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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Important NPC: You'll be assigned as bodyguards to my niece, who was recently widowed.
Player character: So she's available?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Eilowyn: "I lost the Water Essence!"
Hadlug, Vladim, Hael, DM: *simultaneous facepalm*
Hael: "I'll try to intimidate him." *rolls a 1*
DM: "The bartender thinks you're cute."
Eilowyn: "He's a genasi-sexual."
Hael: "The freak."
Hadlug: "He's a giant?"
Hael: "He looks like the TF2 Heavy mixed with Kratos from that E3 presentation."
Hadlug: "Crap, he's a russian."
DM: "Eilowyn's main flaw is that she has no idea of what's acceptable to speak."
Hael: "She's a bard, that's surprising."
Vladim: "I shall baptize this child with the purest vodka."
Eilowyn: "Believe in the stone! Believe in the stone!"
DM: "Worst crack cocaine dealer ever."
Eilowyn: "This is the essence's power!"
Hael: *hums They Will Know Our Names*
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
'You have to remember they're all one irregular verb: I optimise, you're a powergamer, he's a goddamn cheating munchkin'
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Aztec Warriors ''You invaders leave this holy ground!''
Cesar (OoC), Lydia's player ''How they dare?!''
Lydia ''Desecrate.''
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Samson: "So, we've heard there has been an increase in goblin attacks recently. You know anything about this?"
Traveling Merchant: "Oh, eh, I've heard about that. Got jumped by a band of them buggers not too long ago. Seems they be after some legend called the Ursufugo."
Lance: "The what?"
Merchant: "'Far as I know, it's some kind of new goblin myth. From what I've heard it's supposedly a demon clad in clothes as red as blood who rides though the sky upon a bear of fire and hurls flame from his fingers. Bunch of nonsense if you ask me."
*Everyone looks at Vick and Xaltaer*
Vick: *Glares at Xaltaer*
Xaltaer: *Looks at Vick* "Hey, don't blame me..."
Vick: "I BLAME you!"
Terra: "Lance, what is that?"
Lance: *looks up at his new half-giant cohort* "This is Thud. He followed me home. Can we keep him?"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
sengmeng
Important NPC: You'll be assigned as bodyguards to my niece, who was recently widowed.
Player character: So she's available?
Er... what's her age?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Player: I place the writer's manuscript between two slices of bread and start eating it
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Spoiler: Responses!
Show
Quote:
Originally Posted by
sengmeng
Important NPC: You'll be assigned as bodyguards to my niece, who was recently widowed.
Player character: So she's available?
Too soon buddy, too soon. XD
Quote:
Originally Posted by
GPuzzle
Hael: "I'll try to intimidate him." *rolls a 1*
DM: "The bartender thinks you're cute."
I would have so many NPC friends if it worked this way in any of my games. :3
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheTeaMustFlow
'You have to remember they're all one irregular verb: I optimise, you're a powergamer, he's a goddamn cheating munchkin'
LOL, that's a good one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Genth
Player: I place the writer's manuscript between two slices of bread and start eating it
How did it taste? Dry? :smalltongue:
Beryl: “What's the names of Frostbite's parents?”
Frostbite: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
DM: “Heck, I'm the DM and I haven't asked that one yet.”
DM: “Ah okay, so basically the spell functions like half the wardrobe in my wife's closet.”
Spirit: “She didn't realize how bats track their prey, for example.”
DM: “Can't blame her. Spiders don't have ears.”
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DigoDragon
DM: “Ah okay, so basically the spell functions like half the wardrobe in my wife's closet.”
I am confused... for instance, why only half?
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
goto124
I am confused... for instance, why only half?
Because only half the clothes are Tres Chic or Pure Sexy or Plain But Comfortable or whatever quality matches the spell.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
goto124
I am confused... for instance, why only half?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lord Torath
Because only half the clothes are Tres Chic or Pure Sexy or Plain But Comfortable or whatever quality matches the spell.
The spell in question was "Charm Person", but the quality being discussed about the spell isn't the obvious one. :smallbiggrin:
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
I am still utterly confused.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DigoDragon
The spell in question was "Charm Person", but the quality being discussed about the spell isn't the obvious one. :smallbiggrin:
Your wife's wardrobe sounds half-awesome, at least. :smallbiggrin:
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
goto124
I am still utterly confused.
Spoiler: The Dreaded Context!
Show
The comment made before the quote was "Spirit also has Charm Person, because Druid. Just doesn't have it prepped today because limited spell slots, and he finds Enchantment effects distasteful."
When I said it functions like half of my wife's wardrobe in the closet, it was referencing the fact that my wife finds that half to be distasteful.
Elxir_Breauer is essentially correct about the other half. :smallwink:
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
goto124
Er... what's her age?
Old enough to be married, young enough to have a living uncle.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DigoDragon
How did it taste? Dry? :smalltongue:
Stabby. The writer promptly stabbed the character with a butter knife
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Taren: I must say, I have never seen an elf of such grace and dignity before...
