Spoiler: Romance spoilered for length
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A situation has occurred (or will occur – we don’t know Dirk’s timeline). It will affect the party to some extent, and may affect Dirk’s current plans, so I guess you should all hear about it. The two of us decided to explain it to you in character, so here it is.
(You may ignore which account this email came from; it was written by Diane and Jay together.)
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Rowena has been traveling to Devon Manor regularly to do magical research stuff and help set up the schools there, make scrolls, etc. The next time she visits after a Certain Conversation with the Queen, once she and Ornrandir are alone in the study where they work together on magic, she initiates the following conversation:
Rowena: The Queen tells me I really ought to give some thought to perpetuating magical bloodlines and recommends I consider marrying you.
Ornrandir: I’ve heard similar rumblings. Elanor told me I have to find someone to marry, too. Something about an heir for the county.
Rowena: It is a rational idea. It is just that I have never really considered it before. I have been rather busy learning magic; all that physical stuff seemed so…worldly.
Ornrandir: I certainly know little about it. I’ve never had any family, and I've been an outcast all my life, except for those occasions when the only female I’ve traveled with was a paladin.
Rowena: The gaggle of giggling girls I must spend time with these days seems so focused on the idea.
Ornrandir: I know. Everyone but you is so stupid.
Rowena: I am already spending a lot of time here anyway.
Ornrandir: My servants wouldn’t have to prepare separate rooms for you each time. That would be convenient. And we seem able to get along.
Rowena: After all, we worked well together blasting hundreds of goblins with lightning bolts.
Ornrandir: I enjoyed casting coordinated lightning bolts with you. I’ve never felt so connected to another person before.
Rowena: After that, how difficult could this marriage thing be?
Ornrandir: Love is one of the strongest and most mysterious forces of the universe. Of course, controlling arcane cosmic forces is what wizards do. Maybe we should research a spell for it?
Rowena: As a mage, I will not age as quickly as normals; being elven, you of course will not age at all, so I really do not see why we need to be in a big hurry. And why should I care about being considered – how did she put it? Oh, yes – an “old maid”.
Ornrandir: That seems like a meaningless phrase. Everybody becomes old, and an unmarried woman is of course a maid.
Rowena: On the other hand, your life expectancy, given your penchant for getting into trouble, isn’t exactly eternal.
Ornrandir: I suppose I should tell you that one of the tasks I’ve been assigned is to distract the assassins, so I’ll be assassinated instead of a real noble.
Rowena: Ummm, right. [looks him up and down appraisingly] At least if I marry you, you won’t keep getting ripped off by the tailors. You paid far too much for that rag you’re wearing.
Ornrandir: Fine by me. I’d be happy not to have to think about clothes any more.
Rowena: You thought about … that?
Ornrandir: Of course. It has a fleece collar, so I always have the material component for Phantasmal Force, feathers as decorations so I can fly, and several pockets worked into it here for other components. It has two internal pockets for scrolls, this hidden pocket for a dagger, and Lorelei will never figure out where the thieves’ tools are. It's green, for easy concealment in the trees. See? I carefully considered every relevant sartorial issue.
Rowena: I see. Yes, I believe I should take over those decisions. [Pause.] I would prefer to avoid that spectacle that Aduphus went through to marry Lady Stanley. The collective intelligence of her Majesty’s ladies dropped like a stone the instant someone said, “wedding”, and all they could talk about for weeks was fripperies and lace. Why do you think I spent so much time here writing out scrolls?
Ornrandir: Believe me, I understand. All the nobles were throwing their daughters at me. A year earlier they were offended that I was allowed to carry a weapon, and now they want me to sheathe one in their daughters.
Rowena: So how quickly can we get this over with?
Ornrandir: Well, when they assigned us to go fetch the Prince, we started out on the task immediately. Is the priest available today?
Rowena: I suppose we need to tell the Queen first. She might an opinion about how it is done. So we are fully agreed about the marriage?
Ornrandir: It does seem like the logical thing to do [says the pointy-eared member of the couple].
Rowena: I’m glad we were able to work this out rationally, without the usual tawdry, emotional mess.
Ornrandir: Of course. We may be the two most intelligent people on the planet. We won’t let maudlin sentimentality distract us from rational analysis.
Rowena: Well, I am glad that that is settled. Now back to important matters - about that scroll we were discussing…
Ornrandir: Does this mean I get to look at your boobies?
Rowena: [sigh.]