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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
Because it'll likely change again. I can't say "this is who I've always been, I'm only now realising it," because I haven't. It feels like my very existence is validating the "it's just a phase" argument. How do I have the right to lay claim to female pronouns and a female identity if in two months time I might be back to being male?
For genderfluid people, it is just a phase. So there's no problem with that. And if a bigot is going to think that you're proof that transsexuality is just a phase, they probably wouldn't believe in genderfluidity or transsexuality being real things in the first place, so it's not your fault.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
There are no girls on the Internet. Everyone is male until proven otherwise.
I know where all the girls are on the internet. They're on forum RPGs, especially those set in the Sailor Mooniverse. Seriously, on those it's the other way around; female until proven otherwise.
ETA: I should also add that this includes Avatar: The Last Airbender RPGs too, mainly because Zuko is apparently hawt. Obviously.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Tumblr is full of girls. It's pretty nice. :smalltongue:
~ ♅
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Qaera
Tumblr is full of girls. It's pretty nice. :smalltongue:
~ ♅
Not for me its not. All the lesbians on Tumblr idolize my friend, but there aren't gay guys to idolize me.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
So what is your gender then, Froggy? :smallamused:
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Laser Frog
I know where all the girls are on the internet. They're on forum RPGs, especially those set in the Sailor Mooniverse. Seriously, on those it's the other way around; female until proven otherwise.
ETA: I should also add that this includes Avatar: The Last Airbender RPGs too, mainly because Zuko is apparently hawt. Obviously.
Zuko is a Firebender, so that seems quite reasonable. :3
And once you're finished throwing my dinner rotten tomatoes at me, I will say that I personally do find Zuko cute, but Ty Lee is a strong contender for most adorable human character on Avatar. :smallsmile:
...
I think I broke the record on getting sidetracked faster than humanly possible. Sorry. :smallredface:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
So what is your gender then, Froggy? :smallamused:
Obviously it's Frog! Just like mine is Kobold! :3
And no, logic does not have a say here. I bribed it with Math Cookies. :smallamused::smalltongue:
Although, a laser frog might be one of the frog species that can change sex. Woudl certainly explain why they used that genetic material for Jurassic Park. Laser Tyrannosaura! X3
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Underlord
I'm going to be giving a speech on LGBT rights (marraige and such). Without going into politics, anything you want me to say?
Dude same! I just piled up some stuff from the last two threads and some stuff I found on my own.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
So what is your gender then, Froggy? :smallamused:
"Male....Female...what does it matter? Power is beautiful, and I've got the power!"
...Okay, enough geekery from me.
Anywaaay...the rebel in me wants to keep the gender semi-ambiguity going as long as I can, but my boring and practical side won out. I'm a cis male, though I often feel apathetic about my whole gender identity anyway. Regardless of that, I identify and present as a man, so a man I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Keveak
Zuko is a Firebender, so that seems quite reasonable. :3
*facepalm* I walked right into that one, didn't I?
Also, I think I lost track of your whole post within a few sentences. My general reaction was a collective "what".
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Laser Frog
"Male....Female...what does it matter? Power is beautiful, and I've got the power!"
You're a frog, not a flea :smallconfused:
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Laser Frog
This paragraph is so majestic and fabulous that I may cry. And it's made even better by that awesome Avatar you have. I am in awe, good sir, and I thank you.
Kneenibble is good at that. xD Welcome!
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Laser Frog
Also, I think I lost track of your whole post within a few sentences. My general reaction was a collective "what".
It's the usual reaction to me. just keep the part about logic and "not having a say" in mind and keep an eye on your SAN score. :3
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
You're a frog, not a flea :smallconfused:
Maybe Laser ate a flea and gained the power from it!
