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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheTeaMustFlow
Hmmph. These moderns, with their 'science' nonsense. Magic is an art. It is the art. Even the spooniest of Bards could tell you that. You might as well try to measure beauty. Apprentices these days...
You've not been keeping up with bardic research. There are several units of measurement for the many different types of beauty. The physical beauty of a sapient being, for instance, is measured in potential ships launched. 1,000 PSLs is equal to one Helen.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JAL_1138
You've not been keeping up with bardic research. There are several units of measurement for the many different types of beauty. The physical beauty of a sapient being, for instance, is measured in potential ships launched. 1,000 PSLs is equal to one Helen.
dumb, dumber, dumbest vol II guide book to understand bards khadgar the wise.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheTeaMustFlow
Hmmph. These moderns, with their 'science' nonsense. Magic is an art. It is the art. Even the spooniest of Bards could tell you that. You might as well try to measure beauty. Apprentices these days...
Bards? May as well talk about sorcery. The instinctive grasp of certain magical procedures is an impressive talent, of course, but acting without understanding leads to far more mayhem and mishap. Hilarious as it may be from a distance, it is hardly desirable when one is performing it, oneself.
Besides, magic is barely a science any more than any other field of international law and contract enforcement and interpretation. Sure, you can use the scientific method to check your theories of what works together, but the majority of magic is making sure your agreements with the fundamental forces are iron clad. Slip up, and they can take highly unfortunate liberties.
I point you to...
772: The Art of Spell Research - Know Your Elemental Memes and How to Combine Them by S. Stormlord
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
I admit I only read the first post and haven't gone through all of the pages, so apologies if any of these repeat what others have already posted.
- 773: Why End at Death: the Moral Case of Necromancy - Hazu Tekkel
- 774: Death's Revolving Door: an Examination on the Effects of Repeated Resurrections on the Psyche - Ka Zay Juvee Zed Klore
- 775: Loving the Dead: the Regularity of Necrophilia Among Necromancers - Vee Proglo
- 776: Magic Over Matter: How So Many Creatures Overcome the Square-Cube Law - Avara'Udomo'Effezi
- 777: The Art of Contracts: A Practical Guide to Tempting, Exploiting, and Profiting from Mortals - Mudoru, Infernal Duke of the Nine Hells
- 778: Scamming Fiends: How to Make Deals with Devils and Come Out on Top - Q. H. Ossoman
- 779: Final Destination: How to Live as You Please and Still Go to the Afterlife You Want - Q. H. Ossoman
- 780: Godless Life: Exploring Healing Without Divine Power - Mara Mrell
- 781: Yes Ykzovligx: My Half Century as an Aboleth's Thrall - Jar'Vel Hashoni
- 782: Rise and Fall of Tashla, Archmage and Queen of Redwater - Rivany Junn
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
783: Words of Power, and How to Remember Them. By K. V. N-. (The authors last name, though it appears to have been present st one time, has been destroyed and torn from the cover and title pages.)
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JAL_1138
You've not been keeping up with bardic research. There are several units of measurement for the many different types of beauty. The physical beauty of a sapient being, for instance, is measured in potential ships launched. 1,000 PSLs is equal to one Helen.
Wait, so that makes it one KPSL? What's a MPSL, or a heavens forbid a GPSL?
Hmmmm...
784. How Many Ships Can Your Face Launch? A practical Guide to Illusions and Shapeshifting
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JAL_1138
You've not been keeping up with bardic research. There are several units of measurement for the many different types of beauty. The physical beauty of a sapient being, for instance, is measured in potential ships launched. 1,000 PSLs is equal to one Helen.
Pfft the value of a PSL is prone to inflation nowadays we us ppwnfl
potential percent of worldwide naval forces launched
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JAL_1138
You've not been keeping up with bardic research. There are several units of measurement for the many different types of beauty. The physical beauty of a sapient being, for instance, is measured in potential ships launched. 1,000 PSLs is equal to one Helen.
Apprentice Bards these days, as well. Didn't your teachers ever tell you about marigolds, measuring of? Deekin and Gimble must be turning in their unmarked graves...
Also, you cost me a perfectly good cup of tea, on account of my laughing while drinking it. I demand satisfaction, sir.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Segev
Bards? May as well talk about sorcery. The instinctive grasp of certain magical procedures is an impressive talent, of course, but acting without understanding leads to far more mayhem and mishap. Hilarious as it may be from a distance, it is hardly desirable when one is performing it, oneself.
