Originally Posted by Maxus
Saint Iratus was a 8th-Century Paladin who gained divine recognition for his merciful defeat of the Kiron the Tyrant-King of Kroll. History tells us he had Dark King Kiron in a headlock, and was making passable progress towards unscrewing Kiron's head, while delivering a eloquent catolog of the Dark King's lifetime of sowing evil, hatred, and misery, and was screaming "REAP THE WHIRLWIND ****STAIN!" when Sharptooth, his barbarian companion, persuaded him to relent and spare Kiron's life. Kiron later reformed, and joined a monastery which had a vow of silence and also a prohibition against nodding or moving the head.
For his great-hearted compassion and temperance, Iratus was visited by angels in his dreams, and went on a holy journey to Mount Celestia. There, he got permission to cut a golden oak from the high reaches, and fashioned the oak tree into a gorgeous, solid table.
Then he carried the table on his back, to the court of a Balor and chokeslammed the Balor through the table. The table shattered and riddled the Balor with holy splinters. The battle went precipitously downhill for the Balor from there.
Afterwards, Iratus gathered up the pieces, proclaiming he was going to "MAKE SOME ****ING SHIVS OUT OF THIS TABLE, BECAUSE THAT BALOR CAUGHT ON WHITE FIRE WHEN HE HIT THE WOOD AND I WANT TO SEE THAT **** AGAIN!"
He made good on his word, whittling rough daggers and, one on occasion, a wooden sword, out of it, and legend tells that a whole table leg survived intact, and that this was wielded by Saint Iratus as a greatclub to terrific effect in later battles.
After his eventual death, the mourners found his workroom was covered in splinters of the Golden Table, left behind as he whittled out weapons, and they gathered up the holy oak and kept them safe. Soon, Iratus's students and disciples formally declared themselves the Order of Saint Iratus, and the splinters were given out as recognition of great deeds. They also dedicated themselves to Iratus' philosophy of battle and life in general, which ran as such:
1) PUT THAT ARMOR ON AND START RUNNING, YOU HAND****ERS. I SPREAD FLUFFY BUTTERY-SMOOTH GIRLY-MAN MUSCLE LIKE THAT ON MY TOAST FOR BREAKFAST!
2) WHO THE **** SPENDS THEIR TIME PRACTICING THE NINE-CRESCENT WATER MOON STRIKE OF FLUFFY BUNNY BULL****? JUST BEAT THE **** OUT OF THEM! IT WORKS FOR ME!
3) PRACTICE YOUR ****ING MAGIC, DIMCOCK! THAT **** IS ****ING AWESOME!
4) BE COOL TO THE POOR, THE SICK, THE ELDERLY, AND THE LADIES! UNLESS THEY'RE EVIL, THEN KILL SOME OF THEM SO HARD EVERYONE ELSE STRAIGHTENS THEIR **** UP!
As might be gathered, the Iratians pride themselves on their physical strength, and take direct approach to combat, augmented by choice spells and heavy armor; they often emulate Saint Iratus himself by focusing on grappling. They are also generous to the common man (and polite to the ladies/and or men), while being very vocal and demonstrative in their destruction of evil.
Iratus was canonized after his miraculous appearance to a group of downhearted adventurers, who were ready to cease fighting against governmental corruption in a lawless city, some fifty years after his death. Records say he shouted at them for twenty minutes, in profanity that made some observing knackermen vomit, then marched the party to a local gang leader's office and kicked the gang leader in the testicles so hard they flew out his mouth, then gave some money to a street urchin for his sick grandmother and proclaimed "DO IT LIKE THAT ****ERS. IF THE LAWS ARE SERVING EVIL THEY'RE ****ING BAD LAWS AND YOU SHOULD KILL THEM TOO! DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK DOWN HERE AND REPEAT MYSELF." and disappeared while he ranted about the obviousness of his approach.