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
*woke up this morning feeling incredibly girly*
*has the resources to dress how she feels*
*is happy :smallredface:*
*realises that's the first time she's ever used female pronouns about herself*
*is happier*
:redface:
Lucky. I still need to make that skirt I was talking about a few threads back. :smalltongue:
I remember the first time I used feminine pronouns without thinking about it - it's so weird, isn't it? :smallbiggrin:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
squidbreath
Hey I've been wondering, (A) how likely are sexuals to have romantic feelings for peeps they're not sexually attracted to regardless of whether they're part of their preferred gender(s)? (assuming that they're good-looking, but just not someone's bag.)
>e.g. You hear people falling in love over letters and the internet without even knowing their sex / what they look/sound like.
Well, I'd say it's a lot more likely if you count the Internet (wonderful place, that Internet :smalltongue:). Then again, it's probably (no, definitely) more common than people think, considering how close a lot of friends get.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
I just worked out why I feel slightly weird and uncomfortable using female pronouns about myself, and to a lesser extent hearing other people use them about me, no matter how much I'd like them to.
It doesn't feel like I have the right to them. I feel like an imposter. I can't even claim that I'm a girl who just happens to have the wrong body, because two months ago I felt male to the point where I wasn't comfortable wearing women's clothing anymore. Using and hearing "she" feels like I'm claiming to be something that I'm not, on false pretenses.
Blarg.
*Hugs* If you really feel that you're female, you are. Even if it does shift back, you have every right to present as who you are (or rather, the part of you who you happen to be at the moment).
Spoiler
Show
I had similar concerns, but for different reasons... I grew to respect transpeople for all of the adversities we face. I actually felt like I wasn't 'worthy' to identify as one. That doesn't make terribly much sense thinking back, but I was preoccupied with how horrifying it meant my childhood was... :/
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Astrella
Therapist meeting tomorrow; sorta nervous...
*Hugs* I'm sure things'll work out great. :smallsmile:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Laser Frog
ETA: I should also add that this includes Avatar: The Last Airbender RPGs too, mainly because Zuko is apparently hawt. Obviously.
I gotta say, after his hairstyle change... (I'm a sucker for scars) :smalltongue: :smallwink:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lil Shiro
Not for me its not. All the lesbians on Tumblr idolize my friend, but there aren't gay guys to idolize me.
*Sighs*
*Pops shoulders*
*Dons old denim jacket*
*Works hair into ponytail*
*Cough* All hail Shiro, King of the Gays! :smalltongue:
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Laser Frog
"Male....Female...what does it matter? Power is beautiful, and I've got the power!"
...Okay, enough geekery from me.
Anywaaay...the rebel in me wants to keep the gender semi-ambiguity going as long as I can, but my boring and practical side won out. I'm a cis male, though I often feel apathetic about my whole gender identity anyway. Regardless of that, I identify and present as a man, so a man I am.
I assumed male because you said "gay". Usually that means male.
And yeah, the apathy towards one's gender is a common thing for cissexual people. It wasn't until I started coming here and took a Gender Studies class that I stopped taking my gender for granted.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Arachu
*Sighs*
*Pops shoulders*
*Dons old denim jacket*
*Works hair into ponytail*
*Cough* All hail Shiro, King of the Gays! :smalltongue:
Now that's more like it.:smallwink:
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
A friend of mine just henna'd my hand. Pics when it's dry! :smallsmile:
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
You're a frog, not a flea :smallconfused:
Wait, we're making Chrono Trigger jokes now? Flea is one of my favorite bosses, after all. And in the original PAL game, Flea is very drag, but male.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Vote Shiro for Benevolent Dictator!
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Ah yes. Romance and sex. Fun topics.
It makes a lot of sense to distinguish romantic interest from sexual interest when a person is asexual. I imagine some folks would believe that a person who doesn't have sexual interest can't possibly have romantic interests, which of course is silly.
Then again, some people use the word 'romantic' as a euphemism for sexual activity, period. Personally, I use it to mean a deep sexual and emotional connection.
Laser Frog, I assume you use 'romantic' to mean deep emotional connections, sans the sex?
