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ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-21, 10:21 AM
Ode to a Sleeping Kitten

Oh you furry feline,
with your sanguine form,
laying on the window sill,
in the sunlight, warm.

In your sleep your tail tip twitches
filling me with glee.
Your face is drawn into a smile,
which then is spread to me.

I cannot help but feel this way
when i see you doze;
It makes me feel all warm and fluffy,
from my head down to my toes.

And then you yawn and stretch and wake,
your sleep is done, it seems.
You hop down from your napping place
and your green eyes gleam.

Your eyes tell tales of mighty hunts,
attacks with fangs and claws.
You seem almost ready to attack
and yet you now give pause.

You stretch again, and yawn once more
and curl into a ball.
Again into the depths of sleep
you have begun to fall.

~fin~

{post #2^10. woohoo!}

Hydrogelic
2006-09-21, 10:33 AM
Where can i read more . I crave suppliment to this delectable ballard .

bosssmiley
2006-09-21, 10:55 AM
"sanguine"? *:-/

edit: Aaaah, I'd forgotten the word could be used in the sense of bullishly cheerful. That's fitting.

Nicely evocative. GJ.

Mattaeu
2006-09-21, 12:22 PM
"sanguine"? :-/
OED: 'disposed to hopefulness or confidence of success.'

...I share the :-/-ness; it's a fine word, just a tad overwritten if you ask me.

(and that definition was the fourth of five; 'sanguine' adj. usually refers to some bloody coloring or redness. so i guess if the cat's form is red...then yeah...but

:-/)

Nostrabel
2006-09-21, 01:46 PM
:'( :'( :'( Made me remember my kitty... (he died last month... :-[)

Tanking_101
2006-09-21, 02:04 PM
awww (http://www.plinkomedia.com/media/kittens/kitten_sleep.jpg)

this (http://www.oz-q.com/humour/kittengun.jpg) is what you should do because this (http://imu7.infomaniak.ch/sites/www.ndgourmet.com/images/Sniper_cat.jpg) is what all cats are thinking or doint to us.

Blood
2006-09-21, 03:24 PM
Aww. How sweet. Which means Blood will have to kill you... :P

Rawhide
2006-09-21, 04:53 PM
Noun: sanguine
1. A blood red colour

Adjective: sanguine
1. Confidently optimistic and cheerful
2. Inclined to a healthy reddish colour often associated with outdoor life
"a fresh and sanguine complexion"

Seems appropriate to me.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-22, 01:26 AM
Thanks for the responses!

I'm not normally a poet, so when my pen started writing this in Gov't, iwas kinda shocked. Still, it did come out kinda nice,eh?

Hydrogelic
2006-09-22, 01:29 AM
Thanks for the responses!

I'm not normally a poet, so when my pen started writing this in Gov't, iwas kinda shocked. Still, it did come out kinda nice,eh?

Dude , if your not normally a poet , you should be .

ElfLad
2006-09-22, 01:46 AM
That reminds me of the occasional poems seen in Calvin & Hobbes. Nicely done.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-22, 10:22 AM
Where can i read more .

well, if it isn't as bad as i think it is, here's another:

Dissappoint

My blood runs cold
as hers grows hot.
I now feel guilty
whether i am or not.

Her words come rushing by me
like a catclysmic flood.
I feel so weak, afraid ashamed,
my knees have turned to mud

Everything now above my neck
has turned a flaming red.
"I think we're done, my disappointment's clear.
You've heard the words I've said"

I hate those words she says now,
my heart turns charcoal black.
Those words burn me worse than fire,
I wish she'd take them back.

I can handle anger well enough,
as well as fear and hate,
but when you show me disappointment,
I feel so second rate.

With the uttering of the phrase
I'm filled with so much dread
It'd be simpler for me, really,
If you merely struck me dead.

Those words are barbs straight to my soul
wounds I cannot touch.
If I were to ask for your forgiveness,
would that be too much?

~fin~

I really don't think too much of these; i guess it's just the over-critical sefl analysis...

Crystal_Shards
2006-09-22, 10:42 AM
The first one is so cute. It made me giggle. Yes, I'm female (as you should know e_o) and am allowed to giggle.

The second one makes me sad, for obvious reasons. But I don't know the inspiration for either of these. Do you think you could enlighten us (or at least me)?

