Before I start, this will be in the liveblog format, just like all my season 6b reviews so far because I have no energy. The reason I'm doing this episode is because today is the air date of the sequel episode, so I figure this is important for when I get around to watch . . . whatever 6b:12 is called. Maybe Monday or Tuesday. Possibly tomorrow.
Secondly, my brain had a blank when I was estimating an episode order for these reviews, as I somehow
completely forgot that the Moffat two-parter for season four follows 'The Unicorn and the Wasp'. Also known as the only two episodes of season four I've actually seen before I started these reviews.
It's also the debut serial for the mystifying River Song.
As she plays a key part in the narrative, or I remember it that way, and in a sense it's also her
last appearance in the series I will almost certainly find myself talking about River in all her appearances, tracing and untracing her development because we've seen her pre-River, her beginning, some of the later-middle and the end.
Seeing as the season finale next week is called 'The Wedding of River Song' I think this will fill in the last big gaps in her life and solve many of the questions we have about her, and season six's overarching plot. Or at least
some of them.
Originally when I'd completely forgotten about The Library two-parter I figured I'd maybe do a post just talking about River Song. Then I remembered the serial and thought I'd just skip it. Then it occurred to me: season four has a plot arc and stuff, it might be important. So that's my thing now, review that sometime in October, uni permitting.
Word waterfall out the way, let's do this thing:
Oh wait. Another note: this will be the third full episode of season five, the others, of course, are my Moffatt two-parter. I will probably be more confused than usual; I'm fine with this. So no spoilers people. Also, the only other bits of season five I've seen are from the two-part finale -
bits of it. Now that's out of the way, let's do this thing, for real:
Oh wait, did I just subvert the rule of three while lampshading the fact? Thus actually fulfilling the rule of three trope. Well, barrelicious laughter then.
Open to a rather nice neighbourhood, about early autumn. Look at that, gardens and big green open places, I'd love to live somewhere like that. And TARDIS!
Hehe, a Rymans (a stationary shop for non-Brits) is the Big Clue that they're not near . . . Cindacalista? And then the TARDIS ASPLODED! With Amy inside. I promptly flashforward to one of the few things I know about this season's finale: it asplodes with River inside. Must be in the blood.
Poor Idris TARDIS.
Hey. Hey guys, Where's Rory? Also: there's Google Maps there on that screen. So Amy's gone now.
And now a house. Ugh, pink door, what kind of dork.
That music is Ominous With Bell-Piano. This old dude is the bad guy. Atmospheric music and flickering hallway lights . . . and now violins. Yeah, he's the villain.
I'm getting a Hammer horror vibe from this scene . . . Oh look, mould and -
what's occurring Smithy? No dudes, what's Smithy doing all up in my
Who.
And more plotily importantly: why did that mould patch suddenly get darker and then have an
asplosion noise coming from upstairs? And why doesn't Smithy have any care about this? Because for one thing, that patch of mould could be
mould and mould in a kitchen is a bad thing.
Oh great. And now the light above the Evil Door is overloading with flickering Evil Light to an Evil Tune. Smithy advertising for a flatmate, and Smithy clearly has the hots for the Chick.
Great Smithy, go and touch that mould - good. Good Chick, save you not-love-interest's life inadvertently. Come on, everyone can see this awkward mutual romance blossoming here. Even the music knows -
come on Chick evil noises and silhouettes behind a closed door!
Smithy: "Just tell her. I love you." etc. And headbutts. Heh, Chick forgot her keys.
And "I love you". HA DOCTOR! I immediately ship Doctor/Smithy. Because the Doctor's such an adorkably adorkable dork.
Cue intro theme!
So the writer's Gareth Roberts. Isn't this my lovely 'Shakespeare Code' and 'Unicorn and the Wasp' man? It is! But. But this isn't a historical. He is my Historical Man, and my Historical Man is writing a Contemporary Earth Story. On the one hand: I don't really like CEStories as much as others, but on the other hand it's Gareth Roberts. But Smithy and the Dorktor. It looks interesting at least. You know, blatant villainy, the Dorktor and no magical blue box to save the day.
But on the
other hand it's not historical and my Historical Man has proven he's
amazing when it comes to historicals and comedy. Can he pull off the comedy without the in-jokes?
What's that the Dorktor has? A hearing aid? Heh, "an ancient amateur". HOW MUCH MONEY IS IN THAT BAG?!?! WHERE DID THE DORKTOR GET IT FROM?!
