Ironically enough, in Palladium Fantasy, trolls are noted as having a particular taste for gnomes. They love them. So gnomes ARE what's for dinner, whenever they can.
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1187) Elf is not "the other white meat"
1188) Nor is the flesh of any other sapient species.
1189) Especially not dwarf.
1190) The wearbear is definitely not driving.
1191) Invoking rule 1190 does not mean the halfling gets to drive, either.
1192- there will be no interaction between the DM and the barbarian involving suggestive material
1193- ...even if the character the DM is currently being is a sex-fiend of the opposite gender of the DM
1194-...ESPECIALLY if the DM is good at acting (shiver).
1195- i dont care what your motivation, if you save an orphan it will hug you
1196- and it does not provide an attack of opportunity
1197- and returning the hug does not result in a grapple check
1198- nor can you use it to crush the orphan to death.
1199- Riddick is not a playable class
1200- neither is he a race
1201- being a bald humanoid with supperior streangth, dex, and nightvision does not make you automaticly provicient with tea cups.
1202- if your alignment is good, you cannot cut someones heart out with a teacup in a barfight
1203. The Paladin does not understand sarcasm.
1204. The Paladin's special mount is not to be refered to as "good eatin'."
1204a. Even if your character is French.
1205. Rabbit is not an acceptable nickname for an Elf.
1206. Good characters are not allowed to start dead pools.
1207. The elf is not "acceptable losses," particularly while he still lives.
1208. Never let your entire party take a language you don't have.
1209. You may not worship the Wizard that did it.
1210. You may not worship a party member's familiar.
1211. You may not worship the lucky rocket ship underpants.
1212. You may not model your character around Joseph Stalin.
1213. You may not exploit your DM's shaky grasp of history.
1214. You may not teach a young child that "Hastur" is a term of endearment.
1215. You may not rename your NPC torchbearer.
1216. The arguement "they're just NPCs" does not work circumvent a good alignment.
1217. Elmers is not an acceptable name for a mount.
1218. Naming a riding dog after an unatractive female PC is very bad manners.
1219. The dwarf already is embarased about riding a pony, don't rub it in.
1220. Don't blaime the rouge before disdcovering his guilt.
1221. When the henchman asks if you'd raise him if he dies don't respond with: "Hah! That's a good one!"
1222. No god has hypocracy in its portfolio.
1222. "Rocks fall! Everyone dies!" is not an acceptable end for a campaign.SpoilerI'm looking at you, Obsidian.
1223-There is no spell, summon girlfriend
1224-If you do get away with the spell don't complain when it summons a orc.
1225-You may not play the world's prettiest orc bard, especialy if hes males.
1226-If you roll a natural one you may not choose how you fumble, especialy if the game does not use fumble rules
1227-The solution is not now, nor is it ever, I pull down my pants and moon them.
1228-There is no patron saint of nudity.
1229-Put down the damn rat flail.
1230-You may not play a monty python viking.
1231-There is no good time to start singing the spam song.
1232-I don't care how high your bluff was, hes not going to beleive the parrot is alive.
1233-No more watching monty python before gaming.
1234-May not read lists of things other people arn't allowed to do during gaming specificly to get ideas.
1235-I may not use all my skill points of professions.
1236-Especialy if I'm the party rogue
1237-Profession(theif) is not substitute for disable device, open lock, hide and move silently.
1238-My hand is *not* possesed by a evil spirt, nor may I replace it with a chainsaw.
1239-Though the rules allow it it is rather disturbing when you play a troll who only eats through self-cannibalization.
1240: Not allowed to impersonate an IRS agent to infiltrate a camp in the middle of nowhere.
1241: Not allowed to complain when the successful IRS bluff produces murderous desires in the target.
1242: Not allowed to switch to publisher's clearing house agent when the IRS bluff falls through.
1243: Not allowed to bribe the soldiers with a poorly forged check when there's no bank for a hundred miles in any direction.
1244: There is no XP for burning a wicker dragon.
1245: There is, apparently, an auto-pickpocket mode on some kender models.
1246: While not forbidden, appealing to the fanatical black dragon's scrupulous sense of fair play is... unwise.
1247: Closing your eyes and opening them will not make the monster go away.
1248: The zombie routine never works.
1249: Oi! Is not sufficient apology for burning the camp to the ground.
1250: The temple is not dragonproof.
1251: There are no compromises concerning Otiluke's Resilient Sphere.
1252: Not allowed to attack the darkness, especially if the only thing in the darkness is a PC.
1253: Not allowed to burst out laughing when I see the gazebo.
1254: Not allowed to have the the battle cry "Kazam! Wait... hit the Deck!"
1255: Not allowed to take credit for bringing the gods back into the universe after having done everything possible to prevent it.
1256: Not allowed to hijack the role of the plot-critical NPC.
1257: Setting a readied action to shoot what comes out of the well will not help if there is no longer a well.
1258: The warchanter in full plate will not out-grace the wizard or the rogue.
1259: Explosive enemies do not make good cushions.
1260: There is a fine line between taking it and taking them.
1261: Not allowed to Phantasmal Killer a PC for "failing to get eaten properly."
1262: May not say "BOOM! Headshot!" after using the wand of lightning.
1263: Shaking hands while under the effect of shocking grasp isn't a "joy buzzer" prank... it's homicide.
1263a: Although it was pretty funny.
1264: Looting the temple of the goddess you just resurrected is not the smart thing to do.
1262: Not allowed to keep a dice roll that hit a pencil before stopping. Only applies while I'm the DM.
1263: Not allowed to form plans without telling the rest of the party what it's for.
