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Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 12:09 AM
I've noticed (and I'm sure that you have too) that there are quite a few people on these boards with an interest in writing, either as a future career or as a time-consuming hobby. Therefore I propose this thread to help those of us with such interests to... exercise our craft. Here are the rules:
1) There can only be so many authors. This is to decrease confusion. I think that five is a good number, though I can be convinced to allow more. There will be a 'posting order' to prevent 'simu-posting'. This is also to decrease confusion. When your turn comes around you have 24 hours to post your contribution. Should you fail to do so your turn is skipped and the person after gets their turn. Should an author not need 24 hours to post the person next in line gets to go. All authors can post in the same day, as long as they go in order.
2) Posts must be on topic and relevant to the story. When one story is finished we will have a vote on the topic of the next (more on that later). Writing 'The End' does not end a story. The majority of the authors must decide to end the story before it does. When a story is officially ended I will start a new thread, re-post these rules and the fun starts again.
3) Posts are to be no more than a paragraph long. That means that they should be no longer than ten to fifteen sentences unless you find it necessary.
4) Don't post unless you have something meaningful to contribute. This is not Random Banter; this thread has a point to it. I can't really punish people for coming in and goofing off, but I will glare at your avatar in an unpleasant manner. You don't want that.
5) Voting will be used in the following circumstances:
a) To decide on the genre of the story. This will take place before a new story begins.
b) To strike something from the record. If someone writes something that other authors don't agree with, enough votes will cause that portion of the story to be 'erased' by the author striking it out.
If you feel that I've left anything out please feel free to send me a Private Message.

Okay authors, post the genre that you want to write about. After ten posts I'll count them up and we can get started.

PhoeKun
2006-07-23, 12:13 AM
This seems like a 'silly' message board game to me, but that's not all that important.

I could use a thinking exercise. I don't care what genre is selected, I'll do what I can with it.

Brickwall
2006-07-23, 12:13 AM
Fantasy or Sci-fi fantasy. Also, something with at least some room for comedy.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 12:16 AM
This seems like a 'silly' message board game to me, but that's not all that important.
The mods will do with it what they will.

I myself will second the vote for Fantasy. Lots of potential there. PhoeKun, are you sure that you have no preference?

PhoeKun
2006-07-23, 12:21 AM
I know it's a cop-out, but I like to try my hand at everything. Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Romance, Historical Documentary... doesn't matter.

Improving my ability to adapt is what will make me a better writer..

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 12:29 AM
True.

Okay, now I need to decide on those who will participate. Keep voting on genres, of course. I'll chose five people, myself included, from those of us that cast votes. Those not chosen get to go next time. Sound fair?

Brickwall
2006-07-23, 12:32 AM
Fair enough. I'm guessing this will be random choosing? I think requiring a sample of our writing ability would be a bit much.

And, for future reference, I call any and all uses of the word 'bratwurst'. Nobody else can use it. If you can guess what movie inspired that statement, you get a bag of bojangos.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 12:36 AM
Yes, I'll be picking randomly. The stories will be written by myself and four others. It may seem unfair that I'm always included, but It's my idea and I'm a greedy bastard.

In other news; C'mon, people! Prince of Cats, you know that you should be here. You too, Vorpal Tribble!

PhoeKun
2006-07-23, 12:39 AM
That seems fair.

Will there be a set order of posting, so that selected authors can have time to compose something worth reading without fear of having the story move out from under their feet while they are doing so? It'll slow things down a little, but you can fix that by applying deadlines, at which point the next person down the line would be asked to take over.

edit: For pete's sake, this is a message board, not a chatroom. It takes time for things to be noticed and responded to. Have a little patience...

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 12:42 AM
Will there be a set order of posting, so that selected authors can have time to compose something worth reading without fear of having the story move out from under their feet while they are doing so? It'll slow things down a little, but you can fix that by applying deadlines, at which point the next person down the line would be asked to take over.
Yes. I said something very similar in the opening post. It's in the First Rule.


For pete's sake, this is a message board, not a chatroom. It takes time for things to be noticed and responded to. Have a little patience...
There's no need to get snippy. I'm just excited, is all.

Mattaeu
2006-07-23, 12:47 AM
Didn't really read everything, but voting for Hyper Reality.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 12:48 AM
Didn't really read everything, but voting for Hyper Reality.
Wow, I'm not familiar with that. I would suggest that you do read everything, at least if you want to participate.

EDIT
Okay, looked it up. Sounds interesting.

Mattaeu
2006-07-23, 12:49 AM
If it's on a deadline thing, yes. I'm not incessantly online frequent enough to be of any worth any other way. :P

And that's really just a made up genre, my mind tends to Really wander, so think of it as a warning ;)

edit: oh...i guess i should look it up too then. heh

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-23, 12:49 AM
I can help out, I do this sort of storytelling often. More as a joke than anything else, but it's one of my family games.

Unfortunately, I'm often busy and unreliable. I'm not sure if that'll hurt this exercise.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 12:50 AM
There is a 'posting order.' It's all up there in the rules. So the first person goes, then the second. If you don't post on your turn for a day* you skip your turn and the guy after you goes.

*A day is 24 hours. I'll add this to the rules to make it clear.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-23, 12:52 AM
There is a 'posting order.' It's all up there in the rules. So the first person goes, then the second. If you don't post on your turn for a day you skip your turn and the guy after you goes.

Oh, our turns are a day long? How's this working for time?

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 12:57 AM
What? Okay, you have a day to post your contribution. If you don't you're skipped. But if you post within the day they next person goes. All five people can go in the same day. There does not need to be a 24 hour delay in posting. Does that make sense?

Mattaeu
2006-07-23, 12:58 AM
hmm, now that I've gone through all the current rules, are we(everyone) feeling that one paragraph, 15-20 sentences is sufficient?

Just a question; with 24 hours per turn, I would say we could up it just a little bit, at the least.

anyone?

edit:^that makes it easier then. disregard me. :P

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-23, 12:59 AM
What? Okay, you have a day to post your contribution. If you don't you're skipped. But if you post within the day they next person goes. All five people can go in the same day. There does not need to be a 24 hour delay in posting. Does that make sense?

Yes, yes that makes sense.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 01:00 AM
Good. Do I need to change the rules, or was there just momentary confusion?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-23, 01:01 AM
Good. Do I need to change the rules, or was there just momentary confusion?

I'm happy with such rules. When are we starting?

Mattaeu
2006-07-23, 01:01 AM
I think you should include that the author doesn't need to utilize the entire 24 hours. But beyond that, pretty much just a momentary.

V :P

further edit: um, if you get enough to start soon, would it be at a slightly later time? at least a day probably.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 01:02 AM
We start when enough people vote for a genre for there to be a winner. So far we have three votes: Two for Fantasy and one for Hyper-Reality.

PhoeKun
2006-07-23, 01:04 AM
I'm all clear on the rules at this point, and I apologize for any perceived snippiness.

...I should probably look up hyper reality, just in case, huh.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 01:06 AM
Okay, I've added to rule one. And no, we won't start today. We'll start when it is most convenient for the first author. And it won't be me, by the way. I'll be writing names on paper and drawing them out of a hat for the posting order.

Mattaeu
2006-07-23, 01:06 AM
I should probably look up hyper reality, just in case, huh.The route I was 'making up' when I chose it was pretty general; just 'hyper'(above) reality. So, even though that's my vote, don't be expecting me to rock if it wins. :P


edit: if you read this: is Fantasy being used as synonymous with DnD style? or what does the genre entail?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-23, 01:08 AM
My vote goes to dark fantasy.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 01:09 AM
Okay, we have three votes. PhoeKun is undecided and Abd has not yet cast his vote. Just keeping you guys up to date.

EDIT
Augh! Okay, we now stand at three votes for Fantasy and one vote for Hyper-Reality.

Mattaeu
2006-07-23, 01:15 AM
I'll just post it instead:
is Fantasy being used as synonymous with DnD style? or what does the genre entail?

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 01:22 AM
No, no fanfiction. Do you mean High versus Low Fantasy? It would depend on the tone set by the first few paragraphs. A vote for Fantasy means you get what you get.

Mattaeu
2006-07-23, 01:46 AM
Sure. I guess so long as I have an idea, or don't go first, shouldn't be too much of a headache. :)

PhoeKun
2006-07-23, 01:47 AM
I pity whomever winds up starting this. Getting started with such a broad guideline will likely be the hardest part. Of course, the tradeoff is having extra control over the feel and the pace of the story, since everyone else will need to follow the guidelines laid out by the first author.

But... how to choose, you know?

Extra_Crispy
2006-07-23, 01:47 AM
Another vote for fantasy. I would not mind writing some but with being a full time student and working part time I may miss some of my writing times.

Brickwall
2006-07-23, 02:20 AM
I pity whomever winds up starting this.

I'd be more than willing to start it. Sometimes introductions are the most fun part.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-23, 02:43 AM
I'd be more than willing to start it. *Sometimes introductions are the most fun part.

Yeah, you get to set up the rest of the... first two posts. Maybe. These things change real fast.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 01:07 PM
But... how to choose, you know?
I'll be pulling names out of a hat.

Now we have four votes for fantasy and one vote for Hyper-Reality. I want around two more people to vote before I draw the participants out of a hat. As it is only one voter would not be allowed to take part and that doesn't seem fair to me.

The possible participants are, so far:
Myself, Sophistemon
PhoeKun
Brickwall
Mattaeu
Abd al-Azrad
and
Extra_Crispy.

Vaynor
2006-07-23, 01:34 PM
Eh, what the hell, I'll go ahead and give it a shot. :D

I vote for fantasy, and if I get in today, I can't go first (or today at all). Just saying...

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 01:36 PM
Five votes for Fantasy and one for Hyper-Reality. One more vote to go and I'll pick the authors for this round.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-07-23, 02:06 PM
High fantasy.

im in.

Flabbicus
2006-07-23, 02:22 PM
I'll join this in a few rounds, after I watch people play and observe their writing so I don't copy them. :)

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 02:33 PM
Okay, with one vote for Hyper-Reality and a measly six for Fantasy, I think we have our winner. Give me a few minutes to write up the names and put them in a hat and then we can get started, okay?

Possible Contestants are:
Myself
PhoeKun
Brickwall
Mattaeu
Abd al-Azrad
Extra_Crispy
Papa Smurf Vaynor
and
Ivan McK

I'll announce this round's authors in a few minutes.

EDIT
And the winners (and the order in which we write) are:
Abd al-Azrad (going first)
Mattaeu (going second)
Myself (going third)
Brickwall (going fourth)
And PhoeKun (going fifth)

Extra_Crispy, Vaynor and Ivan, better luck next time.

Okay, Abd al-Azrad, because you go first you get to choose the title of the story and start us off. Post your contribution when you're ready. Then Mattaeu will post his, followed by me, then Brickwall, then PhoeKun, then you again. This pattern will repeat until the story is finished. Have fun!

EDIT
Just so you know, we're posting on this thread, not starting a new one.

