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Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Welcome to the Crack Pairings thread. Lawyers inform me to warn you that this thread may require brain bleach. But what do they know?
When posting a pairing, please at least try to do something with it. We like it when people try!
Should you wish to roll a pairing, Sgeo coded up a roller for us. If you want that personal touch, go roll on the tables, or make up your own pairing!
Banners!
Spoiler
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Zanaril's
Funky Goose's
Discord's
Tables!
Spoiler
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Initial Table
Roll 2d4 (or more!) decide which tables to pick the characters from.
- OotS Table 1
- OotS Table 2
- OotS Table 3
- OotS Table 4
Table 1 - By Minion992929
- Roy
- Durkon
- Celia
- Xykon
- Tsukiko
- Vaarsuvius
- Monster in The Dark
- Miko
- Nale
- Elan
- Haley
- Belkar
- Lord Shojo
- Redcloak
- Hinjo
- Daigo
- Kazumi
- Inkyrius
- Roll again twice
- Roll again and switch gender
Table 2 - By Minion 992929
- The Guy with a halberd
- Sarah Greenhilt
- Haley's dad
- Thanh
- Julio Scoundrél
- Mr. Rodriguez
- Horace Greenhilt
- Therkla
- Zz'Dtri
- YokYok
- Leeky Windstaff
- The Cliffport chief of police
- Windstriker
- Jirix
- Lien
- Argent
- Yor
- Roll again twice
- Roll again on twice on Initial Table
- Roll again and switch gender
Table 3 - By Minion992929
- Soon Kim (incorporeal)
- Shadowdancer
- Hilgya
- Dorukan
- Bozzok
- Crystal
- Bandit King
- Ancient Black Dragon
- O-Chul
- The Snarl
- The Eye of Fear and Flame
- Lord Kubota
- Thog
- Julia Greenhilt
- Belkar
- The oracle
- Jephton/Haerta/Ganneron
- Roll again twice on Initial Table
- Roll again twice
- Roll again and switch gender
Table 4 - By Minion 992929
- The dragon's hoard
- The chimera
- The really dangerous trap
- Roy's Archon
- The Hydra
- Teevo
- Xykon's zombie dragon head
- Roy's sword
- The entire Hobgoblin army
- The orc chieftain
- The IFCC
- Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might
- Mr Scruffy
- Hieronymus Grubwiggler
- All of the Demon Roaches at once
- Bone golem Roy
- Roll again twice
- Roll again on Tables 1, 2, and 3
- Roll again twice on Initial Table
- Roll again and switch gender
Supplemental Plot Devices (Optional!) - By Nerdanel
- Unrequited love
- Love potion
- Drunkenness
- Snowed in
- Stuck on a desert island
- In the afterlife
- Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens)
- True love
- Love/hate relationship
- Adultery
- Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)
- Pink frills and white lace
- French maid costume
- Police/military uniform
- High heels and black leather
- American high school setting
- Someone is a vampire
- Everyone is a furry version of themselves
- Kidnapped (By somebody inside or outside of the pairing)
- Roll again twice
Of course, feel free to make up your own pairings!
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
MikoxV. But V is genderflipped. :smalleek:
BelkarxMitDxCelia. O.o
ElanxTsukiko. No.
MitDxMiko. Weird, but I guess we'd get to see what MitD looks like. Unless Miko doesn't let you keep the lights on. :smalltongue:
NalexElan. OK I'm done.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
RoyxBelkar... I won't do this.
HaleyxElan... reroll
TsukikoxDurkon... seems okay I guess. Warning: Might contain squick.
Spoiler
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Tsukiko kills Durkon. Tsukiko raises Durkon as some sort of sentient Undead. She starts an affair with Durkon in order to make Xykon jealous. During their relationship she develops real romantic feelings for him but still lusts after Xykon. A lot of wacky comedy happens and in the end, when everything is resolved and Tsukiko finds out that the only thing she really wanted was a threesome with Durkon and Xykon, everyone is devoured by the Snarl. The End.
I feel horrible now
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I rolled Gender-Flipped Vaarsuvius and my browser crashed. :smalleek:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Starscream
I rolled Gender-Flipped Vaarsuvius and my browser crashed. :smalleek:
Ah, I forgot to figure out how to prevent that.
They say trying to Gender-flip V is worse than dividing by zero whilst being roundhouse falcon kicked by Chuck Norris.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I have gotten 4 rerolls so far... uh, this will be terrifying.
..!
(I edited that because I realised I did it wrong, ok, REAL RESULTS HERE):
Elan on Miko on Dajio on female Elan on Xykon action!
Do not want. :smalleek:
Ok, so.
Uh.
Nope, I can't even figure out how to do this. I'm just not that... 'creative.'
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Xykon/Celia
After a long day of spying on the order of the stick, celia went to xykon's tower and he ****ed her brains out. The end.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Genderflipped Mobster in the ParkxDurkon
XykonxV
DurkonxKazumi and Elan
MitDxKazumi
Sabinexfemale Durkon
Nale and SabinexBelkar
Xykonxmale Miko
... I'm having far too much fun with this.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Nobody is taking my fanfic challenge! I need to do this tomorrow after bed tonight...
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
14 and 6 means..... Daigo and Elan. :eek:
I don't think I can do anything unless the pairing is cross gender, so I'll summarize this one and move to the next.
Spoiler
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Kazumi is sapped and she and the unborn child are locked in a closet while Elan and Daigo take care of *whatever*, she wakes up, breaks down the door, beats them both unconscious in less than 15 seconds.
Let's try again..... 14 and 13 puts us with Miko and Daigo.
Alright, this works better, we'll flip back about 300 panels to when Miko was only mostly crazy and Daigo didn't have a name yet. Warning: probably not safe for work/school/children/your local necromancy cult
Spoiler
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Right outside Miko's quarters
Shojo: Miko, Mr. Scruffy wants to know why you are still here.
:miko: My lord. Surely you must recognize that I need to make absolutely certain I am fully prepared to capture the evil Order of the Stick, so that I might-
Shojo: Playing with Mr. Scruffy Oh, you're a good kitty, aren't you? :smalltongue:
:miko: Sir? :smallconfused:
Shojo: Just make sure to bring them back, alive. Mr Scruffy won't have corpses littering these new rugs we've put out, now will he?
:miko: Yes sir. If you will excuse me, I must finish.
Shojo: Of course. Come on Mr. Scruffy, I hear they're serving tuna today! And for dessert, they're serving a large vanilla cake with strawberry frosting!
They leave.
Miko watches them leave, and then motions to a nameless soldier.
:miko: Get over here.