I've met some bisexual cis-gender men, who identify themselves as sexually attracted to both sexes, but who say they are only emotionally interested in one or the other (usually only towards women). Some of those men have believed it's not possible for them to fall in love with a guy, or prefer to invest emotionally in a relationship that involves less social stigma.
That's the only case I've experienced, where sexually-inclined people have differentiated between interest in sex and emotional connection.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
A friend of mine just henna'd my hand. Pics when it's dry! :smallsmile:
Sadly, it didn't come out very well. OTOH, I've painted my nails :)
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Meatspace life is getting busy so here I am, procrastinating again:smalltongue:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
Because it'll likely change again. I can't say "this is who I've always been, I'm only now realising it," because I haven't. It feels like my very existence is validating the "it's just a phase" argument. How do I have the right to lay claim to female pronouns and a female identiy if in two months time I might be back to being male?
Then that's OK:smallconfused:?
Born this way rant Spoiler
Show
I find the 'born this way' movement a little offensive, personally. The hatred and slander I heard (but mostly read) from LGBT people against Cynthia Nixon (who said that she had experienced male and female relationships, and chose to be a lesbian) was disgusting. She even explicitly stated that some people were born this way, but she was not. The most common comment types that I saw/heard were 'that's not helpful' and 'you'll never understand my pain!'.
I think 'born this way' is an acceptance crutch that people need to get rid of. It implies that we predetermined destiny once we pop out, and simply enables bigotry against a smaller minority - people who change over the course their lives. Identifying as another gender isn't wrong, whether you were born that way, been that way since puberty, choose it or just one day find it suits you the best.
If the biphobia I've experienced is any indication, you might experience some bigotry from the people who should be the most accepting:smallfrown:. But I hope it all goes well.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Keveak
It's the usual reaction to me. just keep the part about logic and "not having a say" in mind and keep an eye on your SAN score. :3
Maybe Laser ate a flea and gained the power from it!
I wouldn't have it any other way. :smallbiggrin:
And does this mean I'm a Kirby frog now? Excellent. I'm just not sure how I feel about eating creatures that drink blood. I'm neurotic enough that I'd start wondering if the fleas would start sucking blood from the inside, which doesn't seem impossible considering how tough those little monsters are to kill. :smallannoyed:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
noparlpf
I assumed male because you said "gay". Usually that means male.
And yeah, the apathy towards one's gender is a common thing for cissexual people. It wasn't until I started coming here and took a Gender Studies class that I stopped taking my gender for granted.
Good catch. :smallwink:
I didn't know that about the gender apathy with cissexual people, and that's interesting. Is it more common among gay/bi cis people than it is with straight ones? Is said "apathy" more than that? More like an assured feeling about one's own gender? Hmm, now you've got me thinking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Triscuitable
Wait, we're making Chrono Trigger jokes now? Flea is one of my favorite bosses, after all. And in the original PAL game, Flea is very drag, but male.
Me too! I liked that whole trio. I even had three stuffed animals I named after them; Slash was a hot pink jaguar/leopard (or some kind of cat with spots, I dunno), Flea was a hot pink cockatoo, and Ozzie was a penguin. I'm sure there was some kind of logic behind that, but I've long since forgotten why those particular stuffed animals got those names.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elfinor
I wish I
Had finished typing what you were thinking? :smalltongue:
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
So um... My boyfriend was cornered today in his catholic school, and apparently some pretty nasty things were said to him, but he just sat there and took it until they started saying rude things about me. At that point he started violently cursing at them, which shut them up. He did not get in trouble, but neither did the homophobes.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
noparlpf
For genderfluid people, it is just a phase. So there's no problem with that. And if a bigot is going to think that you're proof that transsexuality is just a phase, they probably wouldn't believe in genderfluidity or transsexuality being real things in the first place, so it's not your fault.
Yeah, the only real problem with genderfluidity would be in the case where irreversible treatments (surgery, etc) are undertaken. That's a waste of time, money, and possibly more just to end up back in square one, and without the possibility to go back.
