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Dave the Ostrich
Dave was not like the other ostriches of the African savannah. He wasn’t very good at running the way the other ostriches did. He couldn’t pick up hot ostrich babes girls. He wasn’t even accepted by his family! The only thing Dave was remotely good at in life was a talent he alone had with math.
Although he did not know what exactly this talent was called (ostriches don’t speak English) he was exceptionally good at it. He would spend entire days under a Baobab tree and scribble out equations in the dirt with his beak. Although the squawking mockery of his sad life was emitted from passing ostriches Dave did his best to ignore it.
Most ostriches were able to evade hungry predators by speed and endurance. Though Dave had neither of these traits, He was able to use his incredible intellect to predict movements. Whenever a hungry lion tried a feint maneuver upon Dave he would cleverly see this coming and not be fazed by it. This only brought more ridicule into Dave’s social life however.
One day upon the African plains, Dave noticed a group of creatures he had never seen before. They were moving upon two legs, and hair only upon half of their heads. While Dave had feathers, he knew what these were! They must be related to Elephants! Elephants had very little hair, and you could see their skin. But these creatures were different from elephants. They had things upon the end of their forelimbs Dave had only ever seen when he visited his Auntie Emu, and seen a monkey. In these hands they carried long sticks, but what could they be used for. Aside from that, an assortment of strange outer skins adorned most of their bodies, which
Moved only partly like what their bodies did. Curios about the new creatures Dave moved closer.
When the animals noticed him they exchanged looks and uttered sounds
Dave had never heard before. He could figure out that they were communicating, but couldn’t understand it. Just then, one of the figures raised a stick to his forelimb, and there uttered a pop. Dave felt a sting in his side and jumped to the side, fearful that he had startled a hive of bees. But there was something in his side. A small feathered object, like a hummingbird had crashed into him. As Dave began to slip into an unconscious blackness the new animals came towards him.
There was a rushing noise, and the sensation of running through a long hollow log. As Dave opened his eyes, he was in an unfamiliar place. It was as though he was in a canyon with a bunch of trees, some dirt, and a small pond. Dave knew he was imprisoned! For days he tried to find a method of escape from hid cage but could find none.
The place given to him wasn’t all that bad. After about a week of sulking, he finally decided to make the best of his situation. At least he knew he wouldn’t be made fun of anymore. He began taking leave of his surroundings more thoroughly than before. His canyon edges were not made of rock, but some other substance. The most unusual thing was the clear walls in his place. Dave had trouble remembering they were they were there, and bumped into one a couple times before he remembered their position.
During the days, the two-legged creatures would appear on the other side of the walls, and would make the same strange and indistinct noises. This was okay. Dave usually just ignored them. Sometimes he showed off his wimpy display of feathers, but they seemed pleased enough with it.
Dave soon began his old routines of doing math problems in the dirt. He usually covered them up with dry grass he was given as food, so nobody would notice. One day however, as the two-legged animal that brought his grass was cleaning up the room, Dave remembered he had forgotten to scratch out the equations. He rushed forward towards the grass pile, but it was too late. The animal had a puzzled look on his face when he saw this sight, and led Dave out into a separate room. This one was more uncomfortable, and very tight.
After what seemed like ages, the wall to his cramped compartment opened, and there stood another two-legged animal. At this point, Dave decided to name these creatures, because he was being very indecisive about what they were. This animal was now a Jhord. Jhord sounded like a good name for them. This new Jhord took him to an enclosed place, and motioned to a piece of white rock. He placed it against the wall and rubbed it in a very deliberate motion. To Dave’s amazement, wherever the Jhord moved the rock, there left an impression of what he did. Dave was intoxicated by this phenomenon, until he saw what was drawn on the wall: 3+4.
Dave was stunned for a moment. He didn’t know what to do. These Jhords actually could do the same thing he could! Eagerly he pressed his beak against the wall and began to scrape. A horrible screeching noise filled the room, and Dave drew back in fear. The Jhord cringed slightly, and shook its head. It motioned to the rock, and Dave then spent a while where he could position it comfortable in his beak. Upon doing this he completed the equation on the board: 3+4=7. Dave and the Jhord continued back and forth quizzing each other with problems from (3!)X-5 to 7/(18X3). Eventually the entire wall was filled up with equations.
Dave knew he had found a home. This wasn’t a prison anymore, now it was heaven! He and the Jhord traveled all over the place, demonstrating his strange talent. Dave was utterly thrilled to be receiving so much attention.
And so, Dave traveled the United States. He amazed one person to the next. He even met up with another ostrich that accepted him for who he was, his wife: Tina. And to this day, Dave is the only Ostrich in the world…No the only ANIMAL in the world to have graduated from Harvard University in Cambridge MA, with a Master’s Degree in Mathematics. I’d like to see your dog top that!
The End!
