Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

[QUOTE=Sith_Happens;17788322"Remind me how long now we've been trying to pick music for a random encounter?"
"Like half an hour."
"I think we've forgotten how to D&D."[/QUOTE]

Castle crashers music...almost always appropriate for random encounters.

Related:

Player1: I think this music is a bit too upbeat for these mines...
Player2: Oh fine. **puts on something else entirely**
Player3: This isn't better...

Here are some memorable things from a Legends of the 5 Rings campaign I was in. Lots of fun. :smallsmile:




Yasuki Sunshine: I call that man an asshat.
GM: The man is terribly offended.
Yasuki Sunshine: Duel to the death! I insist!
GM: Uh... ok?
Yasuki Sunshine: I hide behind my Yojimbo! Neeeeeeh *Skeletor noises*

---

GM: So, as the blind Hida is hit in the neck by the blade of a sword and does not even flinch. The other duelist just surrenders. "Nope, screw that, I'm out."

---

Hida Iso: And I will be on guard duty?
NPC: Uh... blind people can't guard things.
Hida Iso: I just want to be useful! I wanna be a real samurai!

---

Kaiu Tsukaba: Alright, so we know that that peasant is tainted but we need to get rid of him without anyone else noticing while we continue building this wall.
Yasuki Sunshine: Hey you. *Points at a random peasant*
NPC Peasant: Me?
Yasuki Sunshine: Yeah, I have a task for you. *Rubs 10 Koku together* (Whole lotta money)
NPC: Sure! Anything!
Yasuki Sunshine: Push this big rock up onto that wall, then when that guy *points to tainted dude* walks under the wall, drop it on him. *Hands the peasant 10 Koku*
NPC: Uhhhh... 10 Koku, right... ok. *walks off.
Yasuki Sunshine: Perfect, now I go talk to the tainted dude and say that I need him to go pull some weeds over near the wall or some ****.
GM: Uh... ok... After a moment the tainted peasant has a massive rock dropped on top of his head, killing him.
Yasuki Sunshine: HEY! ASSHAT! GET OVER HERE! *Pointing toward the peasant he paid off*
NPC: *Running over* Yes?
Yasuki Sunshine: You're going to need to pay restitution for killing this man. *Takes all of the man's money, including the bribe money*
NPC: But...!
Yasuki Sunshine: Are you disputing the rule of a samurai?!?
NPC: No... *Walks away rejected*
Yasuki Sunshine: Neeeeeeh *Skeletor noises* I solved our problems AND made 7 Zeni!

---

Kaiu Tsukaba: I can't hit these damn undead... and they can't hit me... Quickly! Build the wall around them!

---

Hida Iso: I can't see the wall, so I ask the Kaiu 'How is the wall going?'.
Kaiu Tsukaba: Great!
GM: As you check near the wall you hear a faint moan come from inside the wall.
Hida Iso: Meh, looks good to me.

---

Kaiu Tsukaba: So the Yasuki is busy making money and calling people asshats, the Hiruma is off doing secret scout things, the Kuni is praying, the blind Hida is dueling everyone the Yasuki calls an asshat... and I am anti-social and bored to death.
GM: Are you just going to sit in your room then?
Kaiu Tsukaba: I guess? I mean, we have wood so I could craft some figurines... Like some little Hida soldiers and Hiruma scouts and maybe some Mantis guys too... and I could make a model of the keep... put all my figures in it and make them all fight one another. I bet I could make this a neat little war game too.
GM: So you just sit in your room and end up making Warhammer?!?

---

Yasuki Sunshine: Go cocaine monkey! Do my bidding!
GM: What is it doing?
Yasuki Sunshine: I don't know... I guess just rattling a can in people's faces until they give it money.
GM: Uh... ok?
Yasuki Sunshine: ANGRILY! *Shakes empty can of soda* Neeeeeeeh! *Skeletor noises*

---

Kuni Ranma: Look, I figured out this spell that lights any tainted people who pass over it on fire.
Hiruma Josuke: Aren't there some Spider clan people here? Let's set it up and watch some dudes catch fire.
Kuni Ranma: Sure, I set it up in the main doorway.
GM: Uh... So after some time a random man catches fire as he steps through the door.
Hiruma Josuke: I shoot him with two arrows in the head.
Kuni Ranma: Perfect. I will grab the popcorn.

