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Mark Hall
2008-10-31, 01:18 PM
...the minotaur is the voice of reason.
...your cleric of Bahamut is threatening a beggar with death for asking for money.
...sane tactics for the defender involve staying out of the way of the strikers and leaders.

Anything else that indicates your part is in trouble? ;-)

arguskos
2008-10-31, 01:20 PM
...the party artificer decides to just "join the other guys. They have better items."

...the BBEG gives up on his plan out of anger with the party, and dedicates himself to eradicating them from the universe.

...the rampaging dragon takes the parties advice about "settling down and raising some kids" to mean "establish an evil empire of half-dragons that I can rule."

-argus

AKA_Bait
2008-10-31, 01:21 PM
...the paladin is actually considering murdering the baby.
...the barbarian is the best option to talk to the king.
...the prophecy indicates your party specifically. Like, by name.

BRC
2008-10-31, 01:26 PM
The DM is grinning.
The DM is rolling Die and checking his notes without saying anything.
Any member of the party asks "Whats the worst thing that could happen?"
Your barbarian just punched an old man on the side of the road. That old man will turn out to be a demigod, this never fails.

ravenkith
2008-10-31, 01:45 PM
.....your party consists of a warlock two tanks and a paladin...and your adventure starts with '...the mists roll in and engulf you..."

TheThan
2008-10-31, 01:48 PM
The party actively hampers their own progress… with no treachery on the part of the DM.


Seriously this happened to me (as the DM) in a starwars D20 game. I gave the players a ship, they sold it. Thusly becoming stranded on the planet they were on. I gave them a quest; they killed the quest giver and couldn’t complete it. They’re supposed to wait until a certain time at a certain place to complete a quest, they wander off.

Gah!

Zenos
2008-10-31, 01:51 PM
You're resort to the halfling wizard to break up sewer grates.

Blackfang108
2008-10-31, 01:52 PM
...The DM STOPS smiling.

The 3 INT Half-Orc is the party Skillmonkey.

the 3 CON Wizard is the party Tank.

The Healmonkey is Evil. (I actually have a party like this. Granted, it's an evil campaign, and I have healing as well.)

Duke of URL
2008-10-31, 01:54 PM
... you let the Rogue handle all of the treasure because everyone else is too busy.
... your battle plan begins with "the monk, the samauri, and the warmage are our offensive punch..."
... the DM has asked you for the fourth time, "are you sure you want to do that?"
... the new guy wants to try a kobold paladin

FinalJustice
2008-10-31, 02:04 PM
...the DM not only stopped smiling, but seems very upset and competitive.
...the tank fighter decides to ignore the brute lackeys and charges the BBEG Wizard.
...the DM says 'your character wouldn't behave like this, x, y or z are not important to him!'

arguskos
2008-10-31, 02:06 PM
...your character wakes up in a bed with a half-orc male. Your character is a warforged juggernaut, replete with armor spikes. He looks at you and says, "was it good for you too?"

-argus

Zenos
2008-10-31, 02:06 PM
You see kobolds peeking down at you from murder holes...

streakster
2008-10-31, 02:07 PM
...fire does not, in fact, kill it.

Swordguy
2008-10-31, 02:08 PM
...the homepage on all the players laptops is set to the CharOp Forum - except your wife's
...the GM.looks around nervously before the game starts and asks "Nobody's seen the SAW movies, right? And nobody minds LARPing?"
...you crest the ridge to see a mighty army spread before you - 10,000 Awakened Gazebos spread across the plain.

valadil
2008-10-31, 02:08 PM
This actually happened in our GURPS game two days ago:

We were infiltrating an evil temple and stumbled across a statue of a Maralith with shiny red eyes. Naturally we figured the eyes were gems, so the human swashbuckler and the dwarf tank (myself) climbed up the statue, using the arms as a ladder. When we got there we noticed that the eyes weren't actually gems, but it was black stone glowing red. Oh well, it'll still be valuable. I handed off a spare pick axe to the human and we each sat on a shoulder and work on the eyes. As we chipped away at the statue, more red glow emanated from the cracks we made. The mage told us that from what he knew of demons this would be a dangerous one to fight and is likely somehow a guardian of the temple. Well, this was probably still good loot, but on the off chance if it was a maralith and such a danger to us, we'd rather fight it alone than when it has friends. So we kept on chipping away at her face. Amazingly, the statue wasn't actually a maralith. When we finally broke the head off the statue burst in an AoE of lava, and every save my stubborn and greedy dwarf was burned severely.

Zenos
2008-10-31, 02:08 PM
...And neither does water.

Akisa
2008-10-31, 02:15 PM
DM: We're updating to system x

Ganurath
2008-10-31, 02:17 PM
...your DM facepalms.
...the barbarian makes a Survival check to "find a random encounter."
...the party's plan is to use the new guy as bait. For the dwarves. This plan was put forward by the party dwarf.

chiasaur11
2008-10-31, 02:18 PM
...fire does not, in fact, kill it.

That makes no sense.

Perhaps you didn't use enough fire?

tokonaut
2008-10-31, 02:18 PM
.....The evil cleric says take it easy on the guy...

arguskos
2008-10-31, 02:18 PM
...the 1 hp characters live longer than the dwarf fighter with 17 AC and 6 hp at level 1.

...said 1 hp characters actually outlive more than a few of the dwarf's subsequent charaters.

...the kobolds DON'T destroy the entire party in horrible ways.

...when Plan A (fire) fails, when Plan B (more fire) fails too, and when Plan C (run away while using fire) ALSO fails.

-argus

BRC
2008-10-31, 02:24 PM
The Party wizard prepared nothing but Fireball, Scorching Ray, Magic Missile, and Acid Splash.

The caster wears medium armor because "It's only a 30% failure chance".

Fire, More Fire, Even more fire, Water, Lightning, and sharp heavy things fail to kill it.

The Powergamer decides to DM, and ensure you that the encounter CR will be appropriate...

Your Sword is talking to you, and telling you to kill.
The bad guy has a name.
You Are Playing Paranoia, Citizen...

arguskos
2008-10-31, 02:26 PM
The bad guy has a name.
This has won the thread. Congrats.

Also, when the BBEG decides he is just going to surrender, because the "cute fluffy kitty asked so nicely" when referring to the Catfolk Frenzied Berserker.

-argus

Duke of URL
2008-10-31, 02:33 PM
... okay, you've been spending time on the ChapOp boards, but so has the DM.
... after "going nova" and getting ready to rest up, you hear, "roll initiative".
... you're being hauled away by an insane Paladin to a distant city to answer for crimes you have no idea you've committed.
... the DM says, "hey, we have a new player for tonight. She's my girlfriend, and she's never played before, so I'm going to help her."
... when pressed about what old module the DM has converted for the session's adventure, he finally admits that it's "Tomb of Horrors".
... jumping off a cliff has a better chance of survival than standing and fighting.
... the DM has a Mary Sue actually named "Mary Sue".

theMycon
2008-10-31, 02:33 PM
... the druid brings a far-side(TM) calendar with him. For inspiration.

Edge of Dreams
2008-10-31, 02:38 PM
...the DM says "give me a couple minutes to write up the stats for this guy".
...the army of metal men marching towards your city has angels for backup.
...your opponent's damage rolls are measured in kills instead of hp.

Telonius
2008-10-31, 02:40 PM
... anyone utters the words, "Don't worry, you'll only miss on a ..."
... you see a statue. Ever.

Zenos
2008-10-31, 02:44 PM
The enemy golem army has glowing green eyes and the DM described them as "skeletal, wielding long staves also glowing an eerie green".

AKA_Bait
2008-10-31, 02:45 PM
... you notice that your DM has a page from GitP open and the thread title begins with "That Damn..."

... the Duke's crown is missing and the party rogue looks a little too innocent.

... you ask for healing from the party cleric and they respond "I'm not that kind of cleric."

FMArthur
2008-10-31, 02:48 PM
...Olidammara has decided to make your party the unluckiest group in the world (happened! Was hilarious! Good times had by all!).
...The party somehow comes to believe that leaping across a 35ft canyon is the only way to go and is in fact the key to their salvation.
...The party comes up with an elaborate plan to assassinate the king and assumes (based on no information, with no dissent, no questions and no Gather Information) that it puts them in charge.
...The party's only "healer" is a shelf of potions of CLW kept far away in some NPC's basement.

Telonius
2008-10-31, 02:51 PM
... your Artificer says, "I've been thinking about taking a Vow of Poverty."
... there is a direct correlation between the number of the Monster Manual and the number of bookmarks the DM has placed in said manual.

mostlyharmful
2008-10-31, 02:54 PM
.... the DM says "Ok, wait a sec,.... just let me think what happens next.... eerr..."

TheThan
2008-10-31, 03:20 PM
... you notice that your DM has a page from GitP open and the thread title begins with "That Damn..."

... the Duke's crown is missing and the party rogue looks a little too innocent.

... you ask for healing from the party cleric and they respond "I'm not that kind of cleric."

been playing too much WoW?

MeklorIlavator
2008-10-31, 03:25 PM
...the only player who has never played an RPG before wants to be the Wizard.

