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Kiren
2008-09-01, 10:50 PM
+5 Titanium Spork *Joke Item*

The +5 Titanium spork is a Tiny object of unimagined power, Its most powerful technique is act like a fork and a spoon at the same time. The +5 Titanium spork cannot be bought or made for if another of it is made their powerful destructive force fields will collide and destroy time and existance.

The Titanium spork Deflects any spell or projectile cast back at the caster without the Spork holder being harmed. The spork also Shoots a Laser beam that deals 1d100 damage per Hit dice of the creature hit.
The spork requires a Utensil (Spork) feat to be used, if The Utensil (Spork) Feat is not obtained the Person who touches it turns into a Potato.

Utensil Proficiency *General feat*
Prerequisites:Read the Book of Spork,
Effect:Gives proficiency in one utensil of choice

Book of Spork
The book of spork is a catalog with a map to the spork hidden within the Classics chapter. It also gives instructions on obtaining the Utensil feat.

Kredine
2008-09-01, 11:12 PM
This is almost funny enough to erase my hatred of sporks.
If you don't mind I may actually use this idea in one of my silly games and have a quest to find the Book of Spork.

Reminds me of the feat I allowed a character to have in my game that allows characters to force others to lose the game once every 30 minutes, making them lose there move action in the next round.

Mr. Zook
2008-09-01, 11:19 PM
spork ftw,
by the way i lost (damn you, kredine!)

Kredine
2008-09-01, 11:23 PM
Sorry. I did not mean for you to lose. What you think of the feat though?
Mostly a joke. But I guess it's reasonably useful every 300 rounds =]

Enlong
2008-09-01, 11:24 PM
Wow. That's awesome. Just take care to never Awaken (http://xkcd.com/419/) the spork, and for god's sake man, do NOT breed it.

Kiren
2008-09-02, 12:41 AM
Awaken Spork
Transmutation
Level: Sorcerer/Wiz 6
Components: V, S, DF, XP
Casting Time: 24 hours
Range: Touch
Target: Spork touched
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

You awaken a spork to humanlike sentience. To succeed, you must make a Will save (DC 10 + the animalís current HD, or the HD the spork will have once awakened).

The awakened Spork is friendly toward you. You have no special empathy or connection with a Spork you awaken, although it serves you in specific tasks or endeavors if you communicate your desires to it.


An awakened spork gets 3d6 Intelligence, +1d3 Charisma, and +2 HD. Its type becomes a magical Utensil (augmented spork). An awakened spork can serve as an animal companion, familiar, and a special mount.

If you awaken the +5 Titanium spork you are basically screwed. The awakened +5 titanium spork gains control of all its powers and gains a Body comprised of spoons knives and forks, and gains a +50 ac bonus for sporkiness. It attacks all who aren't Cactii or Potatos
XP Cost

250 XP.

Fan
2008-09-02, 12:43 AM
Awaken Spork
Transmutation
Level: Sorcerer/Wiz 6
Components: V, S, DF, XP
Casting Time: 24 hours
Range: Touch
Target: Spork touched
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

You awaken a spork to humanlike sentience. To succeed, you must make a Will save (DC 10 + the animalís current HD, or the HD the spork will have once awakened).

The awakened Spork is friendly toward you. You have no special empathy or connection with a Spork you awaken, although it serves you in specific tasks or endeavors if you communicate your desires to it.


An awakened spork gets 3d6 Intelligence, +1d3 Charisma, and +2 HD. Its type becomes a magical Utensil (augmented spork). An awakened spork can serve as an animal companion, familiar, and a special mount.

If you awaken the +5 Titanium spork you are basically screwed. The awakened +5 titanium spork gains control of all its powers and gains a Body comprised of spoons knives and forks, and gains a +50 ac bonus for sporkiness. It attacks all who aren't Cactii or Potatos
XP Cost

250 XP.

Can I use this, and if so can you give us stats for the awakened spork?

Kiren
2008-09-02, 12:48 AM
Permission granted: arent the stats there?