---

GM: So the blind guy with the ears of a hawk is the only one to hear the faint screams coming from miles away.
Hida Iso: That girlish scream! It must be Yasuki Sunshine!

---

GM: Three monks sit down and one places a bag of Koku on the table, saying nothing.
Yasuki Sunshine: Uh... I take the Koku?
GM: The monk slowly pulls the money back.
Yasuki Sunshine: I offer some 'special tea'?
GM: After tasting it, the monk takes a single Koku out and places it in front of you.
Yasuki Sunshine: I... have the cocaine monkey place a bag of cocaine down?
GM: The monk takes the bag, stands up, and walks away. Leaving the bag of twenty Koku on the table.
Yasuki Sunshine: Yay?

---

Yasuki Sunshine: Hey you. *Pointing to a random merchant.* You're an asshat, give me your money.
GM: The man is angry at you and pulls his sword.
Yasuki Sunshine: Neeeeeh *Skeletor noises* Duel my Yojimbo to the death!
GM: The man knows what happens, refusing the duel, and looks like he is simply going to stab you. Everyone else in the room begins to draw blades and argue with each other at what is happening.
Hiruma Josuke: Everyone attack?
GM: And it turned into a ballroom blitz.

---

Yasuki Sunshine: Not the face! Neeeeeh *Skeletor noises*
Kuni Ranma: I cast Grasping Stone to keep the man from attacking Sunshine.
*Rolls casting check*
*Dice keep exploding and the roll equals over 100*
GM: Wow, uh... The stone hands reach up out of the ground and drag the merchant under, he will never be found again.
Kuni Ranma: :smalleek:

---

Hida Iso: Alright, I've had enough of this ****. I walk through the room to where I can hear Sunshine's girlish screams, grab him, and pin him against the wall. *Succeeds check to do so*
Yasuki Sunshine: Neeeeeh! *Skeletor Noises* Unhand me!
Hida Iso: I am sick of cleaning up your messes, stop calling people asshats!
Yasuki Sunshine: Never!!!

---

GM: So the monk from earlier steps onto the stage, presenting the cocaine that you had given him and showing the court that you are 'an asshat'.
Yasuki Sunshine: That could be anyone's cocaine!
GM: He also has your cocaine monkey in a cage.
Yasuki Sunshine: Well damn.
GM: The lord of the keep comes forward and sanctions your Seppuku order on the spot. Any last words before you commit Seppuku in front of the court.
Yasuki Sunshine: Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!
Party: ...
GM: The court is forever haunted by the faint, girlish cries of Yasuki Sunshine.

---

Hida Iso: "Here is to our fallen comrade.

He may have not been the best person but he was one of us, Crab Clan. Though collecting money was the only thing he was good at, we cannot dismiss his revenue for the clan. Though he may have got into fights and handled illegal substances, at his core he still served the Crab Clan. Though his actions were corrupt enough that I, a blind man, could see them, they were still useful to the clan. And though we may not miss his dying cries of pain let loose at even the slightest provocation, we will still remember him for what he did for the clan. For he may not have been much, but he was still in fact Crab Clan.

Goodbye, cocaine monkey."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GreenZ

"...Goodbye, cocaine monkey."

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Best. Punchline. Ever.

this is less of a funny quote, and more of a badass quote, but I feal like sharing it anyway.

Hello. My name is Diamond. I'm over a thousand years old, Diamond dogs have nightmare's about me, over spring break my friends and I fought a trio of dragons and rescued a princess, One of my best friends is both a dragon and the adopted son of Queen Arlia, making him a prince, I may or may not have one of any number of projectile weapons on my person right now, and I swear on my heart that I'm not making any of this up.