Faugh, I say. Faugh. I said nothing of acting, or lacking understanding. Wizardry is no mere parlour trick, no chorus show, this I grant you. When I say it is art, I of course mean a highart - but a high art nonetheless. It is poetry and sculpture both. And only the most refined mind can be considered suited for it. A crass entertainer may aspire but to be a bard. A sophist must content themselves with sorcery, but nothing more. A mere bean counter, such as your earlier comments would recommend, is suited only for the artificer's path, if that.
Quote:
Besides, magic is barely a science any more than any other field of international law and contract enforcement and interpretation. Sure, you can use the scientific method to check your theories of what works together, but the majority of magic is making sure your agreements with the fundamental forces are iron clad. Slip up, and they can take highly unfortunate liberties.
I point you to...
772: The Art of Spell Research - Know Your Elemental Memes and How to Combine Them by S. Stormlord
...But a lawyer? A peddler of contracts? To them belongs only the basest form of magic. If all magic is to you is bargaining and haggling, then call yourself a warlock and be damned.
I humbly recommend some of my own works, such that the reader may not be lead astray from the true ways of magic by such follies.
785: Ars Gratia Arcanis: A Primer on Wizarding Philosophy for the Aspiring Novice, by Archmage T.T.M. Flow,
786: De Re Divinari: On the Moral and Legal Implications of the Use of Divination in Legal Proceedings. Ibid.
787: Ignus Stultorum Magister: A Warning Against the Use of Forbidden Magicks, and a Full and Truthful Account of the Dangers Therein. Ibid.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheTeaMustFlow
...But a lawyer? A peddler of contracts? To them belongs only the basest form of magic. If all magic is to you is bargaining and haggling, then call yourself a warlock and be damned.
Oh, no, my dear friend and colleague. Not a contract lawyer. A rules lawyer. Besides, warlocks aren't proper masters of the contract. They're the pop stars of the magical world, signing exclusive contracts with one label and then spending the rest of their undereducated lives regretting it...or not even knowing enough to regret it.
No, no, a proper wizard knows the rules of every contract with every magical force ever made, and how to exploit them. How to twist their letter to his intent, and invoke them like pieces of technology working together. To engineer with contract law a wholly new result.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheTeaMustFlow
Apprentice Bards these days, as well. Didn't your teachers ever tell you about marigolds, measuring of? Deekin and Gimble must be turning in their unmarked graves...
The inchworm tune? (As an aside, I rather favor Graves' take on marigolds over it—"New beginnings and new shoots/ Spring again from hidden roots./ Pull or stab or cut or burn/ They will ever yet return.") The inchworm, measuring without observing—a common retort of the anti-intellectual, as though art and science are opposed. Much like the instrumentalist who claims that unlettered playing by "feel" trumps a proper study of music theory, as if knowing the difference between Lydian and Mixolydian ever stopped someone from composing a worthwhile tune, yet who has themselves never ventured beyond the Aeolian and Ionian scales.
Certainly we can see those who fall too far into the trap of modes for modes' sake, who tinker with chords and progressions by rote number to the detriment of expressiveness; there's no doubt that there are such apprentice bards who run the wrong direction with the beginnings of a study of theory. But an understanding of the underlying theory provides a far wider toolbox and a means by which to improve one's composition and performance—just as an understanding of metallurgy improves the smith's work, just as an understanding of anatomy, light, shade, perspective, and even the nature of the pigments used can aid the painter. Materials science can help us understand how to consistently build a violin or harp or lute with a tone that only happy accident could have produced once in a dozen generations without it.
Knowing the "rules" can also help one know how to break them, or how to employ them to best effect to do something never done before—Da Vinci was a scientist and inventor whose studies of anatomy for his art considerably furthered medical science; Picasso was skilled in neoclassicism before he broke with tradition, using his grasp of perspective to shatter and rearrange it; Dalí could paint portraits so real they would be mistaken for photography, and employed that skill to further the strangeness of his surrealism. There is no inherent opposition betwixt art and science—indeed, one may further the other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Beleriphon
Wait, so that makes it one KPSL? What's a MPSL, or a heavens forbid a GPSL?