The Prince of Cats
2006-07-23, 06:18 PM
In other news; C'mon, people! Prince of Cats, you know that you should be here. You too, Vorpal Tribble!
Who, me? Did you go talking to Varen Tai?

I would have joined in, I just didn't see this post when I skimmed the forum this morning. In any case, I am am pain medication for my RSI and so I probably should give this a miss.

On the other hand, seeing as how it is just once per day, I migh be interested if there was a 'team 2' story for those of us who did not get through or get our votes in on time.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 06:28 PM
When one story is finished votes will be cast for the genre of the next, authors will be pulled out of a hat and the process will begin anew until people get bored with it. Feel free to participate in the next one.

Brickwall
2006-07-23, 06:37 PM
Before it starts, I'm gonna say "Woohoo!"

Okay, I'm done.

Sophistemon
2006-07-23, 09:24 PM
Yeah, I'm excited too. Okay, so we're waiting for Abd. He did say that he could participate, right?

EDIT
Ah, he did mention that he would be unavailable sometimes. No matter. If he can't make it within 24 hours it simply falls on Mattaeu to start us off.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-24, 01:26 AM
Holy crap! Sorry, all. I just got back and realised I was supposed to start the story. In the words of Mario, here we go!

The Herald

Jaques Ulfright was worried. Already nearly thirteen times the Foreseeing Bell had sounded, its deep, hollow chime marking an hour closer to dusk. Now, as the day's heat began to dwindle, and the moisture in the air began to take on the foul taste of iron, Jaques knew his time was almost up. Though his aches ran down to his bones, and though his hands were raw from wear, that taste in his throat brought new strength to his arms, and a new urgency to his hoarse voice.

"Get the last of those supplies underground! Anyone I catch slacking gets left to the mercies of the Storm!"


...how's that for a first paragraph? It's been a while since I did this...

Sophistemon
2006-07-24, 01:39 AM
Very, very good. Awesome. Now it's up to Mattaeu to determine that the Storm is, if he so chooses to do so. Again, a great way to start us off.

Mattaeu
2006-07-24, 02:29 AM
((Sorry guys, this one is a quickie.))

'Anyone I catch slacking gets left to the mercies of the Storm!'

The bellow always came louder than expected. And the Ulfright family, though cobblers, consistently managed to keep too much material in stock, leaving most of the shoe leather to these 'mercies of the Storm'. Jaques now stared with his sleepy eyes out his father's shop window, pretending to squish the town crier between his fingers for startling him from a good nap.

'What's so terrifying about the Storm, pa? We never really get to see any of it.' But nothing in the shop heard his question. Jaques panicked from his stool and frantically flew through the house, winding all the fright he had for the unknown Storm into a tight grip in his stomach. They had left him, probably owning to his constant desire to be 'first' to the storm shelter. Jaques ran hard through town to reach the hillside door, but heard only the resigned herald's 'Bring it in boys' before the blinding flash and crack tore through an evergreen beside him.*

"Bring it in boys," Jaques whispered now.

((*italic = flashback. feel free to continue either direction. or new :) ))

Sophistemon
2006-07-24, 11:36 AM
Whoop, my turn. Okay, I have a few things to do today but they shouldn't take me long.

EDIT
Oh, that's good! I was confused until I remembered that it was a flashback. So Jaques was once caught out in the Storm and went on the be the Town Crier? This is looking promising!

Sophistemon
2006-07-24, 12:12 PM
"Bring it in boys," Jaques whispered now.

At the herald's order the doormen drew shut the oaken gates of the shelter and barred them with iron from within. Jaques closed his eyes and listened to the bells from nearby towns falling silent as the last of the stragglers made it to safety. Leave no-one behind, he thought. An ironic grin crossed his features as he watched the clouds boil in the sky, their bodies blackened with the arrival of the Storm. He climbed slowly from the bell-tower back into the warmth of the shelter, instinct making him favor the leg he'd injured so many years ago. The townspeople bustled below him as they prepared their supplies for the wait, as it would likely take several days for the Storm to pass enough for them to return to the surface.

_________
How's that?

Brickwall
2006-07-24, 12:15 PM
Nice, I guess I'm next. Having trouble deciding between a few directons I may take this, though. It'll be up sometime today.

Brickwall
2006-07-24, 06:05 PM
As Jaques reached the bottom of the tower, he heard a peal of thunder. *He didn't notice any accompanying lightning because he was not looking. *Rather, he was taking one last look around for stragglers. *Satisfied that everyone who would get there in time was safe, he went down the portion of the ladder that led into the shelter and closed the port above him. *He was about to go and find some quarters before a voice accosted him.
"Jacques! *It's been awhile. I see you're still stuck in this old place?"

____________

And that's my turn. *It's up to our last writer to determine our mystery person!

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-24, 08:04 PM
I'm amused that the Storm is still undefined.

Oh, and I purposely misspelled Jaques. If we want to change it to Jacques, that's okay, but I'm not really sure what to do in this situation.

Sophistemon
2006-07-24, 11:23 PM
I'm enjoying this so far. I hope everyone else is, too.

PhoeKun
2006-07-24, 11:29 PM
Jaques blinked slowly, once, twice... this was always the part of the job where his brain shut down. With everyone safe, he was allowed to let the Herculean effort of coordinating a city-wide evacuation take effect on him - he could finally afford to be exhausted. Only, here was this voice, assailing him from the unknown depths of the shelter. It was a voice that grated on his nerves. It was irritating. It was also familiar.
"I made a choice to stay here. I'm no more 'stuck' than you are."
___________________

Well, there's my first cop-out. Looking forward to more.

Sophistemon
2006-07-25, 12:44 AM
Good. Back to Abd, then!

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-25, 12:56 AM
Given that it's 1:00 AM here, I might not get around to writing my next post until sometime tomorrow. I've enjoyed this first cycle... and I guess it'll be up to me to shed some light on what's going on. Goodie! ;D

Brickwall
2006-07-25, 01:09 AM
Aww, no fair! He rolled a success on his Reflex save against the Plot Revalation trap! And I spent so much on that! And the trapmaking ranks, so many skill ranks...

Sophistemon
2006-07-25, 01:37 AM
Yeah, I did that too. I guess I should be more assertive. I did give him a limp, though.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-25, 02:26 AM
Oh, make no mistake, the trap was very successful. I don't think I'll be able to weasel my way out of the rest of them.

At least that was a successful Spot check against upcoming traps.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-25, 03:03 PM
"I made a choice to stay here. I'm no more 'stuck' than you are," Jaques said, coolly, into the dark.

"We don't make choices, kid. How many times do I have to tell you that before it'll sink in?" The words were followed by a defeated chuckle, and the sounds of approaching footsteps.

"And how many times will I tell you to stop calling me, 'kid,' anyways? I'm older than you!" Jaques spat at the forming shadow of a man, a few inches shorter than him, walking with an akward gait.

"You're not older than me, kid. You were born earlier. Age is about learning." The man emerged partway from the shadows, his right side still concealed. "And you refuse to learn. You got off lucky. I have to live with what happened-"

"You know," Jaques cut in, "I think this might be the hundredth time you've told this same story. We should celebrate the occasion." Jaques drew a small flask from his pouch, and took a pull of the bitter extract. "Cheers, Frederic. Now, I've got work to do. Can we finish this later?"

The man stepped forward, exposing a mass of bright orange veins and bulging muscles covering the right half of his face and all down his arm.

"I see you still won't use the crutch I made you, kid."

---

It occurs to me that conversations require a few paragraphs to convey any information at all. Hope no one minds.

Sophistemon
2006-07-25, 08:48 PM
No, no. It's fine.

So I guess that guy didn't just get hit by the thunder, huh? Ouch.

Okay, Mattaeu's up.

Brickwall
2006-07-26, 03:31 PM
Matteau's turn ended 27 minutes ago. NEXT!

Sophistemon
2006-07-26, 03:50 PM
Aaaaand that's me!

"I see you still won't use the crutch I made you, kid."

Jaques snorted.

"I don't need a crutch. I get along fine." He passed a glance at Frederick's twisted visage. "I see that you're not doing much better." Frederick smirked with the left side of his mouth; the right side unmoving, a bit of drool forming at the corner.

"Won't ever get better, you know that. When the Storm hurts you it hurts you for-" Jaques coughed.

"I think I've told you that I'm in no mood for your pessimism." He held out the flask.Frederick took it and drank deeply, a stream of liquid running from his ruined mouth and down his chin. He wiped it with the back of his hand and returned the flask.

"Thanks," he said. "So, what've you been up to since last time?"

_______
How is it?

Brickwall
2006-07-26, 04:00 PM
Wundebar, and now for me to get working on my part.

Sophistemon
2006-07-27, 12:59 AM
So how's it going?

Gralamin
2006-07-27, 01:10 AM
if random people are allowed to comment, this is very intresting so far. If not, I can always delete this post ;D

Brickwall
2006-07-27, 01:13 AM
"So what have you been up to since last time?"

Jaques debated whether he should give a long list of events or go with a polite, short response.

"Oh, the usual. Trying to stay alive in the midst of these horrors, all that stuff. How about you?"

Fred didn't respond to his question. "If you just try to stay alive, you'll die with a life unfulfilled. Why not be a Denizen Hunter like me? Get rich, you will, I'll guarantee that."

"Don't be silly Fred. Everyone knows you have to have at least a Gift to be one."

Fred smirked. "Maybe you got something and you just don't know it. You've never asked an Oracle, have you? That's the only way to know for sure."

"And waste what little money I have? I think not. I'd rather be secure, thank you." But Jaques was lying to Fred and himself. He'd always dreamed of being rich and famous; everyone did. But he had no money or talent. Frederick had a Boon, so everyone knew he'd be special before he saw an Oracle. The way he could shape objects was beyond anything short of a Boon. But Jaques...he had a practiced voice.

"I think I should start getting the count overwith."

__________

Actually, I will be glad to explain Gifts and Boons if I end up having to write them. I just wanted to add in some mysteries (Denizens, huh?). Enjoy, and sorry if it's not too good.

Sophistemon
2006-07-27, 01:54 AM
Nice job, Brickwall. Okay PhoeKun, you're up.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-27, 02:39 AM
Heck, I'll take my shot at explaining said gifts and boons and such. It seems to tie into the plotline I was imagining when I wrote the first entry.

This is so painful to write! All my ideas have to go through four other people before they come back to me to expand! It's like... sending your work to a publication company. ;)

PhoeKun
2006-07-27, 02:48 AM
"I think I should start getting the count over with."

Jaques was off before Frederick could get in another word. He had enough on his mind without having to deal with these desires... No, he had too much. At least the head count itself was easy: one, two three... 427 people present and accounted for. The Storm would claim no more victims... this time. Ah! The desire arises once more: to travel, and discover a way to prevent the Storm outright, or at least control its path. But Jaques knew this could never happen. Would that he were gifted...
---------------------------------

Everyone seems so excited about defining Gifts and Boons, it would seem almost cruel were I to steal that opportunity from you. Take it away, folks! Oh, and sorry for the dip in quality just now. I kind of choked trying to get something up before I went to sleep... :-/

Sophistemon
2006-07-27, 02:01 PM
Abd, time for you again!