Please give my friend his figurine back, and we won't have any trouble..

Spoiler: Context

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My character is ten years old and missing a leg.

Friendly NPC is being bullied.

My character walks over, gives that (Completely true) speech, and I then roll a critical on my intimidation roll(Two sixs on a 2 six system)

This is the same game as the mushroom Samba quote I did before, by the way.

Archer: is there a way i could put poison on my arrows?
Me: i'm sure the Alchemist would be glad to make you some poison. but you'd have to pay him, or do favours for him or something?
random player and alchemist: hehehe.. 'favours'
Me: damn it guys
Archer: i guess i could put some ranks in Profession: Prostitute
Me: ... *facepalm*

It was funny... And then it just...
Yea. No.

"I've created kosher bacon."

"You're gonna hunt Jewish vampires."
"I'm trying to figure out if whether or not the blood they drink is kosher."
"So, what's our weapons for the hunt? Silver David stars or 18 dollar checks?"

GM: "I bought extra dividers so that I can keep all my cases separated. Otherwise they'd all jumble together and you'd see Jersey Devils again."
Amaya: "Jevels from Jerwls?"
GM: "Speaking of being jumbled, someone rolled a 1 on English."

GM: "Okay, so what is the plan?"
Nicolette: "I believe Amaya was looking for an independent surveyor?"
Amaya: "No, I'm going to the local university to find a geologist to study my rock sample."
Nicolette: "And then you are looking for an independent surveyor?"
GM: "Where are you getting the surveyor idea?"
Amaya: "Nicolette, for the next hour the words 'independent' and 'surveyor' will not be in your vocabulary. No go see the local Indian Affairs office. I'm off to the nearest uni."
GM: "So you take separate cars?"
Amaya: "I can't drive. Someone would have to drive me. Unless they have a broom here I can fly?"
Alexander: "What kind of broom? A Cleansweep?"
Ronnie: "A Firebolt."
Alexander: "Nice!"
GM: "Ugh..."
Amaya: "Okay, we'll Quiddich."

Amaya: "I have this rock samp-"
Alexander: (OOC) "Grrrah!"
Amaya: "...?"
Alexander: "Sorry, I didn't want my message sent there."
Amaya: "Excuse the cleric. His prayer got sent to the wrong god."

GM: "I hope it works like an Anti-hymen field. Err, I mean Anti-magic field."

Alexander: "I rolled a 31 on Theology. Can you keep a baby from destroying my laptop?"

MOAR Quotes~

Spoiler

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Nicolette: "How about this- we have someone in OPRI who could talk to NASA and-"
GM: "Take 52 points of damage."
Cell Phone: *Ring ring ring*
Nicolette: "Hold that B.S., I gotta take this."

GM: "Alexander, you do have a potion of cure."
Alexander: "Sweet, forgot about that. Is it Cure Light or Cure Minor wounds?"
Amaya: "Cure Light wounds. Cure Minor wounds might as well be a tic-tac."

Amaya: "What is your bat's name?"
Alexander: "My bat's name?"
Nicolette: "Dog."

Nicolette: "I go back inside the trailer. Is Maritza drinking anything?"
GM: "Yes, the blood of children."
Nicolette: "Success!"

Nicolette: "You got charged with Fourty-Two counts of prostitution in one day?! What happened?!"
Ronnie: "Well, it was a funny thing that started at K-Mart this morning-"
Nicolette: "There's a story to this?!"

Nicolette: (Uses Amaya's d20) "Eleven."
Amaya: "So you're the one sucking up all my good rolls."
Nicolette: "An eleven is a good roll?"
GM: "Compared to all the sixes that Amaya is rolling after bonuses? Yeah."

