Yeah. You're right. Attitude won't change your external issues. They'll always be issues. The only thing that can change the external situation is, well, an actual effort to change those things, and some things can't be changed. Believe me, I know.
But you know what? Life is perception, and perception is not just the external circumstances and issues. Perception is actually mostly attitude. And that's something you CAN change. And changing it requires you to stop thinking that you're broken, that you can't be helped. EVERYONE can be helped. The only prerequisite is that they are willing to be helped and to change. And by changing, I don't mean to change who you are. I mean to change the way you see things, and the way you do some things. And trust me, that can make ALL the difference in the world. I'm going to talk a bit about me, and I would like you to read it, Skeppio, though I must spoiler it for a few trigger warnings.
(If you are someone who knows me from offline life (family or friends), I ask you to respect me and not open this spoiler.)
Spoiler: Trigger warning for very negative thought patterns
Show
I can talk from experience. I haven't had a nice life. I was bullied half to death (and certainly 100% to my emotional death) when I was young. I was a sickly person back then, too, and my health went to the point where I was always vaguely sick. By the time I was 10, I hated the world and wanted to die. By the time I was 14, I spoke so little that many people around me didn't know what my voice sounded like. They also thought I hated everyone, so they kept their distance. Mind you, I didn't see them as respecting the boundaries I was unknowingly setting. I saw them as "See? They ignore me. LIKE EVERYONE ELSE". I was an incredibly antisocial creature, broken and convinced I was beyond help, that I was less than a person, worthless and without hope. I had a small respite then. But what happened? It went to waste. Why? Because of my attitude. I could not see the easy times. Or sometimes I did. But I was convinced I was too worthless for them. All this did was push people away when they reached out. And what happened? I never realized I was pushing them away. It took several people to hold me up and keep me going through those dark times. Another person didn't make it any easier, plunging me into an emotional hell from which I thought the only escape was death. I was sure my life was condemned to misery for as long as it lasted. No one could help me. No one could do anything for me. I was the most miserable creature in the planet. I wanted to die and often would harm myself.
... And then one of my friends had enough. Oh, a lot had abandoned me by then. But that friend didn't. He listened, he cared. He just stayed. But then he had enough. And he gave me the first ultimatum. If I gave up, he would give up on me. I was shocked! No one had given me an ultimatum like that before. Of course I did my best to hang on. But it didn't stop there. Once, when I was in one of my rants about how worthless I was*, he had enough of that too. He taught me one of the wisest lessons I have learned.
"YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE THAT."
He asked me what I thought it felt like when a person that one cared about insisted that what one was feeling was a lie. That the person was too worthless to care about, that it was stupid anyone would bother with them, that they were too broken, beyond help, hardly a person. To have that person not only deny those feelings, but also to stomp over their freedom to choose. He said it was not MY business to decide what HE felt. Turns out that I had been so busy feeling sorry for myself and my impossible-to-help situation, that I hadn't stopped to think about this. I kept choosing for other people. Doing this is a VERY vicious lashing-out. And that's why people had abandoned me. Not because there was something intrinsically wrong with me. But because I viciously attacked them, telling them they were wrong to spend time with a worthless creature such as myself.
Well, shoot. To be sure, it took this friend several attempts to get me to understand. But when I did, everything changed. My situation was the same. And then Life decided that I'd had enough respite and it went worse. How much worse, you may ask? Well. My health finished breaking. I got diagnosed with 2 incurable conditions, one of which makes my body a time bomb that may or may not go off. I lived through about 2-3 years of intense pain, with absolutely no relief. To the point where I would cry myself to sleep some nights. And when I walked (which I did cos the thought of ending up in a wheelchair scared me), it would oftentimes be such agony that I'd shuffle around, going at about the speed of a turtle, wanting to pull my hair out due to how much it hurt. Though I have proper treatment now, I still have to live with the fact that this issue will never go away, I will have to pay for expensive medication all my life to keep it bearable, and it may hurt more than just all my joints at some point. I have had people tell me the dubious compliment of "if I had your life, I would kill myself".
And yet, despite having some of the worst times of my life, I'm also feeling better than ever. I have learned to let other people decide whether or not to spend time with me. I have stopped being terrified that a lack of response means they're "ignoring me and they hate me". I stopped obsessing over my lack of worth, cos that's not my decision. I put my best face forward (whether it's good or bad), and just say "This is me!" and let people decide for themselves. To be sure, I try to improve myself. Having friends isn't about being worthy. It's about selling the idea to people that they should spend time with you. And you do NOT "sell" this idea by loudly proclaiming "KEEP AWAY FROM ME. I AM WORTHLESS". Oh, it's easy to say "but I have nothing to offer!". But that isn't true. You have you. The LEAST you can say is "Hi! I'm Skeppio! And I am willing to be your friend!" That already is a good thing. And as you put yourself out there, you'll find out good things about yourself and you can present them too. "Hi! I'm Skeppio! I can be quite kind and I am willing to be your friend!". This is very different from the image you're sending now, which is "I'm Skeppio. I hate being Skeppio, cos I'm worthless. You shouldn't spend time with me, I have too many problems."
I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Oh, no. It's not. But I can offer you a few more tips. Take one negative thought. ANY negative thought. For example "People all hate me". And then tell yourself "People don't hate me. A lot of them don't even know me, and some even LIKE me." It will sound silly at first, but you'll end up believing it. All those negative things you believe about yourself? You do so cos you've told yourself them enough times. It works the other way around too. You'll find your Negative Inner Voice complaining LOUDLY of these things, especially at first. So debate with it. "Yes, some people like me. I have friends in this thread." "NO BUT THEY IGNORE YOU" "I'm sure they were doing something else at the time, or preoccupied" "BUT!!!!" and just keep finding reasons. You WILL eventually quiet down that voice, but it will take effort. Once you conquer that thought, move on to the next. It will become easier, because the first positive thoughts you've been cultivating will help you beat down the other thoughts. Negative thoughts are like weeds in the garden of the mind. You got to pull them out, while planting and caring for good thoughts.
Well, geez, this is long. I hope it helps in some way.
* = Try to avoid these. These tick people off and drive them away.