We have yet to see him again, but the campaign's not over. Whether or not he's been "scared straight" is still up in the air.
Printable View
I've been playing a fairly short time, strictly in a dm capacity, but I'm constantly surprised at the amount of hilarity I come across.
Story 1:
In my present campaign, the party was facing off against a number of criminals aided by some REALLY tough constructs. Fortunately, the bard, Protus, had been studying constructs, and knew that the spells that animated them had to be bound to a "focus"
Protus:wait... Do I see anything on the construct that could be magical?
Me: in the center of the construct's chest is a narrow hole, at the bottom of which you glimpse a glitter of light, probably some sort of crystal or gemstone.
Protus: that's it! Everybody... Hit them in the jewels!
(everybody goes dead silent and stares at him for a second)
Protus (with flabbergasted shock): WAIT NO NOT LIKE THAT!
(dragon born fighter who was engaging the construct looks at his dice for a second)
Balthazar: I'm gonna axe him in the crotch.
(rolls critical, defeats construct on that blow)
Story 2
Same dungeon, the players are in a half submerged room lined with narrow platforms. Brandis, the ranger, makes an attempt to jup across a gap to engage some guards, when suddenly... Plop, a green slime falls from the ceiling onto his face.
Brandis: SONUVA-
(body slams the guard)
Brandis: wait, I still have my standard action before I make my save, right?
Me: erm... Yeeesss...
Brandis: ok, I'm gonna hug the guy I was going to attack.
Me: ... While you have the ooze on your face?!
Brandis: yes. Yes, I am.
Story 3:
The sorcerer, who is unfortunately no longer with us, found a powerful gauntlet that shot HUGE fireballs in one dungeon, and while it is a cannon of unstoppable fury, it also has a respectable recoil...
Some time later, the party is on the run from the lawmen through a snowy forest, and they're doing everything they can to slow down their pursuers.
Endahar: WAIT, I still have that fireball glove!
Me (making up some basic balance rules for the gauntlet):yeah, but you need to make an arcana check to see if it even fires.
Endahar: alright, I have 12 in arcana!
Me: however, if you roll a one, it'll blow up in your Hand.
(Endahar rolls a one)
(beat)
Endahar: oh god.
He took 2d10 fire damage and fwas thrown twenty feet back and up into a tree trunk.
He never used the glove again.
I'm sure moor stories will be forthcoming.
Ta!
I'm still laughing from that third one, Dr Paradox. The pause before his reaction made it so much funnier. I'll definitely have to retell that story to my DnD buddies. :smalltongue:
Four Chars:
Cleric, Mountain Dwarf, Female. (Something. She had one but I can't remember.)
Fighter, Deep Dwarf, Male. (Balon)
Rogue, Wood Elf, Male. (Didn't have a name)
Warlock, Human, Male.. then Female.. (Richard)
The one funny story I have is when I was running the de-buffed Tomb of Horrors module. Me and my party entered and set off a couple traps right off the bat. (We were being... unobservant) I decided to fly seeing as all the traps so far had been pitfalls.
We continued to the end of a hallway and we found an archway filled with some sort of mist. We found three gems set into the archway and we started pressing them, eventually finding (apparently) the right order.
I enter (nominated by Richard's less than average wisdom) right after the rogue who had disappeared a moment before. (Granted, Richard hadn't seen the rogue go in)
Luckily, all that happens is the rogue and I are teleported to a different chamber. We find a statue with four arms. One of the arms has fallen off the statue. Naturally we assume it needs to be put back.
After messing around with it for a long time, nothing happens. The two others in the party follow through the portal. (two dwarves) We move passed the statue and enter a wide hallway. there are colored orbs in this hallway.
Richard is uninterested.
I move on to a room with absolutely nothing in it but a brain in a jar.
I get dominated by the brain.
It tells me to subtly kill the party members. The rogue follows me into the room and is like: OOOOO a BRAIN!
It dominates him too.
He's told to kill the rest of the party.
Richard attempts to put the brain in the jar into his backpack, but I am inflicted with a searing pain. I try to throw the jar, but it stops me from breaking it on the ground.
The rogue takes the jar containing the brain and the dwarf fighter comes into the room and immediately smashes the brain jar.