Amaya: "So if the workers don't give off heat..."
Alexander: "And they have a magical illusion about them..."
Nicolette: "And no one got hurt in these accidents... are the workers not alive?"
Amaya: "They're dead?"
Alexander: "More precisely- Undead."
Amaya: "At what point did this case go from investigating Maritza's broken drill to searching a mine for a necromancer?"
Nicolette: "I got it! Cadaver dog!"
Ares: "What, they have dead dogs too?"
Nicolette: "No, dogs that look for dead people."
Alexander: "So either the dog finds nothing or its head is going to explode."
Ronnie: "Hello, what's that Timmy? Lassie went into a mine shaft and her face detonated from the scent of evil?"

Ancestral Goblin Spirit 1: I'd say that attack roll got mixed reviews.
Ancestral Goblin Spirit 2: Mixed reviews?
Ancestral Goblin Spirit 1: Well it certainly wasn't a critical hit!
Both: DO-HO-HO-HO-HOH!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cowardly Griffo

Ancestral Goblin Spirit 1: I'd say that attack roll got mixed reviews.
Ancestral Goblin Spirit 2: Mixed reviews?
Ancestral Goblin Spirit 1: Well it certainly wasn't a critical hit!
Both: DO-HO-HO-HO-HOH!!!

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Someone actually managed to do a Muppets reference? Kudos!

Lisa: I'd be worried if anyone on this ship would find me remotely attractive-- aw, dangit.

--

Ray: Since I really don't want to witness this, I'm going to let my collapsible fishing rod sneeze.

--

Lisa: I am Lisa Lettertype of Lionfish Village. I have journeyed far and wide on a most righteous quest to reclaim possession of an overdue library book. Should you attempt to stop me, I will be more than happy to beat you to death with the exact same dictionary which slaughtered the wild boars, werewolves and pirates that came before you.

--

Ray: I think we just sank our GM.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by D.KnightSpider

Lisa: I am Lisa Lettertype of Lionfish Village. I have journeyed far and wide on a most righteous quest to reclaim possession of an overdue library book. Should you attempt to stop me, I will be more than happy to beat you to death with the exact same dictionary which slaughtered the wild boars, werewolves and pirates that came before you.

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Spoiler: Large GIF

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http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/20...14-d4z8tvt.gif

More from my Pathfinder group's last session:

Farmers: "Why should we risk our lives?"
PC: "I give a rousing speech to rally the farmers to our cause."
Me: "Alright, give me a diplomacy roll and the gist of your speech."
*rolls a 1 with no diplomacy ranks*
PC: *sees he's tanked it* "F*** you, that's why!"

"There's no point in negotiating with you. You're a creature of pure, innate goodness; I know you won't help us."

PC1: "Bassa you bastard! How dare you betray us before we could betray you!"
PC2: "Yeah, you can't trust an ettercap. Who knew?"

Me: "Ok, the unicorn believes you. Now he just thinks you're both idiots."
PCs: "Score! That's a net gain."

PC: "I struggle against the spider webs."
*Natural 1 on strength check.*
Me: "Pretty sure they're stronger now than when you started."

PC: "I give an inspiring speech and tell the villagers that they're now under our protection!"
Me: "Alright."
PC: "Alright, is that a bluff or diplomacy?"
Mr: "Hrm?"
PC: "Well obviously I don't mean it."

Necronpc:And yet you would still stand before me? Who now has risen as a god of death? You should be worshipping me, not defying me? I give one last chance to live.
Kreig: I have a better Idea: you go screw yourself and drop the delusions of grandeur, or die a very slow, painful death.
NecroNPC:*shoots black ray of energy from hand*
DM:Whelp, Hand of Death, you're dead now
Player: Read level 6 feat and fort save.
DM:Pawn of the Great Game, +30.
DM:...
DM:You cheeky SOAB.
Kreig: You power only extends to the pathetic whelps controlled by the forces of life and death. My time is determined by a much higher force. So what are you with all your fancy powers coming so nothing? A tiny man in overly-dramatic robes. You think you can rule the world entirely on your own power? You can't even kill one man, with not a drop of magic in his blood.Now die, and face justice.

