-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1728: My half orc is no longer allowed to bid "No Decapitations" at an auction.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Aidan305
1728: My half orc is no longer allowed to bid "No Decapitations" at an auction.
Can we get some context please?
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sgt. Cookie
Can we get some context please?
I'm betting it's "I bid 450 gp", "I bid 500 gp", "Well I bid I don't decapitate all of you if you give me the artifact" *rolls intimidate*.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1729. It doesn't matter if we're playing a game set in the real world with all the bells and whistles, my martial artist does not know the words to either version of Kung Fu Fighting!
1729a. He doesn't have it on his iPod either!
1729b. Or MP3!
1729c. Or a CD!
1729d. Or a DVD!
1729e. You know what? Carl Douglas and Cee Lo Green never existed in this world!
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1730. Just because I told the NPC I'd feed him his own intestines if he didn't talk doesn't mean I have to follow through if he refuses.
1731 Paladins cannot be intimidated, ever, no matter how scary I look covered in paladin blood.
1732 just because the evil villain is hiding "somewhere in town x" does not give me permission to block all the gates and set the town on fire.
1732a nor may I blow up the dam and flood the town for similar reasons.
1733 I may not create a spell named Summon C4.
1733a "Eric's thermonuclear device" is also not a spell I'm allowed to make.
1733b due to popular demand I am however permitted to finish the creation of the marshmellow summoning spell. (effect is to create 3 D20 marshmellows)
1734 I may not duel wield chainsaws
1734a I may not even have a chainsaw
1734b not even if I use magic to make it work
1735 Sufficiently advanced technology is indistiguishable from magic, this does not mean that technology distinguishable from magic is insufficently advanced.
1736 when coming up with a plan to destroy the evil base it should not begin with: E=MC^2
1736 nor is the next step to be "enrich the uranium"
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
noparlpf
I'm betting it's "I bid 450 gp", "I bid 500 gp", "Well I bid I don't decapitate all of you if you give me the artifact" *rolls intimidate*.
Pretty much. It probably didn't help that for every one of the auctioneer's goons I killed I raised the bidding by one. After five decapitations the guy ran for it.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1737: shopkeepers are powerful and eldritch creatures who will in no uncertain terms utterly destroy all succesful or attempted shopkeepers.
1738: just because the man has dark hair, a goatee, and a moustache does not make him evil.
1739: However if his name is Petyr Baelish its probably a safe assumption
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Chookster
1737: shopkeepers are powerful and eldritch creatures who will in no uncertain terms utterly destroy all succesful or attempted shopkeepers.
:smallconfused: Did you maybe mean: Shoplifters are powerful and eldritch creatures who will in no uncertain terms utterly destroy all successful or attempted shopkeepers?
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kaomera
:smallconfused: Did you maybe mean: Shoplifters are powerful and eldritch creatures who will in no uncertain terms utterly destroy all successful or attempted shopkeepers?
or maybe he meant
Shopkeepers are powerful and eldritch creatures who will in no uncertain terms utterly destroy all successful or attempted shoplifters?
in order to avoid the classic "does the shopkeeper have a better weapon than I do?" paradox
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Venger got that one correct thank you sir
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Chookster
Venger got that one correct thank you sir
You're quite welcome, my friend
1740: I am no longer allowed to talk the wizard into casting gentle repose on my victims without letting her know they didn't drown on their own.
1740a: not even if she doesn't have any ranks in sense motive
1740b: it does not matter what my bluff is
1741: I am no longer allowed to say "Blibdoolpoolp" at the table
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1742: I may not mock the Druid for turning into a snake by saying that that never helps.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1743: Unless we are actually evil, we may not attach the 12-year-old Dwarf child (so around 5 in human terms) to a long rope hanging from the stern of our Astral Plane ship just because we have completely unfounded suspicions that he might be an illithid in disguise.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1743b: The Paladin on the other hand can.
1743c: Because he worships Asmodeus and has detect alignment.
1743d: Even when he can't
1744: Conjurers do not have contests of who can some the bigger thing
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1745. I am no longer allowed to make characters that can shoot enough arrows to destroy a small army in one round. ESPECIALLY when wildshaped into a giant tentacle monster.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1745.B. This is still true even if the arrow count is one. Scratch that especially true.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1746: I am no longer allowed to pass flatus in the face of the BBEG.
1746a: Especially if its Stradh.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1747: I will not taunt the octopus.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1747a: I will not have a theological debate with it either.
1747b: Nor shall I play poker with it while doing so.
1747c: Especially not strip poker.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1748a. Stabbing things is bad
1748b. Stabbing things in punishable by being stabbed
1748c. No stabbing of good people
1749 "I stab it" is not how you greet the DMPC
1749a. Especially if the DMPC is always 10 levels higher than you.
1750. I am never allowed to sing the stabbing song in combat
The stabbing song goes as follows:
First Verse- sung to the tune of "Kill The Wabbit"
STAP THE HEATHENS! STAB THE HEATHENS! STAB THEM ALL!
Second Verse- sung to the tune of "I am a Dwarf, and I'm digging a hole!"
IM A BARBARIAN AND I'M STABBING THE MINIONS! STABBY STABBY MINIONS, IM STABBING THE MINIONS!
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kymme123
171750. I am never allowed to sing the stabbing song in combat
The stabbing song goes as follows:
First Verse- sung to the tune of "Kill The Wabbit"
STAP THE HEATHENS! STAB THE HEATHENS! STAB THEM ALL!
Second Verse- sung to the tune of "I am a Dwarf, and I'm digging a hole!"
IM A BARBARIAN AND I'M STABBING THE MINIONS! STABBY STABBY MINIONS, IM STABBING THE MINIONS!
congratluations, you've just found my girlfriend's new theme song for her barbarian characters.
-hands over cookie jar-
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1751: My LG Cleric of Heironeous cannot "mercy kill" innocent children in order teach the CG Fighter a lesson in values/morals/ethics.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
big teej
congratluations, you've just found my girlfriend's new theme song for her barbarian characters.
-hands over cookie jar-
You are quite welcome, good sir :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1749a.I am not allowed to keep the victims of baleful polymorphs as pet cats
1749b.Especially not high level psions. Or high level optomized BBEGs.
1749c.Note: Catnip doesnt work on cat-shaped high level psions
1749d. Make that no pet cats. Ever.
1749e. If by some accident i aquire a pet cat, it will immediately be drowned.
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1750: if my plan at any point involves the words "psychological warfare" and has to make the DM think for mroe than a minute about the logical consequences it is banned
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1751: baleful polymorph does not let my character get around the "humanoid or monstrous humanoid" part of his vow of nonviolence
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1752: Flesh to stone does not let my character get around "Vow of nonviolence"
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1755: Teleport does not let my character get around "Vow of Nonviolence".
1755B: Neither does Greater Teleport.
EDIT: Fixed numbering
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Demidos
1749a.I am not allowed to keep the victims of baleful polymorphs as pet cats
1749b.Especially not high level psions. Or high level optomized BBEGs.
1749c.Note: Catnip doesnt work on cat-shaped high level psions
1749d. Make that no pet cats. Ever.
1749e. If by some accident i aquire a pet cat, it will immediately be drowned.
You've just given me a great idea for an "innocent" old Cat Lady NPC.
:belkar:
-
Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
1754: I cannot use Greater Magic Weapon on a Mimic disguised as a longsword to make a +5 Mimic.