Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: A Thousand-Yard Stare is not Permission

*Martian/Kryptonian hybrids are not a thing that should ever exist anywhere.

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Originally Posted by Rater202

*Martian/Kryptonian hybrids are not a thing that should ever exist anywhere.

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* Kryptonian vampires should not be a thing either, mostly because we shouldn't be confused as to whether the person gains power from or is destroyed by the sun.
** kryptonian/saiyans hybrids are right out, should not exist anywhere either.
*** and as we agreed upon before, any child of Boruto and Sarada should never come into existence
**** stacking Sharingan with Force User with Red Lantern Ring with Odiumspren is just begging for things to go horribly wrong
***** especially if you used Hemalurgy to put in that last one.

* May not accidentally start a Sanderson discussion
** may not read or comment on peoples opinions of Sanderson if they disagree with me, life is too short to argue about one of my favorite authors when I could be doing more positive things.

Spoiler: On Peter F. Hamilton and other things writing related stuff:

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Ehhh.....I've read Pandora's Star and Judas Unchained, I can tell effort was put into it, but I never was all that grabbed by them? like....all the parts where there, and they all connected, but it just didn't leave all that much of an impression on me.

though I'm a fast reader. I read through things so fast and well that when I have to go on vacation involving planes, I have to make sure I don't read a Stormlight Archive book too fast so that I don't run out of stuff to read even if its just for three days. A stormlight archive book is usually a thousand pages long for context. anything else won't last long enough because its high quality and long. so I don't care if books stay long, I seem to be books target audience, because I can read books like crazy.

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Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard

This.

Sanderson is okay, and I enjoy him when he sticks to shorter books. But unlike Peter F. Hamilton, who I can read a 1000 page book from without looking for something to break the boredom (although I do need to read something else in between times) I've not yet been able to read Sanderson's long books in one go. Although Hamilton is the very specific style of writing that I adore, and always has something happening in at least one of his main plots, and very few subplots (trending towards having seven or so major plot threads that doesn't converge). I wouldn't recommend Hamilton for everybody, but he's very good of you can grok his style.

I'm starting to feel like SF&F needs to go back to shorter books. A series of 300 page books is easier to get into then a series of 1000 page books (my younger brother was convinced that the Stormlight Archive had to be a trilogy, after discovering that it's meant to be ten books he understood exactly why I'd decided to stop reading it).

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I get where you're coming from, but I disagree completely (in a "media quality is subjective so I really like what you apparently don't" kind of way). I've honestly never heard of Hamilton, so I can't comment on that, but what you described as your reading experience with his books seems very similar to mine with Sanderson's, and what you described about your experience with Sanderson is similar to mine with the Wheel of Time, which I am trying to get through now, mostly because Sanderson finished it and I want to read those books. As for the last part, I do agree that doorstoppers are not necessarily the right way to go for SF&F, and I understand how it can intimidate away from the books, but I also think that a book should be the length that it needs to, and the Stormlight Archive is a big-book series. With the amount of worldbuilding, character development, and intrigue (which admittedly it seems like you want less of, explaining your issue with the books) they really can't afford to be any smaller. Anyway, YMMV. He does have some short non-Cosmere stuff that is good too though. Skyward is both sanely-sized and very good.

Because I feel like I have to be at least a little bit on topic:
* Yes, I may make a bard
**Yes, I may have a seafaring soldier background
***Yes, I may max out intelligence and all knowledge-based skills and abilities, including biology, zoology, and geology
****No, I may not be the very model of a modern major general

More Exalted ones:
* May not joke that "In Soviet Prasad, Anathema join US!"
** May not joke that "In Soviet Prasad, we ARE the gods that are worshipped!"
*** May not make a Solar who joins the Pure Way to be "redeemed" and ends up befriending all the Prasadi Dragon-Blooded and working my way up until I unite the Empire under my theocratic rule as a paragon of Prasadi values.
**** May not then use my new position to offer all other Solar Anathema to be redeemed as well and thus try to start a new age of cooperation between Solars and Dragon-Blooded by using the Pure Way as an institution to allow Solars to be accepted without completely overthrowing society in some disastrous revolution.
****** May not use this as a way to hoard Solars and use their power to expand my empire and make it greater than the Realm. This has to go wrong SOMEHOW.
******* May not push my luck by trying to extend this to Abyssals. That will not end well.