Spoiler: Note

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This Kreig is a different one from the precious one, though both were built around exploiting loopholes in their respective systems to become nigh-invincible.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Necroticplague

Necronpc:And yet you would still stand before me? Who now has risen as a god of death? You should be worshipping me, not defying me? I give one last chance to live.
Kreig: I have a better Idea: you go screw yourself and drop the delusions of grandeur, or die a very slow, painful death.
NecroNPC:*shoots black ray of energy from hand*
DM:Whelp, Hand of Death, you're dead now
Player: Read level 6 feat and fort save.
DM:Pawn of the Great Game, +30.
DM:...
DM:You cheeky SOAB.
Kreig: You power only extends to the pathetic whelps controlled by the forces of life and death. My time is determined by a much higher force. So what are you with all your fancy powers coming so nothing? A tiny man in overly-dramatic robes. You think you can rule the world entirely on your own power? You can't even kill one man, with not a drop of magic in his blood.Now die, and face justice.

Spoiler: Note

Show

This Kreig is a different one from the precious one, though both were built around exploiting loopholes in their respective systems to become nigh-invincible.

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I know this is no context, but what does "Pawn of the great game" do?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kidjake

[Snip]

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These are the same players as your M&M game, right? They have to be.:smalltongue:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rater202

I know this is no context, but what does "Pawn of the great game" do?

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If you would be killed by a death effect or reduced from positive hit points to -10, make a DC [25 - character level] Fortitude save. If you succeed, you take two points of Strength and Constitution drain and are at 1 hit point instead.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sith_Happens

These are the same players as your M&M game, right? They have to be.:smalltongue:

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I think I just bring out the worst in people.

PbP game here, which the last batch of quotes came from too:

"We're cat-napping our Druid."

"What's your Desert Wind Flurry of Blows refluffed as?"
"Bad burritos."

"We're not racist towards cats."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Necroticplague

Necronpc:And yet you would still stand before me? Who now has risen as a god of death? You should be worshipping me, not defying me? I give one last chance to live.
Kreig: I have a better Idea: you go screw yourself and drop the delusions of grandeur, or die a very slow, painful death.
NecroNPC:*shoots black ray of energy from hand*
DM:Whelp, Hand of Death, you're dead now
Player: Read level 6 feat and fort save.
DM:Pawn of the Great Game, +30.
DM:...
DM:You cheeky SOAB.
Kreig: You power only extends to the pathetic whelps controlled by the forces of life and death. My time is determined by a much higher force. So what are you with all your fancy powers coming so nothing? A tiny man in overly-dramatic robes. You think you can rule the world entirely on your own power? You can't even kill one man, with not a drop of magic in his blood.Now die, and face justice.

Spoiler: Note

Show

This Kreig is a different one from the precious one, though both were built around exploiting loopholes in their respective systems to become nigh-invincible.

---

Why do I believe the appropriate response would be:
"Imagine that. Let me try again."
And then blast him a couple more times until the con and str or extra damage kills him?

Amaya: "Until I get my pizza, I'm holding Nicolette's coffee hostage."

Nicolette: "Ack, I can't speak English today."
Amaya: "You're in Texas, no one will notice."
Ronnie: "Hello, the miners barely speak at all."
Amaya: "That's another thing. They don't seem to have a life."
Ronnie: "Ha-ha, double entrandre!"
Amaya: "Double what?"
Ronnie: "...No speak de English."

Alexander: "So if the workers are undead, then the mining company has an excellent source of cheap labor."
Amaya: "Whoever came up with this is either completely insane or a F***ing genius. Maybe both."
Nicolette: "Not when the mining union hears about this."
Ronnie: "Hello, what are they gonna do? Kill the undead? Again?"

Nicolette: "I think the mining equipment breakdown is related to the undead."
Amaya: "Maybe not a direct relation- What if there is a second spellcaster against the idea of the first caster using the undead labor?"
Alexander: "Hmm, so number two is using magical sabotage against number one?"
Amaya: "Exactly. A rivalry is happening."
Nicolette: "So you think using undead labor is legit?"
Amaya: "I never said that."
Ronnie: "Hello, nothing in Federal law says it's wrong."
Alexander: "Pelor's teachings, on the other hand, isn't as forgiving to necromancy."
Nicolette: "So... we call the Pope?"

