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View Full Version : Friendships: Ages, Genders, and Depths



Fiery Diamond
2008-11-12, 05:20 PM
Hey there, folks. I was pondering what to talk to my fellow forum-goers about, and I realized that I could talk with you all about such things as I like to talk to people I actually know in real life...well, some of the things, anyway.

Aaanyway... friendships. Do you notice any tendencies in yourselves to gravitate toward particular kinds of people? Not just social groups or appearances, either - specifically, for this thread, I was thinking about age with relation to yourself and gender with relation to yourself (that sounded weird). Do you tend to befriend people younger than you? Older? The same gender? The opposite gender? Also, how deep do your friendships generally get? Do you make lots of friends who are just people to chat with or do you form a very few really close relationships where you truly feel like you deeply understand each other? I wanna know - let's talk about our friendships!

Me, personally... it's been different since I've come to college, mostly because pretty much everyone is the same age or older than me, but I usually make friends more easily with people who are younger than me, and I gravitate toward them. In high school, nearly all my friends were younger than me. Also, the vast majority of my friends are girls (and I'm a guy) - I dunno, I guess I just find that there are more girls that I can easily get along with then there are guys. I'm a rather emotional guy, with my heart on my sleeve. In high school, I had a number of my female friends who would confide in me, and one who would ask me for boyfriend advice (!), which was weird because I've never had a girlfriend, just girls who are friends. Personally, I think it's probably better that way, despite how much I wish I had a girlfriend. Then finally, although I can easily make "friends" on a more shallow level (hang out with, tell stories and jokes, etc.), I only have a very few people I consider close friends, it takes a long time to reach that stage, and I value them deeply. Actually, my best friend in the world is a girl 3 years younger than me (I'm 19), and she's probably the only person who has ever gone from "I just met you" to "I can confide in you and hug you and say 'I love you' comfortably without fear of being misunderstood" within the space of a few weeks for me. She's an awesome person.

So, what about you people?

Castaras
2008-11-12, 05:26 PM
Depth wise, it's always been people around my age for "yeah, they're cool people to hang out with while I'm at school, other than that..."

For closer friendships, I've never really had any close friends until I came to the internets. And the longest have all been from Giantitp. Dunno about age though, probably older, and male, but eh. I always seem to feel more comfortable when talking to most guys. :smallcool:

arguskos
2008-11-12, 05:37 PM
I get along better with ladies than I do with gentlemen, for some reason. Never really thought about why, so I'm afraid I don't really have a reason why.

As for ages, well, since everyone here at college is my age or so, I guess that limits my choices. :smallbiggrin: Back home though, I got along better with my parent's friends than with my own, so I guess I deal with older folks better than younger ones (ironically, all my serious relationships have been with people younger than me).

Krrth
2008-11-12, 05:45 PM
I've always gotten along better with the womenfolk better than the menfolk. Usually older than me, as well.

SDF
2008-11-12, 05:46 PM
For me it's always been changing... I never really thought about it much. I have lots of different friends, significantly younger and older (from middleschool age to almost retirement age) Boys, girls... neither really seemed like I gravitated to one over the other. I have more friends that are closer to my age and boys than anything else, but that is a product of circumstance rather than preference or personality. Of course it seems different when it comes to a really personal relationship that I can confide in someone. There are very few people I do... and I don't think there is anyone I completely open up to on too much of a personal level. On matters of faith, the heart, and life I tend to be pretty reserved and closed. So I'm not really sure I have a clear answer to the question.

Ninja Chocobo
2008-11-12, 06:28 PM
Since I just finished 6 years at a Catholic all-boys high school, I haven't really had much opportunity to make friends outside my own age and gender group.
Don't know about depth, though. I'm certainly more open towards some of my friends than others.
...
This makes me look like I've got a lot more than six friends.

Gray Jester
2008-11-12, 06:41 PM
I tend to be closer to girls, and usually girls around my age who there isn't any reason a romantic overtone might exist (e.x. they aren't into guys, or we've already dated, or both, etc.), even if one might develop later on (such has happened at -least- once). I have an easier time breaking the initial trust barriers in something that isn't face to face chat, and usually when I'm feeling down and need someone to talk to, and all my usual close friends aren't around, effectively inducting someone into the 'really trusted' group of friends of mine.

