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Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Prior Threads~
Here (I), Here (II), Here (III), Here (IV), Here (V), and Here(VI).
doc: that's not supposed to go there!
belsunce: isn't that what a mechanic is supposed to say?
louka: meh, the human body is a beautiful machine.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Sarah's snuck into enough movies to know that this can only end in one of two ways: She's not particularly interested in murdering a high school while covered in animal blood and she's too young for the other thing.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Playing Exalted. Some choice quotes so far...
ST: So... yeah. You got nine silver XP for making that one burger.
P1: Welcome to the crafting system, enjoy your stay.
P1: Meat sword. Not the kinky kind; the deadly kind.
P2: After all, it's not unlikely the circle (or at least the abolitionist members) may have to clash with the Guild.
P3: WHAT'S THIS?! CAPITALISM!?
ST: Capitalism ho!
P2: Burgermerchant and [P3's char], the capitalism hoes!
P3: MalReynoldsSpeechless.gif
P2: Can Hungry Ghosts enjoy burgers?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
DM: you find 9 recoverable spears among the dead sahaugin
Me: great. How soon can I cut a few to length and start training Rizzo and his mousefolk kin to defend themselves?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
They’re playing Secret Hitler at the historical wargaming table!
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
GM: *upon realizing that a high level animation spell that one of the player was planning on taking would be large enough to animate an entire mansion* When you said you wanted settlement building, this wasn't quite what I had in mind.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
me: vb, could you please get your butt out of my field of view?
vb: come on, it's almost as attractive as my wife's!
dahrzull: vb, mind getting your butt out of my screen?
me: told you!
vb: that was the grenade's fault...
vb: gui, your butt is ruining my aim!
me: it was the grenade, i swear!
dahrzull: sorry about that.
i love dying light. i hate friendly fire, but those quotes are worth it.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Scientist PC: so ooc question since I missed the first hour, are we still on planet communism?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Spoiler
Show
Gathur Silkfire (Bard) is a recent addition to the team.
... it was one of those nights.
PC 1: Is a halfling part panda?
PC 2: No, you're thinking of Ling Ling
PC 1: So, are they one-quarter panda?
Symeon-OOC: So the gnome does a cannon-ball dive into the swimming pool
Arksbane-OOC: As the gnome dives in, Arksbane casts Vision of Hell on the pool
Killian-OOC: Killian lays back in the Hellpool, with a cocktail in hand
Symeon-OOC: We need to add an illusion of the drink being on fire
Killian-OOC: Oh, that turns it into real "fire water"
DM: The water of the pool has healing properties. For example if there are kinks in the back ...
Gathur-OOC: No! We're in another room!
DM: *facepalms*
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Player 1 - "I'll cast speak with animals to wingman the bull with one of the cows."
__________________
Player 1 - "Why did I let you two go off on your own?"
Me - "You had to get back to wingman for the bull..."
__________________
GM - "You realise you're walking in a straight line, and that's never happened before."
Player 2 - "I've never walked in a straight line before!"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
D&D
AEthelwyn: Should I add some brass gears?
Lizard!Magnis [OOC]: I'm envisioning myself being this extremely masculine dragon.
***several days later***
AEthelwyn [OOC]: *Is struck by a most disturbing mental image of a dragon with a messy beard and giant pectoral muscles sticking through his scales*
Dark Heresy
Spezzal-Furs: I come back from a hard day of hunting Eldar on our ship and find that you guys have stolen a tank!
World Eaters Terminator: I bet you a skull that our guy wins.
Mishka: Deal.
Mishka: I feel kind of bad about blowing up his spaceship. He was a nice guy.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Warlock: Here's the plan. We break into the castle, find Ireena, and rescue her from Strahd. Then we beat the tar out of her til she's almost dead, then use all of our illusion magic to disguise ourselves as her. Add a couple mirror images, and voila, a room full of badly injured Ireenas. Strahd won't risk hurting her, so we can all just walk out!
DM: Wait, say that plan again?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Cleric: “These are undead puppies, they are not the cute puppies. They are bad dogs.”
Paladin: “All dogs are good dogs.”
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Sarah: "...So... Either we're in the matrix or we've stumbled into some kind of radically different parallel reality? ...Are we going to have to murder a tyrannical God-King? Please tell me that we are because I've had the weirdest urge to murder an overpowered jackass on an ego trip for a while now."