The thing though is that I honestly don't think anyone genderfluid would manage to avoid thinking about their own identity, take HRT, and undergo surgery, only to complain about having made the wrong choice and feeling like they're their gender assigned at birth after all.
Unrelated rant incoming:
Spoiler
Show
Maybe I'm spending too much time in all the wrong places on the Internet, or maybe these places are slowly invading the space I used to frequent, but I'm seriously facing issues with several communities; specifically those that promote political correctness and safe space for minorities/oppressed groups.
There isn't a single day I spend without learning over and over again that because I'm a member of a privileged group (white and cisgender), my opinion is absolutely invalid.
That -ism (racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc) is a combination of power and I forgot the second part, and therefore, that there isn't such a thing as a -ist insult/treatment against white/cisgender people, anywhere.
That it's absolutely not okay to use various words that can possibly insult oppressed groups, but that it's perfectly okay to tell someone "lol you're such a [possible nickname for Richard]/[biscuit Polly often wants]".
That women alone need protection, but that men should endure misandrist insults toward them - sorry, I forgot misandry doesn't exist - and that the same goes for cisgender people and such.
That as long as I'm member of a single privileged group, I deserve the dismissal and insults.
That my personal story shouldn't matter, and that even if the worse I ever did was using a bad word once in good faith - and accepting to change my vocabulary once I learn why it's bad, if I'm even told why this specific word is bad - the rest of the community can treat me badly.
I am getting angry. Not at any group, or even at any particular person. But I am tired of that attitude.
I'm feeling more and more that, being asexual - in a particular fashion that makes me appear as straight today - I don't exactly count in the big group of LGBTQ+ people. Maybe I'm just an ally who deludes herself. Perhaps there isn't such a thing as demisexuals, and I'm just extremely picky and awkward. After all, I'm not being oppressed because of that, just annoyed in various ways that straight ciswomen generally are.
But that is not a part of myself I wanted to question. I feel like that questioning only comes because of my frustration.
Look, I don't pretend I can speak in the name of any community that isn't asexual. I never did. But I'd like some respect. The same respect I'm giving to anyone else. Of course, I'm cissplaining/whitesplaining, so of course I'm seeing the world from a privileged point of view...
[Bovine excrement]. I don't need to be treated like [REDACTED]. Yesterday alone, several Jewish kids and their teacher were killed gruesomely for reasons that are very probably racist. The murderer killed other people the week before, people that were considered "foreigners" by bigots. The murderer is still around, and though the chances are very small I risk anything, he still killed people who shared my ancestry, just because they existed. Oh, I'm white, my opinion on everything is invalid? I don't know, that sounded quite like oppression. Oh, but I'm still cisgender. That still invalids a bunch of stuff I say.
Whatever happens, I'm not going to let my frustration devolve into hate. We all deserve respect for what and who we are, as long as our acts are equally deserving of respect. I'm still supporting LGBTQ+ issues even if it turns out I'm not actually part of it. Oh, I know LGBTQ+ people don't need my help or approval. Nobody friggin' needs it. I'm not here to empower anyone. I just love you guys, yes, every single of you in that thread, and others, too.
What I just want is a little respect. Spouting more hate in reaction to hate won't help anything. It never did. One party has to act civilized and understanding to stop the circle of hate, and I'm not sure we can count on the white, cisgender, straight and/or male majority for this.
Sorry, but I needed to let go some steam.
-
Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elfinor
Spoiler
Show
I find the 'born this way' movement a little offensive, personally. The hatred and slander I heard (but mostly read) from LGBT people against Cynthia Nixon (who said that she had experienced male and female relationships, and chose to be a lesbian) was disgusting. She even explicitly stated that some people were born this way, but she was not. The most common comment types that I saw/heard were 'that's not helpful' and 'you'll never understand my pain!'. I wish I
I think 'born this way' is an acceptance crutch that people need to get rid of. It implies that we predetermined destiny once we pop out, and simply enables bigotry against a smaller minority - people who change over the course their lives. Identifying as another gender isn't wrong, whether you were born that way, been that way since puberty, choose it or just one day find it suits you the best.
