1. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? If so, who?
I feel like yes, but none of them have been lasting enough for me to remember.
2. What is one thing about yourself you're the most proud of?
My restraint from murdering stupid people who constantly bombard me at my job. Seriously, the people in my city, I want to paint the walls with their blood.
3. Roses or orchids?
Roses, but only if they're the crazy blue ones.
4. What sustains you, keeps you going every day?
My hatred of humanity, generally, though occasionally it's the thought that I really need to do something with my life, and sitting around moping does me no good, so I have to get up and beat life into submission with my fists.
5. How did you get to be so awesome?
I read a how-to book.
6. Where were you ten years ago, and what do you know now that you wish you knew back then?
Let's see...ten years ago, I was living with a horrible step-family that made me do all sorts of inane chores and punished me for the slightest thing. No, I'm not quoting Cinderella, this actually happened. I wish I'd known that I only had to spend four years in that house, because living there sent me into this horrible depression that I was going to have to deal with that family for the rest of my life. Now, since my father divorced that horrible woman, I never have to see them except on the odd chance I run into them when I go back to my hometown.
7. If the human race vanished tomorrow, leaving only you and one other person to keep you company, who would you want that person to be?
Mel Brooks. No, we couldn't repopulate the planet, but he's one of my biggest idols, and even though he won't live all that much longer, I'd love to just pick his brain and hear his stories.
8. Who is one person who died before you were born that you'd most like to speak with?
Nikola Tesla. Need I explain?
9. When your life comes to an end, how do you want to be remembered/what do you want to be remembered for?
I want to be remembered for either taking over a country (presumably by being elected, though amassing a large stockpile of weapons and doing it by force could be fun), or by writing stories of equal popularity and genre to Terry Pratchett and Isaac Asimov.
10. Ga! These questions have taken a turn for the depressing! Quick, what is your favorite lolcat!? (Bonus cookies for posting a pic.)
11. What super-power would you want to use to stop Godzilla if he was attacking where you live?
Ice-beam. Freeze Godzilla, leave him for another generation to deal with.
12. Beards or babies?
13. Have you ever made up a word? If so, what is that word and what is its definition?
Portmemeteau - when one mashes two memes together. Example: What is this I don't even I am twelve.
14. Define the following word: whiloplenulent?
The act of displaying excessive levels of cromulence.
15. What's an old-fashioned song or short schmaltzy bit of poetry that's stuck in your head?
"Maybe" by The Ink Spots. Also, I find it strange that schmaltzy became an adjective for things, given that schmaltz is the Yiddish word for chicken fat.
16. Favorite mythological monster?
Minotaur. 'nuff said.
17. Enough of this! I am your arch-nemesis! Where will we fight our final, climactic battle?
Center of New York City, with all traffic closed. The battle would involve tanks.
18. In #17, above, did you defeat me? If so, how?
Assuming I can fake you out and make you drive into the Hudson River somehow, yes.
19. Do you prefer the silly questions or the serious ones?
Silly, of course.
20. Why did you decide to submit yourself to these torturous, probing questions?
I feel like I'm not an active enough member of The Playground, so I want people to know that I'm totally here and like talking to them and I swear I won't kill them more than once.