Ronnie: "Criminy, this explains Windows ME!"

Maritza: *Hands Amaya a note and walks away*
Amaya: (Reads the paper) "Hmmm, suspicion confirmed. Maritza knows magic."
Nicolette: "Really now?"
Amaya: "She just wrote to me in magical runes. It says she's surprised that I know magic and she wonders since when did the FBI start employing witches."
Nicolette: "I would say since the Reagan administration, but I'll count you as the first."

Amaya: "Ask Ares if any employees took a sick day."
Nicolette: "Ares, see if-"
Ares: "Nope. I explode. Done!"
Nicolette: "Forget sick days, Ares just called in dead."

Nicolette: "So do witches use Mage Hand as foreplay with each other?"
Amaya: "Not on the first date."
Ronnie: "Hello, I'll break that rule."

MOAR Quotes:

Spoiler

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Nicolette: "I ask the secretary if I can see the doctor."
GM: "The secretary puts down the phone and picks up a shotgun."
Nicolette: "I pull out my Desert Eagle. This will be a good match. Her barrel should be only slightly shorter than mine."

Megatron: "All hail the Allspark!"
Soundwave: "Sir, that's a Dreamcast."
Megatron: "Hush!"

Nicolette: "It's Eddie Van Halen after the 'All you can eat' tour."

GM: "Nicolette, Ronnie, you two arrive back at the mine."
Ronnie: (Leap out the sunroof onto the ground) "Hello, danger sense tingling. Where's Jail-bait?"
Nicolette: "I call Amaya."
Amaya: (Answers cell phone) "Ugh... Hell?"
Nicolette: "Amaya, where are you?"
Amaya: "I see... dirt, dirt... cactus... dirt..."
Nicolette: "You're describing half of Texas."

Amaya: "Ugh..."
Alexander: *Casts Cure Minor Wounds* "HP restored."
Amaya: "Oh, I feel better."
Alexander: "But you're still hungry."

Nicolette: "Only in Texas in the middle of the desert can someone be date raped."

Ronnie, Alexander, & Amaya: *Heads to Maritza's trailer and knocks on the door*
Maritza: "Yes?"
Amaya: "Hi. Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and Dorothy here to see the Wizard."
Ronnie: "Hello, no heart!"
Maritza: "...?"

Amaya: "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-"
Alexander: "Are you going New York Super Sayan mode??"

Amaya: "Did she... did she just just snap her own neck?"
Alexander: "It sounded so. That's really unusual."
Nicolette: "She's one tough human."
Alexander: "Dude, Batman couldn't do that."

Amaya: "Brilliant, are we forming the fellowship of the ring?"
Ronnie: "Hello, and my axe-kick!"

Nicolette: "My god, it smells like old feet wrapped in bacon."

Amaya: "Whatever is down there, it's intelligent. I threw some rocks down the tunnel. It threw one back and nearly took off my head."
Nicolette: "Well, can you communucate with it? Find out what it wants?"
Amaya: "I can't communicate with it. It's the darkness, it doesn't have a motivation!"
Nicolette: "Can you cast Magic Missile at it?"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Necroticplague

This Kreig is a different one from the precious one, though both were built around exploiting loopholes in their respective systems to become nigh-invincible.

