Victor Thorian
2008-06-22, 03:42 PM
Vic's comprehensive guide to taking over the world and being a better person in 99 steps /1
So, your girlfriend left you, you don't have any money to buy some flowers to literally buy her heart back or you're fired from your job and you don't have any money to buy some more alcohol. Even better, your parents died in a plane crash in Africa. Oh wait, they survived the crash but then some skinny people in weird outfit ate them. Yes, I know, life sucks. It all comes down to same thing anyway, you feel miserable and you want to die. This is where I come in, to save you from the depths of hell and make you a productive person for great justice. Ok, stop laughing, I do it because I don't have anything better to do, and I'm good at this. And the funny thing is, you will learn to trust me.
First step on the long road to what you might call "self improvement" ( what I call it is too philosophical to discuss here ) is this: STOP WHATEVER THE F**K YOU'RE DOING. Really. It doesn't matter. Quit your job. Tell your girlfriend that her hair actually looks like a chicken's a*s. I'll say it again: It doesn't matter. They're all replaceable. You don't actually need any of these to become a better person. You don't need them to live. Dispel all the illusions you hold of valued ones or important things. Nothing is important. Accepting that nothing actually matters is going to make everything a lot better and easier. You will get many more of those things eventually anyway, so it's not a big deal.
Let me explain it like this for those of you who are still somehow hesistant. Whatever you do actually doesn't matter for anyone else but you. No one cares if you can dance. No one thinks you're great. Oh yeah, they will tell you things that might sound suggestive of your glory. Remember of the times when your girlfriend made you watch an emotinal movie. Did you really tell her that it sucked? Yes, that DOES actually mean that if you can do it, people can do it too.
Which brings us to rule number two. Do it to them before they do it to you. Know that the world has many ways to make your life suck more than it should. Go out of your way to share the pain. You will feel better. The trick with real world ( I'll call it irl from now on ) is that nothing is infinite. See, you can't make something out of nothing. So if you make people sad or angry, that means you actually have to give them some of your sadness and anger. Which makes you LESS sad or angry. That's a great way to feel better. Same thing with good feelings. You have to give up your own happiness to make people happy. Oh yeah, and they won't even thank you for it. But if you make people sad, they might actually come here and read this and become better themselves. It works out great for everyone.
Rule three. Trust No One. Especially make sure you don't trust anyone who says bad things about your new lifestyle. They are suckers. They are afraid to change. They think having a computer and a working DSL connection is enough. Let me tell you my new friend. It is not. It's like saying " Ok, no problem I can walk with one leg. " That isn't walking. Stop lying to yourself. Accept that you are nothing. I will get back to that in a few rules, bear with me a moment here as I explain this :
Let's say you've been in a desert for two days with no drinks, and somehow mysteriously there are two glasses of water one of which you must choose appear in front of you. One is half full, other is completely filled. Which one will you take?
You chose wrong. You should be able to say "It doesn't matter anyway, I'll die a few days later if I drink any of these". There is always a third option. Replace their psuedo-morals and outdated ethics with something you actually can touch. Start thinking in big scale. Like, the universe. The child you saved today can kill millions of people. The hitch-hiker you picked up along the road can slit your throat and r*pe your dead body and go have a dinner with your wife. Almost always, doing nothing is better than doing something because there're no unforeseen consequences. If you do nothing, nothing is supposed to happen so you can't be held responsible for something that happens. All the people who tried to do good things have died just the same.
So you confused little kittens will ask: " How am I supposed to know when to act and when to do nothing? ". Very easy. When in doubt, start making the thing responsible for your discomfort suffer. That will always give you something to do while you think of ways to send waves and waves of more widespread suffering. ( so you feel better, remember? ) Don't do anything to make people feel better. Just give them pain, they'll thank you later for it.
--- Coming soon.
So, your girlfriend left you, you don't have any money to buy some flowers to literally buy her heart back or you're fired from your job and you don't have any money to buy some more alcohol. Even better, your parents died in a plane crash in Africa. Oh wait, they survived the crash but then some skinny people in weird outfit ate them. Yes, I know, life sucks. It all comes down to same thing anyway, you feel miserable and you want to die. This is where I come in, to save you from the depths of hell and make you a productive person for great justice. Ok, stop laughing, I do it because I don't have anything better to do, and I'm good at this. And the funny thing is, you will learn to trust me.
First step on the long road to what you might call "self improvement" ( what I call it is too philosophical to discuss here ) is this: STOP WHATEVER THE F**K YOU'RE DOING. Really. It doesn't matter. Quit your job. Tell your girlfriend that her hair actually looks like a chicken's a*s. I'll say it again: It doesn't matter. They're all replaceable. You don't actually need any of these to become a better person. You don't need them to live. Dispel all the illusions you hold of valued ones or important things. Nothing is important. Accepting that nothing actually matters is going to make everything a lot better and easier. You will get many more of those things eventually anyway, so it's not a big deal.
Let me explain it like this for those of you who are still somehow hesistant. Whatever you do actually doesn't matter for anyone else but you. No one cares if you can dance. No one thinks you're great. Oh yeah, they will tell you things that might sound suggestive of your glory. Remember of the times when your girlfriend made you watch an emotinal movie. Did you really tell her that it sucked? Yes, that DOES actually mean that if you can do it, people can do it too.
Which brings us to rule number two. Do it to them before they do it to you. Know that the world has many ways to make your life suck more than it should. Go out of your way to share the pain. You will feel better. The trick with real world ( I'll call it irl from now on ) is that nothing is infinite. See, you can't make something out of nothing. So if you make people sad or angry, that means you actually have to give them some of your sadness and anger. Which makes you LESS sad or angry. That's a great way to feel better. Same thing with good feelings. You have to give up your own happiness to make people happy. Oh yeah, and they won't even thank you for it. But if you make people sad, they might actually come here and read this and become better themselves. It works out great for everyone.
Rule three. Trust No One. Especially make sure you don't trust anyone who says bad things about your new lifestyle. They are suckers. They are afraid to change. They think having a computer and a working DSL connection is enough. Let me tell you my new friend. It is not. It's like saying " Ok, no problem I can walk with one leg. " That isn't walking. Stop lying to yourself. Accept that you are nothing. I will get back to that in a few rules, bear with me a moment here as I explain this :
Let's say you've been in a desert for two days with no drinks, and somehow mysteriously there are two glasses of water one of which you must choose appear in front of you. One is half full, other is completely filled. Which one will you take?
You chose wrong. You should be able to say "It doesn't matter anyway, I'll die a few days later if I drink any of these". There is always a third option. Replace their psuedo-morals and outdated ethics with something you actually can touch. Start thinking in big scale. Like, the universe. The child you saved today can kill millions of people. The hitch-hiker you picked up along the road can slit your throat and r*pe your dead body and go have a dinner with your wife. Almost always, doing nothing is better than doing something because there're no unforeseen consequences. If you do nothing, nothing is supposed to happen so you can't be held responsible for something that happens. All the people who tried to do good things have died just the same.
So you confused little kittens will ask: " How am I supposed to know when to act and when to do nothing? ". Very easy. When in doubt, start making the thing responsible for your discomfort suffer. That will always give you something to do while you think of ways to send waves and waves of more widespread suffering. ( so you feel better, remember? ) Don't do anything to make people feel better. Just give them pain, they'll thank you later for it.
--- Coming soon.