@Quertus
Maybe I'm missing the Elephant because you're keeping it in the dark?
Things so far:
(1) Complaint about Legendary Actions.
Suggestions:
(A) explaining them to group.
Including their use, and limits,
step-by-step.
(B) (Temporarily) Remove L.A.s from games.
Talakeal was not happy with either, as near I can tell.
Bob
I'm not going to rewrite everything on this.
But, even with Talakeal working things out with Bob, things didn't improve.
Talakeal says "Game otherwise ok." and good enough to continue playing current campaign.
*****
Miss-matched expectations can be solved.
But not in game. This require everyone to be willing to sit down and actually know what their desires are, and be willing to make adjustments on other peoples behalf.
Changing Behavior/s are an even harder problem, because this can get very personal, and most people (including me) would rather adjust to accept that, or decide if I should leave the group.
****
Quertus, I am trying to understand what, exactly, your trying to get across, here.
The DM should always believe they are to blame? Doing their best to not get "Personally" involved?
The DM should make even more personal sacrifices? And keep doing so, until "everyone" is happy / having fun?
******
If not, can you explain how your "Zen" is different?