If the biphobia I've experienced is any indication, you might experience some bigotry from the people who should be the most accepting:smallfrown:. But I hope it all goes well.
I've said almost this exact thing in the past. Whether or not something is natural or voluntary doesn't affect whether it's tangibly harmful to other human beings. We wouldn't accept murder if murderers had no choice in their action, and we wouldn't condemn left handedness if it was purely optional. At least, most of us wouldn't these days. I wish I could say the same for previous generations of humans.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
C'nor
Had finished typing what you were thinking? :smalltongue:
'had gotten some more sleep'?:smalltongue:
I'll edit it out...
EDIT: I think I was halfway through quoting a flying japanese cat. Blame Yora.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elfinor
Spoiler
Show
I find the 'born this way' movement a little offensive, personally. The hatred and slander I heard (but mostly read) from LGBT people against Cynthia Nixon (who said that she had experienced male and female relationships, and chose to be a lesbian) was disgusting. She even explicitly stated that some people were born this way, but she was not. The most common comment types that I saw/heard were 'that's not helpful' and 'you'll never understand my pain!'. I wish I
I think 'born this way' is an acceptance crutch that people need to get rid of. It implies that we predetermined destiny once we pop out, and simply enables bigotry against a smaller minority - people who change over the course their lives. Identifying as another gender isn't wrong, whether you were born that way, been that way since puberty, choose it or just one day find it suits you the best.
If the biphobia I've experienced is any indication, you might experience some bigotry from the people who should be the most accepting:smallfrown:. But I hope it all goes well.
I've said almost this exact thing in the past. Whether or not something is natural or voluntary doesn't affect whether it's tangibly harmful to other human beings. We wouldn't accept murder if murderers had no choice in their action, and we wouldn't condemn left handedness if it was purely optional. At least, most of us wouldn't these days. I wish I could say the same for previous generations of humans.
-
Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heliomance
Sadly, it didn't come out very well. OTOH, I've painted my nails :)
Ooh, what color(s) did you do? :smallsmile:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elfinor
Born this way rant
Spoiler
Show
I find the 'born this way' movement a little offensive, personally. The hatred and slander I heard (but mostly read) from LGBT people against Cynthia Nixon (who said that she had experienced male and female relationships, and chose to be a lesbian) was disgusting. She even explicitly stated that some people were born this way, but she was not. The most common comment types that I saw/heard were 'that's not helpful' and 'you'll never understand my pain!'. I wish I
I think 'born this way' is an acceptance crutch that people need to get rid of. It implies that we predetermined destiny once we pop out, and simply enables bigotry against a smaller minority - people who change over the course their lives. Identifying as another gender isn't wrong, whether you were born that way, been that way since puberty, choose it or just one day find it suits you the best.
If the biphobia I've experienced is any indication, you might experience some bigotry from the people who should be the most accepting:smallfrown:. But I hope it all goes well.
Spoiler
Show
I have to say I agree. I'm pretty sure I was born with my gender (or that I developed it really early on), but that doesn't mean it's somehow more 'natural' or 'valid' than anyone else's. The whole argument is founded on the premise that we're somehow different than straight/cisgendered people just for having different qualities.
Besides, the implication that one 'can't choose' bothers me almost as much as the one that implies that you have to choose. What exactly makes the third option so distasteful?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Lil Shiro
So um... My boyfriend was cornered today in his catholic school, and apparently some pretty nasty things were said to him, but he just sat there and took it until they started saying rude things about me. At that point he started violently cursing at them, which shut them up. He did not get in trouble, but neither did the homophobes.
:smallsigh: Several things are wrong with that. :smallannoyed:
Good to hear he was so brave about it, though. *Hugs* to both of you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Musashi
Yeah, the only real problem with genderfluidity would be in the case where irreversible treatments (surgery, etc) are undertaken. That's a waste of time, money, and possibly more just to end up back in square one, and without the possibility to go back.