And he just did the
French version of kissing people. And he doesn't know why people call him the Doctor, or why he calls himself that. People call him that because that's how he introduces himself.
Why's the Dorktor interested in upstairs? Why is the Dorktor - "don't call me the Rotmeister". Is the Dorktor flirting with Smithy? Seriously, because that smoozing in the kitchen was flirting. I was only kidding. Me and my fangirlish tendencies, or referencing of tendencies in general.
Yeah, it is suspicious that the owner moved out after receiving an obscene amount of money from an uncle he'd never heard of. Either the Evil Guy did it, or the Dorktor pulled a
Bill and Ted and went back in time after the episode happened to set up events so that he could move in to ensure that the events of the episode happened so he could have a self-sustaining time loop going on.
OKAY SMITHY WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR BRAIN I KNOW YOU'RE NOT THE BRIGHTEST SPARK IN ESSEX BY A
LONG SHOT (NOT THAT IT'S SAYING MUCH) BUT WHEN GLASS STARTS SHATTERING BEFORE
HAMMER HORROR FRANKENSTEIN'S LABORATORY LIGHT WORKS START GOING ON UPSTAIRS YOU NEED TO GET OUT NOW. Has Smithy been brainwashed or something?
The - Archbishop of Canterbury reference?
The Dorktor's making an
homlette. Eggs, pepper, (Smithy's still in denial about Sophie, dude, I could see it five seconds in; it should only take the Dorktor a few hours), cheese, salt, bacon and . . . salad cream.
Okay what. I was with him until the salad cream. And how he didn't do the usual
homlettey mix-it-all-upin-a-bowl first thing.
Salad cream?
Salad cream.
Yeah, there's stuff about Smithy talking to complete strangers at will, bad because he works in a call centre, and the Dorktor lampshades people's tendencies to tell him anything; usually evil plans. Must be the hair. It's marvellous.
Hai TARDIS. It's blipping on and off a lot.
The Dorktor learned to cook in the C18
th. Salad cream. The Dorktor just. He called Smithy fat.
And Smithy "fondl[es]" keys. Amongst other pink round things.
The Dorktor's so happy about having his own room. And they had a wink exchange over "bringing someone over. A girlfriend [looks down at the Dorktor's clothing] boyfriend" and I can so tell the Dorktor just has no clue. JUST LIKE SOPHIE'S A FRIEND WHO'S A GIRL.
But the Dorktor clued in eventually and his "shout" to Smithy is "
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS!" And yes, all that was necessary. The Dorktor's such a ten-year-old boy.
Given how he will react to will next season I can see why. So clueless. So dorky.
Now back to the Ominous Rot. Do Not Touch.
Oh. The hearing aid is Bluetooth. Fancy.
Smithy: "He's a laugh. Bit weird. But good weird you know."
Is that a slut? That's a prossie. This aired at seven o'clock in the evening.
There's techno
Treknobabble about the Evil Room hurting the TARDIS. Hehe, so a house is hurting the TARDIS again. Now I know where Gaiman got his plot for the glorious 'The Doctor's Wife' from.
The prossie goes up to the Evil Room to Ominous Music, and "anything that can stop the TARDIS is big. Scary big."
Okay, Old Guy is not Old any more. And SMithy's hearing voices. The Dorktor talking to Amy.
"To anyone else hearing this conversation it's absolute gibberish [...] all I got to do is pass as an ordinary human"
A: "Have you seen you?"
Whoa. Time's going wonky. "Localised time loop" apparently. Yeah, eveyr time a human dies an
angelTARDIS starts to scream.
Standing position when push/pulling buttons is important.
oh my god the Dorktor has become a crazy cat lady with a shopping trolley and is now singing Italian opera in the shower!
HAI FANSERVICE!
I want a shirtless scene now.
Smithy, don't go upstairs to the - shirtless scene. A small one.
Okay, that's Hartnell hair and a semi-coloured black-and-white scene. Also, Old Guy is now old again.
O.O
The Dorktor fell out of the shower and wow look at that shot 14:56. Let's just make sure the time is right. No, a bit out, replay. 14:54. He's very pale isn't he the Dorktor? And skinny, I can count all his ribs.
My Historical Man writes some nice fanservice.
he just sat up with only a semi-translucent shower curtain covering his gentleman vegetables Historical Man you are
good to me. Dorktor,
no. Don't use your sonic, you just said you weren't meant to.