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-28, 12:29 AM
Would that he were gifted...

Jaques awoke to the sounds of activity. Even from the sleeping room, he *could hear clearly that a gathering had formed near the shelter's entrance. Is it over? was his first thought, but he quickly dismissed it- the Storm, when it comes, persists for days, and he still felt too tired to have slept more than a few hours. His muscles had all seized up with aches in his sleep, such that it took a monumental effort to rouse himself, even from his miserable cot. Half dressed, he staggered through the narrow warrens of the shelter, following the increasingly hostile sounds of a forming mob.

Jaques ran quickly through all the possible reasons he could think of for such rabble: A shortage of food? A fight between two denizens, fueled by their friends? He had just began to ready himself to break up such a squabble when he heard the shelter's door slam shut. He quickened his pace, and within seconds came charging into a crowd of dozens, each pushing forward against the others with a rage in their eyes that meant only one thing: Someone had come in from the Storm.

Someone was not welcome.

---

That was a bit longer than usual, but I wanted to get around to saying what was happening here, and I was feeling unusually wordy.

Brickwall
2006-07-28, 12:44 AM
Wundebar. I think it was worth making the extra paragraph for. I got shivers at the end (of anticipation, of course).

Anyway, I notice this has been moved. If nobody posts here by 5:00 PM, I shall PM you all with a new link.

PhoeKun
2006-07-28, 01:48 AM
Jeez, you never can tell where this story is going to go... which is part of what makes this fun.

And for the record, I've got no problem with the wordiness, Abd. It seems to have paid off, at any rate.

Mattaeu
2006-07-28, 08:29 AM
shoot guys, i'm going to disappoint again. i was incapacitated by the dentist the first time, and now i have work followed by a road trip. I should be back by monday, but won't be online this entire weekend.

keep moving the story though, it's been a great read.

Sophistemon
2006-07-28, 04:24 PM
<Okay, I'm ready.>


Someone was not welcome.
Jaques pushed his way through the throng of people and gaped at the intruder; she (and yes, it was a she) was sopping wet, her auburn hair clinging to her face like a damp fabric. She was tall and though loosely clothed in flowing garments, obviously lithe and not poorly 'built'.

More amazing than having survived the Storm long enough to have reached the safety of the bunker was that she was, miraculously, completely unharmed. She lifted a pale hand and wiped her hair from her face and glanced around, her gaze lingering on Jaques. He could almost see a smile in those emerald eyes, and was embarrassed enough to look away.

"Uh," he said. "Well, enough standing around. Can't you see that our visitor needs some dry clothes?" He walked up to her as the crowd dispersed. "Welcome to our happy little haven, ma'am. Follow me and we'll get you cleaned up.

<Uh, oh! Looks like our hero is getting a bit infatuated. Ah, well. All good stories have romance in them. Next!>

Brickwall
2006-07-28, 09:56 PM
"Follow me and we'll get you cleaned up." *Jaques turned around only to see Fred storming through the crowd. "Oh, I have a bad feeling about this."

"Fam'tala! *Is that you? *I thought you'd be off in the lagoon for another week!"

The woman, presumably called Fam'tala, smiled. *"I was, but apparently the place is off-limits unless you're a level 3 or higher now. *And you know very well my request for promotion has been denied for years."

"It's only been one and a half years, 'tala. *Oh, hey, I see you met Jaques! *He's thinking of seeing an Oracle soon!"

"I am not!" Jaques immediately protested. *Fred was nice, but certainly lacked what most people would consider 'tact'. *"Well, since I can assume you're a Hunter too, dare I ask what happened out there? *You don't look so good."

Fam'tala looked a bit flustered for a second, but quickly recovered, "You're no prize catch yourself Jack," she said good-humoredly, "and I have to go get cleaned up. *But if you do plan on seeing the oracle once this Storm is over, Fred and I would be more than happy to take you." *Without waiting for the expected retort, Fam'tala headed off with Fred close behind.

"It's 'Jaques'!" Jaques yelled after her. *"I'm not seeing an Oracle. *Too expensive, and not worth it for someone like me."

__________
Scene Change! *The next guy gets to start us off with the new scene or try somehow to pass the buck.

Sophistemon
2006-07-28, 10:40 PM
Right, good show. Next up is PhoeKun, right?

PhoeKun
2006-07-28, 11:58 PM
The sun was setting on a rose garden. The red light glistened off of the remains of a light rain that had passed through only an hour before. The result was... beautiful. A lone figure walked among the roses, armored footsteps falling softly on the damp ground. The figure... a man, ableit an exceptionally pretty man, ran a hand through his long, blonde hair before plucking a single rose and partaking of its fragrance. A smile passed over his lips briefly as he lifted a blood red scythe off of his shoulder. Without warning, he swung the weapon through the flowers, and a massive bolt of lightning issued forth, incinerating everything in its path. The light was blinding. And within, there was the sound of laughter. Mirthless, arrogant, invincible laughter...

Jaques awoke with a start. He hated that dream.
-----------------

I swear to every god imaginable this is not a cop-out. A dream, yes, but not a cop-out. I am going to make this have significance later on, if nobody beats me to the punch.

Sophistemon
2006-07-29, 12:06 AM
No, I liked it. Okay, we're back to Abd.

Brickwall
2006-07-29, 12:11 AM
Hmm, I can already think of at least 3 things to do with that dream. And those are the obvious ones.

Sophistemon
2006-07-29, 12:53 AM
Me too. Can't wait!

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-29, 01:50 AM
He hated that dream.

The taste of iron lingered in the back of Jaques' throat as he went through the motions of starting his day. The outdoor air had saturated the shelter during the night. Jaques never coud decide if he liked that taste or not. After all, it was the first sign of a coming Storm, and Jaques had grown quite skilled at tasting that little bit of chaos in the air.

Getting dressed, he paused to examine his leg. Beneath the dressings he wore almost religiously, beneath the loose trousers that covered his injury, Jaques would always know the cruelties of the Storm. He had heard rumours as a child, back when the Storm was but an exotic tale from the far south, of men turned to beasts, of families who ceased to exist. Jaques didn't understand the Storm- he had heard the theories of the sages, but when it came right down to it, they didn't know any more than he did. All he knew was that the touch of the Storm had left him crippled and disfigured, a leg covered in weeping eyes, barely able to support its share of Jaques' considerable weight. His sister had said his body would shed a tear for each life lost to the Storm.

She was always the poetic one.

---

Ha HA! Exposition of a sort! We know what the Storm can do to you now!

Sophistemon
2006-07-29, 02:35 AM
His leg is covered in... eyes? And Fred's right side is horribly disfigured. Hmm. So the Storm affects people differently. If they survive it. I wonder what other... alterations we'll witness before this story ends. Is Mateau here, or should I just go later today? I should probably sleep first, it's 2:30 where I live.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-29, 12:09 PM
Yeah, I was looking for weird things to do with the story. So I made the protagonist's leg covered in eyes. Can't really say why. ;)

It might become significant in later entries.

Brickwall
2006-07-29, 01:10 PM
If they're crying, why isn't his leg constantly dripping with tears? Consider the ramifications of your Lovecraftian psyche!

Sophistemon
2006-07-29, 02:13 PM
She was always the poetic one.
Jaques heard the hustle and bustle of people and, were there any windows in the complex, sunlight would be pouring through them in golden waves. In addition to strange dreams, he also hated waking up after everyone else and hurried from his room into the hall. Someone grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around; forcing him to pivot on his ruined leg. It was Frederick.

"Come with me," he said, and began pushing through the crowd of townsfolk, hungry for their morning meal. Jaques sighed and followed as Fred led him to a locked room at the far end of the bunker. Removing a small key from within his shirt, Fred smiled at Jaques with half of a face and unlocked a door. Fam'tala stood from her seat on the bed and beamed at the two men. Jaques blushed without knowing why.

"Good morning," he said. "Uh, what can I do for you?" Frederick snorted, as though the answer should be obvious.

"Show her the leg, Jack."

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-29, 03:26 PM
If they're crying, why isn't his leg constantly dripping with tears? *Consider the ramifications of your Lovecraftian psyche!

I had him wearing dressings on the leg. I imagine he has to change them occasionally, and otherwise tears look like sweat. He probably could pull off some Bluff check if someone asked.

...wait...


Consider the ramifications of your Lovecraftian psyche!

The psyche's all about ramifications! It's what I live for! Predicting what leads to total annihilation! Grrarrrgh!

Sophistemon
2006-07-29, 04:17 PM
PhoeKun's up next. Was my addition okay?

PhoeKun
2006-07-29, 04:24 PM
It was fine. But... isn't Brickwall supposed to go before me?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-29, 05:50 PM
It was fine. But... isn't Brickwall supposed to go before me?

He does... in fact, I think we're just continually skipping Matteau, which means myself (Abd), Sophistemon, Brickwall, PhoeKun.

Sophistemon
2006-07-29, 07:05 PM
Whoops, you're right. Sorry. Brickwall, your turn!

Brickwall
2006-07-29, 08:53 PM
"Show her the leg, Jack."

"It's Jaques, dammit. And I'm not doing anything of the sort. It'd be easier just to tell a little story and move on."

Before Fred could speak up, Fam'tala interjected, "Of course it'd be easier, but I want to see it for myself. Besides, Fred has to go around showing his scar to everyone and their grandmother, so there's no reason you should be hiding yours like that."

Jaques wanted to grumble something in reply, but he knew there was no point. He rolled up his pant leg and unwrapped a bandage. Eyes dotted his entire lower leg. However, some were looking around instead of crying. "That happens during the Storm, sometimes. I've never figured out why." Fam'tala seemed unresponsive, and examined the eyes closely.

"They're all of your eye color. With a scar like this, they should all be different."

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," Jaques replied angrily. She spoke of his disfigurement as if it was some...experiment. "Look, if you'll excuse me, I have a population to take care of." He wound the bandage and rolled his pant leg down again, then stormed out of the room.

Fam'tala and Fred watched him leave. "Your friend. He's blond. Actually, he looks a lot like-"

"Be quiet, 'tala. If he hears you, well, I don't want him knowing about this."

__________
Maybe a scene transfer, maybe not. Depends if you want to reveal the conversation.

I have my own idea of what to do with this, but I've been verbose enough already.

Sophistemon
2006-07-30, 01:29 AM
That was cool. I like how you made his impossible deformity stranger than the other impossible deformities.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-30, 01:55 AM
Definately.

"Oh, eyes cover your leg. Yeah, that's normal... wait... they all look the same! No way!"

PhoeKun
2006-07-30, 02:00 AM
I'm still trying to decide where I want to go with that. I should have something up soon...

PhoeKun
2006-07-30, 02:44 AM
"Be quiet, 'tala. If he hears you, well, I don't want him knowing about this."

