I have taken a true step into manhood!

Thats right ladies and gentlemen. For the first time ever, it was made my duty to cook barbecue chicken over the grill! Ah it was glorious! The dangers were many, after all, each chicken breast was a different size. The hazards were perilous. The grill has screwed up burners where one side is always way hotter than the other, and yet I persevered! I seasoned each piece with garlic and onion powder, as well as seasoned salt. I put them all on the grill, carefully arranged so each piece would finish at roughly the same time. I timed my flips of chicken, then, when I judged them ready, I tested the internal temp, 165! Now it was time, time for the sauce! Sweet baby rays was generously applied, then, when it had a few minutes to cook, flipped and applied again! Finally it was finished. All the pieces were removed and placed on a platter.

Everyone grabbed the piece of their choice and took the first bite... SUCCESS! The meat was juicy and tender, perfectly cooked inside and out. Just enough blackening to prove it was grilled, without giving the diners a mouth full of char. Cheers were unleashed by all, and the sight of happy eaters filled my vision as my heart swelled with pride. I was victorious on todays field of battle, and now my place amongst the ranks of my fellow manly men is assured and well earned. Rejoice fellow men! For today another joins your ranks! Let us hold our tongs up high and roar with pride as the barbecue battlefield has another soldier reporting for duty! SALUTE!

Onion powder? Seasoned salt? Those are the trappings of weakness and youthful folly. Real men add spices separately, and use only fresh ingredients!*




*Probably not true.

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Originally Posted by Flickerdart

Onion powder? Seasoned salt? Those are the trappings of weakness and youthful folly. Real men add spices separately, and use only fresh ingredients!*




*Probably not true.

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Did I neglect to mention the onion powder and garlic were both created by grating them on my abs first? The seasoned salt is called thus for it has lasted through several battles upon the burning field. (plus it has extra flavors in it, shhhh)

Next time try this.
You need to marinade for 24 hours, but you won't regret the result.

Huzzah! Congratulations on your ascendence to manhood! My wise and wizardly mouth waters at the thought of your barbarqueing prowess. Although, one wonders how one would grate spices on ones abs, when any true barbarquer of note would be wearing an apron. One with large print saying 'Kiss my broadsword.'

Well now hold on just a minute. It sounds from your description like you were doing your "barbeque" on a gas grill...and you call yourself a man. pfft.

J/k, congrats. ;)

http://i.imgur.com/QpHfUAP.gif

I actually have a personalized apron with a picture of homer on it at the grill in full chef regalia and the phrase Hail to the Chef written on it. Its pretty nice and has held up for years. That said, I did the grating before I put it on. Gotta prep the food first, you know? As for charcoal, eh, ive used it before for other things, so I graduated from that field of study in the art of grill warfare. A true chef can make any style of grill work for awesome food!

That linked recipie, oddly enough, I have had something similar to that. I vaguely recall baking chicken with yogurt and flavoring on it. Cant recall what spices but it likely wasnt tandori as most of my family dislikes spicey food.

Awww, I guess I'll never be a true man then :-(. I can make Oodles of Noodles, and bologna sandwhiches and canned soup, and that is the extent of my cooking ability. I am entirely incapable of cooking/grilling(I've even tried grilling, it was awful, it had to be thrown away).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oECIKVaz5rc

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Originally Posted by Starwulf

Awww, I guess I'll never be a true man then :-(. I can make Oodles of Noodles, and bologna sandwhiches and canned soup, and that is the extent of my cooking ability. I am entirely incapable of cooking/grilling(I've even tried grilling, it was awful, it had to be thrown away).

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Hmm, what you have reached in animal terms is, you are the bachelor, the beta. You are an adult, but not yet strong enough to claim your rightful place as the herd stallion or alpha. The protector and provider of your group. There is no shame in this, not every man is meant to be the Alpha. As syndrome would say, if everyone is an alpha, noone is. I am generous though, you may be my beta. Bring me the ingredients I name, then stand back and watch as I work. Perhaps one day you too will be able to make that step into manliness.

