2402: I am never allowed to make brownies with the remains of my disintigrated healer.
2403: Even if I have ranks in Profession (Cook).
2404: Or Skill Focus (Profession [Chef]).
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2402: I am never allowed to make brownies with the remains of my disintigrated healer.
2403: Even if I have ranks in Profession (Cook).
2404: Or Skill Focus (Profession [Chef]).
2405: Red Dragon flesh does not 'taste like chicken'.
2406: Nor is it a good idea to attack one just to find that out.
2407: You may not cast Flesh to Stone on an Ally...Then Transmute Rock to Mud...Wait for the mud to dry...then use the dirt as the "pinch of earth" materil component for the Stone to Flesh spell you need to cast on the elf-chick...
2408: When an attractive female character crit fails a Streetwise roll in the seedy part of the city, I will never again rule that she is the victim of a rape attempt, no matter how much sense it makes at the time.
2410: My celestial dire bear is not named "Winnie the Pooh"
2411: When my tiger companion attacks someone I am not allowed to make a reference to Siegfried and Roy.
2412: I am not allowed to refer to the BBEG or his servant as a "crack-ho"
2413: I am not allowed to say "Where my money?" as I hit the BBEG or his servant.
2414: My monk does not have the ability "rapid pimp smackin"
2414(a):even if he does wear all purple
2414(b): and a hat with a feather
2414(c): and carry a rod of lordly might
2415: The Rod of Lordly Might is not synonymous with "pimp cane"
2416: "I'm Rick James," "Charlie Murphy," "you killed Kenny" or anything else from Comedy Central is not a command word for any magic item.
Whatever in the Nine Hells we're really on: "Rise and obey" means nothing like "rise and shine" to the sorts of beings that get it said to them.
2417: The character using "Shocking Grasp" may not yell "raikiri" or "chidori" when he attacks...
2418: No longer allowed to start a plan with the words "do you still have fireball memorized?"
2419: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for pointing the ballista the wrong way.
2420: The elf is to take references to Carrie as a warning to quit being a **** to the psion.
2421: But he didnt object is no excuse to using the wizards as zombie bait.
2422: I am not to use a "Mordenkainen's Disjunction Bomb" on my PC's... again.
2423: I am not allowed to play rogues anymore
2424: ...that steal a large brick of Opium
2425: ...and subsequently use it to addict and control other PCs
2426: I am not allowed to play a worshiper of Sune (or any other God/Goddess of pleasure) any more
2427: I am not allowed to yell, "There's nuthin' there ya lame gits!" upon failing a Listen check.
2428: Nor am I allowed to stand around and say, "I think I failed a Spot/Listen check"
2429: I am not allowed to use the evil artifact that the BBEG is after "just to see what happens", and am in fact banned from touching all shiny red buttons.
2430. The female elf wizard is not allowed to cast Evards Black tentacles.
2431. Ever
2432. This counts double if she wears skimpy clothing.
2431: I am not allowed to make a druid named link with a cohort warlock name Midna who rides me around.
2432: I may not enchant a sword with scrying and then scream "By the eye of thundara!"
2433: No, the lich is not in fact skeletor.
2434: Don't go into the necropolis! There's undead and such!
2435: Attempting to impersonate the long dead head of security for a long dead civilization just to get past the guard constructs is probably a bad idea.
2436: If the starting cabin that our Party is in is currently under attack by zombies, I may not make an elf named luis with a pistol.
2436: that goes doubly for Leon.
2437: Or an aristocrat named ashley.
2438: No, that is NOT your boomstick.
2439: I may not throw flash powder and try to bluff the NPC's that I just used a rod of alter memory on them, and that their entire life is in fact a lie.
2440- I am expressly forbidden from playing any more Drow thugs named Tyrone.
2441: If the pope somehow comes into the party's hands, it is probably a safe bet that the DM did not intend for the pope to be sacrificed to the party's evil gods.
2442: And stop tossing the baby kobolds, you jerks.
2441a: Yes, he was clearly meant for the other party.
2442a: They are to be flung or thrown, not tossed.
2443: It is not permissible for my character to kill any dark mage making Perform: Poetry checks
2444: even if they're terrible
2445: and about their pleasure demons leaving them.
2443a: Unless, of course, the PC happens to be a Vogon (who have the 3rd worst poetry in the Universe).
2446: "Die by my ha- *Silence comes into effect*" is not an acceptable war cry.
2447: It is not commonly acceptable to go around casting fireball on everyone in sight, even if you are an evil mage...
2448: ...Especially in the middle of a crowded city...
2449: ...With 20+ level LG wizards nearby.
2500: My character can not pee in a cup and drink it just to freak people out.
2501: I can not toss a cup of pee to nauseate someone.
2502: I can not plate chicken beaks with silver and use them to kill a were-rat.
And now to relate the tale of the very oddest character I ever played in a fantasy RPG.
2503- I will not play a performer named Michael Jackson.
2504- His cohort is not Aqua Lad.
2505- Upon graduating from the adventurer's academy, the first thing I do will not involve upsetting the local authorities.
2506- If I do upset the local authorities, it will be because of something more sensible then deficating on an inn sign and shaking it at bystanders.
2507- I will not resist arrest with an improvised weapon. Especially if it's the aforementioned sign covered in feces.
2508- Avoiding the police will no longer involve finding a random old man, murdering him, and taking his home as a hideout.
2509- I will not use some sort of bizarre "Thriller"-based necromancy/bard magic to warp the old man into a red jacket, a single jewelled glove, and "dancing pants".
2510- These things are no longer allowed to exist anymore. Especially the necromancy/bard magic.
2511- Aqua Lad is not a blunt weapon.
2512- Refusing all monetary rewards because I'll just steal whatever I want in town anyway will make the GM cry.
2513- Actually, all of this will make the GM cry. I'm banned from ever playing that game again.
2514-I can not escape the town watch after killing the king by driving a stolen carriage into a warehouse and painting it a different color.
2515 I am not allowed to kill every one in the fighters guild for short changing me by using a homemade alcohol based explosive. It only killed most of them.
2516: I am no longer permitted to order the wizard to cast "Summon Spider Monkey".
2517: I am limited to overthrowing no more than one government per session no matter how well I've turned the people against their rulers.
2516: I will not ask the Evil undead wizard why he build the undead coffins.
2517: I will not ask the evil undead wizard how he held the hammer when he was incoporeal.
2518: I will not, after being given a quest by the evil undead wizard, go to the church of light and goodness, blackmail a cleric by using bardic suggestion to make him think he had sexual relations with a choir boy, and then have said Cleric exorcise the ghost.
2519: Alchemist fire + sprayer does NOT equal flamethrower.
2560: even if it did, I am not proficient in it.
2561: It is considered poor tacky to taunt the manifestation of fear just because it's a CR 1/2.
2562: I will NOT add multiple templates's onto creatures.
2563: Abusing the cleric domain of plauge to create strange and disturbing werecreatures is not to be tolerated.
2563: I will no longer toss Kitty down the well just to see if there is a dragon at the bottom of it
2564: I will not expose myself to hundreds upon hundreds of evil flying things with swords, even if I can come back with a tiny army of dwarves.