...during a really tough encounter, the Dm is counting down based on the number of rounds the battle's been going on.

...the Dm laughs and gets an evil grin when you announce that you want to play a human paladin.

That last one occurred when everyone else had decided at the first meeting to be evil, with at least one person who wanted to kill all humans. Not as fun as it might sound.

AKA_Bait
2008-10-31, 03:28 PM
been playing too much WoW?

Nope, never played it (I'm afraid of getting hooked). Jaxgaret's character Hum (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5163500&postcount=20)said that to the rest of the party in an 3.5 game I DMed a few years ago.

Thane of Fife
2008-10-31, 03:31 PM
...you say something vague and the DM quickly looks up. "Which one of you opened the door?"

Hzurr
2008-10-31, 03:46 PM
...sane tactics for the defender involve staying out of the way of the strikers and leaders.



That'll teach you not to get last in init next time!

Hehe, and as soon as you get to something with enough hitpoints/AC that the silly clerics can't hang with, you get to show them what the cow can do.

Calinero
2008-10-31, 03:46 PM
....the DM has to pull out more than 12D6 to roll for damage. In a level 3 campaign.

....the Darkness is attacked.

....you see a gazebo over the top of the hill.

....your DM says "all right, we're going to try a new system tonight...it's called FATAL."

....someone invites Jack Thompson to your playing group.

....the munchkin who has been raised on D&D gets invited to a Cthulhu game.

....you make sudden movements near a Cthulhu player.

....one of your players asks you how pretty the waitress is. Long story.

Swordguy
2008-10-31, 03:58 PM
...when your GM says, "Wait, you had HOW many hit points? Oh dear..."
...When you pull out your big, planet-destroying superweapon that's never failed you in the past, and the GM smiles at you and says "Go ahead. I'll wait. Feel free."



....your DM says "all right, we're going to try a new system tonight...it's called FATAL."

I had that happen.

It wasn't as horrible and mind-bending as everyone says - but I play with a pretty damn mature group of people (At my last count, of my 8 regulars, 7 of us have raped, been raped, or had sex with one another during shows as part of the role. We're all theatre people. It's pretty hard to get squicked by a tabletop game after that.) who're comfortable with each other and nobody went into the childish "If there's any chicks there I wanna DO them!" crap.

It's still a crappy game, though.

EDIT: Nevermind - it's 8 of 8 now. Jen played Aldonza in Man of la Mancha last month.

ashmanonar
2008-10-31, 04:38 PM
...when your GM says, "Wait, you had HOW many hit points? Oh dear..."
...When you pull out your big, planet-destroying superweapon that's never failed you in the past, and the GM smiles at you and says "Go ahead. I'll wait. Feel free."




I had that happen.

It wasn't as horrible and mind-bending as everyone says - but I play with a pretty damn mature group of people (At my last count, of my 8 regulars, 7 of us have raped, been raped, or had sex with one another during shows as part of the role. We're all theatre people. It's pretty hard to get squicked by a tabletop game after that.) who're comfortable with each other and nobody went into the childish "If there's any chicks there I wanna DO them!" crap.

It's still a crappy game, though.

EDIT: Nevermind - it's 8 of 8 now. Jen played Aldonza in Man of la Mancha last month.

...


...


...

Swordguy
2008-10-31, 04:43 PM
...


...


...

Yeah, sorry to destroy your view that a game is the AntiChrist or something. Get back to posting funny stuff like the rest of us.

Blackfang108
2008-10-31, 04:44 PM
....the DM has to pull out more than 12D6 to roll for damage. In a level 3 campaign.

....one of your players asks you how pretty the waitress is. Long story.

Both of those have happened.

It was actually, something like 30d4 and level 8, but as a Striker...(20 Con, though.)

And for the second one, the DM pointed to that Player's Girlfriend.

Tadanori Oyama
2008-10-31, 04:47 PM
... the PC survival math spits out a fraction.

... your Cleric says, "Wait, what's Spontanious Healing?"

... the DM askes to borrow your character sheet for "adjustments".

... the DM informs you that: "You don't see anything".

hotel_papa
2008-10-31, 05:47 PM
...one of your players is mumbling something about being a paladin with a lot of ranks in Kno (The Planes)

...The new girl wants to be an artificer. (Actually, worked out fine. She's a math major)

...The kid at the RPG club who wants to DM (for the first time ever) is convinced that druids are underpowered because the best melee weapon they can wield is a scimitar.

...The same kid only wants to run 3.0.

...Someone in that group wants to play a ranger.

...The warforged wants to personally kill the Lord of Blades and weld him to the front of his airship.

...The theatre major wants to play a changling factotum/chameleon.


HP

ashmanonar
2008-10-31, 05:49 PM
Yeah, sorry to destroy your view that a game is the AntiChrist or something. Get back to posting funny stuff like the rest of us.

Actually had nothing to do with the game being FATAL. I was more or less wordless from your second paragraph. Theater people are WEIRD.* ;)


*Note: This opinion is made by a D&D, WoW, and graphic design geek with a side of BDSM enthusiast. YMMV. And for gods' sake, don't take me seriously!

As to funny stuff: I don't really have many stories.

one:

...the DM takes longer to explain the world to you than the game actually took to play out.

Yukitsu
2008-10-31, 06:00 PM
When the DM says "The setting is CoC."
When 20% of the multiverse immigrates to the 0.000000000000001% of the space your character commands.
When the party is split in a permanent, irreconcilable manner, despite being on fairly good terms.

Swordguy
2008-10-31, 06:00 PM
Actually had nothing to do with the game being FATAL. I was more or less wordless from your second paragraph. Theater people are WEIRD.* ;)


Ah - sorry then. My bad. :smallredface:

What makes it even better is that's how I met my wife - during the show Zipless (Ernest Thompson).

"What was your first date like?"
"Well we sat and talked for a while, then he raped me, then we had dinner. It was nice"


(Actual conversation between my wife and her grandmother.)

Kroy
2008-10-31, 06:06 PM
If you realize your quest is turning out like Tucker's Kobolds

Morty
2008-10-31, 06:07 PM
You realize that from all towns you've been in, there's only one you haven't run out of.

Zenos
2008-10-31, 06:14 PM
Your monk is the most powerful member of the party, closely followed by the soulblade.

littlechicory
2008-10-31, 06:48 PM
... the 17 WIS monk decides to beat up random forest critters for kicks and giggles.

... said monk is still better at trapfinding than the party scout ("his Search modifier is equal to his saves when they go off").

... the arcane caster is your party's best melee fighter.

evisiron
2008-10-31, 07:06 PM
...'Diplomacy' is the name of the orc's axe
...Panic ensues when a Badger is found in the camp
...1 out of 4 party members is strapped to a donkey during the final BBEG fight.

(All have happened of course)

Kesnit
2008-10-31, 07:45 PM
...the GM.looks around nervously before the game starts and asks "Nobody's seen the SAW movies, right? And nobody minds LARPing?"

I think SAW would be better classified as "Undead Role Play." At least then, the players could survive.


... you ask for healing from the party cleric and they respond "I'm not that kind of cleric."

My PnP group has one of those. Minotaur cleric of a god of war. Few healing spells prepared and can't spontaneously convert.

...Your DM just smiles when you pull out your favorite tactic - Magic Missile + Quickened Magic Missile. (A warmage in my campaign loved doing that. So next encounter, every Orc Barbarian had a Broach of Shielding.)

...The warmage casts his new favorite spell - Prismatic Ray - against the BBEG and rolls a nat 1 on his attack. Then fails the save against his own spell. And spends the rest of combat "mumbling incoherently."

HOHOHAHAHEEHEE
2008-10-31, 07:47 PM
....the orc barbarian decides to cut down the magic tree of life that just healed then entire party.

arguskos
2008-10-31, 07:58 PM
...the DM mutters something about rocks. If questioned, he insists he was talking about the Hail of Stone spell.

...the enemy fire elementals decide that now would be a great time to invade the party's base. The party was prepared for WATER elementals, and has big vats of oil all over the place. Hilarity ensues.

-argus

Raum
2008-10-31, 08:13 PM
...the mage inexplicably decides not to use tactics which have been successful previously.

...everyone rolls under a 5 on the latest perception skill check.

...all the casters fail their Will saves.

...the DM forgets what items the guards were searching for and the friendly bards speaks up to say "You mean the golden figurines and the ring?"

Calinero
2008-10-31, 11:08 PM
(At my last count, of my 8 regulars, 7 of us have raped, been raped, or had sex with one another during shows as part of the role. We're all theatre people. It's pretty hard to get squicked by a tabletop game after that.) who're comfortable with each other and nobody went into the childish "If there's any chicks there I wanna DO them!" crap.

It's still a crappy game, though.

EDIT: Nevermind - it's 8 of 8 now. Jen played Aldonza in Man of la Mancha last month.

Wow. I hang with theater people (am one too, by some definitions), but there has not been quite as much rape/sex in our shows. Probably cause most of the shows I've been in were high school ones, but meh. Semantics.

I wonder if there's some kind of correlation between roleplaying and thespians....after all, roleplaying is excellent practice for staying in character and improvising.