Ah, the grill. Your next step on the road to manhood will be regrowing your eyebrows after they get blown right off your face by the gas grill.

Or burnt right off by the campfire flare up. 'Cause meat, stick, fire and you're good to go, too. Bonus points if you can find a forest floor where the soil has high mineral content so your food will be properly seasoned when it falls of the stick. Mmmm, fresh natural ingredients. :smalltongue: More bonus points if you can turn the outside into charcoal while keeping the inside raw and bloody.

Glad your chicken worked out, I detest grilling poultry.

Rofl. Come on, every man knows it takes at least one full can of lighter fluid to properly start a grill

Meh, if my Grandma can light a fire without liquid fuel any man should be able to.

Although I agree with Crow in that proper grilling should entail charcoal (preferably placed in an oil drum that's been split open lengthways to provide more space for food to be grilled), I do welcome you to the ranks of barbeque chefs.

As for spices and/or marinades, I tend to like having the wet marinades and then use the marinade as an additional barbeque baste during the coking process. You should definitely try to whisk something together yourself for next time you are in charge of the grill (like any proper man should be :smallwink:).

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Originally Posted by KuReshtin

Although I agree with Crow in that proper grilling should entail charcoal (preferably placed in an oil drum that's been split open lengthways to provide more space for food to be grilled), I do welcome you to the ranks of barbeque chefs.

As for spices and/or marinades, I tend to like having the wet marinades and then use the marinade as an additional barbeque baste during the coking process. You should definitely try to whisk something together yourself for next time you are in charge of the grill (like any proper man should be :smallwink:).

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Oh I already do that with pork tenderloins. I chop up some peppers and onions, add oil and balsamic vinegar and marinate the meat. Then when im grilling it, I use the marinade to baste it. THEN, just to make everything even better, I saute the peppers and onions in a pan and serve them on the side. It tastes so damn good added to the slices of pork.

/time passes

Sorry guys, thinking about that made me drool a bit. Unfortunately, it turns out that I am all out of tenderloins to grill. Ah well, im cooking a pork shoulder in the crock pot and making a kickass rice dish to go with it tomorrow. The rice is made with apple juice, cranberry juice, apples, raisins, and all sorts of other bits of goodness. Honestly, I do a lot of cooking, its just, for some odd reason, I have never actually grilled chicken before. I have grilled burgers, hot dogs, pork, turkey, fish, shrimp, and things like that, but I have never made barbecued chicken. So I had to share my amusement on the board.

Proper grilling is made with charcoal and you pour the animal's blood over it, not use BBQ sauce.

No, seriously, that's how it's done. AND IT'S F*CKING AMAZING.

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Originally Posted by GPuzzle

Proper grilling is made with charcoal and you pour the animal's blood over it, not use BBQ sauce.

No, seriously, that's how it's done. AND IT'S F*CKING AMAZING.

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I had my first set of barbecue chicken ever marinating in barbecue sauce for quite a while. Then I wiped off most (not all) of the sauce from the exterior of the chicken (so the sugar wouldn't burn before the meat was done), grilled the chicken over charcoal flipping exactly once (the grill marks stay coherent and aligned that way), then brushed more barbecue sauce (not the stuff with the raw chicken juice in it, that got dumped immediately) as the chicken cooled.

It was awesome. It looked awesome. It tasted awesome. Also, the people who normally grill were totally jealous. I also got the timing right so the chicken wasn't overdone.

Good times.

Chicken may be simply the best thing on the grill. I love me some barbecued pork ribs too, but marinated chicken thighs, mmmmm.

The grill IS awesome, but I have to admit, the slow cooker is rising high into second place for me. You can use it to make SO MUCH AWESOME STUFF! Obviously easy stuff like sauce and chili, but you can also make beef or chicken stew, and I even did slow cooked ribs. You season all the ribs however you like, toss em in the slow cooker, then include a bottle or so of barbecue sauce and let it cook. If you like, you can add cut up potatoes carrots, onions and peppers, etc to the mix for extra filler to the meal if you dont want to make it all separate. The meat literally falls off the bone, it is so tender and juicy its beyond belief. Dont get me wrong, I love breaking out the smoker and taking the time and effort to make a proper set of ribs, but damn me if that slow cooker isnt tasty and a hell of a lot easier. Best part is you can leave it alone most of the day, stirring like 2-3 times over the course of 8 hours of cooking.