Koutarou: "I wouldn't be so quick to assume there's an overpowered jackass behind this. Or that if there is, that we can win. I also have no idea what this "Matrix" you refer to is."
Sarah: "...A shared dream of a false reality controlled by a person on the outside, which can be recognized by things that don't make sense. Like seeing a dozen identical snowflakes."
Much, much later.
Sarah: "...Me not dumb. You do bad to me, then you dumb. Me eat you and puke you back up just to make you hurt. Agree or no... dice? Head hurt, hungry, not brain well."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Myrmidon, disgraced town guard turned hardened fighter: So, how does Selûne feel about gambling? Sinful/not sinful?
Azora, professed moon-worshipper: Why? Thinking about confessing your sins?
Myrmidon: No. But there's no point converting if they don't allow fun.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
"Look, unless you know how to sneak into a sanctuary or why an American girl without a drop of non-white blood has a Japanese-named sword spirit, I ain't got no business with you."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Charity: "You're my favorite dad."
Doc: "Uh, I'm your only dad."
Charity: "And that made picking favorites easy."
Charity: "Brushing my teeth made me think of all the times I threw up yesterday."
Doc: "It reminded you of throwing up?"
Charity: "No, just the brushing teeth part did."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
dm: badgers aren't projectiles!
kami: they are if you've got my strength score!
free: anything is lunch if you're brave enough.
korinn: crazy enough, more like.
josé: jury's out on that one in our case.
dm: josé! what did i say about teabagging demons?!
josé: no more than my attacks this round?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
While looking at minis on the table:
"Oh my good, look at the butt on this ogre! Did you paint the buttcrack or did it come with it?"
"Look at this one, his ass looks sculpted."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
"And let's face it, do you want Hell under the control of a borderline edgelord teenager?"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Charity: "Oatmeal raisin cookies are the Dark Souls mimics of cookies."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Newly-infected Wereraven Warlock: Is that how lycanthropy is spread? I thought it was through bites.... oh...
Warlock's Wereraven boyfriend: *looks at floor, blushes in embarassment*
Monk: We left you alone for one night! ONE NIGHT
Cleric: At least it wasn't chlamydia
Ranger: So in the first corner we have Team Bird, with a kenku ranger, a newly-infected Wereraven Warlock, and her Wereraven boyfriend.
Cleric: Then we have Team Elf, with our full elf cleric and the two half-elves.
Paladin: The Agents Keeblar?
Monk: NO
Other Paladin: And finally, we have Team Cat, with our Tabaxi druid, our paladin who thinks she's a cat, and an actual Sabre-tooth Tiger.
DM: So you're... what? BCE?
Cleric: Nah. Varying degrees of people
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
This is over a couple of sessions.
Vocalae: Can you cast prestitididigate on me to clean my clothes?
Vorn: Not until you can pronounce the word correctly.
Vocala: Prestigate? Presditidigate? [several more tries] Prestidigitate?
Vorn: *casts the spell*
Nacris, OOC: I pity the poor stonemason when all the guards start checking the insides of rocks for drugs.
Vocala: Don't worry, it's clean
Vorn: Says the woman who slept cuddling a rat!
Vocala: I didn't know he was there, and I discarded him afterwards.
Vorn: Oh, so you just use men until they're not useful for you anymore.
NPC Werebear: The rest of the were-animals don't really like non-were-animals, so they're getting pretty antsy at your presence. You should probably leave.
Nacris: That's okay, Vorn's racist too.
Vorn: Exactly how is telling them that supposed to help?
Nacris: Why are you still breathing?
Vocala: Oh, right. Thanks! I should stop now.
Vocala: I leveled up, so I'm going to learn pres-[mumble]-gate!
DM: You can't cast it until you can pronounce it correctly.
Vocala: [continues struggling]
Queen, who's player is a non-native english speaker who has never played the game before: You mean prestidigitation?
DM: Queen, you now know the Prestidigitation cantrip. Despite playing a Ranger.
Vocala: Since it's been a few days, I'm down to 5 pocket sausages.
Vorn: Just so you know, the city we're just about to enter is extremely strict about magic use. Do not, under any circumstances, cast any spell. Not even a cantrip.