Loren: Stop hitting on my Grandma!
Ravemoira (NPC): Oh, I don't mind.
Victor: We believe the goblins are organising-
Ravemoira: Ahahahahahahaha! Ah... you humans and your odd senses of humor...
Loren: Grandmother, you just disappeared without a word!
Ravemiora: Oh, I'm sorry sweety, a sea wyrm was ravaging the western coast and me and your grandfather had to pop out to deal with it.
Rulkrim: You barely know each other, why do you want to get married?
NPC: Well, she's kind and beautiful... I was enchanted the moment I-
Rulkrim: I cast detect magic!
Dm: ... on the elven wizard?
Rulkrim: Yes!
Dm: Detrect magic only reveals the presence of magic, it's Identify that tells you what it does. And that's a minute long touch spell.
Rulkrim: Hey elf, want a backrub?
Rulkrim: I impress the crowd with my music prowress. (rolls nat 20)
Dm: Dang. Well, since this is a side thing, you can narrate what happens.
Rulkrim: I invent DwarfCore!
Taren: What do you mean none of us knows how to speak gnoll?!
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
GM: You're falling through a void. A dark, lifeless void. And yet you can see clearly. Reality is coming undone all around you. As you look around, you find your entire body elongating and bending at surreal angles. Your arms and legs are forming ninety-degree angles where there are no joints and--
Ray: I can see my nose from here!
---
Ray: *dancing wildly* Ha. Ha! HA! BWAHAHAHAHA! Eat it, reality! In your face, temporal physics! Choke on it, Quantum Mechanics! I take a nuclear paradox to the face and live. I am invincibleness!
---
GM: After that little display, R is putting you in for an immediate psych evaluation.
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Lisa: That's a bittersweet ending if I've ever seen one.
Ray: Yeah, I know. You're alive again. We saved the flumphs from annihilation, but we'll probably never see 3G again-- assuming that he even remembers us--
Lisa: And you don't get XP for any of it.
Ray: -- I don't?
GM: You just rewrote history so that you never did any of those things. Since you didn't actually do it, you don't get any XP.
Ray: But I remember doing all of it!
Lisa: And I remember being dead. But I'm not.
Ray: Yeah, but- buh- hu- gnerhk. *eye snaps*
GM: I think we just broke him... Again.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Nesdu: Wait, I thought it was an intelligent item?
DM:An 'intelligent' magic item is only one that's capable of thinking. It does not necessarily mean one capable of thinking particularly well.
After casting detect thoughts on a sword to find that it apparently had the personality and mental capacity of Fighter from 8-bit theater.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
5e game that's been going for awhile, just haven't been able to capture the quotes...until this happened.
Spoiler: Context
Show
I misread Polymorph, so I was asking if I turned into a frost giant, would I get my weapons? After setting me straight...
DM(OOC): Dude, when you can be a T-Rex, who wants to be a stupid storm giant?!... I mean, look up what that thing can do and tell me you don't want to take polymorph and use that EVERY encounter.
Oh, there are some bandits in the forest? TREX!
Oh, someone just stole my coin purse? TREX!
Vivi, Level 8 Druid(Me, OOC): Oh, there's an intricate murder mystery to solve? You better know it's a T-REX!
DM(OOC): Riddle in a dungeon? The answer is motherflipping TREX
We've had some hilarious things happen - 11 people have been involved, although there's only 4 regulars (had a new one join tonight) and the DM usually. Everything from characters committing suicide to save their fellows to awkward moments fondling harpies to genuinely considering murdering ten-year-old kings, it's been a blast, and I can hardly wait for the next session.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Beryl: “Oh if we're talking about crapshoots, what about me being told to 'continue the fight against the darkness' by going to the Dusk Temple in Arendale? I wish that was a little clearer. Will it help against the brotherhood? Is the 'the darkness' something else? Do I get a fancy 'I am Heliodor!' button or something?”
DM: “Anyone else find it ironic that [Coca-Cola Life] instilled a death-like state in our Baker-Paladin?”
DM: “Welp, coming home today the car thermostat said it was 101F outside. I had the A/C on the lowest setting because the heat felt good. Feeling good at face-melting temperatures means either I'm part red dragon or something's wrong with me. Checked my body temp and yup... fever has returned for round 3. Sigh.”
Beryl: “The impossible theory that we're infecting each other through forum posts is looking worryingly plausible all of a sudden.”
Spirit: “How long am I allowed to haunt them, and how many disappearances am I allowed to cause? Instilling mortal terror is a Druidic specialty.”
Flare Star: “So... these wounds were done to you by an opposing pegasus swordsman?”
Epee Silverhilt: “Earth pony actually.”
Flare: “But... you can fly. Did this earth pony have some method of flight as well?”
Epee: “Nope, just had this really good opening move that starts with a rock...”