While that is going on, Richard finds another jar by a skeleton and notices an eyeball contained within. Richard is let go by the domination when the jar is smashed and I pop the eye-jar open and proceed to collect the remnants of the brain in the jar.
I finish the task, managing to collect most of the brain, some sapphires that the rogue found, and the eye.
We leave the room and find another misty archway. There are three gems fitted into this archway as well, but when pushed, nothing happens. The fighter and the rogue wander away, afraid of the mist. The dwarven cleric and richard stay behind to attempt to solve the puzzle of the archway.
Finally, Richard gets impatient and flies through the misty archway.
I am teleported back to the beginning of the dungeon with all of my possessions missing. (yes all of them, for the rest of the story, Richard is naked.)
He retraces his steps only to find that most of the party has moved on. The cleric was left behind.
The cleric attempts a will save against the sight of Richard and succeeds.
They move on down a cramped side passage. Richard flies much faster that the cleric walks and the cleric is soon left behind.
At the end of the hallway, I find the dwarf fighter. He is horrified by the site of Richard, but, tells me that the rogue disappeared into the wall. I search it and find a hidden doorknob.
When Richard twists the knob, the door pushes him through and shuts behind him. He is greeted by a startled and slightly disgusted rogue.
A few minutes later, the two dwarves make it through. In the room, there are pews, an alter, and a mist-filled archway. First, the group attempts to open the alter, for it was found that the alter could be opened.
Richard finds a skeleton with chain-mail on. He undresses the skeleton in an attempt to salvage the clothes.
It doesn't work.
He starts dancing, flying through the air, with the skeleton while down below, the dwarves had retreated to the edges of the room and the rogue had started attempting to disable a trigger trap.
Fail after fail later, Richard dispelled the magic that kept the trap going. (in a single attempt)
The rogue opened the alter and found within...
nothing.
The party moved on to the misty archway after that embarrassing disappointment.
Richard tries feeding the skeleton into the archway and the whole thing is sucked in.
This angers Richard and he flings an Eldritch Blast in a random direction.
He goes in the archway after his skeleton after a short confrontation with the group and is immediately turned into a girl.
The party is hesitant to believe that what comes back out of the mist is Richard.
After a short conversation the party moves on, most trying to ignore the naked, flying, Richard.
The party finds a suitable place to rest and they do so.
(When I say 'I', I'm referring to Richard. He (she?) is my character.)
I'm just posting to say that all this stuff is brilliant. :smallbiggrin:
No D&D stories, I'm afraid.
Vampire the Masquerade:
All of us but the DM was new to Vampire. Anyway, we were playing a Swedish group of soldiers in former Yugoslavia (during the civil war / splitting of the country) under UN command. Got ourself into some fighting, then got ourselves turned into vampires when visiting a local monastery. So far so "good".
Now, to make a long story short... We apparently broke free of the railroad, walked the completely different direction from where we were supposed to be heading, and ended up locking ourselves into the basement of a ruin with a stone slab too heavy for us to lift, even when we tried all of us.
We all got locked into that basement for eternity. End of campaign...
I still can't decide if we were too dumb to listen to the DM's hints, or if he was too bad at communicating that we went the wrong way and did the wrong things...
CoC, Victorian London:
Me and my friend co-DMed this one. In the very first monster encounter, the plan was that all the players should flee, and the possessed (minor) villain's manservant was to be having his soul devoured.
To explain: minor villain, a "supernatural" con artist, who's seance all the characters were attending, accidentally opens up a portal in his own chest (by using a real spell, unknowingly), letting out something HUGE with lot's of tentacles. It was supposed to make everyone run, then grab the manservant and devour him; the soul closing the portal and the monster disappearing.
Unfortunately, the players were very heroic, and kept running around in the house for ages dodging tentacles, and looking for clues, thinking the minor villain actually was the Big Bad. They also kept rescuing the manservant all the time... Except for the guy addicted to opium, everyone else kept making their SANE checks, too.
After a lot of (very good) gaming, they finally gave up and ran. Together with the manservant. In order to stay close to the original setup, we had to have a bystander (walking by on the street) become the sacrifice by "running into the house to look for survivors" despite the sickening sounds and the horrible green light coming out of the windows...
I was playing in a campaign as a Cleric, also in the party was a Fighter and a Rogue/fighter/wizard. We had also hired a bit of muscle in the form of 2 half orc fighters.