*Five minutes pass*
Nacris: Vocala, I'm not going to let you go off and talk to a smuggler in prison by yourself. We can't deal with you getting arrested.
Vocala: You can trust me!
DM: Vocala, you feel something hit your hair.
Vocala: I cast pres-
Nacris: NO!
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Comissar
Player 1 - "I'll cast speak with animals to wingman the bull with one of the cows."
__________________
Player 1 - "Why did I let you two go off on your own?"
Me - "You had to get back to wingman for the bull..."
__________________
GM - "You realise you're walking in a straight line, and that's never happened before."
Player 2 - "I've never walked in a straight line before!"
Same player:
"Darn it, i shouldn't have fed all the stun guns to cats!"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Sarah suddenly has memories of being an ordinary pig, then a really hungry pig, then being butchered and accidentally fed to a human girl.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Paladin, clutched in the talons of a hungry Roc flying into the sunset: "It's ok bard! We're going on an adventure together!"
Wereraven bard, also clutched in the talons of a hungry Roc flying into the sunset: *screams in terror*
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
GM: You know this urchin is the son of the town drunkard. He's beloved by all the shopkeepers in the market. They would all adopt him in a heartbeat if anything happened to his dad.
STRIX: Is he human?
GM:...yes
STRIX: M'kay then
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
You notice with absolute clarity that the wall is moving. You can see each section move and writhe about seeming to call to you, and as you do you feel a presence watching from afar. Roll a will save.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
malax mendez: "i seductively play with my abacus."
even with context, it makes no sense. hell, it's been 7 hours and i still can't figure it out.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
MONK: Screw rescuing the dwarves! We're in it to kill goblins! No goblin lives matter!
WIZARD: Cast Charm Person.
SAMURAI: Did you do that out loud?
DM: I didn't see a Stealth check.
SAMURAI: <slaps self>
DM: Hey Monk, does an 18 hit you?
DM: He's charmed but you still have to persuade him to let you tie him up.
SORCERER: I'm a changeling with 20 CHA, I get naked and say "Hey, let's get tied up!"
MALE PLAYERS: Bwahahaha!
FEMALE PLAYERS: ...
HUNTER: I'm still in the woods looking for my animal companion.
RANGER: I'm with him, I hold up a badger. "Is this it? Hurry it's spraying"
HUNTER: Speak With Animals, I hear the badger cursing him.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
""Get a fully paid study trip to Numeria, Ansem", they said. "It will be fun, it will be educational."
They said NOTHING about deflating deadly abscesses inside an alien leviathan's colon!"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
*So wait did I... Did I just accidently my soul a sword?
Same Session Same Character just much later
**Wait, how can I owe money if I don't officially exist?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Truancy is punished by navel combat?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
*vigilantes bursting into an illegal porn shoot*
Bionic Commando: *levelling his assault rifle* Hey guys, sorry, there's been a change of scheduling, we're shooting an action movie today.
*Wins his presence attack*
Bionic Commando: *On his cousin's luck* Some people have the luck of the Irish. The luck of the Irish wishes it was her.
Panacea: I check to see if (NPC) is dead before I attempt to empathic heal him.
DM: That's a good idea, you probably don't want to try finding out whether taking half a death is healthy. At least on an NPC.
Panacea: A forgettable man gave me a non-existent letter to give to an invisible woman. Is Milliways open at this time of night?
NPC: I challenge (lucky Irish PC) to a drinking contest.
Frag: I accept.
Panacea: I'll get the stomach pump fired up.
*using hit location chart*
Frag- Where's 13?
Me- *without looking* Groin.
Surge: You WOULD know, you've hit nothing but so far.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Casimir-Ivanova
*using hit location chart*
Frag- Where's 13?
Me- *without looking* Groin.
Surge: You WOULD know, you've hit nothing but so far.
the real critical hit. also,
kami: right, i'm off stomping demons! josé, you comin'?
korinn: it's been a while since he's been kicked in the kiwis, hasn't it?
dm: i blame poor rolls.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Doc: "She cheated, she has floatation devices."
Mirror: "They're huge tracts of land, hon. Get it right."
Charity: "It's useful both for dinner and murder."
Doc: "I think George Washington is making moves on the cleric."