BardicDuelist
2008-10-31, 11:20 PM
Your party leader, the Warlord, has committed the entire into slavery in exchange for a low paying job with the slave traders.

The guy in heavy armor got the highest swim check.

You're arguing over what weapon to carve the sturdy bit of wood into using nothing but a shell.

You're stuck in a treacherous library belonging to an insane wizard and the only one conscious is the illiterate barbarian. The only way to wake the party up is in one of the books.

Your best plan involves the gnome turning the bathtub in your prison cell into a tank.

The wizard (in 4e) is resorting to hitting things with his staff.

The rogue is doing the most damage against the undead you're fighting.

Ascension
2008-10-31, 11:29 PM
Your best plan involves the gnome turning the bathtub in your prison cell into a tank.

Your campaign's prisons have bathtubs? Swanky. I generally think of most D&D settings as "bathe once a year" sort of places...

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-10-31, 11:33 PM
Your campaign's prisons have bathtubs? Swanky. I generally think of most D&D settings as "bathe once a year" sort of places...When my group asked me to make up a short list of mundane items that we should each have(OoC), I(IC) made sure everyone got a pound of SOAP. It came out of their money, and if they wanted in my Rope Trick at night, the used it. I(IC) have delicate sensibilities.

Kris Strife
2008-10-31, 11:46 PM
The Party wizard prepared nothing but Fireball, Scorching Ray, Magic Missile, and Acid Splash.

You need anything else?

You see a long line of commoners passing a pig towards you.

The party spends the entire session stealing the barmaid from each other

Your DM's char rolls a 1 to use the bathroom

You encounter a Paladin named Miko

Your party wakes up surrounded by mindflayers

O-Chul is glaring at you

in CoC, the escaped mental patient has the highest starting SAN

BardicDuelist
2008-10-31, 11:57 PM
in CoC, the escaped mental patient has the highest starting SAN

That isn't that far fetched. You did decide to play CoC, so the players themselves must be crazy.

Calinero
2008-11-01, 12:22 PM
....the DM's name is Tucker.

tokonaut
2008-11-01, 01:30 PM
.... The party leader sells the rest of the party into slavery....

Callos_DeTerran
2008-11-01, 01:32 PM
Your party wakes up surrounded by mindflayers

Your party wakes up surrounded by hungry mindflayers who keep talking about something called 'Thoon'.

You realize the BBEG put sovereign glue on the floor leading to his inner sanctum after you stepped into it.

The tarrasque casts Disjunction and carries a hefty spellbook.

You realize the dire bear slaughtering your party is just an animal companion.

Zenos
2008-11-01, 01:48 PM
The party Bard is the one playing batman, whilst the sorcerer is blasting.

This is actually happening in a PbP game I am playing in right now. I use buff spells and silent image, whilst the sorceror tries use scorching ray and magic missile against our opponent, who is a CR 10 dragon. We're level four to five.

Doomsy
2008-11-01, 02:18 PM
....the DM asks you what your saves are, then says you don't need to bother rolling.

....The DM breaks out the whiskey bottle.

....The Tank says he is going to sit this one out.

....The DM starts getting that twitchy look.

....When the party is in jail and the rogue decides carving a shank is more important than trying lockpicking.

....When the party is in jail and the meatshield tells the elf he is looking damn pretty.

....The wizard admits he was too drunk last night to memorize any spells.

....The spirit shaman looks you in the eye and tells you (s)he sees dead people.

....The DM asks to borrow your dice because he needs more for this next roll.

....It turns out you probably should have listened to more than one person before killing the evil king. And his evil next of kin.

....The cleric in your group is a Dustman and he refuses to turn the poor undead you are picking on as they try to eat your brains.

....You meet the high heirophant of a major god with an Athar in your party and he has been drinking.

....The two quiet guys playing the hammer & anvil of the group look at each other mid-diplomacy with a major potential enemy and just suddenly roll.

....You actually kill the BBEG in the first encounter by dumb luck.

....After a harrowing planar passage, the DM tells you you have come to in a great desert and there are several halflings pointing and waving at you excitedly, with big smiles..and very sharp teeth.

....The BBEG just gives up and becomes a chronic, bitter alcoholic.

....The DM mentions he is trying out some homebrew monsters tonight while staring at the one party member who is really, really honkin' him off.

....You hear dice roll behind the screen and a long, tired sigh.

Totally Guy
2008-11-01, 02:39 PM
....The BBEG just gives up and becomes a chronic, bitter alcoholic.

I did that. But I'd always planned to bait one guy then switch to another. They still think he's up to something and try to bother him all the time.

Akisa
2008-11-01, 03:26 PM
You just create a rogue and dm says "this campaign is going to be mostly undead, and if they're not undead they're golems"

Dogmantra
2008-11-01, 03:33 PM
You just create a rogue and dm says "this campaign is going to be mostly undead, and if they're not undead they're golems"
Well, then you can focus on a rogue's "more useful" abilities... like forgery :P

... when the DM says "Well, every class except Druid, Wizard and Cleric are banned, they're just too powerful."

Satyr
2008-11-01, 03:51 PM
... one half of the group treat their chracters as replacable tools and expect that characters die, sometimes just to prove a point and the other half of the group want nothing as much as completely impersonate their charactzer and are personally offended when anything bad happens to him.
The dilemma of most of my gaming groups these days.

FMArthur
2008-11-01, 03:53 PM
Well, then you can focus on a rogue's "more useful" abilities... like forgery :P

... when the DM says "Well, every class except Druid, Wizard and Cleric are banned, they're just too powerful."

I've had way more ridiculous bannings with my first DM.

I got the two worst PC classes banned from my first DM's games. To be fair, we were totally new, and we were playing a campaign from level one, which is about the only level CW Samurai is decent to play - he looked uber powerful with his TWF (when we barely understood the rules) and early masterwork weapons. Then our next campaign, we started off imprisoned without any equipment whatsoever... guess which other ridiculously underpowered class got to look powerful for a session? I didn't know anything about underpowered classes; I just picked the Samurai and then the Soulknife because they were cool.

only1doug
2008-11-01, 03:57 PM
... anyone utters the words, "Don't worry, you'll only miss on a ..."


I self inflicted this a few weeks back, I had decided that iterative attacks were unlikely to be as effective as a touch attack.

I said well i'd need to roll 13 then 18 then 23 for my 3 melee attacks or i could touch attack and anything but a 1 will hit...
(we'd faced these a lot recently, we knew how easy their touch AC was and how hard their normal AC)
(well, i say we knew how easy their touch AC was, we don't really, we just know that the wizard could hit it on a roll of 5)


3 rounds of rolling a 1.

(4th round i finally rolled a 5 and finished off the baddie)

Ravyn
2008-11-01, 04:01 PM
...someone tries to bring down the roof on the current opponent--and only then remembers the twenty-foot demon spider the group slipped past on the way into that particular building.

...the GM seems inordinately interested in the state of everyone's mental defenses.

...the sound of something vaguely weaponlike powering up is coming from the zombies downstairs--between the sole party member in the building and the exit...

...where you wake up is clearly not the world you're used to.

...the party crafter is giving you reasons why you couldn't possibly be in the demon realm as he creates infinite walking space with his hands for a little bug that is almost never seen anywhere else.

Prometheus
2008-11-01, 09:17 PM
... you see a statue. Ever. So true.

...it's the cleric's idea to desecrate the dead - just in case this one ever decides to come back.

"Where are you escaping to? Remember you're on an island."

...the monk fails his will save. This would always happen to the monk in this one campaign and never to any other character. He also had the bad habit of being eaten by monsters.

Knaight
2008-11-01, 09:37 PM
On of, if not the most powerful people in the world knows the characters, is not afraid of using violence, and has the personality and mental ability of a young, easily frustrated child. Furthermore one of the characters can only speak in proverbs. Note the italicized parts.

One of the characters managed to develop a drug addiction. So did the two party mounts, who follow his orders.

The black ops team includes a combat and explosives expert, and nobody good at much covert stuff.

7th lvl scrub
2008-11-01, 09:50 PM
...the boss of the dungeon doesn't hit any party members with any attacks.

...when you have a chaotic evil wizard and a lawful good paladin in the same party.

...when your chaotic evil wizard uses presidigitation to kill small children.

...when your leader does more damage than the strikers.

...when your DM determines that charisma determines more than how you act, if you get what I mean.

...when the rogue can roll a 1 on a stealth check and STILL not be seen.

...when you crit on 3 attacks in a row.

...when your defender says, "Don't heal me, I'm at full hitpoints."

...when the group's powergamer also happens to be the party leader.

