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Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
The rules of this game are thus, continued from before (https://forums.giantitp.com/showthre...rupt-a-Wish-II): the person above you will wish for something. You must grant that wish, in a fashion similar to the "Be Careful What You Wish For" trope. And then make a wish of your own.
Carried over from the last thread:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Magic_Hat
I wish for a new corrupt a wish thread because we've reached fifty pages.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
bug_sniper
Ok, but it will be on fire, just like the "Rolled a one" thread.
I wish for a fire extinguisher.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
> "I wish for a fire extinguisher"
Granted, but it's empty and has a broken dial that reports that it's full.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
paddyfool
> "I wish for a fire extinguisher"
Granted, but it's empty and has a broken dial that reports that it's full.
I wish paddyfool had made a wish in this post.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
He made a wish, but it obviously burned up in the fire.
Since we already have the fire, I wish for a fire roasted ox.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted but it tastes of burning thread.
I wish my wish could rise like a phoenix from the ashes.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Your wish goes up, and up, and up until it vanishes into the clouds. You never see it again.
I wish life were a cakewalk.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted. There is now cake in your shoes.
I wish for some cake that has not come in contact with any feet.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, given that said cake is inside a cage of razor wire and inside a ring of fire. In other words, your life is painful and torturous with the promise of something sweet at the end.
I wish for a firehose and some bolt cutters.
Edit: The first sentence works nicely for Gravitron5000 too.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted however they somehow merged together. With a firehose end and the grip of bolt cutters it is officially useless for any firehose, or bolt cutting needs.
I wish I had a teleporter.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, but its coordinates are fixed and it only teleports you to Pluto, one way.
I wish Pluto could clear its orbit like a planet.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted! But it absorbs Neptune in the process, leaving a planet that's far more Neptune than Pluto.
I wish I didn't have to pay taxes.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
You don't have to! Welcome to Shawshank prison! The warden wants to have a word with you.
I wish for a skilled accountant to help me with my taxes for free every year.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted. He uses your ignorance of the process to scam you out of your money.
I wish Covid-19 would instantly cease to exist so that we can have our lives back.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Dire Moose
I wish Covid-19 would instantly cease to exist so that we can have our lives back.
Granted. All Covid virus cells are killed with an even more contagious and deadly virus strain.
I wish for a vaccine for this new virus strain.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted. Unfortunately, nobody trusts vaccines anymore after the last one failed, and Karens were elected to all positions of power. Everyone dies to misinformation.
I wish to speak to their manager.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
You speak to the manager. The manager is a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Nom nom nom.
I wish my cat would behave herself.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Taxidermist cats are very well behaved.
I wish college cost less than 160k.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Caerulea
I wish college cost less than 160k.
Okay. College now literally costs an arm and a leg...for the first two years then another arm and a leg for the final two years.
I wish I had four arms and four legs to help me get through college.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, but you'll take eight years to graduate.
I wish I owned a hundred-foot yacht.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
You get a repulsively pungent sculpture of a yacht made up of 100 human feet stitched together. The police have a few questions about 50 missing people.
I wish that Bucky's horrific bit of footboat artwork would spontaneously combust.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
paddyfool
I wish that Bucky's horrific bit of footboat artwork would spontaneously combust.
Okay, but since it's spontaneous, you don't know when it'll happen and are standing right next to it when it finally does burst meaning you are consumed in the flames.
I wish to heal paddyfool's very bad burn wounds.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Yeah, the medication worked and the burn wounds are not even visible! ... unfortunately there are some side-effects. Terrible hiccups. Explosive diarrhea. Spontaneous mummification of internal organs. Googly eyes. Plastic ones. All over the body. At random times. Paranoia. Hairy toes.
I wish for a googly-eyes remedy for the poor guy.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, but the treatment causes incurable cancer in literally every part of his body.
I wish for eternal life.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Dire Moose
I wish for eternal life.
Okay, but life doesn't equal conscious organism so you spend eternity as an indestructible vegetable.
I wish to extract DNA from the Dire Moose immortal vegetable to create more of them and start a very profitable business selling them.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
While you did succeed in gaining some DNA their indestructible, and immortality are not based on their genes, but mystic powers, and as such do not pertain to the DNa sample, and can not be extracted.
I wish there was only nothing.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted! Your wish does nothing.
I wish I had due process and a competent lawyer.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted. However, you had already shared the video of you microwaving a baby all over the internet and on national TV, your lawyer can’t really do much. You go to prison for life.
I wish I could teleport anywhere I wanted to, at will.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Will doesn't really appreciate you teleporting yourself at him and files for a restraining order.
I wish to know why Will would want a wandering wand of wonders.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
You instead gain graphic knowledge of where Will's "wand of wonders" has wandered in the past. You'd really rather not have known, especially as you now face the question of whether to tell Will's wife, in which case, well, Will may need to make a will.
I wish to be better at innuendo.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, you are now so good at innuendo that you can’t help hiding double meanings in your statements all over the place. You develop so much of a reputation that everyone is always reading way too much into what you say and driving you nuts.
I wish this job would pay me more money.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
An extra 50¢might not seem like a lot, but it'll add up! Or maybe it won't.
I wish I could alter my voice however I wanted, whenever I wanted.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted Your inner voice can be changed to your whim, even to other languages that you don't understand...