GM: "George had his horse shot out from under him 6 times. He was buddy up with a healer somewhere."
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Player 1: (missing mother backstory and just had most of the rest of his family killed by demons) That's my goal right now. I'm gonna find my mother and I'm gonna kill em'!
GM: You're going to kill your mother?
Player 1: Wait, no!
Player 2: Man, losing your father has driven you to matricide?
Player 3: You've got your little sister figure on your back, if you want to finish off your family you might as well start young.
Player 1: *dies laughing*
Player 3: Periods are important people.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
My party ended up taking a ferry up a river in our latest session and we ran into a river ogre or similar creature that attacked it. The wizard cast a spell that created grappling tentacles in a 20-foot radius around the ogre, and rolled 20 on the combat maneuver check, which grappled the ogre successfully, but also made it difficult to get within 20 foot of the ogre for the next seven rounds. As a paladin who typically is a frontline melee fighter, I spent the next three rounds casting all my prepared spells, and waiting for an opening. When one didn’t show up by round four, I used my only ranged attack option: I threw a chakram.
Me: [rolls a 4] I throw a frisbee into the river. End of turn.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Its my great pleasure to visit your blog and to enjoy your great posts here. I like it a lot. I can feel that you paid much attention for those articles, as all of them make sense and are very useful.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
*makes WIS save*
"That is NOT Liberace!"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
somethingrandom
Truancy is punished by navel combat?
*imagines two people putting putting tiny daggers into belly buttons and fencing with them*
Nacris: "You're selling your body to my sister?"
Vocala: "I really want that magic item."
Vorn: "What do you expect? She slept with a rat!"
Vocala: "I take Nacris' sister and head to the kitchens."
Nacris: "No sausages!"
NPC: *casts disintegrate*
Vorn: *turns to dust*
...
Vorn's player: "My next character: Rhaul Dustborn!"
Nacris: "We found some disturbing things in my brother's room."
Lia, Nacris' sister (NPC): *casually looks up from book* "Do you mean the headless corpse or the magical portal?" *goes back to reading*
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
gmoyes
Player 3: Periods are important people.
Commas are important, too! :smallamused:
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Me: *Reading handbook* Hey. What counts as a 'tiny' creature?
DM: Anything that ranges from an insect to a household cat.
Me: ...So. I can make my spider familiar the size of a cat.
DM: *long pause* Yes.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
"You choose which asses deserve saving, and which ones deserve whooping. Being a hero is all about judging asses."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gallade
"You choose which asses deserve saving, and which ones deserve whooping. Being a hero is all about judging asses."
sig worthy quote, right there! i can't one up you, but here's some of mine.
kami: i'm bored.
josé: i can think of something.
dm: how about you two don't destroy my plot? it's korinn's turn.
josé: i'm out of ideas.
grimm: so, does it count as assault or as a high-speed appetizer?
korinn: assault. definitely assault. at least until i make him a potato gun.
kami: kowabunga! *nat 1*
kami: kowabung-OW!
korinn: see? this is why i only reroll your fails in emergencies. running butt-naked into hell is not the dices' fault, you lemming!
grimm: *throws josé's big ol' bag of potatoes* how is it still so heavy after all it's been through?!
dm: neither josé or i keep track of its ammo.
grimm: ammo?!
josé: does that mean i created an enchanted object? without feats?
korinn: i'm very, very, very jealous.
grimm: josé solved world hunger through shenanigans. i don't know if i hate him or love him.
josé: don't worry, grimm. i'm still chaotic neutral.
grimm: don't remind me.
free: *exists*
korinn: he's so totally the virgin sacrifice we'll eventually need.
ooc on when we'll play again:
dm: my rest day is wednesday.
josé: is it really a rest day if there's a session with us?
dm:... point.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Vorn's player, OOC: "I've been poofed by an ass!"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Guizonde
the real critical hit. also,
kami: right, i'm off stomping demons! josé, you comin'?
korinn: it's been a while since he's been kicked in the kiwis, hasn't it?
dm: i blame poor rolls.
To put the spuds in perspective, if you get a head shot (3,4,5 on 3 dice) you do 2x body and 5x stun on what you roll. Groin is 1.5x and 4x. It is the only location apart from the head that says "hi, direct hit, have more body." and a 13 on 3 dice is considerably more achievable.