SurlySeraph
2008-11-01, 11:14 PM
...the Drow Mother Matron decides that the least intelligent member of the party is cute.
...seducing a cave full of driders starts to sound like a good plan.
...the cleric's holy symbol has tentacles on it.
...the cleric has tentacles on it.
...for that matter, the best pronoun for the cleric is "it", instead of "he" or "she."
...the druid's animal companion is something with tentacles.
...the druid's animal companion is DEFINITELY not something from this world.
...the cleric's battlecry is "Skulls for the Skull Throne!"
...your powerful NPC ally starts muttering and twitching.
...your powerful NPC ally starts talking to an invisible person named "Lord Annihilus."
...your powerful NPC ally starts saying the word "precious" a lot.
...the orc chieftain starts measuring your head and muttering something about drinking cups.
...the paladin takes all the prerequisites to become a Blackguard "just in case something comes up."
...making all the male members of the party prostitute themselves starts to sound like a good idea.
...when the paladin uses Detect Evil on someone, the DM grins and says "He does not appear to be evil."
...the barbarian is the only one who manages to decipher the inscription.
...the barbarian flinches.
...the monk of the Most Serene Order gasps "Oh s***!"
...the cleric stops casting spells and starts just praying in a very shaky voice.
...having the paladin seduce Lloth starts to sound like a good plan.
...the archivist has no idea what the creature you're facing is.
...as soon as the archivist realizes what the creature you're facing is, he curls into the fetal position and cries uncontrollably.
...as soon as the cleric realizes what the creature you're facing is, he looks up to heaven and wails "Why have you forsaken me?!"
...as soon as the barbarian realizes what the creature facing you is, he starts bellowing a list of his ancestors at it.
...as soon as the paladin realizes what the creature you're facing is, he gets a crazily determined look on his face.
...the wizard tears his own spellbook in half.
...the wizard, after reading a single page of the book you just found, says "There are some things man was not meant to know."
...the ranger takes one look at the tracks, blanches, and refuses to follow them.
...the rogue refuses to touch any of the loot.
...the scout returns to the party, says "We... we can't... can't go there..." and faints.
...the scout returns to the party crying and bleeding out the rear.
...the necromancer thinks you're being immoral.
...the necromancer is sickened by the slaughter.
...the diviner kills herself immediately after casting Vision.
...seducing the Beholder starts to sound like a good plan.
...the bard comes back from the brothel looking traumatized.
...the bard doesn't want to try to seduce the BBEG.
...the bard, when sexually propositioned, starts panicking and trying to get out of the room.
...the darkness fights back.

Kris Strife
2008-11-01, 11:57 PM
what would the diplomacy check be to seduce Lloth?

The paladin asks the above question.

The DM says 'thats interesting..." to the party's last action.

you fail a San check playing Bunnies and Burrows.

Tola
2008-11-02, 10:56 AM
what would the diplomacy check be to seduce Lloth?

Not very high, I'd imagine; the problem is SURVIVING the encounter and getting out alive, as she's likely to kill you afterwards, if not DURING the act itself. Queen of Spiders and all....That's assuming she doesn't do some godly mojo to make you truly devoted to her and her cause.

....WHen Petitioning Mephistopholes for aid seems like a good idea.

Cicciograna
2008-11-02, 11:10 AM
...when the Master says "Excellent" and smiles cruelly.

...when before rolling damage the Master says "Give me all your d20 dice".

...when the cleric casts Commune and it's busy.

...when the DM ask for PC sheets, looks at them and says "Hmmmm...".

...when you see an ancient red dragon fleeing from the room you're just going to explore.

...when you roll a natural 20 on your attack and the DM says "You missed".

...when you've dealt the 8024th point of damage to your opponent and it's till on his feet.

...when the evil wizard's familiar is an adult blue dragon.

...when the evil wizard's familiar is Klauth.

...when the evil wizard's familiar is an attorney.

The Deej
2008-11-02, 11:52 AM
...You encounter an 8 year old girl. (blood stains don't help)
...said 8 year old girl seemingly appears out of nowhere
...and says "can you help my mommy?"
This happened to us in a Shadowrun game. It was from a module used at GenCon that a member of our group GM'd at, and ran for us as a one-shot. This was towards the end of it in an abandoned school that was being used as a lab for "Project Icarus". She actually leads us to where we were supposed to go, and then the Drone that my character was jumped into stops moving. This was correctly taken as a bad sign. Our infiltration specialist was still subscribed to my drone that I left watching outside, and could see that my Ares Roadmaster had been ripped open Like a tin can. The perpetrator shows up shortly thereafter: an eight year old boy. Who proved to be ridiculously strong and fast. We learn afterwards that both he and the girl had the quality "Child of Project Icarus", which basically allows them to have bioware at zero essence cost AND makes them magically active. The girl was taken down quickly, but the boy was a physical adept with enhancements like muscle augmentations and increased bone density on top of that. It was a miracle that only our mage died during that fight. (The GM was kind and said that I was at one box of dying if anyone could get to me in time, which they did. He didn't really like how the module said "If anyone is left alone, they die".)

Mark Hall
2008-11-02, 11:53 AM
...when the evil wizard's familiar is an adult blue dragon.


Actually, in 2nd edition, our DM claimed this was possible. Get a familiar and use Polymorph Other; there was a chance that the polymorphed creature would become truly the creature it was turned into, which increased if the new form was more intelligent than the old one. You then use Haste to age the dragon.

It's suggested that you have several pink rhomboid stones on hand to make sure your familiar survives the numerous system shock rolls that will be called for.

Yukitsu
2008-11-02, 12:02 PM
...You encounter an 8 year old girl. (blood stains don't help)
...said 8 year old girl seemingly appears out of nowhere
...and says "can you help my mommy?"

Huh, funny. My next character is that one.

Cicciograna
2008-11-02, 12:13 PM
...when your DM says it's possibile for an evil wizard to have a blue dragon as familiar!


You then use Haste to age the dragon.

Then why stop at "ancient"? Let's go to "Great Wyrm"! To Infinity...and Beyond!!!

Mark Hall
2008-11-02, 01:01 PM
...when your DM says it's possibile for an evil wizard to have a blue dragon as familiar!

Actually, he was talking about one of the few times he got to play, and wanted to make a wizard with a Gold Dragon familiar.


Then why stop at "ancient"? Let's go to "Great Wyrm"! To Infinity...and Beyond!!!

Time, mostly. You reach a point where you have to stop casting Haste spells and do something... even if it's going to get more licorice.

Doberler
2008-11-02, 02:06 PM
...the party Tank is a mindflayer

...said mindflayer is wielding a fullblade.

...the party idiot says "I pull the gem out," before the rogue is done looking for traps

Kris Strife
2008-11-02, 03:47 PM
...the party monk can only speak out of lip sync
...the party is in a zone of silence and said monk is the only one who knows the BBEGs plan.

mindblank19
2008-11-02, 08:14 PM
...Your rogue (of any level) is reduced to 0 hp by four housecats

This actually happened in an Icewind Dale game I played. My rogue attacked a random woman in her house. He killed her, but her 6 cats reduced him to the negatives before he was rescued by the others.

...The paladin hesitates.

...The barbarian does not kill the annoying little kid.

...You're fighting human zombies and the cleric's Charisma is 6

...Your argument over the treasure shares from the first encounter causes a random encounter--twice.

Pie Guy
2008-11-02, 09:28 PM
-...when lighting the zombies on fire gives them an extra d6 damage. Against a party of level ones.

Cathaidan
2008-11-02, 11:11 PM
...You allow the Hal-Orc cleric (INT 6 CHA 6) to negotiate a deal with a temple of the goddess of trade.

...You ask the party cleric if he has any healing and he responds with "Ewww...."

...You then buy said cleric a cure wand to use on the party and he forgets its on his character sheet.

Edan
2008-11-03, 12:24 AM
Spoiler for Tomb of Horrors:

You DM holds up this picture:
http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/8910/nostalgiasm8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Shadic
2008-11-03, 01:41 AM
When the Druid shoots the Cleric in the back of the head.

When you have to start counting how many times the halfling has been eaten in a single session.

Ravens_cry
2008-11-03, 02:21 AM
When the party Cleric gets killed in the first two turns by walking between two large dire snakes. . .in the first combat.
Goodbye Bort, I will miss you, even if no one else did.

Emperor Tippy
2008-11-03, 02:51 AM
...when your DM says the dungeon is populated by all of Tippy's old characters :smallbiggrin:


Actually had a DM do that once.

BobVosh
2008-11-03, 03:07 AM
...when your DM bans monks for being OP
...then nerfs sorcerers
...and buffs wizards.

Kris Strife
2008-11-03, 03:13 AM
... your mom 'asks' to play

Ascension
2008-11-03, 03:17 AM
...when your DM says the dungeon is populated by all of Tippy's old characters :smallbiggrin:


Actually had a DM do that once.

I don't blame him. You're probably the only way to fight yourself effectively.

Emperor Tippy
2008-11-03, 03:49 AM
I don't blame him. You're probably the only way to fight yourself effectively.

It's actually not that bad. My RW group played mostly in a persistent world built up over about 5 years and hundreds of adventuring parties. So all my old characters actually had valid reasons to be in the world. It's my fault for having all my characters add to this one dungeon over the years and agreeing to play in a game involving time travel.

Zenos
2008-11-03, 12:39 PM
Dark Heresy and other futuristic games:

When the BBEG's gun has a Rate of Fire = Enuff Dakka.

chiasaur11
2008-11-03, 01:02 PM
Dark Heresy and other futuristic games:

When the BBEG's gun has a Rate of Fire = Enuff Dakka.

