the Town vs Jedi/Sith Squirrel Trial

[wxdruid]

Here is where we will start the Town vs Jedi/Sith Squirrel Trial

a few ground rules

everyone that is required for the trial will be heard (I will determine if your voice needs to be heard)
I will tolerate no disruptions in the courtroom (you will be asked to leave, if you don't I will call the police and they will cart you off in handcuffs)
I am the Judge, I have the final say, I will listen to all arguments, just be patient.

Would a representive from the police force and the Jedi/Sith Squirrel please appear before me.

The Jedi/Sith Squirrel is accused of a double murder

details— http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29085&page=8#219

Would Jedi/Sith Squirrel please state your plea for the record.

possible witnesses

Godric
Ravina
Krysta
Iames
NPC's

[Kyrian]

The involved NPCs enter and wait.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Iames enters, as do the police fairies.

[AmberVael]

The Sith Squirrel appears to be running a little late.
The Dancing Man, despite not being there in any way, and not speaking, assures everyone that the Squirrel is coming, but that he had some other matters to attend to first.
These matters had NOTHING to do with Death Acorn, he makes sure to mention.

[Renegade Paladin]

Gaheris entered the courtroom and sat down in the back, wishing to learn more about the Town's legal processes.

[wxdruid]

Gwen sighs, Will the Jedi/Sith Squirrel please appear before me and enter his plea in the case of the double murders.

[AmberVael]

The squirrel scampers and bounces in, its eyes gleaming. It suddenly wonders how it is going to convey his plea.

[wxdruid]

Jedi/Sith Squirrel, how do you plead?

[AmberVael]

The Dancing Man appears in a poof of raisins. He confers with the squirrel briefly.
"My client wishes to plead 'medium rare'."

[wxdruid]

Medium Rare? He can plead guilty, not guilty or similiar, but medium rare is not acceptable.

Dancing Man are you going to be the Jedi/Sith Squirrel's legal representation?

[AmberVael]

The Dancing Man wonders what the plea of 'similar' is, but decides not to go for it, since he figures it would be similar to being cooked medium rare. Something that his client does not wish to experience. He ponders the options, then pounds the options with his cane, then comes up with another plea.
"Yes. And not guilty."

[wxdruid]

Thank you, Dancing Man. The plea of not guilty is entered into the record.

Iames will you please call your first witness.

[Lord Iames Osari]

I call the female NPC to the stand. ((I'm not going to bother with the numbers, and I'll have to go after this anyway))

[wxdruid]

(Whoever is going to be the female NPC...Which I guess is Kyrian)

Will the female NPC please take the stand.

[Kyrian]

The female NPC takes the stand.

[Wukei]

Wukei enters and sits in the audience away from Gaheris, wishing to watch for once rather than participate.

[wxdruid]

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you (insert Diety's name)?

[Kyrian]

I do so swear.

[wxdruid]

Iames, you may question the witness.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Miss, would you please describe what happened for us?

[Kyrian]

I came into the station, since my brother was in jail for lying during his trial. I saw that he was dead and started to ask about it when that squirrel entered and started attacking me.

[Lord Iames Osari]

And after that?

[Kyrian]

((Hey look...there is more....))

Godric called out for Iames, and the squirrel killed me.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Thank you, Miss. Your Honor, I have no further questions.

[wxdruid]

Dancing Man, do you have any questions for the witness?

[AmberVael]

The Dancing Man jolts back into sleep, then sleep walks up to the stand.
He then realizes that he isn't being called up as a witness, and steps into his hat, which is apparently over on his chair next to the squirrel. He steps back out and and pulls a card out. He clears his throat with a scrub (which looks decidedly uncomfortable) and then asks:
"What- is your name?"

[Kyrian]

NPC #56781s9-2

((The sad thing is...I'm pretty sure I'm correct...I just typed that from memory...))

[AmberVael]

The Dancing Man takes a step back, eyeing the NPC warily.
"What- is your quest?"

[Kyrian]

My quest? What do you mean, my quest? I just came to get my brother out of jail, when I found he'd been killed by that squirrel.

[AmberVael]

"Why- am I quoting a movie which has no relation to this trial at all?"
The Dancing Man's eyes are very large and bulbous by the this point.

[Kyrian]

Do I have to answer this?

[AmberVael]

"Yes. No. Maybe. Yes."
The Dancing Man nods, his eyes very wide and staring.

[wxdruid]

Dancing Man, do you have any relevant questions for the witness?

[AmberVael]

"I have quite a few revelant questions."
((That misspelling was on purpose))

[wxdruid]

Please continue.