* May not refer to Dynasts as "DB Tyrant Classic"
** Lookshyans are not "Dynasts But More Reasonable"
*** Prasadi are not "Dynasts But With Anathema servants"
**** Outcastes are not traitors who all inevitably join Anathema
***** Heaven's Dragons are not underpaid immigrants who the Sidereals outsource their jobs to. Thats what the Immaculate Order is for!
****** The Forest Witches are not VR junkies.

* House Cynis is not the Dragon-Blooded Mafia
** House Ragara is not the Dragon-Blooded Bank- oh wait.
*** House Nellens is not the Realm's Bourgeosie Labor Supply
**** House Peleps is not the Realm's Nav- oh wait
***** House Sesus is not the Realm's Private Military Contractors
****** House Cathak is not the Realm's Super-Star Paladins
******* House Ledaal is not the Realm's Library nor is their motto "Anathema Are Coming"

* My Barbarian has to wear more than just a skirt made of a bear pelt when we're visiting the King of a civilized nation.

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Originally Posted by Rater202

* My Barbarian has to wear more than just a skirt made of a bear pelt when we're visiting the King of a civilized nation.

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** My barbarian should wash his bear pelt on occasion too

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Originally Posted by Rater202

* My Barbarian has to wear more than just a skirt made of a bear pelt when we're visiting the King of a civilized nation.

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Even if he *kilt* it himself.

* My well-meaning Troll may no longer put up a hand-written tear away sign at the local cornerstore when the captain of the crew has mentioned they need to hire a new guy for a heist.
** Especially not if it mentions "doing crimey stuff", "ask for Cap'n Oscar" and has their adress on the tear away slips. (Shadowrun is fun.)

* Grob is also no longer allowed to bring a construction-site floodlight slung to his Krime Gun
** No, even if the rest of the crew has tacticool flashlights slung to their guns,
*** Even if he's "bigger 'an 'em" and "'as a bigger gun."
**** Even if it has a strobe light (And no Grob, waving your hand in front of it really quickly does not count.)
***** Even if he's afraid of the dark.

*there's no such thing as "air-shotgunning, but with a shotgun. into a crowd. repeatedly."
**especially when the mission brief specifically said "non-lethal equipment only".
***point-blank rubber baton ammo will still kill most people.
****even without the bayonnetting of the survivors.

*May not inadvertently spread my apparent RL curse of horrible luck with technological devices failing/breaking to other members of the group.

I may not raise the INT on an animal companion, teach it Linguistics, and then have it fill in for a bard role.

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Originally Posted by TheYell

I may not raise the INT on an animal companion, teach it Linguistics, and then have it fill in for a bard role.

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**Even if its charisma is comparable with both the druid and the fighter.
*** People might even buy the "cute talking tiger or wolf" but not adorable monitor lizard, even if its charisma is higher than that of the other two creatures.

* When my DM tells me, a troll is more charismatic than my tiefling alchemist, I may not proceed to pump a troll full with potions to raise charisma and have him actually pose as my "PR guy"

*Chickens are not the ultimate sorcerers.
**I can not substitute dragons by chickens freely.
***even through chickens have 13 charisma.

Soon, not yet, but soon, I am pretty sure that I will no longer be allowed to include an Illuminati type organization based on Snow White and the Seven Dwarves... If the players figure it out.

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Originally Posted by TheYell

I may not raise the INT on an animal companion, teach it Linguistics, and then have it fill in for a bard role.

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I acctually have a charecter in a game that has a cohort/Animal companion/other stuff as a buffer, the main char is built to be a good buff platform. Another chareter that posseses their phantom from spirtualist -- Yeah, Homebrew, epic, and Tristalt get weird

*I am not allowed to start a mutiny on my first day on board the ship
**Or my second
***Even if the captain and his lackeys are in fact terrible at their jobs

*no shooting the subway orphans.
**no teaching the orphans how to shoot up, either.
***no finding innovative ways to kill kids in game.
****putting their corpses in freezers is both politically incorrect and way the hell out of bounds.