Soldier: Oh! You must be Miko the paladin. I've heard.............. stories about you.
:miko: Listen carefully. I am in a compromising position. It seems that due to a massive influx of hormones, I am in no position to leave tonight and capture the Order of the Stick. :smallannoyed: However, I intend in no way to delay my hunt to next week.
Soldier: I don't think I understand.
:miko: You are a man. I am a woman. Surely you understand the natural relation that exists between us.
Soldier: I... Are you asking me to sleep with you? :smalleek:
:miko: I wouldn't refer to it as such, but I suppose that is the case.
Soldier: But surely the twelve gods would frown upon such scandalous behavior exhibited by an Azure Paladin?
:miko: This action is the most expeditious method by which I would carry out their will. Indeed, this is the will of the gods, that is, for their chosen one to consummate her human flaws with that of another.
In Miko's room
Soldier: Oh, this is so hot, Miko.
:miko: I do feel as though my temperature has gone up, yes.
Soldier: Oh Miko, I......... Um........
:miko: :smallconfused:
Soldier: Um........ :smalleek:
:miko: :smallconfused:
Soldier: .................
:miko: :smalleek:
Soldier: .................
:miko: :smallfurious:
Soldier: Um......... I'm sorry? :smallfrown:
:miko: :smallfurious: GET OUT OF MY ROOM. NOW. She grabs her sword from her nightstand.
Soldier: :smalleek: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! He runs out of the room, grabbing his underwear.
:miko: :smallannoyed:................................ Apparently I have to take care of this myself.
End.
I think there's something wrong with me.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Hay you tried.
Have a cookie.
Just hope that in my tired stupor I didn't accidentally poison it.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Dark Fiddle
Have a cookie.
*numnumnumnumnumnum* :smallbiggrin:
Incidentally, kudos to the Giant for improving the server. It isn't perfect yet, but this one alone has almost eliminated the problems I've been facing when posting. I had to preview it like ten times while writing it so I wouldn't log, and had no delays any of those times.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Xesirin
Spoiler
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Soldier: Oh, this is so hot, Miko.
:miko: I do feel as though my temperature has gone up, yes.
Soldier: Oh Miko, I......... Um........
:miko: :smallconfused:
Soldier: Um........ :smalleek:
:miko: :smallconfused:
Soldier: .................
:miko: :smalleek:
Soldier: .................
:miko: :smallfurious:
Soldier: Um......... I'm sorry? :smallfrown:
:miko: :smallfurious: GET OUT OF MY ROOM. NOW. She grabs her sword from her nightstand.
Soldier: :smalleek: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! He runs out of the room, grabbing his underwear.
:miko: :smallannoyed:................................ Apparently I have to take care of this myself.
End.
I think there's something wrong with me.
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Poor Miko.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I got DurkonXDurkon... No. Even with gender-flipping. (4,4)
MikoXDurkon. Maybe.(13,4)
BelkarXHaley. Maybe.(3,5)
KazumiXDurkon. I think my D20 is broken, what's with all these fours?(20,15,4)
MikoXTsuikoXXykon. (20,13, 11, 9)
CeliaXRedcloak. (16,10) This one deserves a better writer then me.
Ok, I'll do the second one.
Miko ran her hand through her dark hair, closing her eyes. She was lost, and there was no one to guide her. She had found the order as Lord Shojo had ordered, but her life had begun to get complicated. To her, there had always been good and evil. Something was right, or it wasn't. Compromise was not something that had a place in her life, and until meeting the order she had been secure in this. Now she wasn't so sure.
She thought Roy was a good man, or at least he tried to be, and yet he willfully fraternized with the unsaved. The wizard was prideful, arrogant and condescending, and if not for the urgency of her mission Miko would have enjoyed watching the effects of her hubris. The rogue was a self-confessed criminal, greedy and self-centred to a fault, who the twelve gods had no doubt a special fate in store for. And then there was the halfling, a narcistic psychopath whose existence made Miko question what she had always considered beyond doubt, that there was good in the universe.
And yet, despite this, they seemed to achieve more good then the Saphire guard, in helping the helpless, for the most part without expecting recompense.
"What's got ye worried, lass?" Said a voice, deep and rich behind her. And then there was Durkon. Of them all, the dwarfs inherent goodness shined like a light. In a way she envied him, for the ease in which he found living to his values and morals, and the easy faith he held in his god. She herself found faith with little trouble, but she agonised for hours over her purpose, while he had no such troubles.
"Nothing." She said, a little to quickly, brushing a stray hair from her forehead.
"I dinnae believe that, lass. Ye've been silent now, fer close to an hour."
Miko looked down at his calm, honest earnest expression, totally without guile, his dark eyes twinkling behind his thick beard.
Miko opened her mouth, then closed it. She suddenly felt a bit flushed, and didn't know what to say. Sensing her worry with surprising insight, Durkon wrapped a brawny arm around her shoulders.
Surprising herself, Miko accomodated the dwarf, making room for him to sit next to her. "I'm... lost." She said, unused to admitting weakness. She had been raised to be hard, both in the monestry and the Sapphire Guard, and it had been a surprise to find she was considered quite feminine when taken outside this context.
Durkon inclined his head. "Well lass, don't let that bother ye. Tha' god's have a plan fer each o' us, but dinnae expect tae fall into it. Just live yer life as best ye can, and sooner or later ye'll find yer way." He soothed, his hand unconsciously stroking her hair. She nestled against him, and slowly began to relax. At last he removed his arm and slipped away.
"Don't go." She murmered, a slight plea in her tone. "Please. I don't want to be alone."
He turned, and for a second she looked very small, a little girl in a women's body.
"I trust you Durkon. Please. Stay a while."
Sorry, I have to stop writing this before my brain spontaneously combusts.
Here is the Belkar/Haley.
:haley: Ooooh, weapon shrinkage.
:belkar::furious: Well, I didn't want to, anyway.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
You call THIS crack pairings? XD Crack pairings are supposed to induce Will saves against Insanity, their very concept must be so horrible that anyone who hears of them will immediately commit suicide out of a complete loss of faith in humanity!
How about this?
Mr. Scruffy/The Snarl
Spoiler
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The small white cat mewed meekly as he struggled against his chain. A blush glowed under his soft white fur as he gazed up. The Azure City Gate was gone and in its place was a tear in the fabric of the universe... It had grown so large, mesmerizing the eye as it pulsated with passionate energies. As it suddenly noticed him, the pulsation stopped briefly, then recommenced at a greater speed. Slowly but steadily, the Snarl extended one gnarled paw through the rift, reaching towards the white feline...
