Had exams last week and graduation this weekend. Been understandably busy. Will have judgments by the end of the week (hopefully tomorrow).
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Had exams last week and graduation this weekend. Been understandably busy. Will have judgments by the end of the week (hopefully tomorrow).
Reading these poems made me sit there and think to myself "... my goodness. How could I have ever thought I had a chance..."
Apologies for the wait. It's been a great ride, guys and gals.
JudgmentSpoilerErrandirSpoilerAh, the ABAB tetrametric quatrain, an old classic. When I read this, I realized that I used to write things quite like it; it was how I fell into poetry. This is a mixed blessing, however.
First of all, it shouldn't be understated that assembling and perfecting a little package like what you have is no small feat. It oozes with imagery and thought. You've got all the elements of a good poem, synthesized and complementary, and that's an accomplishment, showing that you can definitely tighten up and deliver something that reads great, but I'm feeling the narrative a little bit iffy.
Perhaps to more aptly explain, let me put it this way: You have meter, you have imagery, you have rhymes, vocabulary, pretty sounds, tightened, constricted language that fits the lyric form, ect, and while it isn't innovative, it's excellent. There is also conflict; a distinct end in sight in the form of home, but it seems you fall somewhat short on the speaker's side.
I understand that the narrator is lying with the face and putting up an act, but it is done so in a narrative could go further. Rather than providing an introspective eye, the character/speaker could easily be replaced by an omniscient speaker concerning a specific, perhaps tragic subject. Rather than using the speaker as a perspective that is going through the motions, try to grasp and dictate the emotions. I know this sounds vague, and perhaps tricky; you definitely have internal conflict and show some of this at the end, but all of it before seems like it could be in a third person narrative or something. Its brevity also left me kind of wanting.
That's just my 2 CP. Not sure what you guys ever want in regards to judgments, but you did what you did, and it can't be understated how well you've done with both this piece, and all of the work you've written for this competition.
Alarra
SpoilerI'm never sure how to exactly put your work into words; needless to say, it's a fitting final entry. I particularly admire your antitheses, such as the Winter's skin and summer flush line, you also create a bigger antithesis in the form of the poem at large, dividing it between a third person and first person narration, giving us vocal queue to help us understand what is under the mask.
As is usual in your case, the work is solid, infectious with its impressive imagery. If I were to give one caveat, I would say that the ending leaves me feeling deflated, but I suppose that I can live with it. You did a great job, and your poem largely speaks for itself.
Verdict:
SpoilerAlarra.
Unfortunate that we have to pick one poet over the rest, but that should dishearten none. You are each masterful linguists, maestros with words and that shouldn't be understated. I truly hope you continue in these competitions, either as judge or contestant, because you've each got what it takes to continue to write great, even if it doesn't culminate in a virtual victory. Thank you for allowing me to read.
Apologies, however worthless they are now, for my inconsistency throughout this process.
Judgements:
Errandir: Masked
SpoilerAs always, beautiful form - the poem scans well and the rhymes work effortlessly. Love your language, of course, with the possible parallels with the second-stanza feather and the narrator as well as the contrast of 'smiling weight'. You're really good at this 'sticking words together to make them sound pretty' thing. It stands out.
The content isn't bad, and by that I certainly don't mean 'is bad but I don't want to say that'. It isn't. It's nothing particularly new, but most things aren't. Nor is it something too far rehashed as to be comedic. It fits the prompt, which is always good.
I think it needs another stanza - maybe it's just too brief for me. It doesn't seem quite finished, despite the 'action in the first two lines, facial expression in the second' thing that does stay consistent.
A good poem - not a great one, but a good poem. (Ever consider stepping out of what appears to be your comfort zone? I'm curious at to what you do without using meter and such).
Thanks!
Alarra: Mask
SpoilerThis resounds with me for personal reasons, and is a very well done version of the story. I like how you have the results first (I suppose it makes sense to see the shattered mask before the face behind it). Both of the sections could work as an (admittedly worse) poem alone, which is interesting.
The commas are a bit weird, such as in the first stanza, lines 3-4. It doesn't flow naturally, and perhaps that was the intent, but it is something to think about. The actual words are perfect, however (or as perfect as I can see); little details such as the seventh snooze - a situation I've been in too many times - make the piece.
Thank you.
Verdict:
SpoilerAlarra.
Ok it's been over a week and we only have 4 judgments, but that's fine since it was fairly unanimous.
Congratulations to Alarra, winner of Iron Poet IX!
The new thread will be up momentarily.
Congratulations, Alarra!
Also, thanks to all the judges for the critiques. I usually don't get any feedback on my writing, and it's been very useful here.
I loved your poem, by the way, Errandir. I was very impressed, especially since I suck at rhyme and meter.
and I know, I was supposed to do trophies, I'm sorry. I'll have them by next week?
Seems kind of silly to make trophies for yourself. :smalltongue:
I might be able to whip something up in the next few days.