Smit
Every time I try to write plot I keep seeing ninety-fve percent of the Dorktor's body. Time to go replay this scene again.
Ha! The Dorktor has a sonic toothbrush! And looks very nice all dripping wet with a blue towel wrapped around his hips and messy hair. He should always be dressed like this.
This is a gloriously magical episode.
Stuff, mucky hair, the Dorktor goes up - his towel keeps nearly falling down. And the Dorktor air-kisses her while
holding the towel to his crotch so it doesn't fall down. Also: the Dorktor is going to play football. Soccer for the Americans. Also, the Dorktor's just clued into Smithy/Sophie.
While being barely dressed. To slightly jazz-sounding -
the Dorktor's wearing a shirt with an 11 on it. And it was on back-to-front. And he thinks football is
polo.
This is a wonderful episode. The Dorktor's so clumsy it's going to be great.
the Dorktor is freakin' amazing at footie the Hell happened to the clumsy man. Also Smithy's thinking Dorktor/Sophie, but it's clearly so wrong. Also the Dorktor's looking to be a glory hound and stole the glory of a . . . penalty? I don't do things.
Okay. Is Matt Smith a semi-pro or something, because he's Suing up the match in the This Is From The POV Of The Protagonist (Smithy) Way.
Also, Evil Old Guy is Evil Little Girl now. How does - she's evil just from the silhouette!
Also, the DOrktor had an overreaction and pulled a Tennant Putdown on the - is my - my episode's lagging. But now the Dorktor's running off and time's glitching again.
right? I mean, we have the Hammer Horror Flashing Lights again. And screaming.
The Dorktor is obviously lying. All nines is bad. Plus Amy's screaming the the Dorktor's quietly freaking out. The TARDIS "flown off into the Vortex" - okay, fives are good.
Does this mean the Dorktor is using the TARDIS to stabilise time on a . . . country-wide level?
Yay. Smithy's going to put the moves on Sophie, but the Dorktor's still a bit oblivious.
Yeah. The dry rot is dead people.
And this romantic moment's going to be interrupted isn't it. He can't spit it out after all. Come on Smithy. Come on. Dorktor was hiding behind the sofa. irony.
The Dorktor has a screwdriver that isn't sonic. My brain. And now the Dorktor's ballsed up the romantic moment.
Aaawwww, Sophie wants to work abroad with
primates, but no qualifications. And Smithy seems to have no aspirations.
Th Dorktor just spat red wine out into his glass. I lvoe this man. I will bear his babbies. Also, he reverse psychologied Sophie into going to work with orang-outangs
who are most definitely not monkeys. Weird picture there on that wall.
And more Evil Flickering Lights.
It's a swirly whirly not-quite-a-TARDIS thing. And something can be "too normal".
And Smithy touches the Evil Rot. Silly boy. It electrocutes people and this is very urgent because the score says so.
Okay. THE DORKTOR IS BRINGING SMITHY BREKKIE IN BED. I can haz ship noaw? Yeah, he does the ranty thing I did earlier.
Also, call back to 'The Christmas Invasion' with Magical Healing Tea. This show is so British sometimes guys. Also, must taste very strong.
Okay, now there's touching scenes of the Dorktor reassuring Smithy. Ship. It's
cat look at that lovely cat ohmygiggyaunts.
The Dorktor is working at a call centre! And blowing raspberries down the phone at rude people.
^^
Guys. The Dorktor moves into a house with Smithy, tries to be normal, has romantic scenes with his housemate and works in a call centre.
Sheer magic.
And Smithy wears glasses now.
Probably Boss: "Leave off the Dorktor. I love the Dorktor. he's brilliant, especially in the planning meeting." Yup, this is Sue Dorktor. And Sophie wants to do primate volunteering and poor - who cares about plot or character. The Dorktor is trying to be a human and is magical but Sue's things up.
And that adorable act/
THE DORKTOR SPEAKS CAT!
THE DORKTOR SPEAKS CAT!
I can't even -
magical.
And then Smithy kicks the Dorktor out. Smithy's rant at 30:30 is pretty much
Heh. He calls his whirly thingy modern art.
The Dorktor headbutted Smithy into seeing "general background" and
hi previous Doctors and knows about the TARDIS. And second headbutt is detail! (And they hurt)
MAGIC!
Ma. Gi. Cal.