Wait wait, let me AP Lit this. XD Meh, nah that's okay. I'm too lazy for that. They're good. I'd love to read more. Maybe I should post some of my stuff...

~Crystal

Vaynor
2006-09-23, 01:35 AM
This just seemed mildly related to your poem, and I couldn't find anywhere else to put it. PEACH, s'il vous plait.

Sleep, by me

Bedroom doors close,
The lights go out,
The world will go to sleep.
The many eyes,
Now are closed,
The clock ticks by,
The beds, creak.
Soft music plays,
A lull across,
The world, as if
A blanket were spread,
Goodnight world.
The world has gone,
Gone to sleep.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-24, 07:58 AM
PEACH, s'il vous plait.



The single stanza helps with the slow lull that the words create, IMO, and the imagery is simple, and through that, profound. Easy to relate too, but i wonder if this is a happy sleep or a sad sleep...

still, i guess this has turned me onto a poetry fest, so here's another i wrote this weekend, entitled 'Redemption?'

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
Redemption?

I've got this feeling eep inside of me
that i need now to express
it tore my life away from me
turned it into a mess

i betrayed the one from whom
boundless love was given
to seek her forgiveness is my goal
to which i'm endlessly driven

guilt lives on inside me now
like a white-hot ball of pain
from dawn on through the depths of night
eating at my brain

I kill myself now each day
everytime i see her ring
my sisyphean torture continues
each time i see that thing

I search for consolation
in the music i listen to
no one's done the things, though
That I have put her through

Now i meekly submit and bow
to self-wrought punishment
I cannot pay for the deeds i've done
no end to this torment

Now I beg and plead once more
I've paid for my misdeed
You can never be forgotten
My heart will forever bleed

~fin~

Crystal_Shards
2006-09-24, 09:18 AM
You sound so sad, Ivan. =(

The only thing I don't like in this poem is "bling"... It kinda made me laugh and destroyed the mood of the poem. It also contradicts the whole... er... sophisticatedness(?) of the poem, i.e. sisphisan vs. bling... Yeah. But you seem to have poured a lot of emotion into your work, which is always a good thing.

~Crystal

Aereshaa_the_2nd
2006-09-24, 10:01 AM
I quite agree. Art flows from the soul.

ivanmckilliagin
2006-09-24, 10:41 AM
What could i say in it's place? 'thing' is kinda vague, and i need the word 'ring' in it... i suppose, h/o lemme re-read it w/ 'thing' in place.

now i htink about it, it would flow better w/o that second 'her', allowing me to replace 'her bling' with 'that thing'... I'll go edit. Good catch.

anyone else to PEACH it?

Crystal_Shards
2006-09-24, 10:53 AM
This could help immensely. (http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=thing&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl& org2=l)

You can even change the line as a whole. It doesn't have to be "each time I see ..." Maybe use wondering, admiring, something? Haha, the something wasn't supposed to rhyme but yeah.

Anyway, yeah. You still sound so sad. *hugs* It'll be okay.

~Crystal

Mattaeu
2006-09-24, 12:25 PM
Sleep,

Bedroom doors close,
The lights go out,
The world will go to sleep.
The many eyes, <strikeout doesn't appear very well, but this comma=gone>
Now are closed;
The clock ticks by,
The beds, creak.<Your best line>
Soft music plays,
A lull across, <this comma too>
The world, as if
A blanket were spread.
Goodnight world.
The world has gone,
Gone to sleep.

You have a very nice trait of helping the reader with the breathing and pace. Some of them get in the way, and I may just be an advocate for enjambment, but some of the suggestions I've made make it feel a little more 'lullaby-ish'.

Enjoy your fruit. (as in peach'd) :P

Vaynor
2006-09-24, 12:31 PM
The single stanza helps with the slow lull that the words create, IMO, and the imagery is simple, and through that, profound. Easy to relate too, but i wonder if this is a happy sleep or a sad sleep...




You have a very nice trait of helping the reader with the breathing and pace. Some of them get in the way, and I may just be an advocate for enjambment, but some of the suggestions I've made make it feel a little more 'lullaby-ish'.

Enjoy your fruit. (as in peach'd) :P
Thanks both of you! I appreciate the feedback. ;D