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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lix Lorn
I modelled my voice and about 80% of my personality on kaylee. And named my PC after her. There wasn't MUCH room left in her section of my head for crushing. :smalltongue:
Why is that?
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Because I like her and want to be like her.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
So, for once a question from me that's actually related to the thread topic - apparently, I come across as asexual and/or aromantic*, according to what several of my friends (or one and a few others who agreed, anyway) said recently. Which, y'know, isn't a bad thing, except that I'm not. What exactly might I be doing to give that impression? :smallconfused:
*(The exact wording (or close enough to make no difference) used was "not looking for a relationship, whether physical or not", though I have a hard time seeing how the two would be different.)
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
So, for once a question from me that's actually related to the thread topic - apparently, I come across as asexual and/or aromantic*, according to what several of my friends (or one and a few others who agreed, anyway) said recently. Which, y'know, isn't a bad thing, except that I'm not. What exactly might I be doing to give that impression? :smallconfused:
*(The exact wording (or close enough to make no difference) used was "not looking for a relationship, whether physical or not", though I have a hard time seeing how the two would be different.)
Well, for starters, you might give the appearance of not seeming interested in a relationship.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
So, for once a question from me that's actually related to the thread topic - apparently, I come across as asexual and/or aromantic*, according to what several of my friends (or one and a few others who agreed, anyway) said recently. Which, y'know, isn't a bad thing, except that I'm not. What exactly might I be doing to give that impression? :smallconfused:
Well, do you see people and think 'Wow, they're hot!'
Cause if you do, say so. xD
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
So, for once a question from me that's actually related to the thread topic - apparently, I come across as asexual and/or aromantic*, according to what several of my friends (or one and a few others who agreed, anyway) said recently. Which, y'know, isn't a bad thing, except that I'm not. What exactly might I be doing to give that impression? :smallconfused:
*(The exact wording (or close enough to make no difference) used was "not looking for a relationship, whether physical or not", though I have a hard time seeing how the two would be different.)
Well, do you seem quiet and aloof to tohers? Are you just distracted by shiny objects around you? Or are you just giving off a 'you people make me feel weird' kind of vibe?
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
So, for once a question from me that's actually related to the thread topic - apparently, I come across as asexual and/or aromantic*, according to what several of my friends (or one and a few others who agreed, anyway) said recently. Which, y'know, isn't a bad thing, except that I'm not. What exactly might I be doing to give that impression? :smallconfused:
*(The exact wording (or close enough to make no difference) used was "not looking for a relationship, whether physical or not", though I have a hard time seeing how the two would be different.)
Well, for starters it sounds like you're not actually looking for a relationship or have managed to completely hide your efforts from your friends somehow and for some reason and have never expressed any verbal or nonverbal interest in either the opposite sex or the same sex in their presence or in the presence of anyone they keep up with if they're saying that about you.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
@Nope:
Thank you. That's very helpful, considering that why that might be is what I'm asking. :smalltongue:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lix Lorn
Well, do you see people and think 'Wow, they're hot!'
Cause if you do, say so. xD
I do at times, yes. The problem is that either they're random people I happen to spot while I'm out somewhere and will never see again, or in the case of the people I actually know, are already with someone (or, in one case (where I'm also not entirely sure if she's with someone anyway) I don't see them enough to make things work anyway, because she's still in-state, but lives very far off, and other than one thing in the summer that we've both recently soured on, we don't have much occasion to see each other, though that, at least, is something we're working on fixing). (And the latter, since apparently I'm not in the loop enough to hear about this unless it gets randomly mentioned in my presence because someone is discussing it with them, has made me rather wary of doing things like that.)
@Lentrax:
Possibly a mixture of the first and last, more heavily leaning towards the former. Does "doesn't talk a lot" really equate to "not interested in relationships" to people? :smallconfused:
@Coidzor:
Interest in people in general hasn't really come up with this group of friends, at least not in a way that I've had a reason to comment on. Probably because all of us are, to the best of my knowledge, interested in the opposite sex, and they're all female.
