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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sith_Happens
* I may not allow this thread to drop off the first page.:smalltongue:
* Flamethrowers are weapons, not cooking supplies.
*This also applies to katanas, ankle grinders, chainsaws, explosives, and small bears.
*Cannot play Saxton HAAAAAAAAAAAALE!
*Or Saxton whale.
*And especially not Hatston Sale, even if it approximates valve's interests.
* A wand of magic missile is not a missile launcher.
*A wand of delayed blast fireball is not a Stickybomb launcher.
*Cannot use staff mastery to dual-wield staves as a staff magus.
* The hammer is not my paladin’s peinis.
Meanwhile, in mouseguard:
*If I am making a sailor mouse, hook, eyepatch and all, must actually have skills relevant to sailing.
*Cannot lash together the bodies of fallen crewmembers to make a raft, boatcrafting or no.
*If the G.M retroactively gives a character the ‘paranoid’ trait and the instinct ‘suspect EVERYONE,’ that is an indicator for the player to tone it down.
*No longer allowed to talk if I have to go over my speech 3 times in order not so say too much.
*If I am borrowing a ship, I am expected to bring it back in one piece, particularly if the captain owning it was a drinking buddy.
*Not to tell a predator of our species if we can avoid it.
* If we are like 5 seconds from being torn apart by zealous ferrets, not to let the injured party member squeak in pain.
*If we haven’t been seen by the ferret isles for 1000 years, this dose not make us mythical figures, it makes us mythical lunch.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
* I may not equip six weapons in two hands if their names are "shortsword", "shortsword", "bo bortsword", "bananafana fo fortsword", "me mi mo mortsword", "shortsword".
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Doorhandle
*This also applies to katanas, ankle grinders, chainsaws, explosives, and small bears.
*Cannot play Saxton HAAAAAAAAAAAALE!
*Or Saxton whale.
*And especially not Hatston Sale, even if it approximates valve's interests.
* Even if Saxton Hale does fight with his bare hands, and in a loincloth, a Vow of Poverty Monk is a poor representation of his abilities.
* I may not introduce my character to the party by randomly bursting through a wall and yelling "Property damage!"
** If the party has been through enough weird stuff that they find this not-startling by comparison, I may not take offense.
* The Druid is not a hippie.
* I may not take Perform (One-liner) as an excuse to spout off poorly-adapted Saxtone Hale quotes at every opportunity.
* The party Sorceress is inexplicably immune to my manly charms.
* Even if it's what Saxton Hale would do, I may not confront every situation by recklessly charging head-on.
** Especially if that's what Saxton Hale would do.
* Even if Saxton Hale would never, ever back away from a fight, I may still run from the stone giant barbarian who would have TPKed the party during his first appearance had he not been dealing nonlethal damage.
** If I choose not to run, I am not to complain when the rest of the party still does.
** I definitely may not then expect my character to survive the fight.
...In case you're wondering, a guy I know did in fact play Saxton Hale for his first ever D&D character. All of the above things actually happened.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lonely Tylenol
* I may not equip six weapons in two hands if their names are "shortsword", "shortsword", "bo bortsword", "bananafana fo fortsword", "me mi mo mortsword", "shortsword".
WUT. :smalleek:
I... I don't even.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*The Chief Librarian of my DIY Space Marine chapter is not named Crepusculum Mico.
(Lets see how long it takes someone to get that)
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*I may not abuse the Craft skill to make a pressure washer.
*I may not then get the Cleric to Bless the water in said pressure washer.
*Under no circumstances am I to use this now holy pressure washer to approximate a holy water "flamethrower" to clear out the vampire lair.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*I may not have the Cleric cast plane shift, moving the entire encounter to the elemental plane of water, only to cast bless water.
*Even if the things were fighting aren't hurt by holy water.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Arbane
* Even if the Summoner is both female and Small sized, she can't make her Eidolon a My Little Pony.
** ESPECIALLY not Pinkie Pie.
*** Pinkie Piedolon is not allowed to have the Swallow Whole mutation.
**** If Pinkie Piedolon does have Swallow Whole, she is not retroactively the reason goblins are deathly afraid of horses.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*If we find an NPC, we are not allowed to stick them in a papoose and take them with us.
*We are not allowed to use wolves as drug dealers
*Or give them pimp hats
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*It's considered to be in extremely bad taste to hide in the recently constructed funeral pyre during an ambush just because the ambient fire damage can't overcome my fire resistance.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*I am not allowed to watch MacGyver right before or during character creation
*Especially not if my character has any craft skills.
*Craft (Any) is not a valid craft skill.
