Orc in the Playground
Join Date: Dec 2008
Mr. Dangerous (sort of)
Re: [Nexus] Stories etc
Originally Posted by C'nor
Again, as this is about one of my characters but also one of Beans' people, they need to check it before it becomes canon, and as it's written from the point of view of a character, things aren't always objective.
Dreams and Nightmares - Part 3: That Sleep of Death...
Nycca’s started writing a journal now. She doesn’t like to talk, so I suggested she might find it worked better for her, and judging by the fact that she's using the one I gave her, it seems like it does. Of course, spending her time hidden off upstairs writing has made her even more withdrawn. Sometimes it feels like whatever I do to try to help her, she turns it around somehow so that the consequences leave her worse off than she was before... Not that I think she's doing it because she has something against me or anything like that, but it does get frustrating.
And she's still shivering all the time, and not putting on any weight. I don't know why. She's been getting food, and the supplements and potions I've bee giving her should have helped with the malnutrition by now.
Apparently, Nycca doesn't want to keep living; she's been giving her food to Lenia, and putting the blankets we give her back as soon as we aren't looking. The same with everything else.
I'm not angry with her, more... Sad, and frustrated that I can't seem to help her. I did sit with her for a while, though, which she seems to like. I don't know if she could be said to enjoy it, exactly, but she seems like she appreciates it, and it does seem to make her feel better for a bit.
She's also hooked up to an IV now, so that she'll at least be getting some sort of nutrition, and I can make sure that the potions I make are actually used. She doesn't like it, but what am I supposed to do? Let her starve herself? If she asked me for poison, I don't know what my answer would be at this point, but I won't let her die like that.
Her nightmares are still bad too, but Sherry's going to be sleeping next to her, and I'm working on figuring out the sympathies to help. I'd do the same thing Sherry is while I am - I don't think Nycca would mind - but there are just so many other things I have to do... Most nights I've ended up falling asleep over my work, or laying down on the couch to wait for my head to clear because I can't see straight, and then finding out in the morning that the minute or two it was supposed to be ended up with my passing out for a few hours.
Companion story time! This was written from Nycca's perspective. Certain elements, like the story and chapter titles, are references to the music I feel fits the tone of the story, and listening to it
may augment the experience.
Dreams and Nightmares Nycca Eat Nothing
Entry I - pale grey and dripping saline
Talina said I should start writing in a journal.
Writing is easier than talking.
Talking lets everyone know your voice is thin and cracked.
Talking makes everyone start fussing over you when you just want to be left alone.
It's always well-intentioned and it makes sense to them. "Nycca, won't you have some applesauce?" "Nycca, you're shivering, do you need a blanket?"
I don't want to eat and I don't care if I shiver or not. If they give me food I'll sneak it to Lenia---she's as skinny as I am and her metabolism is probably higher.
If they give me a blanket I'll wait until nobody's looking and put it back in the linen closet or whatever.
And they'll just keep giving me nice things I don't need or want because they don't understand what I've been trying to tell them:
I'm done. I'm exhausted with life. I don't feel any need to keep going, especially now that the other girls are safe. Sherry's got her smile back and Marina's shoulder is healing and that's great and I'm happy for them but I don't want to stick around here. Here there's aches and tiredness and nightmares.
There's nothing I want in this world.
Entry II - crawl space girl
Okay, maybe I should have considered that Talina and the others might read what I wrote before I went and spilled my guts to the paper, because here I am hooked up to an IV of protein and calcium and whatever most of the time.
Talina admittedly has been pretty cool about this whole thing apart from forcing an IV on me; she wasn't angry or offended, she just sat with me a while and asked me if I'd like to come downstairs to spend some time with her and the other girls.
Of course, I didn't, but it was nice of her to ask.
Sherry's decided to sleep next to me until these nightmares stop being such a problem, which is exactly the kind of sweet thing Sherry would do. I told her it was fine and she shouldn't trouble herself, but it's not like that's ever stopped her before.
Spoiler: Standard reactions to Beans.
Originally Posted by InyutheBeatIs
Originally Posted by Quinsar
A snake butt.
That made my day.
Last edited by Beans : 07-31-2012 at 04:56 PM.