Winter - 26 - xxx1
It'll be sunny tommorow. That's good...Actually, you know what there hasn't been this winter? A big blizzard. I know they get them out here. Well...
I guess I should count myself lucky then, huh?
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Oh, it's shearing day. Well, I guess I should run back to the toolbox.
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...What are they building?
Anyway, I go and shear him before doing anything else. There are eggplants to harvest, and I meander around town before coming to the bakery.
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"But as they say, all's well that ends well <3. So if a year ends on a high note or a low note...It's because of what you did to begin with."
"What I did to begin with was run around in a panic and talk to girls."
"Well, I suppose you ran in the right panic and talked to the right girls."
I...can't argue there.
"Anyway, we've started the raffle."
Reeeaaally?
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Ooh, I like me some prizes. Even if they are a little...domestic.
Mag? Magic? Magazine?
"Fox, ignore the printer's error, OK?"
...Now I am just dissapointed.
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"Sure."
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He draws a little card and rings a bell.
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I win a mug!
(I would rather win magic).
"Isn't it cute?"
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Still, it's a nice touch for the kitchen table.
Anyway, with not much else to do, and the freedom to sample at my whimsy...
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I enjoy some wine. Just a little, you know. I mean, what else is there on a snowy day?
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I fished...But I think the wine did me more good. I spend hours without catching anything...
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And when I get something, it's not much.
I head to the bar. Not to drink, just to talk to people. I haven't been seeing Cliff around much lately...So I'm a little relieved he's still around, even if he looks uneasy.
"What'cha thinking about?"
"Advice...Well, contradicting advice, maybe."
"Lay it on me."
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"Don't repeat the same mistake twice.' ...To believe and be betrayed... After that, if you believe...Isn't that repeating the same mistake?"
"I don't think so."
"You don't?"
"No. The mistake isn't that you believed. It's that you mis-timed it, or picked the wrong person. After all, not believing someone who's being honest...That's a mistake, right?"
He taps his fingers on the table.
"...You may be right."
"Who are you trying to believe?"
"She keeps saying things like 'be a man!' or 'No one's going to hurt you, you know.' 'You don't have to leave.' But then she turns around and says 'I-it's not like it matters to me!' 'You idiot!'...Everything's very direct, but then it turns around and goes the other way."
Oh, he means Ann. You can tell; he's playing at her facial expressions like that...
"Maybe she feels the same way you do."
"...What?"
"In the end...I couldn't return her feelings. If she cared for someone else, and he wandered off somewhere...That'd be repeating the same mistake twice."[/color]
Yeah. I guess in the end...The sort of person I am ended up hurting things for them. Even if I try to do something right by people, it made things messy. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm doing better or worse out here... But I've spent too much time waffling about.
Of course, Ann was afraid of telling me how she felt when we met. So it's not my fault, right?
"...But she's...kind of a strong person, too..."
He sighs.
"No one can tell you what to do, you know. But...you've seen how bad a liar she is, if she's trying that."
He smirks.
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do."
He leans back in his chair, and seems to give it all some thought.
"Well, I'll see what the new year brings."
After that, I head to bed.
Winter - 27 - xxx1
Ah...Have my breakfast, contemplate where I'd go to get a coffee maker... Everything's going my...
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..What is that. What is that.
WHAT...
Ok, I am a man of knowledge. Sort of. I can analyze this to make it make sense, right?
I'm not going insane, right?
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IT'S NO USE! IT'S STILL A CRIB! No matter how I look at it, its nature doesn't change!
Why is there a crib in my house?!
GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!
WHY IS THIS HERE?! HOW DID IT GET HERE?!
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PAAAANIC! PANIC, PANIC, PAAANIC!
After I lose my breath from running in a circle in a tizzy... I decide to head outside. The carpenters are bound to be there.
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"...About this."
"Yeah?"
A hysterical laugh claws its way out of my throat.
"I NEVER ORDERED ANYTHING! WHY IS THERE A CRIB IN MY HOUSE?"
"...What? Are...Are you OK? You placed the order yourself, remember? You came in and said 'I'll definitely need this, teehee <3'...come to that, you were acting kind of funny...
Were you drunk?"
...I...I don't think so. No, I'd never be so drunk as to order something like that! I mean, I haven't even proposed yet!
Then how...How...How...
"This is not a choice I should advise you on..."
"Will it stop you?"
"Absolutely not!...But...You'll see what I mean later."
...
GOOODDDEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
I am going to make people think this is God of War up in here! First I'll -- and then I'll -- and then.... AND THEN I FEED THE BITS TO A FISH!
...Oh, wait. I am in a conversation.
"...I must have been. Gotta lay off the wine."
We laugh, nervously.
"Well, you paid for it, so it's yours. Come by again for more extensions."
...Ugh. I am never letting anyone in my house ever again.
What do I do with this thing?
I retrieve Link and bring him back inside. Maybe firewood? But where would I burn it?
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Oh. It's the mayor.
"Hello."
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"From 7:00 tonight. Come.."
