One-liners, quips, and taunts worthy of a Warlock

Hello all! I will soon be playing a 5e Tiefling Fiend-Pact Bladelock who uses a whip. Mechanically, I've got things sorted out in such a way so that I'll be good at what I do but not drastically outshine the first-time players, but in terms of roleplay I could use a little help.

We'll be starting as 'level 0' characters, and in the course of the first session, our class and possibly stats will be decided. Of course, that means I have to discuss my pact with out Outsider in-RP, however I have been assured that I will have an opportunity for each patron.

That's mostly irrelevant, though. I want to play a wisecracking warlock- Now, I'm decent at punning on the spot, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to have a backlog of more versatile lines. So I'll pose the question to you- What kind of witty phrases, puns, one-liners, whatever, do you think could make the other players crack up during combat? (Without going out of character or too over the top.)

Your character has spent several years studying as many languages as possible. He only tried to learn two words from each, though: "Your Mother."

If you can manage to go in and drag yourself out again without spending three days and about sixty simultaneous tabs open, a TVTropes link or two (... or three or more, if you're feeling brave and/or have a lot of time on your hands). And if you get sucked screaming into the vortex, don't say I didn't warn you.

Well, don't say it if you ever manage to get back out again, anyhow :smalltongue:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TeChameleon

If you can manage to go in and drag yourself out again without spending three days and about sixty simultaneous tabs open

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The struggle is real. Use extreme caution when venturing into TVtropes land.

Rip a page from Airplane! and make a running gag out of fantastified versions of "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit _________" when going into a stressful or dangerous situation (for your character).

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit pipeweed.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit skooma.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit licking slaadi.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit casting mage hand on myself.
The list goes on.

If you want a pre-battle one liner, you can't go wrong with

"I can't wait to go home to my loving wife and perfect children after I retire today"

Just be prepared to roll up a new character sheet.

"These powers I am killing you with required no discipline to attain! AHAHAHAHA!"

"Holding back? What a funny concept."

Oh learning that spell took years of study to attain? Well I got this spell *demonstrates spell* from one second.

Have I got a bargain for you.

Let me show you how a warlocks deals with this sort of demon.