I LIVE ONCE MORE!
Having just acquired internet once more, I shall check up on my PMs, clear my box, and eagerly await the next PrC contest ^_^
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I LIVE ONCE MORE!
Having just acquired internet once more, I shall check up on my PMs, clear my box, and eagerly await the next PrC contest ^_^
Welcome back LG, been a while since i've seen you active on the boards
Great to see you back, Mi'lord. Sadly, I'm going to drop from this contest. I just couldn't focus.
PEACH! Scion of Ashardalon!
It looks like it's a Warlock/DFA PrC. Obvious entry is DFA 2 Warlock 3. I'm a little unclear why a class with Binder fluff is double invoker based, but we'll see how it goes.
4+ skills is fine, Warlock is kind of shafted with 2+ anyway. UMD is really good, but the original classes have it so it's probably fine.
3/4 BAB and only good Will is very Warlock. If you want a power boost you could throw in good Fort, we'll see if that's advisable.
Demonic Heart makes this multiclassing not hurt very much. Throw in a Practiced Spellcaster and you can be a nearly full Warlock, similar to the Ultimate Magus trick.
Breath of A is lacking something: it lets you stack warlock and DFA levels for breath weapon damage, but it doesn't include Scion of A levels meaning you just do 5th level DFA damage until 15th level. This is probably not as intended. You might also consider letting them trade any blast shapes they have now for different invocations of the same grade.
Bonus AC is thematic and not that worrisome.
Presence of the Draconian Demon... can people tell the source of the non-lethal damage? Because undetectable damage can be very mean in nominally non-combat situations. The 10th level ability of this Presence is pretty brutal, as it turns Shaken into Frightened i.e. '-2 to stuff' becomes instead 'must run away'. Since this doesn't seem to be limited to fear only from this ability this gives potential for serious fear stacking. The only thing keeping this from being zomgwtfgood is that only the frightful presence ignores fear immunity and it only works on people with fewer hit dice than you i.e. chumps. Does the 6th level telepathy still cause 1 nonlethal/round?
Memories of the Primeval Sorcerer will be used for Wings of Cover. What is the caster level on these spells? Depending on that answer, it will probably also be used for Wings of Flurry. Wraithstrike is less likely but still scary. There are other spells which shouldn't be at will.
Rebuke... is it an immediate action, or a free action that can be taken out of turn? It's probably more balanced as an immediate action.
Archetype is probably not a big deal, I"m too lazy to look at the spells and verify that.
Fluff looks fine. I'm worried about the power of a few things, and you're kind of hemmed in by the fact that "pact" is associated with binders, but you're using the term responsibly.
Added two more seed of strangeness augments to the sower of strangeness. For those curious as to which, they are the two dealing with swallow whole. Wording looks a bit messy on them, so suggestions to fix that would be appreciated.
Owrtho
I finally manage to finish and post my Eldritch soul Prc, I was afraid of missing the deadline with all the trouble I had with my PC. It's not my best work, particularly the fluff, which is way rushed, but still the result is nice. Not a winner but I've taken pleasure working on it and it's enough.
Nearly done with a warforged artificer/warrior class hybrid. In the meantime, PEACH?
Edit: Finished, down to the sample encounter. It's kind of specific, but ah well.
Made a few edits to sower of strangeness. Most notably changed entry requirements after Kellus was kind enough to point out the HD requirement on the Unknowable Amputation ability that I had missed. You may now enter the class at level 6 as intended. Also fixed Preternatural Predomination to automatically succeed if the host is mindless, as they can't mentally oppose you using your features on them. Other than that I also fixed a few typos.
Owrtho
Are the contest entries supposed to be finished by midnight tonight or is the deadline midnight tomorrow night?
I'm rather pleased with my work for this contest, although I am worried I will be deducted points for having a similar idea to someone else, although quite honestly I hadn't seen the other Commissar prestige class before I had started my own.
Ok. I just added a picture for mine. I had another picture in mind, but there doesn't seem to be any copy of it on the web. It is a certain painting that I know the physical location of. If the contest is still open tomorrow (still uncertain about whether entries need to be done tonight or midnight of tomorrow), I'll go and take a picture.
In my experience, the date listed as the deadline is the last day you have to work on it. So you would have until the end of the 19th. That said, I may be wrong. So anyone care to exchange last minute critiques?
Owrtho
Sure. I haven't gotten any real PEACHing of mine, so any input at this point would be great.
Regarding your class: It is really well done, and combines two really neat homebrew base classes that deserved to be combined. The total set of class features seems small, especially the last two levels. Lots of class features depend numerically on the class level, so this should't be too bad. But something at 10th level would still seem to make sense. An obvious ability for 10th level would be something that made it so that levels of other classes and PrCs which advance grafting also count as ozodrin levels for purposes of total Form Points.