Ancient Black Dragon/Inkyrius
Spoiler
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"No, STOP!" Inkyrius screamed. The dragon raised her head, her attention no longer on the children for a moment as she regarded the elf with dark curiosity. "Please, don't hurt them! Anything but that!" Kyrie pleaded, frantically searching the dragon's red eyes for mercy and finding none. "Please, let them live! Take me instead!"
"How touching," the dragon grunted with amusement. "But you make an interesting proposition, and perhaps I may be persuaded to disregard my revenge, for a certain price..."
"What is it you ask? I will do anything!"
"Oh, I am sure you will. I doubt your dear purple-haired spouse would approve, but that makes my revenge all the sweeter..."
Thus saying, the dragon leaned close and whispered, "Acid Immunity."
IFCC Fiends/The Chimera Trigak
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"...And after we had torn ourselves free of the tentacles, the halfling got the jump on us and killed us."
"Fascinating," Cedrik muttered. "However, this tells us little about the Order that we did not already know - although it IS interesting that the elf knows that spell - so I'm afraid you'll be off to the Lemure Pit once we're done."
"We COULD put the Chimera to better use," Lee interjected.
"Precisely," Nero agreed. "We're always on the lookout for new employees, after all. So allow us to make you an offer - you support us in our scheme, and in exchange we provide you with a far more pleasant fate than what befalls most of those who are damned to the Lower Planes."
"*Additional terms of service and payment to be specified at a later date," Cedrik and Lee muttered in unison.
"What sort of service are you looking for?" the Chimera asked, all three heads showing curiosity and slight suspicion.
"Oh, the usual sort.... Espionage, retrieval missions, escort, assassinations...." Lee replied in a steady drawl.
"Additionally, there may be some other ways you could be of use to us," Nero added. At the surprised glances from his colleagues and the confused expressions of the Chimera, he shrugged. "What? There are three of us and three of them."
Bandit Leader/Rhino out of Roy's Bag of Tricks
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...You know what? I'm not touching this one.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Kaytara, you are right.
Roll twice on the first table, then do as instructed.
1 Innitial table
2 Pathetic table
3 lightweight table
4 heavyweight table
1 Roy
2 Durkon
3 Celia
4 Xykon
5 Tsuiko
6 Vaarsuvius
7 Monster in The Dark
8 Miko
9 Nale
10 Elan
11 Haley
12 Belkar
13 Lord Shojo
14 Redcloak
15 Hinjo
16 Diago
17 Kazumi
18 Inkyrius
19 Roll again twice
20 Genderswitch (If Vaarsuvius, roll again)
Pathetic table
1 The guy with The halberd
2 Sarah Greenhilt
3 Haley's dad
4 Tanh
5 Julio Scoundrel
6 Mr Rodrigez
7 Horace Greenhilt
8 Therkla
9 Zzz'Dtri
10 YokYok
11 Leeky Windstaff
12 The Cliffport chief of police
13 Windstriiker
14 Jirix
15 Lien
16 Argent
17 Yor
18 Roll again twice
19 Roll again on the lightweight table
20 Genderswitch (If Vaarsuvius, roll again)
Lightweight Table
1 Soon Kim (incorporeal)
2 Shadowdancer
3 Hilga (If Durkon, roll again)
4 Durokan
5 Bozzok
6 Crystal
7 Bandit King
8 Ancient Black Dragon
9 O-Chul
10 The Snarl
11 The Eye of Fear and Flame
12 Lord Kabuto
13 Thog
14 Julia Greenhilt
15 Belkar
16 The oracle
17 Jephton/Haetra/Ganneron
18 Add a random template to one of the characters
19 Roll again twice
20 Switch to the Heavyweight table
Heavyweight Table
1 The dragon's hoard
2 The chimera
3 The really dangerous trap
4 Roy's Archon
5 The Hydra
6 Teevo
7 Xykon's zombie dragon head
8 Roy's sword
9 The entire Hobgoblin army
10 The orc chieftain
11 The IFCC
12 Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might
13 Mr Scruffy
14 Hieronymus Grubwiggler
15 All of the Demon Roaches at once
16 Flesh golem Roy
17 Roll again on any table but spell characters name wrong
18 Roll again three times
19 Roll again on all of the tables, and add each character you roll to the pairing
20 Genderswitch (If Vaarsuvius, roll again)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
How's that? I tried to tone it down a little, we don't want to psychologically scar people who don't do it to themselves
I got InkyriusXBozzok (18,5)
Spoiler
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The sort of masculine looking feminine elf eyed the enormous figure before him. "But I can't pay you!" it wailed. "My Mate has take our earnings to help master the way of magic.
Bozzok shook his head. "Then I will have to take it some other way. I am not running a charity."
Inkyrius eyed the adopted progeny seated nervously on the half-orcs powerful thigh. Rubbing their hair with a strong, calloused hand, the Half-orc leered at him. "Nothing personal." He gloated, reaching for the immense bastard sword hanging on his hip.
"Please don't. Please."
"I'm not much for mercy."
"I'll do anything."
With exaggerated care, the half-orc put the children aside. "That's what I was waiting for.
Suddenly leaping to his feet he shoved the elf against the wall, The hair on his weather-beaten chin pricking Inkyrius like wires. "I'll take anything then." Said Bozzok nibbling the elf's ear. Inkyrius shuddered, but the half-orc ignored him, running his sandpaper hands down the smooth muscles on Inkyrius's belly. "Try to relax..."
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Wouldn't you need an elaborate grouping of successive tables like in older editions of the game?
Like starting with a d4:
1- Male
2- Female
3- Gender agnostic/neutral
4- Reroll
Then each of those leads to a table with the appropriate persons on it.
Example, Roy would appear on both Male and Female tables, while V would appear on Table 3, along with any monsters or other creature that do not have a clearly defined gender.
Oh well I rolled on the initial tables and ended up with: 17,16,8; then 17,15,5
So I ended up with:
Celia x Sabine x Kazumi x Haley
:smalleek:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
That would be fun...
Mine ae all either really awkward or physically impossible.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
With the improved tables I got:
Chimera/Kubota/Ancient Black Dragon.
That's far more crack-worthy than the semi-plausible Celia/Daigo I got from the table in the first post.
Trying again with the improved table:
IFCC/Belkar/Haley.
And again:
Yor/Jephton/Haerta/Ganonron
Still again:
O'chul the Death Knight/Inkyrius.
Hey, this works!:smallbiggrin:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I got The Entire Hobgoblin Army x Celia. :smalleek:
That would not be pleasant for our favorite outsider.
Did it the second time and got:
Tsukiko x Oracle x Daigo x Sarah Greenhilt.