As for expressing interest in one of them, see above for why that hasn't happened, though the short version is basically "every time I'm about to, I find out the person I'm interested in is with someone".
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Originally Posted by
noparlpf
I was thinking Rakkety Tam. From one of the Redwall novels.
How about Tam Lin?
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Originally Posted by
C'nor
@Coidzor:
Interest in people in general hasn't really come up with this group of friends, at least not in a way that I've had a reason to comment on. Probably because all of us are, to the best of my knowledge, interested in the opposite sex, and they're all female.
As for expressing interest in one of them, see above for why that hasn't happened, though the short version is basically "every time I'm about to, I find out the person I'm interested in is with someone".
Well, that sounds like you've identified the issue there then. Need to meet more people and get faster on the draw with expressing interest or at least have people to discuss liking that aren't part of that circle of friends.
Or I suppose you could explain this to them, ask them to get off your back, and leave them to awkwardly ponder if you were referring to them personally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
@Lentrax:
Possibly a mixture of the first and last, more heavily leaning towards the former. Does "doesn't talk a lot" really equate to "not interested in relationships" to people? :smallconfused:
If you don't want to talk to someone, generally people assume you're not interested in them or actively dislike them. Selective mutism, even in the non-psychiatric sense, is not interpreted in a favorable light by most.
If you don't want to talk to anyone, well, people assume you must not be interested in them or a misanthrope or judging them.
And doesn't talk a lot can easily be (mis)interpreted as doesn't want to talk to X.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Originally Posted by
C'nor
@Lentrax:
Possibly a mixture of the first and last, more heavily leaning towards the former. Does "doesn't talk a lot" really equate to "not interested in relationships" to people?
To some people, yeah it does sadly.
But at least you know what the problem is. Too bad I don't know to help you out with it.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Originally Posted by
C'nor
@Nope:
Thank you. That's very helpful, considering that why that might be is what I'm asking. :smalltongue:
Well, that's really all I can see going on here. You don't give the appearance of interest in a relationship, so people assume you're not interested in a relationship. If you're not asexual, start talking about cute [guys/girls] or something. Or just explain that you're not currently interested, but that you could be if things worked out a certain way,
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
How about Tam Lin?
This one?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Coidzor
Well, that sounds like you've identified the issue there then. Need to meet more people and get faster on the draw with expressing interest or at least have people to discuss liking that aren't part of that circle of friends.
Or I suppose you could explain this to them, ask them to get off your back, and leave them to awkwardly ponder if you were referring to them personally.
I have people to discuss liking who aren't part of that circle, it just doesn't come up, because we're interested in different genders. (Also, I think that they may have already been with these people when I met them, so I'm not sure if having been faster to express interest would have helped or just been really awkward.)
And they're not on my back about it, really, it just happened to come up in a conversation, where they'd been complaining about people in general for various reasons, and specified me as an exception with that wording.
@Lentrax/Coidzor's edit:
Ah. Well, that could partly explain it then, yes. For various reasons, I tend to hang out with them and offer occasional comments on the conversation (oddly enough, the person I'm actually not interested in out of them is the one I talk to most) but mostly simply stand around in the background most of the time.
@Nope:
That was more useful - I knew I was giving the appearance of not being interested in a relationship, just not why.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Aye, that's the one. I do love tales of the fae.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Originally Posted by
THAC0
I know it's kinda stupid, but hey.
I'm a teacher in a part of the country that is rather...regressive on LGBTA issues. And last week I laid into some kids who were using slurs. I've done it before in more tolerant parts of the country, but was really nervous about having to do it here. But I did. And it was good. And hopefully it has an effect.
*Hugs* That's really cool of you. :smallsmile:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
I just had a really satisfying night out.