An MPSL (1 million ships) is simply a KiloHelen. A GPSL (1 billion ships) is an Eccentrica Gallumbits. There was considerable controversy over that one, and there are still bards who feel that the reference is unsuited to settings without widespread space-travel, and still others who contend that the PSL should be based in war fleets, not simply civilian (and/or shore-leave) transports; they've tended to stick to the MegaHelen. Amusingly enough, the latest space-traffic data out of the Eroticon 6 Transit Authority indicates that Eccentrica Gallumbits herself currently rates about 2.4 EGs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheTeaMustFlow
Also, you cost me a perfectly good cup of tea, on account of my laughing while drinking it. I demand satisfaction, sir.
Sorry about the tea. :smalltongue:
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
788. How to Palm Small Pieces of Dangerous Artifacts by Eddie Hawkins.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
789.) Fear of a Green Planet (conductor's score)
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
790.) An evil book that kills anyone who reads it in seven days
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
791: Slight of Mind by H.C.B.D. - A book revolving around ways of mixing stage magic and real magic together
792: Just Sign Here: A guide to mystical contracts by B. Regulus
793: An Arm and a Leg: Sacrificial rituals and you by B. Regulus
794: A treatise on the efficacy of somnulent mystical energies upon members of the genus Aves by R.S. Binns - A paper so tremendously boring that it is far more effective at putting people to sleep than the writer's spells ever were.
795: A Spotter's Guide for Invisible Things by L. Lovegood - A book detailing the habits and habitats of the mystical equivalent of cryptids. However, at least a few of the entries have been proven to be real since the time it was written...
796: The Color of Magic by T. Pratchett - As soon as anyone tries to pick up this book, the arm of an orangutan reaches out from between the shelves and snatches it from them. Examination shows that there is not, in fact, any place behind the shelves for it to have been taken to.
797: Dousing the Stars by ???? - This book is written in an unknown language, and the author's name has been entirely scratched out. Should the text be translated, it will be shown to be a list of various spells that are nigh-impossible to cast and would have apocalyptic ramifications if they ever were to be cast. One of the pages is covered in scribbled hand-written notes. Several of these notes have checkmarks next to them, and one is triple-underlined and circled. The final note on the page says "Well... now I just have to see if it will work."
798: The Iron Tome - This book isn't actually titled, but is instead made entirely from iron. It contains several ancient spells made during a war against the fae (although since then more effective spells have been created, and thus the text is likely useless except as a historical curiosity)
799: The Unknowable Book - The knowledge contained within this book is impossible for a mortal mind to fully comprehend. While it can be read normally with no issue, as soon as the book is closed, the reader will realize that they have no idea what it was they just read, nor any memory of the time spent reading it.
800: The little ebony black book - Contains the true names of several succubi and incubi. My my my.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SomeNerd
800: The little ebony black book - Contains the true names of several succubi and incubi. My my my.
as genie from Aladdin said hey look at here when he conjured the belly dancers you my dear sir found the most important book in whole library so where did i left my emergency mind erase wand.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SomeNerd
798: The Iron Tome - This book isn't actually titled, but is instead made entirely from iron. It contains several ancient spells made during a war against the fae (although since then more effective spells have been created, and thus the text is likely useless except as a historical curiosity)
Given that my home game has both a significant fae element and an obsessive Paladin Librarian, this will become a McGuffin. (The actual use against the Archfey will be to beat them over the head with it).
801. The Genealogy of a Bard, Vol. XLII: Descendants by species: Ny - Oo. compiled by M. ffolk.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
802.) The Public Enquisitor- a series of chapbooks containing slightly inaccurate (and often libelous) information about nobility and other public figures, slightly inaccurate information about potentially mystically portentous phenomena, and numerous tracts calling for an alliance with the Empire of Iuz.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
0803(?) To 0808
Intricacies of Elf Cuisine: A survey of Thri-Kreen delicacies -Om'n Om, Half-Orc Druid
My Education at Gombe Stream -Om'n Om, Half-Orc Druid
The Watcher: My life with the Kreen -Om'n Om, Half-Orc Druid
Tribes of the Thri-Kreen -Om'n Om and D'yann Flossey, Half-Orc Druids.
