Sorry for being gone so long! Session before last I neglected to put up any funny moments, and last session was the same. Anyway, here are the funny moments that have happened over the last few sessions!
Spoiler: story!
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So, we wandered through the swamp a while... did I already tell you about this guy? Well, we found a weird young man, who we later learned was named Luke, who lived in a house propped up on sturdy poles in the swamp. People brought him boxes of food now and again, and he spent all his waking hours either lighting a ****ton of lanterns at nightfall, extinguishing them at daybreak, eating the very barest of bare minimums to survive, smashing his own face in when one of the lanterns is put out at night, or staring off into the distance blankly. He did absolutely nothing else. Then, when we went off in the direction he was looking, he picked up a box of food and a lantern and started following us. It led us to a town which is suspicious of new faces. Long story short, the dead are coming to life within the enormous evil aura which is also blanketing this town, and there have been some mysterious murders besides people simply dropping dead, and We've been deputized by the constable.
Alright, that's out of the way. Now, the actual moments!
Spoiler: Lunch shot!
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As Luke followed us around on the raft which turned out to be completely not a trap, Dinten grew suspicious of him. So, he pulled out his bow and said: "Alright, if this guy says anything, I'm gonna shoot him." Sounds nice enough, but the DM started poking fun at that. We started talking about like, is dinten just gonna shoot him at anything he says? "Hmm, nice weather we're ha-" THWAP! "I could use some lu-" THWAP! "I gotta use the ba-" THWAP! Dinten then specified that he would only shoot if he heard anything he didn't understand, or that sounded magical.
Spoiler: Be nice!
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When we got to town, we couldn't help but notice everyone looked at us funny. I wasn't gonna take any of it, so Brocc just looked out to the townsfolk staring at us and said, "What?" No response. "No, seriously! why are you all staring at us like that?" That got a response from the townsfolk. "We don't see many strangers around here..." Then Dinten piped up: "Well, I can see why. This dump wouldn't be the first place I go." Brocc: "Dinten! Really! It doesn't matter what kind of town this is, we need to be polite!" James: (This is the guy who dies a lot. I finally rembered his name.) "Feh. I've soiled on chamberpots nicer than this town." Brocc: (facepalming) "I am not with him..."
Spoiler: THAT'S RACIST!!!
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We were looking for supplies, which brought us to the general store. It was run by a dwarf, who was rare in these parts, and as we walked in, we got this transaction: "Hey, welcome to my store! Oh, you're an elf... I don't see many elves around here." Dinten: "I don't see many dwarves myself." Shopkeeper: "Well, what're you doing here, pointy? Ya looking for arrows?" Dinten: "Not much, shorty." Shopkeeper: "Hey! ...I'll let that go for now."
Also, he totally mistook syrinden for a dwarf, because of how short he is.
Spoiler: glorious sidechatter
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While we were talking to the shopkeeper mentioned above, we had recently established that we were in another world entirely, and that the mist that overtook our camp a post or two ago transported us here. The people who vanished? They're the Vestani, a people who ride the mist places. Turns out that was just Brocc being paranoid again. Anyway, Dinten wanted to see if, by any chance, the dwarf was form the same world as us. Dinten: "By the way, have you ever heard of Baldur's Gate?" Shopkeeper: "No. What is that? is it, like, a dance or something? I know elves like dancing and other useless stuff." Osric: "I start dancing the Baldur's Gate!"
Spoiler: Glorious Sidechatter II
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As a rogue, can I see if I know this as the smell of a poison?" "can I do a nature check?" "Can I make an acrobatics check?" (DM proceeds to giggle at Osric's player)
Spoiler: Stealth Sarcasm
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A bit of story before this quick thing, Fay's corpse came to life and attacked us. Fay had recently been replaced by a rogue named Leverus, who was like a shy, soft spoken, almost child-aged, rogue version of Varsuvius. That is to say, he/she was mysterious and gender undefined. Anyway, Fay's corpse busts into the inn where we're all staying, and Dinten sees it and fails a charisma save. He loses his turn and the rest of the party proceeds to burn, turn, and slice Fay's corpse before it can hurt us. Afterwards, Dinten was acting strange, and he moved and acted differently from normal. He went off to the blacksmith to forge some new weapons because his bow didn't feel right to him, without telling anyone. This is right after the fight with Fay's corpse, and it's nighttime. Leverus was sneaking up behind him, to see where Dinten was going. Anyway, Dinten approaches the door to the blacksmith, and...
"I knock on the door." "You get no response." "I knock harder." "You still get no response." (leverus breaks stealth and puts his/her hand on Dinten's shoulder) "I think they're closed."
Spoiler: 180 degree turn part II
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A quote from Osric while making a horror save: "Am I totally awesome at charisma saves? Oh, yeah I- ooh, bugger."
Spoiler: more story
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We go to the farm house of the family who founded this town. Ghouls are there, feasting on the corpses of some townspeople who went missing with a tiny blood-spot and the murderer's calling card left behind. We return the corpses, get a warrant to check out the town house of the family, find a weird scroll in a secret cubby. We also see a couch that's been slept in recently. The scroll contains a grim prophecy which tells of the son of a prestigious family dying, returning as undead, more dead rising, a curse turning from one guy onto everyone else, the sun failing, and a lot of death. There's one passage missing, though. Luke had been occasionally saying weird things, which matched the passages from that scroll. We meet the killer and he gets away. He is incredibly fast and deadly with a stiletto. Next day, he reveals himself to be a member of the family who founded the town, and that Luke is his brother. He stabs Luke, Luke's last words are the missing passage, I scribble the important part down, Luke dies. We kill the dude, he turned out to be bat-**** crazy, and him trying to bring his other brother back after the local priest failed was probably the reason that this zombie apocalypse is happening. Last passage of the scroll says we need to go to the old graveyard and return the scroll to some stone with six stars on it to stop this terrible rainstorm which will paint the town red, if you know what I mean.
Spoiler: Another awesome quote from Brocc
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Listen, Syrinden! I don't care if this is against the law, there's too much of a coincidence between what's going on and this scroll! The corpses, the dead brother, the dark magic, the rain, and we have to try and stop it! And even If I'm wrong, and this is all just some crazy coincidence and we broke the law for no reason, we can do the time, we can pay the fine, we can say we're sorry, and we can be on our way! We have nothing to lose here! Now come on, we've got a prophecy to stop!
Spoiler: Why Dinten was acting weird
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As we failed to stop the storm from coming, we had no choice but to fight EVERYBODY who had been buried in the graveyard, and we were trying to find ways around it to stop a full on zombie apocalypse. Dinten, after being approached by seven zombies, steps forward, inhales dramatically, and...
Breathes loudly at the zombies.
Then, with a successful wisdom save, it hit Brocc. Dinten thought he was landragosa.
Landragosa is the half blue dragon fighter guy from before we entered the fog. So, in other words, now we have a ranger who THINKS he's a dragonborn fighter who wields a spear and a greatsword seperately, and who is incredibly deadly. In truth, he is completely ignoring the bow he is unbelievably deadly with, and instead using a melee weapon which he has ABSOLUTELY NO BONUSES for.
Also, we're fighting off a zombie apocalypse, I'm out of spells, Osric is out of spells, Syrinden is out of spells, and Jason, who is a sorcerer by the way, is unconsious. Yep, we're gonna die!
The session cut off in the middle of that fight.