I wish all thread like substances were fireproof
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted. The candle industry is not happy about it. Big candle sends in the assassins. Unfortunately, you're no John Wick.
I wish for a nice scented candle and a bubble bath.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, but you're allergic to the bubble bath mix used.
I wish to get buff
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted! You got a buff. And a balaclava as a bonus.
I wish to own a goldfish that will survive (my parents gave me the "Incompetent: Fish Care" flaw at birth).
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted. It’s an intelligent goldfish with psionic abilities that turns you into its mind-controlled slave.
I wish I never had to work again.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Well, that's a problem that can be solved by murdering you ...
I wish to bring back Dire Moose as a satiated zombie.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, but the satiation only lasts for a few seconds before you become zombie chow
I wish to put a stop to this zombie outbreak.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted. Your heroic sacrifice lures all the zombies into a growing inferno that none of them escape.
I wish I had a battleship.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted The Ghost Battleship from World War 2 is at your command able to deal with all of your ghost naval related needs. Note they can not interact with the living, of which you currently qualify so they will be errant until the deed is done.
I Wish For a Spaceship
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
I'll ship you some space in the form of this empty box. USPS ok?
I wish for a cat to occupy one of these other boxes lying around.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
https://news.agro-center.com.ua/wp-c...19/10/1-64.jpg
While Gravitron5000 is being ripped apart and eaten, I wish for a sword that fires lightning bolts.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
The Anti-Violence Sword™ delivers an electric shock to its wielder to discourage combat use. They're still fine-tuning the shock strength.
I wish for TPBM to have a good day.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
TPBM is teleported to the centre of Göd, a small city in Pest County, Hungary. Any attempt to leave sees him teleported back to the centre as soon as he reaches the city limits. After 24 hours, a time loop triggers and he finds himself transported back 24 hours in time to the beginning of his Göd day, unless and until he has had a truly good day in Göd.
I wish for reality-altering good luck powers.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
I would grant that wish for you, but I seem to be trapped in some kind of Hungarian time loop. Lucky me.
I wish for an imaginary friend.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Of course! You now have one! And I'll do you one better: after all, what could be better than an imaginary friend AND a clown? His name is Pennywise! And he's able to interact with you. Forever.
I wish for TPBM to have a wonderful day, full of pleasant surprises.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, but by sunset he won't remember any of it.
I wish for a cold fusion reactor.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
The sun just went dark and cold! We're all doomed! Why???
I wish for us all to have a lovely sunny day.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted! The sun gives you a hug!
I wish for a cool summer.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
As you wish. The summer is now too cool to associate with you, so it avoids you completely. And it slanders you in front of autumn and winter too.
I wish for a calm, beautiful vista to be visible from my window.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
lacco36
I wish for a calm, beautiful vista to be visible from my window.
Um, here's a computer with windows vista. It's calm because it doesn't do anything because it has a virus. I guess it's technically "beautiful" if we're going by the mentality "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." So, at some point it will be shoved into your eye socket.
I wish to remove the computer rom lacco36's eye socket.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
The ROM has been removed from the computer which is still in Lacco36's eye socket.
I wish for a RAM upgrade for my computer.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted, twice over! Your computer now has a reinforced steel nose to inflict extra damage when you deliberately run it into hard targets, and it has an integrated male sheep for propulsion so it can pull off such a maneuver.
I wish my days had 26 hours so I could get more stuff done.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bucky
Granted, twice over! Your computer now has a reinforced steel nose to inflict extra damage when you deliberately run it into hard targets, and it has an integrated male sheep for propulsion so it can pull off such a maneuver.
I wish my days had 26 hours so I could get more stuff done.
Granted You now live on a different planet, in a galaxy far away, the planet is habitable, with a weird ecology that has yet to erupt sapient life, this planet's days are 26 hours for every day in comparison to earths. Making you truly have 26 hours for every one of your days. What did you expect was going to happen i'd be able to magic some extra hours out of nowhere?
I wish for it to be friday.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted. It’s now Friday the 13th. Some guy in a hockey mask hacks you to bits with a machete.
I wish to reverse time back to the beginning of today, so that his really bad day never happened.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0
I wish to have that song scrubbed from my brain.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Velaryon
I wish to have that song scrubbed from my brain.
That song, and all other knowledge, is scrubbed from your brain.
I wish I could teach a bunch of cats how to dance so I could make money from their performances.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Magic_Hat
That song, and all other knowledge, is scrubbed from your brain.
I wish I could teach a bunch of cats how to dance so I could make money from their performances.
You can teach any number of cats how to dance which you and you alone will be able to see. If you try to have them dance in front of other people they get stage fright and maul you.
I wish for a dinnerbone. .
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
Granted! He's a video game designer who lives in Sweden. I've never seen his streams or anything so I apologize if he turns out to be bad.
I wish for a full analysis of the consequences of my actions.
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Re: Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!
The analysis covers various butterfly effects until the end of the universe. It's unimaginably long. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be in any rational order, so it'd take more than a lifetime of scanning to find any events that will actually occur within living memory of the wish.
In related news, seismographs registered a series of minor earthquakes caused by the Earth's crust compressing under the weight of approximately eleven trillion tons of paper and binders.
I wish for a productive use for a few trillion tons of recycled paper.