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"...This sounds just up my alley." Meddling goddesses count as evil spirits, right?
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I'm about to go and just chop it to little pieces, when...
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...He is not who I was expecting, honestly.
"Why don't you come? We play some music in the square."
Hey, I'm getting advance notice!
"I can play something. I learned an instrument or two."
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He sees my Ocarina.
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Well, that's peachy.
Anyway, about this piece of junk...
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It doesn't break at all.
I hit it with an axe, a hammer...Nothing works.
Argh! Did she put magic on it? Is it made by wizards?
...Wait.
Did I think "I haven't even proposed yet" up there?
"Yet."
I thought...
"Yet."
...
...
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...
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...
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...
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...
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...
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...
*reflexive shudder*
...
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"Fox, are you feeling ok? You look kind of like a collapsing souffle."
"...I think I am having some sort of existential crisis."
She gives me a hug without even pausing.
"...Want to talk about it?"
My surroundings come back to me little by little. Anything I say right now would be a terrible idea.
"...No, I don't think so."
"Well, you sit here and have some tea. You really don't look well at all."
She pulls me to the table in the corner and, a few mintutes later, comes out with a warm cup of tea.
"You're drinking that and staying here until you look like you're more with-it, OK?"
"....Ok."
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There's no need...to think about that sort of thing immediately, right?
All that "yet" meant is that...One day, I might want to consider it. I've never felt like this about anyone.
And...She did say she'd be waiting...
What she wants is to be married one day. I'm not opposed to the "one day" part, anyway. I think if I ever got married, it'd have to be her. That's a scary thought, too.
"Ok. I feel better."
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"Well, let's try a drawing today."
Let's hope for the best...
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Victory! I will clear this raffle and sieze all the prizes!
"Your home will be gorgeous."
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It's a little mis-matched, but it's more colorful this way...
It'd be very nice. If it weren't for...That... thing.
Ok. Enough messing around.
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I summon the goddess.
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"What the hell?!"
"Oh, so you noticed?"
"Of course I noticed! How did you even
do that?"
She smiled, not noticing the steam rolling out of my ears...And the world...shifted? There wasn't a flash or a sparkle or a shiny transformation sequence; everything just felt different, on the edges of my vision...
And then standing in front of me was...Another me. 'He' had my every feature. He even, as he watched my face lose all hate-momentem, half-smirked, just the littlest upturn of his lips, not touching his distant, thoughtful eyes, his neutral eyebrows -- was the smirk pleased, or was it a little bit sad? It was whatever you thought it was, and everyone read it their own way -- that was such a familiar configuration of muscles that I mirrored it out of reflex.
In other words, my own dad wouldn't have known this person wasn't 'me.' I'm not sure Elli could have told the difference. I mean, if I didn't know I was me, I'd have thought he was me!
...
Of course, the goddess ruined it by bursting into completely undignified giggling. With my voice, even. I never thought I'd hear myself giggle.
"Impressive, right? It's -- hee-hee -- so perfect!" 'He' giggled, "We could be twinsies!"
"I would never use the word twinsies." My brain recoginized the situation at hand. "And-and HOW DARE YOU!"
"Oh...You're...Not happy?"
"You impersonated me! You're still impersonating me! And what sort of 'advising' is that?!"
"...It's a present."
"I STILL HAD TO PAY FOR IT!"
"...Ok, I forgot humans do that stuff." That sort of idiocy, coming from my mouth... I feel emberassed.
"Putting that aside... What were you *thinking*? Getting something like that for me!"
'He' squirmed uneasily, but after a second, patted his chest boldly.
"Like I said...You've got a choice to make. Your whole life spills out from this year. This is the choice it's best for you to make."
This...again?
"...You just want me to stay. You're going to do emberassing things, impersonate me, make big decisions...All to do something that neither of us gets to do anything about!"
"You don't want to stay?"
"My dad's the one making that call!"
"He can't...He can't take you from your family, right? So...It'll work out best for everyone, right?" The goddess pleads with me. My face like that is so pathetic. "I won't let him ruin everything again! I won't let him take you!"
I feel myself dangling in space, the whole world twisting and leering by what I say next. I can't see straight -- I am not a pawn! I'm the player in this game between myself and my dad; I'm not the prize of a game between the land and my dad!
I...Won't...Tolerate this.
But I feel my expression lock into stoic cold. My voice is perfectly level.
"...You don't care about me at all. You just want someone for stupid magic kisses."
"I'm sorry." The goddess pleads.
"You just want someone to give you offerings. To let you forget... That you're just a powerless goddess, whose worship is just lip-service. No one knows you."
In her version of my eyes, there are tears.
"I don't -- I can't... Not like...Not like last time..."
"You're just trying to control me. And I'm not putting up with that. Stop trying to put me in your debt. Stop trying to 'help' me.
...You're just like Dad. Just another person who wants to own me. I hate that."
Behind me, my own voice is wracked with sobs. I can't for a minute believe it's not just a show.
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It fades into the voice of a lonely goddess, crying into her pond...