I don't have a hard time having a fairly fun relationship with guys, it's just.... not the same emotionally? Part of it is cultural conditioning on both ends, but I find that with guys relationships are more "Everything -must- be shiny.", which comes across as false when it isn't, but it doesn't mean that it isn't a nice kind of relationship, just not a very deep one.

Thufir
2008-11-12, 09:23 PM
I mostly have friends around my age, certainly not too much younger than me, because they get immature and annoying.
I have more male friends than female, but I tend to prefer the female ones in most cases.

Swok
2008-11-12, 09:30 PM
I have friends all over the age range. Youngest is 16, oldest is 30. Both genders also, but I seem to initially get along with females better, but that might have just been a quirk from my school, as after finishing high school it hasn't played out like that. Though the bulk of my friends are within two or three years my age.

skywalker
2008-11-12, 10:17 PM
I'm a 20 year old male. My 3 best friends are 21, 17, and 48. Male, female, and male, respectively.

I probably get along better with the girls in my old friend group(I kept my HS friend group when I went to college), I see them more often, we talk more etc, but I don't doubt my friendship with the guys I often lose touch with, and when we do hang out we are big buddies.

So I guess I'm about even as far as guys vs. girls. My age range skews, I guess, to the slightly older, but not particularly.

I never really thought about it.

My deepest friendships(excluding Miss 17 up there) have always been with males. But I talk a lot more with females. I'd say that's just cuz females talk a whole lot more. :smallbiggrin:

Recaiden
2008-11-12, 10:43 PM
Mostly, I'm friends with people my age or a bit younger, but few if any are really deep friendships. I'd rather some of them were, but so far, they aren't.

Player_Zero
2008-11-12, 11:36 PM
I tend to hang out with myself. He's a not much of a conversationalist.

thubby
2008-11-13, 12:19 AM
i was actually just thinking about something along those lines.

i seem to always make friends with the girl who you would think is a goth but really isn't.

I've never had anyone close.

zeratul
2008-11-13, 12:22 AM
My friends are fairly spread out. Generally my friends are male, older than me, and into metal or goth or punk or something along those lines, most of them are also very geeky, girls who i become friends with I tend to form slightly deeper friendships with but I only rarely become friends with girls.

Ego Slayer
2008-11-13, 12:31 AM
^: <3

I haven't had a long term, close female friend in...few years. Granted, now err... the vaaast majority of my social life is with GitPers. I've got three friends in rl, all male and older by a tiny bit, one many years younger than I. Here, all my close friends have been male, with a varying age. So basically... my close friends range from 14 to 20s. :P My friends in rl fit into the same catagories as the ones here.

:smallconfused:

Player_Zero
2008-11-13, 12:32 AM
I tend to hang out with myself. He's a not much of a conversationalist.

You take that back! He's a saint!

Nychta
2008-11-13, 01:32 AM
I have more guy friends than girl friends, I guess, but I'm usually closer to the girls.
Most of my friends are a year older than me or more. I think I have about 5 not-so-close friends who are about a week to a month younger than me.

If I can't have a conversation for someone for at least an hour, with no gaps, I can't be their friend, usually. I might be an introvert, but I talk a lot to friends. That said, I usually get along better with extroverts than introverts.

Occasional Sage
2008-11-13, 01:41 AM
You take that back! He's a saint!

Um... it's fine to argue with yourself. Just, don't lose.

B-Man
2008-11-13, 02:11 AM
When I was in high school and slightly more social IRL than I am right now, my friends were younger and female. I also had a circle of friends that were of my age and pretty much equal for distribution of gender.

Now that I'm more reclused, most of my social circle consists of GitP and work. And guess what. I'm the youngest person in the call centre (and stayed the longest for people in my demographic, despite work slowly and agonisingly killing me). >.<

I think that I have developed crushes in the past with a couple of the girls that I hung out with at school, but they were mostly just awesome-type crushes-thingies. I dunno how to describe them.

So, in high school, the age range was 14-18 and now it's like 15-28 (with myself being 19 now and 18 at the end of high school).

onasuma
2008-11-13, 02:42 AM
School friends are all my age, or at least my year. However, my closer friends (i.e. those who dont laugh whenever i use gamer slang) are all older than me. Most are two years with 2 exceptions.
Gender wise, most of my social circle are guys, but then again round here a girl seen playing d&d is a very, very rare thing indeed.