*This goes double if I plan on taking any class in any game that has a knowledge or technological orientation.
*Same goes for Doctor Who
*And Doc from back to the future
*Double for any engineer from any star trek show ever, triple for Scotty.
*You know what? If it has craft as a class skill I can't have it.
*I'm still on probation when it comes to classes with knowledge skills on their class skill list.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*I may NOT play a dwarven artificer who's motto is "Enchantment?"
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*May not diffuse a tense situation between the party and a tribe of lizardfolk with a 30 diplo roll.
**Especially at 2nd level.
***Even if all you did was make it so you wouldn't have to give them your prisoners of an enemy tribe of lizardfolk.
*Shouldn't be surprised when the town guard whom you turn the hostile lizardfolk over to decide to burn them alive.
**Shouldn't be surprised later when said guards attack the friendly lizardfolk tribe just because you were rather vague when saying "don't attack our friends", ie. not telling the guards that said lizardfolk are the friends in question.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
* I may not act on my urges to kill the idiotic NPC's that killed my character's friends/allies.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
* May not play an awakened zombie incarnate construct warforged ninja with the dread pirate prestige class
* said character is not a ninja pirate robot zombie
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*While Legend is one of the few systems that could possibly run it, not to make a campaign based on "How To Kill A Mockingbird."
*In the same vein, lightsaber gun-swords only exist in that flash movie.
* Not to make a Gestalt ninja/druid.
*Cannot literally make a character a murderhobo.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*When looking to blow something up, I should not ask the GM will it burn aswell.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Doorhandle
*Cannot literally make a character a murderhobo.
Homocidal Transients, my freind. The name should say it all
* May not wield bags of holding as a melee weapon
* Nor as a thrown weapon
*The portable Hole Discus does not work
* I am only allowed extradimesnional space to store inanimate objects
* Turned of goldems do not count, nor do yet to be animated corpses
* Bags of holding are not red and white plastic balls
* If, in any way, I do encapture an enemy in a bag of holding, letting them out will not make them loyal to me and fight for me
* Even with magic
* My sorceror is not now, nor will he ever be, a pokemon master
* Duct tape cannot be used to make new monsters on the fly in the middle of combat
* No matter how hard I try
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
* I cannot force the Druid's animal companion to walk ahead of the party to set off traps.
* Nor NPCs
* Kidnapping children from the market for the purpose is right out.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*A favored soul of the goddess of nature should not be investing in gnome technology so they would make this a grenade launcher.
*said grenade launcher shooting "only" alchemical flasks does not improve the situation.
*lunching alchemist fire at animals that -might- have been hostile in the forest is enough to make the goddess take away my magic.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tuggyne
WUT. :smalleek:
I... I don't even.
Context! :smallsmile:
* I may not use "talking is a free action" to justify having elaborate, minutes-long negotiations with the enemy NPC during my round in the initiative without losing my move or standard.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlackestOfMages
* My sorceror is not now, nor will he ever be, a pokemon master
Of course not! That's the Summoner's job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ClothedInVelvet
* I cannot force the Druid's animal companion to walk ahead of the party to set off traps.
* Nor NPCs
* Kidnapping children from the market for the purpose is right out.
Well, duh. That's why mules only cost 8 GP!
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BlackestOfMages
* Duct tape cannot be used to make new monsters on the fly in the middle of combat
* No matter how hard I try
Obviously you need a paperclip and possibly a chewing gum to make that possible. For Large and above you may want to substitute "paperclip" with "coat hanger"
*And there goes my necromancer rights too.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*No matter how powerful my archivist or factotum is, I may not build a sonic screwdriver and refer to myself as "the Doctor."
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ClothedInVelvet
*No matter how powerful my archivist or factotum is, I may not build a sonic screwdriver and refer to myself as "the Doctor."
**Even if I have ranks in profession (Doctor).
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Randomguy
**Even if I have ranks in profession (Doctor).
Well duh. He has profession (The Doctor) and (Being Mysterious).
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*never again may I make a dual-wielding scimitar+kukri-using fighter
*If I am scoring critical hits about once every two rounds, the DM is going to be very cross with me.
*If I am able to use critical feats to make the BBEG blind, deaf and dumb all in the same round, the DM will go into that corner and cry until we get him a pizza.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Beowulf DW
*never again may I make a dual-wielding scimitar+kukri-using fighter
*If I am scoring critical hits about once every two rounds, the DM is going to be very cross with me.
*If I am able to use critical feats to make the BBEG blind, deaf and dumb all in the same round, the DM will go into that corner and cry until we get him a pizza.