1264: I may not create traps in a dungeon while I'm "scouting ahead."
1268. You may not start a level one fighter with thirty quarterstaves.
1268a. Even if they are free.
1268b. The same goes for carrying 5000 holly and mistletoe.
1269. There is no feat Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Zombie).
1270. You cannot use Sudden Strike to "subdue" a guard.
1270a. Especially when you specify you are activating Vicious on your shortsword as well.
1271. You may not kill the dragon by using Create Water, followed by Lightning Bolt, while all the other players are standing on top of the dragon.
I wasn't the DM at the time. The person DMing loved creative spell mixes, so he allowed it that time. Until the party pointed out they were standing on top of the thing to try to avoid the tail sweep...
We lost three people that fight. Two from the lightning bolt, and one from the annoyed party members after the fight. (This wasn't the first time he'd tried to kill us...)
I was waiting for a catgirl reference, though.
<screaming catgirl in the distance> [Added at the request of Khantalas]
From the SRD...
No mention of de-ionized, denaturalized, demineralized, or any other form of deconductive-ized. Just potable, zot-able water.Quote:
This spell generates wholesome, drinkable water, just like clean rain water. Water can be created in an area as small as will actually contain the liquid, or in an area three times as large—possibly creating a downpour or filling many small receptacles.
But there was a spell that creates pure water. I'm sure of it.
It may not be Create Water, but it's out there somewhere.
Purify food and drink, maybe?Quote:
But there was a spell that creates pure water. I'm sure of it.
(Side note for the catgirl: Drinkable water is not de-ionized. If you drink de-ionized, de-mineralized, etc etc, pure H2O, you'll get sick.)
1272. May not sew one's severed hands back with one's mouth. Especially if he doesn't have any ranks in profession (sewing), nor has a needle.
1273. After being exiled is is considered bad manners to stick your tongue out to the jury.
1274. These two goes double if you made your good-aligned ranger attack the respected archdruid of your forest.
Of course, as someone else pointed out, if it is every time, it is a constant, and thus a universal law of physics. Which means merely talking about it kills even more catgirls ad infinitum.
well, who really likes catgirls anyway? i mean really.
:thog: thog love catgirls. yum yum.
XXXX. Not allowed to build a power plant using fire/cold/lighting spells. Even if I max my Profession: engineer skill.
1276. Saves Against Box Text may only be made after sacrificing minions
1277. Shapechanging back into dragon form is not an instant kill when the Red Juvenile tries to swallow me. Even if it is a broken over advanced character.
1278. My followers should not start singing when facing evil dragons. Especially not heavy metal songs. Particularly not the 'When the Dragon Lies Bleeding"
1279. I should not introduce taxes when abusing Leadership.
1280. Next time, we don't send the good aligned characters and dragons when sending the evil Vampire to neogtiate with Demons.
1281. Never ask what the gnomes are planning to do next to their ship.
1282. Never have my mount try to force a stuck door. Especially not when I'm doing the same thing from the other side.
1283. No more games of War using the Deck of Many Things. It cheats.
1284. Should not teach the animal companions to caw Flight of the Valkyries when they go on bombing runs.
1285. Never be in the line of fire for a gnome ship.
1286. Never grapple the bad guy when the gnomes are about to test their surface to air missiles.
1287. Don't keep repeating the same spell combinations. After a while we will meet a monster immune to all of them.
1288. I can not maintain a neutral alignment while wielding evil artifacts and pieces of dead monsters. Especially not while plotting to over throw the Dwarf Nation.
1289. I did not meet a new Dwarven god named Rockallah. Nor am I his new prophet Glinhammed.
1290. Do not stand in front of the geomancer while's she's casting spells.Especailly the AoE ones.
1291. Monkey Grip is a terrible feat. I will not take it again, even if it can be horribly abused.
1292. I will not talk a DM into allowing me to scribe third level or lower scrolls for free again.
1293. I can no longer use Summon Undead Three to summon a Large Undead Red Dragon. Nor can I go through the MM and customize undead.
1294. I should not introduce a new a Good aligned noble to compete with the Evil Geomancer to see whether or not I can aquire more followers then her.
1295. No more using followers to create accounting firms, especially not if my Cohort is named Meryll Lynch.
1296. Not allowed to travel to another dimension, yell "reboot!" and expect something good to happen.
1297. If something good does happen, the next word out of my mouth should most certainly not be "Alphanumeric!"
1298. Under no circumstance am I allowed to ra*e, sack, pillage, burn or eat the babies.
1299. Bob Saget is not an acceptable villian
1300. Neither is he an acceptable character name
1301. Petting the guardian sphinx and calling her a "kitty" is not allowed.
1302. The race card does not work.
1303. There will be NO mention of a gazebo.
1304. When you defeat the mighty dragon, one and only one victory lap is in order. Seventeen is right out.
1305. Saying "Ni" to an enemy knight is considered bad form.
1306. Actually, referencing anything from Monty Python is bad form. (It's a dead horse people, let it go.)
1307. "But I'm CN" is never an acceptable argument.
1308. I will not obliterate any more bandit camps with 'Explosive Rune Pamphlets.'
1309. No more singing, "I'm Too Dextrous for My (Chain) Shirt."
i totally disagree with this one. i play in a campaign where we use major and minor alignments, wherein im major chaotic and minor neutral, which means that if its not random its probably not in character. so "im cn" is totally a good excuse.Quote:
1307. "But I'm CN" is never an acceptable argument.
also, as a side note, CN is the chemical symbol for cyanide. anyone else find this funny?