First of all, I ran into an ex I never got closure on (detailed more in RWA if you're interested). Then I met a coursemate from last year who'd never seen me as a girl before. I was expecting awkwardness, but she didn't bat an eyelid, and when I commented that I was impressed how unfazed she was, her reaction was more or less "Why would I care? You look amazing!"
Then, towards the end of the night, I had a long conversation with a cis girl I met there wherin she gave me fashion tips, seemed to have absolutely no idea I was anything other than a cis girl myself, and actually expressed jealousy over my body, and said she wouldn't have anything to complain about if she had my body!
All in all, I'm in a really good mood at the moment. Everything's come up Tam tonight.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-njudGcx1tg...0/milhouse.jpg
Yay~ :smallbiggrin:
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Originally Posted by
Coidzor
Any of you all ever do this?
Once, *maybe* twice a year if I'm lucky. :smalltongue:
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Originally Posted by
golentan
Welp, very sexually confused at the moment. My preferences for men vs women flipped back and forth several times during a single... recreational interlude. It was all very weird.
Gah, that sounds awkward. :smalleek: *Hugs!*
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Originally Posted by
SiuiS
I don't understand children. At age ten, I had my basic template fully in place, and have refined context for how and when to use things, but were about as smart then as I am now. So it's not youth that makes kids dumb. It's dumb that makes kids dumb.
That's the argument I've been using since I was ten. Everyone blew me off because I was young. My Senior-year Biology teacher even said that I was still a child and my brain still hadn't grown past my temples (note that I was 18). :smallconfused:
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That's a pretty good argument, but I counter with!
Snakes are sexier. REPTILES 4 LIFE
*Starts to argue, but then pictures a snake in a catsuit...* :smalltongue:
Quote:
I
But
That's
Whyyyyyyy
Apparently it's like a maze in there - opposite-turning corkscrews, dead ends, the whole thing moves sometimes... And that's when they're relaxing. o.o
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How have you been, B? Haven't really spoken to you in a spell.
I'm doing okay~ How about you? ^_^
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Good! You're a better teacher than I. My last attempt to correct faulty behavior backfired considerably. Took me a week to stop being angry...
I'm glad you're helping out even though it feels like a losing battle. Every step matters, and all.
*Hugs*
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Astrella
Oh, I also managed to fix some issues with my parents. I think I already mentioned that dad has suspicions about me seeing a therapist because of the one incident in August where he decided to follow me. So mum rummaged through my bank notes and found out I'd been taking trains somewhere so they decided to confront me with a lot of noise. :s
I told them I was seeing my psych (not therapist) for social anxiety /light agoraphobia which is something we talk about and which I've been diagnosed with (though it's mostly dysphoria fueled and some other stuff). And they were satisfied with that. I didn't really lie cause that is part of the truth and I'm able to use their insurance now for those sessions which is handy cause they're expensive. I feel like an Aes Sedai now. I feel sucky for being deceptive but I want to come out on my own terms and not have it forced on me; especially not by them disrespecting my privacy again. And I don't think I can deal with a (potentially) bad reaction now.
D: *So many hugs!*
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
So, for once a question from me that's actually related to the thread topic - apparently, I come across as asexual and/or aromantic*, according to what several of my friends (or one and a few others who agreed, anyway) said recently. Which, y'know, isn't a bad thing, except that I'm not. What exactly might I be doing to give that impression? :smallconfused:
*(The exact wording (or close enough to make no difference) used was "not looking for a relationship, whether physical or not", though I have a hard time seeing how the two would be different.)
I dunno... I didn't realize someone could give that impression without outright saying it. *Hugs* @.@
~Bianca
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Originally Posted by
Arachu
I dunno... I didn't realize someone could give that impression without outright saying it. *Hugs* @.@
~Bianca
*Hugs back*
Apparently. (Sorry about dropping our RP, by the way. I couldn't figure out a good description for the place they were going.)
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
@Nope:
That was more useful - I knew I was giving the appearance of not being interested in a relationship, just not why.
