Originally Posted by C'nor
A bit, yes. Probably it could have used more polishing, but I didn't see that at the time... One of the dangers of posting when ill, I suppose. I might try to tweak it at some point.
My point is mostly that it doesn't seem like something a person about to die would say. Even a drow.
Originally Posted by Slii Arhem
Well, besides a little blip with inhabitning in the beginning and perhaps a poor choice of words later on (seriously, what kind of ancient goblin prophet says "uppity?
) it was fairly decent.
A few things though.
The speech seemed effective, and well written, but I would have liked to see more dissent and reaction from the other tribes, perhaps in the form of another tribe leader saying "what's in it for us" instead of the Prophet.
I just think hearing more voices would have made the story more natural feeling.
I didn't think "uppity" was out of place. Why did you think it was? It seemed to sum up the humans' feeling on the goblins, i.e. dregs who should know their place.
As for voices of dissent... yes, you have a point. I was basically making it up as I went along, riding on a flash of inspiration, as it were. Also, I figured that the goblins were desperate enough not to question him. Still, you're right that some more reaction from the crowd would have made it better.