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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Malfrin
The young squire had been standing still through all of this. Well, fairly still. There was that itch in his leg. But he was mostly ignoring that. Nor had he made any faces, or responded in any way to the conversations back and forth. He'd been almost proud of that.
And then Owyn had gone and said that.
A ripple had started somewhere low in Malfrin's abdomen, held firmly in place by a general clenching of every muscle group above the shoulder. The ripple had spread upwards, crashing into the neck with some force, and not quite subsiding. To his credit, the only audible exterior sign of this titanic struggle was a small wheeze. Followed by a tremendous rush of blood to his face. And the terrifying, terrible thought.
Oh, gods, I'm next. And I'm going to be called upon to speak.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Balthor gives Owyn one more long, appraising look, and then turns his glance to Malfrin. Though Malfrin's face is obviously bright red, His Grace smiles just the same as he did to the rest of them. "It's your turn, Squire Malfrin. Please step forward. Lady Manar, tell us what you think of the good Squire, and then Squire Malfrin will respond to tell us what his opinion is on your observations."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Malfrin
Teach you to think to yourself, "How can this possibly get worse. All these folk, so careful, dutiful, dignified. Get a hold of yourself, boy!
Slowly, Malfrin unclenches and exhales, and a portion of his usual tan complexion takes hold. He takes two small steps forward, nodding to Lord Balthor, and then to Manar. He gives her a wry half-smile and a tiny shrug.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
"He's got strong senses of humor and adventure, and a more than decent appetite to go with. Good singer, bit of a poet, interesting stories, and a wide variety of skills. Doesn't have the same sort of control as the older members of the group, though a lot of that is a matter of training. I'd say, though this might be my own schooling talking, that his weakness is his difficulty reconciling with the past. He talks carefully around it, acts almost ashamed of it--understandable, yes, but it's not something to dwell on, particularly not if it keeps him from using what he's learned in situations where his teachings are both applicable and permissible."
She steps back slightly. "Last but not least, his primary strength--I think it's that he knows people and knows what to do for them. Not perfectly, mind you, but he's usually within a stone's bounce of the right thing. I've seen it from him, watching him with Owyn, with some of his encounters with the rest of us..... and this morning, helping me with my dream and..... then when...." She stops, runs the back of her hand across her face, tries to recover where she left off; there's a few false sentence starts, some little more than syllables, before she gives up on coherent sentences regarding the topic. "Anyway, there you... have it.... permission to excuse myself?"
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Malfrin
His chest ached, seeing Manar brought back to that place, that moment of desolation. He speaks quickly, in his typical fits and starts, in an effort to bring this to a quick close for her.
Lord Balthor, thank you for this. I think Manar's a better judge of people than most - well, than just about anybody I know.
And the past. Well, it kind of oozes out of all of us, right? Sometimes, that's a healthy sweat, and sometimes it's pus. Either way, gotta get it out, right? Er.
Uncertain of the propriety of discussing bodily fluids in such an august group, he glances instinctively at Owyn.
I think she's wrong about the "good singer" part, but that's just, you know, basic charity and all.
He checks an impulse to go to Manar. Smiles a bit. Waits.
Um. Thank you, Sir.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
The older priest stood, his divine presence washing over the group almost palpably. He laid a hand on Manar's shoulder and turned her to look at him. She could see the glimmer of tears in the corners of her eyes and felt tears threatening to burst in her own soul. "Thank you, Lady. You have accomplished your task very admirably. But there is something else for you here today. Please turn to face your friends and peers." He gently pressed her back around so she stood looking at the rest of the group.
"You have all heard her speak of you, your weaknesses and strengths. This is part of her training as a diplomat and emissary of mercy. But now, I would like each of you, in the same order that she spoke of each of you, to tell her of your own observations. I realize she had the advantage of both training and warning of her assignment, whereas this is something I expect each of you to speak right here, right now, from your hearts. This is a noble Lady in front of you, and she deserves your honesty and regard. Sir Samson, please begin, and then the rest of you in turn." He smiled again, a deep compassion very evident in his bearing.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Samson
Samson pauses, not sure where to begin. He looks at Manar, and then at each of his companions.
Lady Manar was very welcoming to each of us. I was the first arrival, and therefore got to bear witness to her spirit each and every time one of us reached this place. She sought to make each of us feel welcome, as if while we had journeyed here, we hadn't entirely left home.
Her strength is how she relates to those around her. She always finds a common ground or some connection. It allows her to build close ties, and has allowed each of us to connect with her, in our own way.
As for a weakness, I'd say it's that while she clearly is a paladin, she hasn't yet convinced herself of this. On some level, she questions her identity. It makes her unsure of herself, and it seems to take a toll on her. I am unsure as to the cause. Perhaps it is cause of all the close ties she makes, she defines herself in terms of her relationships with others. Or perhaps she is like the mountain fox whose coat has just changed from brown to white, and doesn't seem to quite believe she blends in where she does.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Rayvon waits patiently and thinks of his own response as Samson gives his observations. He waits a moment after Samson finishes, then says, "Overall I agree with Samson's assessment. She is suited to her job. She never let her culture shock get the better of her and, as Samson said, connected to the diverse personalities in the group. More than that, her ability with forming connections allowed the rest of us to connect with each other with far more ease than if she wasn't here," he takes a breath and continues, "As for her weakness, she definately seems uncertain and underconfident at times. It is something every young person has to overcome at times."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Aleksei listens to his comrades speak, nodding his assent.
