranged weapons. He drank a potion of spider climb, scaled the cliff then began firing arrows at the attackers. They tried throwing rocks at him, so he just climbed higher so he was out of range. They tried climbing up to get him, but failed their climb checks when he shop them. They tried getting up to the top of the cliff to attack them from above. He used a magical scroll they'd found with one of the Bigby's spells on it and knocked them from the top of the cliff.

Agamid
2008-07-05, 10:14 PM
Alright, the players in the game i'm DMing right now are trapped in a dwarven citadel that's being attacked by demons.
They discovered that one of the dwarves was in league with the demons and upon seeking him out discovered that he was wearing a obsession over a magical necklace that he wore.
Unknown to them was the fact that the necklace was a magical totem that had opened and was now keeping open the portal that the demons are coming through and the only way to close the portal is to destroy the necklace.

Leahkim(the monk): I snatch the necklace off him.
Me(DM): Alright. roll reflex.
*rolls* he passes.
Me: Okay, you get the necklace, what do you do now?
Leahkim: i swallow it!
Me: ... really...?
Leahkim: *nods*
Me: ... *looks up on internet how long it takes to pass a piece of leather through one's digestive system*

Crazy Scot
2008-07-07, 07:27 AM
I feel compelled to pass on this story, even though I was not there to see this played out. (One of my friends who was there told me about it.)

For those of you who underestimate the power of Magic Missile:
The DM had been running the group through a dungeon with a large number of undead, and the group had miraculously survived when they finally arrived at the end of their quest. They entered a large room to find a lich calmly looking at them. The lich told them he could see they were hurt, and would give them the chance to walk away without killing them. The group looks at each other knowing they are basically out of hit points, spells and healing. It doesn't take long for the wizard says something like "We will never get here again...I cast Magic Missile at him" (one of his last, if not the last, spell he had for the day). The DM proceeds to shake his head knowing how foolish this is, and then proceeds to tell the wizard that this area is a wild magic area. The DM proceeds to roll on the wild magic effects table and rolls..."effect lasts for 10 minutes".

10 minutes x 10 rounds per minute x (about) 3 missiles per round x (minimum) 2 dam per missile = (minimum) 600 damage!! :smallbiggrin:

The only time I have ever heard about that a boss was taken down with a single first level spell. Luckily, due to the luck of the wizard, they didn't have to worry about getting back to that point again. Yeah Magic Missile!

DigoDragon
2008-07-07, 08:58 AM
I remember running a campaign where the PC heroes were assulting the castle of this powerful cleric who was once a goddess eons ago and she was preparing to take back her godhood. At the front entrance the party meets their first "Miniboss" encounter- a party of evil wizards and clerics led by a warlock who was once an ally to the PCs.

Fight ensues and the party quickly gains the upper hand due to some good tactics around the party Druid and Ranger. Two-thirds the enemy forces are dropped quickly and the warlock is forcing a withdrawl for the remainder bad guys. The warlock takes to the air for his own escape. Then the Druid changes tactis.

Druid: "I cast Shapechange into a red dragon."
DM: "And... wait, what?"
Druid: "I cast Shapechange into a red dragon."
DM: "You do realize you're fighting a warlock right?"
Druid: "I know exactly what I'm doing."

Well he aparently didn't because a Warlock's main ability is Eldritch Blast- A ranged touch attack at will. The Druid uses up his turn to fly up to the Warlock. The Warlock then attacks with his ability and scores a Critical Hit against the Druid's touch armor class (Which was about a 4).

Druid gets dropped (literally) and hits the ground at -7 HP. The Ranger tries to race to stablize him because the party Cleric is too far to reach him before the bad guys do. The Ranger incurs two Attacks of Opportunity along the way which result in dropping him to -3 HP. With both of them down, the bad guys suddenly have a surge in morale and push back, breaking up the party and whittling down thier hit points. The party manages to get to their fallen comrads and stablize them while the party Wizard teleports the team out of harms way into a safe plane.