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To be fair, if this DM is the same as the "What's Waldo" one, it sounds like they have a tendency to give their villains grandiose speeches and then kill PCs before the combat starts. Aggressive self-defense may be a reasonable reaction. :P

(Speaking as someone peering at the situation through a very narrow pinhole, so take that with a grain of salt and/or an apology)

Woo, new round.
DM: As you shake the halfling eventually a pouch of gold falls out, one with your sigil.
Ranger: I knew it *Pockets it*
Me: Hey! Don't steal from him!
Ranger: That's my sigal.
Me: No, I saw it on his coin purse before, you must have the same sigals... Which wouldn't be too surprising since we're planeswalkers from across the multi-verse. Now you give him his purse back.
DM [IC]: .... Roll Bluff at -10.
*Rolling, I roll high with my nerfed mod, he rolls low with his great mod*
Ranger [OOC]: Ha I win by one!
DM [OOC]: You know he's lying.

----

*1 Round of Combat with surprise round supporting ranger [level 8] vs 2 level 4's and a 5*
DM: The mage [Me] crawls forwards and beats [Rangers] head in with a peice of broken table... The ranger initiated with lethal damage and as per red mark rules, you may divy up loot... All I can say is that I did my job warning you all as a DM and why the hell does this always happen to me!

*Later*
DM: [Ranger], having his genitals removed and nailed to the door, killed attacking new walkers who were much weaker, and later having his corpse found headless, pants around ankles and castrated, is thoroughly shamed, as is the guild of Light and Dark, for one of it's members being so thoroughly beaten, shamed, and for his attacking of new arrivals, however the exact outcome of this remains to be seen.
Me: It involves my character moving to the other side of the city and laying low for a while. Oh, and you two can crash at my place.


Yea... That session went really well despite also going really badly.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DigoDragon

Amaya: "Until I get my pizza, I'm holding Nicolette's coffee hostage."

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I actually read this in Raven's voice and it was glorious.

Quote:

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Amaya: "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-"
Alexander: "Are you going New York Super Sayan mode??"

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SPOILER ALERT: Yes.:smallbiggrin:

Quote:

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Nicolette: "My god, it smells like old feet wrapped in bacon."

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Mmmmmmmm... I mean eeeeeeewww.

<.<

>.>

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sith_Happens

I actually read this in Raven's voice and it was glorious.

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I am now reading all of Amaya's lines in Raven's voice. Alternatively, Starfire's. Either one works.


Me, the hacker/demolitions expert, setting up security for a HVT: I rig the soda machine to explode if anyone tries to buy anything.
GM: What? Why?
Me: What, you've never gotten thirsty on an op?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cowardly Griffo

To be fair, if this DM is the same as the "What's Waldo" one, it sounds like they have a tendency to give their villains grandiose speeches and then kill PCs before the combat starts. Aggressive self-defense may be a reasonable reaction. :P

(Speaking as someone peering at the situation through a very narrow pinhole, so take that with a grain of salt and/or an apology)

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Spoiler: Response, bit off topic

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Actually, Shibu was a PC of mine. She pretended to be mind-controlled by the primary antagonist in order to learn more about him, and this "sub-boss battle" was one of the last parts of the plan. Stacked all factor as far in my favor as possible (I was only one with mundane flight, so place was filled with pit traps. Shadow creature with a devil's see in darkness, so place was magically darkened. Mage had most potent battlefield control, choked him first. Place was silenced once the fight started, they couldn't hear if another member fell.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ZeroGear

Why do I believe the appropriate response would be:
"Imagine that. Let me try again."
And then blast him a couple more times until the con and str or extra damage kills him?

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Spoiler: Spoiler because kinda away from main topic

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That's why he walked around with neberius bound to him and a strongheart vest with 2 essentia in it bound to his waist at all times. And has a neklace made out of a bunch of +1 shuriken on a string, each one being a Spellblade for a different spell that could deactivate magic items or destroy them (including dispel magic, greater dispel magic, disjunction, antimagic field, antimagic ray, shatter, disintegrate, polymorph any object). He most certainly tried, going through a roulette of attempts to get past me. He ended up just trying to blast me, but he turned out to not have Searing Spell, and was thus unable to harm me (gheden troll-blooded human using ring of universal energy immunity).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sith_Happens

I actually read this in Raven's voice and it was glorious.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by IAmTehDave

I am now reading all of Amaya's lines in Raven's voice.