But Jaques wasn't listening to Fam'tala. Or to Frederic. He wasn't listening to anything. The same color... so what? There shouldn't be eyes on a man's leg! What the hell does it matter that they look like my eyes!? Lost in his anger and his shame, Jaques nearly missed the crowd swelling around him. He would have walked right past them were it not for the enormous, bald man looming in front of him.

"What the hell do you think you're trying to pull, Jaques? Letting that... woman in here!"

"And just what was I supposed to do? Force her back into the Storm?"

"Mark my words: she's going to bring trouble in here. I want her out." The crowd of people shouted their assent. Jaques stood his ground.

"You're acting like monsters! We're all human beings, and we should act like it. That woman, you or me! We're all just... normal people."
----------------------

This could get ugly, ya know?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-30, 11:46 AM
Sorry, all. I'd love to post some follow up- PhoeKun's got a fun little situation to play off- but I'm too busy today. I'll try to get back in ASAP. :'(

Sophistemon
2006-07-30, 01:48 PM
Take your time. It's a shame that I have to wait, though. A shame for me. I have an idea that I'd love to implement but it'll be too late by the time my turn comes around. I'd better start thinking of something else to compensate.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-07-30, 02:56 PM
Take your time. It's a shame that I have to wait, though. A shame for me. I have an idea that I'd love to implement but it'll be too late by the time my turn comes around. I'd better start thinking of something else to compensate.

Take your turn now. I'll come back in for the next cycle. I know you can hardly live without my writing, but try to manage, eh? ;)

BTW, I like the avatar. You've used it before, right? I remember that staff.

Sophistemon
2006-07-30, 04:11 PM
I thank you for the offer, but no. The point of the exercise is to deal with what we are given to the best of our abilities. Were I to take a turn out of order would set a bad example. So thanks again for the opportunity, but I'll wait my turn.

And yeah, I've used this avatar before. I think it's my favorite.

EDIT
Okay, I don't think that Abd's seen this post yet, but that's okay. I'm still not going to post out of turn. but I need you guys to know that I'll be away from my computer for around four days, as I'll be at Myrtle Beach. Take care of the story while I'm gone. I doubt that it will end during my absence but if it does please wait for me to start a new one. That's all. See you guys later!

PhoeKun
2006-07-31, 03:23 AM
Looks like Abd's turn is over.

And evidently, Sophistemon won't be able to post for a while.

I guess that means Brickwall's up.

Brickwall
2006-08-01, 06:43 PM
"We're all just normal people!"

"How do you know? You wouldn't know a Denizen if it stared you in the face!"

"That's enough!" broke a voice from the back of the crowd. Fred stormed through, more angry than Jaques remembered seeing him. "You all go about your business! Fam'tala is a Hunter, and you all better respect that. Otherwise you'll have me t'answer to!" The crowd quited down instantly, and began dispersing. Nobody wanted to go against the word of a Hunter.

"Impressive. I've never seen you like that before," Jaques said to Fred as soon as the crowd had thinned. Fred was silent, but he didn't need to say anything. Jaques noticed that Fred's veins were pulsing oddly. It was too late into the Storm for scars to be acting oddly. Something else was up.

"Jaques, something's come up. If we're going to see an Orcale, we have to leave today."

"What?! The storm won't be over for almost a fortnight! You can't expect me to go out there?!"

"Your scar will protect you from the Ravages. It's only the Denizens you have to worry about. Me'n 'tala can handle that." Jaques didn't respond. How could Fred be serious? What was so important that they had to leave now?

__________

Too long, yes, but I like it. The story was moving fine, but I decided it was a good time to throw it into gear. NEXT.

Oh, and, yeah. I decided that the scar-causers were called Ravages, and that Scarred people were never hit by them (at least, not by the Storm itself).

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-02, 12:48 AM
Good. I was a bit worried this would start to fail when myself, Sophistemon, and Matteau failed to post for their turns. Keep the dream alive!

PhoeKun
2006-08-02, 02:04 AM
What's this? People are posting again? I was starting to think I was all alone in here...

I'd better get to work on the next paragraph, then. I'm going to need a little while to adjust to this sudden shift in tempo, though. I generally prefer a slower pace than this, but this is really about adapting, isn't it?

Brickwall
2006-08-02, 03:52 PM
There's still at least a paragraph or two to write about the preparation to leave. It could be stretched out for an entire cycle, probably. Go at whatever pace you feel is appropriate.

PhoeKun
2006-08-03, 01:35 AM
Well, in any event, I seem to have well and truly failed to keep the deadline. Which means Abd is up, if I'm not mistaken.

Mattaeu
2006-08-03, 11:53 AM
Look guys, I've only contributed once and am about to be incapacitated again for who knows how long(wisdom teeth).

I invite you to grab one of the people that didn't make it in this round to replace me. I plan on following it still.

Sorry. :( forgive me.

Brickwall
2006-08-03, 12:36 PM
I'd take personal responsibility for keeping this alive, but I leave on vacation Saturday and probably will not have net access until at least Thursday (a week from now).

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-03, 01:35 PM
Okay, it looks as if all of us are busy right now and thus incapable of continuing the story for the time being. Threadromancy notwithstanding, I feel it would be best to schedule, say, a week's hiatus from the story for all of us to sort out our busy lives, so that we can get back to creating the awesomist story evah. In this time, Sophistemon and I would be getting back to the storytelling, and it looks like PhoeKun has been having some writer's block issues as well that I hope we can get past.

Any ideas? We could schedule a restarting time, with myself posting first, for, say, Monday? Tuesday Sophistemon can go, Wednesday PhoeKun, and Thursday (when he gets back) Brickwall.

Brickwall
2006-08-03, 01:57 PM
Fine, but my net access is not guaranteed. Those cable companies can be tricksy and unreliable.

PhoeKun
2006-08-03, 02:41 PM
Okay, it looks as if all of us are busy right now and thus incapable of continuing the story for the time being. Threadromancy notwithstanding, I feel it would be best to schedule, say, a week's hiatus from the story for all of us to sort out our busy lives, so that we can get back to creating the awesomist story evah. In this time, Sophistemon and I would be getting back to the storytelling, and it looks like PhoeKun has been having some writer's block issues as well that I hope we can get past.

Any ideas? We could schedule a restarting time, with myself posting first, for, say, Monday? Tuesday Sophistemon can go, Wednesday PhoeKun, and Thursday (when he gets back) Brickwall.

I can handle that. I don't think this new board section moves fast enough that threadromancy will even be required if we only have to wait until Monday.

I'll take this time to whip out my Writer's ChiselTM and chip away at the block of cement sitting on top of my keyboard.

Sophistemon
2006-08-07, 12:50 AM
Good. I was a bit worried this would start to fail when myself, Sophistemon, and Matteau failed to post for their turns. Keep the dream alive!
Fear not, for I have returned.


We could schedule a restarting time, with myself posting first, for, say, Monday? Tuesday Sophistemon can go, Wednesday PhoeKun, and Thursday (when he gets back) Brickwall.
Sounds like a rockin' plan to me! Though would we be posting like we (should) have been, with a possible more than one post a day, or will it be on a purely day-by-day basis?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-08, 12:24 AM
Post whenever you get the inspiration. We had a lot of good starting ideas, and I think everyone's become a little daunted by the fact that we now have to craft a story from them.

---

What was so important that they had to leave now?

---

The small band of refugees had been searching for days for a shelter. None would accept them, most rose arms at the sight of them. None they met seemed to care they bore children- innocents, as far as any could be- out of fear or hate or despair or any other reason to deny shelter to those in need. Broken and twisted by the Storm's touch, the poor group marched onward, town to town, begging for mercy from those who had long ago learned the dangers of those coming in from the Storm.

This disappoints us. The humans have become too driven by fear to let us in. Perhaps they know of us? [no they could not know they have not the minds for it we must keep searching for others to let us in] But their fear is too great. They will not accept any outsiders. [then we must give them something to conquer fear we must give them hope]

The band of refugees was torn to pieces, and blown away like chaff on the winds of change.

A woman strode briskly against the Storm, her eyes set on a small shelter in a small town. She noted the bells. Perhaps they will let in one promising them freedom from the Storm. We shall see how this plays out.

---

Just wanted to do a weird little cutscene into the out-of-doors. And establish that something worse than a little bad weather was going on out there.

Sophistemon
2006-08-08, 12:41 PM
Perhaps they will let in one promising them freedom from the Storm. We shall see how this plays out.

Jaques sat in his room, thinking deeply. He wasn't an old man yet, just a young one with a bad leg. He had no family and he doubted that many people counted him as a friend. So what would he lose if he went with Frederick and Fam'tala? His life, possibly, if he ventured into the storm. But what would he gain? His life, possibly, if he made it to the oracle. So he was risking everything for everything. He ran his hand over the bandages on his leg. They were moist. He made his decision.

When he opened her door Fam'tala was standing as though she'd expected him. Neither spoke for a long while until she walked toward him, took his right hand in hers and said:

"I'll help you pack."

<So how's that? I'm thinking that the persons mentioned in Abd's addition can intercept the group as they leave, but that's me.>

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-09, 03:05 AM
I'm happy. Wow, I dodged building the story as well. I just threw together some sideplot involving baddies. Man, writing the middle chapters of a story is hard.

But I knew that from DMing.

Sophistemon
2006-08-09, 11:59 AM
Did I dodge the story? I got it so that they're leaving the compound...

PhoeKun
2006-08-09, 01:45 PM
"I'll help you pack."

"I..."

Jaques opened his mouth, but no words would come out. A swell of emotions, both positive and negative, joy and sadness, light and dark... the weight of his decision held him still, kept him gagged. After what seemed like an eternity, he withdrew his hand from Fam'tala's and shook his head.

"I'm... I'm ok. I need to do this myself."

Fam'tala smiled demurely, and followed Jaques to his room, but stayed out. For his part, Jaques allowed himself a smile. He wasn't going to pack - there was nothing worth bringing. He was going to say good bye. Good bye to the life he once knew.
-----------------------------
ooc: I'm so bad at moving action! Gah!

Sophistemon
2006-08-09, 09:45 PM
Good job. Who's next? I've forgotten...

Oh, right. It's Abd!

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-10, 12:36 AM
I'll post my next part tomorrow. This is fun.

Sophistemon
2006-08-10, 09:17 PM
Yeah, okay.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-10, 09:53 PM
Good bye to the life he once knew.

Jaques moved to his small cot and knelt down, keeping his weight on his good leg. He reached underneath the bed to produce a bound box, wrapped with purple ribbons. With precise and deliberate movements, he unbound the ribbons, coiling them one by one around his hand. The feel of the smooth silk, worn yet still strong, against his calloused skin was one of the few pleasures he would still allow himself.

Bindings gone, Jaques opened the box, drawing from it several sheets of parchment. Reading them over was hardly necessary- he knew the poems, line for line, word for word, as completely as he knew to breathe. He perused those lines not for their meaning, but for the letters, the words, the symbols themselves. Here, he could remember the ever so fleeting memory of little Elise scribing her stories for him.