Last_resort_33
2008-11-13, 03:05 AM
Hmm... all through school, I have usually got on better with people a year or so above me, but now I am 22, the majority of my friends are students of the 18-21 veriety. I get on with women better as friends I think, but there's not much in it. But then again there are two 15 year olds in the games group I play in, and they are top notch friends...

The main thing that all my friends have in common is that they either have some sort of psychological condition (Depression, Bi-Polar, Autism of some form, Blackouts, Anger problems....) or are ridiculously intelligent, and in most cases both.

Danin
2008-11-13, 03:44 AM
I tend to get along with people older than myself rather than younger. I do have a lot of my friends from high school, and of them I (being a guy) tend to float equally well between the gender gaps. Regardless though, I do find I identify with those older than myself far more regularly.

Mr.Silver
2008-11-13, 04:27 AM
I get along better with ladies than I do with gentlemen, for some reason. Never really thought about why, so I'm afraid I don't really have a reason why.


I've always gotten along better with the womenfolk better than the menfolk.


I tend to be closer to girls, and usually girls around my age who there isn't any reason a romantic overtone might exist
Quick question guys: how many sisters do you have? It's just that I'm similar, something which I've usually put down to the fact that all five of my siblings are female.

Vizen
2008-11-13, 05:21 AM
I tend to hang out with myself. He's a not much of a conversationalist.

You take that back! He's a saint!

...You sir, just cheered me up. Thank you! :smallbiggrin:

thubby
2008-11-13, 05:36 AM
Quick question guys: how many sisters do you have? It's just that I'm similar, something which I've usually put down to the fact that all five of my siblings are female.

i realize i wasn't actually quoted, but i too make friends more easily with women, and i have a little sister.
though i have a big brother too :smallconfused:

toasty
2008-11-13, 05:47 AM
All of my "close" friends have always been guys. But that's kinda because of the culture of the nation I've grown up in (bangladesh, its muslim, so the genders, just by habit in a lot of instances, "stay seperate"). I now have a few female friends, but the people i hang out with most are guys.

As for age... I'm 17 (by a few weeks), and my friends have always been older than me (for the most part) up until a few years ago when I met someone who is 18 months younger than me. All my close friends range from 15-19. My friends in general... 13-30. :D

Dispozition
2008-11-13, 06:38 AM
Quite frankly, I suck because I don't really have any friends I'm comfortable spilling my guts too. Maybe one or two, but I dunno...

As for friendship groups...Male, same age (17ish), generally same interests. I blame same-sex private school...I have very few lady friends :<

Faceist
2008-11-13, 06:46 AM
Most of my friends are about the same age as me, but I get along better with girls than boys. It's kind of weird. I'm straight, but I usually get plonked straight into the "non-threatening gay friend" bracket because, you know, I'm kind of weird. (And I have one sister and no brothers, plus I was pretty much raised by my mother, 'cause my dad's at work all the time.)

Oh! And uhm, I tend to make lots of friends quickly, but I'm not usually very close with them. But the few friends that I am close with are all pretty much "best buds 4-eva!" type people.

ghost_warlock
2008-11-13, 09:48 AM
Most of my close friends are within a few years of my age, and mostly from college. Unfortunately, after graduation we've all drifted apart to varying degrees, both geographically and interpersonally. Except for my girlfriend, who is an upgraded college friend, all of my old college buds live at least a state away and mostly further. :smallfrown:

I didn't really keep in touch with any of my high school 'friends.' I've looked a few of them up on Facebook or MySpace but we don't talk much. We've all grown in different directions since we last saw each other. My 10-year high school reunion was a complete joke as we only had 3-weeks notice of the event and most of the people I actually wanted to see again live far away.

My best friend is actually my 3-month-younger cousin. Right now, I'm sharing a duplex with him and my girlfriend. So, I guess, it's cool that I pretty much get to see my two closest friends every day. :smallsmile: Oh, one of my younger brothers lives in the semi-finished bedroom in the duplex' basement. He's okay, I guess. :smallsigh: We have some common interests but we live completely different lives.