Your only hope here would be Enuff Choppa.

And even that isn't a guarantee.

Zeful
2008-11-03, 01:40 PM
...the prophecy indicates your party specifically. Like, by name.

Along a similar vein:

...you enter a town for the first time and see a statue depicting the entire party, with the plaque dating 100 years ago, to the day.
...the party barbarian discovers an old axe, with his name inscribed on the blade.

Mark Hall
2008-11-03, 01:52 PM
Along a similar vein:

...you enter a town for the first time and see a statue depicting the entire party, with the plaque dating 100 years ago, to the day.
...the party barbarian discovers an old axe, with his name inscribed on the blade.

...your party's amoral thug is revered as an altruistic peasant hero in the small town you wound up in... and isn't entirely sure why.

Jayne! The man they call Jayne!

kladams707
2008-11-03, 01:54 PM
The cleric of pelor suggests you kill the herbalist and steal all his merchandise.

FinalJustice
2008-11-03, 02:06 PM
...your DM ignores a persistent Arcane Sight and doesn't call spot checks to materialize vampires in gaseous forms behind your back.
...when he does that again, during the day, beside the sleeping spellcaster who couldn't recover his spells during the night, because of the damn vampires.
...when said spellcaster is the party Cleric
...when said Cleric is actually a Cleric of Vecna, not Boccob, and did not hint it at all (using rebuke undead instead of turn undead while hiding his holy symbol, and passing it as turn undead, with no bluff check on that)
...when said mothaf*** kills the sorcerer's familiar (who had Arcane Sight, which was again ignored, who also woke him up, saving him from the vamps in the first place) and works out a deal with the vampires to kill the rest of the party

That was a really awful session.

Akisa
2008-11-03, 02:11 PM
When the druid of the party takes anything other then natural spell at lvl 6.

When DM introduces fumbles house rules

When you reach 6 bab and there are fumble rules.

When DM introduces fumble house rules

When DM uses Paizo's encounters.

TengYt
2008-11-03, 03:41 PM
- When the DMPC ISN'T a blatent Mary Sue.

- When the DMPC HASN'T attempted to betray your party or lead them to their deaths.

- When your Level 1 Wizard gets attacked by a hungry housecat.

- When your DM's notes consist only of stick figure drawings stabbing other stick figure drawings.

The Deej
2008-11-03, 04:23 PM
When the druid of the party takes anything other then natural spell at lvl 6.

This isn't actually that bad. I've played with druids who basically never cast spells, thus making natural spell pointless. Wildshape was more than enough to make them combat monsters.

Telonius
2008-11-03, 04:31 PM
... when your DM mentions he's read the Evil Overlord List.

Zenos
2008-11-03, 04:32 PM
When you spot an undead blue whale beneath your fishing boat in a campaign where all undead are hostiles.

Fiery Diamond
2008-11-03, 04:35 PM
... your mom 'asks' to play

I really don't see what the problem with this is... my mom's 50 and she's a good D&D player.


...when the DM looks at the Monster Manual and says, "Oh, I didn't know it worked that that. That's more powerful than I thought," when he usually throws overpowered enemies at you anyway.

I've done that to my players before.

-Fiery Diamond

TengYt
2008-11-03, 05:03 PM
When the monster's CR is higher than your 5 character party's combined HP.

xPANCAKEx
2008-11-03, 05:03 PM
... when the skillmonkey dies in the entrance to the dungeon

chiasaur11
2008-11-03, 05:37 PM
- When the DMPC ISN'T a blatent Mary Sue.

- When the DMPC HASN'T attempted to betray your party or lead them to their deaths.

- When your Level 1 Wizard gets attacked by a hungry housecat.

- When your DM's notes consist only of stick figure drawings stabbing other stick figure drawings.

Yeah.

The stick figures should be shooting fireballs and lasers.

TengYt
2008-11-03, 05:37 PM
... when the skillmonkey dies in the entrance to the dungeon

And the healer was the one who killed him.

Seffbasilisk
2008-11-03, 05:38 PM
When the Barbarian is knocked unconscious in the surprise round....

FinalJustice
2008-11-03, 05:48 PM
...with a melee attack
...after a 'Diamond Nightmare Blade' yell
...by a BBEG that's supposed to be a wizard
...who has a strange staff with a phoenix on top it
...and strikes an awkward pose after
...while taunting the rest of the party

Doomsy
2008-11-03, 05:59 PM
...The Chaotic Stupid guy sets the bar on fire just as the guy on the porch tells you how the city council are a 'retired' epic level adventuring party. And one of them owns the place.

....After long deliberation you just pay a changeling to imitate the princess and tell the king she and the BBEG got a little brain damaged during the escape.

....While at a mages college, the player of the combat hog glances up midconversation and says he sucker punches the archmagus.

....It turns out the enemies weakness is love and your party is chaotic evil.

....You storm the BBEGs castle only to find it empty and a Myconoid telling you the princess is another castle.

....The archmage is not so much evil as he has alzheimers. Also, he was a wild mage to start with.

....Someone in the party casts Tongues on the Lady of Pain.

....You find an impeccably dressed Slaadi with OCD.

....The Illithid has levels in barbarian.

....The paladin has a kill count on his shield.

....The cleric believes in triage and hates you all.

EvilJames
2008-11-03, 06:00 PM
Actually, in 2nd edition, our DM claimed this was possible. Get a familiar and use Polymorph Other; there was a chance that the polymorphed creature would become truly the creature it was turned into, which increased if the new form was more intelligent than the old one. You then use Haste to age the dragon.

It's suggested that you have several pink rhomboid stones on hand to make sure your familiar survives the numerous system shock rolls that will be called for.

Actually you can't really do it this way all that can happen is the familiar thinks it's really a blue dragon. It won't have the hp or special abilities of the dragon at all (thought it might be able to attack better now) Any way the wizard is seriously risking his life attempting this anyway as I doubt the system shock of a familiar is very high.

TengYt
2008-11-03, 06:15 PM
The Chaotic Neutral, 8 Int and Wis wacko is the voice of reason in a party of high mental statted Lawful Gooders.

Your Good party has caused more crimes and carnage than they have prevented.

When the adventure DOESN'T start in a tavern. Or, if it does, a bar fight doesn't break out in at least half an hour of playing.

When the players spend half a session debating on how to open an unguarded, untrapped, unlocked door. That isn't even in a dungeon.

When the party is so paranoid they kill any Commoner who looks at them funny, and search EVERYTHING for traps. Including every single inch of the floor, ceiling and walls.

When, during a high intrigue, high RP politics game, the party Druid says "I wild shape into a bear and maul the king."

When the DM bursts into tears at any point of the session and throws all their notes into the bin.

When half the party is killed by the same trap they spent an entire session carefully planning, arming and setting up.

When the party Barbarian calls himself "Leeroy."

iceguy
2008-11-03, 06:33 PM
...You are in a dungeon seemingly decarated in honor of mindflayers
...and the writings on the walls repeatedly referee to something called The Great Old One
...And the partys wizard starts to fome at the mouth and talk in tongues at a successful decipher script check

Just Alex
2008-11-03, 07:26 PM
... the insane party member can now not only turn invisible, but gains the highest consistent damage output

Malkavian with decent Potence, high Obfuscate, and Valeren 5 is a terrifying thing.

Wckd
2008-11-03, 07:50 PM
... when you, as a wizard hear loud footsteps getting closer and a voice shouting: "time to hang the wizard" while you are stuck between two bars in a jailcell with no possessions other than the clothes you wear.

tokonaut
2008-11-03, 07:58 PM
.... The druid eats his animal companion....
.... Followed by the spellcaster eating his familiar....
.... There was an actual good reason for these actions....

mindblank19
2008-11-03, 08:29 PM
...the impostor you killed was of Lawful Good alignment

...the dungeon boss is an illusion

...the dungeon boss is already dead when you get there

...you encounter the Tarrasque several times within a week

...the DM makes you fight armed cats instead of kobolds

...the same character gets struck by lightning twice

...the best-Diplomacy check in your party belongs to an intelligent, Chaotic Evil sword with Charisma 6

...you're fighting zombies and they prove more charismatic than your cleric

...there's a warlock in the party and you're the DM (3.5 only)

...the barbarian fails a Will save

...all of the monsters in the adventure are spontaneously replaced by same-CR hydras/trolls/devils.

...you're fighting a Chaotic Evil half-celestial

...you're fighting a Chaotic Evil inevitable

...you're fighting a Chaotic Evil ex-Aspect of St. Cuthbert

...any party member says, "You shall not pass!"

...the enemy is high enough in levels to master the clone spell

...you are attacked by ducks

...the paladin fails to sacrifice himself to save you

...the paladin sacrifices himself and the foes eat his body

...the paladin sacrifices himself and the foes use the body as an offering to Erythnul/Gruumsh/Lolth

...the enemy succeeds on a Trip attack

...you get a double crit and hear "it's not dead yet"

...the DM casually mentions that he gave all your foes Diehard as a bonus feat

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-11-03, 08:37 PM
...there's a warlock in the party and you're the DM (3.5 only)? Warlocks are underpowered, if anything. Why would they be as bad as anything else mentioned here?

tokonaut
2008-11-03, 08:43 PM
.... someone starts quoting monty python and the holy grail....