The thing though is that I honestly don't think anyone genderfluid would manage to avoid thinking about their own identity, take HRT, and undergo surgery, only to complain about having made the wrong choice and feeling like they're their gender assigned at birth after all.
I heard of someone who had multiple operations once. S/he (not sure which one applies most recently) was a world-record-holder in about 2002 or so (though the record itself was probably given earlier than that). I don't know anything else, though. :shrug:
Quote:
Unrelated rant incoming:
Spoiler
Show
Maybe I'm spending too much time in all the wrong places on the Internet, or maybe these places are slowly invading the space I used to frequent, but I'm seriously facing issues with several communities; specifically those that promote political correctness and safe space for minorities/oppressed groups.
There isn't a single day I spend without learning over and over again that because I'm a member of a privileged group (white and cisgender), my opinion is absolutely invalid.
That -ism (racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc) is a combination of power and I forgot the second part, and therefore, that there isn't such a thing as a -ist insult/treatment against white/cisgender people, anywhere.
That it's absolutely not okay to use various words that can possibly insult oppressed groups, but that it's perfectly okay to tell someone "lol you're such a [possible nickname for Richard]/[biscuit Polly often wants]".
That women alone need protection, but that men should endure misandrist insults toward them - sorry, I forgot misandry doesn't exist - and that the same goes for cisgender people and such.
That as long as I'm member of a single privileged group, I deserve the dismissal and insults.
That my personal story shouldn't matter, and that even if the worse I ever did was using a bad word once in good faith - and accepting to change my vocabulary once I learn why it's bad, if I'm even told why this specific word is bad - the rest of the community can treat me badly.
I am getting angry. Not at any group, or even at any particular person. But I am tired of that attitude.
I'm feeling more and more that, being asexual - in a particular fashion that makes me appear as straight today - I don't exactly count in the big group of LGBTQ+ people. Maybe I'm just an ally who deludes herself. Perhaps there isn't such a thing as demisexuals, and I'm just extremely picky and awkward. After all, I'm not being oppressed because of that, just annoyed in various ways that straight ciswomen generally are.
But that is not a part of myself I wanted to question. I feel like that questioning only comes because of my frustration.
Look, I don't pretend I can speak in the name of any community that isn't asexual. I never did. But I'd like some respect. The same respect I'm giving to anyone else. Of course, I'm cissplaining/whitesplaining, so of course I'm seeing the world from a privileged point of view...
[Bovine excrement]. I don't need to be treated like [REDACTED]. Yesterday alone, several Jewish kids and their teacher were killed gruesomely for reasons that are very probably racist. The murderer killed other people the week before, people that were considered "foreigners" by bigots. The murderer is still around, and though the chances are very small I risk anything, he still killed people who shared my ancestry, just because they existed. Oh, I'm white, my opinion on everything is invalid? I don't know, that sounded quite like oppression. Oh, but I'm still cisgender. That still invalids a bunch of stuff I say.
Whatever happens, I'm not going to let my frustration devolve into hate. We all deserve respect for what and who we are, as long as our acts are equally deserving of respect. I'm still supporting LGBTQ+ issues even if it turns out I'm not actually part of it. Oh, I know LGBTQ+ people don't need my help or approval. Nobody friggin' needs it. I'm not here to empower anyone. I just love you guys, yes, every single of you in that thread, and others, too.
What I just want is a little respect. Spouting more hate in reaction to hate won't help anything. It never did. One party has to act civilized and understanding to stop the circle of hate, and I'm not sure we can count on the white, cisgender, straight and/or male majority for this.
Sorry, but I needed to let go some steam.
*Hugs* If it helps, I respect you. You're very supportive and well-spoken.
-
Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DabblerWizard
Ah yes. Romance and sex. Fun topics.