[AmberVael]

The Dancing Man suddenly becomes stiff and proper.
"We have already ascertained that my client entered the station and assaulted you. Now, in what way, or ways, did he attack you?"

[Kyrian]

It used some weapon I've never seen before, and attacked me with lightning.

[AmberVael]

"If you had never seen this weapon before, how did you know it was a weapon?"
The Dancing Man raises an eyebrow over his hat. How he managed that... it looks quite painful, or uncomfortable at least, but it doesn't seem to bother him.

[Kyrian]

Because it hurt.

[AmberVael]

"Exactly. No more questions, your honor."
The Dancing Man sits down. In the air.

In the back, another NPC wonders just what on earth that was supposed to have proven.

[wxdruid]

NPC, you may step down

Iames, please call your next witness.

[Lord Iames Osari]

I call Godric to the stand.

((I'll control him if you want, but it might be better if someone else did it))

[wxdruid]

Will Godric please come forward and take the stand.

[McBish]

Godric goes and takes the stand.

[wxdruid]

Godric, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you (insert Diety's name)?

[McBish]

I do so swear.

[wxdruid]

Iames, you may question the witness.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Godric, tell us what happened during the incident in question.

[McBish]

Well I was doing some paper work this random guy came in and punched me and locked himself in a cell. Then some squirrel came in and mauled the guys face. Then it pulled out some sort of energy weapon and cut of the guys head. Then the guy somehow told me he was pressing charges and I reminded him he recently had his head cut off. Then another NPC came inside and asked what happened. I told him then the energy weapon flew inside and the NPC dodged it and the squirrel started attacking him with lightning. I told the squirrel to stop and called for Iames. Iames came and tried to stop the squirrel but it managed to kill this NPC as well then ran away.

[Kyrian]

The female NPC leaves the stand.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Iames nods. Thank you, Godric. Would you tell the court how it is that the NPCs are able to testify here today?

[McBish]

Well my guess is that you raised them Iames, at least I assumed I mean people don't just pop out of their graves unless they're zombies. It's either that or the whole breaking of continuity feild this courthouse has.

[Lord Iames Osari]

((Pretty sure that I mention raising them in the thread *goes to check*))

[McBish]

Oh yeah you did raise them sorry, I was still a little freaked out about the whole evil squirrel killer thing.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Thank you, Godric. Your Honor, I have no further questions for Godric.

[wxdruid]

Dancing Man, do you have any questions for the witness?

[AmberVael]

The Dancing Man nods and gets up, pacing in front of Godric.
"What was the squirrel's appearance when the attack occured?"

[McBish]

He appeared to be a squirrel, one that could shoot lighting and had some crazy sword thing. It's eyes also turned red and crazyed as it attacked the second NPC.

[AmberVael]

"How many porcupines were present?"
The Dancing Man seems to think this a very important question.

[McBish]

I don't belive any porcupines where present, but I was a little distracted by the killer squirrel at the time so I might have missed them.

[AmberVael]

"So you admit that there may have been porcupines present?"

[McBish]

It is a possiblity that there were porcupines hiding somewhere. I didn't see any.

[AmberVael]

"Good. No more questions."

[wxdruid]

Godric, you may step down.

Iames, please call your next witness.

[Lord Iames Osari]

I call the defendant to the stand.

[wxdruid]

Will the Jedi/Sith Squirrel please take the stand.

[AmberVael]

The squirrel scampers up to the stand.

[wxdruid]

Jedi/Sith squirrel, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you (insert diety's name)?

[AmberVael]

The squirrel chatters a little.
It doesn't seem to be speech.

[wxdruid]

{squirrel} Jedi/Sith squirrel, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you (insert diety's name)?

[AmberVael]

The Dancing Man stands.
"He does."

[wxdruid]

Iames, you may question the witness

[Lord Iames Osari]

Iames attempts to establish telepathic contact with the squirrel.

[AmberVael]

The squirrel desperately tries to defend his mind with the force.

[Lord Iames Osari]

All I am attempting is to establish a link by which we can communicate. Is that alright with you? Iames sends telepathically.

[Hoseki]

((Best. Trial. Ever. :smallbiggrin:))

[Penguinizer]

((There is a possibility that porcupines were hiding somewhere XD))

[Lord Sidereal]

((These are not the prcupines you are looking for? Feel the bristles? Look I am your... yes. best idea ever))

[AmberVael]

"My client would prefer to have a translator."
The Dancing Man leans against the stand, despite the fact that he is still in his seat quite a bit away from the stand. One could swear that he is one spot, but somehow both sitting properly and leaning nonchalantly against the stand.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Can you provide such a translator?