Also, it may make sense for Strange Bonds to be (Su) rather than (Ex) given what it does. Feels more supernatural than extraordinary.
Sense Seeds may need to specify the level of accuracy that one gets for the distance and direction. Also, what happens if the target is on another plane?
Minor nitpicks:
Shadow is a proper noun here, right? If so it should be capitalized.Quote:
The shadow of the black forest on the other hand seemed to seek improvement of what was once a pleasant and safe forest an hours ride from a quaint town.
I'm not sure I'm parsing the second sentence correctly, but I don't understand what it means. It seems like a very roundabout and awkward was of saying that everything can easily kill people. Maybe you mean something like "It is said that every living thing there is capable of killing a normal man with ease, even things like squirrels."Quote:
Due to his work it came to be considered a dangerous place where abominations roamed and men might emerge something else. It is said nothing in there is incapable of killing a normal man with ease, not even things like squirrels.
Well then, lets see about your class. First, I'll note I quite like the concept. It's always fun to see a dancing based class, and necromancy is one of my favourite schools of magic.
Well, first thing I noticed, on spellcraft you seem put the ranks in parentheses, while not doing so for the other skills.
Skills seem fine, they match the theme of the class.
The spellcasting progression makes me a bit wary, but seeing as you need levels in a different class from the one being advanced (even if it is a class with minor progression of its own), it may be fine.
Bardic music usage advancement fits fine.
Nice and flavourful. However, it seems you are missing the word 'that' in the second sentence.
This line doesn't quite make sense. Might want to clarify it.
Just some minor typos, but you need to remove 'a' in the first sentence, and should change class number to class level in the second.
Don't see any real problem with the non-standard DC.
I'd suggest stating this can't exceed your total level.
I might suggest making the bonus require 5 ranks in Perform (Dance) so as to better match with other skill synergies.
A fun ability, if not one likely to be used often. Might be worth expanding it in some way to be usable with willing non-dancers. Anyway, a few typos. The first sentence above should either start with 'they' or have an 's' on the end of dance. The second I'd recommend changing 'dances' to participant.
Disciplined Mind is a nice flavourful ability.
Sense the Opening Door is an interesting ability. Given the flavour of it, it may also be fitting to at some point grant an ability to easily identify creatures as living, non-living, dead, or undead.
I'd suggest altering the wording to be since the start of your most recent turn, rather than during rounds. Mainly as it currently does not grant the bonus at the start of rounds before your turn arrives in initiative order if you started or continued a dance the previous round.
I might suggest altering this to letting them recognize undead while dancing. As it is, most undead are unlikely to dance. Perhaps alter it to granting the effects of the deathwatch spell while dancing.
Last Dance is an interesting capstone, and while powerful, doesn't seem problematic given its ability to only be used successfully once.
On Age Draining Waltz, I'm not sure the use limit on specific creatures is needed, given the time required to pull it off. Then again, I may be slightly biased with regard to that, as the limit prevents the interesting idea of a Dancer dancing with someone as they gradually get younger, while the other person gradually gets older, until the ageing person eventually dies.
Only skimmed the rest of the dances, though I'l try to look them over in more detail later today. That said, it might be worth adding a feat that allows you to learn additional dances you qualify for, possibly with the prerequisite of already knowing 9 dances, or noting dances learned by the feat don't count for learning other dances. This was a Dancer may continue advancing their dances after reaching level 10.
I'll admit, I did have some trouble trying to come up with a capstone. Initially the implant seed was going to be it, but then I decided that should come sooner. I though the ability to grant others the ability to make seeds and graft them for you might cut it, but it is rather situational. Perhaps I could add the idea I'd had for a feat that would let you graft your seeds onto inanimate things like plants or walls as a capstone. As for the class features depending numerically on class level, I'd thought they mainly were based on the total graft level of seeds hosts had on them. Odd, I'll take a look at that.
Hmm, your right, the ones that mimic spells should likely be supernatural. That said, the others are more intended to show that the grafts are a part of the sower still, and as such have some connection.
Well, as I see it they could generally point to in the direction of a seed and estimate about how far it is (depending on their sense of distance). As for if the host is on another plane, I should specify that. They may tell what plane the seed is on, but not what distance or direction it is (and they don't actually know the name of the plane unless they've been there, or know it from another host of a seed going there, then coming back and telling them what the name was).
Gah, missed that. The Black Forest should be capitalized as well. I'll see to fixing it.