"This has been my observation at well...Dame Manar is empathic, although I would disagree that we have seen her reaction to culture shock-this IS her own city, after all. Confidence will help her in her duties, but it can only come from herself...it is not something that can be learned easily from others."
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Amun Natsur
Amun steps forward almost immediately after Aleksei has stopped speaking. His eyes remain lowered as he speaks, "Manar-Dirat is a novelty among the women I have known, so it is difficult for me to judge her in a way that will be meaningful to all of you... But she is strong in spirit and character. I would say she is too strong for her place, but the more I observe, the more I feel that I do not know her place."
Amun bows again and steps back again.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Owyn has gone beyond embarrassment, or perhaps has switched on that portion of his mind which allows him to discuss matters in the clinical, precise terms of philosophy. For a long time he is silent, pensive, and then he speaks with firm tones and definite opinion, without hesitation. "Dame Manar, like many of us, derives strength from her weakness, such that the two are flip sides of the same coin. Dame Manar is nearly unblooded, innocent, trusting, and without the emotional defenses that more experienced warriors erect around themselves with regards to death and war. In any other, this would be a nearly fatal weakness - one does not use unseasoned wood to build a house, or a ship, because it succumbs to rot, to despair. Manar harnesses all unknowing that source of innocence, that empathy, that hope, and has honed it into as keen a weapon as ever found in a knight's arsenal." Owyn smiles not a little wistfully. "She still has much to learn, but I am more and more discovering that I, too, have much that I could learn from her."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Malfrin
The youth smiles and blushes as the eyes turn to him for a comment.
I...uh. I think that Manar is terrific - friendly. Good with people. Got a mean step-in with her lunge. Smart. Funny. Knows some beautiful songs. I, uh. That's not what you were asking, was it?
He takes a deeper breath.
I get the feeling sometimes that Manar doesn't know her own heart. Things maybe bother her when they don't need to, because she's still trying to figure out whether she's first a musician or a paladin...or a daughter. And it's not like I could answer any of that kind of crap either.
He lurches to a halt, shoots Owyn an embarrassed glance, and trundles on.
That sort of thing either. So I'm actually kind of relieved. To know that paladins sometimes feel that way too, you know? I don't know if that's like what Samson said. I guess.
Relieved that he seemed to have stopped talking, Malfrin steps back.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Manar had been listening intently through the earlier paladins' reports, keeping as tight a rein as possible on her responses beyond nodding at most of the potentially useful points. Then Owen got to the comment about her use of her qualities, and she found herself in a bit of an internal fight between listening to the rest of the conversation and chuckling slightly at the mental image his comment had given her. As Malfrin finishes up, she regains her composure enough to nod, then spends another moment trying to keep her humor under control before she realizes that it is indeed her turn to speak.
"Thank you all. I will definitely be working on the confidence issue.... and it is an honor to be evaluated so well by such a varied group.... and Malfrin, I'm glad I've been able to help you." She smiles slightly, the humor finally catching up to her. "Owyn makes a rather interesting analogy, one I never thought I'd have occasion to hear. While I have run across some odd concepts--weapon-quality innocence?" At about this point, she pretty much loses the battle and begins chuckling. "It's a wonderful image."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Malfrin
Malfrin ducks his head in acknowledgement when Manar glances at him, but otherwise holds his tongue. He does, however, look with frank hopefulness to Lord Balthor.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
As Lady Manar finished, His Grace Balthor stood once again. He bowed deeply to her, and then said quietly, "Well done, Lady. Lathandar is pleased. You are free to rejoin your companions." He turned towards the entire group as Manar steps down and stands on the edge of the knights, next to Malfrin.
"This was also a test, albeit a very different one. I am sure you all have stood in church disciplinary councils and if not, you at least have been in the courts of your lands. There are many who when a weakness is brought to light, they deny it, fight against it, and when their strengths are mentioned, they preen, puff up. This was a test of pride, though a minor one. For Lady Manar, it was also a test of courage and strength, to judge those she felt were more experienced and superior to herself honestly, while maintaining respect and compassion. Again, I do not know why the gods have commanded me to perform this, but I do hope that all of you will leave today better men and women than when you entered."
He paused, running his hand down his cheek for a moment. "There is one final matter. You are all going on a journey together. You need a leader, someone to speak for the group in appropriate situations, someone who can guide and assist in whatever way is needed. Talk amongst yourselves - who would you have as your leader? You are a military group and there needs to be a clear path of organization."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Rayvon looks at the others, appraising them quickly, then says, "If we're electing a leader, I believe that Owyn should be it. I haven't checked birthdays, but I believe he's the oldest. He's also got at least as much, if not more, field experience as anyone here. I'm pretty sure he's also had the most leadership experience."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Aleksei nods in agreement. "Sir Owyn is a man any soldier would be proud to follow. He would be my choice as well.""