Morale of the story: Think before you Shapeshift. :smallcool:

Signmaker
2008-07-07, 09:13 AM
Druid: "I cast Shapechange into a red dragon."
DM: "And... wait, what?"
Druid: "I cast Shapechange into a red dragon."
DM: "You do realize you're fighting a warlock right?"
Druid: "I know exactly what I'm doing."

Morale of the story: Think before you Shapeshift. :smallcool:

Wife: Honey, we're lost, let's ask for directions.
Husband: No, I know EXACTLY where we are.
Wife: But that sign says the interstate is in the other direction!
Husband: I've got the map, I know where I'm going.

Couple hours later...

valadil
2008-07-07, 10:46 AM
My PCs attacked the mafia headquarters to rescue the ranger's imaginary friend. In their defense nobody knew the imaginary friend was imaginary, even outside of game, and they had built him up to be the McGuffin.

mikeejimbo
2008-07-07, 12:47 PM
This is a poem my halfling bard wrote after our first 3.0 adventure


The Tale of the
Guardians Three
by: Shane Underbough,Halfling Bard Extrodinaire


That reminds me of the poem my Orc Bard wrote about our April Fool's quest. We were all pathetically useless characters, and the poem wasn't very good (He's an Orc, after all.)

187 lines broken up into 21 verses, with two extra supplemental verses thrown in by his nephew (because the Bard died in the end of the poem - he was writing it as he died. The last word he wrote was "orange" and if he hadn't been killed then, trying to find a rhyme would have.)

DigoDragon
2008-07-08, 07:42 AM
Couple hours later...

Heh heh, yeah it's like that. :smallsmile:
When the party successfully made its second assault they reached the inner chamber of the castle of the evil cleric. The BBEG was using a powerful crystal to collect divine energy for her ultimate spell to make herself a goddess again. The plan was simple:

Step 1: The Wizard opens up some ranged blast spells to get the BBEG's attention.
Step 2: The buffed Ranger and Cleric charge in and take out the minions.
Step 3: The Druid summons some allies and keeps the BBEG busy.
Step 4: The rogue sneaks to the crystal and destroys it with a Rod of Cancellation.
Step 5: Mop up the BBEG.

It was a sound plan and for the most part it was working. The Wizard was counterspelling the BBEG, the Ranger and cleric cut a swath into the ranks of the minions and the Rogue was one swing away from ending the evil plan.

Then the Druid caught a case of the dumb.

The Druid wildshaped into an air elemental, grabbed the crystal, and then fled the battle with the powerful relic thinking this idea was better. Without the Druid's help the plan started falling apart. The BBEG started knocking the wizard around with Telekinesis and the minions managed to regroup and hold the charge against the Ranger and Cleric. The Rogue went after the Druid, trying to get that Rod of Cancellation to connect.

Instead the crystal's energy became unstable and exploded, relocating part of the castle 500 feet into the air. The BBEG got away (She should have been slain) and several ally NPCs to the party didn't survive the explosion. The Druid believed what he did was right... but that didn't stop the party from obliterating him on the spot and then Teleporting his remains into the Abyss.

That Druid... sharp as a bowling ball.

Conners
2008-07-08, 10:10 AM
Instead the crystal's energy became unstable and exploded, relocating part of the castle 500 feet into the air. The BBEG got away (She should have been slain) and several ally NPCs to the party didn't survive the explosion. The Druid believed what he did was right... but that didn't stop the party from obliterating him on the spot and then Teleporting his remains into the Abyss.

That Druid... sharp as a bowling ball. Now THAT is justice... except maybe the "teleporting his remains to the abyss" part...