Kris Strife
2008-11-03, 10:33 PM
.... someone starts quoting monty python and the holy grail....

I'm more worried when this doesn't happen.

Ravens_cry
2008-11-03, 10:37 PM
I'm more worried when this doesn't happen.

Yeah, it's traditional.

Neko Toast
2008-11-03, 10:38 PM
I'm more worried when this doesn't happen.

*nods in agreement*

Eldariel
2008-11-03, 10:39 PM
... the new guy wants to try a kobold paladin

I don't think this got the +1 it needed. Also:

...when someone asks if they can play a Dweomerkeeper of Mystra.

...your Diplomancer fails to convert the opponent.

...the Frenzied Berserker rolls a 1 on Frenzy.

...the word "munchkin" is spoken.

...the new player says "I'm a roleplayer."

Weezer
2008-11-03, 10:39 PM
... the DM pulls out a splatbook you dont recognize and smiles

Ascension
2008-11-03, 10:47 PM
Yeah, it's traditional.

On a similar note...

...when no one has a bad feeling in a Star Wars game.

Kris Strife
2008-11-03, 10:58 PM
the DM is reading American Gods and you're the bard.

the serious rper names his elf Legolamb

the power gamer asks to play a commoner

the Loonie offers to be ST in Vampire

Waspinator
2008-11-03, 11:05 PM
When someone finds the droids they're looking for.

Collin152
2008-11-03, 11:19 PM
When someone finds the droids they're looking for.

When they do need to see identification.

When they do not move along.

Carrion_Humanoid
2008-11-03, 11:30 PM
The new guy touches all of your dice. . .

and he's eating Cheetos.

xPANCAKEx
2008-11-03, 11:40 PM
....when any bbeg fight is TOO easy

TheCountAlucard
2008-11-04, 01:41 AM
...you are attacked by ducks

...the paladin fails to sacrifice himself to save you

...I find these two are funnier read one after the other like that.

Akisa
2008-11-04, 01:43 AM
...the new player says "I'm a not roleplayer."

Fixed for you...

Irreverent Fool
2008-11-04, 06:39 AM
? Warlocks are underpowered, if anything. Why would they be as bad as anything else mentioned here?

Diplomancer.

...the DM hands the wizard's player a note and the player merely nods and carries on with what he was doing.

obnoxious
sig

Kami2awa
2008-11-04, 06:47 AM
...the new player says "I'm a roleplayer."

Why's that bad?

Irreverent Fool
2008-11-04, 08:06 AM
Why's that bad?

This shouldn't be something someone coming to a D&D game needs to qualify. Stating it outright is usually an indication that the person is going to be trouble.

Picture in your mind someone doing the same thing in a different situation... such as your doctor walking into the room and saying "I'm a doctor!"

obnoxious
sig

Wckd
2008-11-04, 09:37 AM
... when your dm becomes the president/prime minister/Supreme Warlord/Shogun/Dictator/Tyran/religious head of state/Other sort of leader in the region(Country/Planet/Island/Universe/plane/etc...) where you exist.

xPANCAKEx
2008-11-04, 10:14 AM
... when one of the party's PCs is directly inspired by something they saw on 4chan

littlechicory
2008-11-04, 11:29 AM
... two words: goblin paladin.

... even the cleric has "Craft: Shiv" as a class skill. (apparently the DM custom-brewed a Ghetto domain for that one)

Subotei
2008-11-04, 06:57 PM
the party's batman-wizard is waving a severed Gnoll's head around in one hand, and a bloodied sword in the the other, pretending he's Conan....

FMArthur
2008-11-04, 08:01 PM
the party's batman-wizard is waving a severed Gnoll's head around in one hand, and a bloodied sword in the the other, pretending he's Conan....

I actually had a Beguiler who pretended to be a Barbarian for an entire campaign... even to the party. I remember they kept trying to get me to wear armor, and I kept having to call them wusses for even considering it. :smallbiggrin:

Waspinator
2008-11-04, 08:17 PM
When they do need to see identification.

When they do not move along.

When you actually want to buy some death sticks.

When you don't think you need to rethink your life.

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-11-04, 08:21 PM
When you actually want to buy some death sticks.

When you don't think you need to rethink your life.When the Paladin is perfectly willing to Mindrape non-violent petty criminals because they're a distraction.

littlechicory
2008-11-04, 09:20 PM
... it is perfectly acceptable to throw a teammate who is in negative hit points at a chimera in hopes that it will chomp him and leave the rest of us alone.

... the person who makes said throw crits and deals damage with their unconscious "ally".

Eldariel
2008-11-04, 09:25 PM
...the new player says "I'm a NOT roleplayer."

Fixed for you...

At least that guy is honest.

mindblank19
2008-11-04, 09:35 PM
...You are ordered to round up a group of four rebellious NPCs (classes: fighter, rogue, cleric, wizard)

...The DM says, "Oh by the way, I'm running a simultaneous campaign in the same setting and plan to have the parties meet up sometime soon"

...Any cooperation is involved

...Your barbarian hits the enemy wizard without bloodying him/her

...The rogue is hit by a trap for full damage

...You miss with a 19

...The DM rolls a 2, then says, "Oh by the way, I've decided to stack everything that expands crit range", then rolls again

...The DM prepares to roll damage; at the same time, a delivery truck arrives at the door.

...Your opponent rolls a 2 in initiative and goes first

...Your monk with 18 Dex and improved initiative goes last

...The DM says "no rethrows"

...You take 20 and find nothing

...You roll a 20 and find nothing

...Your campaign involves a war between half-celestial monkeys and fiendish half-dragon ducks

...You are attacked by ducks (again)

...The word "etcetera" is used

...The word "Hardness" is used

...The word "Chuck Norris" is used without appropriate prayers

Da King
2008-11-04, 09:39 PM
...The party finds/makes explosives.

...Time travel is involved.

...You are attacked with a vorpal forklift.

Waspinator
2008-11-04, 10:03 PM
When the Paladin is perfectly willing to Mindrape non-violent petty criminals because they're a distraction.

That did seem a little fishy to me, too.

Flickerdart
2008-11-04, 10:07 PM
Picture in your mind someone doing the same thing in a different situation... such as your doctor walking into the room and saying "I'm a doctor!"
I would so do that if I was a doctor. I'm not even kidding.

BRC
2008-11-04, 10:09 PM
...You roll a 20 and find nothing

Happened in the latest session against "The Poet" who is possibly my group's new favorite NPC, despite the fact that his purpose is to be an obstacle that the party cannot overcome, only run away from. Hide In Plain Sight+Sneak Attack+Spring Attack is such an evil combo.
He's got somthing like a +20 to hide checks (Due to a template), one of my players rolled a 20 on his spot check and still didn't see him. They knew he was there somewhere because he had just popped out of the shadows and stabbed one of them.
He also speaks entierly by quoting shakespeare.

Raz_Fox
2008-11-04, 10:09 PM
- The DM turns on One-Winged Angel when the battle with the BBEG begins.
- If he grins like the Cheshire Cat after you describe your action.
- If he ever goes into a BSOD, heroic or otherwise. (Happened to me as a DM)
- If he casually mentions a powerful NPC with a title including the following words: Storm/Blood/Skull/Inquisitor/Beserker/Dragonslayer.

Kris Strife
2008-11-04, 11:50 PM
The DM buys a new splat book the week before the fight with the BBEG.

He got the last copy and wont let you look at it.

the DM lets his girlfriend roll up her first char before anyone else shows up.

RandomNPC
2008-11-05, 12:09 AM
- The DM turns on One-Winged Angel when the battle with the BBEG begins.

i did that with a lich who had fought the party four times prior, just to study them. came in with an active brooch of windwall, a readied action to dismiss the druids summons, protection from all but one element (being a lich helps there) and all the party knew was he could cast spells and they didn't want him touching them.

SoD
2008-11-05, 12:11 AM
The sorcerer burns down an entire forest 5 minutes into the first session. Without casting a spell. By accident. Which effects all encounters planned...

The party thinks they killed the wererat...

Said wererat disapears...

And a random NPC healer appears shortly after, with homemade salve...

I'm the DM.

Piedmon_Sama
2008-11-05, 12:13 AM
....You tell the newbie player who's down to 2 hp he might consider withdrawing and he says "oh, I can do that?"

....You didn't bother statting out the City Burgomeister because the PCs would be insane to attack an important NPC.

....The PCs stop when the BBEG offers them a place in his nefarious organization and start asking about starting benefits.

....The PCs confront the diabolist Chancellor, just as he has the Princess trussed up in the sacrificial circle, and decide their opening shot should be a fireball.

....You figured the PCs wouldn't be insane enough to attack the BBEG if he approached them in a public setting.

....Your players are angry because there is no treasure at the bottom of the cove, despite what an adolescent pauper said his friend's big brother heard from the blacksmith when he was talking to the midwife....