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Malfrin
Malfrin says nothing, knowing the others are already very aware of the esteem with which he views his mentor, but quietly beams at the praise of the others.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Samson
Samson stands, and paces back and forth, and then turns towards the group.
I find Owyn to be an excellent soldier, and if he is the selection of the group, I will follow him.
Samson waits a moment, collecting his thoughts.
But it seems this mission is going to test the nature of what it means to be a paladin, what we aspire to. And, with that in mind, it might be best if we chose our leader to be someone who is less experienced, more open minded, with a simplicity to help us see and question what we might otherwise take for granted. With that in mind, I nominate Malfrin to be our leader.
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Amun Natsur
Amun watches as the group discusses the potential leaders. He is clearly not prepared to comment on the subject, but is also pondering each of the other opinions.
This continues until Samson suggest that Malfrin lead the group. At this comment, a brief but unmistakably disbelieving laugh escapes him. From his face it is obvious that he wishes this had not happened.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Owyn looks a bit flummoxed at the tide of support heading his way, and coughs. "While it's true that I have some experience leading groups of knights on certain expeditions, it's only a little, and none of it recently. I will serve as duty warrants, should the rest of the group be agreed, but for the purposes of this expedition I believe that Sir Alexei may be the more experienced commander."
After a moment's pause, he continues. "In addition, my own rank among the knights of Torm is rather low due to my herald's status, and Torm's rank among the gods is certainly not as high as Tyr's or Lathander's. I'm concerned about whether it would be entirely proper."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
"Problem is, we don't know what the purpose of this mission is. That's why I suggested you instead of Alex."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Malfrin
The squire barely manages to suppress his own snort of disbelief when Samson suggests him for the task. The laugh from the normally-stoic Amun absolutely does him in, and a giggle escapes Malfrin as well.
When Owyn starts to second guess himself, Malfrin marshalls his gravitas to speak.
Sir. I feel that your compassion, foresight and experience would stand us in excellent stead. Since Lord Balthar has expressly delegated it to us to select a leader, I'd suggest that we don't need to check with nobody - um, no external hierarchy need be consulted.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Manar, having spent the conversation watching and listening to the conversation, nods. "All of you make valid points." It's rather clear this 'all of you' includes Samson. "I'll go with the majority, though, in the interests of avoiding argument."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
"I'd like to hear your thoughts though Manny. You've done a good job of reading us all so far, I'd like to know who you believe to be best suited to lead us."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
"Errrr...." She sighs. "That's the thing. I've been too busy looking at all of you as yourselves to really see relative to each other, and I don't think I know enough about the upcoming situation to know which qualities will be required, particularly given how unpredictable the situation has been thus far. For all we know, Samson could have the right of it."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Samson
What has struck me is that no one has put himself forward as a candidate. In fact, each person who is mentioned seems to feel awed by the prospect. Perhaps this is rash and hasty of me, but ultimately, I feel that whoever is our leader will listen to the suggestions of others, and only intervene when necessary to keep the party functioning. Since any of us probably could be the leader, and no one seems eager for the role, let us draw straws, or use some similar method, to decide who the leader will be. We all put our faith in the gods, and I will trust in whoever is chosen by the fates to be our guide.
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Aleksei frowns. "I do not agree. We would all listen to each other, of course, but a leader must have initiative as well. If not, there is no leader in truth, regardless of title. A good commander listens to advice, but does not always follow it, can go against the crowd who may not see the things he does. A bad commander will kill his men with foolish action, but an indecisive one kills with hesitation-and who is to say that there will always be time and opportunity to consult?
If we are to have a leader, I would have someone experienced and levelheaded...my apologies, Malfrin and Manar, but I would have you more comfortable in your own ability before I would chose you to lead others. As to my own role, as Rayvon said, we have no real idea of the nature of our task. I would certainly be willing to lead us into battle; I have served as such for a great portion of my life. In other aspects? I am ill suited to diplomacy, and for all my experience I am sure Sir Owyn has seen and done far more varied things than I. "
He shrugs. "Perhaps I am misguided, or things are counted differently here, but Owyn is experienced with a vast range of situations, and seems confident enough in his ability to deal with the pressures of leadership. We are no army unit, with logistics and formations to contend with, but a small squad of knights. Tactics are not the concern I have, but leadership, and Sir Owyn is the only one among us who has demonstrated enough leadership and responsibility to be considered worthy of training a squire."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
"Well said Alex. I'll also add, I don't believe our gods meant us to simply draw straws for leadership. I believe this could be our first test as a group. Drawing straws is a bit too random for me to believe a group of lawful deities would endorse it. Perhaps a vote, although I believe a consensus would be best."
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Re: A Paladin's Heart
Samson
I would say that the first quality of a leader is willingness to lead, and it seems none of us meet that criterion. If someone is willing to take the role, I may support him. Or her. Currently, however, it seems that noone wants to accept the responsibility of being our leader. I admit, I do not want the role, as I have never led a group. If none of us will take the role, what choice do we have?