*I may not compel a summoned Balor to play the Bagpipes to gain a bonus on my performance checks if I'm not the one who summoned the Balor.

*A villain may not abuse the fact that talking is a free action to filibuster combat while they come up with a plan.

* Oramus is not Jevil and he doesn't sing eternally in his wings.
** The Unconquered Sun is not four-armed All-Might
*** The Getimians are not WD Gaster
**** Malfeas is not flaming green nuclear Karkat
***** Autochthon is not Wheatley from Portal 2
****** The Sidereals are not jedi
******* The Abyssals are not Sith
******** The Scarlet Dynasty's anthem is not the Imperial March from Star Wars
********* It is no longer appropriate for Infernal Exalted to sing "When your Evil"
********** It is however still perfectly fine for Fair Folk to do so.

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Originally Posted by Rater202

*I may not compel a summoned Balor to play the Bagpipes to gain a bonus on my performance checks if I'm not the one who summoned the Balor.

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Why not? What if my Wizard uses Gate for the Bard to do that?

* I am not to use planar travel or teleportation to exploit legal loopholes.
** If I do it anyway, the Inevitables are coming.
*** Ysgard is not a tax haven.
**** Using Carceri to gitmo my enemies is acceptable, but when they end up subverting the guard-creatures and leading a planar prison break I will have no one to blame but myself.

* Yes, you can melt down the chainmail and use the metal for crafting projects.
** Yes, this includes firearms
*** No, this will not get me a chaingun.

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Originally Posted by TheTeaMustFlow

* I am not to use planar travel or teleportation to exploit legal loopholes.
** If I do it anyway, the Inevitables are coming.
*** Ysgard is not a tax haven.
**** Using Carceri to gitmo my enemies is acceptable, but when they end up subverting the guard-creatures and leading a planar prison break I will have no one to blame but myself.

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:smallannoyed:

That is why I usually use the Positive Energy Plane for that. Either it is undead and vaporizes in seconds, or it is living which is apparently like a microwave, healing the poor bugger until he pops.

* I must speak more languages than Esperanto.

From the 'ejection security in D&D thread:
* Creating demiplanes serves more purposes than having tax havens.

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Originally Posted by Sporeegg

:smallannoyed:

That is why I usually use the Positive Energy Plane for that. Either it is undead and vaporizes in seconds, or it is living which is apparently like a microwave, healing the poor bugger until he pops.

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Actually undead regain hit points while in the positive energy plane and does not have the drawback of exploding because the explosion part does not apply to objects and is resisted by a fortitude save.

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Originally Posted by noob

Actually undead regain hit points while in the positive energy plane and does not have the drawback of exploding because the explosion part does not apply to objects and is resisted by a fortitude save.

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*May NOOOOOOT insert a positive energy plane lich as the villain of my new campaign.
** Even if it would come with the complementary undead horde composed entirely of "light spirits"

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Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard

* I must speak more languages than Esperanto.

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** May not ironically use Esperanto as a way to hide information from people

* May not play an Iselsi just so I can have an excuse to betray everyone -except the PCs- when I need to.

*May not respond to people asking who I am by singing random verses from Sympathy for the Devil.
**even if I'm actually a demon of some kind.

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Originally Posted by Rater202

*May not respond to people asking who I am by singing random verses from Sympathy for the Devil.
**even if I'm actually a demon of some kind.

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***Asmodeus should not introduce himself with references to “Sympathy for the Devil” lyrics either.
****“Devil Went Down to Georgia” is right out.

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Originally Posted by Rater202

*May not respond to people asking who I am by singing random verses from Sympathy for the Devil.
**even if I'm actually a demon of some kind.

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Originally Posted by JAL_1138

***Asmodeus should not introduce himself with references to “Sympathy for the Devil” lyrics either.
****“Devil Went Down to Georgia” is right out.

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*****Demons by Imagine Dragons may not be sung by demons, dragons, half-demonic dragons, or half-dragon demons.