We were searching for some items in a dugeon in order to recreate a mighty weapon. In a side passage sat on an island on an underground lake was what we later found out to be a Djin, He refused to engage in conversation and found us very boring, but by using some Divination, i knew that there was something useful in the cave he was in. We could not quite see the back of the cave so i cast Water Walking on the Fighter (Eliza) who went for a walk accross the water to look at the back of the cave. The Djin took afront to this and turned into a whirl wind and went to attack Eliza. She was engulfed in the whirlwind.
DM: The water rises around you Eliza, you ahd better hold your breath.
Me: But she has Water Waking.
DM: OK then, Eliza you are catapulted up to the top of the whirlwind and into the celing. Take 1d6 Dmg.
Eliza: Ah Crap.
Story #4:
This was one of the few times that I've been a player. This was in a filler game, and I was playing as my all time favorite character, a human fighter called Harrack Byreson. My companions and I were taking part in some kind of weird initiation ceremony into a fighter guild, in which we had to survive 24hours in a swamp. After we get attacked by some hawks, a throwing spear politely announces the arrival of the locals lizards folk.
Lizardfolk hunting leader: WHAT ARE YOUR WARMBLOODSSS DOING IN OUR SSSWAMP?? That wasss OUR prey!
Me (proffering the hawk in my hands): oh, you want it? By all means, be my guest.
LHL: hisssss! It hasss been SSSOILED by your fouls human Handsss!
Me:oh, don't worry, I have the blessing of my master (gestures to dragonborn companion)
LHL: ...massster?
Me: oh, yes, my master here is a powerful lizard dignitary from his homeland down south.
LHL: then why are hisss ssscalesss RED inssstead of green??
Me: he's a different breed of lizard. It's hot down south, you know, AND he's nobility! look, we'd only like to spend the night in these fine and prosperous lands of yours. Your chief is known for miles around for his hospitality to other lizards, surely he won't begrudge an emissary of the lizard kingdom a night's rest in swamp water as fine as this?
LHL: ...well... Alright. But by thisss time tomorrow all of you had bessst be gone!
Me: we wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, and don't forget your bird!
All of this negotiation nag bluffing was done with the charisma of a fighter. You may notice that the rest of the party never said anything, I can only assume they were stunned by the audacity of these lies.
Dr. Paradox, you deserve a cookie for that story. :smallbiggrin:
Classic, proper Tomb of Horrors. I was one of a group of decent players, all determined to 'beat this bitch' all proper and by the rules. We'd never played it before and the DM was an old hand who knew his chips. So all was set for a good go.
I was the party rogue (damn brave of me in that dungeon i thought!) and was playing quite paranoid as i knew this was gonna be a toughy, especially for me. Slow and steady we went and got pretty far with no losses.
However.
We're edging along this tunnel (i'd been sex-changed by this point but, hey-ho) when suddenly something happens (a trap sprung that i had missed i should imagine) and everything fills with pungent green gas. No visibility and saving throws all round. I make mine and leg it, out of the tunnel, across a crossroads and into a tunnel on the other side, where i promtly hide around the corner, listening out.
All goes quiet. I'm alone.
then i start to hear a grinding sound, faint at first and then getting louder...and louder...and louder. Just as i'm about to leap out and hipe for the best it starts to fade again. Takes a little while but some 30mins later i'm all alone and in the silence once more.
I go back to try and find my party.
I do. They're squished flat into paste by the juggernaut that had run them over with snail-like paste as they lay unconcious from the gas whilst i had remained hidden like a great big girly (which i was).
Oops. Sorry guys?
---
I survived right until the end when i put Acerak's crown on my head, found that nothing happened, then took it off again (using the tap-it-with-the-rod method to enable me to do so) - which killed me stone dead. One thoughtless snap-decision moment of foolishness after all my care and paranoia.
I deserved it.
In another game i think that the phrase "30 feet of drop, 50 feet of slack" tells the tale all on its own.
White Wolf (classic WoD), Mage the Ascension.
Bunch of mages in a car heading to confront some dodgy sort in a dock-side warehouse. As we get to the docks proper the driver begins to speed up, serious putting his foot on it.