....After killing a dozen Drow raiders, the PCs capture the Priestess leading them because "she's been raised knowing no other way; we must show her the light!"

....You're starting a new campaign, and a player walks in with a 12-page backstory about his roi enfant character, who had his kingdom stolen from him by a Sorceress who killed his parents and replaced him with a Doppelganger, only for him to escape into the wilderness and be trained by the Seven Sacred Swordsages of Thunder Mountain for 10 years. The players are all level 1.

Brock Samson
2008-11-05, 01:51 AM
... it is perfectly acceptable to throw a teammate who is in negative hit points at a chimera in hopes that it will chomp him and leave the rest of us alone.

... the person who makes said throw crits and deals damage with their unconscious "ally".

... and kills the chimera.

... and later asks what happened when he was unconscious (and actually HAS sense motive as a class skills, max ranks).

BardicDuelist
2008-11-05, 02:06 AM
On a similar note...

...when no one has a bad feeling in a Star Wars game.

That's not allowed...it's in the rules somewhere...

Brock Samson
2008-11-05, 02:13 AM
... your wizard decides to Power Attack.

Drascin
2008-11-05, 02:14 AM
- The DM turns on One-Winged Angel when the battle with the BBEG begins.

I used Dancing Mad, myself. The effect on the players faces was most interesting :smallamused:

Brock Samson
2008-11-05, 02:21 AM
... your wizard decides to Power Attack.

... and hits.

... and crits.

... with a scythe.

Doomsy
2008-11-05, 02:29 AM
....The DM rolls some dice behind the screen and suddenly busts out, "Boom! Headshot!" underneath his breath while grinning psychotically.

Zen Master
2008-11-05, 10:04 AM
- If he grins like the Cheshire Cat after you describe your action.


If that includes the disappearing from sight part, I'd be really worried :)

mindblank19
2008-11-05, 12:11 PM
...the DM says, "New rule, any creatures that would normally rise as undead in my plans rise on the first turn after they're killed"

...anyone uses an ability/power "in retrospect"

...the DM claims his d20s are all rigged and asks to borrow yours

...there's a Derro PC; a Derro PC who has NOT been cured of madness

...the DM bans the chain shirt, breastplate, full plate and tower shield because "they're just too powerful"

...said DM decides to use v4 item selling prices in a v3.5 campaign

...said DM decides to give you only arcane scrolls and wands in treasure

...said DM is using virtual dice rollers which say "error" whenever he rolls the boss damage rolls

...said DM is your girlfriend and hates to lose :smallwink:

Akisa
2008-11-05, 12:12 PM
On a similar note...

...when no one has a bad feeling in a Star Wars game.




That's not allowed...it's in the rules somewhere...

That's because no wants to spend a feat to have a bad feeling :P (Bad Feeling is The Force Unleashed Campaign setting book).

mindblank19
2008-11-05, 12:21 PM
forgot one

...the DM mentions that anything you're fighting has more than one template applied to it (things like dire animal don't count)

FMArthur
2008-11-05, 12:27 PM
...One of the players throws his character's life away trying to "step on" a macro-diminutive enemy.

littlechicory
2008-11-05, 02:22 PM
... you return from the bathroom only to find a note on your character sheet saying "With this note, I have cursed your dice. :)"

The guy this happened to started rolling stats and got 1, 1, 2, and 3. The DM allowed him to reroll his 1s... and he got 1s again. He rolled three nat 1s in his first hour of play with that character. The DM found out who did it and told her to lift the curse before he removed her character from the game.

Kami2awa
2008-11-05, 05:03 PM
I would so do that if I was a doctor. I'm not even kidding.

I'm the Doctor, by the way...

KazilDarkeye
2008-11-05, 05:28 PM
Black Mage and Fighter show up. Red Mage, Thief, White Mage e.t.c are optional here.

I also direct your attention here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29508)

Shosuro Ishii
2008-11-05, 10:41 PM
...Your campaign involves a war between half-celestial monkeys and fiendish half-dragon ducks




This is....without a doubt....the best campaign setting idea ever. Nothing elsecould possibly this awesome, ever (unless it were run out of Deadlands, at which point the awesometer would break).

Collin152
2008-11-05, 11:00 PM
This is....without a doubt....the best campaign setting idea ever. Nothing elsecould possibly this awesome, ever (unless it were run out of Deadlands, at which point the awesometer would break).

Replace Ducks with Ravens and I'm totally there.

littlechicory
2008-11-06, 10:32 AM
...Your campaign involves a war between half-celestial monkeys and fiendish half-dragon ducks

What are they doing at night in the parks?
Ducks, ducks: quack quack! Quack quack!
Think of them waddling about in the dark!
Ducks, ducks: quack quack! Quack quack!

BadJuJu
2008-11-06, 12:34 PM
...the DM says 'your character wouldn't behave like this, x, y or z are not important to him!'

Ive left in the middle of games for somthing like that. I hate a DM to tell me how my guy feels. Back on topic...

...The DMPC has a freakin novel for a spell list.

...The DM talks about a DMPC for 10 minutes about how "cool" he is.

...The first 5 turns in the initiative arepeople saying, "I go into a rage and charge"

DiscipleofBob
2008-11-06, 01:24 PM
...a player asks if he can play a half-dragon goliath.

...a player asks if he can play a pseudodragon monk.

...a player asks if he can play a 12-year old girl.

...another player declares "I attack the 12-year old girl."

All of these have happened recently to me, the first three being from the same person (albeit different games), and the last one was when the 12-year old girl basically sold out the other player to the BBEG. Long story, the latter player ended up leaving the party due to unfortunate set of circumstances to follow.

Mark Hall
2008-11-06, 02:48 PM
...a player asks if he can play a pseudodragon monk.

I always wanted to play a pseudragon. The ECL is a tough hump, but I think you could make some great builds for that (for example, a Scout... movement-based bonus damage and skill-monkeying).

AKA_Bait
2008-11-06, 03:08 PM
I always wanted to play a pseudragon. The ECL is a tough hump, but I think you could make some great builds for that (for example, a Scout... movement-based bonus damage and skill-monkeying).

I made a pseudodragon wizard with a item familair (his spellbook) once. Didn't get to play Fenrus much though, sadly. He was fun.

TheCountAlucard
2008-11-06, 03:45 PM
...when the BBEG is a Diviner with Craft Contingent Spell.

TengYt
2008-11-06, 03:54 PM
When the entire session becomes a non-interactive cutscene between NPCs.

When your party is forced to disarm before heading into the court of a king who's daughter you sold into slavery instead of rescuing.

When, instead of following the main plot, the mostly Lawful Good party decides to see how many plates and forks they can steal from an inn, and attempt to sell them to the local blacksmith.

When the BBEG is actually the party Wizard.

When, in a high magic campaign, your only spellcaster is a multiclassed Bard/Ranger.

When your idea of "Diplomacy" is kill the NPC in question with a Disinitigrate, butcher any witnesess, torch the building and everything else in a ten mile radius.

When the BBEG has more syllables in his name than he does levels.

When "helping a farmer find his lost sheep" becomes a crucial, plot central quest for the Epic level party.

When, upon entering the room, the Rogue has to make no less than 25 near impossible saving throws.

Mark Hall
2008-11-06, 04:57 PM
I made a pseudodragon wizard with a item familair (his spellbook) once. Didn't get to play Fenrus much though, sadly. He was fun.

Fenrus? Shouldn't he have been an awakened rat?

AKA_Bait
2008-11-06, 05:05 PM
Fenrus? Shouldn't he have been an awakened rat?

Should have, butI was already chock full of those because I'd started using Slius the Rat Lich in the game I was running at the same time with most of the same players.

It is, however, awesome that someone actually got that reference. No one in my gaming group did. :smallsmile:

Mark Hall
2008-11-06, 06:35 PM
Should have, butI was already chock full of those because I'd started using Slius the Rat Lich in the game I was running at the same time with most of the same players.

It is, however, awesome that someone actually got that reference. No one in my gaming group did. :smallsmile:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2397/1876098375_510ef6b234_o.jpg
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2090/1875864601_7007a24f18_o.jpg

Collin152
2008-11-06, 07:05 PM
What are they doing at night in the parks?
Ducks, ducks: quack quack! Quack quack!
Think of them waddling about in the dark!
Ducks, ducks: quack quack! Quack quack!

They smirk at your hairstyle and sleep with your wife!

Inyssius Tor
2008-11-06, 07:27 PM
Ducks, ducks! Quack, quack! Quack, quack!

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-11-06, 09:17 PM
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2397/1876098375_510ef6b234_o.jpgAll I can say in response:http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/9190/bdyjayandduke3e72ef46nz9.jpg

D_Lord
2008-11-07, 06:19 PM
Then the DM puts on both Darth Vader's theim, and One Winged Angel.