The Humanoiditarians: Elves and the Kreen - - Marga Ret Powers, Elven Druid
NEZUMI, the Complete Series - Namlegeips Tra: A Survivor's tale from horrors beyond The Wall
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
809: 18 Unconventional Uses for Basilisk Scales by Scaramintrix Thespastrial
810: Eyeball in the Window: A Practical Guide to Scrying From the Ethereal by Ezmond the Soul Raptor
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Okay, I've finally gotten off my butt an updated the first two posts with the complete list so far. I've made a few spelling and capitalization corrections, and eliminated one duplicate (This Old Dungeon was submitted twice, once written by Bob Villain, and the second time by Bob Vila, I kept the Bob Villain version). Also, by my tabulation, Eyeball in the Window is our 833rd title, so the next title should be 834. Cheers!
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lord Torath
By my tabulation, Eyeball in the Window is our 833rd title, so the next title should be 834. Cheers!
834: Past Contracts, pt. 5 - {insert Devil's name here}
835: How Mazes Make to Yourself - Halaster
836: Why the Seelie Court will trick you: A perspective from the Iron Thorn - Verdant Prince Niallghas
837: My Struggle (and plan to conquer all nations) - {insert Demon's name here}
838: Read me please - A devil's Primer on Mortal minions Faithful
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
839: (How many natural 1s did he roll?) The front cover of this book, as well as its contents, are severely burned; close examination reveals it was called "The Beginner's Guide to Cryomancy"
840: (Dryad's Poetry Book) An untitled book of poetry, that seems to be written on tree bark. Closer examination reveals the book is infused with nature magic, and seems to add new pages over time. The quality of the writing is mediocre.
841: Everyday Magic by M.M. Selus - A book regarding practical uses for various magical spells in everyday life.
842: Taming the Untamed by R.J. Cezerik - A theoretical essay on combining wild, eldritch, or otherwise non-arcane magic with more "normal" wizardly spellcasting.
843: Amidst the Fae by Ciri Elosin - An account of the writer's travels through fae lands and interactions with the inhabitants thereof. The book is unfinished.
844: The Forbidden Art - ...seems to be a book about machinery. Oddly enough, no magic seems to be involved, although the machines (if functional) could prove potent even without it. (Machinery found within is non-functional; think the diagrams that Leonardo Da Vinci made. Brilliant, but untested and flawed)
845: Sidereal Travel - A very dull and scholarly text about various methods of non-euclidean travel (such as passing through walls, teleportation, etc). A DC 40 Knowledge: Arcane (DC 30 if playing a wizard with a specialty in Conjuration) check reveals that the information within is horribly out of date.
846: 101 Uses for Sovereign Glue - This book's pages are stuck together
847: MUSCLEMANCY - This book seems to claim that there exists a form of arcane magic channeled through physical strength. This so-called "Swoleceror" is quite clearly insane.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lord Torath
Okay, I've finally gotten off my butt an updated the first two posts with the complete list so far. I've made a few spelling and capitalization corrections, and eliminated one duplicate (This Old Dungeon was submitted twice, once written by Bob Villain, and the second time by Bob Vila, I kept the Bob Villain version). Also, by my tabulation, Eyeball in the Window is our 833rd title, so the next title should be 834. Cheers!
I hate to be the one to point out an error in such a huge undertaking to collect and organize all these entries, but I'm afraid the count is off by one (at least). #608 was duplicated verbatim and entered as #609 as well.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JAL_1138
I hate to be the one to point out an error in such a huge undertaking to collect and organize all these entries, but I'm afraid the count is off by one (at least). #608 was duplicated verbatim and entered as #609 as well.
Er, I think your numbering must be wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Segev
608: Confessions of a Wizard: Yes, I did it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheFamilarRaven
609: Rainbows and Butterflies Without the Compromise: A Guide to Top Quality Magical Reagents
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
I'll recommend the books for the schools of magic I like the most
848: The Transformative Transhuman- a book detailing on how various methods of transforming yourself using magic into another greater being and possible options, from the benign to the most horrible of lich rituals.
849: Guide To Acquiring Interplanar Harems- details how you keep the love of both angel and succubus at the same time while making sure that fire genasi doesn't get angry at having to share you, how to summon them all and gain their favor and so on.
850: Show Me How To Lie- A book detailing how to best use your illusion spells to their fullest potential, when to be subtle with your illusions and when to be spectacular
but really lets give some props to sorcerers:
851: Screw Wizards! A Sorcerers Guide To Magic- A book explaining magic from a sorcerers point of view, and has proven quite popular with the common folk due to its clear common person reading level way of being written, conversational tone and its snarky asides about how wizards think they know everything. Most people are more likely to refer to this book over any drier text that wizards talk about. Its accurate, but puts every thing simpler and easier to understand terms.