At this point, and to this day i have no idea what made me do this, i fling myself out of the moving car. Bumps and scrapes but am otherwise okay. This left three others - the driver and two life mages.
The driver refuses to slow down and so a drive roll is required.
BOTCH.
Look out, you're going to hit some! Drive roll.
MULTIPLE BOTCH
Wham! Nasty damage done. Drive roll to stop/regain control.
MULTIPLE BOTCH
Argh! You're heading off the dock into the water unless you make a drive roll!
FAIL
Oh my...Okay, you know the Italian Job? Thats the car. Balanced precariously on the edge of the dock and teetering towards the water.
Life mages; "WTF!?"
Driver; "Don't blame me, its not my fauly i'm hydrophobic!"
Life mages; "..."
Yep, the driver had never ever mentioned this and for some reason it never occured that it could be a problem when heading to a Dockside Address!
But it gets better. He refuses to get out of the car so the life mages both leave him hanging. Served him right. The car is now his problem as they scarper back to the poor devil that they hit. Its his leg, but he should be okay though with a bit of aid.
Life mage 1; "Right, check the wound, clean it out etc - LIFE 3 effect, heal him up."
MULTIPLE BOTCH
Dock worker; "Argh!"
The wound bubbles out and gets all infected look. He's in some pain now.
Life mage 2; "Aw hell, my turn now. Do my best to sort this out."
Storyteller; "Okay, roll your arete-"
Life mage 2; "Woah no! Not now, i'm an actual doctor so use my actual medicine first, see if that can help out."
MULTIPLE BODGE
Dock Worker; "Aiiieeee!"
As his leg is promptly broken by the doctor.
My character? I'd started to head along the dock when, seeing this scene playing out, turned around and walked home (in case running required a roll).
A number of sessions later three of the four of us required serious medical help after just trying to get on a horse. One of us would have died if not for GM fiat.
Repeat again some time even later, but swap 'get on a horse' for 'ski'.
Ah, the Tomb of Horrors. I have yet to use that on my group, but I may have some funny stories when I do.
In the meantime, three of my favourites.
Story #1
My first ever campaign, using 1st edition rules cos no-one had introduced me to anything more recent. We already had the fact of two party members starting with 1hp (not rolling your first hit dice can be... problematic). The party is exploring this massive fortress I'd created by combining about every pre-published map I had. They've made it down to the lowest basement and have found a set of tunnels flooded with murky water. The cleric takes one look and says no, no way I'm going in there. So she and the dwarf go off to explore the rest of the floor while the rest of the party (fighter, magic user, elf, and halfing with homebrew thief abilities) explore the tunnels.
A ways in they find a cave with a bunch of ghouls in it. The ghouls attack them. The magic user and elf are both hit. The mage is paralyzed, the elf... well, immune to the paralysis, pity he has only 1hp. The halfling (party leader) has this to say to the fighter:
HALFLING: Grab [the elf], and let's get out of here!
FIGHTER: But what about [the magic user]?
HALFLING: There's no time!
And as the two of them leave the cave (and the paralyzed magic user surrounded by ghouls), and enter another cave...
HALFLING: Wait! Grab that treasure chest!
Yup. Leave the team member behind, but don't forget the treasure.
Story #2
My 3.5 campaign. This time the party have been doing some missions to help one side in a civil war. They are now relaxing in the tavern when another adventuring party comes in. This NPC party is exclusively odd races with Level Adjustments, and one of them is a Githyanki. The party barbarian hates Githyanki, and reacts in character by charging her and starting a brawl. While this is going on, the party rogue sneaks upstairs (invisible I think, thanks to the party bard), and starts picking locks on the rooms. I can only boggle so much at the stupidity of stealing from tavern rooms when the majority of the guests are adventurers, because I'm busy running the combat. Then, no longer invisible, he needs an exit. Can't go back through the bar. So he decides to jump out of the window.
In fairness, a rogue can survive the fall (Tumble skill at max). Pity about the town guards who were passing the alleyway on their way to investigate the bar-room brawl.
ROGUE: Can I make a Hide check?
The rest of us look at him in amazement. The consensus: no you can't make a Hide check while falling from an upstairs window into a lit alleyway.
Amazingly, he escaped and went on the run with the bard and barbarian. They tried to make a contact who would get them out of the city, but he sent them to a drow priestess who nearly sacrificed them.
