Originally Posted by
Xefas
(Foreword: I cannot talk about food without cursing. In the interest of not coming off as boarish, every time I feel the urge to be vulgar, I'll instead type the word 'snuggle'.)
I made a canapé a few days ago. It was delicious. Lemma tell you about it.
Level 1) The bread. Nothing special. Baguette, sliced very thin, soaked in butter, oven-toasted.
Level 2) The meat. Mothersnuggling Beef Tenderloin. Slathering with olive oil, and rubbed down with a thick coating of fresh herbs from my garden (rosemary, sage, thyme, and oregano). Grilled, painstakingly, patiently, godsnuggle perfect. Sliced about as thick as the bread. Meaty, tender, subtle hints of herb. Melts in your mouth. (Godsnuggle perfect. I was as surprised as anyone.)
Level 3) A tiny sprinkling of Roquefort.
Level 4) These onions. Lemme tell you about these onions. Never have I lit something on fire so many times. So, caramelized onions, right? But like, snuggling caramelized. Almost like you're making French Onion Soup. Like, snuggling caramelized. Little bit of salt, pepper, sugar. But then comes the Bourbon.
Whole snuggle-ton of bourbon. Light on fire. Cook down. Put out fire. Whole snuggle-ton of bourbon. Light on fire. Cook down. Put out fire. Over and over. Lemme tell ya, by the time I was done, these onions were more saturated with booze than my entire family combined (and they all have crippling alcoholism!).
One sliver of these - one sliver - like one of those tiniest sliveriest pieces you can cut from a single ring of an onion - one of those - was like a bourbonsplosion in your mouth. I would describe it as 'offensively bourbonesque' but in a good way. Lemme tell ya.
Level 5) Bourbon Sauce. Because of course.
So, I wanted thick. Like, thick like syrup. Which means - sugar. Lots of sugar. Problem with sugar? Don't want it snuggling sweet. Solution? Soy sauce! The sweet and salty murder each other in the face and I'm golden. Soy sauce, bourbon, violent amounts of sugar. Reduce. Aaaand reduce. And reduce until it's so thick and syruppy and about to burn that you think it's about to burn, but then you save it at the last second.
I would describe a dab of this sauce to be as if you were in a terrible accident, and then they were gonna Robocop you, but instead of replacing your body with computers, it was bourbon. But in a good way.
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So, together, Bread/Meat/Cheese/Onions/Sauce. Delicious, amazing, incredible.
And then I made 105 of them. Didn't get to have any. And wasn't paid.
It was great.