Does this mean Smithy knows all about TIme Lord history and stuff now, or just the tellybox and movie stuff. Well, he knows the swirly thing is a scanner and stuff. So in between perhaps?
And the Evil Girl is back. Even though Sophie knows an Old Guy lives there. Doesn't anyone get this?
Yeah. I think Smithy is basically a Time Lord in human form. Okay, time warped again.
And Sophie's dying. People are not happy.
A: "You can't be upstairs [...] it's a one story building. There is no upstairs."
TARDIS.
THAT'S THE THING THE SILENCE - THE SILENTS WERE IN IN SEASON 6A! Wait what.
But TARDIS is TIme Lord tech. How can the Silents have TARDIS. Where did TARDIS come from? How did the TARDIS of 1969 move to possibly-Lancashire? Is it the same one what? TARDIS?
Doing this backwards forwards in the middle is weird.
Are there Silents in this episode?!
Dudes. There maybe is. 33:53 there's something in the bottom right corner. It can't be Sophie I don't think because there's a suit maybe, and the head seems disproportionate to the body. I'll full-screen a mo'.
That is definitely a suit I can see a Silent onscreen and dead foreshadowing good evening!
Why did the Silent die? HEY HEY! That's like how Joy died! She got lightning'd into ashes and that's what's seeped into the kitchen downstairs that is
oh my god that is terrifying. Even the ashes of people murdered by the Silent are poisonous because they contain Evil Lightning that can kill people.
They screamed because the saw the Silent. And then died.
But why are they here in . . . 2010? Wasn't a hypno-kill given in 1969? I mean, obviously some survived because in 2011 Amy saw one, but that still doesn't mean they - they followed Amy. They must have. Her or the Dorktor.
She saw one at Lake Silencio in 2011, and then they stole her in 1969, and now there's a Silent TARDIS in 2010 when Amy's stuck in a time warp in probably-Lancashire.
Why are the Silents vaporising people this time? Clearly they have a plan this time. But we only saw the Silents for the first time in season 6a so the enemy isn't a
Silent Silent right?
Confuzzlement.
Is this an Evil TARDIS then? Screaming Sophie with a thingy. One of those static ball things. You know, with all the static in them that makes hair stand on end. So the nega-TARDIS is eating people.
Great.
Her hand is smoking.
Okay. The thing that looked like a Silent is a dried husk of a corpse. But it can't be a human because they turned into poisonous electro-ash. So it's a Silent corpse then.
34:36 indicates so because it's only got three fingers and a thumb, and still looks like it has very big head even though the Conveniently Obscure Angle is hiding it from me; but all the body proprtions are wrong so I still call Silent.
Where's it's suit? IS THE SUIT ITS SKIN AND NOT CLOTHES AFTER ALL?! Gross. Naked Silent.
And now there's an emergency hologram that is so Ha - "Captain Troy Handsome of International Rescue." The Dorktor is a fan of Supermarionation. I mean,
Captain Troy Handsome and
International Rescue. This episode is genius.
It's appropriate too because the Dorktor
also saves humanity (or other) while operating extremely advanced technology. HA! I just compared the Dorktor to the Tracy family and WASP! Amy is so Lady Penelope and Rory is Parker. Seriously it fits. AMy can't drive, neither can Lady P; and Parker is calm and stoic and awesome just like Rory.
I just - wow. I cannot believe I did that.
I
Thunderbirded my
Who. Crossover. Now. Cannot believe . . .
And the Evil Emergency Hologram is willing to kill humanity one person at a time.
Who is the voice of the EMHD? He sounds like Monty and co.
Also, why can't Smithy work the Nega-TARDIS? "It wants people who want to escape". And Smithy wants to stay so he didn't work.
Smithy is Dortoring up this episode. He asked if [techno
Treknobabble] was a lie (Rule #1: The Dorktor always lies) and then says "Geronimo". Yeah, Smithy's part-Dorktor now.
D: "Why. Don't. You want to leave?!"
It's the power of love. So hurry up and
kiss the girl. This shorts out the Nega-TARDIS because
true love conquers all! To some very pretty music.
The TARDIS and Amy are hunky-dory now, and I think the Dorktor is weirded out by kissing. Also the nega-TARDIS is imploding which is veyr much a big no. It's quite scary how the EMH is freaking out.
Hai Silent Ship! Looks like a Sontaran ship in miniature.
But now there's no rot and much kissing. Also, they're moving and the Dorktor is so very weirded out by kissing so he goes to "sneak off" but is caught.