It makes a lot of sense to distinguish romantic interest from sexual interest when a person is asexual. I imagine some folks would believe that a person who doesn't have sexual interest can't possibly have romantic interests, which of course is silly.
Then again, some people use the word 'romantic' as a euphemism for sexual activity, period. Personally, I use it to mean a deep sexual and emotional connection.
Laser Frog, I assume you use 'romantic' to mean deep emotional connections, sans the sex?
I've met some bisexual cis-gender men, who identify themselves as sexually attracted to both sexes, but who say they are only emotionally interested in one or the other (usually only towards women). Some of those men have believed it's not possible for them to fall in love with a guy, or prefer to invest emotionally in a relationship that involves less social stigma.
That's the only case I've experienced, where sexually-inclined people have differentiated between interest in sex and emotional connection.
Yes, I do mean "romantic" to refer to an emotional connection completely independant of sex. Now I'm no stranger to checking out cute guys or even flirting/teasing (the latter more so than the former), and I can waste plenty of time on Tumblr looking at pics of guys just cuz they're sexy. My attraction to women, although rare, only happens when I meet an attractive girl in person (I blame pheromones). Otherwise I tend to appreciate female beauty in a more aesthetic or artistic sense. Ultimately it's their personality that determines whether I seriously want to be with someone or not.
Being the type who's usually uncomfortable with making physical contact, things like holding hands, cuddling, etc. can be a pretty big deal in my mind. Things beyond that just don't interest me in the slightest, and on some days they even gross me out slightly.
Now most people would assume that sort of thing stems from deep-seated emotional, physical, or sexual trauma, but trust me, that is not the case. It has put a strain on my love life, as you can probably imagine, but I'm honestly happier being true to myself and not trying to force myself to enjoy something I don't.
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Originally Posted by
Lil Shiro
So um... My boyfriend was cornered today in his catholic school, and apparently some pretty nasty things were said to him, but he just sat there and took it until they started saying rude things about me. At that point he started violently cursing at them, which shut them up. He did not get in trouble, but neither did the homophobes.
That seriously a bummer that he was being bullied and the homophobes didn't get what they deserved, but is it weird that I find that whole situation oddly cute/romantic? He only got heated up under the collar when they were insulting you, but he was willing to sit there and take it when it was only about him. Forgive me; my mind works in strange ways.
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Re: LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is
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Originally Posted by
Laser Frog
I wouldn't have it any other way. :smallbiggrin:
And does this mean I'm a Kirby frog now? Excellent. I'm just not sure how I feel about eating creatures that drink blood. I'm neurotic enough that I'd start wondering if the fleas would start sucking blood from the inside, which doesn't seem impossible considering how tough those little monsters are to kill. :smallannoyed:
I've always wanted to be a Kirby. Best games ever.
Quote:
Good catch. :smallwink:
I didn't know that about the gender apathy with cissexual people, and that's interesting. Is it more common among gay/bi cis people than it is with straight ones? Is said "apathy" more than that? More like an assured feeling about one's own gender? Hmm, now you've got me thinking.
I'd guess that it's less common among gay and bi cissexual people because they're often in the same civil rights groups as transsexual folks. Because of that, they would tend to be more aware of gender as a thing.
The reason most cissexual people are apathetic towards their genders is because there's no reason to care about it. It matches their genitals, so it never stuck out to them as something to take note of.
For the record, I'm an asexual cisman. (Though I dunno if "man" applies yet; I'm not even eighteen until next month, let alone a grown-up.)
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Originally Posted by
Musashi
Yeah, the only real problem with genderfluidity would be in the case where irreversible treatments (surgery, etc) are undertaken. That's a waste of time, money, and possibly more just to end up back in square one, and without the possibility to go back.
The thing though is that I honestly don't think anyone genderfluid would manage to avoid thinking about their own identity, take HRT, and undergo surgery, only to complain about having made the wrong choice and feeling like they're their gender assigned at birth after all.