[AmberVael]

"That can't wouldn't not not be me."
The Dancing Man tips his hat.

[Lord Iames Osari]

Iames raises his eyebrows. Very well. Sith Squirrel, do you dispute the facts as presented by the witnesses I have called?

[AmberVael]

The squirrel chatters. Anyone who can speka any language, or similar ability, still doesn't recognize it as speech.
Because it isn't. He's just chattering.
The Dancing Man, however, seems to take this as an answer to Iames's question.
"That'll be $5.50. Do you want fries with that?"

[Nevrmore]

((So you can be the translator, Dancing Man? Ha, I've caught you in your web of lies.))

((This mockery of justice is the best thing I've ever seen.))

[AmberVael]

((I thought trials were getting a bit one note. :smallbiggrin:))

[Lord Magtok]

((How about a squirrely cyborg that claims to be a Squirrel-3PO thingy to translate if the judge decides Dancing Man can't be trusted to translate?

Squirrel-3PO, squirrel-cyborg relations.))

[Kyrian]

Your Honor? I object to the defendant using his own lawyer as a translator. For all we know, the lawyer could be lying.

[Lord Magtok]

((Yeah, Iames's order comes to $6.54, not $5.50!))

[wxdruid]

NPC, objection overruled, The Dancing Man is the squirrel's lawyer. If he thinks he can translate the chatter, all the better. Iames please restate your question.

((and yes, this is hilarious but it isn't over yet, hehe))

[Kyrian]

((It was the NPC, not Kyrian))

[Lord Iames Osari]

Sith Squirrel, do you wish to dispute the facts of this case as they have been presented?

[AmberVael]

The squirrel chatters fiercely, then the Dancing Man translates for him.
"No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir."

[Lord Iames Osari]

Iames raises his eyebrow. I'm sorry, that does not answer my question.

[AmberVael]

"No, we do not, though we bite our thumb."

[Lord Iames Osari]

Iames raises an eyebrow. I see. Your Honor, I have a selection of video clips I would like to share with the court, if you don't mind.

[Lord Magtok]

((One of which has nothing to do with the case, and is entirely inappropriate.
Iames should've left it at home in his plane. ))

[Lord Iames Osari]

((@^: :smallconfused: Huh?))

[Lord Magtok]

((The Indiana Jones Trilogy applies to this case, how?))

[Lord Iames Osari]

((... Where the shock did that come from? No one'd said anything about Indiana Jones until you did just now...))

[Lord Magtok]

((It came from nowhere. That is why I chose to say it.))

[Kenyon]

((Iames must've rolled a 1 on his Detect Humor check))

[Lord Magtok]

((Maybe a bit of my android character's personality rubbed off on him...))

[wxdruid]

((and I think that's enough of the OOC comments in this trial, it's silly enough without them))

Iames, please proceed

[Lord Iames Osari]

Iames's eyes glow; the room darkens, and a screen descends from the ceiling. Light projects from Iames's eyes and forms images on this screen.

Clip 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OY4HdGJcJVo)
Clip 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzVyqiskpMk)
Clip 3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKUyq-uCZr0)
Clip 4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC-f0drvdmM)
Clip 5 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQk4Y6Q69u8&NR)

[wxdruid]

Gwen stares down sternly at Iames, What do these have to do with the murders?

[Lord Iames Osari]

They don't, but neither do the defendant's answers to my questions.

[Kyrian]

I already objected once...

[Lord Iames Osari]

Clearly, the point was not made strongly enough, Iames addresses the NPC. Your Honor, if the defendant is to be permitted to give nonsensical, irrelevant answers to my questions, I see no reason why I should not be permitted to present nonsensical, irrelevant material as part of my prosecution. If the object of this trial is justice and not comedy, I move that Mr. Maverick be barred from the courtroom and a new translator be found who will be able and willing to translate the defendant's answers into meaningful, applicable responses.

[wxdruid]

I would have to agree, Iames.

Dancing Man, do you have anything applicable to this trial to say on behalf of your client? If you don't you may leave the courtroom.

[wxdruid]

Since the Dancing Man has not replied and neither has the Jedi/Sith Squirrel, they are both hereby removed from the Courtroom.

Iames do you have any further witnesses or comments?

[Lord Iames Osari]

No, Your Honor, I think that given the evidence already presented, and the defendant's failure to present evidence to the contrary, there is no need for me to call any more witnesses.

[wxdruid]

I find the Jedi/Sith Squirrel guilty of the two murders and hereby sentence him to death for his callous disregard for the two people he murdered. Until the sentence is carried out, he will remain in Jail.

Jedi/Sith Squirrel, you will immediately report to the police station.