I suppose it is somewhat roundabout, though I'd not really noticed it. I was somewhat thinking about it more like locals assuring people there is nothing that is safe to be near in the forest.
Owrtho
Anyone willing to exchange PEACHes with me? *waves around a basket full of peaches.*
I will critique your work Frog.
Interesting fluff about a warforged embracing their history of war, but doesn't seem entirely inspired, but I suppose it's a bit late to fix this.
The requirements tell me you'll be level 6 by the time you qualify for this, about where I like prestige classes to be entered, also fits in with most PrC's.Quote:
ENTRY REQUIREMENTS
Race: Warforged
Spells: Ability to cast second level infusions.
Feats: Improved Unarmed Strike, any Warforged Feat
Skills: 8 Ranks in a craft skill which the warforged can use to repair itself.
Base Attack Bonus: +4
Same Chassis and skills a monk, with artificer skills added in, same setup as most Hybrids.Quote:
Class Skills
The Fist of the Constructed's class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Appraise (Int), Concentration (Con), Craft (Int), Disable Device (Int), Jump (Str) Knowledge (arcana) (Int), Knowledge (architecture and engineering) (Int), Knowledge (the planes) (Int), Open Lock (Dex), Profession (Wis), Search (Int), Spellcraft (Int), Tumble (Dex) and Use Magic Device (Cha)
Skills Points at Each Level: 4 + int
Hit Dice: d8
{table=head]Level|Base Attack Bonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Special|Unarmed Damage|Spellcasting
1st|+0|+2|+2|+2|Dormant Infusion|1d6|
[/table]
Seems right for a monk gish setup, this seems a bit like a fixed version of enlightened fist for a artificer. I don't think it would hurt to change Unarmed Damage to all monk abilities ala Enlightened Fist.Quote:
Unarmed Damage: A Fist of the Constructed deals unarmed and slam attack damage according to the table, unless their damage as a monk or unarmed sworsage of their level + their Fist of the Constructed levels would grant them more damage. The values in the table are given for medium warforged, and change according to size as normal.
Spellcasting: At levels other than 1 and 6, you gain new spells per day and an increase in caster level as if you had also gained a level in an infusion using class to which he belonged to before adding the prestige class levels. You do not, however, gain any other benefit a character of the class would have gained. If you had more than one infusion using class prior to becoming a fist of the constructed, you must decide to which class to add each level for the purpose of determining caster level and spells per day.
Interesting, but it could be overpowered, but I don't know Infusions very well.Quote:
Dormant Infusion: The first thing a fist of the constructed learns is how to mix the magic they create as artificers with the innate forces that make the warforged work, giving them the capability to leave arcane energies dormant within their body.
Useful for a Niche when you need the extra damage, but seems like a lot for not a lot of damage.Quote:
Shattered Dormancy: At third level, the dormant energies may also be released in an offensive manner. As a swift action, the fist of the constructed may activate up to two dormant infusions. However, instead of gaining their normal benefits, the next attack within the same turn made by the fist of the constructed deals extra untyped damage equal to 2d6 x the combined spell level of the activated infusions.
Another ability, perhaps less Niche, but the armour class bonus seems small to me, everything else seems fine.Quote:
Dormant Defense: At fifth level, the dormant infusions may be expended for defense. Using this option is an immediate action, and when you use it, you gain a bonus to saving throws and armor class equal to half the combined spell levels of the infusions you are activating in this manner. In addition you gain DR/- equal to half the combined spell levels of the infusions. These benefits last until the start of your next turn.
I think this ability is fineQuote:
Dormant Renewal: At seventh level, the dormant infusions may instead be expended as renewing energies.
As a swift action, any number of dormant infusions may be expended to repair 2d6 damage x the combined levels of the expended infusions.
Sounds good for a class based around buffs, so this seems fine. Maybe add in the bonus for level 2 as well.Quote:
Lasting Modification: At second level, the fist of the constructed gains a +1 to his caster level for the purpose of the durations of infusions cast on himself. This bonus increases by one at levels 4, 6, 8 and 10.
A way around something Artificer players hate, no change suggested.Quote:
Combat Infusion: At second level, times per day as indicated in the table, the fist of the constructed may cast an infusion with a casting time of one minute or less as a swift action.
Keep it, although the feats are of limited usefulness.Quote:
Bonus Feat: At levels 3 and 7, the fist of the constructed gains a bonus warforged feat.
A nice ability for something without a standard melee sized HD at most levels.Quote:
Constructed Body: The fist of the constructed eventually learns to augment his body using just the energies that are already there.
The fist of the constructed gains a +2 to constitution and becomes immune to critical hits.