To the point my vigilante doctor has hit there 3 times out of 7 with rubber rounds.
Also, continuing the theme, back when I was a kid, I played D and D as a halfling with throwing spears, and took on a bunch of gnoll swordsmen and archers. I performed a combat roll under one of the swordsmen, and after succeeding, this took place.
DM: Roll a D20.
Me: Again?
DM: Yep.
Me:*rolls* Uhhh, 16.
DM: *hands me a d8* Roll this.
ME: *rolls* 4.
DM: Well, the THROWING SPEARS STRAPPED TO YOUR BACK don't kill the gnoll, but he certainly doesn't enjoy it.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Proud to receive and share my first worthy quote:
(Battered goblin sentry crests cliff for the third time, ablaze with lime-white radiance)
Barbarian: Is this goblin the Terminator!?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
SUMMONER: I attack it for 19 damage.
BARD: Did you two-hand it?
SUMMONER: It's a giant floating hand of force.
SORCERER: You could do a Vulcan two-fisted hammer blow.
SUMMONER: hmmm
SAMURAI (ooc): You're a gnome, if you reduce yourself to Tiny you can carry yourself around with Mage Hand.
DM: Unless the DM isn't a nitwit.
SAMURAI: I wanna learn Goblin! That'll be my other language!
DM: You don't learn a language in battle!
BARD: Yeah when you alter your character sheet, you don't tell the DM.
RANGER: Yeah you just remember you always spoke Goblin.
DM: Hey! Don't teach him that stuff!
DM: So you don't want to try to swim across?
SORCERER: I have 8 STR, no points in Swim and 0 in Acrobatics. I'd just drown with the others.
DM: OK so you stand and watch them drown.
SORCERER: Um, Dancing Lights, 120 feet up, vaguely humanoid figure writhing as if drowning
SORCERER: Sorry guys, that river looked too yucky to swim in
WIZARD: It happens, I guess
WIZARD: We'll run to catch up.
DM: Run? Gimme a Fort save
SORCERER: Nat 20, plus 1
DM: You effortlessly jog for a half an hour.
WIZARD: 16.
DM: You run without penalty.
SORCERER: I call cadence!
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
"Forgive me Desna for I have sinned and nearly led an entire village into a cannabalistic orgy"
"First of all Desna doesn't do confessions. Second, you did what?!"
"10/10 Would snuggle the undead again."
Barbarian: "I roll to bite the door."
GM: -meaningful silence-
Paladin: "We're not that good at door as a group."
Cleric: "Can we kill the door with holy fire."
GM: "Did you guys forget that you have a key."
All: "Yes", We have a key?" 'Can we bash open the lock instead." "Who has a key?"
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"Well, of all our prospective medics, she's the one who lost her license for reasons that least have to do with being a bad doctor."
"AG: That's what I'm trying to figure out! I was punching rocks to establish chronology, when suddenly the cave, a river, and the fire appeared. And then the lass walked out, apparently having had their bacon saved by whatever I did.
AG: So, I was mostly checking to see if that status was from things you did, or from things you were going to have to have done."
"Your porquise, your decisions. I'm just the achronal semigoddess tagging along for the ride."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
free: wait, hold up. there's a plot?!
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Doc: "You might as well try Keto. You got nothing to gain."
Mirror: "It's spin the bottle. With beastiality."
Doc: "But they're all rats."
Mirror: "Their occupation is not important."
Rat warrior: "Rawr!"
Mirror: *crits twice on a double strike*
Rat warrior: "... squeak."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
"Ready for this? I've been practicing..."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
SAMURAI: If you had a saber, and cast light on it...
SORCERER: Getting Instant Weapon and Quickened Spell later and totally going for it.
SAMURAI: Need Prestidigitation to alter the color.
DM: ...
SORCERER: "A helpless character is paralyzed, HELD, bound, sleeping, unconscious or otherwise completely at an opponent's mercy". She's held by a bear and a gnome.
DM: She's not totally without action though.
SORCERER: It says "held".
DM: Yeah but coup de grace is death not beaten unconscious.
SUMMONER: Can't get more held than grappled by a hunter, bear and a gnome.
BARD: Dogpile on the goblin!