I think "looking for a relationship" looks like openly flirting with people, or talking about how attractive people are, or something like that. So "not looking for a relationship" is the opposite of that.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
It's not like it's immoral to express interest in other women to women in conversation, after all.
Heck, it can be much more entertaining than doing so to other men when one is one.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Coidzor
It's not like it's immoral to express interest in other women to women in conversation, after all.
Heck, it can be much more entertaining than doing so to other men when one is one.
I'm aware of that, yes. :smallannoyed: But that whole general topic comes up rather rarely, and even more so in such a way that there are good opportunities to do so.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
I'm aware of that, yes. :smallannoyed: But that whole general topic comes up rather rarely, and even more so in such a way that there are good opportunities to do so.
You can bring things up yourself without being lead into it, and since you seem to indicate that you do not talk without being first prompted*, it might be even better for you to shake that habit up a little bit. Especially seeing as how this is a hypothetical deliberate behavior modification to change how your circle of friends perceive you.
*But perhaps I've misinterpreted your statements here.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Coidzor
You can bring things up yourself without being lead into it, and since you seem to indicate that you do not talk without being first prompted*, it might be even better for you to shake that habit up a little bit. Especially seeing as how this is a hypothetical deliberate behavior modification to change how your circle of friends perceive you.
*But perhaps I've misinterpreted your statements here.
That's not exactly what I've been meaning to say, but... Other stuff (which is personal and RL, so I can't really go into it) just came up in the past few minutes, so I'm not in a place to try to define it better right now.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
That's not exactly what I've been meaning to say, but... Other stuff (which is personal and RL, so I can't really go into it) just came up in the past few minutes, so I'm not in a place to try to define it better right now.
I'm sorry to hear that. Good luck with it. ...I think we were kind of getting on a bit of a tangent anyway...wuff x.x
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Coidzor
I'm sorry to hear that. Good luck with it. ...I think we were kind of getting on a bit of a tangent anyway...wuff x.x
It's fine. It's not exactly me who's having issues anyway (I'm only having problems in that a friend is), and fortunately they seem to be clearing up for now (though probably something else will happen to trigger them again soon enough.).
And yeah, we probably were.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
It's not a sin to have a tan every once in a while.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
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Originally Posted by
Kindablue
It's not a sin to have a tan every once in a while.
Considering my genetics, I'd probably have a sort of crimson first. Maybe a maroon. Depends on how long I stayed in the sun.
(Yes, I get what you're saying. I just don't care to get into that discussion right now.)
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Wow, I feel like I've only been gone a little while, and I get two new pages?
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Originally Posted by
Lentrax
Woo, Phee! So happy! *hugs*
You deserved all that. I'm so glad you got it.
:smallconfused: Huh? That wasn't me that posted that, it was Helio.
*Is very confused*
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Originally Posted by
SiuiS
Oh man. Pheenie. Absol, it is with great love and affection, and no small amount of giggling, that I will call you Pheenie from now on~
:smallsigh: Wow, that's greeaaaat...
You know, I've never had a nickname before (my, uh, current name isn't very condusive to one), so it's kinda fun to be able to have one now, but if you could sort of...knock the second syllable off that, I'd appreciate it. IT violates both of my rules of nicknames (Hint - Rule #1 is: The nickname must be shorter than the real name; I'll let you figure out Rule #2 :smallwink: ).
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Originally Posted by
Heliomance
Aye, this. It was important to me not to reject the name my parents gave me, but equally important that I have a gender neutral name I could use.
I'm a little confused on how that could happen. You've probably already shared this, but if you wouldn't mind for those of us who were latecomers to the thread, would you be willing to regale us with the tale once more?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Astrella
Oh, I also managed to fix some issues with my parents. I think I already mentioned that dad has suspicions about me seeing a therapist because of the one incident in August where he decided to follow me. So mum rummaged through my bank notes and found out I'd been taking trains somewhere so they decided to confront me with a lot of noise. :s
I told them I was seeing my psych (not therapist) for social anxiety /light agoraphobia which is something we talk about and which I've been diagnosed with (though it's mostly dysphoria fueled and some other stuff). And they were satisfied with that. I didn't really lie cause that is part of the truth and I'm able to use their insurance now for those sessions which is handy cause they're expensive. I feel like an Aes Sedai now. I feel sucky for being deceptive but I want to come out on my own terms and not have it forced on me; especially not by them disrespecting my privacy again. And I don't think I can deal with a (potentially) bad reaction now.