You guys have some great stories, I hope I'll be able to collect such hilarious memories. I'm planning on DM a Free-Roaming game, no rail-road plot. What would you guys say it's "hilarious-disaster" potential is (I hope it's high)?

xPANCAKEx
2008-07-09, 08:45 AM
obscenely high

Conners
2008-07-09, 08:48 AM
obscenely high Hooray :smallbiggrin:!! I'm considering giving minor bonus XP for crazy behaviour (not much, otherwise people will just get TOO crazy...).

Signmaker
2008-07-09, 09:15 AM
Hooray :smallbiggrin:!! I'm considering giving minor bonus XP for crazy behaviour (not much, otherwise people will just get TOO crazy...).

Throw in the occasional meme to get the mood going. Like, name the kingdom "Your Base". Use a weaker version of TDC, with a weak point one can hit for massive damage. etc.

Ascension
2008-07-09, 09:29 AM
We were on the upper level of a two-floor dungeon, and there was this pit in the floor of the main hall. Peering down into it, we couldn't see anything but a few scattered gold pieces, but there was a freaky strong magic aura coming off of it, so, despite the greed of our CN dwarf, we didn't go down there.

Later, while exploring another room on the upper level, we ran across a curious baby magmin who became infatuated with our dwarf. Unfortunately, the little guy was trying to follow us into a room full of explosives, so we had to come up with some way of dealing with him, fast. Now, I was a sorcerer, but I was trying to go the battlefield control/utility route, and I didn't have anything that could hurt the little fellow. Slow him down, maybe, but not hurt him. The non-magically-inclined members of the party refused to attack him for fear of getting their weapons melted.

Enter Tenser's Floating Disk. I got the dwarf to lure the magmin onto the disk, then had him keep it distracted while we made our way back to the main hall. I floated the disk out over the hole and dismissed it, dropping our magmin into the pit.

At this point, the DM starts rapidly flipping through every monster manual he's got. Then he starts rolling dice. Finally, with a dejected look on his face, he announces that I've ruined his dungeon. He had an ochre jelly down there, and due to the composition of our party he thought we'd have to beat it by making it divide itself to death. The magmin, however, could damage it directly, and the jelly, not having magical weapons, was affected by the magmin's damage resistance. The magmin we dropped down there killed the ochre jelly, removing the dungeon's "boss fight."

He was so mad he refused to give us experience for defeating the jelly, although that's exactly what we did, and he almost TPKed us with a vampire in the next session.

Squeeck
2008-07-09, 11:12 AM
Newbie roleplayers, first incarnation of WFRP, back in the day when Cobain was still alive:

Shadows Over Bogenhafen spoilers:
After some fun at the faire, romps in the local sewer, and contacts with shady characters, the PC:s come to the conclusion that a dangerous cult is operating in the town, and a terrible ritual is about to take place soon. Their unanimous conclusion: "We gotta get out of this place before something bad happens!" I tried to device some encounters to make them change their plans, but only managed to make them even more paranoid and scared. Eventually, they barely made their escape, only to witness the formation of a new gateway to the Realm of Chaos behind them, obliterating the town of Bogenhafen. And their reaction: They were actually complimenting eachother, genuinely relieved thet they had gotten away.

Well, it was time to wrap up for the evening. I had beforehand calculated the XP for stopping the ritual, and presented the figure to them, including a bonus Fate Point for a job of this magnitude. As they gleefully began to write it down, I then declared, that that much they would have gotten had they stopped the whole thing. As it was, I gave them a couple hundred XP for solving some clues, and general roleplay, but that's it. The looks on their faces were priceless. Only then did it dawn on them what heroes are supposed to do, even in a Grim and Perilous setting.

Noobs. You gotta love them. :smallbiggrin:

Well, they learned their lesson. And the rest of The Enemy Within, they shined.

Case
2008-07-09, 01:21 PM
Hero system fifth edition.

I've got quite a few of these almost all of them same guy sadly...

Okay 500 point game, high powered characters ect. Well one of the characters is called Steel he's pretty much the Incredible Hulk sllllliiiightly less powerful.