But despite his efforts, despite beating his silk-sheathed fist against his brow, Jaques could not remember his sister's face.

Sophistemon
2006-08-10, 11:42 PM
Great, thanks for making me sad. Elise would be his poetic sister, right? I'll have my part up tomorrow.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-11, 04:05 AM
I'm sorry for making our dark fantasy story about a devastating storm depressing for you. Yes, that's his poetic sister I alluded to a few days ago. No one beat me to it.

Sophistemon, if you want a happy ending, beat me to the punch!

Sophistemon
2006-08-12, 01:09 AM
Aaaaaand I missed my turn. Dammit, I knew that I was forgetting something. Who's up next? How many people are still involved with this thing?

PhoeKun
2006-08-12, 01:31 AM
It's just the 3 of us, I believe. I guess that means I'm up?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-12, 01:46 AM
Where'd Brickwall disappear to? I seem to recall him posting on another board in the not-too-distant past. Like, yesterday. Let's get his pasty butt on over here!

PhoeKun
2006-08-12, 01:52 AM
That would involve PMing him, I suppose. I nominate anyone who isn't me for that job.

... so much lethargy...

Brickwall
2006-08-12, 02:00 PM
I posted recently? You lie.

Anyway, I will post something when my brain comes back. It must be on a lag from vacation.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-13, 03:00 AM
May I say one thing about this story thus far?

WE IS AWESOME!

Sophistemon
2006-08-13, 01:09 PM
I ARE AGREEING WITH YOU!

Don Beegles
2006-08-13, 01:56 PM
SO ARE I!!!

Err, um. IO'm not part of this, but I've been reading it, and it is very good. Keep it up.

Brickwall
2006-08-13, 11:16 PM
But despite his efforts, despite beating his silk-sheathed fist against his brow, Jaques could not remember his sister's face.

"You're not packing in there, are you?"

Jaques jumped higher than a house (which, suffice to say, is not high, as most houses even in this world cannot jump, and the ones that can are quite lousy at it). How could she have-?

"Oh, yeah, you probably forgot that I'm Gifted too. Well, I'll leave you alone to whatever you were doing with that silk around your hand."

Jaques was furious. He liked his privacy, especially when his family was concerned. Fam'tala was getting more disagreeable with every passing moment. But...if she was Gifted, surely she had a scar somewhere? Jaques decided it would be best not to pry into that; becoming what one hated was certainly despicable.

_______________

Yes, I am quite proficient in the use of semicolons. I love them; they are a writer's best friend.

PhoeKun
2006-08-14, 12:51 AM
This is a problem. This is a huge problem. I'll write something soon, but this needs to be adressed first.

We, as a group, need to decide what the deal is between Jaques and Fam'tala. This loathing just popped up out of nowhere, and frankly, I'm not sure what to do with it. Everything I was reading seemed to be leading to those awkward "early stages" of love... or at least the potential for it. The way you write, Brickwall, it seems like he hates her as much as the Storm itself.

This is a major discontinuity. If this story is going to hold water, we need to decide which direction this should go. Thoughts, anyone?

Sophistemon
2006-08-14, 01:03 AM
Allow me to say that, when I introduced the intruder as a woman, I planned for her to be a love interest. But I'm not the only one writing the story. He may well find her an annoyance. But could it be that he's just going through a bad patch at the moment? He is getting ready to leave everything he knows behind, you know.

Hmm. I suppose that there should be a vote as to whether or not Brickwall should change it.

PhoeKun
2006-08-14, 01:13 AM
I should clarify. The problem is not that the original plan (and let's face it, it was pretty obvious) might not be followed.

The problem is that we have different writers trying to push the same plot point in opposite directions. Whether it be changing what was written, or changing the way that relationship is approached from now on, we need to make a vote.

Personally, I prefer "potential love interest" to "irritating bitch", but I'd like to hear Brickwall's logic behind this, first.

Brickwall
2006-08-14, 01:20 AM
I'm glad you asked for my perspective before getting too riled.

I introduced this section to show Jaques's sensitivity about his family to the point of getting quite defensive about it. However, it also leads him in the end to be more curious about Fam'tala, and he's pretty much just trying to pretend he's still angry at her. Yes, he's lying to himself. I had planned to reveal that later. It's kind of a sarcastic/joking/semi-serious/serious tone there in that last sentence.

That said, the role of 'love interest' and 'irritating bitch' need not be played differently. I'm quite sure I can find some references outside of bad sitcoms.

Sophistemon
2006-08-14, 01:34 AM
Yeah, I say we go with his plan. His plan is goooood.

PhoeKun
2006-08-14, 01:37 AM
I see. Well, I obviously didn't catch the intended tone of the last sentence...

Eh, If nobody else has any problems with the wording, I don't mind running with it. *deep breath* Ok, I've got a thought going...

Brickwall
2006-08-14, 01:46 AM
I see. Well, I obviously didn't catch the intended tone of the last sentence...

Eh, If nobody else has any problems with the wording, I don't mind running with it. *deep breath* Ok, I've got a thought going...

To be honest, I didn't catch it easily enough on my re-read. I wrote it poorly. That's poor writing, right there. My bad.

PhoeKun
2006-08-14, 02:36 AM
Jaques decided it would be best not to pry into that; becoming what one hated was certainly despicable.


He beat his bare fist against the ground. He was angry - angrier than he had ever been... but at whom? Tears welled in his eyes, and he fought them back. If anything ever blemished his sister's poems, he'd never be able to forgive himself. He stroked the parchment lovingly, and tried once again to conjure an image of Elise. Again, nothing. He sighed, and slowly closed the lid on the box. Unwrapping his hand, Jaques didn't even notice that he was pocketing the silk. His limp was worse than ever and his hands clenched tightly into fists as he appeared in the doorway in front of Fam'tala once again.

"...Let's go."
------------------------

Thought: after we finish with this story, why don't we post it all together in a new thread without the breaks, and see what it looks like as a finished product? I'd be curious to see what people thought of it, and if they could tell it was written by multiple authors...

Brickwall
2006-08-14, 12:12 PM
'He stroked the parchment lovingly, and tried once again to conjure up an image of Elise'.

...

Okay, dude, Fam'tala was just joking. You're getting kinda weird now XP

PhoeKun
2006-08-14, 01:02 PM
I... er... what?

Is it really that bad?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-14, 04:52 PM
I didn't think so... Oh, and I agree, when this is done we should post it without all our writer breaks and insecurities.

My turn! I'll think something up soon!

Brickwall
2006-08-14, 05:55 PM
I... er... what?

Is it really that bad?

I'm just messing with you. Note to self: sarcasm is useless over the interweb.

PhoeKun
2006-08-17, 12:15 AM
*poke*

Hello? Everyone still alive?

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-17, 09:57 AM
[/lurker]

I am.

I hope ya'll dont let this die. I will cast

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c63/Reyalskrad/raise_thread.jpg

as many times as it takes.

Brickwall
2006-08-17, 11:01 AM
Last 3 Story bits-

Abd Al Azrad
Brickwall
PhoeKun

Sophistemon is here, somewhat. *Matteau hasn't posted for a month, and I somehow doubt he ever will again.

Motion to just say Sophistemon is next and make the above the new posting order.

PhoeKun
2006-08-17, 12:16 PM
I think we'd already settled on the fact that Matteau had bowed out due to consistent inability to meet deadlines.

Sophistemon is at his grandparents' house until sometime on Friday, so maybe you should just take the initiative and post, instead?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-17, 05:37 PM
Wow. Sorry, I've been having a mad hard time figuring out what next to say. I want to change chapters and settings, since I can hardly make them wandering through their little outpost dramatic. I think I'll just dive right in here without thinking my actions through properly.

---

"Let's go."

---

As Jaques, Fred and Fam'tala fought their way through the blinding rain and biting wind, they did not see the woman pass them by. Nor did they hear the promises she made to the shelter guards. Had they been a less determined group, they may have still been within hearing range of the shelter doors opening for the woman. But the part that happened next was done in silence. Only one person managed to speak at all after the woman had gained access to the shelter- and he only spoke long enough to tell the thing they had let inside from the storm of the three who had gone out, seeking their Oracle.

How could we have missed them? We should have sensed them. [i]How shall we track those we cannot sense? [they seek hope we shall find what they seek and we shall wait]

"I wonder if the town will be able to survive a few days without you there to run things, Jaques," Fred joked.

---

Sorry, Sophistemon... the baddies I had in mind, I really didn't want to meet the protagonists just yet. The way I run things, this would have been a short story. ;)

Speaking of which, we have three extra people who showed interest in joining the story before we started: Extra_Crispy, Papa Smurf Vaynor and Ivan McK. We do need a replacement for Mattaeu, after all.

BTW, thanks to everyone so far for their apparent unwelcome posting here, telling us how good y'all think we're doing here! Granted, I don't think Sophistemon wants too much clutter in the thread, but I like hearing feedback!

PhoeKun
2006-08-17, 08:50 PM
I think Extra Crispy fell off the face of the earth, and Vaynor has had something like 3 name changes in the interim, but... yeah, we could probably use an alternate. We'll just leave the choice up to Sophis and his dice.

Oh, and thanks to everyone so far for their feedback. We writer's thrive on commentary and ego feeding. It's more important than oxygen!

Brickwall
2006-08-17, 09:32 PM
Ego's like oxygen,
You get too much you get too hi-igh,
Not enough and you're going to die,
It gets you high.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-18, 02:01 AM
Ego's like oxygen,
You get too much you get too hi-igh,
Not enough and you're going to die,
It gets you high.

Can you take me higher?
To a place where bliiind men seeee?
Can you take meee hiiigher?
To a place above the O3?

That may have sucked royally...

Extra_Crispy
2006-08-18, 05:55 AM
I did not fall off the face of the earth at least not physically. Mentally is a different matter. I am enjoying the story very very much and would love to join in BUT I continue searching for that BSN degree on monday and work part time. Time is something that I lack now and that will become non-existant in the very near future. As such I really cant accept an offer to join and then fail to ever type anything.

Either way I am really enjoying the story and it is one of the few things that keeps me awake as I sit here at my night job. Keep it up guys!

PhoeKun
2006-08-20, 05:37 PM
You know, sooner or later, one of us is going to have to post something here.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-20, 06:03 PM
You know, sooner or later, one of us is going to have to post something here.

Hey, I just went! Someone else's turn! I don't think it would really be in the spirit of the topic for me to write the whole story from here on. ;)

Brickwall
2006-08-21, 02:22 AM
I'll take it, but give me a bit. I have...schedule conflicts. With being happy.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-23, 02:20 AM
Look, it's been nearly six days since I last updated this story. Are we having difficulty writing it? Are we having difficulty deciding where to go next? I like the idea of Round-Robin storytelling, but if we're all as intimidated by the project as I know I am, let's talk a bit and think out where we want to go with this thing. At least that way we'll have some idea of what to write about.