S: "I want you to keep these [keys]", and though Smithy thinks the Dorktor won't come back, I know he will because
future knowledge!
The Doctor Rocks.
Crack in the wall! That is bad. And finally, the
- why does Amy want to find a fella?? She has Rory. And why is the music all freaky when she finds the ring box? Wher - what? Expanding crack.
Preview thoughts: River Song narrates about "the end of all things" and . . . these are clips from all of season five. Great. I'm spoiled by a
season preview. And Romans at Stonehenge.
"There is a goblin or a warrior or a trickster, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos." And it's you. Sorry, but that point I most emphatically remember.
Pandorica's box.
Daleks. Cyberships. Sontaran. Slitheen. MANY MANY NAMES.
Best Moment: Fanservice. All of it. And the Dorktor speaks cat. And tries to live as a human being.
Worst Moment: The opening scene at Smithy's was rather weak, but it did pull off a good atmosphere.
Best Special Effect: Nega-TARDIS
Worst Special Effect: The ship at the end, it just felt a bit too video gamey to me.
Best Actor: A tie between Smithy and the Dorktor. I've only ever seen James Corden in one role (surprise surprise), and yeah, he's good in that; but I didn't realise he was this good of an actor.
He's very much the ordinary man, and the way he pulls off the bewilderment to friendship to jealousy transitions are very smooth and work really well with how I think many humans would react when confronted with the Dorktor trying to be human.
He's just too good at many things, and has a lot of charisma. And I've just realised much of this could go into Thoughts Overall.
Worst Actor: Evil Little Girl Hologram.
Most Punchable Character: It's an odd one to pick this episode, but in a way, though I wanted to punch most of the victims for not noticing the Extreme Suspiciousness of the trap; really, the most punchable person is Smithy when he overreacts to how the Dorktor accidentally made Sophie leave him.
So the most punchable character is also the most sympathetic character this time around.
Death Count:
Seventeen wasn't it?
Kink of the Episode: Matt Smith. Dripping Wet. Messy haired. Mostly naked. With a slippery towel. And romantic chemistry with his housemate.
Thoughts overall?
This is a Companion-light bottle episode, although Amy is more present than most Companions are in such an episode.
We have two main characters and one tertiary one. Smithy and the Dorktor, and then Sophie. They work together very well.
Especially our two main characters, really this episode is about forty percent from Smithy's POV, forty from the Dorktor's and ten from everyone else.
And this means we get to see the Dorktor as a muggle does, and a muggle who doesn't know
anything about the Dorktor aside from his name.
Their chemistry is basically bromantic with a bit of romance on the side, and even though Smithy and Sophie are clearly made for each other I can still easily see them as an OT3 even though I ship Dorktor/TARDIS so much because Sophie and the Dorktor also have a spot of chemistry going on.
It's definitely just friendly, but recall: Sophie and Smithy are Just Friends. Don't think it would take much.
The big draw here is the character interaction though. Corden and Smith
work so well together, and Corden in particular does a marvellous job of showing the ordinary person utterly stymied by someone who is so easily and charismatically better at him in so many ways without even trying.
The power of love triumphing over the nega-TARDIS is a bit clichéd - more like a lot - but it works here because it was foreshadowed from the very beginning. From Smithy's adoration of Sophie to the "sofa-man" comment to the comment about aspirations and the lack of them. Smithy had everything he wanted right there, so he didn't need to leave or escape from anything. Conversely, other humans wanted to enough that the nega-TARDIS was attracted to them; but it took the
Dorktor with his endless wonderlust and desire to escape his past to be a truly viable pilot.
So this means TARDISes are piloted by wonderlust?
All things told this is a magical episode driven by whimsy in the
best way ever and yet manages to ominously foreshadow season six
and that with love you can do pretty much anything. Because yeah, Rory and two thousand years and - Rory isn't actually a Roman so how did he become a Roman and - is prefigured by Smithy using the memories of the
love of his life to overcome a great obstacle.
Also: the Doctor had an almost-entirely-naked-scene. As critical as I try to be (yeah right) that did earn a few points from me.
Best episode of season five so far.
AND WHERE IS RORY?! I thought he travelled with the Dorktor in season five for a bit too! WHY DOESN'T AMY KNOW WHO RORY IS?! They are so clearly made for each other and they got married but now she's forgotten him. Why?
And how did Rory become a Roman?