Ace: “Ivy, are you pondering, what I'm pondering?”
Ivy: “Crystal Orb and Chill?”
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DigoDragon
Flare Star: “So... these wounds were done to you by an opposing pegasus swordsman?”
Epee Silverhilt: “Earth pony actually.”
Flare: “But... you can fly. Did this earth pony have some method of flight as well?”
Epee: “Nope, just had this really good opening move that starts with a rock...”
I wish I knew how to link the video directly...
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
P3: Uh-oh. I shoot my own sniper in the back! He must have had very good camouflage. :smallredface:
P2: Well, that confirms it. You are literally playing Commander Badass when he tells the free-range fire "no." and it refuses to burn him. :smallcool:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Necroticplague
Nesdu: We need to hold them off! Think about steak really hard while I cast!
*begins playing final countdown on a kazoo*
:smalleek:
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
I sat in on a friend's Exalted game today, so here are a few quotes from that.
"So basically all I have to do is stand on a ship and say 'mine now,' and then that ship is mine, and anybody I haven't formally welcomed onto the ship is worse at everything they do while on the ship? Forever? Even if I'm not on the ship? Even if I haven't been on the ship in years? Even if I completely forgot that the ship even existed?"
"Yes."
"Today was a pretty good day. I met some new people, and most of them didn't try to kill me. Wait, no. Most of them actually did try to kill me. Still, some of them didn't try to kill me."
"The spunky seaman"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
P3: "Slapping someone in a coma doesn't get them out of that coma."
P1: "But you're not in a coma."
P3: "I am in a coma."
P5: "Spoiler alert: you might not be able to heal me once I drop out of rage."
P1: "I'll reincarnate you later."
GM: "Spin, spin, spin the wheel!"
P1: "Can I see the book real quick, now that I'm dead?"
P1: "The bookkeeping [of Path of War classes] is a pain."
P4: "No, it's not!"
P1: "A wizard is simpler."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DigoDragon
DM: “Anyone else find it ironic that [Coca-Cola Life] instilled a death-like state in our Baker-Paladin?”
DM: “Welp, coming home today the car thermostat said it was 101F outside. I had the A/C on the lowest setting because the heat felt good. Feeling good at face-melting temperatures means either I'm part red dragon or something's wrong with me. Checked my body temp and yup... fever has returned for round 3. Sigh.”
Beryl: “The impossible theory that we're infecting each other through forum posts is looking worryingly plausible all of a sudden.”
I was kind of hoping that these wouldn't have ended up in this thread. Those are about IRL, not the game... But since they're here and I quoted them, they can stay.
I'm just gonna say stevia allergy is really awful. Especially if you don't know it and drink the stuff for several months in a row. If you have pollen allergies, be very careful about stevia. And since there is a lot of that in Coca Cola Life, think twice before choosing the green Coke.
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
Captured hobgoblin guard: "I'll never talk!"
Terra: "Oh yes you will!"
Hobgoblin: "Make Me!"
Terra: "If you insist." I grab his jewels and twist.
Everyone else: :smalleek:
Terra: "Talk, or I'll pluck 'em like an orange."
Everyone else, simultaneously: "An ORANGE?"
Hobgoblin: "I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!"
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
From my real-life 5E campaign.
Spoiler: The Cast
Show
Vincent, gearhead Sorcerer.
Faye, semi-noble elf(?) Wizard.
Benihime, vagrant Monk.
Faye's player: We have her dead babies. We could start throwing dead babies and hope she goes after them.
Vincent's player (Me): Pity Mage Hand has such a low weight allowance, we could make magic dead gator baby marionettes. -Some discussion later- Even so, I'm all for baby grenades.
Faye's player, after more discussion: Now then, do these dead babies float. That's what I want to find out.
Faye's player: Good. This will work swimmingly.
Vincent's player: WRONG ADVERB
Faye's player: You will be missed, Mini-Cube.
Faye's player: Remember, the command phrase is "Smile, you son of a ****!'l"
Vincent: "What is it with Faye and creating hellish vehicles of brimstone!?"
Benihime: "Look, idiot! The wheel is the baby gators!"
Ship furnace: "Mother, I am so cold. Mother, make me warm. Please mother, it is so cold."
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
(My shadow dancer, Lily, is trapped in a pocket dimension with 10 angry pirates and no backup)
Pirates: Surrender your weapons or we will kill you!
Lily: You can try
(5 combat rounds later, I am down 7 hp, one potion of spider climb, and have stolen the artifact the pirates were using to get in and out of the pocket dimension. One pirate is dead, another mortally wounded, and the other 8 are trapped in the pocket dimension without the artifact)
Me, over the table: Damn, that was some Black Widow **** right there!
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Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?
GM: Scotland is not a bag of holding!
PlayerA: Oh no we left NoKnees in the car!
PlayerB: are you thinking what I'm thinking?
PlayerA: We are not throwing NoKnees into Scotland