And then it's just a cold wind, from a cold mountain.
I head to the festival as night falls.
Maria and Kai are away from the rest of the crowd...
"Are you guys performing, too?"
"I couldn't bring an organ with me...So I..."
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"Yeah, OK."
I walk to where the old man's standing. He's wearing a mask...In some ways, I feel a little odd; they didn't exactly explain what this is really about.
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We nod to each-other and begin to play. I wish we had rehearsed something...But the impulse seems to be to follow our masked king's lead.
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It's not a hard song to keep up with, sort of slow and...sad? It is whatever you think it is, I think.
...
I'll be honest, for a second. I do feel...A little bad.
But she can't just do that sort of thing! Would it have been too hard for her to say 'Fox, you should start a family here?' She can't just make a decision like that, all by herself, all for herself...
And then she cries about it. The gods are so selfish.
Still, I feel sad for her as I play.
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The song ends. Everyone applauds...
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What a wierd little festival. Oh, well.
Winter - 28 - xxx1
I still feel unsettled. I know I shouldn't explode on someone like that, but... At the same time, that's not something you can say to yourself while you're upset with them. And for, I feel I should add, good reason!
You can't make a person's decisions for them.
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Well, there's a nice harvest, anyway.
I handle it and head out to the village. I've got points for one more drawing at the lottery, after all, and strawberries left to replant.
As I approach the back door (I don't use the front very often), Ellen stops her rocking. She looks up for a moment.
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"Oh...You came back...How lovely... He'll be so happy...To see you, Luke."
...My father's name.
"No, ma'am, you've mistaken me. Luke's my dad. It's me, Fox."
She blinked and it seemed the years dropped back into place. She chuckled at herself.
"Oh, how silly of me. It was just the light. You do look like him, you know. All the men in your family looked alike, at your age."
"That so?"
"You're the spitting image of your grandfather. And so was Luke, when he was young...
I suppose part of me was still hoping...That they'd set things right."
"Set things right?"
"It's impossible now, of course. Even if the boy came home and apologized...Well, there's still your grandpappy's apologizing to do, too.
He was my friend. Always, always, my dearest friend...
And he never got his wish. He learned it too late... Time... Is so cruel, too."
"What happened?"
She shook herself, as if brushing snow from her shoulders.
"Oh, now don't you mind me. That's old history, and I ramble sometimes."
"I didn't mind."
"Such a polite boy, my Elli's seeing!" She laughs again.
Dangit. That almost sounded juicy. But I can't press her on it, if she doesn't want to.
"If you ever feel like 'rambling' again, I don't mind listening."
Is the best I can do. She shoos me off.
...Did something happen between my dad and my grandpa? I just assumed Dad hated anything that wasn't...well...white collared shirts and ties. Suits forever.
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A placemat? I was hoping 'dish' meant 'china.'
"Enjoy your meals."
On to buying seeds. I also decide to randomly give a tomato to Lilia. Because...I have spare tomatoes. I don't need a reason.
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"Sometimes...It's not good to eat your profits."
What are you, my dad?
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"I'll tell you how to cook with vegetables."
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"Thank you very much."
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I don't want to buy more than I need...Even if it means things run out before spring starts. Still, it'll be nice to grow other things.
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This is the addition to my house. It's alright. Makes things lived-in, I guess.
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I have a cake there.
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And plant some seeds. There's a spot where I guess my water didn't reach one day, so I'll have to wait.
Now, let's see...There's more shopping I could do, too. I guess I'll do that.
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May as well buy as much as I can. I won't need it once spring's in full swing, but Winter always comes again.
I fish (no dice) and go to the bar (nothing interesting). It's a pretty dull day, after yesterday and all.
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More fishing...Before I know it, it's almost midnight. If I stay out in the chill like that, I'll probably get a cold.
So I end up going home and taking a bath before bed. Hm. It's been a quiet day...So I can't be really angry anymore. Maybe I couldn't maintain a good head of rage for even all of yesterday. I can't decide what it is I feel.
How unsatisfying.
Winter - 29 - xxx1
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One last big winter harvest. Man, I never thought I'd say that when the year started. Seed shop's closed today of course...I wonder if it's open on New Year's Eve.
I'm thinking today will be a good day to take one last trip into the mine...
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So I take a bath and eat a cake, to try and gather as much strength as I can.
...And I head on up.
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Yeah, yeah...
Rick's in the mine today. He seems to be having a hard time...
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"Yeah, this is rough work. But I'm prepared!"
I have a spare cake.
"Good luck."
"I'll need it."
He smiles faintly.
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Not a bad start.
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He's still hanging in when I fill my backpack and decide it's time for cake. Cake will get me through the next 2 hours.
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Victory! Floor 2 has been reached again!
But before I can get anything from it...
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Darnit!
I go fishing after that, but it's another day of no-catch.
Tommorow ends a year...
We'll see what the end of the year is like here, I suppose. I'm not sure it'd compare to my usual party, but... Well. We'll see.