The first part doesn't seem too useful, since actions like that rarely matter when it comes to spend a minute or half a minute on something.Quote:
Body of Artifice: The fist of the constructed becomes able to use the innate qualities of his warforged nature better than ever before.
Any infusion that the fist of the constructed casts on himself has its casting reduced. An infusion with a casting time of 1 minute is now in cast in half a minute, and an infusion that requires a full round action or a full round to cast now has its casting time reduced to a standard action. In addition, every time the fist of the constructed casts an infusion on his own body, he gains 5 temporary hit points (max 30).
Sure, I'll give it a go. Not particularly familiar with artificers though.
Well, flavour, prerequisites, and skills seem to fit.
Seems to fit for helping the unarmed combat part. That said, you don't actually make the fist of constructed levels stack with monk or unarmed swordsage for determining damage, which it is implied you intended given your mention of them not getting the damage increase if the combine levels would make their normal damage higher. You also forgot the 'd' in swordsage.
Three things, first, you should note if there is a duration on how long you may keep an infusion dormant on you. If not, you should note if dormant infusions count against your infusions per day when cast or when activated, and if when cast, that they automatically expend infusions of the appropriate level when you take 8 hours of rest and would regain your infusion slots (so as to avoid things like applying all your remaining infusions as dormant ones before resting so as to have more than your normal daily allotment).
Third, while I'd expect you may only activate a single dormant infusion at a time with a swift action, that isn't entirely clear.
A nice ability.
The wording on this could use some work. It might be better to say:
At fifth level, the dormant infusions may be expended for defence. As an immediate action, you may activate any number of dormant infusions you have. However, instead of gaining their normal benefits, you gain a bonus to AC and an amount of DR/- equal to half the combine spell levels of the infusions you are activating. These stack with other sources of AC and DR/-. These benefits last until the start of your next turn.
Another nice ability.
Fits the theme of the class well.
Useful, though probably not overpowered.
As the above.
Might be useful to specify how this effects the casting time of infusions that are not of the mentioned casting times. Other than that looks good.
Now to finish reviewing the dances from Dancer of the Threshold:
Nothing wrong with this that I can tell, though rather fun, and flavourful with the Perform (Dance) bonus.
This sentence seems to need slight rewording. Most likely able to be accomplished by removing the word 'effect'.
Given the next sentence states the spell must be of a lower level than the one countered, you could remove the part mentioning it specifically with regaining a spontaneous spell slot.
Seems fine, but both of the paragraphs have random enters in them.
First thing to note, should say 'effects' in the first paragraph quoted rather than effect. In the second paragraph you again have a random enter. You also should remove one of the two spots it states buried undead will automatically try to dig out of the ground.
Should say 'radius of 5 feet'. Also, another random enter.
Seems fine, but another random enter.
Good ability, but you tried to close the italics with a [/b].
Minor typo, but die is singular, you should use dice there. Otherwise looks good.
Edit: Also, added a more noticeable capstone for the Sower of Strangeness. See Seed the Land ability for details.
Owrtho
I edited the Fist of the Constructed. And the Dormant Infusions actually were intended to be activated all at once if the player so wishes. I clarified that as well.
Don't know much about Marshals, but here goes. Comments in blue.
The class is very powerful just for its chassis, but the abilities honestly drive it straight into overpowered, since they are so easy to horribly abuse.
I doubt I could give a very informed PEACH for Owrtho, since I know next to nothing about the two classes being hybridized. Ah well.
Fixed.
Skills seem fine, they match the theme of the class.
Yeah, I can see it as a bit worrisome. I was thinking of having them lose a casting level at 1. Maybe I should do that.Quote:
The spellcasting progression makes me a bit wary, but seeing as you need levels in a different class from the one being advanced (even if it is a class with minor progression of its own), it may be fine.
[quote]
Nice and flavourful. However, it seems you are missing the word 'that' in the second sentence.[/quote[
Thanks, and fixed.
Er, yeah. As written it doesn't make sense. I'm going to replace it just with continuing a Dance requires a standard action.Quote:
This line doesn't quite make sense. Might want to clarify it.
Good. Mechanically, this was one of my biggest worries.Quote:
Don't see any real problem with the non-standard DC.
Both good ideas. Done and done.Quote:
I'd suggest stating this can't exceed your total level.
I might suggest making the bonus require 5 ranks in Perform (Dance) so as to better match with other skill synergies.
Good idea. Done. I've made it take slightly more resources to do that form to make up for the fact that one of them isn't a Dancer.Quote:
A fun ability, if not one likely to be used often. Might be worth expanding it in some way to be usable with willing non-dancers.