*FORTY MINUTES LATER*
BARD: I cast channel energy and heal everything within 30 feet.
DM: I need you to pick who you heal, there's got to be a limit on how many you can do.
BARD: No limit, it's just everybody in range.
SUMMONER: That's true.
DM: Really? Your prisoner starts thrashing and cursing again.
WHOLE TABLE: NOOO
SUMMONER: Excess nonlethal damage translates as lethal.
DM: Really? OK you notice the goblin is totally limp...
WHOLE TABLE: NOOOO
SAMURAI: Look here, you try to pocket all the gold and then demand a percentage of a reward for a fight you weren't even involved in?
MONK: I got the gold, so screw it, I'll keep it if you won't divvy!
SUMMONER: Sounds like an alignment issue.
SORCERER: He's being systematic about it though, so, I say it's not chaotic robbery.
DM: Hmm organized robbery is lawful...
DM: You find a masterwork longbow and twenty arrows.
RANGER: Mine!
DM: You also find a masterwork dogslicer and a studded leather armor. On the goblins you find 36 gold, six shortswords, some broken gems, six leather armors and six shortbows.
SORCERER: Anybody writing this down?
DM: Nobody is writing anything apparently. You also found...
SORCERER: Wait wait wait!
DM: Sorry, nope. You also found...
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Did a fun bit of role-playing at Comicpalooza.
Lita: "While Reta [my twin sister] was being cooked alive, I traded my shiny mirror for a bomb."
Lita: "While we're talking to the cheiftain, I get out a rat and start digging my thumb into its head."
DM: "Oh no, not the rat." She pulls out a bigger rat.
Lita: "... I pull out a squirrel!"
DM: She pulls out a honey badger!
Lita: "... urgh, I know I have a puppy in here somewhere..."
Foo: "I cast firebolt on the house."
Lita: "... why didn't you say you could do that before I used one of my fire arrows?!"
Lita: "THAT KILL COUNTS AS MINE!"
>Lita does down in combat
Reta: "Ha! Reta always knew she was better than you!"
Lita: "... Yeah. So do Lita."
Reta OOC: "oh my god that's so tragic"
Lita: I take a swig of my human perfume.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
*busts into the room*
Charity: "Heeeeere's Johnny!"
Mirror: "Who's Johnny?"
Doc: "She says, and smiles in that special way..."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
Fabien Tealeaf, the party cook and generally nice and friendly halfling: DEUS VULT, MOTHER****** *pulls crossbow trigger*
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
DM: Is the asp a familiar or animal companion?
SORCERER: No, just a pet.
DM: Ooooh OK the snake goblin is persuading it to switch allegiance. It rolls a 19! "Sssss ssseee how they hatesss usss sssnake folk"
SORCERER: That was an order! Attacking the goblins was an order! Befehl ist befehl!
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VII: (Edited for less context)
militia van nuked (formerly darole): ah reckon th' new medic is gunna fit right in to this here group.
lucii: why? because he loves money?
belsunce: because he tanked my slap and gave me a good one in return?
militia: nope, he's o-bese. plenny good hidin' behind that lard.
zbeb: militia's comment unnerved and aroused zbeb at the same time.
malax mendez: don't worry, i've got a briefcase.
louka: today, on "pimp my makita"...
lucii: do mine too!
malax: and add glitter to mine!
louka: ... we've got a crowd!
louka: i stoically s*** my briefs.
dm: ok, so croustor hits the rat-ogre for 12, 16, and 18 wounds with his axe.
louka: bull****! he just fragged a fresh one no sweat!
belsunce: yeah, nobody crits like croustor.
militia: also, don't shake his hand.
zbeb: zbeb aimed carefully his throwing knife, and summoning the spirit of his ancestors, threw with all his might to...
*rolls*
... fail miserably.
malax: *dry heaving* don't eat the bacon. it smells like the dm's socks.
militia: ok, i'm addin' "arson" to the charges we can legit' get out of by bein' badass.
lucii: i'm gonna shoot him with my shotgun!
*fails*
lucii: screw that, i'm hitting him with my wallet next turn!
belsunce: i clothesline the bookmaker.
lucii: don't kill him!
belsunce: uh, i think he'll live. you don't need both lungs to live, right?