Story #3
Funny as the Hide check idea was, that wasn't the silliest thing that rogue ever did. That came earlier. The party was in what I called the "Shrine of Trials," a dungeon consisiting of 14 challenges, each to be undertaken individually with a treasure at the end. The rogue (same guy) was undertaking the "Trial of Darkness."
This challenge consisted of a set of walkways over a deep pit. In pitch blackness. No light source of any kind could change that. So he figures it's a bit like a maze (correct), so if he follows the wall, eventually he should find the end.
This works for a bit, keeping his left hand on the wall of the chamber, he finds his way along. Then his feet touch air. His decision: he doesn't want to lose the wall. So he backs up and takes a running jump. Success. He's over the gap and still has his left hand on the wall next to him. So he continues forward.
Next time, not so lucky. Mainly because there wasn't a platform on the other side of the next gap. He jumps and plummets down into the pit. Fortunately for him, I'd been generous and he had a talisman he could use to escape at any time.
After that, my brother showed him how it should have been down, by running a hand down the wall to the edge of the platform and following that instead.
here's a few:
So i'm running a red hand campaign and they come up to this hydra. they kill it and fighter, as per any sane strategy, takes all the damage in the battle. he gets healed and the hydra sinks into the swamp, but he is pi***d off that he took so much damage while the rest of the party "cowered." so warlock, tired of his crap, bluffed him. natural 20, natural 1 sense motive. "you didnt just fight a hydra." now fighter is unsure that he was just ransacked by a hydra.
same campaign, we enter an elf village with no listed tavern. the dwarf asks where the tavern is, I reply that there isn't one.
"so where do i get beer?"
"i think elves are more wine people."
"i see. then i eat some mud."
"....what?"
"i bend over and pick up some mud, and put it in my mouth, and eat it."
".......Ok guys, your cleric is eating mud. roll a fort save vs disease btw. do you guys wanna do anything about this?"
I want to try the real Tomb of Horrors, but, at the moment, I'm a level 9 warlock. Probably a bad idea.
I've been reading a lot of these stories and I've found one common thing among them that... I'm unsure if they know the actual rule:
On skill checks, there is NO natural fail OR success.. If you roll a 20, it's not a automatic success and natural 1's aren't auto failure's.
House-rules often say automatic success/automatic fail is nat 20/nat 1. Also, the fighter/warlock bluff check thing? The fighter would need to be level 39 to have 19 ranks in sense motive (cross-class skill) to match a no-rank, no-ability roll of 20 on the warlock's bluff (that is assuming that the fighter has no penalty and no bonus in Wisdom). Highly unlikely.
The other thing your missing is that if you've been travelling with someone for quite awhile you can more than likely tell when they're bull*****ing you.
I like to play where a natural 20 is 20 + 10 so it's never actually an auto success. It evens out the whole lvl 1 getting lucky and hitting a 20th lvl character with an AC in the mid-thirties and doing any real amount of damage.
1's are counted as -10 to the roll check, so, say a buff fighter with magical weapons (15th through 20th lvl) doesn't really ever have a hard time taking out an expert baker, for example.
It makes the checks a lot more realistic.
Example:
20th lvl fighter attack bonus- 30 (20 BAB + 5 STR + 5 misc magic buffs) rolls a 1 (counted as -10 instead of an auto failure), but it's counted as a 20 which will most likely hit a 3rd level wizard regardless of the sloppy attack.
This still leaves room for circumstance bonuses and other odd things that happen during gameplay.
The autohit/miss is to say that no matter what, the puniest kobold has a chance to poke a tiny hole in the mightiest of fighters, and that that same kobold has a chance to miraculously dodge the most expert of archers through sheer luck.
Of course, those are your house-rules. If you want a suit of armor to make someone completely untouchable by the local constable and his hundred level 1 soldiers under every circumstance without consequence, and able to hack through them without fear of reprimands.
That's why there are no suits of armor that make you completely invincible (or there's not supposed to be).
The circumstance bonuses is what makes the kobold scenario possible:
The kobold is hiding on a cliff edge high above the fighter with a longbow. The kobold takes a shot, hoping to do anything to the fighter in, say, full plate. Now, since the fighter IS wearing full plate (probably pretty well-made plate) the arrow, with not a lot of power behind it, has slim to no chance of finding a 'chink' in the fighter's armor.
