Nice, but we are in the 550s not the 450s...
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557) Music Box of YouTube Reference: a music box with hyperrealistic eyes. When the handle is cranked, "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi plays in CD quality. When the key change is reached, the box explodes, killing everyone in a 30 foot radius.
Binary Piano: If you press one of the ivory keys, all the ebony ones disappear, and vice versa.
559. Box of the Internet: when asked a question has a 50-50 chance of giving a meme or porn.
560) Belt of Critical Hits: This belt turns all critical hits into 4x damage and extends critical threat range to 15-20. However, these bonuses only apply to the belt itself when used as a weapon (Treat it as an Improvised Masterwork small whip without Reach, 1d2+1 nonlethal damage)
Give me a keen belt of critical hits, some way to take 10 on attack rolls (they exist) and every critical feat in existence. I think there's some kind of exploding critical mechanic somewhere (new attack on a crit; yes this can cause a new crit) but I don't recall were.
561. Belt of Bolts: The Belt can only be worn after it has been fixed to the wearer's body with magical bolts, otherwise it will fall down.
562. Bold Bolts: These Bolts aren't scared easily, and will tell you so.
Shotgun of Terror: the pellets turn into a screaming sound when fired
#564. Anti-Torch: Works as a torch, but makes everything that much darker instead.
#565. Percusso Sticks: These magical drumsticks let those who hold them play their surroundings (any solid object, the air itself, etc) as though it were a drumset as imagined by the holder. Percusso Sticks don't themselves teach you how to play drums, so you gotta learn drums on your own.
566) Ring of Unspeakable Evil: Ring has an evil aura, wearer becomes mute
567 The one ring: telephones within 30' of the wearer go almost immediately to answerphone.
Telephones have not been invented in the setting.
568) Hand Gun: A small ball you put in your hand. When you put your hand in the shape of a gun and pretend to fire, it makes the sound of a gunshot
569: Hand Gun:
A gun shaped like an open hand. Firing it is really confusing.
570: Hand Gum: chewing gum that, when chewed, turns the chewer's mouth into a hand. They can talk normally, but the hand moves like a mouth to do so.
571: Smelling Salts
A handful of salt grains with the Scent ability. They are immobile.
572: The Sandwich:
This is the best sandwich ever created. Its taste is unrivalled in this or any universe. Even a nibble is enough to make the most stoic man burst into sobbing tears of joy. Men would kill for this sandwich.
When you eat it, you get teleported to Hell and can never return.
On the plus side, most say it was "worth it."
573.) Boots of Extraction - When worn in combat, these boots will extract the wearer's feet from any footwear they happen to be wearing.
574.) Boots of Abstraction - When worn in combat, these boots will point out the metaphysical ramifications of whatever footwear the wearer happens to be wearing.
So far, I count 48 items that are abusable if you try, 52 that have some kind of niche use, 58 that are actually quite useful, 7 that are ludicrously overpowered, 19 that are exceptionally dangerous, and 103 that are powerful cursed items. That is, 287 out of 574 (exactly half!) of the items are some kind of useful.
If you think the real point of this thread is to make legitimately useless items instead of stupid joke items....
This is my chance to correct you.
This thread is actually about stupid joke items. The "Useless" part is just for inspiration. The items are primarily meant to be really dumb/funny.
575) Ring of Minsc and Boo: A ring that causes Minsc and Boo to appear. Does nothing else afterward.
576) Map of Doom: A map that leads to Doom, whatever that happens to be; it most definitely involves hamsters
577) Ring of 3 Hamsters: Makes 3 hamsters appear that follow you around. Hamsters magically reappear if slain.
578) Ring of 3 Cats: Makes 3 cats appear that follow you around. Cats magically reappear if slain.
579) Ring of Dragons: Make a dragon appear that provides commentary on your actions with no indoor voice...
580) Ring of the Maiden: Makes you into a maiden
581) Ring of the Maiden: Turns you into a wooden sailing ship crewed by maidens
582) Ring of the Old Maid: Turns you into a wooden sailing ship crewed by cats
583) Ring of Game Mastery: Makes you believe that everything is a game, and that you are a master
584) Roman Candle of Rome: A Roman Candle that, when lit, will fly to Rome. Cannot fly in Rome
585) Teddy Bear of Pain: anyone who willingly hugs the Teddy Bear will take 1d4 nonlethal damage
Oh, I get that. I just think it's silly that when given the prompt of "Useless items" people come up with a wand that sets up a network of teleportation circles when used, for example.
Niche use or actually useful, probably: it's actually quite nice when flying if your maneuverability's not good enough to let you turn quickly in midair normally.
586. Spotted Band: When you wear this headband, everyone in range spots it and its wearer.
587. Speckled Band: A mysterious small artefact, made up of a miniature stage with a band of five players. The players show signs of bubonic plague. It works as a carillon and the players actually move while it plays. It plays a different song each time, but will infect its owner with the plague if he doesn't legally sell it within two days of its acquirement.
588. Spurning Spurs: These spurs will not hurt the horse, but they will show their disdain for its slow pace in equine language. The reaction of the horse depends on its wisdom score.
589. Venomous COBRA: a terrifying, uncontrollable contraption resembling a roaring iron cart, shooting poisoned bullets from its sides. It also reminds of a viper, and you don't know how to turn this on.
590. Windmill of Venting: Frustrated individuals who fight this windmill will feel better with themselves. May cause addiction.
If you ever want to post the list, I'd be curious to read it :smallcool:
591) Charm of the Sylph: When broken, summons a sylph to the one who broke it. can only be broken by lightning