*If all our foes from now on have elemental body, ARE elementals or oozes, or are otherwise immume to crits, I can blame no-one but myself.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*If I get fragged by the groups rogue I still have no one else to blame
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
"If I am the only character who took profession (cooking) as a class skill, I am not allowed to slip potions of gender bending into the party's food."
"I am going to turn them back to men, even if I think they look better as women."
"If another PC is going to get romantically involved with my female PC at anytime I am to warn them in advance if she has been "experimenting" on her own body."
"I am not allowed to play D&D for at least 1 week after downloading a new X-change game."
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
"If I am the only character who took profession (cooking) as a class skill, I am not allowed to slip potions of gender bending into the party's food."
"I am going to turn them back to men, even if I think they look better as women."
"If another PC is going to get romantically involved with my female PC at anytime I am to warn them in advance if she has been "experimenting" on her own body."
"I am not allowed to play D&D for at least 1 week after downloading a new X-change game."
*If I genderchange the barbarian using magic, I will not be surprised if the new shim gender-changes me by force.
*Slowly.
* With a rusty, damp knife.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*I am not allowed to carry a box of bastard swords (katanas) on my back and then throw them in battle at the ground to walk on.
*I may not throw 8 katanas per round at an enemy, even if I am a bloodstorm blade with 8 attacks for a full round action.
*Even if my character is named Mifune
*Especially if my character is named Mifune
*I may not make characters based on anime period
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Drathmar
*I am not allowed to carry a box of bastard swords (katanas) on my back and then throw them in battle at the ground to walk on.
*I may not throw 8 katanas per round at an enemy, even if I am a bloodstorm blade with 8 attacks for a full round action.
*Even if my character is named Mifune
*Especially if my character is named Mifune
*I may not make characters based on anime period
* My character's legend does not begin in the 12th century.
* I may not demand that the party follow a series of 1000 increasingly insane rules just so they can adventure with me.
* If my character could one-shot the entire campaign, I may not say that I'm "just here to observe" the final battle.
* I'm not from the United Kingdom.
* I'm not looking for him/her.
* I'm not going to California.
* FOOL!
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sith_Happens
* If my character could one-shot the entire campaign, I may not say that I'm "just here to observe" the final battle.
*Nor may I one-shot the entire campaign and then sit out the final part claiming to have already done my part.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*I am not allowed to combine cloth and sovreign glue and create duct tape.
*I'm not allowed to use duct tape and animate object to create an army
*animate rope does not affect rolled up duct tape
*I am not allowed to make duct tape armor
*yes IRL duct tape fixes everything, but your not allowed to use it in place of any tool
*especially not to be used in Heal checks.
*no. Ruling the world through power of tape is not allowed.
*if I try that, a rebellion of solvent users will over throw me
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Ignore this post, might have double posted due to server error :smallsigh:
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Doorhandle
*If I genderchange the barbarian using magic, I will not be surprised if the new shim gender-changes me by force.
*Having my CE Halfling Sorcerer bluff the LG Paladin into wearing a Belt of Gender Change will allow said paladin a Smite Evil against me.
*Even if it is metagaming due to me wearing an item that prevents alignment detection.
*My CE Halfling is not allowed to take the Winged templete ever again.
*Nor is he allowed any of the following:
Rod of Wonder,
Staff of Charming,
Staff of Power,
the party's only healing wand,
conjuration spells,
evocation spells,
spells at all,
a Baslisk's severed head,
the Head's Up feat,
Chaotic Evil alignment,
the right to be a halfling.
the right to even exist at all.
(He wasn't mass murderer evil, but he was definitely an evil little prick)
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*Just because a Gaze attack isn't a natural weapon, dosen't mean I can weaponries the medusa's head.
* Flesh to stone is not flesh to diamond, no matter if the princess planet disagrees
*Cannot carry around donkey jawbones so I can 'get biblical on someone’s ass.'
*Cannot use handle animal to train an elephant to pickpocket.
*Particularly if the best part of that plan is if the elephant is caught, I still have an elephant.
*Cannot wish to roll natural twenties forever.
*cannot use an epic spell to achieve the same result.
*Cannot train a permanent animated object to use magic device.
*Especially if the magic device in question is a wand of fly, and the object in question is a boat.
*Making retributive strikes is not to be a repeated thing.
*potions of light healing are not suppositories, and it is wrong to tell any players this.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Doorhandle
*Cannot wish to roll natural twenties forever.
*cannot use an epic spell to achieve the same result.
*Cannot be a greater deity either.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
* I don't have to see the other PCs' identification.
* The warforged are not the droids I'm looking for.
* They can go about their business.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jay R
* I don't have to see the other PCs' identification.