The guy playing Steel was fairly bored no villians were doing anything, it was a quiet night. So Steel decides to go and find some petty crime to go find and stop. Not a bad idea really, but it was the way he went about doing it. Imagine an unbelievably heavily muscled 8-9 foot tall man, wearing an old lady dress and wig carrying around a huge purse saying in a falsetto voice, "Oh my, this purse is soooo heavy I don't know how I can possibly carry aaaaall this money. Lots of money in my purse so it's soooo heavy."

Oddly enough nobody tried to mug him. So still bored he decides to go to the meanest, roughest, toughest biker bar in the city. Still in his old lady get-up I might add. He walks in lightly slapping the bikers on his way up to the bar, and when he gets up to the bar he orders the wussyest drink he can think of, a fuzzy navel. Well the bikers crowd around him intent on kicking his ass. His response? "Oh? Well, there seems to be alot of you. Just a word of advice real quick. If any of you just so happen to have like an RPG or something along those lines...NOW'S the time to use it. Just letting you know."

Blackfang108
2008-07-09, 02:41 PM
Druid: *rolls the attack* w00t! Critical! *makes the confirmation and rolls just shy of max damage.
Me: *sigh* The ball of flame smacks directly into the goblin's mouth, just as he was about to yell out something. Dead and with a burning head he falls to the undergrowth with a loud thump.
Fighter/Wizard: Alright, now I...
Me: Not so fast *grinning*, right when the goblin lands another six jump up, one of them already on fire and screaming as it tries to put it out. The base of the tree is already wreathed with flames as the on-fire-corpse falls into the DRY UNDERBRUSH below.
Psychic Warrior: ... oh crap.


This actually makes the THIRD Druid I have known to burn down a forest, and the second to get away with it.

The first time happened before I joined that particular campaign, and was a sheer "oops" on his part. He was fiddling with a wand which happened to make some sort of flame. He was able to keep his Druid status because it was a nearly dead forest.

In another campaign, the same player, as a different Druid, intentionally set fire to a woods to cut off the army that was chasing us. (a redshirt army, but we weren't much above Mauve shirts ourselves.)

It worked, mostly. The best part of that was the DM's description of the flaming animals running by after we made it out of that one.

Not only did the Druid lose his druid status for this, we also lost out on the reward for the quest.

SOB.

pyrefiend
2008-07-09, 10:46 PM
My friend's first campaign, and also the first dungeon. The party was made up of myself (a telepath), a bard and a warmage. We were just exploring our first dungeon when we found a couple potions on a shelf. We were low level, so this was a pretty big deal. My character had a very low wisdom and was also a professional chef, so he started adding flavoring to the potions. One of them started fizzing like crazy, so he added a whole cupful of flavoring and bound it up with rope, thus making what I thought would be some sort of crazy magic grenade.

So later on we're fighting gricks. Without a meatshield, the warmage was in front and was seriously getting beaten on by a big ol' grick in a very tight passageway. Realizing this was a perfect excuse to use my "grenade", I took it out and chucked it at the grick's face. It was a critical hit. Unfortunately, it was also a potion of greater bull's strength. We learned a lot about the grapple rules that day. :smalltongue:

Coplantor
2008-07-09, 11:04 PM
This are mine, first: I was trying to sneak into a rich family's house to get a precious golden statue to get membership of the thieves guild, guards spotted me and i realized that they did it so, my friend climbs a tree and leaves me in the mddle of the garden, so i decide to use my perform (interpretative dance) to act as the towns idiot and convince them that i was lost. I failed in ways you cant imagine. Completly sure that i could've got away if I had more ranks in perform i maximize that skill and has become like my signature skill for my character.

With the same friend and same characters we tried to convince the priests of the god of mercy that the god was actually a god of lust. We are not allowed in the temple anymore...