I recall a dream sequence that was almost certainly going to come back up, I recall a kid sister who apparently died/was lost long ago, I recall a traumatic event that caused our hero to become a crippled herald, I recall a whole bunch of undefined terms (gift, boon, denizen hunter, herald). Shall we work through these a bit so we don't get scared of writing on them? PMs if nothing else, private forum if deemed necessary, or right out in public if it's easy?

Brickwall
2006-08-23, 03:56 AM
Okay, I think it's time to move onto 'chapter' two, the point in which we've acknowledged that the plot has taken a step forward. I will write as if that is the truth, but voting may be done to strike it.

______________

Wandering in the storm for even seconds at a time was considered dangerous. Going out for days was suicidal. That's why only Denizen Hunters did it. Jaques was no Denizen Hunter, at least not yet.

"Remind me again how we tell the Stormberries from the safe ones?" asked Jaques, clearly weary from traveling.

"You ask a Hunter, Jaques. You'll learn once you've gotten some standard training," replied Fred, as if it were a trained response. Jaques did not speak up again, and went back to eating his tiny meal of berries and a piece of rabbit meat.

"We were really lucky to find an untainted rabbit this deep into the Storm. This may be the last meat we have for another few days, so savor it," Fam'tala warned Jaques. He didn't need to be told twice. Fred looked like he was about to say something, but suddenly Fam'tala got a look on her face that would distress a battle-hardened soldier. "Oh, saints and heathens, we'd never survive." Jaques was simply confused, but Fred seemed to understand.

"How many and how big, 'tala? And, more importantly, how fast."

"I-it's just one," she stammered out, "one with the power of thousands. It's incredible, it's impossible, it's...no, no, there's gotta be something wrong with my senses. Nothing is that powerful, nothing on this continent."

Jaques wasn't sure what they were talking about, but he knew that he could definitely refute the last part.

"The ice bridges of the Formud Ocean were ocean-spanning last winter. Anything lighter than a blackwood could get across. Is it time to run now?"

The stream of curses that came out of Fam'tala's mouth surprised even Fred as she destroyed the encampment and picked up her stuff. "Run, it can't cover land as fast as we can until it's dark, and the sun rose not two hours ago!"

Fred and Jaques followed suit, following Fam'tala at a fast walk.

How can she tell where the sun-or anything is? Maybe that's her Gift.

_________

Brain...depleted...can't...imagine...ugh. *falls to the ground dead*

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-23, 12:27 PM
Nice, Brickwall. Nice. Expanding our world is always appreciated.

PhoeKun
2006-08-23, 12:38 PM
Agreed. Now, what can I do with this...

Brickwall
2006-08-23, 02:54 PM
The ocean and blackwood trees need not ever be brought up again. I just wanted the menace to be even more menacing by also being alien, even to experienced warriors. Still, it is there if anyone decides to use it.

And, yes, I realize that ice bridges across entire oceans are quite impossible in the real world. Damn good thing this is a magical fantasy world, eh?

Sophistemon
2006-08-23, 07:43 PM
That was really good!

And I'm sorry that I haven't been as attentive as I should be. I've had a lot of Summer Projects to work on and now school started up for me again. When my schedule settles down I'll be able to post more frequently.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-24, 02:14 AM
And, yes, I realize that ice bridges across entire oceans are quite impossible in the real world. *Damn good thing this is a magical fantasy world, eh?

Isn't that how the Native Americans first came to North America?

PhoeKun
2006-08-24, 02:55 AM
No, that was a land bridge.

Relevent addition: I'll have my part up tomorrow... I hope.

Brickwall
2006-08-24, 03:50 PM
Also it was:

Across a strait, the narrowest part of the entire ocean, or of any ocean.
Only able to be formed during the post-ice age. It will never form again. Ever.

So, yeah, difference. And, like Shopie said, most of it was land.

PhoeKun
2006-08-25, 12:12 AM
Well, I certainly blew that whole 'tomorrow' thing, and as I will be computerless for a few days starting in a couple of hours, I think it's best if we just skipped over me for now.

Nuts.

Brickwall
2006-08-25, 12:23 AM
I think that the posting order has gotten mutilated to the point where the only rules are 'no double-posting' and 'keep the thread alive'. Don't be too upset.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-08-25, 01:05 AM
I'm really sorry about this, but I'm going to a backwards country with no Internet for the next ten days (until the 4th of Septemer). Actually, I'm going to Maine, but we have no internet there for some reason. Anyways, no contributions from my side for a bit. :'(

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-26, 04:15 AM
How can she tell where the sun-or anything is? Maybe that's her Gift.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It turned suddenly. From the chaos of the thousand voices in its form, one sentance kept coming up. "There walks one with food.There walks one with food.There walks one with food.Th---" It turned its concentration from the cacophany of its raging, chaotic mind, and focus outwards, the spirit focusing the many to search.

Then they all knew. There walked three, unsheltered, and still living in the storm. These would make fine additions to his collection of power. Once they were added to the Gestalt, they, no HE, would be even stronger than before.

With a stuttering start, The Spirit rolled his form in thier direction, and formed legs out of his fleshy mass. Two legs, four legs, a dozen, a hundred, a thousand legs began running across the wilds. Of course, with the sun beginning it's path over the sky, His control was limited... But once it set, and he regained control... The food would be HIS!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-

Brickwall
2006-08-26, 06:34 PM
Calling into question: snow? Last winter generally implies that this winter has yet to come, and so there is no snow yet. I call into vote that the seasonal weather should not include snow at this point.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-27, 04:31 AM
Yep, that's what you call a brainfart. :P :-[ IDK, i heard storm, and thought snow. Post modded.

Brickwall
2006-08-27, 04:49 AM
It's a storm of chaos-lightning-stuff, not snow.

Anyway, I guess you just forced the next person to contribute to the actual main plot. Am I the only one who enjoys writing the main character stuff rather than going into random (or even not-so-random) sidetracks?

Waitaminute

Uh, Ivan, no offense, but why are you even writing this? I've seen no official posting that you're currently a storymaker (although Sophie mighta said something and I missed it).

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-27, 05:28 AM
teehee.. silent ninja indeed. I never eally got accepted, but since the past posting order has been

you
abd
you
phoe-kun
you
abd

and abd is going to be gone, i decided to suprise yall. I could delete it, but you started with five, and are down now...

Brickwall
2006-08-27, 05:32 AM
Sorry, we don't look well on scabs. Get a Round-Robin membership and maybe we can talk business.

And that, like all other things, must be voted on.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-27, 07:20 AM
So be it. I put forward that this needs new members. Probably drawn from those who originally expressed interest.

PhoeKun
2006-08-28, 08:40 AM
I, for one, do appreciate the thought of trying to jumpstart this. That said, I do not like the presumption that it would be fine to just jump in and write without asking. We may be a bunch of flakes incapable of sticking to a deadline (as all true writers are...), but there are still rules to be followed, and it wouldn't have killed you to have asked.

As for the specific contribution, I would just as soon see it stricken from the record... which it technically is already, seeing as it isn't an official submission. Not that it's poorly written or anything, but I think a paragraph from the random horrible beast's perspective is unneccesary. We already have so many filters due to the multitude of authors; if we continue to jump around and look at things through the eyes of every single being that shows up in the story, the reader will be lost amongst them...

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-28, 03:16 PM
Meh, Doesn't bother me. I had thought to make him a recurring baddy. It's fine. I formally submit my application to this story.

Brickwall
2006-08-28, 03:40 PM
Also, in a dark setting like this, I'd prefer not to have any sort of recurring villains have names like bad supervillains.

"Cower in fear, the Gestalt is here! Beware my combination of the abilities from two classes!"

Don Beegles
2006-08-28, 06:31 PM
I agree with Brickwall, it doesn't qork as a name.

I understadn that you meant a being that is greater than teh sum of its parts, but on a DnD website, gestalt no longer has that meaning.

No, I'm not a member of RRS or do I wish to become one. I have, however, read it from teh beginning, and when I read about teh gestalt, I cringed a little.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-30, 01:40 AM
Like i've said before, it doesn't bother me. Just with my post, it's been 4 days since story progress, and without it, it's been 7. I'd like to keep the story rolling, above all else.

Brickwall
2006-08-30, 11:18 AM
So would I, but without your post, it's my turn, with it, the story hasn't progressed at all anyway. None of the others really seem to want to write anymore.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-30, 01:04 PM
...I rest my case ;)

How would the name 'Legion" work? or shouldi scrap that post, and try something new?

... ... Or do we let this die?

Brickwall
2006-08-30, 01:27 PM
I was kinda thinking that the crazy evil thing, y'know, didn't have to be some amalgam of creatures? That maybe it could just be something powerful naturally? I mean, when you think about it, how the hell does that whole 'absorbing' thing work? Makes no sense.

Anyway, I'll send PMs out shortly.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-30, 02:41 PM
I was tying it to the storm, something like all the victims left to die to it would form together, leaving for an interesting scene when Jack sees the face of someone he used to know, and freezes up. Only an idea.

PhoeKun
2006-08-30, 04:20 PM
If you ask me, the storm should not be quite so ubiquitous as to be the cause of everything that happens in this story. I mean, yeah, it's the main focus and everything, but we should still recognize that it is a part of the world, and not the other way around.

By the way, I'm still here, and still interested in writing, but I was waiting for more votes on the most recent addition before adding anything myself. I'd prefer to just scrap that part, and work Ivan McK in as a writer after that. Thoughts?

Sophistemon
2006-08-30, 04:51 PM
Ahem. I would like to apologize for for my not being here lately. As I said before, school has started and my schedule was wonky. Okay, so...

I'm going to hold tryouts again, if that's okay with everyone. Those of us that were of the original group, excluding Matteau, don't need to reapply; you're already in. I only exclude Matteau because he has stated that he will no longer be posting here. So. If it's okay with everyone, I will be sending out invitations. Feel free to suggest people that you would like to have join, and I will choose three to six new people to add to our number. To those of you that read this thread and do not post, please apply. With the new people added to the thread the likelihood of story-stagnation is lessened immensely.

Oh, and if it wasn't apparent already, I'm going to start posting again. So right now we have:
Myself, Sophistemon
PhoeKun
Brickwall
and
Abd al-Azrad, though he is away at the moment.
If I get six new people to join we will have ten, which is a fine number. We will post in the order I draw every-one's names out of a hat, as before. I think that this will solve our problems. Questions, comments, degradations?

Brickwall
2006-08-30, 06:14 PM
I think 10 is too many. 4 is quite chaotic, but 10 will just be like a screwball game of 'telephone'.

6, max, IMO.

PhoeKun
2006-08-30, 07:43 PM
Agreed. 10 people will create too many different filters, and the reader will lose interest. We could use another 1 or 2 to spur more activity (a big part of the reason I haven't posted anything of late is that nobody else was, which kind of dried my enthusiasm for it...), but 10 is just asking for trouble.

Sophistemon
2006-08-30, 08:13 PM
Right-o, then. We have four, we need two more. Any suggestions on who I should invite?