Cheesegear
2008-11-07, 11:27 PM
...The monk asks if he can buy/find any Partially Charged Wands...
...The DM says "Hey...What's your AC again?"
...The DM says "Everyone roll Reflex."
...The DM introduces an Drow Ranger NPC who wields dual scimitars.
...You've just had a large Dragon (the BBEG henchman kind, not actual) fight, and you're preparing to fight the actual BBEG, and the cleric says "I'm evil. I don't have spontaneous Healing."
...The Cleric asks the rest of the party "Who's our healer?"
...Somebody has a Fighter 10/Wizard 10. Any they say "I can fight and do magic! That's pure win...Right?"

La_Carnaval
2008-11-08, 01:28 AM
...The character with 1hp and a 20 dex is the tank
...The DM says "oh so *that's* what it does..."
...The DM rolls weather for two weeks because you mentioned winter
...The DM then rolls two storms with tornadoes and a hurricane in the middle of a mountain range with no discernible cover

Paul H
2008-11-09, 05:43 PM
Hi

You're playing an 'official' module with just 3 chars plus a cohort when...

3 x big beserking airborne creatures charge in surprise round with lances, (we were all airborne),taking down the Cleric & party Tank, reducing cohort (Beguiler) to 0HP. Just left you (Mystic Theurge).

Thankfully the creatures had poor maeuvurability. Managed to Close Wnds the Cleric & heal the Beguiler. Hard battle, but Beguiler finished that one for us.

Cheers
Paul H

The Glyphstone
2008-11-09, 06:13 PM
Your DM, who normally glosses over non-boss fights cinematically, asks 'are you SURE you don't just want to cutscene this one?"

It turned out to be a Skeletal T-Rex, for our Level 5 party. The wizard didn't prepare enough blasting spells, so it was up to my Beguiler to finish the thing off by swiping the Paladin's Cure Light Wounds wand and UMDing it to death.

Eldariel
2008-11-09, 06:15 PM
...when the BBEG is a Diviner with Craft Contingent Spell.

Speaking of which, how did it go?

paddyfool
2008-11-09, 06:54 PM
The party's main damage-dealer fails his will save vs Dominate.

The entire party except your character fail their will saves vs Confusion.

(Both have happened. The first killed my character, and the second would have, were it not for DM fudging).

Laurellien
2008-11-09, 07:04 PM
... the DM has a 2nd edition AD&D module which he has 'updated'.

Flickerdart
2008-11-09, 07:08 PM
The sorcerer burns down an entire forest 5 minutes into the first session. Without casting a spell. By accident. Which effects all encounters planned...
My Pyrokineticist once set a forest on fire, but that was to kill everything inside. I think that ended the game, as I nailed some plot NPCs.

Magnor Criol
2008-11-09, 07:11 PM
...the DM's answer to the rogue's search check is "You're absolutely certain there's no traps in that room."

...the DM asks, "Are your weapons both magic and silver? Or just magic?" In the middle of a fight.

...upon bringing a newfound magic item you can't identify back to the town's resident sage to see if he can identify it, he demands you leave his house at once with "that accursed thing", and begins ritually purifying the table you just sat the item down on.

...that guy you just killed was not, in fact, simply a doppleganger impersonating the king.

SoD
2008-11-09, 07:15 PM
I'm the Doctor, by the way...

Well, I'm the Doctor. That's right. Mysteries are over, SoDs the post-tennant Doctor. And you can all be my traveling companions.

Flickerdart
2008-11-09, 07:22 PM
...that guy you just killed was not, in fact, simply a doppleganger impersonating the king.
That just means the real doppleganger is still at large! More adventures await! :smallbiggrin:

chiasaur11
2008-11-09, 07:29 PM
Well, I'm the Doctor. That's right. Mysteries are over, SoDs the post-tennant Doctor. And you can all be my traveling companions.

Ah, but some of us might be the Doctor too. Time travel, anonymity, and regenerations combine to make it unclear to all but one of us who all is you.

Chaltab
2008-11-09, 10:54 PM
-The GM decides to scrap the entire moderately difficult campaign because he thinks it's too easy.

-The crazy Super Sentai fan tries his hand at being your BESM d20 GM.

-A critical hit to the throat with an Composite Bow doesn't even faze your opponent.

Kris Strife
2008-11-09, 11:09 PM
your DM tells you "I'm letting a friend I met online DM tonight. His screen name was Tippy" halfway through a 1-20 campaign.

Celeres
2008-11-09, 11:12 PM
when you have an item that gives guidance, and one of the PCs asks for guidance to the G-spot

rayne_dragon
2008-11-09, 11:16 PM
...the brain damaged fighter comes up with a good idea.

...your wizard asks if you can handle being hit by another fireball.

...you decided to play Call of Cthulhu (great game/setting, but honestly, you're more or less doomed when you start)

...the cleric drops from 385 points of damage caused by a sneak attack, in the marketplace by an invisible creature that permanently drains levels each round. (And yes, this actually happened)

...your party makes a rule to kill 12 year old children on sight.

Kris Strife
2008-11-09, 11:28 PM
The dwarf fighter has a better swim speed than walking speed.

the concussed sorcerer gets a better perform check than the bard.

Weiser_Cain
2008-11-09, 11:38 PM
I'm asked to actually pay attention beyond picking a spell.

derfenrirwolv
2008-11-09, 11:52 PM
..the gm of a modern campaign knows the exact date and time that the Mayan calendar predicts the end of the world.

...the dm turns to a male character and says "congratulations on your new child"

...the dm starts looking for a specific miniature for a badguy. Doubly so if said miniature is painted.

... you need to look out the window to see if the damage roll was an impending thunder storm or a fistfull of D6's.

Kris Strife
2008-11-10, 12:07 AM
..the gm of a modern campaign knows the exact date and time that the Mayan calendar predicts the end of the world.
its December 20th, 2012. or 12/20/2012


... you need to look out the window to see if the damage roll was an impending thunder storm or a fistfull of D6's.

you can tell the difference because the damage roll is louder.

TheCountAlucard
2008-11-10, 02:37 AM
Speaking of which, how did it go?

Not too bad, actually.

iceguy
2008-11-10, 07:25 AM
...Your cleric is a Half-Orc follower of Gork and Mork

Paul H
2008-11-11, 09:49 AM
Hi

Your party's confused raging barbarian suddenly turns on the party Fighter & drops him to -30HP or something, (from full HP). Then 3 other party members declare one-use certs to cast Time Stop & use Wands etc to bring him to (just) positive HP.

It happened in a Living Greyhawk game facing Umber Hulks. We were about lvls 10-12.

Note: We have a rule that characters die at end of round, hence hurried use of our one-use favours.

Cheers
Paul H

Project_Mayhem
2008-11-11, 09:58 AM
From a Cthulhu game I recently DM'd:

- The walls start dripping blood, you can't breathe or move properly, and you hear a crashing slithering noise coming closer
- You're walking through a library, you stop and look, and all of the books seem to be called 'The revelations of Glakki'.
- You the look round and realise the corridor you were walking down expands into infinity both ways.
- Your pre-made character begins with 35 SAN

hewhosaysfish
2008-11-11, 11:39 AM
...a ninja appears, does 23 damage with a shuriken to the party's Frenzied Beserker and vanishes again...

...the ninja is also a squirrel...


Anyone who's ever played with a Frenzied Beserker in the party should get the first one. Especially a Leap Attacking, Shock Troopering Frenzied Beserker. My Warlock still has the Summon Swarm invocation at level 13 despite the fact it doesn't, just so he can throw swarms of rats in front of the FB.

The squirrel ninja thing, OTOH, is more specific to the group I'm in.

Irreverent Fool
2008-11-13, 07:55 PM
...instead of sending an army to defeat your horde of horrors, the local king sends a rag-tag band of misfits to stop you.

chiasaur11
2008-11-13, 08:06 PM
...Your cleric is a Half-Orc follower of Gork and Mork

No, that's a sign your enemies are in trouble.

If you don't have enemies, however...

Yeah. I can see the problem.

Mark Hall
2008-11-14, 02:24 AM
... the plan for attacking the duergar fortress consists of "Well, lots of us are shiny."

Kris Strife
2008-11-14, 03:28 AM
The evocation wizard's favorite phrase begins with "There is no overkill..."

The DM hears a party member say "What else can go wrong?", "At least things can't get any worse.", or Whats the worst that can happen?"

Hzurr
2008-11-14, 01:00 PM
... the plan for attacking the duergar fortress consists of "Well, lots of us are shiny."

To be fair, you did have a lot of shiny people in the party.

...

which should count for something...

littlechicory
2008-11-14, 01:23 PM
... Twilight references are directed at everybody BUT the dhampir dread necro.

tokonaut
2008-11-14, 01:27 PM
....after saving the children of a village the party decides to keep one as a mascot.....

....The DM says "no the parents wouldn't allow it." and the party leader says they can be taken care of and the rest of the group nods in unison.......

....they are very adamant that the kid be a fat kid.....

chiasaur11
2008-11-14, 02:23 PM
... Twilight references are directed at everybody BUT the dhampir dread necro.

I think Twilight refs in general are a bad sign.

Chaltab
2008-11-15, 03:02 PM
I think Twilight refs in general are a bad sign.

Not when the GM plays the Edward NPC as a short fat Mario clone with rocket launchers and the Bella NPC as a huge militant harpy obsessed with money.