[absolmorph]

I come bearing snippet! And one that doesn't end mid-session this time!

Not the Holiest of Retribution
or I guess he's a Paladin of Pelor, sort of.

Spoiler

Virei looked up at the walls surrounding the town. Things have certainly changed since we last visited, he thought. Escorting the brewer had been a pleasant break from the escapades which he’d become accustomed to since the king had sent him with Mirale and Joe. Virei’s golden eyes swept across the area, checking for any last minute threats. His hair, pure white despite him being just shy of 30, ruffled in the light breeze. He scratched at the beard he’d grown to avoid recognition as an escaped “demon”.

A heavy cloak hung about him, hiding the white plates of his armor as he walked past the guards and into the town. The wine merchant paid them, giving them a few bottles of very pure alcohol as well as some decent wine. It was a Tuesday. After some discussion with Joe, they decided to stay until the service on Sunday, after which they’d make a hasty exit. The days passed quickly, spent researching runes and actually relaxing for once.

And then came Sunday morning. The bells rang, calling the town to the church for a service. Mirale had decided not to be a part of the plan, citing “heresy” and “foolishness”. Virei slung a very over-sized hammer under his gray cloak and belted his sword on his hip. Joe strapped on the device which powered his strange cannon and the two stuffed some oil-soaked rags into the necks of the bottles of alcohol, which were hung from their belts. Thus prepared, they left the inn they were staying at and walked to the church. Tilting his head for a moment, Joe discerned that Bishop Fals was in the midst of his sermon, making it a good moment for a surprise entrance. Virei readied the hammer and the two men burst through the doors.

“Bishop Fals! We have something we’d like to discuss with you!” Virei boomed, grinning slightly at the confusion of the gathered townsfolk.

“Well, I’m in the middle of a service, couldn’t thi-“ the bishop began to speak, and Virei cut him off. “Exactly! We want to make sure that this matter gets plenty of attention.” Virei hurled the hammer through the air and into the altar, smashing it into splinters. The townsfolk began to panic and rush out of the church. Joe and Virei mostly ignored them, wading through the panicking folk to the front of the church.

“What on Earth are you doing?” the bishop cried. Virei gave him a flat look. “Do you not remember us, bishop?” he asked rather politely. Fals shook his head, fear apparent on his face. Virei grabbed the front of his robe, lifted the bishop with one hand and pulled his face close and looked him in the eyes. “Perhaps you can remember more clearly now?” Virei’s voice, though polite in tone, was dripping with anger.

“Y-y-you! But… How?” the bishop began babbling as four guards, members of the Crimson Flame, arrived. They leveled their weapons at Virei, who tossed aside the bishop, and Joe. “Surrender peacefully or we’ll shoot!” one particularly brave one said. Virei chuckled and walked to the remains of the altar and retrieved his hammer, replacing it under his cloak. Four loud cracks rang out behind him, and a sharp pain struck his shoulder as a metal ball buried itself in his flesh. Joe lit one of the bottles and tossed it at the guards, somehow lighting all four on fire, along with some of the church.

With the guards thoroughly distracted by their inability to put themselves out, the two men tossed a couple more of their improvised ignition tools around the church, lighting a nice blaze. Virei picked up the quivering Fals and tromped outside, with Joe following close behind. As they left, the front of the church collapsed outward. Virei drew a knife and shoved it into a piece of burning wood.

“Now, Fals, I want you to remember this lesson very, very clearly. You have very little knowledge of the world. Teleportation is one of the most common uses of magic. People who aren’t demons use it very, very often. So, before you throw three forthcoming travelers in jail for being demons since they teleported, think of me.” Virei spoke quietly and slowly, making sure Fals could understand every word. He pulled the dagger, with its blade now a nice cheery red, from the wood.

Fals screams rang around the village.

As Virei and Joe walked away from Fals, who was now clutching his right eye socket and screaming in pain, Virei snorted. “What?” asked Joe. “I think Mirale is going to be mad. There was a carving of Sehanine in there.”
“Oops.”

Virei Goldeneyes is my character, a paladin of Pelor. Joe McBob is our ranger and the gadget guy. Mirale is the cleric.
And this is the most disturbing thing I've done as any character, and I'm kind of wondering if I need to double check how I'm role-playing Virei.