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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lentrax
Spoiler
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1. You don't have to 'go through with' anything. You are free to be yourself, and to go as far as you want. If that means crossdressing, wearing girly jeans, or a full-on no-holds-barred transition, then so be it. Do what it takes for you to be comfortable with you.
2. There is doubt in everything. It is only when you laugh in the face of doubt, spread your wings and fly, that you learn where your true boundries are. To quote a song 'You'll never know what you can do until you get it up as high as you can go.'
3. How would you trick yourself into believing you are trans? Have you ever talked with anyone about how you feel?
4. Do you know how she feels about trans* people in general? Maybe you could find a way to bring it up with her? Relate a story about someone who is trans*? (Not sure about the ages of you and your SO, but the trans* Homecoming queen in California is a good story.)
5. Really depends on the answer to number 4.
6. Honey, I am 30 years old. I have been married to my wife for seven years. And I have come out as trans with the belief that I truly want to transition. I doubt whether the changes will be that great, but I have put off how I feel long enough. I don't really think that there can ever be a point where the cost would be too great.
7. I don't think anyone can ever know the future, but if you truly feel you are trans, then I don't think you will feel different in ten years. Or longer. But it is critical you speak with a professional in any event. You need to sort some things out, and if you still feel you are trans down the road, you have a place to start.
I don't want you to feel like I am singling you out or trying to put you down, I am just trying to suggest some answers to your problems.
What great advice. I was sitting here, between doing work, trying to think of the right things to say, and you said it brilliantly. :smallsmile:
Good luck, MuffinPuiffin. I would definitely talk to your SO. They sound like someone to be with, forever. But... that's just my opinion.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kesnit
People have answered your posts already, but I'm going to add my 2 coppers...
Spoiler: Oops
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It doesn't have to be "quick." I started my transition 7.5 years ago, and I'm far from where I want to be. (That is mostly because of finances - going to school means no money for surgery.) If you do decide to transition, do it at your own pace, whatever pace that is.
As others have said, she sounds like she would be supportive. The only way to know is to talk to her.
That is a very valid concern. But it is something only you can decide. But it is also not a decision that has to be made right away. Take your time and really think about it. Analyze the issue. Take it apart and study it from all the angles. Eventually, you will know.
Spoiler
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Thank you, I was starting to panic a little. Maybe takeing some time to think is in my best interests.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jaycemonde
Life is confusing and inefficient and I hate it. So pretty normal, I guess. You?
Confusing yes, inefficient? to do that it must first have a meaning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lex-Kat
What great advice. I was sitting here, between doing work, trying to think of the right things to say, and you said it brilliantly. :smallsmile:
Good luck, MuffinPuiffin. I would definitely talk to your SO. They sound like someone to be with, forever. But... that's just my opinion.
Spoiler
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She really is great, but I don't think i'm ready to talk yet....
Alright, heres a plan. I'll ask her about my hair, see if she thinks it looks feminine and try and gauge a reaction.
BUt wait, I jsut said I'd take some time! ahhhhh!
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MuffinPuffin
Confusing yes, inefficient? to do that it must first have a meaning.
My meaning in life is mainly fixing other peoples' dumb GECK and leveledlist/baseid errors and acting as a reluctant pseudo-mother to my boyfriend and sister/girlfriend. Still inefficient and either depressing or dull at all times.
Also, I presume there was no progress on recovering the ability to put down any gender you'd like, even though so many people would benefit from that? I keep switching between MtF and Intersex and wishing there were other options that fit between the two.
Bweh. Anyway.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jaycemonde
My meaning in life is mainly fixing other peoples' dumb GECK and leveledlist/baseid errors and acting as a reluctant pseudo-mother to my boyfriend and sister/girlfriend. Still inefficient and either depressing or dull at all times.
Also, I presume there was no progress on recovering the ability to put down any gender you'd like, even though so many people would benefit from that? I keep switching between MtF and Intersex and wishing there were other options that fit between the two.
Bweh. Anyway.
Truly does sound confusing. Just take the good with the dull i suppose.
And you can always use the symbol I do :smalltongue:
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Hugs, please?
I have arms to hug with and ears to listen with, if needed. Its the least I can do for the help I received.
*huggs*
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Hugs, please?
*Hug* Do you want to talk about it?
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Hugs, please?
*hugs, give a blanket, some hot cocao, and some cookies*
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
lord pringle
*Hug* Do you want to talk about it?
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment thing, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
Wow, I just...
*huggs* Im so sorry.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment thing, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
Do you have any friends who open or concealed carry that could walk you places? Seeing that you have acquaintances who own guns should cool their jets pretty damned quick.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jaycemonde
Do you have any friends who open or concealed carry that could walk you places? Seeing that you have acquaintances who own guns should cool their jets pretty damned quick.