Once we found potions in a chest and decided to drink them all, some of them healed us, to check the effects of the other potions we stabbed each other just to be sure that they were protective potions... they were'nt...

To get revenge from the priests, once we got higher leves in casting classes we decided to do this, my friend used alter self so the priests opened the door, at that time I used invisibility to sneak inside, once inside i looked for the high priest, when i found him I lift his toga and used arcane mark in his behinds, then i runned outside!!!

nobodylovesyou4
2008-07-10, 12:40 AM
I have many, which i will put in different posts.

The oldest one occured in our very first DnD game ever, in which the party buildup was, among other things, a half-dragon fighter. The party was in a town which had succumbed to undeath, so everything in the place was from Libris Mortis.

The party finds themselves in a shop, and after searching through the baskets of fruit, find a dire maggot. The half-dragon decides to use his bite attack on the maggot. The DM (myself) ruled that this would institute a Fort save, which he rolled a one. He immedietly vomits, into the other fruit baskets, enraging even MORE dire maggots. They ended up fighting around 5 dire maggots at level 3.

nobodylovesyou4
2008-07-10, 12:47 AM
A more recent one happened when me, a goblin rogue, and his friend, a halfling swordsage, snuck into a guy's house to assassinate him (they were both training to be assassins). They found the mark, killed him and his wife, and went downstairs into his butcher shop, where they found a trapdoor. The halfling opened it and proceeded down with the goblin close behind. Immedietly, the rogue was shot with a poison dart and takes a few con damage. I'll be okay, he thinks, and continues onward. Three more poison darts later and he's down to 1 con. I manage to drag his ass out of the place and into the street. I knew i needed to get help, but I couldn't tell them how we got poisoned, so, rolling a bluff check, I shouted:
"HELP! THIS MAN HAS SUCCUMBED TO ALCOHOL POISONING!"
I looked at my dice: 20.

Same campaign, we were on a boat, trying to have some privacy to discuss a mutiny. However, the captain's loyal guards were standing not 20 feet away, listening. In an attempt to get rid of them, my goblin walks over and, in his best priestly tone, says,
"Can I talk to you about Erythnul?"
They left.

One more from the same game, our boat (same one from before, but we stole this one) is in combat with another boat, which we have every plan to commandeer when the battle is won. We were fighting valiantly, my goblin having been able to burn down their sails and the other successfully shooting holes in their flanks. The captain of our boat, a half-elf paladin, loads his cannonball and fires. He rolls a twenty, so he confirms his crit with another twenty. Not twenty, not twenty, he prays....... twenty.
KAABOOOMMM!!! This ship explodes in a huge fireball, sending splinters and sailors alike scattering throughout the waves. We all stared blankfaced for a while, until the DM finally chimed in, "Well. Guess you'll have to find a different boat!"

Conners
2008-07-10, 07:42 AM
The captain of our boat, a half-elf paladin, loads his cannonball and fires. He rolls a twenty, so he confirms his crit with another twenty. Not twenty, not twenty, he prays....... twenty.
KAABOOOMMM!!! This ship explodes in a huge fireball, sending splinters and sailors alike scattering throughout the waves. We all stared blankfaced for a while, until the DM finally chimed in, "Well. Guess you'll have to find a different boat!" In that situation, I'd think three twenties should guarantee that you do maximum damage to the enemy without harming the boat, considering a twenty basically means you succeeded flawlessly in whatever task you rolled for.

nobodylovesyou4
2008-07-10, 11:00 AM
actually, i think the DM was planning on that, but for some reason the players wanted the boat to explode. when the DM said it did, everyone but me cheered ><

metalshop
2008-08-18, 10:31 PM
Ok, this one happened recently, in a session where I was PCing.
The Setup:
The DM has our party (highly dysfunctional, and made up entirely of pirates) dock at a town which is being attacked by its own god.

They worship the god of enclosed spaces and for some reason have managed to piss him off so bad that he kills any person who is alone/unobserved in an enclosed space.