Well at least Sarah Greenhilt would probably go for it.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I decided to do a supplemental table:
Roll 1d20 for a plot device to spice up your pairing:
1. One-sided love
2. Love potion
3. Being very drunk
4. Snowed in
5. Stuck on a desert island
6. In the afterlife
7. Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens)
8. True love
9. Love/hate relationship
10. Adultery
11. Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)
12. Pink frills and white lace
13. French maid costume
14. Police/military uniform
15. High heels and black leather
16. American high school setting
17. Someone is a vampire
18. Everyone is a furry version of themselves
19. Something not PG enough to mention on this board
20. Roll again twice
For example, my first attempt resulted in pairing Windstriker/the really dangerous trap using drunkenness as a plot device. The things a paladin horse can do while really drunk...:smallbiggrin:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Now try writing them. It's surprisingly fun.
Rolling again
Horace Greenhilt and Xykon.(7,4) Deserves better attention then I can give it.
O-Chul and Thog. OK, I got this. (I rolled Highschool setting, but no. No on so many levels).
Spoiler
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"So What are you here for?" Asked the bearded man, his bare chest covered with ropey scars and burns, and other, fresher wounds. His beard was filthy and matted with dirt and clots of his own blood, but his dark eyes still burned with a defiance that could never be extinguished.
"thog got lost, nale gone, talky skelington find thog, he say me look like minion mat-eri-al." Thog replied, his brow creased with the intellectual effort of dredging up memories. "he say there ice cream. And puppies." The barbarian continued, a happy smile revealing the childlike simplicity behind the brutish exterior.
O-Chul let out a short, barking laugh. "There is nothing here but gruel and darkness, my friend. But your welcome to it."
The big half-orc squatted down next to him. "me not hungry now. thog miss leprechaun costume."
O'Chul blinked, then shrugged. Why not?
"me like you. you not talky. you listen to thog." The barbarian said, coming in and hugging the paladin. For a second O-Chul flinched, expecting he was about to be attacked, but then shrugged and hugged the barbarian awkwardly.
"Even Nale not make Thog feel this way." Said Thog, sliding his hands towards the paladins perfect butt.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I got BelkarxVxMiko as furries. My brain is melting out of my ears.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Minion992929
How's that? I tried to tone it down a little, we don't want to psychologically scar people who don't do it to themselves
If they don't want the mental scarring then they shouldn't click on the thread title. What else do they expect?!
BTW, your first one is even more disturbing when you realise the kids are still there. I commend you! :smallamused:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kaytara
Ancient Black Dragon/Inkyrius
Spoiler
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"No, STOP!" Inkyrius screamed. The dragon raised her head, her attention no longer on the children for a moment as she regarded the elf with dark curiosity. "Please, don't hurt them! Anything but that!" Kyrie pleaded, frantically searching the dragon's red eyes for mercy and finding none. "Please, let them live! Take me instead!"
"How touching," the dragon grunted with amusement. "But you make an interesting proposition, and perhaps I may be persuaded to disregard my revenge, for a certain price..."
"What is it you ask? I will do anything!"
"Oh, I am sure you will. I doubt your dear purple-haired spouse would approve, but that makes my revenge all the sweeter..."
Thus saying, the dragon leaned close and whispered, "Acid Immunity."
And that's why, a few decades later, we have a half-elf half-dragon running/flying around. Makes you wonder about the mechanics involved.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Thank you. I just realized that myself. Adds a whole new level of depravity, doesn't it? Well, I'm not changing it, if that's what you mean.
Hey, I just got the orc chieftain and Sarah Greenhilt.
:thog: and that's where thog's come from.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Minion992929
Thank you. I just realized that myself. Adds a whole new level of depravity, doesn't it? Well, I'm not changing it, if that's what you mean.
I wouldn't want you to. :smalltongue:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
4 (heavyweight), 17 (choose heavyweight), 18, 10, 12, 17 (choose lightweight), 9
1 (innitial), 1
Plot device: 13
So, apparently I've got Orc CheftianxGiant DurcenxO-ChoolxRoy with a french maid costume as a plot device... I wouldn't write this if you paid me for it.
TsukikoxLord Kubota stuck on a desert island
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Tsukiko's diary day 9
I'm stuck for more than a week on this lame island in the middle of nowhere. My flight and teleport spells don't seem to work here, so there's not much I can do about it now. Today some aristocrat shmuck named Daimyo Kubota was got washed ashore. He gave a long boring speach about some boring plan of his that had failed. He wouldn't stop talking for hours, so I cracked his skull open with a rock and raised him as a zombie - at least I'll have something to entertain myself with for as long as I'm stuck here.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Wow, that gives brain bleach a whole new meaning.
Mr Rodrigez, Roy, Sarah Greenhilt (Unpleasant connotations there), Crystal and The Dragon’s hoard (6,19,1,6,8,1) (Love Potion)
Horace Greenhilt and genderswitched Bozzok. (13,20,5) (1-sided love)
Therkla and Crystal (8,6) Ok, I can do this. (20,19,15,)
Spoiler
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Therkla woke up, totally nude. Most people would be embarrassed or self-conscious, but Therkla paid it no mind. After all, she was in excellent shape, and had won Ms Ironclaw Tribe pageant three times before her parents had come to azure city. What did she have to worry about?
Beside her was another girl, slightly slimmer but yet to fill out as far. Her face was long and narrow, and her hair had been cut so it only brushed the tips of her ears. Therkla found herself staring at the woman's full lips, wondering what they tasted like, but shook her head. That ship had sailed.
Walking over through the otherwise featureless room, she came at last to a wardrobe, where she searched for something that she could wear comfortably. Unfortunately, whoever owned this room seemed to have taken fashion advice from Mistress of pain, and all there was were tight leather bustiers made for someone two sizes too small. Squishing her boobs painfully she forced herself into the corset, then looked around for something else. At last she found a miniskirt, which she figured was better then nothing, and slid it on. Then she turned back to her bed partner, paying close attention to her long, lean form. A slow smile began to slide over her face. Taking a riding crop from the top shelf, as well as a few other choice "Toys" (She had exotic 'weapon' proficiency "Far East," and plenty of ranks in 'Use device') She walked over to the girl. Standing over to her, she slapped the crop on her thigh. "Wake up." She said with a sultry smirk. "I've got something for you.
(Eventually they decide to team up and take out Haley so Therkla can get Elan.)
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
CeliaxGender flipped Celia
...
Not touching that one.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
EvilDMMk3
CeliaxGender flipped Celia
...
Not touching that one.
Wimp!
I got MiTDxEntitre Hobgoblin Army One-Sided.
