Hi Dracons. I'm sorry I can't really offer advice for your other problems, though I would like to say that I'm confident that there's someone out there who can love you. Also that the girl you wrote about sounds very immature and not a particularly nice person, and that's not your fault.
But I can respond to the part about adopting as a single man. Specifically: yes. Yes, you can, if it's something you're serious about. While most international countries don't allow single men to adopt (there are some, but not the big ones like China or Russia) more and more single men are adopting through domestic adoptions. The most common option is to adopt from foster care (either starting out as a foster parent and then adopting the kids you're placed with, or skipping straight to adoption), and if you're interested there's an article about that here. There are also adoption agencies who would work with you (they'll say right on their website if they work with single men or not) so poke around online to look for one in your area. Here is an article on single parent adoption in general; some of it's geared toward women but there are sections for men, too. Alternatively, you could investigate surrogacy, though that can be very expensive.
In short, there are obstacles and prejudices out there, but there are also people who understand that single people (both men and women) can make great parents. If you're serious about becoming a father even if you can't find a partner, don't write yourself off just yet!
And I'm saying, who are you to decide what's in his best interest? If he wants to crossdress, that's his business. If he's not actively hurting himself (i.e. wearing women's clothes because he's suddenly having trouble with being trans, which doesn't seem to be the case) or other people (i.e. telling another FtM off for wearing men's clothes) then you've no right to tell him he shouldn't. All he's doing his crossdressing. The fact that he wasn't born with a penis doesn't change that.
As for sending messages to the other trans people in the group -- well, I don't know any of them, but I doubt that most of them mind. Especially since there are "loads of" other trans people, so they have other examples or role models if they need one. "Sure, Bob likes to wear dresses sometimes, but Jimmy over there wouldn't be caught dead in a dress. I guess it's okay for me to do either!" Again, I don't know the people in the group, so I can only guess, but that's how it seems to me.
What makes you think that people wouldn't question him in a few years?Quote:
He should wait a couple of years to solidify his intentions before making people question them again.
Well, see, that's something you can actually respond to. If you were to see him get upset over people getting it wrong, and you know they got it wrong because of his clothes, you could point it out to them. "Why do they keep thinking I'm a girl?" "Dude, you're wearing a dress." Because yeah, some people would make a mistake there.Quote:
And I know how upset he gets when people get it wrong.
Anyway, as his friend, the best thing you can do is support him, even if you don't agree with all his choices. He needs that more than he needs your commentary on his clothing.