Spork

# Sporkness: The Spork gains all the good parts of being tiny and medium.
# Spork base land speed is 50 feet.
# 3 extra feats at 1st level.
# Automatic Language: All the languages + Potatonise
# Sporkin': The spork gains the living construct as soon as they are made
# Favored Class: Any. When determining whether a multiclass spork takes an experience point penaltys

The most Notable Natural spork is King sporking the forth who flayed the giant hippopotamus of the spud kingdom with his "Plate" Armor and his Butter Knife
__________________
First big project: Surgical skill, Putting a price of battle scars.

Kiren
2008-09-02, 01:00 AM
Potato

Size:Tiny

Potato's base roll speed is 10 feet

Mash: The Potato gains a 1d12 slam attack

Burrito: The potato Burritos the enemy, All Potatos wear sombreros and gain a +2 to disguise check

Photosynthesis: The potato gains 1 Hitpoint per turn in sunlight, max is max hitpoints. This increases by 1 every hitdice the potato gains

Automatic Language: Common, Potatonise Bonus languages:Any besides secret languages.

The potatos were once top enemys of the Sporks, Lord Spudknit fought the Spork of the spoon on the tabletop arena, after which a peace treaty was made and held up ever since

Shadow_Elf
2008-09-02, 07:45 AM
Potato

Size:Tiny

Potato's base roll speed is 10 feet

Mash: The Potato gains a 1d12 slam attack

Burrito: The potato Burritos the enemy, All Potatos wear sombreros and gain a +2 to disguise check

Photosynthesis: The potato gains 1 Hitpoint per turn in sunlight, max is max hitpoints.

Automatic Language: Common, Potatonise Bonus languages:Any besides secret languages.

The potatos are the top enemys of the Sporks, Lord Spudknit fought the Spork of the spoon on the tabletop arena

Excuse me, as I know nothing about 3.5e mechanics, but shouldn't the regenration be 1 hitpoint per turn per HD of the potato? Just wondering...

fleet
2008-09-02, 06:49 PM
Only if you want proper gramer and syntax. Is it just me, or are potatoes a more spudtaciular version of the troll?

MammonAzrael
2008-09-02, 07:02 PM
http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/kitchen/8ace/

Hmm...Spork golems....could they be considered swarms?

and beware to never let sporks breed: http://xkcd.com/419/

Kiren
2008-09-02, 07:18 PM
Fraction Fsornks are not quite spork, more fork or spoon on one side of the spectrum, If one were to emerge. they would multiply and kill off the Potatoes and claim Burrito for themselves, All races will bow down to the Fraction Fsornks. humanity, elfdom, Gardengnomiam, Potato *Their sister race Curly fries* and dwarvendom's last hope will be the Cactii, for the Fsornks rare not so blend of spoon and fork cannot penetrate their spiky skin. Unfortunatly the Cactii are at war with the Laser beams and wouldnt be able to help us for a hundred years.

Carrion_Humanoid
2008-09-02, 07:19 PM
I am so going to MS a Potato with a Sombrero

http://i372.photobucket.com/albums/oo170/lawlmushrooms/Burrito.png

Kiren
2008-09-02, 07:28 PM
Fraction Fsornks

Spork Plastic: They are sporks except for the following

Multiply: The Fraction Fsornks multiply at a rate of 1, 2, 4, 8, To a max of 1000 and will regenerate their numbers until the Original Fraction Fsornk dies, Then all the other Fraction Fsornks die when they are killed or their time comes. The original is treated as a king. Only the original Fraction Fsornk will get this ability and will not be passed on to children or other Fraction Fsornks when it dies.

Hivemind: All Fraction Fsornks are linked up teleplasticly to other fraction Fsornks and some Winter Brehrs. and can communicate within 100 feet of each other. This can be surpressed but to do so is illegal in Fraction Fsornk's law.

DracoDei
2008-09-03, 06:03 AM
For the good of all sentient beings everywhere it is my solemn duty to post the following link (yes, it includes sporks, they are strongly disliked, and usually mentally deficient if I remember correctly).
Detective Fork (http://www.detectivefork.com/), a webcomic in the style of "The Maltese Falcon"... but with the occasional jet-pack wearing super-hero.