No. Guns are not really a thing here. Pepper spray is illegal as well. I do carry a knife normally, but it was in my other bag...
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment thing, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
That's awful, Caroline :smallfrown: It's pretty bad when "standard street harassment" is the better option.
Hugs.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Spoiler: MuffinPuffin
Show
Transitioning in a relationship is no more pushing it on your SO than any other important anything in your life. A romantic relationship tends to involve sharing one's worries, wants and wishes, and helping each other with them. Committing to something is scary, yes, but I think the consensus is that having to hide a part of yourself from an SO usually does more to put that relationship in danger than telling them. As it is, your SO seems very much all right with you being trans, and may want to be there to support you.
Starting with asking about your hair is a fine step to take, and is neither rash nor too fast, I think. :smallsmile:
As for everything else: In truth, most trans people I've spoken with, and including myself, often feel like we're somehow lying to ourselves or not really trans. There is a lot of pressure on people to only transition if they're 100000% sure that they aren't cis and only as a last resort, but that pressure is enormously unfair and rooted more in cultures that consider being transgender as the worst thing possible. Everybody has doubts and most go slowly at first and explore things at their own pace. If you at some point feel comfortable despite not having done X, Y or Z, then that doesn't mean you've wasted time or don't have the right to be yourself. Some people prefer only wearing the right clothing, some are fluid, some only want hormones, some only want specific surgeries. There is no right way to be trans and there is nothing that says that you can't explore and see what you want for yourself. Having doubts doesn't mean you're wrong and it is enough that you want to try to explore the possibility.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with being any gender identity or presenting in any way, so there is also nothing wrong with wanting to try one without being super sure that you always will want to have that. If you end up figuring out that you don't want to transition, then that's just as valid. :smallsmile:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment thing, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
*Hugs enough to cover the moon in hugs*
I'm glad that you had a friend to help you home, but that sounds very very scary. I really wish this kind of thing wasn't so common and that people couldn't harass others to make them feel unsafe. You are an awesome and much better person than any of those, and they should be the one afraid that they might have bothered you, not them making you afraid because they're sexist transphobic jerks that are apparently allowed to do whatever they want. ;_;
Really wish I could do something, but all I can do is offer internet hugs.
*More Kobold-y hugs*
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MuffinPuffin
Spoiler: Mope
Show
Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry, no rape joke was my intention, just trying to be silly.
Maybe I should leave this thread, I can't do anything right.
I can't give advice, I'm creepy when I try to fit in, and the only advice i'd want right now... probably isn't the best to ask for.
No, it wasn't you hon. Twas Anders and I playing off each other, I believe.
And you've been helped handily, but there's one question that sort of clinches things for me, personally; if you do stop, will this despair go away? It won't for me. So I'm stuck with moving forward. Makes thigs clearer in a way.
Although reading recent posts about harassment give me the jitters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jaycemonde
WHOA, hello, totally new forum layout. Very not-functional looking.
I haven't checked into this thread in ages. What's up with the handy blacklist tag by the name?
Hi there! Black list tag?
I'm also surprised by the 'not functional looking' the layout keeps recieving. O.o
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jaycemonde
My meaning in life is mainly fixing other peoples' dumb GECK and leveledlist/baseid errors and acting as a reluctant pseudo-mother to my boyfriend and sister/girlfriend. Still inefficient and either depressing or dull at all times.
I was like "sister to your girlfriend/girlfriend to your sister?" But the. I realized that made perfect sense and I just happen to not like my sister. Hah.
Quote:
Also, I presume there was no progress on recovering the ability to put down any gender you'd like, even though so many people would benefit from that? I keep switching between MtF and Intersex and wishing there were other options that fit between the two.
Bweh. Anyway.
No, I think they're sticking with the pull-down menu. Only way to get graphics I believe.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment thing, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
*Hugs* I hope you're okay. Hopefully they're just low-brow bums and will move on with their lives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a.... Nevermind. :smallsmile: I found the glossary in the OP.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment thing, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
*offers hugs*
It's a very unpleasant and scary experience, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. :c
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment thing, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
*hugs for Caroline*
This is just stupid. Street harassment should never be a thing. I'm sorry you have had something so bad happen so close to where you live.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Harassed on the street by random dudes (at least 5 of them). It would have been a standard street harassment thing, because woman, etc. But apparently, I'm not passing. After one of them had neared and addressed me, another in the back said "****, it's a transvestite!", and everyone started laughing.
I was afraid (still am). At least, a friend helped me to walk back home.
It happened, like... within 2 minutes of my building. I don't feel safe.