Now, the kobold is up high. Being higher with a ranges weapon elicits a bonus depending on how high the kobold is.
Say he has a +3 (+2 DEX and +1 Base Attack Bonus) and the fighters AC is 35. Because of the height advantage, the kobold gets an additional +3 on his attack roll giving him a cumulative +6. With the 'crit' = 30 rule, the highest roll he can achieve is 36. This gives a realistic threat range against the high level fighter because the kobold has a circumstance on his side.
This way of playing makes sense to me, I'm not saying it's the only way, but, to me, it seems the most reasonable and logical.
unless he's been nothing but truthful the entire time, in which case you'd be more likely to believe the lie when he tells it.
Observation: These posts are getting less and less funny.
Baaaack on topic then.
Every now and again, usually whenever something has just gone pear-shaped, one of my friends will say "remember that cat?"
White Wolf WoD - Human Investigators
An evil presence was settling slowly but surely over an appartment block. We had some manner of getting rid of it (something ritually i think) but, in order for it to be done safely, we wanted to evactuate the building first.
So we went room to room alerting everyone as to a gas leak that, whilst under control, meant that we needed everyone to wait outside whilst we fixed the problem. I was the 'face man' of the group, a professor of mature years, totally non-combat (lame even, if i recall right - think Dr House), a nice trust-worthy fellow. Everyone took our news well and evacuated...
...apart from one old lady.
If i recall right i simply failed my skill roll talking to her, not that she particularly reacted. Her cat however, well, it went ballistic. My poor chap was taken totally by surprise as this little tabby leaped right at my face and proceeded to tear into me with great vengance and furious anger.
And i could do nothing to stop it.
Several rounds of failed attempts to dislodge this later i was beginning to panic, slowly but surely i was losing health levels to this house cat and the rest of the party were all outside. Totally out of ideas i did the only thing i could think of - ran to the window and jumped.
Smash!
I hit the ground (just one storey up, luckily / GM Fiat) and began dragging my mauled self towards the party, this (possessed) cat still stuck to my effiing face! the party see/hear this and quickly bundle me into the car. A variety of poor rolls later my crippled professor (Crippled! One level off unconciousness!) has the cat ripped from me, pinned to the window by the combat character's boot and then their pistol unloads into Fluffy's head, splattering it all over and through the window.
It is only at this point, as adrenalin and disbelief slowly face, that we then realise that every single evacuee from the appartment block is staring at us in total horror. Us who have jumped out of the building with a cat, bundled it into a car and then executed it in full view of them all.
We drove off.
Evil could have that building.
I've got one...
My players had infiltrated the besieged castle of a rebellious nobleman to try and end the siege quickly. They'd found their way up to his chambers undetected, by way of the lord's own secret escape passage, and had swiftly knocked him out and trussed him up.
Not so quietly as to avoid attracting notice from the guards outside his door, though. One of them calls up to ask if everything's all right.
The player of the half-orc barbarian had a tendency to leap in and say something when he really ought to keep his mouth shut. And so he did in this situation, calling out, "Everything's fine!" He spoke up before anybody else could say anything or stop him talking, and I ruled that this translated to their in-character actions as well.
I tell him to roll a Bluff check.
I think the roll was a 2 rather than a natural 1, but it was still appallingly bad.
Me: "You call out 'Everything's fine!' to the guards in your best impression of what you think the lord's voice would sound like. Unfortunately, you do so in Orcish."
Yeah... the guards weren't convinced. And yet the party still managed to give them the slip, unconscious lord in tow. Then they bump into the lord's lady wife; but the bard is in the lead, the only one in sight actually. She convinces the lady that she's the lord's "entertainment", snuck in via the secret passages because of the siege. Her disgusted tirade lasted just long enough for the barbarian and the monk to get the jump on her.
They escaped the castle with the lord and lady both; the archers above didn't dare fire and their pursuit was run off by the besieging army.
This was my first campaign (and its still ongoing) and we are an online group. So while our DM was inactive...
We formed a band and went to the inn. This was near the dramatic conclusion with the Big Bad. After the inn, one of them got drunk and vomited on my shoes. I am now trying to force him into going to rehab. This is still going on.