852: Screw Wizard Academies! A Sorcerers Guide To The Politics of Wizards- one sorcerers account of spending their time at various wizard academies and breaking down how their various methods and social community not only keeps magic out of the hands of the common people where it could benefit more, but also encourages the wizards within to betray each other for knowledge and seek ultimate power without consideration for anyone else, thus keeping knowledge among themselves stagnant and constantly being setback.
853: Screw Wizard Minds! A Sorcerers Guide to Intelligence- Sets out to debunk the concept that wizards are more intelligent than everyone else by forming the theory of multiple intelligence's and using other forms of magic as proof of them, promoting a message of universal magic acceptance and more free exchange of information between druids, bards, clerics, warlocks, martial artists, sorcerers and so on to learn things that wizards never will being cooped up in their towers.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
854: Screw Sorcerers! A guide for shy young wizards to try to score dates (and other extracurricular activities) with those hot sorcerers and sorceresses.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
855: Bound in His Realm
This fictional book is written from the perspective of a Bound Elemental and details their... unconventional relationship with their summoner. The cover features manacles consisting of fire, lying on a satin sheet.
856: Blindfolded in Her Garden
This book details a man's relationship with a Gorgone. The cover features a statue of a weeping angel.
857: Shipped and Whipped
A causual skimming of this book suggests it is the story of a slave girl abducted by a ghost ship, falling in love with the captain. The cover features a kneeling girl in half-profile from the back, with her back naked. Above her stands a ghostly handsome man with a whip posed to strike.
A more detailed examination reveals that several descrptions of the captain's looks and character have been cross-referenced with:
858: The Golem That Wants YOU! - A Guide to Creating the Perfect Lover
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
860. How to be the arcane man R, FLAİR
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
860: Societal Transmutation: the future impact of magic on our world by Emperor Tippy
This book lays out a vision for the world where magic takes a more substantial role, eliminating food and hunger, providing effortless inter regional trade, creating effective immortality for the masses, and so on. It also provides a guide on how a sufficiently powerful mage could create such a world. It's a wonder it hasn't happened yet...
861: Our Secret Goblin Overlords by Xela Nienelefin
The author seems to believe that a cabal of goblinoids and hobgoblins secretly suppress the world's technological and magical progression. He claims this cabal knows most goblins have little talent for either magic or tecnology, and the current state benefits them more than the intelligent races, so they try to keep the world at this status quo and make sure no one finds out about them. Unlike other conspiracy thesis', such as a king being replaced by a Rakshasa or illithids taking over a church, this one seems quite insane.
862: Extinguishing the Day Star by Count Alucard.
It appears to be a research paper on a means to destroy the sun. Alucard claims to have talked with all manner of denizens such as illithids and drow in his research, but though he lays out several possibilities from plausible to impossible all are clearly still purely theoretical
863: Arcanist Revolution by Kezlar von Yther
A long and rambling script calling for the overthrow of the current world system and the instatement of an "enlightened mageocracy" to guide the masses and lead humanoids to greatness. Quite full of logical fallacies including, but not limited to, begging the question, strawmen, and circular reasoning
864: Arcanist Devolution by Hexvorazlin, silver great wyrm
This seems to have been written as a direct rebuttal to Arcanist Revolution, as it takes each point in that back and deconstructs the flaws and real world counter-examples to each one. It also bears an incredibly cynical take on humanoids in general, seemingly viewing them as child-like at best.
865: The Chains of Lust: the Mazzler Edition by Java Tan, Yuroy Mazzler, and Krveero
An infamously poorly written, cliche, groan inducing, and all around bad fiction book about the forbidden love between a half-human half-succubus and a chain devil, featuring a blank-slate female lead that is an obvious audience self-insert and a hunky devil who is not particularly fiendish, aside from the multiple long and drawn out bondage scenes. This edition "improved" with added text compiled by the legendary bard Mazzler, who was able to convince a Gelugon devil named Krveero to offer commentary on the story with him. The book alternates between the horrible original text, Mazzler's snarky comments, and Krveero's seething, unintentionally hilarious rants about how inaccurate and disgraceful everything in the book is about the lower planes.
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Re: What's on the Shelf: 1001 Essays, Treatises, and Books on Magic
867. From Atop the Dragon's Back: A Series of Faerie Tales and other Stories of Amusement. Collected and edited by the Bard's College.