Kiren
2008-09-03, 01:43 PM
Spider Spork
"Spider spork, spider spork, does whatever a spider spork can"

Spider spork is a masked crusader who helps people with his spider spork powers, can he punch? can he spin a web? he cant becauses hes a spider spork.


The spork-fan template is as follows

"Spork-fan" is an acquired template that can be added to any corporeal creature that gets bitten by a radioactive Spork


Size and Type: The creature drops a size or gains a size *To be closer to a spork* and gains the living construct type.

Hit Dice: no change

Speed: Base speed turns to 50

Armor class: The Base creature gains plastic particles in their skin, +2 Armor class natural armor

Feats: The Spork gains 3 bonus feats

La:2

Kiren
2008-09-03, 05:57 PM
Cactii
"Im surrounded by Cactii...."

The Cactii are the inhabitants of the desert, unlike their more plantlike brethren they can move *Or actually burrow from place to place or drag through the ground which brings up a interesting way they do this in buildings.

Size:Medium

Type:Plant

Cactii's Base Drag speed is 40 feet

Emerge: Cactiis can burrow underground and sprout up under a enemy for 1d6 piercing damage*add one dice to it every 5 levels*, the returning back, this also can be used as a mode of transport, but only out of combat, for double the drag speed.

Automatic Language: Tree, Cactii, Common, Bonus: Any besides secret languages.

Favored Class: Any. When determining whether a multiclass Cactii takes an experience point penalty, his or her highest-level class does not count.

Kiren
2008-09-03, 06:26 PM
The Laser Beams

A small culture of Lasers, they are at war with the Cactii, but not quite in league with the Fraction Fsornks.

Medium: As Medium creatures, laser have no special bonuses or penalties due to their size.

Laser base land speed is 30 feet.

Overcharge: The Laser beam once per day as a standard action, activate the overcharge which blinds as flare as a caster level of the beams level.

Reflect: Once per day the Laser can reroll a bad save, this ability refreshes after 24 hours including a appropriate sleeping time.

Automatic Language: Common, Laser. Bonus Languages: Any (other than secret languages, such as Druidic). See the Speak Language skill.

Favored Class:Wizard, laser beams making ray beams


Thanks draco for spelling

alexeduardo
2008-09-03, 06:48 PM
The Laser Beams

A small culture of Lasers, they are at war with the Cactii, but not quite in lead with the Fraction Fsornks.

Medium: As Medium creatures, laser have no special bonuses or penalties due to their size.

Laser base land speed is 30 feet.

Overcharge: The Laser beam once per day as a standard action, activate the overcharge which blinds as flare as a caster level of the beams level.

Reflect: Once per day the Laser can reroll a bad save, this ability refreshes after 24 hours including a appropriate sleeping time.

Automatic Language: Common, Laser. Bonus Languages: Any (other than secret languages, such as Druidic). See the Speak Language skill.

Favored Class:Wizard, laser beams making ray beams


glad to see you take my competition seriously.

btw, kudos to whoever did the mexican potato, that made me kind of
half-smile

Kiren
2008-09-03, 06:50 PM
glad to see you take my competition seriously.

btw, kudos to whoever did the mexican potato, that made me kind of
half-smile

It was a Joke from the start and I Shall make Thy subjects laugh!

DracoDei
2008-09-03, 06:59 PM
"in lead" should be "in league"

Vadin
2008-09-03, 08:11 PM
We've got judges deciding, not voters :smalltongue:

Kiren
2008-09-03, 08:15 PM
We've got judges deciding, not voters :smalltongue:

Removed, sorry.

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll
2008-09-03, 08:26 PM
It's funny.
But really, not something I would use.

Kiren
2008-09-04, 05:35 PM
Name cost small medium crit throw range Weignt damage
Unintelligent Spork 5 sp 1d4 1d6 ◊2 10 ft. Ĺ lb. Piercing