Woah. The new table IS way better than mine.
Spoiler
Show
"C'mon, it's time for some exercise." The hobgoblin said, tossing the umbrella into the cage. "Tell me when you've got it working."
"It's kind of hard to tell when I'm in the darkness..." The hobgoblin rolled his eyes and opened the cage.
"Only stick the umbrella out, Redcloak don't want you to be revealed to ANYBODY. Yet." He chuckled slightly at his addendum as the Monster in the Dark stuck the umbrella out of the cage. It cast a magical shadow on the ground, and it stepped out of the cage, careful to remain under the shadow. It knew that it'd be punished if anybody saw its true form. 'Yet.'
"Okay, where are we going for the exercise?" It asked as it closed the cage behind it.
"We're just going for a walk, that's all. You'll be back soon, and you'll probably enjoy it... I know I will..."
"Ok then, goodbye Mr. Stiffy!" it called to his friend, in a separate cage, waving at him, despite the fact that he couldn't see. O-Chul sighed.
"Goodbye Monster-san, be safe," he said, waving back.
It was a short walk, the hobgoblin lead the monster into the courtyard, and stopped, before pulling out a conch shell and blowing on it.
"What was that for?" the monster asked.
"Just the signal," the hobgoblin smirked back in reply. Several more hobgoblins came into the courtyard, and began surrounding the pair.
"What signal?" the Monster asked, confused. He hadn't been told of anything out-of -the-ordinary.
"You'll see..." Slowly, more hobgoblins filed into the courtyard, continuing to surround them until there were several hundred, and escape would be impossible (or so they assumed).
"W-what's going on?"
"Can't you tell, Monster? We love you! We all do! And... we... lust for you as well..." the original hobgoblin said as he slowly walked towards the darkness.
"W-what?! No! No! Stop!"
I think I did pretty good.
:mitd: I don't get it, what happened Mr. Stiffy?
O-Chul: I'll tell you when you're older, Monster-san.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Julia Greenhilt X The Chimera
IN THE AFTERLIFE
...
...
I don't want to, I really don't want to, but I am bored enough to do this. :(
Spoiler
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"Well, that like, sucked. I guess I should've realized that being chaotic wouldn't lend well to judging blast radiuses." Julia stood up and dusted herself off. At least her hair was back in the afterlife.
"Huh? Who're you? You're not on our files."
"Oh, uh, Julia Greenhilt. I kind of betrayed my family in a climatic battle with a major villain, and, like, ended up getting caught in an area of effect spell and dying anyways. It like, sucked, and it like, sucks that I am going to like, burn forever and didn't even get like, an extra minute out of it."
"I see. Oh, yes, your file's being transferred over right now actually. Have a seat in the waiting room."
"Waiting room? That doesn't seem terribly 'chaotic.'
"Well, I'm actually a subcontractor. Anyways, there's a huge line and frankly, you couldn't take on these souls anyways. I'd suggest going and sitting down before you get eaten."
Lousy good for nothing outsourced customer services. He was like, totally cute though. Mmm, he sure said that last word sexily.
Yeah, nevermind. I still have my pride. You're not getting any more than that.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Somebody stop me!
OK, (1,20,9)(3,19,2,17)(13)
That gives me a gender swiitched Nale, the shadow dancer and the Soulsplice. And a french maid costume.
Spoiler
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Kaboom Redaxe adjusted his kilt, and sorted out the tangles in his beard. "I'll be going to get me some booty. The king should be here soon."
The shadowdancer waved his hand airily. "I know, I know." He watched his partner leave, something like jealousy in his eyes. He envied Redaxe and his promiscuous ways, the way he was always so easy around girls. He was always shy, and when he forced part that he managed to be a friend, or, at best, like a brother. Well, he was tired of it. He may be living with the most unoptimized build imaginable, but that didn't mean he had to be mediocre in everything. He resolved to ask out the next girl he met, and then, well he'd see.
There was a knock on the door, opening it he beheld a vision of loveliness. A petite, demure women, classically beautiful and garbed in a tight fitting maid costume that showed of her curves to best effect. Her long blond hair framed he heart-shaped face like the halo of a saint, and the dress clung to her long legs, the generous portion barely constraining the swell of her breast, opening his mouth he gave out a small yelp and slammed the door closed. Looked like he would be alone after all. It was for the best, he decided. No matter how pretty she looked, girls do not have facial hair.
Kill them all, whispered Hatera in Nalette's ear. Make them suffer, concurred Jephton enthusiastically. Only Ganaron was silent. He had been in simmilar position most of his life, before he built is multi-dimensional empire. Beside, the kid looked kind of hot.
There, nothing actually happened, but that's probably for the best.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
So.. many... questions....
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I edited in my MitDxHobgoblin Army fic. I think I may be a bit short of the WHOLE army, but... eh...
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
*reads thread*
HEAD EXPLODES!!!!!!
Wow these are freaken hilarious, I might try one sometime.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
EvilDMMk3
CeliaxGender flipped Celia
...
Not touching that one.
You know... I'm gonna try it!
Spoiler
Show
After giving Roy the trinket thing, before discovering he's dead.
Celia is sitting at a table, talking with her friends and eating lunch, when a male sylph walks up.
Male Sylph: Hi there, I'm Celio.
Celia: Hey, I'm Celia.
Celio: Want to go have sex?
Celia: Well... I'm already in a committed relationship... so okay!
That was a fun waste of 10 seconds.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I got:
Male Sarah Greenhilt x Female Zz'dtri x IFCC
Plot Device: Stuck on a desert island
Anyone wanna do this?
Edit: Nice. :smallamused:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Ooh! Me, me!
Spoiler
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"Come on, it could be worse!"
"No."
The drow crossed his arms across his chest and pointedly turned away from the previously female human. Why couldn't they just ask for his soul and be done with it?
"I'm afraid, Mrs-" "Mr." "...Greenhilt, unless Mr.Zz'dtri also participates, the deal is off." "So you'll just have to pursuade him. Take all the time you want." The three cloaked figures stood patiently, unmoved.
Sarah Greenhilt sighed and walked over to the drow, who was unsuccessfully trying to cast a spell.
"Look" He said "your magic obviously isn't working and this is the only was off this damn rock. Stop being a wimp and put the belt on!"
"But-"
"Just do it!"
The three Fiends watched the exchange with some amusement. True, neither mortal seemed to know anything about the gates, and the circumstances that had led to them being trapped so were suspicious. But, they though as the disgruntled drow finally moved to put on the belt, maybe this trip to the mortal plane wouldn't be a waste after all.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Used the roller on the Wizard's site
Roll(2d20)+0:
6,7,+0
Elan & Nale?
that isnt a crack pairing at all!