Yep. Done.Quote:
Anyway, a few typos. The first sentence above should either start with 'they' or have an 's' on the end of dance. The second I'd recommend changing 'dances' to participant.
Quote:
Sense the Opening Door is an interesting ability. Given the flavour of it, it may also be fitting to at some point grant an ability to easily identify creatures as living, non-living, dead, or undead.
Good call. Done.Quote:
I'd suggest altering the wording to be since the start of your most recent turn, rather than during rounds. Mainly as it currently does not grant the bonus at the start of rounds before your turn arrives in initiative order if you started or continued a dance the previous round.
Hmm, I'm not sure. A lot of that is already added in by the modified form of Sense the Opening Door. Also, I like the idea of some vampire giving themselves away when they go out to the Dance floor. But overall, it doesn't seems like a decent idea, so done.Quote:
I might suggest altering this to letting them recognize undead while dancing. As it is, most undead are unlikely to dance. Perhaps alter it to granting the effects of the deathwatch spell while dancing.
Hmm, that is an interesting idea. Modifying that Dance accordingly.Quote:
On Age Draining Waltz, I'm not sure the use limit on specific creatures is needed, given the time required to pull it off. Then again, I may be slightly biased with regard to that, as the limit prevents the interesting idea of a Dancer dancing with someone as they gradually get younger, while the other person gradually gets older, until the ageing person eventually dies.
Very good idea. Done.Quote:
Only skimmed the rest of the dances, though I'l try to look them over in more detail later today. That said, it might be worth adding a feat that allows you to learn additional dances you qualify for, possibly with the prerequisite of already knowing 9 dances, or noting dances learned by the feat don't count for learning other dances. This was a Dancer may continue advancing their dances after reaching level 10.
Edit: Ok. Now looking over the EACHing for the specific other Dances.
Yep.Quote:
This sentence seems to need slight rewording. Most likely able to be accomplished by removing the word 'effect'.
Fixed the various extra enters. I think those slipped in because I was writing this in Notepad before moving it over here. Much thanks for the other points which I've now fixed.Quote:
Given the next sentence states the spell must be of a lower level than the one countered, you could remove the part mentioning it specifically with regaining a spontaneous spell slot.
Well, looking at it, the class seems to only require one level of bard, meaning a sorcerer or wizard can get rather notable benefits for the cost of one caster level. Also makes me notice that while the class continues to get bardic music uses, it doesn't actually learn any new songs. That tends to make a few of the other abilities that have your bardic music interact with the dancing somewhat lacklustre. I'd suggest possibly dropping a level or two of casting progression and granting some progression of learning more bardic music.
Well, as you have it now, it seems to work reasonably well, as the deathwatch provides a somewhat intermediary way of identifying undead until you gain the ability to identify them even when not dancing with sense the opening door three levels later. As a side note, on sense the opening door, you change from second to third person partway through the new last sentence.
Owrtho
Good points. Changing level one so that it drops a caster level, and adding language which increases bardic music learning progression.
Good point, fixed.Quote:
As a side note, on sense the opening door, you change from second to third person partway through the new last sentence.
Owrtho
Also- I like your new capstone.
Well, looks like the deadline has come. Looking forward to the voting on this one.
Owrtho
Current contest is closed, no more entries or edits please. I'll be going over this later this evening and I'll post the contest voting then. Good show folks!
-X
And on another note: do we REALLY need to wait for voting to end so that we can begin a new contest? wont doing it parallel be more brew-efficient?
We don't, but usually the time is used to get a breather and to decide what the theme of the next one will be.
Especially the first one seems important to me. If I'd want to participate every time and the contests would line up very quickly after the last ones, I'd keep pumping out homebrew yes, but it would be mediocre. I know some people prefer to keep going and going, but I prefer to just let inspiration strike and then nurture it into something that can grow.
I like having a small bit of downtime between contests. Among other things, it gives me time to repost a version of my entry with any issues fixed that weren't dealt with by the time the deadline for the contest ran out. This contest's entry for example has at least two typos, two extraneous line segments, and a minor rule issue that wasn't pointed out to me until after the deadline for editing.
Bump. It's been a week since the contest closed, it would be nice to get a voting thread.
Perhaps someone else should try making the thread for now if ErrantX is too busy. I can try doing it if no one else is able or willing.
Skimming through EdroGrimshell's Fusionist is lacking class skills, NineThePuma's Magitech Crafter is lacking fluff, and MoleMage's Vindictive Fists is lacking fluff. Other than that the rest of the classes seem to be complete, though I didn't check to see if they are lacking any abilities.
Owrtho