We go to negotiate, and figure out that the reason he is pissed is that his high priestess killed of the rest of his clergy in a fit of jealous rage when her little sister was sacrificed in order to become the god's eternal bride/meal in the afterlife (yuck! this session was heros of horror flavored in case you didn't twig to that already).

When we call her on it she stuffs the party leader into a magical box that leads to the god's divine realm, so that she (the party leader) can replace the priestess' sister as bride/meal.

Apparently, once a person goes in the box they can't come out until they are replaced by another sacrifice. Of course, our DM expected us to kick the high priestess' divine caster ass and then stuff her in the box.

This is where things get weird.

Now, in our party there is a crazy ****ing elf wizard. He's distantly descended from a drow, and his family still cleaves to all the drow ways while being statistically surface elves. I say he's crazy because he is a fearcaster (dreadwitch/nightmare spinner combo) that goes out of his ways to **** with EVERYTHING.

So he's a wizard that likes to mess with people and is simultaneously the most *****-whipped being in existence (the whole "worshiping Llolth" thing).

Instead of attacking, he starts to make a bargain with the priestess.
"Let us summon Lloth and ask her to go into the box in order to take the place of the bride," he said. "She's a bigger god than yours is and should have no trouble kicking his ass and doing to him what black widows do to their husbands on their wedding nights. If you give her the chance to eat a god, she should have no trouble giving you your sister and our leader back."

The high priestess says yes, we leave (since the all male party has no intention of being there when the supreme goddess of FemDom is summoned).
A little while later both the the leader and the younger sister totter out of the temple, none the worse for the wear.
On our trip back through town, we notice that all the villagers are still not going into houses, since they are infested top to bottom will all manner of nasty spider.

It's not until we are a good league out to sea that we start realizing that our wizard just gave Lloth a foothold on the surface and totally upset the theological power structure of the entire region.

Dr Bwaa
2008-08-18, 11:58 PM
Now THAT is justice... except maybe the "teleporting his remains to the abyss" part...

You guys have some great stories, I hope I'll be able to collect such hilarious memories. I'm planning on DM a Free-Roaming game, no rail-road plot. What would you guys say it's "hilarious-disaster" potential is (I hope it's high)?

Probably obscenely high. It does depend who you're playing with.

I just started a completely open-ended campaign with some friends from home, in the following manner:

CharGen:

DM: Okay guys, give me a good backstory, because you all start as level 1 commoners. No Joke. After 500 XP, you'll get to PC level 1. Do whatever, but I'd prefer no evil alignments.
PC1: I made a tactless outcast.
PC2: I made a druid (this is lowercase druid, the religion not the class)
PC3: I made a sadist. My character likes to watch things suffer.
PC4: I made a sociopath. My character's grandfather made a deal for immortal strength with a Pit Fiend, and now he has to murder someone every couple days or he wigs out.
DM: ...Oh.

Plotline:

A plague breaks out in your home town, while you're in the next town over for a wedding. Go.

This campaign has only gone for three sessions, but I think you can see that hilarity ensued. That's all the plot I've given them: a plague. Also, the campaign setting they're playing in is my homebrewed one, and it isn't even remotely finished yet, so that makes things even more exciting as I make stuff up on the fly as they go =D

Ravyn
2008-08-19, 01:32 AM
Exalted 1E. A meeting for breakfast has turned into a bit of a fight, and the Twilight's looking for a nonlethal solution to the issue. So he picks up one of the soggy waffles they've been eating, and chucks it at the foe. Who doesn't parry.

My assistant was begging me to make the damage on the waffle negative, but even after that he still managed to inflict three levels of Bashing. With a soggy waffle. We've been laughing at that ever since.