Oh, I forgot to mention this earlier. I would like to thank you guys for keeping this thread alive as I got settled in to my senior year. You've done great, and I appreciate it.

Brickwall
2006-08-30, 08:37 PM
Well, having the whole "gestalt" idea from being put into the story seems a goal enough for me, but other than that I have little to offer until we start up again.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-08-31, 10:14 AM
How can she tell where the sun-or anything is? Maybe that's her Gift.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It turned suddenly. From the chaos of the thousand voices in its form, one sentance kept coming up. "There walks one with food.There walks one with food.There walks one with food.Th---" It turned its concentration from the cacophany of its raging, chaotic mind, and focus outwards, the spirit focusing the many to search.

Then they all knew. There walked three, unsheltered, and still living in the storm. These would make fine additions to his collection of power. Once they were added to the Gestalt, they, no HE, would be even stronger than before.

With a stuttering start, The Spirit rolled his form in thier direction, and formed legs out of his fleshy mass. Two legs, four legs, a dozen, a hundred, a thousand legs began running across the wilds. Of course, with the sun beginning it's path over the sky, His control was limited... But once it set, and he regained control... The food would be HIS!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-



Roight. Scrap that, then. I'd like to get in. (again :P)

PhoeKun
2006-08-31, 01:15 PM
Well, then I guess your in the hat o' random drawing.

It's all up to Sophis and his hat...

Sophistemon
2006-08-31, 07:50 PM
Okay, I sent out the invitations. As soon as I get two replies I'll put names in the hat and we can get this going again!

Vaynor
2006-09-01, 06:58 PM
Apparently I am joining this. Hello! I'll read the thread asap.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-02, 02:52 PM
whats the new posting order?

PhoeKun
2006-09-02, 05:30 PM
As I understand it, Sophis is out of town until Sunday. When he returns, presumably we'll have our new posting order.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-04, 10:32 PM
I'm back from my soul vacation. And apparently quoting Train. I swear I'll be back to my old horrid self by the time we start writing again!

Brickwall
2006-09-04, 11:15 PM
That may not be soon, to say the least.

Sophistemon
2006-09-05, 06:03 PM
It'll be sooner than you think, Brickwall.

The new posting order is:

PhoeKun
Ivan Mck
Myself, Sophistemon
Abd al-Azrad
Vaynor
and Brickwall.

I would like to welcome our new arrivals and to remind them to read through the thread if they have not already. I shall reiterate the rules:
Members have a maximum of 24 hours to post their contribution, which can not exceed two paragraphs. If a poster fails to make his 24-hour deadline, the person following him in the posting order takes his place. Conversely, as soon as someone posts, the person after him may take their turn. This means that it is possible for every member to post in the same day.

Should I need to expand on anything, please mention it and I shall do so.

PhoeKun, we may begin when you are ready.

<I would also like to take this time to apologize for not posting this two days ago; Ernesto knocked my power out.>

Brickwall
2006-09-06, 05:07 PM
We need to clarify the rules for dialogue. Since each time a person speaks, it's a paragraph, we should probably say how many lines total dialogue is a paragraph, or something.

Sophistemon
2006-09-06, 06:00 PM
Good point. Perhaps... perhaps the limit should be... no more than one-half of a computer page? Does that make sense?

PhoeKun
2006-09-07, 01:22 AM
That makes sense to me.

Also, blarg. I got all busy, and wasn't able to post today... er, yesterday, techincally. If you don't mind waiting a little while longer, I can have something. If you do mind, I'll understand if you skip me this go around.

PhoeKun
2006-09-07, 05:07 PM
How can she tell where the sun-or anything is? Maybe that's her Gift.

Jaques didn't ask questions, and he didn't complain. He simply ran, struggling to keep up with the others. He didn't know what he was running from, and he didn't know how Fam'tala knew they even needed to run, but he didn't care. All he knew was that Frederick and Fam'tala were running, and that he didn't want to be left alone.

And so he ran, for what felt like an eternity. With each new step, his leg threatened to give out from underneath him, but he pressed on through sheer force of will. And then, suddenly, Fam'tala called a halt to their flight. She gazed aprehensively back at the ground they had covered.

"Damn it..."
-------------------------------

I should have just let my turn pass. I'll do better as we get back into the swing of things, I promise.

Sophistemon
2006-09-08, 10:17 PM
Naw, I thought it was good. Ivan's up!

ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-10, 04:00 AM
Damn it...

Glancing around, Jaques couldn't see what was different from this windswept patch of plains than from the few miles they had been running over for the past hour. A confused look passed across his eyes, one that was, to his dismay, mirrored on the face of Frederick.

"What's going on, Fam'tala? What's so damning?" he asked.

Her face draining, she barely managed to get out:

"He's cut us off, somehow circled around. We can't go on in this direction, but this is the most direct way to the Oracle."

Sophistemon
2006-09-10, 10:52 AM
(Well done, Ivan)

"He's cut us off, somehow circled around. We can't go on in this direction, but this is the most direct way to the Oracle."

Fred grimaced, which was made truly horrible by his scars.

"Okay," he said. "What do we do? What are our options?" Jaques turned to Fam'tala and, worry creeping into his voice, said:

"Can we fight it? Can it be killed?" Frederick shook his head.

"It can die, but we can't kill it. That's why we were running; we wouldn't stand a chance."

"But why?" asked Jaques. "What is that thi- argh!" A searing pain ran through his weeping leg, causing him to fall to one knee and clutch it. He could feel the salty damp of its tears through the bandage and was amazed. It's never cried this much before, he thought. Fred helped him to his feet.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Can you run?" Jaques breathed deeply.

"I think so," he said, before another blast of pain returned him to the ground.

Fam'tala's face was bone-white. "It's coming," she whispered.

(Ugh, that certainly isn't my best work. Question: are they in a wooded area? I thought so at first, but when I looked back I couldn't find it.)

EDIT
(Oh, and Abd is up.)

Brickwall
2006-09-10, 11:57 AM
Whoa...this is starting to get like the Oracle is supposed to be the end of the book. I can't see that working well. Does anyone else agree that we should strive to get them to the oracle sooner rather than later?

Really, I had originally intended the Oracle journey to be just Chapter 2, the Oracle visit Chapter 3, and then have room for a story that could really center around Jaques. I realize the point is that intentions are supposed to be mangled, but do we really want a "yes/no" answer to be the turning point of the story?

Besides, it's hard enough for me to imagine that something slower than them cut them off when they were going as quickly and directly as possible. And Fam'tala seems to be able to sense its movements and direction, so she'd have known what it was doing when it started doing it. This goes to "plot device" in my mind, and I've never liked those.

Sophistemon
2006-09-10, 12:06 PM
(I am subject to agree, but I must write with what I am given, and I was given the monster somehow catching up.
...
Also, I have a plan for his leg. Whether or not it reaches fruition is up to you guys, but... meh. Though this does not have to be a final-battle monster. This may just be a powerful adversary, not necessarily the primary antagonist. And it would be nice to get some action in. I am certainly open to suggestions.
...
That got long. My point is: Confrontation with the monster does not equal the end of the book. There is still plenty of time for our heroes to reach the Oracle, and... do other stuff. I can't say what because nothing's set in stone at this point.)

EDIT
(GAH! I keep thinking of things. The storm gives people and things strange abilities, correct? Perhaps the creature is gifted with abnormal speed. This would explain how it could catch up to them. Just a thought.)

PhoeKun
2006-09-10, 12:36 PM
(Re: Story pacing - personally, I never intended for the Oracle to be the turning point of the story, but when this monster showed up, I figured it would be the focus of Chapter 2... and that's pretty much it. I wish it had been described as having the power of hundreds rather than thousands, lest later challenges be forced to have the power of millions to avoid looking weak by comparison, but... meh.

At any rate, concerning this monster: doesn't the fact that it can circle around from behind them to cut them off imply that it is, in fact, much faster than they are? Caution needs to be applied at this point - the opponent is superior in practically every way. Unless Jaques leg goes all Deus ex Machina on us, but I'd rather not resort to that so soon...)

ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-10, 02:39 PM
(Re: Deus-ex-machina

Have his leg's tears do wierd things in the hieght of the storm. Like an AMF as a ption or something. Collect his tears to stop other storm powers. He could use his bandage as a wet club, each blow lowering its power. Decent idea.)

Brickwall
2006-09-10, 02:49 PM
Uhh...I think he meant we shouldn't be doing that. As in, you know, no scriptor-ex-machina. When most people think of those, they have negative thoughts. If Luke, when he got his hand chopped off, suddenly turned into the living embodiment of the force and pwned Darth, don't you think the movie would have sucked (more, if you feel so inclined)?

Sophistemon
2006-09-10, 09:38 PM
Collect his tears to stop other storm powers.
(I like that idea. Remember that for later.)

Brickwall
2006-09-10, 11:38 PM
(I like that idea. Remember that for later.)

Seconded. But not as a deus-ex-machina. It should be knwon before it is used, otherwise it seems like a cheap device.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-11, 01:51 AM
Fam'tala's face was bone-white. "It's coming," she whispered.

There was no cover. There was nothing for them to do but wait. A sheet of ice as far as the eye could see in all directions. If Fam'tala was right, it could not be killed, and there was nowhere to hide. They were doomed.

Except...

"Last winter, this ice was so thick, a man could walk upon it, so long as he was careful?" Jaques asked.

"It's what we've been relying upon. How anything could move so fast over the ice, I have no idea..." Fam'tala replied.

"But what if we're not careful?"

Jaques, not waiting for a response, immediately lunged at Fred and Fam'tala, grabbing one in each arm and hitting what looked to be a thin spot. With a solid*crack, the ice gave way beneath the near four hundred pounds of the three of them hitting it hard.

The water below was freezing, like burning knives stabbing into every part of his body, but Jaques knew he had to keep conscious. He had to keep hold of his comrades. But most importantly, he had to keep sight of the hole he had made.

---

Fixing this bit in progress. See below for this update.

Brickwall
2006-09-11, 03:31 PM
Sheet of ice? *Where did that come from? *How did they get to a giant lake? *That seems like deus ex lacusto me. *Maybe you could at least mention that there's a lake there before you just say "they see ice everywhere"? *Or did someone already mention that they were near one?

\/ We discussed it, somewhere, I think, yes. I can't find it, but we did discuss it. The only evidence I have to say that it's not winter, however is this:

1. It was raining at the beginning of the book.
2. I think somewhere, they found berries. Berries are not winter foods.

PhoeKun
2006-09-11, 03:59 PM
I could swear we had settled earlier on the fact that this is spring or some other time of year without craploads of ice...

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-11, 04:54 PM
Wandering in the storm for even seconds at a time was considered dangerous. *Going out for days was suicidal. *That's why only Denizen Hunters did it. *Jaques was no Denizen Hunter, at least not yet.

"Remind me again how we tell the Stormberries from the safe ones?" asked Jaques, clearly weary from traveling.

"You ask a Hunter, Jaques. *You'll learn once you've gotten some standard training," replied Fred, as if it were a trained response. *Jaques did not speak up again, and went back to eating his tiny meal of berries and a piece of rabbit meat.