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Raven was a major influence in how I delivered Amaya's lines. It was sometimes hard to speak in a deadpan voice when the jokers at the table were acting up though. :smallbiggrin:

Note: Different DM on tuesdays. And 5th Ed.

DM: So [Ranger] takes 10 electricity damage, the [Other Mage] Takes 6 Electricity Damage, and [Me] Takes 12 Electricity Damage]
Me: Shocking.
*Pause of laughter*
Peanut Gallery: You take another 2 thunder damage for the pun.
DM: No... No I liked that one. He delivered it well.

[Ranger]: I'm running.
[Other Mage]: It wasn't me that attacked you! Don't attack me!
DM: Roll Diplomacy.
[Other Mage]: ... 1
DM: The three still angry willowisps gang up on [Me] and you take *Rolls* 22 Damage [My origional HP]
Me: Ok... I would be dead on -12, but that's survivable in next...
*Is healed a few turns later*
Me: So... What do you think of my new 'fro?


DM: No, The only magical evening, which was a bad one, tonight was with [Ranger] and his duaghter's guardian [Pixie].
Me: So... Is he openly fey?
*Table dies laughing for a few minutes, DM included*
DM: Erik... You can't keep doing that.

[[Thing's I'm no longer allowed to do only refereed to elves, not human rangers]]

DM: After waiting for the someone to finish picking the lock a dockworker like person looks at you in surprise. Your held action?
Me: *Rolls* Sleep spell affecting 28 HP.
DM: He promptly falls on his face.
Me: Good, Rogue, come here and stand gaurd, kick him when I say. I cast dancing lights, conjuring four orbs of magic which I juggle, and tell [rogue] to kick the smuggler awake.
DM: Upon waking up the smuggler looks from the goblin to the mage juggling balls of magic and immidiately say "I want to turn myself into the police!"
Me: I catch the balls and glare at him.

No context? Sure.

"It's an ethereal undead abomination from Hell, but the question is: Will It Blend?"

Spoiler: Did it?

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Yes, it did blend.

Players 1 & 2: *walk into room*
DM: [To Player 3] "So do you shiv Pun-Pun?"
Players 1 & 2: *double-take*

"You caught me, I'm actually a sentient bag of oranges."

"...My computer just autocorrected 'oranges' to 'organs.' Quote, 'You caught me, I'm actually a sentient bag of organs.'"
"Technically he is."
"YOU ARE TECHNICALLY CORRECT, THE BEST KIND OF CORRECT."

Player 1: "...Oops, did I say CR-3? I meant -4. Whatever, this thing's not actually that tough. Or rather, it wouldn't if [PC 2] wasn't in prison with nothing but a loincloth."
Player 2: "What makes you think I'm wearing a loincloth?"

Player 1: "With all this whooshing it must be Temoc."
Player 2: "...I definitely wouldn't want to encounter a Temoc in D&D."
Player 3: "What's a Temoc?"
Player 2: "It's UTD's mascot, look it up."
Player 1: "It's horrifying."

PC 1: "I participate in the hoedown."
PC 2: "No you don't."
PC 1: "I participate in the hoedown."
PC 2: "NO YOU DON'T."
Player 3: [In East-Texas accent] "Uh oh, looks like this is winding up to be a hoedown throwdown."
Player 4: "...Just leave."

"So I was looking for the Bard and found the bar. Again."

"You find that you are married to nearly half the village."

"Who sprayed mustard all over my sink?"
"Are you sure that's not your vomit?"

"Shockingly, the Barbarian is good at hitting things."

"I'm sorry, but nudity is forbidden by city ordinance."
"Well you see that's a problem. To get pants I need to get into the city, but to get into the city I need pants."

"Please put us in a situation where I can ballroom twerk."
"That's called 'being in a ballroom.'"

DM: The Dragon swoops down on [Player 1]
P1: It's terrifying!
P2: It was inevitable.
DM: ... Okay, no more Dwarf Fortress for either of you.