Yeesh! That sounds horrible! *Hugs!* You should definitely only tell them when the time is right for you. When talking about it with my therapist, she asked me something that I think that everyone who needs to do something like this should consider: when you look back on this moment, how do oyu want to remember it? My answer was that I didn't want to remember running away and taking the easy way out, but I also wanted to make sure I didn't have to answer all of the difficult questions myself, because I can be pretty bad at explaining things :smallsmile: .
I would recommend the method I used, actually. I brought my parents with me to my therapist appointment, told them, and then she caught all the ensuing questions while my brain got unstuck and back in gear. Having backup, especially backup that has a medical degree and years of experience with the issue, was a real nice asset to have in that conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
So, for once a question from me that's actually related to the thread topic - apparently, I come across as asexual and/or aromantic*, according to what several of my friends (or one and a few others who agreed, anyway) said recently. Which, y'know, isn't a bad thing, except that I'm not. What exactly might I be doing to give that impression? :smallconfused:
*(The exact wording (or close enough to make no difference) used was "not looking for a relationship, whether physical or not", though I have a hard time seeing how the two would be different.)
That actually sounds very familiar! In my college house, if you had asked when we moved out, I'm pretty sure that everyone save one person would have said that they thought I was asexual (in different words, probably, but to the same effect). And the reasons were very similar to yours - I'm a pretty quiet person who prefers to listen, I don't like prolonged exposure to big crowds, and I was very subdued and introverted when it came to my sexuality, which created the illusion that I wasn't interested in anybody. An illusion I took no steps to break.
Of course, a lot of it probably had something to do with my confusion about my sexuality, and the fact that my favorite pass-time was imagining and/or praying for fastastic ways in which I could find myself in a female body. Probably not something you're dealing with :smallsmile: .
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kindablue
Relax a sec, cos it's not a sin to have a tan every once in a while.
FTFY. I couldn't get any of the others in without it becoming even more forced, though.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
FTFY. I couldn't get any of the others in without it becoming even more forced, though.
Something about lying on a cot to tan?
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
noparlpf
Something about lying on a cot to tan?
It's better tanh a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. A good pun should sinh better than that, though.
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Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Absol197
That actually sounds very familiar! In my college house, if you had asked when we moved out, I'm pretty sure that everyone save one person would have said that they thought I was asexual (in different words, probably, but to the same effect). And the reasons were very similar to yours - I'm a pretty quiet person who prefers to listen, I don't like prolonged exposure to big crowds, and I was very subdued and introverted when it came to my sexuality, which created the illusion that I wasn't interested in anybody. An illusion I took no steps to break.
Of course, a lot of it probably had something to do with my confusion about my sexuality, and the fact that my favorite pass-time was imagining and/or praying for fastastic ways in which I could find myself in a female body. Probably not something you're dealing with :smallsmile: .
Indeed it isn't. If it were, I suspect that I'd just be happy I wasn't having to deal with starting a relationship that quite possibly wouldn't work out, whether due to prejudice or just due to the other person's orientation.
But yes, quiet, uncomfortable with large crowds (mostly due to crowd noise driving me up the walls - movie theaters and such tend to be fine for me - but partly just due to all the people), and not really likely to bring up who I'm interested in, sounds about right as a description of me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
FTFY. I couldn't get any of the others in without it becoming even more forced, though.
Gah. Math jokes. Sorry for snapping at you, then, Kindablue. That's not my best subject at the best of times, so I didn't even realize they might have been there... :smallfrown: