Man, the first half of this could basically be describing me, except I'm more sexual.
Spoiler: All about me
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My quick-description is straight, because that's most of my actual history and I certainly have all the privilege that comes with being straight. My less quick but still pretty quick description is heteroflexible, because I'm mostly straight and I tend to prefer sexual activities that involve penises (but don't mind if they're not attached to men), but I don't object to hooking up with or falling for a woman and don't want any woman who might be interested in me to rule me out as a whole category. My longer, half-tongue in cheek descriptor is... maybe something like bisexual demiheteroromantic.
My long form is thusly: I have only fallen in love once before in my life, and it was a man. I deeply miss being in love, but the idea of trying to force it is bizarre and horrifying to me. There have been a handful of other people who I have felt the potential spark of romance for that never went anywhere, again all men, but there's so few that could just be a statistical anomaly type thing and/or unconscious social pressure. I haven't had any proper crushes for a while, but I do have them and enjoy them immensely. They tend to skew boywards, but I've had a few for girls, too. Despite one or two interesting experiences, I'm a bit shy or hesitant about sex with a vagina-haver, but I feel like that's more a "fear of the unknown" or other psychological barrier rather than a huge sexuality sign.
I develop romantic feelings so rarely, there's no way I'm going run away from it if it happens to turn up with another woman, but statistically I predict that it's less likely (based on my history of one and a few nonstarters).
Your reaction to someone flirting with you, when you didn't even know they were, raises a few questions for me.
- I gather you've never been in a (declared) romantic relationship with anyone?
- Have you had sex before? If so, have you had a sexual relationship sans romantic feelings (e.g. friends with benefits)?
- What was the source of your panic and discomfort? Was it because it was a guy flirting with you, or because it was anyone flirting with you?
- Was it just the flirting alone that caused your reaction, or did you have a suspicion or an expectation that it might - or he intended it to - lead to something romantic and/or sexual? If so, was him being a guy a factor there, or do you believe you have felt the same if he was a woman?
- Were you enjoying your interactions with this guy until it was revealed that flirting was involved?
- What are your feelings towards him now? Think about it calmly and with an open mind. Do you like him, want to be friends? Is there any hint of any non-platonic feelings, physical or romantic attraction?
It's difficult to offer any advice without the answers to those questions. I also, personally, can't really relate to your reaction, because I'm a massive flirt (or I used to be, anyway, but that's an unrelated topic). Flirting is
fun. It doesn't have to come with expectations or assumptions, it can just be another way of interacting playfully with others, and maybe giving yourself and others a bit of an ego boost. I do think your reaction to someone flirting with you was excessive, but I can't really say much more about that without knowing where it came from.
With the other guy, you've already apologised, which is good. He might have been totally fine, but I could see that response being quite upsetting and a big blow to his self-esteem.
Particularly if you do still like this guy and want to be friends with him, it might be worth talking to him about this. Basically everything that you've said here. It might be good for both of you.