* The warforged are not the droids I'm looking for.
* They can go about their business.
* I do not want to sell them deathsticks.
* I want to go home and rethink my life.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Doorhandle
*Cannot carry around donkey jawbones so I can 'get biblical on someone’s ass.'
*If I am given a fetch quest involving 100...things, I may not decide bring back 200...things, to impress my future father-in-law and win the hand of the princess.
*My cleric may not carve ten laws into two tablets, break them, and then put them in a box just so that he can melt his enemies' faces.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Beowulf DW
*My cleric may not carve ten laws into two tablets, break them, and then put them in a box just so that he can melt his enemies' faces.
*Creating three tablets, but pretending there were only two because he accidentally dropped one, is right out.*
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*if the player in question happens to be deaf, that does not mean that character automatically knows Drow Sign Language for free.
*"When in doubt, throw the halfling" is not a viable tactic.
*Especially if said halfling is also a sorceress.
*Substituting this with catapults is considered bad form.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*If my character ever becomes the leader of a town or village, my evacuation plan for the women and children in case it ever gets attacked can under no circumstances involve catapults.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheJudicator
*"When in doubt, throw the halfling" is not a viable tactic.
Nor, I must add, is "punt the gnome".
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*fighting with your off hand just so you can say "I am not left handed" is considered bad form
*If you do so you're opponent will reveal that he is not left handed either.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*No plan can on any occasion involve a checklist more than one metre in length.
**Cheating by putting it in book form will not be tolerated.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*Making Plan A be "Think of a plan," may not be the wisest course of action.
*Making Plan B be "Kill it with fire," will come back to bite you in the ass.
*Making Plan C be "Run away and think of a new plan," might actually work, but it will earn your character a reputation as a wimp.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lonely Tylenol
Nor, I must add, is "punt the gnome".
Wait... I thought "punt the gnome" was ALWAYS a valid tactic, regardless of the situation.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Drathmar
Wait... I thought "punt the gnome" was ALWAYS a valid tactic, regardless of the situation.
Not when you are trying to convince Gnomes that you do not punt them...
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sgt. Cookie
Not when you are trying to convince Gnomes that you do not punt them...
* I may not make a character capable of convincing gnomes that I won't punt them by doing exactly that.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
*Cannot control more than tywice my bodyweight in minions at any one time.
*Cannot use iron body to increase my bodyweight for this purpose.
*My cohorts cannot also have cohorts.
*If we are using the "Plushyfication" houserule, cannot sell the plushy.
*My sandwich doesn't tell me to kill people.
*My sword MIGHT tell me to kill people. not allowed to listen.
*My cohorts cannot have cohorts, giving me an army a million strong.
*If I try this, I have to pay for them and feed them.
*Not to great-cleave the huge pile of minions to prove a point.
*No, I cannot put ranks into Profession: Corspecrafter, even if a necromancser.
* We are not playing nethack, and so yes, your charcter can in fact equip pants.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Doorhandle
* We are not playing nethack, and so yes, your charcter can in fact equip pants.
Oddly enough, their isn't a "pants" magic item slot, so actually you have to stat up pants as custom slotless magic items.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Necroticplague
Oddly enough, their isn't a "pants" magic item slot, so actually you have to stat up pants as custom slotless magic items.
Or, you know, just not bother wearing pants.:smallwink:
...Which is a perfect segway into these:
* I may not use Iron Heart Surge as a "performance"-enhancer.
* After the scene fades to black, I may not make a bunch of random skill checks and "let everyone imagine what the heck that means."
** Especially not Handle Animal.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sith_Happens
* After the scene fades to black, I may not make a bunch of random skill checks and "let everyone imagine what the heck that means."
** Especially not Handle Animal.
*** Or Ride.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Arbane
*** Or Ride.
**** Disguise is out of the question.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Randomguy
**** Disguise is out of the question.
**** If you make a Use Rope check, you have to make sure a safety word is specified.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ClothedInVelvet
**** If you make a Use Rope check, you have to make sure a safety word is specified.
*****A UMD check in reference to a Rod of Wonder is crossing the line.
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Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
**in a medeval setting I may not under any circumstance craft a .50 cal
**Nor may I build a Mini-gun
*it is not named sasha
*it may not be more intelegent than I am
*It may not cost $2.6 million to fire for 8 and a half seconds.
**if I become a sniper it does not make me australian
*I may not be a deranged gunman, paid assassin is acceptable though
*Professional have standards though
*parents will not approve
**Sun Tzu did not take two of every animal on a boat a beat them all up
*nor is this event the origin of the word Zoo