"We were really lucky to find an untainted rabbit this deep into the Storm. *This may be the last meat we have for another few days, so savor it," Fam'tala warned Jaques. *He didn't need to be told twice. *Fred looked like he was about to say something, but suddenly Fam'tala got a look on her face that would distress a battle-hardened soldier. *"Oh, saints and heathens, we'd never survive." *Jaques was simply confused, but Fred seemed to understand.

"How many and how big, 'tala? *And, more importantly, how fast."

"I-it's just one," she stammered out, "one with the power of thousands. *It's incredible, it's impossible, it's...no, no, there's gotta be something wrong with my senses. *Nothing is that powerful, nothing on this continent."

Jaques wasn't sure what they were talking about, but he knew that he could definitely refute the last part.

"The ice bridges of the Formud Ocean were ocean-spanning last winter. *Anything lighter than a blackwood could get across. *Is it time to run now?"

The stream of curses that came out of Fam'tala's mouth surprised even Fred as she destroyed the encampment and picked up her stuff. *"Run, it can't cover land as fast as we can until it's dark, and the sun rose not two hours ago!"

Fred and Jaques followed suit, following Fam'tala at a fast walk.

How can she tell where the sun-or anything is? *Maybe that's her Gift.

Maybe this is where my confusion came from. That and that they had been running for some indefinate length of time away from the thing, covering vast stretches of land. I thought they were trying to cross some form of ice-bridge. I'm happy to rewrite that bit, after all, it does seem to come out of nowhere.

Sophistemon
2006-09-11, 06:39 PM
I think that that would be best. Perhaps...
Naw. A miraculous rescue would sound dumb. We don't want our heroes to sound incompetent.

Hmm. We've established (or discussed) that Jaques leg-tears can cure the mutations, that Fam'talla can sense monsters (among other things) but we have not yet given Fred a power. Perhaps now is a good time to see what he can do...

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-11, 07:27 PM
God, how do I resolve this part, without deus ex machina? Stupid superpowerful monster. I knew that would be a problem when I made it up...

Okay, here's try #2.

---


Fam'tala's face was bone-white. "It's coming," she whispered.

The three were still, Jaques bent to one knee, Fam'tala shaking slightly as she struggled to remain conscious. Even though the rain beat down upon them, and the wind howled loud enough to deafen, they barely felt these miseries.

Why aren't we running? thought Fred. Jaques has decided to take a break, and Fam won't even look for another way to go. It's almost as if...

Fred looked to his comrades, back and forth. It was as if their Gifts were turning on them- Jaques' crippled leg left worthless, Fam'tala's sight now blinding her to the world. Could this be the workings of their enemy? Could this thing have such power over the Gifted? Fred had to chance the use of his own blessing, even though it would likely leave him at this creature's mercy. Reaching out, he laid a disfigured hand on each of his companions, and felt their strength coursing just beneath their flesh.

Exhale. Prepare myself.

Inhale.

Jaques lept to his feet as Fred collapsed behind him. Fam'tala spun around, seizing Fred before he struck the ground, cursing inventively.

"What just happened?" Jaques demanded.

"The daft fool took our Gifts into himself. Something's poisoning them against us, and he's taken that poison. He'll be out for hours." Fam'tala sighed, and took Fred's considerable weight onto her shoulders.

"But, how are we supposed to get away from that... thing... with him like this?"

"It was a trick. Something out here is messing with our Gifts, and it played my senses. That thing, whatever it is, is still out here somewhere, but we've put miles between us. Quick, help me carry Fred. We'll find shelter, and wait until he comes to."

---

Once again, I attempt to stave off the conflict between our heroes and their foe. Let's see if this attempt sits better.

Vaynor
2006-09-11, 08:00 PM
Can I not go yet? Maybe Brickwall could go first? I haven't had time to read the thread yet. But I will right now. ;D

PhoeKun
2006-09-11, 08:10 PM
You've got 24 hours to read the thread and then think about what you want to post. If you can't get something up, no biggie, but... don't be so eager to throw away your turn.

Brickwall
2006-09-11, 08:19 PM
Uhh...guys? I actually did establish Fred's power! Heehee! He has the power of shaping, which is considered a Boon, a more powerful classification of Gift. He could, conceivably, make a knot out of a tree (that powerful?), or make a chair out of a hunk of wood. Sorry, but maybe that will be useful to you?

Vaynor
2006-09-11, 08:26 PM
You've got 24 hours to read the thread and then think about what you want to post. If you can't get something up, no biggie, but... don't be so eager to throw away your turn.
I was just asking if I could go one turn later, of someone maybe wants to go ahead and go. If not, I'll post it in a bit.

EDIT: Can't today, got to go. :P

Sophistemon
2006-09-11, 08:50 PM
Uhh...guys? I actually did establish Fred's power! Heehee! He has the power of shaping, which is considered a Boon, a more powerful classification of Gift. He could, conceivably, make a knot out of a tree (that powerful?), or make a chair out of a hunk of wood. Sorry, but maybe that will be useful to you?
When was that? Had I know I would not have suggested... dammit, I'm a fool...

Ego Slayer
2006-09-11, 09:21 PM
Hey guys!
I just finished reading the thread so far and it's lookin' good. ^_^

I am very jealous of your abilities to pick up on the loose ends of the previous post. I love writing but I'm not sure if I could do that.
Well done. ;D

Sophistemon
2006-09-11, 09:34 PM
Isn't it ironic for someone called 'Ego Slayer' to inflate people's egos?

In any case, thank you for the compliment.

PhoeKun
2006-09-11, 09:42 PM
When was that? Had I know I would not have suggested... dammit, I'm a fool...



"And waste what little money I have? I think not. I'd rather be secure, thank you." But Jaques was lying to Fred and himself. He'd always dreamed of being rich and famous; everyone did. But he had no money or talent. Frederick had a Boon, so everyone knew he'd be special before he saw an Oracle. The way he could shape objects was beyond anything short of a Boon. But Jaques...he had a practiced voice.


That's when. Way back in the beginning. Go PhoeKun and his mighty magic memory!

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-11, 09:42 PM
Uhh...guys? *I actually did establish Fred's power! *Heehee! *He has the power of shaping, which is considered a Boon, a more powerful classification of Gift. *He could, conceivably, make a knot out of a tree (that powerful?), or make a chair out of a hunk of wood. *Sorry, but maybe that will be useful to you?

Hm. All these story bits I seem to have missed are beginning to annoy me. I guess I've given him another power in my latest update... Once again, we can always rewrite stuff that doesn't work- after all, that's how we get a story written well.

PhoeKun
2006-09-11, 09:50 PM
I don't think another rewrite is in order. This isn't the most grevious of continuity breaches, and we need to strive to continue with the story.

While its important to avoid massive continuity errors, we can catch the little things when we compile the story and do our first string of real edits.

Ego Slayer
2006-09-11, 09:52 PM
Isn't it ironic for someone called 'Ego Slayer' to inflate people's egos?

In any case, thank you for the compliment.

Right before I clicked the thread again I thought "Shouldn't I be telling them that they suck and are terrible writers?" ;)

Mmm, not when it comes to fantasy though.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-11, 10:00 PM
Right before I clicked the thread again I thought "Shouldn't I be telling them that they suck and are terrible writers?" ;)

You're a sweetheart.

Brickwall
2006-09-11, 10:01 PM
Isn't it ironic for someone called 'Ego Slayer' to inflate people's egos?

In any case, thank you for the compliment.

Hee, that's pretty much exactly what I was gonna say.

Anyway, giving Fred 2 powers seems a bit odd, since the one I mentioned is already pretty powerful. Question that is kinda important: do we want to make Fred that powerful, and yet make him so easily vulnerable?

By the way, the poisoning powers idea is good for this evil thing. I like it.

Sophistemon
2006-09-11, 10:09 PM
Perhaps Fred could simply 'shape' some dirt and stone into a protective dome? Or, better yet, encase the beast?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-11, 10:11 PM
Hee, that's pretty much exactly what I was gonna say.

Anyway, giving Fred 2 powers seems a bit odd, since the one I mentioned is already pretty powerful. *Question that is kinda important: do we want to make Fred that powerful, and yet make him so easily vulnerable?

I'm fine making Fred extremely powerful, simply because it allows me to create a dependency on his abilities by his companions, so that when the... unexpected... happens, they'll be hit very hard. Besides, we wanted to make this a fantasy story, after all, and fantasy is driven by powerful heroes.


By the way, the poisoning powers idea is good for this evil thing. *I like it.

This is also why I'm not terribly worried about making the good guys powerful. The bad guys can always be made more powerful, in interesting ways.

Brickwall
2006-09-11, 10:12 PM
Who said it was a beast? It's just powerful and mean. Granted, most people here seem to agree upon beast, and I would rather go with the majority than fight it, but do think about it. Weren't the first two strange creatures to appear human-like?

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-11, 10:14 PM
Who said it was a beast? *It's just powerful and mean. *Granted, most people here seem to agree upon beast, and I would rather go with the majority than fight it, but do think about it. *Weren't the first two strange creatures to appear human-like?

Well, in case people care, my idea behind this thing was that it was something of a shape-shifting minion of a greater power. I have not decided whether that minion was the same one that poisoned Fam'tala's visions or not.

Sophistemon
2006-09-11, 10:46 PM
I said 'beast' when I meant 'enemy'. My bad.

Vaynor
2006-09-11, 10:56 PM
I'm almost done reading it, you can expect it sometime tonight.

Sophistemon
2006-09-11, 11:09 PM
Great, though maybe it would be best to wait until we've resolved our current problem.

Abd al-Azrad
2006-09-11, 11:13 PM
Great, though maybe it would be best to wait until we've resolved our current problem.
You mean me, right? The current problem is me.

Speaking of which, can we get a vote on this one? That is, technically, how we do things. I vote we keep the latest entry for obvious (it's mine) and subtle (it's interesting and resolves the conflict indirectly) reasons.

Brickwall
2006-09-11, 11:14 PM
I vote we at least change it because it contradicts me and IGOTHEREFIRST.

Sophistemon
2006-09-11, 11:22 PM
You mean me, right? The current problem is me.
No, you are not the problem. Your writing is superb. The problem is that we have a plot inconsistency that could whip around and bite us in our asses at a later date.

Vaynor
2006-09-11, 11:30 PM
Ok, I finished reading it. I can post whenever you want me too. Just PM me.

PhoeKun
2006-09-11, 11:39 PM
You've already got my vote...

clarification: this is in no way addressed to Vaynor.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-13, 10:25 AM
I'm glad i'm not the only one who thought it was snowy...

PhoeKun
2006-09-14, 11:43 AM
Uh, guys? We're stagnating again...

Vaynor
2006-09-14, 06:41 PM
Ok, I guess I should post now? Expect a post within the next 30 minutes.

PhoeKun
2006-09-14, 06:54 PM
Ideally, you should have posted 3 days ago, but... meh.