Unrelated rant incoming:
Spoiler
Show
Maybe I'm spending too much time in all the wrong places on the Internet, or maybe these places are slowly invading the space I used to frequent, but I'm seriously facing issues with several communities; specifically those that promote political correctness and safe space for minorities/oppressed groups.
There isn't a single day I spend without learning over and over again that because I'm a member of a privileged group (white and cisgender), my opinion is absolutely invalid.
That -ism (racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc) is a combination of power and I forgot the second part, and therefore, that there isn't such a thing as a -ist insult/treatment against white/cisgender people, anywhere.
That it's absolutely not okay to use various words that can possibly insult oppressed groups, but that it's perfectly okay to tell someone "lol you're such a [possible nickname for Richard]/[biscuit Polly often wants]".
That women alone need protection, but that men should endure misandrist insults toward them - sorry, I forgot misandry doesn't exist - and that the same goes for cisgender people and such.
That as long as I'm member of a single privileged group, I deserve the dismissal and insults.
That my personal story shouldn't matter, and that even if the worse I ever did was using a bad word once in good faith - and accepting to change my vocabulary once I learn why it's bad, if I'm even told why this specific word is bad - the rest of the community can treat me badly.
I am getting angry. Not at any group, or even at any particular person. But I am tired of that attitude.
I'm feeling more and more that, being asexual - in a particular fashion that makes me appear as straight today - I don't exactly count in the big group of LGBTQ+ people. Maybe I'm just an ally who deludes herself. Perhaps there isn't such a thing as demisexuals, and I'm just extremely picky and awkward. After all, I'm not being oppressed because of that, just annoyed in various ways that straight ciswomen generally are.
But that is not a part of myself I wanted to question. I feel like that questioning only comes because of my frustration.
Look, I don't pretend I can speak in the name of any community that isn't asexual. I never did. But I'd like some respect. The same respect I'm giving to anyone else. Of course, I'm cissplaining/whitesplaining, so of course I'm seeing the world from a privileged point of view...
[Bovine excrement]. I don't need to be treated like [REDACTED]. Yesterday alone, several Jewish kids and their teacher were killed gruesomely for reasons that are very probably racist. The murderer killed other people the week before, people that were considered "foreigners" by bigots. The murderer is still around, and though the chances are very small I risk anything, he still killed people who shared my ancestry, just because they existed. Oh, I'm white, my opinion on everything is invalid? I don't know, that sounded quite like oppression. Oh, but I'm still cisgender. That still invalids a bunch of stuff I say.
Whatever happens, I'm not going to let my frustration devolve into hate. We all deserve respect for what and who we are, as long as our acts are equally deserving of respect. I'm still supporting LGBTQ+ issues even if it turns out I'm not actually part of it. Oh, I know LGBTQ+ people don't need my help or approval. Nobody friggin' needs it. I'm not here to empower anyone. I just love you guys, yes, every single of you in that thread, and others, too.
What I just want is a little respect. Spouting more hate in reaction to hate won't help anything. It never did. One party has to act civilized and understanding to stop the circle of hate, and I'm not sure we can count on the white, cisgender, straight and/or male majority for this.
Sorry, but I needed to let go some steam.
:smallsigh:
I just wish everybody would accept everybody else. Failing that, I wish oppressed groups would accept other oppressed groups, using that empathy and sympathy stuff that humans have*, and would accept support from "non-minorities" or whatever, like cissexual people, or whites, or whatever, instead of saying they're all part of the big Evil "Them".
Hey, I'm a white cismale. I'm not openly gay, so I'm assumed to be straight. (Not that claiming asexuality gets me far in a lot of places. I'm clearly just repressing my straight/gay.) And guess what? I'm a feminist and an ally. (And also just generally a humanist, not that that's a word that's used much, and probably doesn't mean what I'm using it to mean even if it does have an official definition.)
*(It amuses me that the comment about empathy is coming from me, seeing as I have an Asperger's diagnosis; one of the things we're diagnosed for is a deficiency in innate empathy, i.e., the ability to interpret others' feelings.)