Used the other table
Hinjo & Sarah Greenhil...Snowed in
much better..hmm
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Well this thread is trying as hard as possible to make me want to gouge out my own eyes. My turn to contribute!
Sarah Greenhilt x the Hydra in the Afterlife
Piece of cake!
Spoiler
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Sarah: So they just kept hitting you and hitting you?
Hydra: Grrr.
Sarah: And they just assumed you were Evil? They didn't even ask if you were a Chaotic Good hydra fighting against the oppression of your Evil brethren?
Hydra: Grrr.
Sarah: Oh, you poor thing! Let me hold you.
Hydra: Grrr.
Sarah: You have so many heads, it's so hard to pick one to comfort...
Hydra: Grrr.
Sarah: Hey, are heads the only part of you that can multiply?
Hydra: Grrr?!
Sarah: Let me just test it a little. Don't worry, this is Celestia! This won't hurt a bit...
Hydra: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
Yeah... I think that's about enough. :smallamused:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PId6
Well this thread is trying as hard as possible to make me want to gouge out my own eyes. My turn to contribute!
Sarah Greenhilt x the Hydra in the Afterlife
Piece of cake!
Spoiler
Show
Sarah: So they just kept hitting you and hitting you?
Hydra: Grrr.
Sarah: And they just assumed you were Evil? They didn't even ask if you were a Chaotic Good hydra fighting against the oppression of your Evil brethren?
Hydra: Grrr.
Sarah: Oh, you poor thing! Let me hold you.
Hydra: Grrr.
Sarah: You have so many heads, it's so hard to pick one to comfort...
Hydra: Grrr.
Sarah: Hey, are heads the only part of you that can multiply?
Hydra: Grrr?!
Sarah: Let me just test it a little. Don't worry, this is Celestia! This won't hurt a bit...
Hydra: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
Yeah... I think that's about enough. :smallamused:
:eek:Yay filler text
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CapedLuigiYoshi
I got:
Male Sarah Greenhilt x Female Zz'dtri x IFCC
Plot Device: Stuck on a desert island
Anyone wanna do this?
That's so crazy I'll have to try this:
Spoiler
Show
"No, I was right, those things were not Belts of Flotation!" Sarah Greenhilt exclaimed. "I totally should not have believed you."
"Still, it was worth trying," said the dark elf clinging to the piece of driftwood next to the formerly-female Greenhilt family member. Secretly Zz'dtri appreciated her new, ample breasts that made her so much more buoyant than before, even if the feeling did not actually give any rules benefit. Sarah no longer had such an advantage, and her bulkier muscles did nothing to actually increase her strength score.
Still, Zz'dtri could not help but appreciate Sarah's lean, sculpted build, so handsome, so male, so... What's happening to me? Zz'dtri's chain of thoughts stopped with a shudder. Am I turning gay? They had been drifting for hours now. If full effect of the Belts of Masculinity/Femininity was not limited to just the immediate transformation...
Really, everything had started to go strange when that thing called "the Snarl", whatever it was, had got itself loose and eaten a lot of holes to the fabric of the planes themselves. Good and evil afterlives getting mixed up, earthquakes, tsunamis, the living and the dead ending up dumped randomly here and there, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria...
"Look, an island," Sarah interrupted his train of thoughts. "Let's guide this driftwood there." Zz'dtri paddled against the current with all her might.
*
The island was small and deserted indeed. Zz'dtri had walked around it in a half an hour and found no signs of other people. The weather was great, though, and there was a small spring that provided fresh water. As for the food, Zz'dtri had found out that coconuts crack open handily when one can cast Magic Missile.
The unlikely pair relaxed on the beach as the sun set below the ocean. Here, far from everything, it was hard to believe that the universe was in the process of ending. Cocooned in his calm, Zz'dtri was surprised when Sarah's lips sought her own. She did not resist, though, and allowed herself to be embraced by the god-like young human man. She would just try to have to forget that the beautiful youth was actually an old woman. On Sarah's strong arms that turned out to be easy.
"We might be the last people in the entire world," she murmured. "Let nothing stop us from having this beautiful moment before our souls die."
"Ahem," someone said behind them. The lovers turned around to see three tall beings clad in robes the color of dried blood. No faces were visible, but three pairs of eyes shone from below the hoods. One pair gleamed yellow, one purple, and one orange.
"You know, the destruction of your souls is a matter that is far from certain," the yellow-eyed being said.
"We have come here to discuss about it..." the one with purple eyes said.
"To offer a trade," concluded the one with orange eyes. "We are the Inter-Fiend Cooperation Commission." The three fiends each tried to produce a business card from some dimensional storage, but without success.
"Heaven, the Snarl had to go and eat those too," the purple-eyed fiend complained to the others. "We're going to have to make a new batch when this temporary matter is solved."
"Please don't use language like that here," the yellow eyes fiend said.
"Anyway," said the orange-eyed fiend. "You are Sarah Greenhilt, the currently-male mother of one Roy Greenhilt, who is centrally involved in this mess." Sarah peered at the fiend suspiciously.
"And you, the other one, are a mid-level wizard who just happens to be in the universe's top ten list of remaining arcane power, when so many of your competitors have gotten themselves eaten," concluded the fiend with yellow eyes.
"We just need a little help," said the purple-eyed fiend.
"I won't sell my soul or anything like that, and in any case I don't trust you worth anything, so please go away," Sarah announced.
"No, no, no," the fiends all said in a chorus.
"We don't want the world to be destroyed."
"We like the world."
"The Snarl on the loose will destroy us all, no matter the alignment."
"We have to let such piddling issues be beneath us for the moment."
"So, what do you want from us?" Zz'dtri said.
"We still have a little while before they get to the gate," said the orange-eyed fiend. "You know what, we'll help you save the world for free just this once, tell you how, planeshift you to the right place, everything. We'd just like you do a little something for us in the meanwhile."
"The world is ending," the yellow one said.
"We cannot be certain of our success," the orange one said.
"We would not like to die virgins," the purple one said, strangely wistful. Zz'dtri had never before known that fiends could be wistful.
Let your imagination take care of the rest, if you dare.
EDIT - Oh, this turns out to have been a popular subject. So, now there are MULTIPLE fanfics about this crack pairing.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Yours is better than mine. I don't mind at all. :smallamused:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Wow.
RedcloakxMiko
TsukikoxXykon
MITDxKazumi
:smalleek:
HaleyxCelia
HAWT!
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Okay, I'm gonna try... I hope I got this right *Rolls*
(3,1) Heavyweight-initial
(10)The Snarl
(1) Roy
Plot device: (15)High heels and black leather
...