You have all of our support. You have my sword. Admittedly, it's not so much a sword as a decorative piece of foam shaped in the rough likeness of a sword, but I would gladly use it to defend you as best I was able.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
golentan
You have all of our support. You have my sword. Admittedly, it's not so much a sword as a decorative piece of foam shaped in the rough likeness of a sword, but I would gladly use it to defend you as best I was able.
Spoiler: biggish picture
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Thanks everyone. Starting to feel better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Astrella
*offers hugs*
It's a very unpleasant and scary experience, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. :c
Yeah... You mentioned a couple times you had similar things happen to you.
What makes me feel weird is that, at first, I was gendered correctly, so they thought harassing me was fine, because sexism and stuff. But then, someone clocked me, so they switched to transphobia. Basically, I have the "choice" between sexism and transphobia... At least, sexism recognizes my identity. It's a strange society where I'm happy to be the target of sexism.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lentrax
*hugs for Caroline*
This is just stupid. Street harassment should never be a thing. I'm sorry you have had something so bad happen so close to where you live.
Yeah... At the moment, I'm afraid to go out. I hope I'll feel better tomorrow.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
*offers show of support for Caroline, be it in the form of hugs or other acceptable currencies*
Can I offer a suggestion? I really enjoy your blog - why not do an article in the form of a letter to these obnoxious jerks? What they did, how they made you feel, why what they did hurt you so much. It might be cathartic and offer insight for cis people.
Just a thought. ^^
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Yeah... At the moment, I'm afraid to go out. I hope I'll feel better tomorrow.
*hugs*
I am sure you will.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
What makes me feel weird is that, at first, I was gendered correctly,
*hugs* for the harassment.
As for being read, remember that they read you correctly at first. You are passing. Crazy as that sounds, take that as a positive. You are passing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Succubus
Can I offer a suggestion? I really enjoy your blog - why not do an article in the form of a letter to these obnoxious jerks? What they did, how they made you feel, why what they did hurt you so much. It might be cathartic and offer insight for cis people.
I second this.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MuffinPuffin
Spoiler: Mope
Show
Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry, no rape joke was my intention, just trying to be silly.
Maybe I should leave this thread, I can't do anything right.
I can't give advice, I'm creepy when I try to fit in, and the only advice i'd want right now... probably isn't the best to ask for.
No, the rape joke was me and Siuis. I would advise that you listen to the wise ladies and gents here, especially Lentrax who basically won the thread with her answer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Enrico Dandolo
Hugs, please?
*hugs* I wish I was there to hold you and tell you I would protect you, but given the price of airplane tickets... get a cat. It's pretty much my panacea around here.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Asta Kask
No, the rape joke was me and Siuis. I would advise that you listen to the wise ladies and gents here, especially Lentrax who basically won the thread with her answer.
I was alluding to just a vicious beating, myself, but it seems no one here has ever made a flog out of shredded rubber hose and never had lemon juice get into an open wound. *shrug*
Then again, I'm pretty certain "I'll beat you with a rubber hose" is a very America-centric threat, so it's probably not filtered into the group consciousness as background noise, kind of like how most cities in the world aren't designed with automobiles in mind like they are in America.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
News from Charing Cross! They're hoping to start processing appointments again from next week! I should expect to get my appointment by - wait for it -
July.
That's right, they're hoping to get me my appointment 13 months after I was referred.
I'm not even in the worst boat. They're processing referrals from last April, May and June in that window. There will have been people waiting 15 months.
Wow.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
News from Charing Cross! They're hoping to start processing appointments again from next week! I should expect to get my appointment by - wait for it -
July.
That's right, they're hoping to get me my appointment 13 months after I was referred.
I'm not even in the worst boat. They're processing referrals from last April, May and June in that window. There will have been people waiting 15 months.
Wow.
Suddenly the three months I've gone without hearing jack from my psychiatrist doesn't seem too bad.
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
News from Charing Cross! They're hoping to start processing appointments again from next week! I should expect to get my appointment by - wait for it -
July.
That's right, they're hoping to get me my appointment 13 months after I was referred.
I'm not even in the worst boat. They're processing referrals from last April, May and June in that window. There will have been people waiting 15 months.
Wow.
Yay?
I really am happy for you Tamsin, though it really is still ridiculous it took them this long to get to anyone, let alone multiple people...
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Re: LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
News from Charing Cross! They're hoping to start processing appointments again from next week! I should expect to get my appointment by - wait for it -
July.
That's right, they're hoping to get me my appointment 13 months after I was referred.
I'm not even in the worst boat. They're processing referrals from last April, May and June in that window. There will have been people waiting 15 months.
Wow.
Bleh, at least's there's progress now.