I tend not to get involved in the personal lives of co-workers so it's hard for me to make new friends now that I'm out of school. I'd classify the best of them (the ones I might actually be friends with if I met them outside of work) as semi-close-acquaintances. :smallwink:

As for the Playground and internet friends, who are all you people? :smallconfused: :smalltongue: I'd say, around here, I'm closest with my fellow 'shippers. I made a few friends in the Town ages ago but it doesn't look like they post anymore. :smallfrown:

Sneak
2008-11-13, 10:02 AM
Quite frankly, I suck because I don't really have any friends I'm comfortable spilling my guts too. Maybe one or two, but I dunno...

Ah, same with me. Which is why I do it the healthy way and keep everything bottled up inside. The healthy way.

It's healthy.

Anyway, my friends mostly range from around 14 to 18, with a few exceptions (the exceptions mostly being older, not younger). For reference, I'm 15 now. I'd say that I have more female friends than male friends, but my close friends are often male.

Also, I'm jealous of all you people who have a ton of GitP friends. Screw real life, I want online buddies! D: :smalltongue:

Fiery Diamond
2008-11-13, 10:10 AM
i realize i wasn't actually quoted, but i too make friends more easily with women, and i have a little sister.
though i have a big brother too :smallconfused:

I wasn't quoted either, but... I have a little sister and a big brother. My best friend is actually only a few months older than my little sister, but I don't usually think about that, cuz she's my best friend, y'know? She's an awesome person.

TRM
2008-11-13, 10:12 AM
I too have a wide range of friendships, though not with anyone really younger than 13. The youngest person that I would consider a friend is 12, and the oldest is at least in his late 60s (he might be older). My favorite friends are between my age and people in their late teens.

Depth-wise, most of my friendships aren't deep (meaning we talk when we're togetherówe'll often go out of our ways to see each otheróand I enjoy their company, but we don't share our dreams, hopes, loves, and deepest wishes with each other); I only really share all my feelings with two people. But, since I'm good friends with most of my other friends, I sometimes have deeper conversations with other friends.

I'm much less open about my life and troubles off the internets.

Men vs. Women: I don't really care. I have plenty of friends of both genders.


Also, I'm jealous of all you people who have a ton of GitP friends. Screw real life, I want online buddies! D:
I'll be your GITP friend. Wait, I might be too busy with all my real life friends... I'll get back to you. :smalltongue:

Korith
2008-11-13, 10:28 AM
I auto-home on hidden repositories of genius...

That is to say, smart people who have a tendency to veil their brilliance in order to "fit in" tend to draw my attention. I latch on to people who do a few downright brilliant things without really being noticed by the general public for doing them.

I also latch on to smart people in general, but since I'm a bit of a crowd-avoider, the smart people who draw crowds to themselves don't hold my interest as much.

So what does this have to do with Ages, Genders and Depths?

Firstly...age is rarely a good indicator of intelligence. What age brings is experience, but experience also breeds bias. I like to know people across the spectrum of ages, and as readily interact with a senior citizen as I do an infant, or someone in, say, their 30s.

Secondly...genders. I have a bias towards interacting with females because I hope to breed some day, and non-interaction doesn't really strike me as a practical strategy for getting there :smallredface: However, I am stricken with the typical male shyness when the goals of eventual breeding and interesting social interaction begin to fight each other. Amusingly enough, it's the women I have no romantic intentions towards that I have the easiest time socializing with, followed by men, and waaaay in back are the women in whom I have an interest.

Lastly...depth. I crave deep friendships, and try to get them wherever I can. I tend to be the first friend to arrive and the last one to leave in lots of circumstances, be they for fun or grieving.

blackfox
2008-11-13, 11:07 AM
I have probably... oy... *thinks* 40% male friends, 60% female? All my really close friends are female. My friends range in age from about 13-20, with most people being within a year or so of me.

I know a lot of people older than me because of classes. I know people younger than me because there's a bit of a tradition in band in my school to adopt claim own a freshman that you think is particularly cool. So I have a junior (I had two, but one disowned me. :smalltongue:) and a freshman, and probably about 25 sophomores...

I have one... maybe two? friends that I'd tell everything to. The nice men in white coats say I'm not supposed to keep everything bottled up inside until I explode. :smallyuk: (Anyways, both of those girls are 17.)

Most of my friendships get to about two(?) steps below the really close I just talked about... People I have a color for.