Spoiler
Show
He never thought he'd be doing this. How did they convince him? How could they do this to him?
The bald man walked toward the huge rift on the sky, until he was right underneath. He looked very uncomfortable on the tight black leather outfit, and heels that matched. He was no female, and he tripped upon reaching his destination. Then, he saw something strange. The rift seemed to have acknowledged his prescence. Something came toward him. Closing his eyes, he prepared for the worst.
Nothing happened. He heard a scream. He was about to open his eyes, when he felt something surrounding him. It was a strong claw, gently lifting him from the ground. He knew this was going to happen.
"Roy!" He heard his friends screm. And then, suddenly, he was gone to them.
As he woke up, herealized that he was surrounded by claws. Pulsating threads were all around. He blushed, his heart was beating faster. But... just
why?
Then he saw them. Beautiful red eyes, made of raw reality material, looking into his. He could feel his temperature rising. He felt the outfit tighter at each second.
Then the Snarl reached toward him.
Warning: NSFW-ish, lime. Absolutley Lime.
Spoiler
Show
Before he knew, the leather jacket was gone. So the snarl, the deicidal abhomination, was about to unmake him, part by part? Or...
He gasped as the snarl's claws got nearer to him. To his surprise, the tangle was soft.
"You... are not going to kill me, right?" Asked Roy, letting his weight onto the Snarl's claw beside him. The snarl growled. But it sounded more like... a purr?
The heels were gone in a pinch. Roy felt his feet wonderfully light after wearing those horrible things. A bunch of threads, forming roughly a body, got near to him, pressing against him. He looked in the red eyes. The red eyes looked into his. Suddenly, Roy knew what the Snarl wanted. And he was oh-so-willing to give it.
The claws reshaped, now like hands, and reached for his pants as he surrendered hiself to the feelings they provoked in him...
Oh... oh gods, I hadn't written a lime in years! :smalleek: The scariest is that it was actually fun...
I'll roll again! :smallbiggrin:
(2,2) Pathetic table-pathetic table
(2) Sarah greenhilt
(19) Roll again on lightweight (9) O-Chul
Oh come on! that one is decent! Let's see if the plot device helps a little...
(11) Pregnancy... :smallsigh: Okay, let's see...
Spoiler
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"So, Mrs. Grenhilt. I believe I had the pleasure of working with your son, back there" Saluted the Azurite.
"Really?" Said Sarah, welcoming the man into her house. Seemingly his parents weren't home, so he had wandered off around Celestia until he found her. "I hope he behaved. He can be a meanie sometimes, but he has a heart of gold"
"I do think so" Said O-Chul "He made really good deeds. Unfortunatley, I didn't really get to know him, but his heroic actions speak for him"
"Aww, that's good. But you know I didn't invite you to my house for talking about Roy, right?" she changed her tone to a more sensual tone "I have a proposition for you" She whispered in his ear. He felt a chill come down his spine. He hadn't done this in so long...
And three months later he got a letter to his parent's residence. He jumped on his seat.
"Oh, by the twelve gods!" He exclaimed
"I didn't know either" Said a female voice from behind him "I didn't know I could get pregnant in celestia"
I... am scaring myself. I want to do this again...
(1, 3) Just like my first roll...
(20) Genderbent (8) Miko
(16) ... the oracle...
(13) ... french maid costume... :smalleek:
Okay, let's get going, then!:smallbiggrin:
Spoiler
Show
"Arghh!" Exclaimed the young paladin. "I can't get this cursed belt off!"
"Sorry, Miko, I tried to warn you" Said Roy "But, you know, there's an oracle in the Sunken valley, maybe you can... just... go there, and ask him how can you take the belt off?"
"Very well, Greenhilt. Durkon, please see that nobody tries to escape during my absence"
"Aye, lass. I'll try ta." Said Durkon, thinking that as soon as Miko was gone, the rest of the group wold run away no matter what he said.
Miko set off. When he arrived to the sinken valley, he found that there were no tests. He wondered what was going on. He entered the tower, it was completley dark. He found a staircase, and climbed it. Maybe this was a test?
"Hello, Miko" He heard a male voice "You wonder why are there no tests outside. It's because I decided to get all three tests together in one"
Miko looked around for the source of the voice.
"Who are you? Where are you?"
A light turned on. He was in a small room, only with a bed. Right in front of him, there was a male Kobold, with a French maid outfit, and a duster on the floor.
"So..." Miko suddenly felt the hormones inside his new male body boil. How was this happening? The kobold closed the door, and sensually walked toward him. That was it.
LEMON-ISH, NSFW-ish... okay, NSFW content ahead!
Spoiler
Show
Miko threw the kobold on the bed
"You are the oracle, right? You knew this was going to happen" He said, between kisses
"Y-yes..." Said the oracle. His skin felt delicious undermeath Miko's. The clothes were part of the past now. The passion that now ran through their veins took control. They were made for this moment. The belt was a bother to Miko, but a small one. It was useful for the oracle to get a hold while they became one...
... this stupid dice wants me to get again into the Yaoi industry. This is just fun... :smalleek:
So thast was the last one. I don't want to get into straigt forward Yaoi-lemon territory.
But, it was fun. How did I do? :smallbiggrin:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I think we can officially declare Sarah Greenhilt x Drow whose name I can't for the life of me spell and official crack pairing! :smallbiggrin:
This is victory. :smallamused:
EDIT: NamonakiRei wins a full cake. Magical cake that changes flavors.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Dark Fiddle
I think we can officially declare Sarah Greenhilt x Drow whose name I can't for the life of me spell and official crack pairing! :smallbiggrin:
This is victory. :smallamused:
EDIT: NamonakiRei wins a full cake. Magical cake that changes flavors.
I call credit for starting it!
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
This thread singlehandedly justify the existance of this subforum. We need to spread the love.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CapedLuigiYoshi
I call credit for starting it!
You get an extra cookie.
Too bad there's not more Erfworld characters, we could do one for them too. Or a Erfworld table for crossovers. :smallamused:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I rolled on the first table and got Roy/Elan.
Which, coincidentally, I already have a picture of:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Oooh, art. That's awesome.
Art is worth extra too now.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Warning: The following fanfics are intentionally horrible. Not really NSFW though.
Cliffport chiefxNale, Plot Device: Police Uniform
Spoiler
Show
Together they were sitting there, watching the sunset. Everything went according to plan. The chief couldn't help chuckling a little.