I had an experience with the BBQ the other day that wasn't overly enjoyable.

Don't read if you are squeamish:

Spoiler

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I was about to light it... opened the lid and found a rat inside, busy looking for leftover scraps.

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Originally Posted by Aliquid

I had an experience with the BBQ the other day that wasn't overly enjoyable.

Don't read if you are squeamish:

Spoiler

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I was about to light it... opened the lid and found a rat inside, busy looking for leftover scraps.

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Spoiler: For my odd sense of humor

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Pah, only a rat? :smallwink: Around here, in the northwoods of Wisconsin, you'd find a whole coyote in there. Or at least a skunk. Your vermin are weak, good sir. :smallbiggrin:

@Traab -- congratulations! :) Glad it turned out well!

@Asta Kask -- thanks for the laugh. :smallbiggrin:

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Originally Posted by Bulldog Psion

Spoiler: For my odd sense of humor

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Pah, only a rat? :smallwink: Around here, in the northwoods of Wisconsin, you'd find a whole coyote in there. Or at least a skunk. Your vermin are weak, good sir. :smallbiggrin:

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Spoiler: onging conversations with spoilers are odd

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It is the small vermin that make me squirm. We get all sorts in these parts… *****, coyotes, skunks. There was even a bear on the other side of town that learned to open car doors, and wandered from house to house snooping in cars looking for food.

But the rats... Filthy little creatures sneaking around, invading my space. I don’t know why but if I see wildlife in my yard, I say “cool”. If I see a rat, I feel violated.

Spoiler: vermin

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My cat takes in live mice and let them loose. Then he loses interest in them and leave me to catch the ****ers.

@ Aliquid - bear that can open car doors? Really?

Yes bears can open car doors, or just rip the door off the car...

Anyway me and the guys got together and grilled tri tips yesterday.
We went the easy route and bought some preseasoned tri-tip in a bag. They were however amazing.

The key to cook a large piece of meat is simple:

Step one: You sear both sides, about ten minutes per side

Step two: if you have a gas grill, you kick the burners to low, close the lid and cook it low and slow. Depending on how much meat you cooking and you’re preferred doneness it shouldn't take more than about 45 minutes.

Alternate step two: Charcoal is the same concept, but slightly different, you have physically move the meat to a cooler part of the grill to prevent it from becoming a massive hockey puck, allow it to cook low and slow as well.

There’s a couple of different ways to do this.

When you set your fire up, you should pile all the coals on one side of the grill so one side is much hotter than the other.
Or you could place a metal container (like those big super heavy duty “casserole” pans that are disposable work well) filled with water in the grill, spreading the fire out to either side of it. So it would be coals-pan- coals. This I believe regulates the heat more evenly and helps prevent one side from cooking faster than the others and burning. I think it’s sort of like having a pizza stone in your oven, I’m not 100% sure on the science behind it, but it seems to work.

The last piece of advice on charcoal grilling is to not use lighter fluid, instead get a chimney starter from the local hardware store and some barbeque starter cubes and a box of matches. You fill the chimney starter with briquettes, place a starter cube or two in the grill, light it with a match then place the chimney starter over it. Your coals’ are ready when white ash forms on their tops. You’re not spraying around flammable chemicals, its already contained and it’s just superb method of starting a fire for barbecue/grilling.

Ouch!!! You took a true step into who's manhood!?
Warning, Large Post.

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http://i.imgur.com/qtfyWlz.jpg

In my experience, salt sucks at the moisture, if applied too soon, resulting in dry meat.

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Originally Posted by Co co

@ Aliquid - bear that can open car doors? Really?

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Do a youtube search... there are various videos catching bears in the act.

It gets really messy when they get in and the door closes on them. They don't know how to open the door from the inside, but that doesn't stop them from trying, and ripping everything to pieces.