Elixia
2008-08-19, 10:07 AM
ahem *cracks knuckles*
I am a lvl 7 rogue/ lvl 3 montebank and i have:
*Been KO'ed by a door
*Been hit with a cupboard
*turned into a dire rat mid tumble, lost all my clothes, broke free of of the polymorph and had to scrabble in darkness to get my clothes back on.
*fell over my own shoelaces trying to sneak attack and fell on my blade.

celestialkin
2008-08-19, 10:45 AM
Well, I did one myself about a year back if that counts.

So, my elf character was captured by some drow priestesses (yeah I know, original). The party finally came to "rescue him", and they found him tied up in a stereotypical drow torture chamber/dominatrix chamber. When they went to untie him I said something on the lines "NO! That's fine, I'm OK.".

*Party is :smallconfused:

My character: "Actually, I kinda like it here, so please get out before the mistress comes back and catches you guys. Trust me, just go."

*Party is :smalleek:

The fighter then proceeds to kill him with a coup de grace. He called it a "mercy killing"...

MagpieWench
2008-08-19, 11:00 PM
Telling on myself here... Game before last, I used Flaming Brand against 2 Grell (and 40-odd undead lizard things) who were holding the leader of an allied group in their tentacles.

Yeah. What happens when you set afire floating creatures holding someone below them? The fall on the person. AND CONTINUE TO BURN.

Not my brightest moment. Thank Gods for healing potions :)

(in my defense, I was also dealing with a 15 month old trying to eat dice, so... I wasn't visualizing as well as I might have)

WalkingTarget
2008-08-20, 09:57 AM
1st Edition L5R.

The campaign had a lot of travelling. I mean a lot. As in, the GM eventually let us know that he didn't really have a plot for the whole thing, he just had us going from place to place and ran with whatever happened. Every time we crossed borders into another clan's territory we had to deal with the border guards and the associated bureaucracy. (don't get me wrong, the game was a ton of fun)

Eventually, when the errand we're getting sent on this time means we have to cross several borders we decide to just head to the coast and take a ship instead of riding the whole way.

There weren't rules for boats or anything like that in 1st edition.

The GM invented a skill for us which we've used in a joking sense ever since whenever the GM has to make up a skill on the fly. That skill was "shippery".

I can still hear his mildly outraged and somewhat confused outcry (largely because he will repeat it even now whenever we bring it up, it's quite amusing). "You take a ship!?"

He wound up having the ship attacked by pirates who had a Void mage working for them. To teach us a lesson. Good times... [/wistful]

thegurullamen
2008-08-20, 02:15 PM
I was DMing for a group of friends who like to make the most of downtime by RPing longer than necessary. They enjoy it, but it gives the sorcerer--a notorious combat fiend--and me less to do during your average session. So, bored more than usual, the sorc starts leafing through his backstory (despite not rping much, he loves to write novels worth of backstory about his characters), and notices an unresolved feud with a small temple of Pelor in his home town. So, for the next fifteen minutes, he discretely starts scribbling on some Post-Its and plastering them on random pages in a book he'd been carrying around. He hands me the book (Neuromancer for those of you who care,) telling me how I'd enjoy it and then goes to the bathroom, both OOC and in-game.

Bored myself, I opened the book and on the first page was a Post-It detailing the sorc's actions: teleporting to the temple, greater invising, major illusion and a few others. The back of the Post-It gave me two different page numbers (read: additional Post-Its) to turn to based on whether or not the people in the church made their saves. What followed was a d20-sum-Choose-Your-Own-Adventure of actions resulting in the melting of a church, the blinding of the clergy, the end of that town's faith in Pelor and the (almost) end of a feud.

The sorc TP'd back to the party immediately afterward and none of them were any the wiser until the very end of the campaign when the sorc character came clean. (He'd followed this stunt up by destroying every other temple of Pelor he could find in similar fashions. The party almost caught him once, having been hired by a paladin to find the culprit(s) responsible for so many desecrations, but he managed to blame it on a made-up Pit Fiend with two Planar Bindings and a copy of Mona Lisa Overdrive.)