"What's are you thinking about?" asked Nale. "Oh, I'm just looking forward to tomorrow. That Order of the Stick won't know what hit 'em." "They won't be alone." "I guess so. I hope it's worth the effort, though. You can't imagine through how many loops I had to hop to get the mayor to pass the law that prohibits the use of alignment-detecting spells and abilities." " I can assure you, that we appreciate your work. Trust me, your price will be worth it."
They sat there a little longer, honoring the moment. Suddenly, Nale laid his head on the chief's shoulder, whispering into his ear: "You know, I could give you a taste of what awaits you when this is all over." "Are - aren't you in relationship with Sabine?" "It's okay, I asked her and her only prerequisite is that she gets to watch the action." "Oh, you're a bad boy, Nale. I believe I have to arrest you now."
They went into the bedroom, where Sabine was already waiting in an armchair, giggling full of expectation...
I leave the rest to your fantasy :smallwink:
Bandit KingxRedcloak in a love/hate relationship
Spoiler
Show
"The prisoner has been taken to the torture chamber, just as you commanded, Supreme Leader." Redcloak could almost taste the obeisance in the hobgoblins voice. "Very good. You are dismissed, soldier."
When the goblin entered the dungeon, the Bandit King waited for him, chained down on the rack. He examined Redcloak with a look that was a mixture of of fear, fury and desire.
"Why have you come back?", asked the cleric. "To get vengeance for Samantha." "And...?" "To see you again." "I thought so."
The Bandit King paused for a short time, before speaking again: "I love you, Redcloak. But at the same time, I really want to kill you. You have taken my daughter from me. Not even a week after the two of us had been raised."
"You are a fool if you think that you had any chance to kill me. And you have lost the last bit of your mind, if you think that I would ever love you back. I hate humans. I only did, what I did back then because I thought it would embarrass you."
"You probably did. But I know that in that moment of magic you felt like I did. You're just hiding behind your duty now, so you don't have to face your true feelings."
"I have already sacrificed everything I loved for the future of my people. Don't expect that I will spare you, should I find you to be a nuisance in the future. But for now... let's see if we can replicate that "moment of magic", shouldn't we?"
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Well, the first one was okay... but the second one... it's for fanfics like that that I stopped writing (and reading) yaoi... :smalleek:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Redcloak & MitD :smallyuk:
Daigo & Roy :smallyuk:
Roy & Durkon :yuk:
Durkon, Gender Bent Roy & Gender Bent Elan :smalleek:
Celia & Belkar :smallamused:
Haylee & Bellcar :smalleek:
I'm going to have to start writing fanfics :smallwink:
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I actually signed up just so I could join your sick little games.
3:1 - 2:14 - 12
Which gives... Soon Kim and Jirix with pink frills and white lace.
Hmm...
Spoiler
Show
Soon Kim, now in the afterlife but unwilling to let Azure City go, can't help himself but spend time scrying on the city. He follows the plight of the resistance closely, rooting for their small victories and cries with them for each setback.
Of course, being dead, there's precious little he can do but watch.
Turns out he has some impressive experience in watching, all that being bound to the portal and such after his death.
From his vantage point in the throne room he has seen quite a lot, but mostly boring paladin politics and more recently the antics of a seemingly senile ruler and his cat.
Now, no longer restricted to a single room, Soon Kim discoveres he has aquired a taste for watching.
Though he is loath to admit it, he's simply become a Peeping Tom, a vouyer spying on his own people.
Needlessly to say, this situation makes him immensly frustrated. Being able to see all that takes place in Azure City, but unable to do anything about it takes it's toll.
Of course, he can always try to take his mind of things by visiting Roy's mum, but he just can't help himself. Time and time again he returns to Azure City, most of the time just by scrying, other times by visiting as a ghost.
In the early days after the collapse of the city, Soon Kim tried using his ghost form to contact the resistance. As a ghost he could have offered valuable intelligence on the hobgoblin army and such.
But, as Roy has discovered before him, it's suprisingly difficult for the dead to contact the living if there's no Blood Oath involved.
So far Soon Kim has only managed to make the azurite's "#1 psychic" vaguely uncomfortable and giving himself a strong feeling of impotency.
So, dispirited (metaphorically) and full of pent up frustration, he keep watching Azure City (with a certain partiality for the female resistance members sleeping quarters).
...
Ok, the premise for the rest of the story is that Jirix is becoming a nervous wreck from being around Xykon and Tsukiko. And the added burden assosciated with being Redcloak's whipping boy doesn't help either (Redcloak treats the poor hob as a clerk, not a cleric).
By virtue of being one of the highest level clerics left, Jirix had his own rooms in the palace.
In a closet he finds some rather intriguing pieces of lingerie in white lace with pink frills.
Jirix, stressed out and close to snapping, finds this completely alien clothing strangely soothing. As a hobgoblin he should be repulsed by such frivolous and decadent human things.
Attracted by a powerfull double taboo (crossdressing, and in human lingerie to boot), Jirix finds solace in these garments.
Now, enter the our vouyeristic ghost, Soon Kim. Jirix, a high level cleric, turns out to be a bit better at sensing the dead than the aforementioned "#1 psychic". He can feel a strong presence, which in turn triggers his latent exhibitionic tendensies.
Soon Kim is at first repulsed by the crossdressing hobgoblin, but...
The details are a bit hazy, but it all ends up with Jirix covered in ectoplasma.
Scary how fun this was.
You guys should be gratefull that my English is so rusty, or I might've been tempted to write out a full story, not just a summary.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
I just did some heavy rolling, so here goes:
Yokyok x Chimera (True love/Not PG)
Not enough of a stretch, actually.
MitD x Bozzok (American high school)
Meh.
Crystal x Argent (Adultery/Pregnancy)
Conversely, I'm not touching this "with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot poooooole!"
Mr. Rodrigez x Miko (American high school)
...What? They're both Lawful Stupid, it's completely tame!
Chief of Police x Durkon w/ Thor's Might (Snowed in)
Um, okaaay...
Lien x Deemun Roches (Aliens made them do it)
Okay, this make a good crack pair. Still, just because...
Thog x Female Zz'dtri x Hilgya (Snowed in/True love)
Wow, three dual plot devices in only seven rolls? And the return of Female Zz'dtri! Someone do a fanfic on this!
Feel free to write for any or all of these.
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CapedLuigiYoshi
Crystal x Argent (Adultery/Pregnancy)
Conversely, I'm not touching this "with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot poooooole!"
Feel free to write for any or all of these.
I take this as a challenge, expect the results in a bit.
Also, to lindorm, I feel so happy that I convinced somebody to join the forums. It makes my life have purpose. =D
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Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Dark Fiddle
I take this as a challenge, expect the results in a bit.
The gods help us all.